This is Brittany Maynard’s People cover from a few weeks ago. By now, many of you know that Brittany took her own life on Saturday at her Portland, Oregon home. Brittany publicized her cause for months in the face of certain death. In April, she was given 6 months to live due to stage 4 glioblastoma. This final diagnosis followed surgery to remove the tumor, which returned and grew to twice its previous size. When Brittany learned that chemo wouldn’t save her life (and would make her quality of life worse), she moved from California to Oregon in order to access that state’s Death with Dignity Act. Brittany qualified under the law’s provisions and gained a prescripion to end her life on her own terms.
Brittany publicly decided on a date — Nov. 1 — just weeks before her 30th birthday. She spent her last months travelling with her husband, friends, and mother. Brittany expressed great relief at being able to choose not to die in the manner her disease would dictate. She was not suicidal, and she did not want to die. But Brittany knew she was dying, and she wanted to go out with dignity. She chose to leave the Earth before her quality of life declined too much. According to People, Brittany typed this message before taking her life:
“Goodbye to all my dear friends and family that I love. Today is the day I have chosen to pass away with dignity in the face of my terminal illness, this terrible brain cancer that has taken so much from me .. but would have taken so much more. The world is a beautiful place, travel has been my greatest teacher, my close friends and folks are the greatest givers. I even have a ring of support around my bed as I type … Goodbye world. Spread good energy. Pay it forward!”
[From People]
Brittany carried out her last months on earth with incredible strength. She invited people on her journey and allowed everyone a glimpse into her final days. Oregon is one of just a few states (including Washington and Vermont) that have Death with Dignity statutes in place (although other states are working on it). It’s a shame that every state hasn’t caught up yet; special interest groups work hard to deny people the right to make the ultimate decision on their own.
Here’s Brittany’s video from TheBrittanyFund.org.
Photos courtesy of People & The BrittanyFund.org
Seeing this brave woman and Amalooney sharing the same cover makes me feel unconfortable.
Death with Dignity is scary for a lot of people. I think she made the right choice for herself. However, this decision crosses Christian beliefs of suicide, taking your own life and not being allowed into heaven.
If America truly separated Church and State this would NOT be a political issue. You have the right to die as you choose. Life is honestly the only thing a person can control.
Not sure that I can agree with you.
None of us have chosen to be born,
or be alive. I would rather say, that maybe
we can Control Death, ocasionally?
Another thing to consider is the last few stages a terminal illness takes you through makes a lot of money. Hospice, home care, hospital care generates a lot of revenue, a debt she would have left her family. I m sure thats why a lot of states havent instituted this yet. They need to ammend death with dignity because you have still have to be of very sound mind in order to do it. It should be something you authorize of sound mind but when you slip too far a doctor steps in and does it for you.
I think she was so very brave and everyone everywhere should be able to make this decision.
Totally agree with you. In addition to death with dignity going against a lot of people’s religious/personal beliefs, I think people ‘s reactions also demonstrate a knee-jerk reaction – being freaked out by it. And it is frightening. I think that if more people thought about it deeper, and thought about what they would do, they could actually empathize Or maybe I’m being naive.
i can’t speak for many people or any other people, but i observe that deep down inside there’s a wish for people to die with dignity. i mean even the staunchest anti-suicide family member i know say more than once “oh i wish so and so could just die, because it’s heartbreaking to see the suffering” or “thank goodness so and so finally pass away” or “well i’m glad it was a quick death so that she and the family wouldn’t have to suffer”
I think the problem with what you put forth is that I am not sure Brittany’s death could really be termed suicide. Yes, Brittnay hastened her own death, but suicide in general represents an intentional REJECTION of life. Brittany didn’t do that. She noted repeatedly that she wanted to live, but that she knew nature was not going to allow that. Suicide was generally classified as a sin precisely because it involved a rejection of life. However, Brittany never did that. She didn’t reject life, she rejected a long, painful death. That is the distinction.
I’ve been doing lots of reading on this subject since Brittany put it in the news. It looks like approx 60% of people are for Dying with Dignity but the catholic church is very vocally against it. I read that in one state there was a $5million spent in lobbying on the issue before it was to be voted on, and the church spent $4million of that.
I hope that Brittany’s legacy will be a change of the law in the many other states where this is on the table.
I think, when it comes down to it…. you DO have the choice of when to die. It’s called suicide. No, it might not be in an easy-to-take pill form in places that didn’t have the DwD clauses, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make that decision for yourself still. No one has taken away our rights to think and make decisions, just the legality and easiness of suicide.
Do you know how many people do this every day? LOTTSSS… and not just because they’re depressed or suicidal. I think there are more people out there who do this because they want to die with dignity than we think, and I think that’s why it’s not a hot topic. It should be, and this woman is amazingly brave for being the person to stand up and say “THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE”. Rest in Peace!
@sam
You’re right, and Brittany didn’t like the term “suicide” used in her case because she didn’t WANT to die, but she was dying anyway so why not be allowed to alleviate her suffering a little and the suffering of her loved ones, who would have to watch her deteriorate. This way she was able to leave this earth peacefully.
Most Protestant/Evangelical Christians (non-Catholics) believe in once saved, always saved and that suicide by a saved person does NOT result in automatic condemnation to Hell. The Catholic Church believes something different. As a Baptist, I believe that if Brittany was saved, then she will live eternal life in Heaven. Someone of a different faith might believe she has been damned to hell.
@Princess Leia
Correct me if I’m wrong but people who commit suicide go to purgatory, not hell. They are stuck in a kind of limbo along with babies who die before they’re baptized. I don’t believe that stuff but I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes for people who do believe in it.
Jenna the battle is for death with *dignity*. For most that means peacefully in their own bed. The methods of taking one’s life that do not involve medical assistance are often anything but peaceful. This is why the law matters.
But you have to take into account that many catholics thonk and do as they please/choose, even being catholics. There are those people who refuse to leu a comatose person die, keeping him or her alive through artificial means and there are those who decide freely not to take that path for him/herself or their loved ones.
What is interesting about the RCC’s stance on suicide and sin and all that is how my father, who did commit suicide several years ago, was ‘allowed’ to have his funeral service in our hometown Catholic church. With a mass. Perhaps that was an exception b/c the priest was extra-understanding or whatnot, but it was such a lovely gesture and as his family, we were grateful the church didn’t turn away our request.
I’m in Oregon and am so grateful for our DWD Act. It truly should be a personal choice and legally allowed and protected.
If you commit suicide, you can have a full Catholic funeral. The Church reversed its policy in 1983.
As for someone going to hell for committing suicide, that is not the case. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
“We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives” (CCC 2283)
No matter how much you sugar coat it or soak it in tears, suicide is suicide. It is the choice one makes when life becomes so unbearable to them, they’d rather cease to exist.
@Jaime & @Sam: you both hit upon some of the aspects of end of life that don’t come up in most discussions. Particularly the cost associated with it and, “She didn’t reject life, she rejected a long, painful death.” We should all have the right to control this aspect of our lives.
Christianity does not say suicide keeps you out of heaven. Catholics say that!! And that’s just another of their man-made rules. It is nowhere in the Bible! The Bible says the ONLY THING that will keep you out of heaven is rejecting Jesus as your Lord and Saviour and rejecting the great price he paid on the Cross. Sinning is not what causes people to go to hell it’s rejecting Jesus’ payment for those sins. The new covenant between God and Jesus, cut in Jesus’ blood says of the Believer, “Your sins and iniquities I will remember no more.”
Just a few points:
1. Christianity has many denominations and Catholicism is one.
2. The larger point I was trying to make is that people should have the right to decide how they wish to die.
@ Tayma
No where in the Bible does it say ‘ once saved, always saved”
What it does say:
Matt 24: 13 ” He who ENDURES to the end will be saved.
Jude 5 ” I desire to remind you, though you were once for all fully informed, that he Saved a people out if the land of Egypt AFTERWARDS DESTROYED those who did not believe ( Israelites who disobeyed)
Yes, suicide is displeasing to God but God knows the state of what the person was going through, so it’s only for Him to judge.
Pinkrose said it so well. Anyone who would wish this beautiful, accomplished young woman to suffer more than she did, doesn’t carry any goodness or godlike attributes within their heart. The article about the final days of Brittany said that she suffered seizures, severe head and neck pain, and stroke-like symptoms. You have to know she was in terrible pain, and she said from the minute she went public that she wanted to take her life before she was physically unable to do so. The final stage of brain cancer is horrendous and the pain beyond belief. You want her to go through that to satisfy your idea of what God would want? The God I know is a God of forgiveness and I believe he would welcome Brittany with His arms open wide.
believe it or not, most of the crazy “Christian” beliefs cannot be blamed on Catholicism. for all of its faults, the catholic church endorses evolution and does not condemn suicides to hell. What is interesting is that this whole debate right here ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ shows the strength of the grasp that evangelical Christianity has on this country.
@alreadyready — I’m with you …. when I saw Alamooney on the cover with this extraordinary young woman I thought “not Tweedledee and Tweedledum AGAIN !!”
@alreadyready and Milly Stephen Collins is on the cover too. Amalooney is worse than Stephen Collins?
I believe with all my being that she is in Heaven. Good people go to Heaven. The bible is open to interpuritation, but the Heaven I’m going to-she is there. I believe God is capable of forgiveness so far beyond what any human can understand! I just said a prayer for her and I’m not kidding…I had about 5 cold chills as I said it(that’s never happened before?)! May God bless her, and now she can walk cancer free on the golden streets.
Some so-called ‘Good People’ do not go to Heaven. It is not by our works (good deeds) that we get into heaven. It is through the finished works of Jesus. If a single human being could be good enough to get into heaven on his own, then Jesus died in vain! The good thing is that God is a loving God and He is looking for ways to get his beloved creations into Heaven, not keep them out. No sin, not even suicide, is greater than the power of Jesus’ shed blood! All one has to do is believe and accept his sacrifice!.
what has Amal to do with it? She´s a succesful woman who likes to be famous for marrying a movie star. That don´t make her a bad person.
And for real who cares about the Clooneys when there is the 7th heaven-monster on the cover too!!! That alone is an insult!
RIP, and I’m glad that she had the choice and control over how this disease would take her.
Yes. I really admire how she handled the death sentence given to her with grace, courage and dignity. Wishing her family and husband peace.
This. Bless. Brave lady, brave choice. Rest in peace.
I agree. I am also thankful that she gave this VERY important issue a giant spotlight. Our political leaders spend too much time bickering about non-important matters, instead of focusing on issues that actually impact people’s lives and deaths.
At the very least, I hope this woman’s story will spur state lawmakers into action in a few more states.
I totally agree! We all got taught a lesson by the Terri Schiavo case and we had deep discussions about Healthcare Directives and such. Now we need to suck it up and deal with this subject. It ain’t pretty and it ain’t nice. But we are as a species living longer and living with the fact that we can get horrible cancers or other diseases that destroy our quality of life. People with untreatable pain or over the top seizures, etc., etc., like Brittany Maynard do not want to end life. They don’t want to die, they simply do not want to live in torture. And it is torture. Agony is no way to live.
We must as a culture stand up for the right for people to make their own choices here. And we must allow people to be able to legally have a plan in place for a doctor to do what their bodies will no longer allow them to do alone. If a person in the final states of MS can no long swallow or can no longer use their hands, should they be forced to look through eyes that still have a functioning brain….beseeching SOMEONE to help them cross over to the other side…..something that is inevitable??? Should family members look into those eyes knowing they are helpless to end the suffering of the one they adore? It breaks my soul.
Huntington’s Disease runs in the family of our granddaughter. Her mother lost her father and two sisters in a horror that is beyond words. I pray I do not live long enough to see sweet little Jada get this disease. She has a 50/50 chance if her mother has it. Her mother refuses to be tested. So we don’t know and we are frightened. Look up Huntington’s on Google. No cure. All horror. Where is God for them? I think religion needs to be out of this and humanity and compassion needs to be in it. (Although I do pray and pray hard for Jada.) Society needs to work on this.
What if every person on this website decided to stand up for the right to die with dignity? What if we made a pact to fight for this….from coast to coast? Could we make our own lives mean something if we fought for Brittany’s brave cause? Could we?
Amazing post, MyCatLoves TV! Gave me goosebumps and tears in my eyes!
“We must as a culture stand up for the right for people to make their own choices here. And we must allow people to be able to legally have a plan in place for a doctor to do what their bodies will no longer allow them to do alone.”
You are so right! Only a collective effort and pressure to change current laws will make things happen. Nothing will happen if we don’t DEMAND it!
“What if every person on this website decided to stand up for the right to die with dignity? What if we made a pact to fight for this….from coast to coast?”
I think that would be a BEAUTIFUL thing!
Brainstorming….
What if we crafted a letter stating the changes that we’d like to see at the state or federal level that could be sent by CB’ers to their representatives?
Mycatlovestv- if you ever have a chance, you might tell your granddaughter’s mother about the ENROLL-HD observational study . They’re hoping to enroll as many people with Huntington’s as well as their family members. The data they collect over the years might help your granddaughter or her descendants. I’ve read all the material carefully since I had to translate it for a job- and definitely you can ask to not be informed of any test results. There are different levels of participation, she can help even just by providing a family history.
I saw her final video and she cried several times during it. She didn’t make her decision lightly. She wanted to live.
Her courage, honesty, and dignity in the face of her circumstances is breath-taking.
May she rest in peace, and my heartfelt condolences and respect to her family and loved ones.
~~namaste~~
Her final video was heartbreaking and I believe she was crying more for her mother and husband more than for herself. She didn’t want her mom to be depressed because she’s her only child. She wanted her husband to move on and become a father. There is no pain after one dies, it is the people left behind that continue to suffer. I hope that her mom can find peace and that her husband finds someone to love again as much as he had loved Brittany.
Well said, kibbles.
*slow clap* This, kibbles. So much this.
Personally, if (forbid) something like this were to happen to a loved one of mine, I would hope they would have the right to end their suffering in a way THEY choose, be it a cocktail of barbituates (like Brittany), walking quietly into the ocean, or signing up as a test pilot. Just as long as they can leave this plane of existence on their own terms, not after being poked, prodded, and mechanically controlled like in some horrible science fiction movie. That’s how two of my grandparents died, and I never, EVER want anyone to experience that sort of thing EVER again.
When she said she wanted her husband to grieve, yes, but then to move on, find someone and be a father because she wanted his happiness & knew he’d be a great father……I lost it.
There’s a book out there. Can’t remember the title or author, but it clarifies the choice for taking your own life.That nobody wants that. It’s frightening and your mind struggles against it for survival instincts.
It’s a person in a highrise building. At an open window. Flame are reaching closer. You don’t want to jump, but you don’t want the flames reaching you.
That’s by David Foster Wallace.
He uses as an analogy for depression and suicide. The flames are unrelenting depression that threatens to consume you and the window is suicide. Either way, the only outcome one can see is death, but suicide is the quicker, less painful option.
this has haunted me ever since i heard about her decision sometime last month. there’s this idea that we’re guaranteed a whole life ahead of us at 29 years of age and this strikes a cold fear in my heart but i am astounded, humbled, and inspired by her courage.
i’ve read her interview and her statement; she didn’t want to go but she knew the cancer was going to do its damage and truly run its course and she took control. It is a testament to the fact that her push for awareness is working because a month ago i couldn’t even click on the words “Brittany Maynard” because it terrified me to read about her and prognosis and her decision. It would literally keep me up for hours at night. Now, I’m glad that everyone’s talking about her because too many people are going to face choices like this at some point in their lives and not know or have the courage or feel persecuted for opting to do this (given that they live in a state that legally allows for it). I’ve been able to read about it, think about it meaningfully, and wrap my brain around it more and she truly astounds me. I cannot imagine or fathom how people can say something so negative and criticize a woman and her family who made such a courageous choice.
I totally understand about the religious underpinnings that motivate people’s views. But why isn’t it sufficient to say “i may not make that same choice for xyz reason but out of compassion, i still understand her reason for doing so?” she’s clearly a bright, love-life and all it has to offer kind of person–she’s doing this because her hand is forced and she wants control in how she goes.
+1.
During a six week span of time eight years ago, I lost a cousin to the same cancer as Brittany and then later my mother to breast cancer. They had agonizing deaths. The last 2 weeks were especially bad for my mom. Both were cared for by hospice which is a gift that makes things slightly more bearable. How anybody that has witnessed someone losing a life to cancer could be negative about right to die is beyond me. I think people that haven’t experienced terminal cancer in a loved one have this misconception that people are lucid and in good shape until right up before death. That is most certainly not the case.
I kept seeing comments on facebook, etc like “she should have trusted god…”. She should have trusted god to do what exactly? Suddenly reach down from heaven and cure her? I don’t get it. If all you have to do is trust god then shouldn’t you avoid all treatment since the big guy will take care of it? Or how about you trust god to provide you with a way to minimize your pain and suffering even though it will end your life? Again, I cant understand these people. I am a pragmatist and I support anything that will make life better. I believe in this case, and I am sure others as well, that right to die actually makes life more livable when you can control your fate.
These “Godly” people have no faith that their god provided the medication that aided Brittany to return to “him”.
Seriously .. do they ever think that ending ones suffering IS what “god” would want?
I think it goes beyond religious beliefs, it has to do with the training of medical doctors. I watched a doctor, don’t recall his name, older guy, mention that he was against assisted suicide because it went against the premise that doctors are healers. But that’s a ridiculous notion in cases where we know that healing is not possible. It seemed his greatest argument against anyone deciding their own fate was the end of life experience he had with his own wife, who lived longer than the projected life expectancy made by physicians. He didn’t seem to be addressing much of his wife’s experience, but that HIS experience was better because she hadn’t chosen to die. I don’t think it’s fair to base your personal experience as a reason to deny everyone else that decision, firstly, and secondly, we do not have the wife’s take on her own experience, he was speaking for her.
DCJ, thank you. Most people don’t understand the toll cancer takes. Not only on the person with cancer but also friends and family. My father died of cancer in 1975 when living wills were virtually non-existent and don’t believe hospice was an option at the time. I admire my mother greatly for allowing him to die at home and not put in a hospital where he would have lived longer than he should have. The Dr at the time would make house calls. I also have a good friend who died of the same cancer as Brittany. I wish more states had the Die with Dignity law.
I am really sorry for your loss and the way it happened.
I remember a school friend of mine who was assisting her mother in the terminal phase of an awful cancer (pancreas I think, I am not sure) and she told me “I wish I could help her stop suffering” but she couldn’t because it was, and still is, illegal, and at 18 she had to see her mother die through unnecessary pain.
My reply to those people was that she was trusting God to help her to make the right choice, to take care of her friends and family after she was gone.
@Kiddo re: that old doctor’s philosophy: Doctors ideally are healers (tho’ often we might also be considered “managers”), but when the body can no longer be healed why not aim to support (or ok, “heal”) the mind & spirit? I think more doctors are starting to see things this way as we are now trained in a biopsychosocial model that did not exist in the old days. My personal and professional aim is to find the health in a person and help it to grow & thrive. It’s not always easy, but even in the sickest folks there is nearly always some spark of health to support. In my experience if the mind & spirit aren’t on board with health, the body is unlikely to follow.
” I think people that haven’t experienced terminal cancer in a loved one have this misconception that people are lucid and in good shape until right up before death.”
Great point. It can be hard for people who haven’t been there to know how difficult the situation can be.
@moomoo, I agree that the education is changing and that’s a good thing. But there is a point in every human’s life where the mind and spirit decide not to fight the inevitable. Sometimes families have to tell the dying that it’s okay ‘to go’. She just made this decision ahead of that inevitability. The struggle to remain/ not remain had already been decided, KWIM? Her spirit was at peace with the decision and no unsettled business remained with her family.
Yes, to everything you wrote.
She’s even made top of the hour news headlines here in the UK. I just did a little cry for her a few minutes ago. I have ultimate respect for people like Maynard, who not only force us to talk about this difficult stuff but also make us understand that if we all started any topic from a perspective of compassion, the world would be a much better place.
I’ve cried for her too, Sixer.
Here’s virtual hug just for you, Celebitchy friend:
*hug*
+1. I hope her journey out was painless and that her family finds peace.
I don’t know if either of you guys have seen Terry Pratchett’s series on assisted dying? If not, and if you can find it on YouTube or wherever, it’s well worth a watch.
I’m glad she had a good death. Would that we all could.
Yes exactly. And I admire her strength for choosing to go the way she did.
Not just that she made that choice and appeared to have fully researched it, but how she approached her end. To live as much as she could and telling the world about it.
The world lost another good soul.
Too many tears!
Amen.
This was a hot topic among some of my friends on Facebook yesterday, unfortunately it turned ugly in both cases. I hope she’s in a happy pain free place now, she made the decision that was right for her and her family and it’s not anyone’s business to judge her for that. I currently have a friend that has brain cancer, he’s trying to fight, but he’s now blind , can’t walk and is in extreme pain all of the time, his wife has had to take off work to take care of him 24/7 and their medical bills are well over $1 million dollars. Cancer is a son of a b..tch and I hope they have relief soon.
I wish people would mind their own business and respect other people’s wishes to do what they want with their bodies, or what their loved ones decide to do if they are incapacitated and incapable of making a decision. Whether it be the right to choose (abortion) or to choose to die with dignity, it is an individual’s right, and no one has the right to tell others when to have children or when to die or whom to marry. I would have made the same choice had I been in Brittany Maynard’s shoes. She was courageous until the very end and her legacy will live on to help others faced with terminal illness to die in the comfort of their home with their loved ones. If you don’t agree then that is your right; you can choose to die in immense pain and agony if you ever have the misfortune of being in this position, but you have no right to dictate that same fate to other people.
If you put out your story in the open, don’t expect people to mind their own business. But that being said, people should respect her decision. It’s her body, after all. She can do whatever she likes.
I believe in miracle as I know someone personally who was diagnosed with cancer and was told she only had 3-6 months to live but she lived for more than 3 years since the diagnosis. She was able to attend both of her grandsons wedding and was able to meet her great grandson because she decided to just wait for her time.
But like I said earlier, everyone should be able to make decision about their own bodies and whatever is the outcome of their decision, it should be respected.
Totally agree kibbels.No one has the right to tell you what to do with your life or body.People need to mind their own business.I am sure she is at peace now finally.R.I.P.
We’re all going to die, whether at 6 weeks, or at 29 years, or at 95 years old. All we can do is provide compassionate care to those for whom death is coming soon, and that includes allowing them to choose a peaceful and dignified exit before illness robs them of everything that makes them who they are and makes life worth the living. We offer this kindness to our pets who are unable to voice a choice, the least we can do is provide this last solace to people who are actively requesting it. No one should be reduced to hanging or shooting themselves in a hotel room in order to cheat a horrific terminal illness of months of excruciating suffering.
I’ve been an advocate of physician-assisted suicide laws since I saw a documentary called “How to Die in Oregon” a few years ago. Seeing these people with horrible, terminal illnesses saying “thank you, thank you, thank you” for being allowed to end their suffering on their own terms was one of the most moving things I’ve ever witnessed. I’m so glad Brittany had this option available to her, and I wish her family peace and healing.
That was a heartbreaking doc. I pretty much bawled my through it, and it definitely changed my thoughts on the subject. I’m not sure if it is something I would choose, but I don’t think anybody can say what they would do unless they are in that position.
I saw that documentary for use in a huge research paper in college, I was very anti-physician assisted suicide/euthanasia, but after watching a few docs, reading papers/books about the people, having family with severe cancer I completely changed my mind. I’m for it completely, unless someone knows what it’s like, they have no idea what it’s like. Those against it, there is criteria to be met in order for this procedure to be done. We do the same to pets when they’re in pain, and the animals have no say.
Honestly, i completely understand wanting to die with dignity but i’d be lying if i said the thought didn’t scare me a little. A lot, actually. I could never, ever imagine being in that position and i would say she was very courageous in making that choice, even though many people i know would criticise her. I saw my grandfather deteriorate very, very quickly from his cancer. Less than 6 months after he was diagnosed, he passed away. At times, i wonder what i would have done if i were him. I’ve yet to find a “perfect” answer.
I hope this woman is resting painlessly. Cancer is the worst.
There was a Nip/Tuck episode where Sean’s lover refused treatments and decided to end her life with Sean’s help. That episode was heartbreaking and at the same time scary. I do not know if I can assist the death of a loved one.
With no hope for the patient? I could. Read Jayna’s comment, (#44) It just convinced me.
I agree with you completely, it’s a scary thought and to me personally, it’s unimaginable. But that’s also the main problem with this issue. No one who is healthy (physically and mentally) can truly understand what it takes to get to a point where you would fight to be able to end your own life. It takes a lot and while I understand that wish, I can’t say I’m able to put myself in those shoes. I simply can’t. I’m very lucky that I have never seen a loved one die of cancer or any other long, painful illness. I think most people have. My bff’s friend’s little sister died of a brain tumor when she was 16 and it just destroyed the family for years. She died at home and from what little I know, it was neither painless nor quick. Even from afar, that whole ordeal was horrible and anyone who has the gall to tell her mother that this was God’s will? Go hide in a basement somewhere.
I disagree, I’m healthy and I can absolutely understand a person’s desire to die with dignity. My step-sister’s husband had terminal brain cancer, he fought it valiantly but it took him, cruelly and unmercifully. But it wasn’t his illness that convinced me, it was killing my dying cat when I was 16 that forever convinced me that death can be merciful and desirable. Death is inevitable for all of us, pretending otherwise leaves you unprepared to cope when it happens. We can’t just live in a childhood fantasy all of our lives, we have to decide these things for ourselves and not force the decision onto our family members if something happens to us. We talk about this things in my family, we know each other’s wishes and everybody should do that with their loved ones. It’s part of caring for a family member, trying to ensure a death with dignity and honoring a person’s wishes.
We’re not really disagreeing but maybe I should’ve been clearer in saying that I do support not only a person’s right to die but also assisted suicide. I just said that for me personally, it’s difficult to comprehend but I’m still in favor of people having that choice. I made a comment to that effect further down.
She was amazing, and I am glad she is no longer suffering — and that the time to end the suffering was her choice.
I applaud her brave decision. Cancer is a @#@%$#%$ but as a mother I can’t help but feel for her mother. That agony of watching your child having to make such an impossible choice; knowing that there is nothing you could do but agree to have your heart broken (either way really) No winners in this. I pray for her family. I’m not sure i wouldn’t have laid down with my daughter and went with her. <3
Elisabeth, your last line made me cry uncontrollably! I have one child and she’s my world, I can’t imagine not being with her, even in an afterlife.
I also have one child, my daughter, that is truly the light of my eyes and the joy of my heart. I seriously couldn’t hear the mother talking without crying. You could tell she was barely keeping it together. I would just lose my mind, literally.
I was thinking the same thing. I’d want to just lay down with him. This thread is making me cry with every other comment. I’m going to finish this one later.
I think that there is nothing that undignified to die from a disease, I think this brings you only control and maybe what I say is controversial but I just can not approve. Life is sacred and death is not a solution even when you are going to die soon. We are all going to die some day and most old and sick, that is not that much different even tough many feel that way.
Yes, life is sacred, but this disease is very painful and debilitating. When it comes down to it, it was her decision, and honestly, if I were in her shoes, I probably would’ve done the same. Unless, we’re personally going through a disease like this, we have idea what it’s like.
“Life is sacred and death is not a solution even when you are going to die soon.”
I don’t understand. Of course it is. It’s a solution to suffering, whether you approve or not. The thing is, you can make the choice to let nature take its course but who are you or who are any of us to make that choice for others? It’s really not about your or anyone’s approval. And there is a world of difference between dying at 85 after having lived a full life and dying at 20, after spending a long time in a hospital.
But do you think people have the right to believe differently than you? Or are you arguing for a position where everyone must believe as you do?
If life is ‘sacred’, then so is death. As such, her decision to die is worth much more than your opinion on it. That is to say, SHE DOESN’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL. So then why even shout out to the ‘sacred’ universe, “but I just can not approve.” The ego on you!
The people who throw the most lip-service towards the sanctity of life seem to have the least understanding about basic biology.
Thank you Rosetta. I agree completely!
Chinoiserie, why on earth would someone making a decision about their own life want or need your approval? So you have strong (presumably religious) convictions, great…live by them, then. You have no business deciding the course of others’ lives!
Chino – i agree with you and do not see your statement as anything but your opinion, stated gently and thoughtfully. And also, it is so ridiculous to say “don’t judge” when virtually every statement in this thread is a judgment. Even when the judgment agrees with Brittany’s choice. People are still judging. The non judgmental response would be to refrain from having/holding an opinion.
Having just seen my own mother go through months of sickness and a horrible ending in palliative care, I wished many times that we in Canada had a death with dignity act. When someone is in a situation of facing a grueling, painful and drawn-out death that causes them and their families so much suffering, I agree it’s often best to have the option of checking yourself out.
Condolences on your recent loss, Jaded.
my condolences, Jaded.
and i agree, i think even if one don’t use it in the end, it’s good to have the knowledge that such option is available.
i hope you and your family find comfort.
Condolences from me, too, Jaded.
Having recently seen my own mother die suddenly (from a virus) when we were all expecting to go through a similar process (she had leukaemia), it’s quite a difficulty reconciling relief that she was spared that with grief that she was gone so suddenly.
My brother died of Hodgins Disease which is similar to leukemia. He was nine years old and nobody was praying for death…….we were praying for miracles. Twenty years later, I still have his picture on my wall. He gave us all joy but believe God needed him in Heaven to teach grace and strength to the Angels. He could be a little devil, but actually looked like an angel with his beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. His name was Jackie.
Sympathies, Gina.
Small world: I’m a two-time survivor of Hodgkin’s. As my mother also suffered from leukaemia, another lymphatic cancer, we were part of a study investigating genetic markers and triggers. Hopefully, that and other research will make treatment better for those who come after us.
@Sixer, Thanks for making your burden a way to help the human race. Big hugs to you, my dear. You knew I was already a fan, but more so now.
Aww. Thanks, Kiddo. There was nothing heroic about it though – we got asked, we did a blood test and gave them access to our past and ongoing medical records and that was it. Fingers crossed it’s added to the pile of knowledge.
My sympathies Sixer, it’s really tough losing one’s mother but if there’s one bit of happiness in our loss, it’s that our moms are in a happy place right now.
@ Sixer: Yay, I am so happy for you sweetie. You’re a survivor and here to share your story. I wish that study had been available for Jack. Thanks for your encouragement and I truly hope you lead a healthy life from hereon in!! Scientists really have to get together on cancer treatments and cures. Too many people lost to this heinous disease.
Peace be with you Jaded. A virtual hug and support from New Mexico.
Thank you BooBoo – I’m really touched at the thoughtful comments from my fellow CBers. Blessings.
Peace and love to her family and friends, especially her sweet, understanding, patient mother, and very supportive husband. Brittany and her loved ones will be in my thoughts, especially when I travel.
What a horrible position that this young woman was put in. I suppose she felt empowered that she could choose her own destiny. But her death was imminent, she was going to leave this world as she came into it in God’s time. I’m not a zealot, but firmly believe my life is in God’s hands, good or bad. I do hope she found some peace and her family can live with her decision. I don’t think mine is the popular opinion, but we all have our own beliefs on life and the afterlife. I hope her last decision on earth was the right one and that she found peace.
God gave her the medicine to set her free.
God lead her to the people who helped her end her suffering .
God put her in a family that supported her choice.
God put her on the planet to send her message out at this time in history.
God had this all planned from the moment Brittany was born.
I hope this shows that “God’s truth” can be understood in many ways.
Hey Milly: Waiting on a call and can’t get off this page. Yes God did all the things you mentioned. But God take not take her life. She did. She was in agony and preplanned her death. She took her own life. It seems like people are trying to make Brittany some sort of martyr. I had a cousin who years ago planned her own demise, arranged her own funeral, had everything down to the last detail. She too was suffering but not as openly as this girl. She went to the cellar and shot herself. It was her son that found his mother’s body. So her suffering was over but her sons will never end.
I’m with Milly. Maybe,it was God’s way to end the suffering.
It’s not about taking sides with anyone. My heart aches for that lovely girl and her family. I am not an evangelist of any sort…..it’s strictly my own beliefs, do not kill does not come with the caveat unless you’re in misery. She did what she did and who am I to judge her. Strictly and totally my own personal belief.
It matters not what you believe. She was courageous in the face of a debilitating disease and made the right choice for herself. Kudos to her family and friends who supported her decision.
I live in Washington but grew up in Oregon. You should see the horrible, nasty comments on our local FB news sites. I can say that watching a person die is so terrible for the family and obviously much much worse for the person. I know this from very recent personal experience. The things the person goes thru…. 😢. We wouldn’t let a family pet go thru it, so why would anyone try to guilt someone they love in to going thru it! Bless her and her family! She can now rest in peace and her family knows they helped her make the decision, no matter how hard, that she wanted. 😢😢
I couldn’t agree with you more- the compassion we extend to animals but deny people! I come to CB for well mannered discussion of issues( well, backing out Cumberbatch/Hiddles posts-lol), and purposefully avoided other sites to avoid comments of the type you described.
I think that folks for the most part have no idea of what devastating death by cancer/other causes is. People suffer, it can take weeks and it ain’t pretty. She is past suffering, and while the folks she left behind are suffering, there is also comfort in that she no longer is.
That’s what I don’t understand, why do people show their animals more compassion in a situations like this? It makes no sense.
R.I.P Brittany. Very courageous young woman.
I live in Oregon and am glad we have this law in place here.
Your (generic your) religious beliefs should not have an impact on my personal decisions.
Today is a charged day in Tennessee. Off to vote to keep religion out of my Doctor’s office.
I would’ve done the same and yes, I think every state should give people with a terminal disease the right to die on their own terms.
I hope Brittany and her family find peace during this time. I can’t imagine having to make such a decision at her age. I’m happy to see that most of the comments on CB are positive. She certainly did not come to her decision lightly, and as Bedhead and others have pointed out, she did not want to die. It pains me to see people criticising her for a decision they have never had to make. It angers me to see people using religion to criticise Brittany when they themselves have never been in such a situation. Her story is one of compassion and living life to the fullest.
what a brave woman! I don’t know how anyone can judge someone for choosing to end their life with peace instead of suffering. her life, her choice.
RIP.
While I’m in favor of people having the choice in theory, there are very real and serious questions about how right to die laws are implemented. I’m with advocates for the disabled on this one.
And Stephen Collins “Shocking Scandal” right next to this story? really?
I agree. Some of the implications scare me. I worry about sick people being pressured into assisted suicide and possibly being shamed for using up resources.
I also hate the phrase “death with dignity”. It implies that the other ways of dying are undignified.
RIP! She is at peace.
She is a very courageous woman. I hope I will have that choice when and if needed it in future, to die with dignity surrounded by loved ones. One of my colleague’s wife died of Brain tumor, suffered terribly for a long time, never wish that even on my enemy.
I hate to see to Alamooney picture there on the same page, HATE it.
I have watched 2 loved ones die an agonizing death due to cancer, my family watched 3 Other family members die from agonizing, debilitating, & long battles with cancer knowing it was killing them & nothing they could do. All 5 of our families loved ones battle & death took an emotional & heavy financial toll. I think Brittany was very courageous to die on her own terms and in a peaceful way. Her death is hard enough on her family & I understand her reasons for wanting to end her life on her own terms and spare them the lasting memory of her suffering so badly at the end as she would have. I agree its not suicide in my book, she wanted to live & loved life. May she rest in peace now & her family find peace as well.
Good for her, for making her choice and planting the seed on this issue. My in-laws took care of my husbands grandfather during the last months of his battle with cancer and it was awful. Everyone should have this choice. If cancer is terminal and you know you are going to die, you arent committing suicide. Like she said, no part of her wanted to die. And about “trusting God,” I’m an atheist so I have no delusions that God gave her cancer and can take it away. Not everyone is religious and you shouldn’t try to force your faith in God on her. Whether she was religious or not, it doesnt matter. She died with dignity and I respect this brave woman.
The only way to take away someone’s right to suicide is to take away their free will. So this is just making different options available in how to carry it out. I wonder if there are legal repercussions–are survivors impacted differently by a suicide than a death by disease? What about life insurance?
This is what I was thinking. I mean… yeah, it’s “illegal” but what are they going to do about it? Charge you if you survive?! Not allow you to be on life support if you’re only partially successful?
Jenna, you don’t to have an ounce of sense in your head. Obviously, legalizing it opens up PEACEFUL avenues to carry out the act… Can you really be so dense as to make this comment twice?
I have shed tears for this woman and her family… she is so brave and this is something that needed to happy for society and those in power of making laws to wake up and realize that people deserve to die with dignity/when they want.
Honestly… if I was in this situation… I would have done the same thing. It’s not legal here in Canada (yet)… but that wouldn’t stop me. It wouldn’t be difficult to find something to overdose on.
Coward.
Wow, Faun.
Faun, have you ever experienced a loved one dying an excruciating death hooked up to tubes, catheters, with bedsores, depending on shots of morphine to get through one more minute? Well I have. Several times. Most recently with my dear mother who passed away a few days ago. Believe me, every time I saw her wince in pain and beg for death I sorely wished for her to have what you wrongly call the “coward’s” way out.
Troll.
You sure are.
After watching my Mother-in-Law die of cancer, I can say that I absolutely support death with dignity. Seeing someone, who was once a bundle of energy, laying in a hospital bed with tears running down her face from pain was something I will never forget. No one should have to spend their final days like that if they don’t want to do so. Death with dignity seems like the most humane of options, in my opinion.
Totally agree Duchess – there’s nothing worthy or brave about going through that. Neither will it put you at the front of the line into Heaven for placing your suffering in the hands of God because you are just an unworthy human, unable to make your own decisions.
Agreed. It is just a sad, painful ending for someone to go through that. Medicine does amazing things, to be sure. But, sometimes, the kindest medicine would be to end the suffering. At least Brittany was able to go in her own way in peaceful surroundings. We should all be so lucky to experience that. I had wished as much for my Mother-in-Law, who I loved very much. Instead, she was disoriented, drugged, and in pain. There was nothing “godly” about what she endured.
People are so quick to say that death with dignity goes against the will of God. How do they know that this option isn’t a gift from a higher power…perhaps finding a gentle way to end a life of pain is in itself a blessing? I don’t pretend to know the answers, but I do think it is important to keep an open mind, and not to judge others for their choices.
As for me, I would like to have the same option as is offered for a beloved animal companion…the chance to end suffering in a place of my choosing, surrounded by peace and love. I hope I will never have to make such a choice, but I hope it is available if I do.
Arthur Kaplan is a bioethicist. I first heard him speak years ago during the Teri Schiavo debacle. It was the day her husband won the legal right to let her go. This after years of litigation.
All the talking heads were on TV that day, doing their talking head blah-blah, back and forth, debating each other and picking fights. I was fed up and at that point, listening with only one ear. Then on comes Kaplan, who said the one intelligent thing to be said all day:
“I am not a fan of unnecessary suffering.”
Here he is on Brittany.
http://www.kgw.com/story/news/health/2014/11/03/brittany-maynard-death-assisted-suicide-cancer-kaplan/18415085/
Thank you for the link! Arthur Kaplan wrote about this topic beautifully. For the same reason I am a pro-choice woman, I am pro-choice on this issue. My body, my choice. Your body, your choice. Anything else is simply noise.
I don’t know this woman but I feel an enormous amount of respect and admiration for her.
I wouldn’t choose to do what she did, I don’t think, but that’s the thing – one can never know. No one should have to suffer as she was and would.
I pray for her and her family and friends.
Once you have watched someone die of cancer, and I don’t mean visiting them a few times, I mean going to the hospital every day not just because you love them, but because you fear it may be the last time you see them. You sit beside them as they ask you to hold their hand and they almost crush it because of the indescribable pain that won’t leave. You endure the arguments with family because the hospital says they’re going to stop feeding your relative, but certain family members want to continue doing so, even though your relative can no longer swallow. You not only don’t believe this is now your life, but you’ve completely underestimated how bad the abyss in which your loved one now lives would be.
For the type of cancer this young woman had, there hasn’t been a new treatment investigated in 30 years. I cannot judge her or her family-I know what they’ve been through and I can only send them love
beautifully said.
+1
+10000000
Perfect.
This was a brave choice. RIP
Ok, hopefully I can get my thoughts together enough to explain my feelings, but I’m truly confused about some of the religious aspects of this. I’ve seen so many comments about this woman going to hell, or how she’s “playing God” by choosing to end her life, but how is that different than trying to fight it? Wouldn’t that be getting in the way of “god’s plan” as well? She probably would’ve died months ago had she not had surgery to remove the original tumor, how is that different? That line of thinking has never made sense to me because it’s completely contradictory.
Same thing when a child dies from cancer or some tragic accident, people say, “God needed another angel”, so he forced a child to endure an excruciating death just so he could have an angel? If God is omnipotent and the giver and taker of all life then why be angry if he takes life in the form of abortion? Or why say children are a gift from God but then get disgusted when he chooses to give children to gay couples?
It drives me crazy trying to figure this out, so if any of you understand and would like to explain I’d appreciate it! I’m asking as respectfully as possible, not trying to be rude:)
Human suffering is so unspeakably frightening to some people that they try to compromise mortality with religion. Religion is a comfort to many and they try to reassure others with it. I don’t think it’s supposed to come across as callous as it does, I think it’s a misguided attempt to soothe themselves and those who those who survive their loved ones.
Why can’t it work both ways? One of my neighbors is an avowed atheist. However, I didn’t know for a long time why she was. When she finally told me, I was sort of struck. She told me her son had passed away years ago. She also said her son was not a very nice guy. He had abused many people, stolen, and generally not been that great in life, but his mother still really loved him. She was a Baptist up until he died. She explained it to me by stating that if she continued to be a theist, she would believe her son was in Hell, or that he was suffering and paying penance for what he had done. She said it was easier for her, and more comforting, to accept that her son no longer existed in any way.
What do you make of someone like that? In that case, can atheism not serve in the same way that you’re arguing that theism does? For this woman, theism put forth a an answer that she simply could not stomach, so she rejected it. I’m wondering how situations like that fit in with your stance.
Personally (just my own opinion) I think hell is a comfort, too. Religions can be quite contradictory in the salvation/damnation dilemma. It can promise paradise to the people it would otherwise condemn to hell if the sinner just says god is in their heart. I’m sure some of the people your neighbor’s son wronged comfort themselves with the notion of fire and brimstone for their abuser. I think religion preaches good and evil and that you’re one or the other, when in fact humanity isn’t as simple as two extremes. I can understand how loving someone who your religion condemns could drive a person away from the whole notion. Again, these are just my own thoughts on the subject and certainly not a definitive answer to all the questions religion poses.
Falkor, I think Hell is comforting when it’s not you that might be facing it! But that wasn’t exactly my question. There’s a common theme among some atheists (some, not all) that theism is a mental defense mechanism because the alternative is simply too painful to consider for most people (which you suggested initially), and that posits theism as a moral or intellectual weakness or failing. However, my question is whether the reverse can be equally true. In my example, you had a person for whom the theistic beliefs she had before presented a very painful idea for her – that her son was in the hereafter suffering. So she rejected it for a system that was more mentally palpable. Is she mentally weak for refusing to entertain a possibility that pains her? That was the question I was trying to flesh out.
ETA: I just have to add that your point about “people who just say god is in their heart” refers only to a small segment of Calvinist Christianity and “faith alone” type religions. Liberal Christianity does not teach such a thing. Liberal Christians believe that a lifetime of good works and charity, in addition to a belief in god, is essential to salvation.
@Sam
I would certainly not say one’s beliefs or lack of make them mentally weak, I don’t think religion has anything to do with an individual’s mental fortitude. Many strong, brilliant minds are devout and many are not. Historically I think religion serves as a mirror of societal fears. I think on a societal scale, religion is an attempt to reconcile life, death, and consciousness. On an individual scale, I would guess religion is utilized spiritually and whatever someone gets out of that is personal. If you don’t mind, what are your thoughts on a person who is altruistic while rejecting religion? I have never heard of Liberal Christianity and I’m poking around on google now for a better idea of exactly what the jist of it is.
Falkor: Yes, I absolutely believe that one can be entirely ethical, altruistic and caring and eschew religion. I know many people like that! Most of the people who are atheists that I know personally have the humanistic ethical outlook that posits that humans are really complex, social beings and we should treat each other with kindness because, well, it’s the right thing to do and it makes for a better society. And I’ve met religious people who are bigoted, nasty, and cruel. Ethics run the gamut, for me.
I personally think that any matters of faith are a complex cocktail of personal experience, ethics, beliefs, and other things. But above all, I tend to place experience at the top. Personal faith, to me, is so personal that any attempts to debate it will probably never end well. However, there is one thing in which most atheists and I agree totally – any attempts to place religion in the public sphere should be opposed. That is where I see 99% of all religious conflicts coming from. No religion should be dictating policy, law or government. The sad thing is that a minority of theists (and yes, it is a minority) think that its totally okay to force religion into the public sphere. I tend to believe that a secular government PROMOTES religious freedom because it really opens the arena for people of any faith (or lack thereof). That is what I see as the major problem facing religion today.
Different religions have different answers about suffering. A lot of the differences come down to arguments about God’s nature. Some religions teach that God allows suffering because suffering allows people to identify with Jesus, who had to suffer immensely to save us. Some believe that God set the Universe in motion with natural laws but that God does not intervene now. Some religions have no “God” but they believe in forces that guide our lives (like karma). Some believe that suffering is the process by which humans grow and learn purpose. And some people believe it’s just bad luck.
Personally, I choose to believe that whatever force is at play, it does not intentionally wish for us to suffer. But pain and suffering (physical, mental, emotional) is a natural part of the human condition. We cannot avoid it. What we can do is try to find purpose in it. Brittany clearly found great purpose in her’s – she became an advocate for a right that many people can’t access now. Out of her suffering, something good will emerge. I believe that many people whose suffering appears pointless (small children, for example) have the ability to touch hearts and minds and leave the world better than they found it.
And this is not limited to religion. Atheists vary in this too. Many atheists believe that suffering can offer the opportunity for personal growth, courage and great things. And some of them don’t. It’s not really a religion vs. non-religion issue. It’s an issue that sits at the core of human existence, regardless of what you think is out there.
And this is one of the countless reasons why I’m an atheist. 🙂
Can we leave gods and devils out of this? One person’s theism shouldn’t be so powerful as to invade every facet of life, death and law for others.
The objections to suicide are very complex- in particular, forced “suicide” has been used as a political maneuver for probably as long as politics has existed. Socrates and the hemlock etc. It’s relatively recently that we have effective and nonpainful ways for a person to decide to die quietly. We just haven’t sorted out all the ethics yet.
The Catholic Church in the USA at least objects to suicide on the same basis as its objections to abortion, the death penalty, and mass murder in unjust wars (decades ago they began to realize that weapons of mass destruction and nuclear war in particular can’t satisfy the traditional Augustinian criteria for a just war). I don’t think they are just being mindlessly control freaky, even though I believe people should be allowed to die on their own schedule. They aren’t fundamentalists trying to keep us all from sinning. As a matter of fact, I remember being taught in Catholic schools that although suicide is categorized as serious sin and such practices as not allowing burial on sacred ground developed as a deterrent, in reality nobody really knows the true state of the suicide’s relationship with God at the time of death. So even suicide is ultimately not unforgivable. Catholics aren’t so obsessed with hellfire as the Protestant tv preachers – my very Catholic brother has often pointed out (probably quoting somebody or other) that if hell exists, maybe it’s unoccupied.
Actually, Catholic hospitals are good places to be if you are terminal because they also believe that extraordinary measures are not morally required to sustain life under such circumstances. They were more willing than most to concentrate on palliative care rather than hooking people up futilely to machines forever. When my mother was in a Catholic cancer ward back in the 1980s, you could smell marijuana wafting from quite a few of the rooms. No police officer in town would have dared face off with the nuns! With my mother, they were just liberal with the morphine with do not resuscitate orders..
But in addition to the possible coercion issue, in the US we really do have a huge financial issue in dealing with any illness but especially terminal ones. People routinely get pushed into huge debt as a result. My mother dutifully kept up her insurance premiums all her life, but just one year in a nursing home (if she hadn’t conveniently died in the hospital) would have depleted her insurance since there were lifetime limits easily surpassed even in non-terminal illnesses. A ten minute ambulance ride can cost $1000 dollars and a short time in an emergency room can cost tens of thousands of dollars. Medical billings are astronomical. Insurance companies can pick and choose what they decide to actually pay even if you think you’re paying for 100% coverage above the deductible (hence my $15,000 UTI a few years ago, when all I needed was an antibiotic, which quickly inspired the insurance company to push me out of the pool by accelerating premium increases and forcing a too-high deductible). For people to have real choices, first we have to deal with the very real financial catastrophes involved in injury and illness here. There have been recent reforms abolishing pre-existing illness restrictions and lifetime caps, but the politicians and their insurance company sponsors are working hard to overturn them.
My mother died of a grade IV GBM. The progression is brutal. Typically steroids are used to prevent brain swelling. In lots of cases, it’s difficult to even keep the patient comfortable. My heart goes out to Brittany and her family who handled her illness with such grace. I’m glad she was able to choose when to end her life rather than being forced to suffer through the seizures, loss of mobility, and cognitive changes that are the hallmark of this disease.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve seen (again) what terminal cancer can do just recently with a lovely friend…who got every recognizable bit of herself taken away from her over some months, and great pain to be gotten through by basically doping the hell out of what was left. She literally lay and suffered through it till her body broke down enough to die. I can think of no reason for that suffering to have gone on as long.
I’ve been seeing all the back and forth about church teachings, suicide and God and his angels, etc…so I’ll add this. From the perspective of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism: we all have karmic loads that play out in different ways. Some are done with what they came to do by age 9, some 62 or 96. How we come into the world, experience it and the manner in which we leave both consume (burn out) previous karmic load (what Christians might call doing penance or earning rewards) as well as generate new karma that needs to be played out in future lives. That’s what leads to the cycle of birth and rebirth, as well the striking differences among us (wealth, beauty, opportunity, etc). Shortening the end of one’s life (when no effective life is left to be lived) does not make a difference unless one is trying the equivalent of wearing a hair-shirt to expunge any remaining sins through fleshly mortification (only a monk or committed spiritual aspirant would suffer for that reason). In which case, not only should we not die comfortably, but we should extend it to not taking pain-killers, medicines or having any other comfort or release. It takes great courage to see the end coming, and meet it on your terms. Jain people have a word for it…’sallekhana’, when one’s life is ended when it is determined no more can be accomplished through it.
Just some other perspectives.
As far as this wonderful young woman is concerned, I have thought about her a great deal this past weeks,…I cannot imagine how the so-called great concerns of each day (whether it’s the World Series, or the elections, or the latest clothes worn by so and so) seems in the perspective of someone preparing to leave the world. I feel there is a great lesson to be learnt here.
I enjoyed coming here to read this, btw. You guys are so nice!
I’m sorry. I lost my oldest sister to a Grade 4 glioblastoma.
Over and over I’m reading people here who have watched someone go through a long and prolonged death. They keep saying how it was awful. For all of you, I am so sorry. Genuinely sorry that you have had to witness that and see such pain in your loved ones. I’m proud to live in Oregon and I’m proud we have this law. I’m proud of Brittany for sparking a much needed conversation. It may be ugly and controversial but at least it’s being discussed and we need that. People need to hear how awful and painful and ugly death can be and how that isn’t necessary and it isn’t kind to make someone suffer like that when death is inevitable.
My dad passed away on August 5, 2014 from cancer. Even though we live in Oregon, I don’t believe the option of his right to die with dignity was ever discussed with him. I live several hours away from him so I wasn’t there to see how ill he had become toward the end. Every time I spoke with him, he told me he was doing great, felt fine, etc. It wasn’t until my uncle basically moved in with him that I realized how ill be truly was, and I immediately came home to see him. I thought I was going to faint when I walked into his home for the first time. My once strong, handsome father was a shell of his former self, unable to even get out of bed to greet me. He was completely incapacitated, had a catheter and adult diapers. It was awful. We weren’t especially close and had our share of issues, but to see him like that was something I will never forget. He chose to die at home and had requested that no measures be taken to prolong his life once he began a rapid decline, relying only on pain medication provided by hospice care. I know with absolute certainty that if he would have been given the choice to end his own life, he would’ve taken it, but once he began to seriously
approach death, it was too late for him to be able to make a cognitive decision about his options. In the end, there was no death from dignity….there was just….death. A painful, confusing, humiliating experience that didn’t need to happen as it did. My question is even in states such as mine where death with dignity options are available, are they offered to people who might want to exercise that right, or must people make their wishes known early in their illness before they have reached the point where they are no longer able to communicate their end of life plan? It’s such an incredibly personal decision and I feel so strongly about not letting someone else’s religious, moral, or ethical opinions make that decision for me or for someone I care about.
I can’t even imagine how heartbreaking that was to witness and you have my sincere condolences. As I understand, death with dignity options are something that a patient must pursue for themselves while still in a lucid state of mind.
My mother died of brain cancer. Screw anyone who is judgmental. It is a horrible way to go. My mother’s mind was such a mess and she was not even the same person and then she didn’t know how to even use her hands or understand how to help us set her on the toilet, diapers, delusional, crying at times from pain we couldn’t keep under control because the cancer had spread throughout her body. She was in such pain and to end it had to be so filled with pain medications, that she was practically comotose and was being filled with medicines around the clock anyway. It was so hard to keep track of them. She had a massive tumor come at the end and she was screaming in pain and we had medical emergency and Hospice there trying to get her pain down. It is such a brutal way to go and suffer as are other illnesses. What is proven by staying in a state that is bringing you nothing but agony. I would rather leave a little sooner while it is still bearable and I know my surroundings. Again, it all depends on the cancer or illness, and brain tumors are a sad way to go.
My friend’s mother suffered a massive stroke that was horrific. She was suffering so much, and had been such a vibrant woman, and every time my friend would visit her in the hospital, she would mouth to please help her go. She lived another agonizing four months and my friend felt like she let her mother down by letting her live like that because her mother was suffering so much and was a proud woman and didn’t want to live in this invalid state requiring round the clock care.
Let me die with dignity, and if that’s my choice to not hang on for a few extra months and suffer horribly, then it’s nobody’s business. And if you don’t agree with those terminal patients, it’s really none of your business about their last months and how they choose to leave this world..
Great comment Jayna. I have gone through this with my Mom. I would have wished to see her go with dignity. After watching her go the way she did will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Oh Jayna, I’m so sorry your mother suffered and I’m so sorry that you had to witness her pain. I wish death with dignity options could be more accessible for those stricken with such truly horrific illnesses that are going to take everything either way.
Thank you Jayna, I went through the same thing with my mother who passed away last week. Watching her for the last weeks of her life was utterly heartbreaking and I know it’s going to haunt me for a long time. There’s a huge difference between medicating a dying person until they die while they’re bed-ridden, hooked up to a bunch of tubes, oxygen mask, in diapers, in constant pain, to allowing them to make the decision to end their own life with a shred of dignity left. I wish we’d had the option to end her life that way, it would have meant so much less suffering, and all those who say it’s God’s will that we shouldn’t interfere are taking a very myopic view.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that Jayna.
My grandfather, who passed away this past August, also suffered from cancer that did not originate in his brain but spread there. It also robbed him of his abilities to eat, drink and talk. I am still traumatized by what i saw in his very last days. He was a completely different person from the grandpapa i knew and it hurt me even more knowing that he was suffering.
My grandfather wouldn’t have wanted us to “pull the plug” (so to speak) on him because he was devoutly religious. Yet, i can’t deny that i didn’t think about how much easier it would have been to do such a thing, although it would’ve been just as hard as it was watching him slip away.
My heart still hurts thinking about this. I understand Maynard’s decision so very much. It was a very difficult one to make and i hope people understand this very important point when discussing her case.
I appreciate all the comments, here, and my heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones to terminal illness. The word that comes up for me is courage, which applies to anyone facing their own mortality. I can’t imagine waking up to a sunrise and thinking that day may be all I have. Few people can. I’m glad Brittany’s story has become part of the national conversation. There will be differing opinions and strongly held beliefs, but the dialogue is healthy. My wish is that we engage with openness and curiosity and approach with compassion this issue which is a fundamental aspect of the human condition.
While I understand her choice and do not judge her, I completely disagree with it. I cannot even say why exactly, it’s just a primal reaction for me. I am not particularly religious, but I just can’t get on board with any part of this.
You do realise the law gives a CHOICE?! You will be able to suffer for months if that is your choice. Why restrict the choice of others? If you understood her choice you would be an advocate for these laws.
Maybe you’re laboring under the assumption that it’s something you should feel good about.
Mischance Jane- you’re probably just feeling the built-in survival instinct which is hard to get past. You might feel differently when faced with her situation, or if someone close to you is in the same situation. I think my brother and I and her sister were the happiest people at her wake, because we knew she really had been gone for quite a while. It was actually a relief when she died in a morphine haze. Some people are alert and mentally active and able to enjoy life well enough up to the end, but others have a much harder time in the dying process. In this woman’s case, she knew exactly what was coming and needed to act while she was still competent to make the decision and carry it out herself, to avoid more problems for those she loved.
Thank you for this post BH
Respect her wish people. Brittany may you rest in peace now.
Much as I respect Brittany’s choice, as society I’m afraid we’re truly playing with fire. There was the reality of Brittany’s life and choice, and then there is the emotionalism surrounding her story. Assisted suicide is not just one person’s choice though, it has implications for us all and my fear is that in a rush to enshrine this personal choice as a “right,” insurance companies will start setting government policy. You might think I’m nuts, and that’s fine. But it’s well worth looking at other perspectives, from the disabled, elderly, minorities. I am confident there have been abuses in the states where AS was legalized before thinking the issue through completely. Why? Because people.
My honest opinion is that until you have watched someone you love die of any cancer, much less brain cancer, you don’t have a leg to stand on in terms of the people saying that this ‘wasn’t a brave choice, this was the easy, selfish way out.’ I have seen numerous people saying that since this all came to press and I just want to shake them and tell them I hope they never have to face what she did, or go through watching a family member or friend go through it. My grandmother died of brain cancer a couple years ago, and I was a CNA in a nursing home for many years. I have seen exactly what a death from cancer looks like. Bone and Brain were the hardest to watch and until you witness that you can’t ever fault someone for wanting to circumvent that suffering for themselves and their families.
I’m so disgusted at the Christians who would condemn her AND her family unspeakable suffering just so their own religious beliefs can be satisfied.
If they are the people who will be in so-called ‘heaven’, I hope with all my might that I go straight to hell. An eternity with these people? ! No way.
I will never criticize anyone that chooses to die with dignity. I’ve seen what terminal illness does and it is the most traumatic thing, to see a loved one just waste away from illness. There is nothing that can be done, you just wait for death and all of the agony that comes before it. At least this young lady spared not only her family, but herself, from having to see her so sick. They will remember her as the beautiful, young, vibrant woman she was. May she rest in peace.
While I respect anyone’s personal choice on this matter, I resent the implication that this is a sole representation of death with dignity. Having watched someone fight cancer until the disease won, I can say that their fight was also a demonstration of dignity.
And the choice to fight the unfightable or accept that all that left to you is torture & agony so you decide to end your life peacefully……are both valid. And both choices. Choices that we all should have available to us.
A friend died of brain cancer and the way it progresses is horrid. I don’t think she cut her life short, I imagine she chose to die the way she did only a week or two before she would have died naturally any way. She had that puffy steroid look that these patients get so that tells me she was really fighting it and suffering… and ultimately, had enough. I dont blame her. I dont think the wording is correct though. She doesnt have more dignity to die this way, staying until the end isnt any less dignified. Im not blaming her for the poor wording… I think the media has generated the term without thinking it through.
Any way, bless her and those who loved her.
I think the dignity is in the choosing. She decided what happened to her own body, and was cognizant of that choice to the very end. There is a power, and a peace, in the simple ability to choose.
What a brave young woman. May she rest in peace and her family find comfort.
I’ve born witness, up close and personal, to a loved one dying of invasive glioblastoma. It was five long months of agony from diagnosis to death, and not anything I’d wish on the worst of enemies.
Ms. Maynard ended the fight on her own terms against a disease that ALWAYS gets the last word. May she rest in peace knowing her fearlessness has made its mark.
i am truly sorry to all fellow commenters that have suffered this type of agonizing loss.
it should be your right to choose how long you suffer through something that ultimately will be the end to your life. any length of time you deem appropriate. it should be your choice.
as for the people that feel the need to judge and decide for other people, please don’t. make your own choice and be at peace with it.
if you honestly believe in god’s natural way, then you expect people to die like an animal in the wild.
being so sick and helpless another creature can easily attack, kill, and eat you. starving to death because your organs shut down. to die of exposure because you are too weak to shelter yourself. as humans, most of us do not believe this is dignified.
what is a truly natural death? certainly not being hooked up to drugs and machines, being nursed and protected.
we do these things because as humans we have compassion and know there should be dignity in dying as there should be in living for all beings.
really, think about what is truly natural and think if you would want that natural, unassisted death for yourself or a loved one. then think, do you really want someone else to decide what is right or wrong for you?
I think you just nailed the proverbial nail on the head, poppy. Thank you for this post.
I am 53 I lost my friend of 40 years to cancer on aug 18th I was blessed to spend her last night on earth with her & to be in her room holding her hand when she passed away the next day. She called me memorial weekend to tell me she was stopping chemo she had fought the fight for 6 years. In a sense even though she took no pill to end her life she made that decision memorial weekend that it was time to face the fact that the cancer was winning.
I am still grieving her and when Brittany died I was right back in that bedroom again in my mind reliving that day.
I live in Oregon and know the DWD is a very hot topic. I am a Christian and I don’t even know where I stand about about this topic. I only know that both Brittany and my friend and my aunt and my mother in law and all the people I have read about tonight on this post suffered at the hand of this hideous illness.
Brittany knew that the cancer was winning and did what she felt was right. She just like my friend made a choice and when my friend said she was stopping treatment I supported her to know that was her right and she lived 2 1&2 months and watching her deteriorate from the active vibrant women she was I cannot even put into words.
Cancer may have taken her earthly body but she is eternally free to never suffer again and I have to believe the same for Brittany.
I’ve always been pro choice on this issue, but it became really clear to me one time when I had a bad bout of gastro. As I lay curled around the toilet in between throwing up I said to myself “imagine feeling like this everyday until you died.” It was at the moment that I truly got why somebody would end their life.
Honestly, it amazes me how quickly people love to throw the religion gauntlet down when it comes to topics like this. Why is this even an issue? If you did what I did and read each of these educated, well thought out responses, you’ll have learned a thing or two about Christianity and the other belief systems discussed. I know I have more clarity on the fine details after reading these responses. Now it would be time to set the religion down for a bit and hopefully understand one thing (if nothing else): this is not an issue of whether you should or shouldn’t take your own life. IT IS SIMPLY THE RIGHT TO HAVE THE CHOICE. May not be the road you would personally go down. But YOU would have the choice to make that educated descision and our physicians would not be penalized for providing the knowledge & assistance with educating us on our OPTIONS. It’s about to make the choice. You make choices all day every day. Why on earth would you repress another persons right to do so?
She really did handle this with such dignity. I’m glad she was able to meet death on her own terms, surrounded by her loved ones. It’s a horrible choice, a horrible situation all around, but I’m impressed that she used the opportunity to educate and advocate. I hope that she and her family were able to have the experience they needed, and that they are all at peace moving forward. <3
The fact that this is so controversial is reflective of how much the youth culture in this country has completely stripped us of the ability to engage with the reality of death. This woman was dying and in her dying, she was suffering, and anyone who has worked in a hospital or watched a love one degrade from terminal illness can tell you there’s not only no dignity in that end, there’s no living either. Strung up in wires and tubes is not living, going through ten tubes of morphine a day and still being in so much pain you can’t move, is not living. We need to accept that.
Suicide is still suicide, even if you do it because you are terminally ill. I believe in personal choices and respect this girl’s choice. But I do not admire it. I think it is a mistake to make her a hero. The reality is she chose to die at a time because of the things that may happen as the disease progressed. Everyone is different. No one knew what her life and eventual death would actually have been like. No one will ever know. What we hear is how brave she was and how courageous her choice was. Whether it is or isn’t, I truly hope we aren’t sending the message to people with terminal conditions that they are somehow less brave or less courageous for continuing to chose life even after they become “different”. Will glorifying the choice of preemptive suicide eventually morph into labeling those people who chose to ride out death naturally as selfish for forcing their families to witness their natural demise and even worse the expense. Will the mainstream acceptance of this kind of “death with dignity” even while there is still good quality of life result in us viewing the natural death by disease as undignified?
I think it is fine to respect individual choice, but I hope as people we will still encourage each other to hold on to hope, believe in miracles and to find purpose and value in life.