I used to think Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were soooo cute. I could have written epic articles on the adorability of their love. But now that it’s been a long time – and lots of drama – I sort of want them to break up just because I’m tired of hearing about the. They’re always either screaming at each other until they’re hoarse (often in public), or they’re making out and getting all “Schmoopie-poo, I love you sooooo much!” I have no idea which is worse.

According to The Mirror, one of their reporters recently was on a trans-Atlantic flight with the couple, and they were nauseatingly codependent the entire time. Lindsay predictably more than Samantha. They made out. They text messaged each other even though they were eight inches apart. They went to the bathroom (together) to change into their matching sleep suits. I’m surprised they didn’t comb each other’s hair.

Some highlights:

Love really is in the air for Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson. So much so that any hopes we had of some much-needed kip on the plane back to London, after a week of hard partying at the Oscars, were rudely shattered by the randy pair. On our Virgin Atlantic flight from Los Angeles to London, we were just a few seats away from the loved-up couple – and we didn’t know where to look as they kissed, cuddled and giggled their way through most of the 10-hour flight.

At one point we even caught 22-year-old LiLo texting sweet nothings to DJ Sam on her in-flight entertainment handset – despite sitting eight inches away from her. We weren’t the only passengers to witness their amorous antics. An elderly couple celebrating their 44th wedding anniversary were stunned when Lindsay gave 30-year-old Sam a passionate kiss.

The pair went to the minuscule cabin loo to change into matching black sleep suits before settling down into their seats. Sam looked less than thrilled to get a text right in the middle of a poignant scene [of a movie]. But she soon cheered up after reading “I love you” from LiLo.

More text messages followed in which Lindsay called Sam the “love of my life” and said she wanted to be with her forever. Pass the airsick bag… Then the pair held hands above their headrests and declared their undying love, like a couple of teenagers.

LiLo then got stuck into two large glasses of Jelu Pinot Noir before finally deciding to settle down for a nap and pulling out her reclining bed. Whispering goodnights to each other, the couple then fell asleep side by side, curled up in foetal positions. Aww.

[From the Mirror]

Ick. And this is not an “ick” because they’re girls. In fact I’m probably giving them a little more leeway because they’re girls. This sounds like the behavior of a recently reconciled couple. I’ve only ever been half this gross when I’ve just made up with a guy after a fight. And like I said, still only half. Any one of these things would be sorta cute on its own. But taken altogether, they sound not just nauseating, but suffocating and stifling. It sounds like Samantha’s dating a teenager. Which Lindsay is, in most ways. I’m guessing there was some baby talk involved too.

Though one can’t help but wonder how the Mirror’s reporter was privy to the contents of their text messages. I suppose it’s possible Samantha or Lindsay read them out loud and the reporter was close enough to hear them. Or close and snoopy enough to see them. But I’m guessing they just took some creative license. Which could apply to the rest of the article, except that it sounds very Lohan-esq. You know, until she decides to engage in a rage-fuelled screaming battle in a day or two.

Here’s Lindsay and Samantha out shopping in Central London on Friday. Images thanks to WENN.com.