There isn’t much that can make me feel sorry for Bethenny Frankel, but this interview her mom did with Radar Online comes close. Bethenny and her mom, Bernadette, have a contentious relationship and no longer speak to each other. After reading this interview, I understand why. Bethenny’s mom absolutely trashed her to Radar Online. She called her daughter “nasty,” “snobby” and “arrogant.” Bernadette also said she knew that Bethenny and her ex husband, Jason, wouldn’t last. It’s all incredibly bitter, especially considering that she’s talking about her own daughter. Bethenny detailed her mother’s alcoholism, neglect and abuse in her 2011 biography, A Place of Yes, and Bernadette hasn’t forgiven her. I doubt this woman would have a kind word to say about her daughter regardless. Here’s more:
“I tried to watch Bethenny’s show because I had a vested interest in it,” [Bernadette Birk] tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “But after the first week I stopped because it was just terrible. I was bored.”
“The things she does and says on camera is not who she is,” says Birk.
Birk hasn’t seen her daughter in more than a decade and calls her a “liar” over the allegations made against her in Frankel’s 2011 self-help/autobiography, Place of Yes. But Birk tells Radar that her daughter “wasn’t always like this.”
“She started changing at age 16. She became very snobby and very arrogant. Especially towards me…
“She had sex with her first serious boyfriend while in high school at 16-years-old, and she cheated on him about a year later,” Birk tells Radar. “That is just how she is. She jumps from man to man.”
“I always said that Bethenny and Jason would divorce after two years,” she says, referring to Frankel’s recent divorce from ex-husband Jason Hoppy, 43, who she shares custody with of her 4-year-old daughter, Bryn.
“I just knew that as soon as that child was in day care he was gone. She was really nasty to him on the show.”
Maybe Bethenny’s mom isn’t technically wrong, but who says that about their own daughter? I don’t blame Bethenny for not talking to her mom, this woman is toxic. All things considered, Bethenny has risen above everything that happened to her. It’s just sad to hear someone trash her daughter like this. You don’t do that to family.
Bethenny is returning to Real Housewives of New York for season 7, which premieres next year.
Bethenny is shown out on 10-7 and 10-17-14. Credit: WENN.com and PacificCoastNews
Loving those purple shoes.
Me, too! But I’m 5’10” and can’t really get away with heel height like that, sadly.
I’m 5’10” and I wear heels like that all the time. Wear what you want, and don’t feel weird about it.
Of course you can and I’ll bet you’d look spectacular 🙂
Do it. I wish I was your height. I’m only 5’2″ and incredibly clumsy – I need to live vicariously through gals like you.
I’m the the same way and don’t like wearing heels because I tower over everybody and feel like an ogre! I’m also extremely clumsy!
Jericho: at 5ft 9in, i’m the shortest adult female in my family. I come from a family of very tall people.
I think because I grew up with tall people, I have always been rather keen to extend my height, so I am afraid, as rude as it is, I do enjoy towering over people in a normal setting. And I wear heels with pride. The higher the better.
When she isn’t trying to fit into her daughter’s pajama’s, Bethenny tends to have pretty good style, especially street style.
Yes! Those shoes! Actually, I love her whole outfit in that last picture.
Woman needs to eat a sandwich and some chips!
what parents says $hit like that about their own kid, no matter what the kids has done or said? sad.
I’m more pissed at her for spelling “Bethenny” like that.
lol
Yeah. She started this whole train wreck.
No..wait! She lost her virginity while in HS and cheated on her bf at the age of 16…. well let me pearl clutch and gasp for air. Somebody tell that lady that her daughter was only 16 and perhaps she didn’t find the love of her life at 16 so she moved on.
Yeah, I don’t get adults who feel justified in clutching their pearls about and scarlet-lettering teenagers for cheating, whether the teen is someone famous or not- and especially if it was years ago. It may not have been the right, most considerate, or mature thing to do, but at the same time I don’t expect a hormonally-charged 16-year-old whose just in a dating or hook-up relationship to demonstrate the same level of self-control and maturity that I’d expect from some engaged or married 30-year-old, and don’t really take teen dating relationships as seriously as adult engagements and marriages.
It also strikes me as sexually exploitative for any adult, but especially a parent, reveal or start rumors about a person’s sexuality from when they were a minor without their consent for their own personal gain (attention, money, fame, revenge, creating scandal, whatever)- whether it’s saying when they began having sex, that they cheated, outing them as gay or bisexual, or something else. Even if the person is a fully grown adult now, but they were a teen when whatever events occurred. Talk about #sh-ttyparenting. In general, unless the person is doing something bad, I’ve always thought that parents of public figures should avoid trashing their kids to the public and tabloids.
@Otaku. I fully agree with everything you said. It was sickening that she revealed to the world when her MINOR child lost her virginity. Seriously, WTH!!!!!!!!!!! I was shocked by that. Yeah way to try and make us think the accusations of abuse were false when you’re being blatantly emotionally abusive now! Sick woman!
ITA as well. These types of people will say ANYTHING to “win” at all cost. They think they are proving to the world how horrible someone is when they are in fact just backing up the accusations made against them.
Happened to me, too. My mom tried to use a car accident I had in high school (I had short-term amnesia that fully healed she labeled “brain damage”) and the time I stole mascara from WalMart in the 8th grade as some reasoning that I’m not a fit parent and she’s worried about my kids. She put all this in an email and sent to to my whole family and friends she didn’t even know. She got all their emails from joke emails I’d forward to everyone. It backfired on her very badly. Everyone was horrified and she got cut off from a lot of our family. My friends just emailed me and said they were so disgusted, they couldn’t even finish the email and now they understand why I don’t have a relationship with her and blocked her.
People like that never change, never accept responsibility for their actions and fight dirty, dirty to come out on top and prove their point.
Wow eileen I’m sorry that happened to you 🙁 Glad you have good friends and family! It helps me to read things like this because my mom is a bit crazy & very spiteful as well, and sometimes I get to feeling sorry for myself when I feel like I’m surrounded by people who have caring, normal parents. But not everyone had that life.
Wow. Sad.
Why all of the poor Bethenny comments? She trashed her mother really BAD in her book. Plus, it is true that Bethenny’s show was boring and she absolutely comes off as “nasty, snobby and arrogant.”
“She trashed her mother really BAD in her book.” Abusers absolutely deserve to be called out for being abusers. I have a hard time believing the allegations are untrue when her mother is EMOTIONALLY abusing her PUBLICLY! Revealing when her MINOR child lost her virginity to the world? That’s totally emotionally abusive. Saying such awful things about her daughter? I truly believe the mother is a narcisitic abuser.
Her mother is right, BUT she shouldn’t say it to the public. Bethenny has always done the same to her mom, though–talked about her publicly in nasty terms as well, so she gets zero sympathy from me.
I agree. They’re both scum and I have zero sympathy for Bethenny. You reap what you sow goes for both of them.
oh dear. her and Jon Voight or Aniston’s mom should sit down together and talk about do’s and don’ts of talking smack about your own children in public. what kind of message does it send? i don’t think it earns you (as parents) sympathy points… if anything it reflects badly on you as the parent.
golly gosh. with parents like this who needs enemies?
only that JV is better at playing coy nowadays.
It doesn’t automatically reflect badly on the parent. Some kids are just bad seeds no matter what you do.
As a parent to a high needs child I couldn’t agree with this LESS. Everyone has a mix of both positive and negative traits. Having a child who’s needs don’t perfectly match up with your skill set is risk you take when you choose to become a parent. It’s not a legitimate excuse to throw up your hands and give up. I’ve never met a jerk who’s parents met their needs during their upbringing. We’re not done learning simply because we’re adults, when my kid has an issue i don’t feel equipped to solve, I seek new resources and grow and change as needed.
No good mother would ever, ever, betray their child in such a self-serving, public manner, regardless of the circumstances. Her statements are not made for the good of her daughter, it is pure hostility intended to hurt. Despicable and terribly sad for everyone in the family. She is certainly not thinking of her relationship with her granddaughter, either.
Good for you Lia (and whoa no need to take my comment personally.) Now go do some reading about serial murderers and sociopaths, etc and then read my comment again. Some kids are just bad seeds and there is nothing you can do to solve their problems.
Whoa, Lia, “emmie” was not addressing special needs’ children–not sure how you made that jump. I think most everyone here would agree with what you said in that regard, but that’s not really the subject matter.
JudyK: I think Lia was using the example of her special needs child to illustrate a point. My interpretation of Lia’s comment was that as you would seek help in the face of the challenges of a special needs child, so should you seek help in the face of the challenges of a ‘bad seed’ child rather than simply give up.
That said, Emmy_A is right. Sometimes, some children are hopeless bad seeds. Nothing a parent or any authority figure can do will make them good or even reasonable.
No matter what a parent should never publicly trash their kids. It just shows what kind of parents they are. Sometimes kids will break your heart but you should suffer on silence.
A good parent would deny accusations without resorting to PUBLICLY EMOTIONALLY ABUSING THEIR CHILD (revealing to the world when her MINOR child lost her virginity is emotional abuse). If Bethenny is a ‘nasty person’ I don’t think you need to look far to see where that came from. If her mother was a remotely decent person she would deny the abuse allegations WITHOUT insulting her daughter publicly no matter what her Daughter said. With the way her mother is acting I have a very hard time believing she was not an abuser.
What parent says such things about their own child?? This just makes me want to go hug my mom.
yep. +1
My mother is like that. It gives her pleasure to trash me to her friends and then act innocent about it. It’s an evil power game. Worse than that, she bitches about MY CHILDREN, who happen to be really good kids and totally do not deserve her constant criticism and lies. It’s extremely hurtful to them, especially because they are hardworking, honest kids -but she refuses to give them any approval and actually makes up nasty stories about them. The worst part is that people believe her! They don’t realize she is a sociopath. It’s not really the first thing you think of when you talk to someone and only hear their side of every story. Now she is old and alone because she pushed us out of her life & we all hate her. I can’t stand Bethenny, but growing up with a mentally disturbed mother who hates and competes with you can damage and distort you. She should get a ton of therapy before her daughter hates her, too.
I don’t like Bethany, put I think she had terrible parents – an alcoholic mother and a father who just had no interest in a relationship with her. Sad.
This it it. She is the product of her environment. To call her just a ‘bad seed’, and in the next breath liken her to a sociopath or murderer ( as someone else did) is a wild over-reach. She may be a bitter adult who has not sufficiently taken responsibility for her own shizz (via therapy) to prevent a suboptimal childhood for her own daughter, but how can one leave a childhood like that (completely unmoored & unloved) unscathed?
I come from a similar environment like Bethany…however, I act nothing like her. I didn’t leave it unscathed but I sure don’t act like that. It’s time for Bethany to stop (and others) blaming a bad childhood for their behavior and grow up. Bethany’s mother needs to shut up, though.
I think you’re both right. ASB, it would have the potential to be very damaging. Tammy, you must have a great deal of inner strength and intelligence to put your past behind you that way. I’m not sure everyone can do it. I feel for Bethanny but you have a good point. At some time, you have to be responsible for yourself.
Bethenny has achieved success and success it’s always the best revenge. Good for her.
Ya, this explains a lot.
“Takes one to know one”, as we always said in elementary school.
I don’t speak to my mother. In my early twenties she’s sent letters to me telling me my sister and I we’re disowned because we talked to my grandmother, her mother. It had the definition of betrayal printed out in it. Then I sent her an invitation to my wedding and received another letter stating that she will not be attending as there is,”Nothing to celebrate.” Finally, I gave birth to my son this year and she’s texted my sister that he looks nothing like me and she does not want to ever meet him. He is the spitting image of me when I was his age btw. Mother’s can be toxic, I know. I will never do this to my son! I could fill a book with all the nutty, nasty, things she’s done.
That’s horrible, Willa. I’m sorry your mother is like that. But it’s better that your son is not exposed to her toxicity. It’s her loss.
Oh, Willa. I feel for you. I know some of what you’ve been going through. I’m still in contact with my mom, but she can be real poison sometimes. When I met my current boyfriend she said to me that “he’s intelligent, so he’s just using you” (we’ve now been together for four years). She wouldn’t go to any performances I had as a child, and she frequently states how she can’t understand what someone “sees in me”. Things like this is often said in front of other people. I have four siblings she gets along with just fine, and she’s an amazing grandmother to my son. It just seems like she don’t like me. It has done a number on my self esteem, but I’ve come to a place where I now just shrug and think that she’s the one who’s probably in the most pain. It just sucks that that pain is redirected at me.
((HUGS)) Phenix
@ Phenix: I seriously hope that you won’t see what I’m going to write as me crossing a line, if you do, I apologize beforehand. That being said: I honestly hope that some day you can walk away from this evil person.
I have dealt with a mean, manipulative, lying person just like the woman you described up close, although I personally am lucky enough to not have anyone like that in my family. From my experience, and from the experience of those close to that person: She won’t change.
The way you describe your mother, I personally am concerned that at some point she might try to influence your daughter, that she might try to turn her against you. Please be careful, be very careful.
Again, I hope that you don’t feel I crossed a line. I’m honestly concerned.
Hugs.
@phenix I’m sad to read that your mother acts that way to you. No one should be treated like that especially from their mother. When you describe your mom lashing out on you it really hits home with me because my mom does the same to me and not my sister. I get the crap end just like you. I wish you well friend. 🙂
Willa and Phenix – we need to start a club!
@ Willa: You tried. Some people just don’t understand love and never will. Good for you to get the poison out of your life. Good for you to free up all the energy dealing with someone like that costs and instead be free to focus it on people who matter, like your child, who won’t be subject to that hate.
Thank you.
@sauvage: not at all. You are expressing concern for me as a person, there’s nothing wrong with that. My mom is like a petulant child. And I don’t mean that as an excuse for her. She developed an eating disorder at 55, she has unsolved problem with her late father (who fought for nazi-germany during the war and had major PTSD) and she carries with her a lot of shame. Do I give her a pass for being a terrible mother to me? No. But she’s not someone who is connected to herself enough to be taken seriously. If it was just her, i would probably Stay away from her, but since she’s still married to by father, who I am super-close to, and that we have a very close family despite of her, it causes me the least pain to just give her a verbal warning when she says something. Eh. Complicated family matters are hard to grasp from the outside. And even harder to judge when you are on the inside.
@ Phenix: I’m glad to read that, and very glad that you seem to have found a way to set boundaries without completely breaking off contact. I stand by my ‘Be careful.’ and I also feel a lot less concerned after reading your follow-up explanation. I read your second post as coming from someone who has accepted reality and found a way to deal with it. You sound grounded, and smart, and loving. All the best to you.
Having children is a choice, and an incredible responsibility. No one chooses to be born. This dynamic is not a two way street, the responsibility and failure is NOT equitable. Children owe only the love and respect that given them. If Bethenny was raised by an uncovered addict, she was set up for failure from day one. For her mother to feel justified criticizing her, without demonstrating a shred of remorse for the reality that she, as a mother epically failed, is ridiculous. It’s not the job or the responsibility of the child of an addict to keep those secrets, it is the job as the addict/parent to seek recovery, make amends, and take responsibility. I don’t know much about Bethenny, she seems like a mess, but hearing from her horrible mother explains a lot of why she turned out this way.
“It’s not the job or the responsibility of the child of an addict to keep those secrets, it is the job as the addict/parent to seek recovery, make amends, and take responsibility.” – AMEN!!
Bethenny was born in 1970, before Roe v. Wade. Lots of women didn’t have a choice then about whether or not to have a child. In my profession, I work with many older women who express dislike and hate and jealousy toward their 40-ish plus age children and talk about not having ever wanted them.
Wow if they didnt’ want to be mothers that badly you think they would have chosen adoption. Although then again they would have probably faced social scorn for doing so. So sad.
Good Lord–we can see where Bethenny gets it from.
And God knows my mom could say some stuff about every one of us kids, but she would never say it out in public, or to anyone who wasn’t related. What’s wrong with her?
This. The worst my mom’s ever done is tell embarrassing stories of us to coworkers haha. I have to keep in mind not to do that when/if I become a parent. But even then – there’s the odd embarrassing story that just begsss to be told; so I get it.
At the same time, this doesn’t make me give Bethenny a pass. She’s an absolute piece of work, and she’s her own person. You can’t blame your parents for everything; especially once you’re an adult.
Funny though, that this is coming out when Bethenny is supposed to now be returning to RHW – me thinks they’re trying to garner some sympathy for her given all the bad press.
She is one messed up woman. And yes, no wonder Bethenny is the way she is. I had a friend (an only child like Bethenny whose father was also not in her life due to him being an alcoholic, among other things). Her mother was mentally and emotionally abusive/manipulative, and it did a real number on her. Her mom ended up being killed in a car accident about 5 years ago, and at the time she said to me and a few other friends that she was sad because she would never really know for sure now whether her mother actually loved her :(. There are some very crappy parents out there, people who probably should never have had kids in the first place. Makes me glad to have the parents that I do and appreciate my upbringing even more.
Sounds like something my mom could have said. So naturally, I’m feeling sympathetic towards Bethenny.
I think I’m in love with her top in the first pic. Wish she would have moved the bag out of the way so I could see it!
I’ll give her some sympathy. What kind of mom talks of about her 16 YEAR OLD daughter like that ??? Just inappropriate
It’s very sad that they’ve turned on each other. Mom sounds very harsh. Then again, Bethanny’s been trashing her for years in public so I guess this was mom’s chance to even the score.
This is Mom’s chance to score a dollar from ROL!
Ha That’s probably true!
Is it a bit nippy whererever she is in the last couple of photos?
Wow. So charming. I worry for her daughter. These things tend to be vicious cycles.
I agree with you. These kind of things go on for generations. I have always believed Jason was fighting for custody for the well being of Bryn.
She clearly has no interest in playing nice on the small hope that she could maybe meet her granddaughter . What a low and creepy woman. Bethanny is a jerk sure but her mom is 100% pure sleaze.
Wow-my mom and her mom should go have coffee sometime. My mom is the exact same way. Toxic as hell. We haven’t spoken in years. I spent most my life trying to figure out how to make that woman happy and prove to her I wasn’t a bad person (because of my father-who hurt her badly) and then the light came on. Its not ME, its HER. When I had my own kids, it really hit home at just how awful she is to her own kids. I walked away and never looked back.
Not a Bethenny fan by any stretch of the imagination, but on this instance I can feel a little bad for her. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to deal with their abuse. Cut them off and get your mentality healthy. If you can keep them in your life and deal with it and stay healthy for your own family, great.
Eileen, kudos to you for cutting her off and stopping the vicious cycle. You sound like someone who at some point understood love and never looked back. Good for you, and even better for your kids.
To quote the great Kris Kristofferson: People always say: Life’s too short to live this way. Baby, I believe that life’s too long!
Thanks! It hasn’t been easy and I struggle at times with freaking out if I say something that my mother used to say…even if it was a good comment because I think if I’m repeating that than the abusive comments could come out too! It’s also hard because I look a lot like her…especially as I get older. For some reason you freak having a link to someone who was capable of behaving that way and to this day refuses to accept it. Like one morning I’ll wake up and start screaming at my kids they are worthless or the devil like their father. I will commit myself if I ever do. lol
I promise you, you will never be your mother. Look at your self-awareness! Look at you, catching yourself saying those things immediately, and reflecting on it! Even if, to paint a worst-case scenario, even if you ever stepped into a mindset like hers and couldn’t find a way out – you would recognize it, right? And you would get help, right? So, nothing to worry about. Just a life to enjoy, and if your mother gave you some pretty genes – well, at least there’s one thing you can be grateful for, right? :-))
My situation is similar, once I had a child I realized how toxic and emotionally abusive my mother was, we don’t speak often because it’s best for me to have limited contact.
The best thing we can do is be better mothers and stop the cycle! Having a daughter has been healing for me, I created the mother/daughter relationship I’ve always craved. It makes me sad that I can’t have that with my mother, but once I accepted it would never happen I felt so much relief because I could stop trying to prove I was good enough for her.
Yep! It was like a 10 ton weight had been lifted from me when I realized there is nothing I can do to change or help the situation and I was so relieved it seriously took so much stress and anguish off me. I felt guilty for being relieved, but you carry so much pain and confusion thinking “if I do this a certain way, she’ll see me differently or if I say this to her and explain something, she’ll change her mind about me…” It was a burden I had carried with me since I was a kid and to finally come to the realization it won’t change was huge.
@Jess and Eileen: I know that this may sound overdramatic, but it’s really good to hear that other people come from similar backgrounds as myself. When you grow up with a toxic mother, it’s so easy to think that “something must be wrong with me when not even my own mother can love me” – and to me, that feeling sticks, even when I KNOW it’s not true. So thank you for sharing your stories. And hugs all around.
Hugs back Phenix:) I’m glad others shared their experiences, I know I’m not alone.
I can empathize Eileen. Growing up I simply wanted my mother to like me, I was constantly trying to work out what I was doing wrong and how I could improve so that she would like me and not see me as this evil person. I was constantly apologising and begging forgiveness from her, yet the word sorry never passed her lips. I was actually scared and nervous around her well into my late 20’s I now see that the reality was that I was insecure and just wanted to please people. My mother knew that full well all along but instead of trying to build up my self esteem was taking advantage of my “weaknesses” like any schoolyard bully, simple as that.
In Bethanny’s case I do feel for her, because I can easily see that the cold arrogant front she put on, perhaps especially around her mother is probably her way of self-defense.
For the sake of clarity, I wasn’t specifically addressing special needs as they’re defined in popular culture. Any genetic or inherent predisposition towards pathologies that can be destructive requires special care by the parents. Addiction, depression, non Neuro typical spectrum disorders etc etc. I do think that many parents feel isolated and overwhelmed when confronted with a set of issues and needs they are not equipped to address. Our society needs to do a much better job of providing support and education. That said, it is ultimately the responsibility of the parent to meet their child’s needs, however unexpected and inconvenient.
Bottom line, there are way more inadequate parents than there are children who were completely beyond help. In this context of this thread about an uncovered alcoholic mother, that seemed a reality worth emphasizing.
Bethenny has risen above everything that happened to her….oh puke. She is just as toxic as her mother. She’s a narcissistic b****. I feel bad for their daughter. I know people who have “risen above” waaaayyy worse things then this chick and they are great, caring, compassionate people. This chick only cries for herself. Gimme a small break.
What her mother did was definitely wrong, but she’s also right. Bethenny seems to be just as nasty and cold hearted as her mother and is repeating her own childhood with Bryn. I used to like Bethenny a lot, I identified with her relationship with her mother and the struggles she’s faced, but once she started trashing Jason and trying to force him out of Bryn’s life I was done, not to mention the body image disorder she’s likely causing for Bryn. Too many people have come out to say Bethenny is a liar and manipulates and uses people to get ahead, so I believe it. The way she treated Jason and his parents was beyond horrible and selfish, I think she used him to have a baby and once her company made money she was out.
I used to like her, too, and I thought Jason and his loving family might be healing for her. But it didn’t work out that way. Maybe she was just using him, like you said.
I thought what you said above about creating a relationship with your own daughter that was so different from yours with your mother was so sweet, brave and touching. I think it takes a really special person to take such a negative and turn it into a positive force in their life. I admire that very much.
Thank you so much for saying that:) it made me tear up a bit!
She needs to give those too high on waist jeans back to one of the Pointer Sisters. Her face appears to be melting too. Her daughter looks cute, hope she gets to see her DAd alot!
I don’t know these two ladies but I wish they would find friendship in each other. Mother-daughter friendships are among the most important of all emotions. It might be rewarding to work towards that goal. Success, although difficult to achieve, has so many rewards. For example health and the ability to enjoy the moment. Have a good one.
No. Stop that. Victims of parental abuse are constantly being pressured to reconnect with their horrible parents. It sounds like Bethenny has every reason to avoid this woman. That this woman is her biological parent counts against her – she has every reason to be kind and this is how she behaves instead.
As someone in this very same situation, let me just tell you that unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. When you think of it in context of having your own kids and not being able to fathom how a mother can treat their child that way, of course you think there’s some way they can fix things. But some parents are absolutely not like the rest of us. My mother is like this and though I tried my whole life to get her to accept me and stop with the verbal abuse…all the way to my 30’s. It just didn’t happen. Then you have your own children and realize that her toxicity is effecting your OWN mental health and the energy you have around your own family. It’s like poison.
I get a lot of judgments from others in my family on how I could just walk away from her, but they didn’t live my life. Its not possible for me to develop any kind of relationship with her. It hurts that its this way and I wish I had a mother that felt like I do about my own kids, but it didn’t turn out that way.
I hate seeing people go through the abuse from a family member because they feel like they HAVE to because its family. In my opinion family has to earn their place in your life just like anyone else. If they abuse you in any way, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
Sadly, having a baby doesn’t mean you’re a real mother, except in the most literal way. Some people aren’t capable of connecting with their children, and the best thing for the child is to stop beating their head against the wall.
What kind of mom says that kind of thing about their own daughter? Perhaps the same mom that has a daughter who goes on international tv and writes a book airing her mom’s dirty laundry!!! God help that a baby let us all hope she breaks the cycle.
At the same time, women in the public eye who have no relationship with their parents, specifically their mothers, are always asked to justify “why?”
Bethenny was open about her toxic childhood, and has repeatedly said she “had no parents.” She explained why. If she hadn’t, she’d be blamed for being a spoiled selfish brat who abandoned her mother when she became successful.
Toxic people are toxic. You don’t need a license to reproduce. But maybe there should be one.
I certainly don’t agree with what her mother has done, especially because it is obvious her mother has no real relationship with her. That said, I wish for her own daughter’s sake, Bethenny had not been so nasty to Jason during their break up. She was really horrible to him and she really didn’t need to be.
I had never heard Bethenny’s allegations against her mother but now I believe them.
I do feel for Bethenny as she is clearly a product of her environment. She seems to have developed her own coping mechanisms that may people see as her being cold and heartless. I believe she just never truly dealt with her childhood trauma and likely pushes people away before they abandon her…
I too have an estranged relationship with my mother. I was told from a very young age that I was an accident and not wanted. I suffered years of physical and emotional abuse, along with a lot of neglect. My mother is a psychopath in the way that she feels no empathy for people and is a constant user who somehow always finds a way to play the victim. She helped push my dad into suicide when I was 6, my brother 9, so she could be rid of him, be with her boyfriend, and collect his life insurance. He was abusive, but then again, so was she. She is also prone to depression. I grew up angry and felt incredibly alone, which only made things worse in terms of my behaviour towards her and others.
As an adult in my 30’s, my mother still won’t take any responsibility for her actions and claims to be the victim. My brother and I feel the same way – we don’t want anything to do with her. I’ve head years of therapy to help me come to the realization that it isn’t me, it’s her. I’ve found a way to build my self esteem and self worth and know that I am not like her – by choice. Today, I am very successful in my career, married to a wonderful man, and volunteer as a suicide and crisis prevention counsellor to teens.
Because of how I grew up, I have known for a long time that I don’t want kids of my own. I attribute this to questioning whether or not I have the capacity to love a child as much as they require. Basically, I’m afraid to repeat history and be like my mother. Instead, I’ve chosen to dedicate my life to raising my lovely stepkids and volunteering to help other kids.
I don’t know whey I’m sharing my life story on my daily gossip blog, but somehow, it just feels right
Coming from someone who is in your position, I also didn’t think I would be someone that should have kids…but let me tell you, the Universe disagreed and against all odds I had my daughter and she has been the greatest gift I could have ever received. She changed my life and I have spent 12 years making sure I don’t repeat the cycle.
Some people just don’t want kids and that’s awesome too, but if its because of your fear with how you were raised, don’t let the past hold you back from one of the best blessings a person can have. You in no way sound like your mother and you have a lot of love to give! Trust me, I have two now and they teach me new things every day and I love being able to raise them like how I wanted to be raised. It’s healed a lot of pain and anger inside and kept me in perspective with my own mom in that I won’t allow her in my life because it really hits home just how messed up they are once you experience being a mom yourself.
And I also just saw you’re a stepmom-which is awesome too! Mine is pretty much my mother and she has been crucial to how I am who I am today so you ARE a parent! 😉
Thanks, Eileen,
I appreciate the support and feedback. I’m glad to hear you have broken the cycle and are thriving as a mom. That makes me smile.
As for me, my reason not to have kids is multi-faceted. Fear is a factor, but so is an overwhelming desire to help kids that are already on the planet, as opposed to brining in a few of my own. That may not make a lot of sense to some people, but it’s always been a driving force for me. I also think on some level I don’t want my own kids because I’d feel a need to onvolve their grandmother in their lives. It’s one more link to her that I don’t want. My brother struggles with this big time as he has 2 great kids and he feels obligated to involve our mother. He really struggles with it and it takes a lot out of him. She is a great grand parent, likely because it’s part-time and requires minimal enegery from her.
Personally, I think people who selflessly love other’s children like their own and dedicate themselves to other kids are on a level above parents. Teachers, step parents, volunteers….
I respect the hell out of your choices. Not everyone wants to be a parent and I’m not one of those people who question that. My sister chose to just have fur babies and gets the Third Inquisition ALL the time. Drives her insane.
@SuperStef and Eileen–
Thank you for sharing your stories because I seem to have experienced a very similar relationship with my mother. Your stories give me hope that I too can turn my life around.
I’m in my forties and childless. I grew up in an incredibly violent household. My father started hitting me from the time I was six (yes, that young) and it continued until my early twenties, something I hid from the rest of the world. My mother presented a gracious, refined side to the rest of the world, but to me, one of her only two daughters, she was verbally abusive through subtle put-downs, insults, and mockery.
“You are a bad seed,” “learn how to be a better person,” “you are always making your parents unhappy, God will punish you” — were sentences I heard since I was a child. I had no self-esteem, one disastrous romantic relationship after another, until I entered therapy a few years ago. To my other sibling, she was generous, caring, tender — they are best friends. It was like living with a Jekyll and Hyde personality.
I severed all ties with my family this year because I realized that if I continued, even at the age of 70 or 80, I’d still be stuck in this dysfunctional cycle of emotional manipulation and verbal abuse.
I don’t share my story with people because they don’t understand unless they’ve experienced abuse or “gaslighting” themselves. Our society reveres mothers, puts them on a pedestal. But one doesn’t become a mother just because one has given birth.
I honestly think that our parents generation was the most mentally F’ed up in a long time. I know SO many people who’s parents were like this. Now its creating an even worse situation of parents so overly sensitive to damaging our kids “psyche’s” that we are turning our kids into complete wusses. I am a very strict parent and I also am not a rageaholic or verbally abusive to them-there’s a very healthy line you can walk. My kids don’t just get stuff and in fact my son is grounded from pretty much everything he does or owns at this moment. lol
I’m so sorry you had to endure that. As you know, it follows you forever. I mentally came to a fork in the road and knew that I could go down the same route using my parents behavior as justification for my own issues, or I could take their treatment of me as a “what NOT to do” and stop the cycle. I chose B. My very first boyfriend cured me of it REAL quick. All I knew was screaming and losing my sh!t when we fought. That’s what my parents did to me and to themselves. One night we were fighting and I was going off on him, in his face screaming at him and he looked at me and said “You are JUST like your mother.” I was 20 years old and NEVER behaved that way again. It was like a punch in the gut that I was behaving just like the person that, at 17, couldn’t get away from fast enough! I am eternally thankful for him saying that to me!! lol
People like Bethanny and her mom make me sad and angry. Bethanny reminds me of a friend I had from childhood. She was a product of her environment her mother has some personality disorder. I couldn’t tell you if it was borderline or if she was a narcossist. She cheated on her husband and had a toxic and abusive relationship with my friend’s father. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore and had to walk away. I would say he was abusive too but I really do think that it’s because of his wife at the time and the abuse was on her.
My friend sadly made the choice to follow in her mother’s footsteps. She had a child at 21 and another at 25. She has an extremely toxic relationship with their father. She would call me everyday to talk even when her kids were home. I thought she had other people there to help watch them but she was neglecting her kids. I feel bad that I allowed that behaviour in her. I even feel bad knowing what I know about her cheating on her husband and eventually dumping him. I had to walk away from that friendship, she was sucking out all of my energy and time. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Last I heard, she lost custody of her kids and her ex is trying to break the cycle by raising the kids on his own. I care about those kids and I hope he’s successful. But I had to walk away from it all. I feel stupid for wasting time with a toxic friendship and I am still angry and questioning myself years later. I didn’t realize the type of person she was until I got out of my relationship with my ex. Then it dawned on me that she is merely a female version of him. I used to attract people like that into my life.
So I hope Bethanny’s ex is like my friend’s ex and I hope they are able to succeed in breaking the cycle of narcissism. I would tell anyone with a toxic parent that it is up to you and you alone to break the cycle. If you have a child with a toxic type of person like this it is up to you to break the cycle so your child does not become like the narcissistic parent. As for her mother, she needs to look in the mirror and ask herself what she did ti her daughter for her to turn out to be a “nasty, arrogant and snobby” person. Seems like there is a pretty nasty cycle between mother and daughter. I just hope it doesn’t happen with Bethanny’s daughter.
Skinny looks so much better on camera than IRL. I see society women in my area who are that thin and it’s like it becomes their defining feature. They seem so frail and self conscious. But man it looks good in photos… especially with those heels giving her that long sleek look.
My mother was an abusive woman and caused a lot of pain in my life as a child, however, when I confront her she cannot accept any fault and she lashes out at me with blatant lies. I understand Bethany regarding her mom, and her issues.
Keep it classy, Momzilla.
Why does she look like she’s storing nuts for the winter?
some people say: bulemia jaw.
I support Bethenny. I understand what it means to come from a volatile upbringing and having to try really hard to develop healthy personal relationships because of it. Alcoholic parents are no joke. Luckily, I was able to overcome those issues by my mid 20s so all of my friendships and relationship are drama free. Bethenny worked damn hard for what she has. Yes, she’s difficult to deal with but she doesn’t come from a malicious place…I don’t feel that energy from her.
I hate mean moms. These comments make Candy Spelling, Kris Kardashian and Courtney Love seem pretty tame by comparison.