Not surprisingly, Rihanna’s family isn’t pleased that she’s back with Chris Brown. Though her father publicly stated that he supported whatever decision she made (which I still don’t understand), other family members think she’s making the wrong decision and worry for her safety, according to People magazine.
Rihanna may have spent the weekend in Miami with Chris Brown, but her family isn’t quite ready for the tumultuous couple to reunite.
“Everyone wants them to take a break, to cool off,” a relative of Rihanna tells PEOPLE after the pair returned to Los Angeles together early Monday morning. “No one wants them back together.”
Family thought that the relationship was over after Brown allegedly battered Rihanna on Feb. 8. The couple went their own ways for awhile – he went home, while she recuperated in Barbados and Mexico – but the separation was short-lived.
The pair reunited in Miami last weekend, spending time at the Star Island mansion of Sean “Diddy” Combs. A source close to the couple told PEOPLE that the couple was “definitely together” and working on a reconciliation.
“I’m concerned,” continues the relative. “I don’t want her to make a mistake, and I don’t want her to ever go through his again.”
[From People]
I’m so disappointed that Rihanna went back to him. Domestic violence is a complicated issue and I won’t pretend to understand it completely. But it’s impossible not to worry for Rihanna’s safety. Yeah I bet Chris Brown is going to be more careful, but that doesn’t mean I believe he’s not going to hurt her again. Everyone’s going to be watching him all the time, waiting for him to explode – and he knows that. And that’s probably going to make him even angrier. As volatile as their relationship obviously was before, I think the situation Rihanna’s in now is far more dangerous.
Here’s Rihanna in New York City in September. Images thanks to WENN.com.
They say women don’t go back after three bad beatings…. lets just hope it was a one time thing….. poor girl
When this whole situation first started there was huge backlash against Chris Brown and now that it seems that they are supposedly back together I wonder what the public and her fans will think of her. Going through something like that in the public eye, not really coming out with a statement explaining the situation, and then getting back with her abuser…kinda weird.
Hey Rhianna? Choke.
I understand why her father said he would support any decision she makes. I think he is trying to stay close to her and to keep communicating with her – in the hope that she will turn to him when she needs to. And she will need to.
they like their relationship the way it is
stop it with the Rihanna being a victim she chose her road.
MAN COMMON STOP BUTTING IN THEIR BUSSINESS..CUZ WE DONT EVEN KNO WAT HAPPEN I THINK THEY BOTH MAKE A CUTE COUPLE N THEY BOTH YOUNG SO STOP ALL THAT TRASH TALKINK.
I think that if her FATHER declare in public that he supports her decision to go back with Chris, it means that he discoverd things we will probably nerver know about what happen that day…
Or, Lily, it could mean that he doesn’t want to estrange himself from a meal ticket. Duh. I don’t know how her daddy in Barbados would have been more informed about the case than any of us, especially when he repeatedly told the press that he didn’t know a damn thing except that Rihanna is “ok”.
I also want to say that rihanna is not a typical battleled woman, I think the comparaisons with an anonymous woman have important limits. I mean, she famous, she a supertar, everyone knowns her name, she brillant, rich and beautiful…it’s easier for her to “break the circle”. I don’t think Chris will hit her again but the situation will be awful for both of them. I mean, everytime rihanna will be wearing sunglasses, magazines will claims she’s been abused, when she will get hurt in a completly normal way: chris brown will be the one who hurt her.
He is more informed for the simple reason that he’s his father. He could also say that he disagrees with his daughter’s decisions but will be there if she needs him, and he will be there to support him…no, he says HE SUPPORT her decision. He apparently forgave chris his behaviour…why? Because he knows exactly what happen that day.
Nobody in their right mind is going to actually condone her going back to him. And instead of his fanbase getting upset, now people are losing respect for HER. This is a really bad move, on both personal and business levels. But more importantly, she’s now in even more danger and her actions give him the message that if he does it again, she’ll forget all about it and get right back together with him, just like the last time. Disgusting and stupid, both of em.
I’m a little stunned that Rihanna being financially independent and having a celebrity status are the main elements people are pushing forward in order to somehow blame her for going back.
Domestic abuse is not only physical! Sometimes it never even is physical… You can never “see” any proof of it (bruises, etc.). It’s to start with emotional.
And nobody can fight against that. It happens. It’s a vicious circle into which the abused partner is being put in a negative balance towards the other: any sign of something wrong with the abuser is immediately linked as a consequence of the victim.
“I’m feeling so bad, so sad, so depressed because YOU did not do that/dared to say that/etc.”
I maintain that Rihanna is a victim here and that the worst decision you could make towards her or any person close to you who goes through a similiar situation is to turn your back and say: “Get a grip, leave. If not, you’re stupid!”
That will make the victim turn even more to the abuser as there is nobody else supporting him/her (which means that he/she is a bad person anyway since nobody else cares about them anymore and even say he/she is stupid) and lose all trust connexion to the outside world (the only person still close will be the abuser).
Abusers make sure that the victim ends up being cut away from all their other human relationships…
If her father supports her choice and decision it’s probably because he knows this is the only way to keep his relationship to his daugher open and alive.
It’s even possible that he has contacted a psychiatrist or other professional who is used to dealing with this specific problematic and that he has been advised to do and say this.
She’s a grown woman and as scary as this must be for her family and friends, her father has, in my opinion, done exactly the right thing – refused to criticise his daughter’s decision in public which will keep the lines of communication between them open.
I feel desperately sorry for Rhianna – there is still such stigma attached to domestic abuse. I hope she can one day use her experience to help others in the same situation.
Bellatrix, how do you expect people NOT to say that she’s an idiot for going back to someone who obviously put his hands on her at least the once that we’re aware of?
She’s a fool if she thinks it won’t happen again. I will no longer buy her music or support her horrific decision to take back the man who has abused her. I know at least a dozen people personally who also said they will no longer buy either one of their’s music. His for being the abuser, and hers for taking that lout back!
Take it from someone who was abused by her husband for many years. When I finally found the courage and strength to leave him, I did precisely that. I took my children, the clothes on our backs and we never looked back.
Not all abused women CHOOSE to put themselves back into that hell once they’ve decided to leave.
agree w/ enkay.
no one can tell her anything.
if they say anything against this situation or him then they risk alienating her. when it happens again she’ll hide it and lie for him. if she doesn’t – then everyone will be on her case to break up again.
she will not want to look foolish since it will turn out bad – like everyone told her it would.
her friends and family can only be supportive and wait it out. then be there when it happens again. Eventually, if she’s lucky, she will see it for what it is – a defective man trying to get his power fix thru controlling her.
nothing she can explain to him and nothing she can say to ever make him understand her – she will be explaining and making excuses b/c he is defective and will always try to control her. What she says or thinks doesn’t matter. Her not calling 911 and running back to him is proof she’s under his control now.
I won’t support Rihanna’s career while she continues to be with Chris Brown either. However, WHEN she leaves him and IF she still has a career I will be behind her again.
As for Brown, I will NEVER support his career again. He could save 30 school children from a car collision and I still WOULDN’T spit on him if he was burning…
MominNH: you’re a bit harsh on me. I didn’t say I didn’t expect or am surprised people are calling her a fool. I was merely pointing out that it wasn’t the right way to deal with an abused woman. I also claimed you shouldn’t have such a behavior if someone close to you was going through a similar situation. This clearly means that I was trying to show people to be careful and understanding when they personnally know an abuse victim. That’s all.
You said you have been in such a relationship and when you stepped out, it was once and for all. I congratulate you for taking that decision, especially as children were involved. I’ve been in the same situation but I was the little child then. I do understand you.
However, you probably went through something similar as my own mother: the abuse wasn’t of short term and one time only. It took time and several months/years of abuse before you left.
As far as we know, Rihanna and Brown hadn’t even broken up! It is most probable that Rihanna is just going on with her love relationship that has in her eyes only had a bump (and she’s -again, I’m guessing here- also most likely imagining that it was due to her own behaviour she got hit, that she suffered the consequence of her own actions)… It’s not really going back probably as much as going on and trying to forget.
I hope you will understand the meaning of my previous message now.
Again, I’m glad you made your out of that relationship before it got too late. You did what you had to do as a human being, a woman and a mother.
P Diddy is an ill-mannered THUG, hands down, no bones about it… I don’t care how much money he makes, the man is no friend of women.
And the same to Chris Brown.
No one is looking out for Rihanna. Someone needs to pull a Daddy Spears on her. As jay-Z said, she’s still a young girl!
Chris Brown will benefit from this, he’ll be accepted back as “the man who made good and changed”, his commercial value will be preserved and we all know that people don’t really change. Public figures are just better at hiding things and spinning things to the good favor of their image. ESPECIALLY in the male dominated, misogynistic world that is the entertainment business.
The only person who stands to lose here is Rihanna– in respect of public opinion (she’s wasted their sympathy and goodwill), longevity of her career and inevitably, her health and safety.
I’m so angry she’s “back” with him, I could spit! Either she’s a fool, or she’s being controlled, and we’ve seen enough bios on young pop starlets to know that the latter turns out to be the case often.
Ok, so everyone is so sure that Chris is a habitual abuser right? Despite the fact that neither he nor Rhi gave an account of what actually happened. Also, why is everyone so ready to overlook details that came out claiming that she repeatedly punched and scratched Chris and also attacked him with the cell phone prior to throwing the keys from the car. His behavior is inexcusable but we are all human and all make mistakes. If those reports are true he was more than likely very very angry at that point and when she follwed him outside the car to continue the fight he finally had enough and lost his composure and struck back. By her own admission Rhi has been physically violent with her brothers. Even attacked the oldest with a glass bottle….
I truly believe that she would have spoken out and in addition would ensure that Chris got the most severe punishment possible if in fact she was merely a victim of his rage.
Just my two cents
I think her father is doing the right thing here. One of the biggest tool an abuser uses besides violence is the separation of his victim from her family and anyone else who could help them. By her father continuing to support her, he is doing what he can to maintain the lines of communication.
I think that people need to realize that no one is ever too smart or too rich or too anything to be a victim of abuse. And domestic abuse has so many layers of victimization that a pattern becomes established of leaving and returning until the victim can honestly see that their abuser is never going to change.
Its sad that she is so young because its easier to buy into the manipulations when you are a young girl who thinks she has found the love of her life. She won’t be able to see that she can do better-especially if (like the pattern suggests) he is telling her that she can’t do better and that he will never do it again.
What a terrible example to set. Shame on you Rhianna. I thought she was smarter than this. My mistake.
Chris Brown is an idiot and he should spend time in jail just like every other unfamous person that goes to jail for domestic abuse.
Rhianna is also an idiot for giving into Chris. The only reason he is back with her is to brainwash her. He wants to save his career so he is going to use her to try and make himself look like the innocent one.
If she stays with him then she knows the consequences and I can’t feel sorry for her and I don’t think anyone should. We now have many resources and information for battered victims so anyone can get help.
MomInNH: “Take it from someone who was abused by her husband for MANY YEARS”.
So, it took you MANY YEARS to leave.. it took you YEARS to get your head on straight – but you don’t support Rihanna’s music because she didn’t leave him IMMEDIATELY?? Would you have liked people to stop supporting you within those “YEARS” that your husband abused you? Where is your compassion, understanding? Its easy to say that you should have left sooner, but when you are in a volatile relationship like that, in the middle of it… its hard.
Plus/ I think everyone deserves a second chance… if he does it again, she would be silly not to leave him. But if she stays with an abusive man, it just goes to show that she has a damaged self-esteem. Why would you turn your back on someone who is so low about themselves? They need help, guidance, support, not people boycotting their music and calling them dumb for their life choices… when your self-esteem is that low, you DO make stupid choices.. but its not necessarily her fault.
The fact that she’s gone back to him speaks volumes to how long this has been going on. As for the people who say that he’s abused her “once that we know of”, anyone with the most basic experience and/or knowledge of domestic violence knows that a beating this bad never happens the first time. I’d be willing to bet there were incidents that escalated in their severity each time leading up to this particular one -the number of times would depend on whether or not they live together.
Scratch marks on men are usually defensive wounds in these types of situations. Sure, she might have hit him first…I might hit someone if I intercepted a text message about them cheating on me, but that does not justify what he did to her and you could easily restrain a woman of Rihanna’s size without resorting to an all-out brutal beating. I don’t buy the “he was angry” argument. Fuck that. Anger is not a justification in itself for anything.
If she was in her right mind, I’m sure she’d be regretting ever telling the press anecdotes about fights with her siblings. Who among us has never gotten into a physical altercation with a sibling growing up??? Give me a fucking break. Broke a glass on him did she? Well my brother threw a five-pound paperweight at my head, missing it by about an inch once…to put this in perspective, if he got the holy hell beaten out of him would that be a valid “history of violence” to discredit his victimhood in the situation???
How people reach to blame the woman will never cease to amaze me. I’m not saying that there are not men abused by female partners, or that men never have to resort to violent means as self-defense in an attack from an abusive partner…but for these arguments supporting Brown’s so-called “retaliation” to carry any weight we’d have to label Rihanna the abuser which OBVIOUSLY is not the case.
I really feel for Rihanna, and previous posters have hit the nail on the head for explaining why her father would not publicly criticize her decision. Sad as it may be, a severe beating is not enough to break the power of psychological abuse weaved over time and they’ve been together for a few years now. The humiliation of letting someone treat you that way, and letting them teach you that you deserve it is part of the reason they stay. It’s the only way it can made sense to have happened…”but I loove him”. I’ve been there, and she is not capable of thinking clearly on the situation until she is out of the relationship. It’s a very, very hard cycle to break and perhaps the only way she can get this time to herself to find her way and reflect is if he goes to jail. Which God willing, is what will happen.
I agree with Bellatrix 100% – her dad is being sensible, he’s not completely dismissing her, which could only make her more determined to do things her way. Which evidentally includes going back to someone who choked her until she was unconscious (remember leaks from police sources are generally accurate as the info is taken directly from police notes). And nobody goes from 0-to-nearly killing someone over a bloody text message, so yes, I do believe that relationship is abusive. I’m not going to speculate on who is the main instigator, but only one of them wound up in hospital.
Is it foolish to go back to him, or for him to want to try and get her back/take her back? of course. But they’re young and presumably still know it all…
Chris Brown is what like 19 yrs old? And he is already beating up his “lady love”…not a good sign for what is to c ome in the future. I think she is preggers and is trying to work things out with her baby daddy
Has Rihanna ever heard of Hedda Nussbaum? She should ‘google images’ – that’s what happens when you stay with a man that pounds on your face.
And, were I a parent of a young girl who idolized Rihanna, I’d be very concerned. How to explain, first of all, why they shouldn’t be a fan of this young woman?
You’re not supposed to give a child the ‘wife beating’ talk before the Birds and the Bees, you know? It’s just so all kinds of wrong…
I have fun…each time a tabloid write about her im havin fun…but not fun like u and u knows it…i dont know who is writting this column and i usually like it..but,,,come on…yeah there has been a bad beating,YES ,,,i got it and its awfull,but come on there was A RELATION before that BEATING and u just expect to end up….like nothing happened but JUST THAT BEATING!!…..there s memories,theres love,theres friendsip,theres fun,theres 2 people coming from nowhere and who had it all,there was trus,there was tear ,there was pain,there was laugh,there was joke…etc…there was a life!!!!!an THERE WAS THE BEATING….come on be human…forgive and see what happen next….geee fed up!anyway sorry for my inter but i was sick of reading that everywhere,,,,SHE LOVES HIM AND HE LOVES HER AND HE MADE A MISTAKE YA MAYBE A VERYYYY PUBLIC ONE!!!!
Myself yo: MIA’s already got it down like that so you can knock it off.
Thank you yasmin for being a voice of reason in this cesspool of ignorance being spouted here.
And lunatrix, I might add. I was too pissed and disgusted to make it that far.
Now she knows what can happen the next time an argument happens, he could potentially beat her even worse. It’s on her now, it’s her life. I no longer feel sorry for her.
In response to Mom in NH: Understandably to everyone on the outside looking in, we know that this is not the best decision for Rihanna to make (in taking Chris back), but honestly speaking, you even said yourself that you yourself were a vitim of abuse, as well as other women you knew, so you should know the internal thought process going on within her better than someone who has never been in that type of situation. For you to make a judgement on her, and refuse to support her or continue to purchase her music, to me at least is contradictary. You knew how long it took you to prepare yourself mentally to leave your ex-husband, when I’m most certain your family and friends urged you or would have told you to leave the first time it happened. Let me make it CLEAR that I do not condone abuse man to woman, or woman to man, what Chris did was unexcusable, and if my “man” were to have done that to me, I would have took it as a sign of his immaturity, and disrespect towards me. But blaming and shuning her certainly is not any better, she’s young, misguided and probably use to getting her way, and will not listen to others even when this is in her best wishes. I will pray for her and hope that she will began to gain the right perspective in her trial.
Lunatrix, you said it much better than I.
There’s just one thing I forgot to add to my last comment, we all assume that Rhianna’s case is so different from others because she’s independently wealthy. But what if she isn’t? There were quite a number of blind posts, which I believe were confirmed, about her being on the verge of bankruptcy last year.
And I wouldn’t assume that her management and hangers-on would be very pro-active about getting her out of there. Most people want an easy life nor do they want bad publicity during a promotion of an album. And if they share a lot of the same team…. well, industry types do seem to be “Yes men” generally.
In the situation I got caught up in, all i could really say was “Well, you know that this can’t go on for both your sakes and you kow what you have to do”. Because saying anything that would be critical of the other half would have been seriously counter-productive (both of them could be critical of the other, but an outsider will get no thanks for being direct).
I would have to say though, when I was 20, if any of my friends belted and throttled me until I passed out, I wouldn’t be so quick to run back to them for the sake of our “friendship”. While I do think that forgiveness is good for the soul and a basic tenet of being a Christian (Gordon Wilson being one of my all-time heroes), I do think that in cases like these forgiveness needs time and distance to be realistic.
Most of us agree on the fact that it was a really bad career and personal move for Rihanna.
MominNH’s reaction is understandable, we’re not her parents, we have no way of reaching out to her except by giving/not giving her our money.
And saying she’s an idiot is not blaming her for the situation she’s in, nor saying that she deserves it. I still feel very sorry for her ; however I’ll boycott her like MominNH, until she’s out of this relationship.
Mom in NH: Your comment disgusts me.
Bellatrix: Your first comment is spot on. People just gloss over the non-physical facet of domestic abuse.
MominNH, you’re one of many commenters to hold that opinion. When it comes from someone who’s a stranger to domestic abuse, it’s understandable because unless you’ve been there, you don’t understand. HOWEVER, when it comes from someone who says she was in an abusive relationship for many years it’s pure hypocrisy, and it angers me to see someone have this attitude towards a domestic abuse victim despite having experienced it themselves.
According to your own standard, you too were “a fool” and you too CHOSE to stay in your abusive relationship. Yes, you eventually left, but you STAYED for several YEARS until you “finally found the courage and strength to leave him.” How can you be so judgmental and harsh on anyone in such a situation when you know first-hand how hard it is to muster up the strength and courage to get out??? I don’t understand that.
I stayed with a physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive man for SIX YEARS while friends made futile efforts to convince me that the way he treated me wasn’t normal and that I deserved better. No amount of pleading from them could make me realize just how wrong the situation was. Even now, looking back at those years, I am positively flabbergasted at the state of mind I was in, and how much he’d worn me down emotionally. It is so easy for people to flippantly call a woman stupid for staying when they’ve never experienced that frame of mind and never had to struggle to overcome it. I’m very lucky that the vast majority of my friends didn’t abandon me or turn their backs on me. None of them had experience with abuse, and yet none of them had an attitude towards me like the one you have towards people in abusive relationships. Of all people, MominNH, you should have some compassion.
I think for most women who are victims of abuse, the fact that nobody else knows about it contributes to her staying in the situation – you know, as long as you can make up excuses & nobody knows the truth, you don’t have to actually leave, you can pretend everything’s okay. If your battered face was plastered all over the newspapers and TV there would be no excuses and no pretending Love him or not, I would have to leave for the sake of my own self-respect, even if said self-respect was imaginary.
criminy. should be a period at the end of pretending.
I’ve recently discovered that my 22 daughter is in the early stages of an abusive relationship – they’ve been together all of 5 months. There has been nothing outright, on it’s own merit, that could conclusively be called abuse. But, when you add it all up it certainly seems we are headed that way. My daughter is an intelligent, vibrant, and caring young woman.
I can’t tell you how distressed I am – how scared I am – how sad I am…How did she get into this situation? I called the National Domestic Violence hot-line to find out the best way to recognize the signs and what I can do to help her. They made it very clear to me that it is absolutely critical that we, her dad & I, stay as “supportive” as possible…to be sure that when she leaves she KNOWS for a fact that we will accept her unconditionally no matter how embarrassed, humiliated, or depressed she is. I’ve been told that it takes a woman on average 6 times of “leaving” before she finally breaks free of her abuser.
It makes me so sad to hear that Rihanna went back to Chris, but I now completely understand her Dad’s position like I never would have before. It also makes me sad to hear how many of you there are and how long it has taken some of you to finally break free. Thank Goodness for your found safety. God – I desperately hope that my baby girl doesn’t need 6 years to get out and I can’t even describe how badly I don’t want her hurt!
I get what Bellatrix is saying about the psychological ramifications underlying and leading up to the physical abuse.
I personally don’t believe from the response Rihanna’s shown that this is the first time he’s been physically demonstrative towards her in their relationship. It just doesn’t track. He’s been far too laid back about the entire incident.
If it was the first time he would have been more worried, more contrite – definitely more nervous. I even doubt that she’s the first person he’s laid a hand to. Not with all the crap his family and friends spouted.
This all seemed to start going on around the time she found out she didn’t have as much money in the bank as she thought she did, and I did think that it knocked her confidence for a while because until this incident she’s been very professional and done three albums in as many years and heavily promoted them.
Thing is, with this, she’s starting to ruin her image and in turn become more dependent on Brown and those around him. I hope her close friends don’t think she’s an idiot – and even if they do that they stick by her because isolation and alienation only work FOR the abuser.
The only person that will be able to dig her out of this mess then will be her and it’s a lot harder when you’ve ticked off those closest to you and don’t have any emotional or other support.
I think her dad is trying to be there for her, it’s bound to have crossed his mind whether his behaviour during her childhood has had any influence on her choices now. So he probably feels bad on more than one level. Who wants to see their child’s busted up face on all the papers and then watch that same child go back to the environment that gave them that?
As for her thinking it’s not going to happen again – sadly I think the most depressing thing is that she’s not thinking of herself at all. I think she’s so concerned about HIM, that she doesn’t care if he does it again, so long as she’s making him happy and not tanking his career.
That is how messed up this is getting.
And to whoever said that she probably beat up on Chris. If she did, this is her act of contrition and it’s just speculation that she beat on him. It’s kind of obvious SOMEONE hit her in the face more than once and Chris hasn’t even admitted to doing anything wrong. It’s that behaviour that condemns him in my opinion. The complete absence of any genuine contrition that didn’t have – ‘but stand by me fans and sponsors’ tacked on to it.
I don’t care is she said the vilest thing in the world to provoke him. Common sense should say: don’t smack her in the face and throttle her ’til she passes out – even if it’s just to keep you out of jail and preserve your career over actually caring anything about her.
Also forgot to say, don’t people realise, there’s clearly a psychological disposition that accepts the un-escalated abuse in it’s initial stages and that the abuser wears the person down until they accept escalated abuse.
The person isn’t in the state of mind for proper judgement in the first place or they would have gotten the hell out of Dodge the minute the abuser said something mildly derogatory.
It’s a psychological issue as much as it is a physical one and by the time it becomes a physical one the psychological and emotional hooks are already well and truly in.
People keep talking about Rihanna like’s she’s already in perfectly logical mind. Clearly she isn’t or she wouldn’t have ever looked back.
Far from her being an idiot, I’d say she’s already deeply wounded on a level it that isn’t physical. I don’t see why people don’t get that. If she were in her right mind this wouldn’t have even gotten to this stage, let alone her trying to reconcile with him.
Thank You FF for your comments – I think that they are right on
FF: excellent analysis.
FF – Again, right on…