Amanda Bynes has been on the loose in LA for more than a week, after she was discharged from a psychiatric facility just days after her parents had secured a conservatorship over her financial and medical situation. Amanda says she was diagnosed as bipolar and manic-depressive, but she also said she had a microchip implanted in her head at one point.
There are some concerns about how Amanda is living while not being institutionalized or taking any kind of help from her parents. Well, it’s complicated. TMZ says that Amanda’s parents were trying to control her spending by giving her American Express gift cards, usually in the amount of $50 or $100, and that’s how she’s been paying for her expenses, which are mostly hotel and restaurant bills. TMZ says Amanda’s parents give the gift cards to Amanda’s lawyer and the lawyer parcels out the cards. This is all in an attempt to get Amanda to hit rock bottom because her parents are apparently “burnt out” after dealing with all of Amanda’s drama. But it looks like her parents are the ones hitting their rock bottom:
The parents of Amanda Bynes are throwing in the towel … they’ll file legal docs in the next few days handing over the conservatorship over their daughter to someone else, and then they’re moving to Texas … TMZ has learned.
Sources familiar with the case tell TMZ … Amanda will now be under the thumb of a mental health professional who specializes in handling people with severe mental illnesses. Her parents will ask the judge to transfer conservatorship powers to that person.
We’re also told the parents have made arrangements to transfer power over financial matters to another person … presumably a money manager.
The parents are leaving California and will move to Texas to be near their older daughter.
Both parents are saying they know they’ve struck out with Amanda and don’t have what it takes to effectively control her. They’re hoping once someone else controls Amanda’s finances, she’ll stop lashing out at them and they can have a relationship … even though it will be long distance.
Well, that’s one way of handling it. I mean… I can see why Amanda’s parents are feeling like they can’t do any more for her. It’s really difficult to try to look after a family member – I’ve done it, and my situation didn’t involve caring for someone with a profound mental illness. And I still got burnt out. Quite honestly, Amanda’s parents might be doing the best thing for her by handing over her treatment/situation to professionals. She IS a public health risk and the state of California needs to start treating her as such.
People Mag also had coverage of this, and their sources basically say the same thing only they’re trying to put a happier spin on it. Lynn is relinquishing control of Amanda’s conservatorship because she cares about Amanda so much. the plan involves getting Amanda some live-in conservator, which is basically what Britney Spears has with her father. Her father lives with her and controls every aspect of her life. Something tells me that Amanda isn’t going to like this arrangement any better.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Wtf – why does this keep happening?
The way the us health system treats people with severe mental health problems is shocking.
She needs long term admission, treatment , maybe depot medication then community care coordination european style
Very sad. She will be next to be found dead
Its shocking and frustrating. I have a nephew who we had to hospitalize b/c his behavior was getting worse and his mom didnt know what to do. They diagnosed him with bi-polar schizophrenia disorder withing 24 hrs, gave him some heavy meds, then wrote 2 scripts that cost more than $750.00 a month and sent him home in less than a week. He even had a major episode in there 2 days before he was let go. No help with what to do with him or suggestions of going to another facility, just basically take two of these and call someone else in the morning.
Not that he was compliant with the treatment anyway. this was a few yrs ago and he’s still no better. he wont take his meds b/c he doesnt think he needs them. there’s no way they can afford them (insurance doesnt cover all meds) and even if they could he wouldnt take them. plus from what I read about them, they can do more harm than good in the long run.
I often wonder what will happen to him if anything would ever happen to my sister. we are a small family and most dont want to deal with him. He’s had problems long before he was diagnosed and most just dont want to deal with it. He doesnt make it any easier either.
I dont blame her parents for wanting someone else to control things, sometimes it’s better for an outsider with more experience to handle stuff like this.
Why put it on the US , I’m in Canada and it wouldn’t be any different here, my brother’s bi polar and when he goes through a episode that can last sometimes a year, he blows through money, wouldn’t take his meds , wouldn’t visit his doctor , becomes destructive , angry at anyone who try’s to control his behaviour ie spending money
Sorry you just can’t lock up people, there’s a process and unless they admit they are a danger to themselves ie suicidal , it not easy to force them to receive treatment.
She has been getting treatment , is in a longterm care program and seems to have relapsed and stopped taking her meds and wouldn’t take any treatment unless she is forced too
European style , every country in Europe has different healthcare I’ve lived in Spain & Italy , found their mental healthcare substandard to anything you would get in North America.
Tell it like it is, Ann! So refreshing to hear a voice of reason. So sorry that happened your family
Thank you for such an informed comment. So sick of hearing, “She needs to be locked up.”
I’m in Canada too, they closed down the group homes and mental hospitals around here and now they are all living on the street. No help with their meds and preyed on by the likes of drug dealers. Its not right at all how we treat the most vulnerable in our society. There really has to be a better way to do things.
On another note, I would really like to see some research done into how diet and nutrition affects mental health, vs more insanely expensive pharmaceutical drugs with their horrendous side effects.
If you have been to the Downtown Eastside Vancouver, or downtown Los Angeles, North Hollywood, or any of the other big cities in North America, you see the blatant negligence in addressing mental health and addiction. It’s because we don’t want to acknowledge these imperfections in our society and our goverents would rather have the mentally ill “sort themselves out” by killing themselves basically. Amanda’s parents haven’t failed her we as a society have failed Amanda and people like her. We fail them everday we refuse to acknowledge their struggle and problems.
Tessy, there is a plethora of research around food and mental health. Food and food additives have been found to have no impact on adult onset mental health disorders. However, there is a small amount of evidence and I reiterate small amount of evidence saying that some food additives may have an impact on child mental health disorders such as hyperactive disorders.
The alternative in practice in America wasn’t pretty. Many publicly funded mental health facilities were horror shows due to graft, laziness, mismanagement and underfunding. That’s why most everything in mental health was privatized in the 80s.
I would hope we have learned enough and evolved from those dark days to reinstate institutions other than our state hospital and our psych wards at our hospital. I work in mental health and my clinic deals with just the chronically mentally ill. We are basically a day care for them but come 5 pm & weekends & holidays they are on their own except for the ones who have foster care type housing or a support system in place. Rinse and repeat this is what my work is like in an environment where Amanda would be just another client who I pass in the hall on my way to the bathroom and I would say “hey” as I pass by and depending on the state of that person I may get a hey back or I may get a blank stare or FU.
I feel for Amanda, I feel her parents…its so hard to see this type of family dynamic play out day after day.
In the 70s, the Carter administration did a large study on mental health treatment. What resulted was the Mental Health Systems Act. It was to fund treatment facilities and studies. Carter said, “This proposed legislation establishes a new partnership between the federal government and the states in the planning ‘and provision of mental health services. It seeks to assure that the chronically mentally ill no longer face the cruel alternative of unnecessary institutionalization or inadequate care in the community. It provides local communities with more flexible federal support for mental health services and places a new emphasis on the prevention of mental illness. ”
When Reagan was elected, the funding was gutted. Just because facilities were horrific in earlier decades does NOT mean that treatment facilities are not a worthy cause.
Substantial gains on such an important issue were nixed in favor of cutting budgets.
When it was super easy to involuntarily, permanently institutionalize a person, it was bad news. Abrasive or depressed women, or unwanted children with slight disabilities dropped at psychiatric hospitals by their unhappy husbands or parents, locked up until death, sometimes lobotomized.
Personally I don’t think it should be easy-peasy to fully take over an individual’s life. That power historically has been grossly abused and I don’t think it would be any different today.
But the problem before was largely because you had people who were NOT mentally ill being placed in the institutions, or people whose illness just wasn’t bad enough to warrant it. The bar today is way too high. Frankly, it is difficult for the best therapists to know when somebody poses a threat to themselves or somebody else. And frankly, its not effective. The majority of people whose mental illness drives them to self-harm or harm another have no predictive signs – or the signs are not overt and strong enough to rise to the level of “imminent threat.” If the Virginia Tech shooter was not sick enough to rise to that level (and he never was, until he killed a bunch of people), then that is fairly telling.
Nobody is talking about making it “easy-peasy” to institutionalize people. However, it should be easier to compel people with demonstrated, long-term histories of severe mental issues into some form of treatment (and yes, if that includes long-term in-patient, that should be an option). For a background, look up Kendra’s law in New York, which made it easier to compel the severely mentally ill into treatment and the large amount of good it did.
I have been through the psych hospital system a few times with a similar diagnosis as Amanda Bynes. This is what they do: 1) drug you 2) watch you go a few days without freaking out and stamp your record as “stable” 3) boot you out on the street.
Getting long-term care in an institution is rare (in fact, it’s usually reserved for the criminally insane) even if you need and want it, but if you are fighting to get out and you have money (i.e., lawyers), you will get out in less than a month. Then you do the dance again if you don’t take care of yourself.
I’m someone who wants help and accepts my diagnosis, but it sounds like Amanda is still delusional. Very sad. Severe bipolar mania can be accompanied by major delusions (“they put a microchip in my head!”) like you’d have with schizophrenia. She is not grounded in reality at all.
Something bad will happen to her or she’ll hire enough yes-men to play along with her. Very sad!
Amy, you are spot-on in your assessment. Really, the system does not help people like Amanda very much at all. It is difficult because she is an adult, she is not always actively psychotic, and (so far) she isn’t violent. Like you say, there is a sort of misconception that inpatient treatment is what everyone needs, but the reality of inpatient treatment is that it is rarely treatment at all. Sad, but true. It’s the same misconception that people have about coming into a regular hospital…you are not necessarily better off in that environment…they too are fraught with their own set of problems. Mental health is one of the most underserved areas on the planet, but locking her up to “keep her safe” isn’t necessarily better for her either. The problem is, this is such a variable problem for each individual, it’s hard to know what works until you’ve tried everything, and when dealing with adults, you can’t always mandate it. Sad, as you say
The US government decided in the late 1960s and early 70s that long term mental hospitals and institutions were cruel and shut all of them down except for the ones for the criminally insane like Dorothea Dix here in NC ….instead they opt for Rehabilitation Clinics and home care health care….Unless you can show that they are criminally insane and proof dangerous to the public you can not get a person locked away for more than a few months ….that is why they are so many mentally ill people roaming around like Amanda….
Because freedom. ‘Murica!
Aren’t her parents in their 70s? I believe they don’t have the energy to Look after her.
And she accused her father of molesting her. I can’t imagine dealing with that, especially since she’s using Twitter as her platform.
As a mom, I can only imagine the heartbreak for these parents.
I know what it’s like to care for a family member who lashes out, accuses, lies and lives in some alter universe.
The damage it causes to health and well being are irreparable.
I don’t know if I could leave the care of a mentally ill child up to someone else, but what are they to do especially now given the lurid accusations against her dad.?
We don’t know if they are true but either way, they need to separate themselves from her.
I imagine they hope this will put an end to her lashing out and hopefully put her on a road to recovery.
It’s been my experience with that family member, not my child, however, that no matter what you do, the personal attacks will continue.
It’s all an avoidance to looking within to admit that you need help.
Dealing with everything this family had to deal is already difficult, but having to go trough this under the media scrutiny probably increases the stress and desperation.
I think this could be for the best long term. If they aren’t the ones “controlling” her, her animosity towards them could dissipate. They might be able to support her and be there for her as parents in a much healthier capacity. I see this as a positive step. Besides the move back to TX. I don’t think that’s a good idea. But who knows? They are most likely being advised by people who are experts in these matters.
I agree with just about everything you said. I do think the move to Texas will be good for them, though. Maybe they have grandchildren there. Their other daughter will probably enjoy having some time with her parents. It seems they’ve had to focus all their time and energy on Amanda.
I wouldn’t want to leave my child in crisis. So that part of me wants them to wait to move. However, they may need to distance themselves from the situation. Not just for their own well being but frankly if she continues to struggle and be unhealthy when they aren’t around, it will be much easier for her to see that they aren’t the cause of her problems. It’s a very difficult thing for them to do, I am sure. But if they are acting on the advice of her drs- and they most likely are – this all seems like important steps to take. As long as she is being taken care of physically and financially via the conservatorship being transferred, I think it’s good news.
@moxy I posted above before reading your post.
you are spot on!!!
They live in Thousand Oaks, which is a beautiful little town, with great weather and brilliant blue sky (its west of Los Angeles and doesn’t have their smog. The people I know who have left Thousand Oaks and moved to Texas are miserable (3 different families).
It would require some logical thinking on Amanda’s part so I don’t have high hopes…. but maybe she will stop lashing out at her parents if they aren’t in that role and hand those duties off. I hope so for all involved. I can’t imagine watching your child suffer like this, even worse to have her then turn on you. I’m sure Amanda won’t like any of the options, but maybe here there’s hope for their family?
I’ve worked in the mental health field in the past and it is a bit shocking that the parents are sort of giving up. I mean, that is their child. I’ve seen so many parents that wouldn’t even consider giving up. This isn’t just a spoiled girl that is out drinking and drugging and needs the justice system to intervene so they can hit rock bottom. If she isn’t properly overseen she could end up homeless like so many individuals with mental disorders…or worse.
The thing is every situation is different and someone is not a bad parent because they can’t handle it. They never said they aren’t going to have a relationship with her , they just can’t help her in this capacity. Yes there are parents that would never give up but those parents also aren’t dealing with millions of people watching and being slandered on a daily basis to the public because their mentally ill child is famous. It’s easy to condemn someone from the outside with no idea what’s really going on. We are only hearing a fraction of what is actually happening. Maybe they are being advised that this way might get her into long term treatment If someone from the courts are involved. Who knows.
Did those parents also live under the scrutiny of the public eye? Bynes, while mentally ill, is still telling the world how her father ‘sexually abused her’. This isn’t being played out in the comfort of their own home, privately where they can deal with all the ‘craziness’.
People do have their limits and it’s better they leave it to another person if their own health is compromised, they are not spring chickens anymore. We can’t expect people to push themselves to the point where they need to help themselves first.
It seems like the system is letting them down and secondly, what they do provide seems so convoluted that it’s just as draining as taking care of their daughter. They should make it easier for them, not harder.
I don’t think they are giving up. I have been critical of her parents in the past, because it seemed like they were in denial about her disease. But, in this situation, since Amanda has such strong negative feelings toward her parents, this may be the best option. No matter what her parents try and do, Amanda will probably try and resist them. Maybe, if there is someone objective involved in her care, she will respond better.
These are showbiz parents. A breed apart. I wouldnt expect them to react like normal parents. Im not putting them on the same level as, say, Dina and Micheal Lohan – but you dont put ur child in showbiz because it’s what is best for them. There is ALWAYS self-serving interests involved with showbiz parents. She’s nothing but trouble now so they are cutting thier losses. Its that simple.
That’s really a really harsh thing to say about her parents. Unless you are involved with this family you don’t know what is totally going on. I think this is the best for both Amanda and her parents. She’s not taking any kind of advice from her parents and so maybe someone without the emotional investment in Amanda can get through to her. As far as moving to Texas, I’m sure is Amanda reached out to them and wanted to come visit or live with them that they would let her. Plus she’s talking about moving to NYC and so there would be no reason for them to stay in CA.
Sorry, swack, but Jem’s correct. Showbiz parents are a breed apart, unlike anything I’ve ever encountered. I have interacted with many of them over the years, but I have yet to meet a healthy showbiz parent of a child star under ten. In my experience the ones who successfully market their children (which usually begins at birth) are tireless robots who will show anyone/strangers all their children’s promotional materials (head shots, body shots, portfolio, resumes, reels, etc.) for hours on end while the child itself remains ignored in the background, dressed to the nines and entertaining themselves (or not). There is no going to school (with any consistency/on-set tutors are a well-meaning lot but kind of a joke); no having real friends (they have rivals and siblings instead); no one who mentors them as elders (with no horse in the race) and absolutely no one who make decisions based soly upon the child’s health and well-being (those are decisions for the lawyers and production teams to make). The prevailing attitude is this: get the JOB, get an edge over the competition, get a little more attention towards their child-brand before anything can happen that makes them no longer marketable. It’s surreal stuff that would shock you, but most of those showbiz parents really would do anything – or have their child(ren) do anything – for a break. (It becomes an obsession. Especially when one or both parents quit their jobs to manage their child.) I wish I were exaggerating, but that’s what it takes…
@cbgbcbgb, I’m not talking about saying they are a breed apart or what they will or won’t do for that child as it is the same with some sports parents that I have seen. What I am saying is wrong are these statements: “There is ALWAYS self-serving interests involved with showbiz parents. She’s nothing but trouble now so they are cutting thier losses. Its that simple.” It’s NOT that simple as “they are cutting their losses”. We don’t know why they are giving up the conserveratorship over Amanda. I truly believe they are trying to do the right thing by Amanda and just not “cutting their losses”.
Her dad was a dentist, and her mom was his office manager (they are retired). They were healthcare professionals.
This isn’t a Dina-Michael Lohan situation at all.
What part of the mental health field did you work in? Severe mental illness is incredibly difficult to manage. I worked with profoundly mentally ill people (in the past, psychiatric hospitals and Baker Act wards, now in community mental health/homeless/low-income), and I don’t have any trouble imagining why someone would need to step away from daily management of someone with untreated Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective D/O.
I don’t think it makes them bad parents. I see it a lot, actually. Family members step away frequently, because living with someone with severe mental health (and who are not willing to seek treatment) is a constant, minute-to-minute struggle. It’s the mental health system that is truly at fault. If they provided better services, then family members could get more support and help, which would lead to better outcomes for everyone.
ITA, Diana. It is ver clear that Amanda’s illness is severe. It has taken a horrible toll on her family and herself. I think this is an effort on their part to get her to see that they only want her to be okay, not to “control” her. What an absolute nightmare for all involved.
I don’t believe they’re “giving up”. I think they love her, they’re very concerned for her, and they desperately want to help her but this is a very difficult situation. I thing giving her conservatorship to another may help their relationship because Amanda may stop seeing them as the “bad guys”. Also maybe they’re moving to Texas to have more family support. I really feel for them. This is a very difficult situation.
I’m just saying that I think it is a bit “shocking”. The article is vague on how involved they will be really and without someone really standing up for HER personal safety sometimes the system can sort of toss them out as being capable of taking care of themselves when they are not. Plus they are showbiz parents, she started working at SEVEN! No, it is not easy to handle someone with severe mental or developmental disabilities. I think everyone can relate to being there for a loved one that has a mental illness, physical disability, dementia, dying, etc. but that is part of LIFE. You have times of love and happiness and you have times of great pain when you chose to have a child or close family members or friends.
I think if Amanda is trying to rebel against her parents, and she associates treatment with her parents, they could be a factor as to why she is resisting treatment. Maybe by removing themselves from that situation, they’ll create an environment where she is more willing to be treated.
This.
Frankly, parents are often the worst people to be involved in someone’s treatment. Amanda’s mother claimed Amanda’s problems were because of marijuana. Stepping back is probably the best thing they can do for Amanda, so long as the people who take over her care are actually good people.
Sh*tty parents! What kind of people hand over control to a stranger??!! I dont give a damn how old they are – this is their child and they re abandoning her. Cold.
What a horrible thing to say. I have no doubt that these people are in absolute hell over this situation. Walk a mile in their shoes before you criticize. You obviously have no idea the toll it can take on a person dealing with someone with a severe mental illness.
They are not abandoning her, they are (and have been) trying everything that they can to help her, but she is refusing their help and the system has been working against them. Just what, exactly, do you think they can do that they haven’t done already?
This has probably taken years off their lives. Living with that kind of stress, pain and worry has got to be taking a horrible toll on them. They aren’t villains. They are victims of the broken mental health care system just as much as their daughter.
Hey samihami – Ive walked many many miles in their shoes and have endured unbelievable stress and sadness. I still didnt give up.
And in the end, it was worth it. Its called taking care of family. Unconditional love.
Maybe you shoud try it sometime.
If you’ve really had experience dealing with a severely mentally ill child, you should’ve learned some compassion and not to judge.
+1000 Jen!
@samihami you are so correct.
@hellocatty – that’s awfully presumptuous of you to assume Sami doesn’t know what unconditional love is because she doesn’t agree with you.
Or they realize that this is beyond their skill set as parents. They can’t just ground her and cut her allowance. She is an adult with sever mental health problems, best dealt with by a professional. They are elderly parents with other children who might need them, too.
im currently dealing with this in my own family, i would hand it off to a stranger in a heartbeat if there was money for it
not just because im completely exhausted by it to the point where my own health is compromised, but because the professional would imo be much more effective.
I dealt with this in my own family and it is heart breaking, exhausting, and demoralizing . I don’t know which is worse–when the mania is high and you’re afraid that they’ll do something to hurt themselves or run away and end up jailed or whatever…worse if they lose contact with reality and are speedy AND irrational… OR if it’s worse when they’re down and suicidal and have that blank stare of pure wretchedness that will pull you in before you know it. I guess both are bad in their own way.
I’m sorry you are going through this. You have my sincere and heartfelt sympathy for it. My only advice is to try to make a coat for your heart. Like your heart is a small child and you have a beautiful fuzzy warm coat. And when it hurts, you mentally put that fuzzy warm coat on your heart as though you are comforting a small child. I used to do this in my mind’s eye and it helped me get through some of the really bad times.
Take care. You are not alone in this world.
+1,000
awww thank you frida
Lisa, sending you hugs, dealing with mental illness is always tough and the system needs a serious overhaul.
Lisa, I have a friend dealing with something similar, and my heart breaks for both of you. There’s no easy solution, and it just doesn’t seem like families have anywhere close to the resources they need for support. Honestly, when mental illness is this severe, it’s not fair to expect families to shoulder the burden. As a society, we’d never expect a family to be entirely responsible for someone’s cancer – and that’s when an individual is mentally sound. It boggles my mind that we allow families to be put under so much stress in what would be a stressful situation even with all of the help in the world.
I don’t have much experience with the mentally ill, but have dealt with people close to me who are drug addicts. If the two are anything alike, then I can say that at some point you have to take a step back. If a person doesn’t want help and doesn’t even like you, you might as well beat your head against the wall until your skull cracks. A person has to WANT to be helped before they will let anyone help them. So I can’t fault Amanda’s parents taking a step back.
They’re not abandoning her.
We had this situation in my own family. We “gave up” and willingly walked away once this person attacked my nephew (who was a toddler at the time) and put him in the icu for two months. Completely unprovoked. This person also stole and physically attacked elderly family members.
There gets to be a point where the safety, physical and mental, of everyone else in the family outweighs staying on a sinking ship.
Since our state does not believe in funding mental health care and the voters turn down any sort of tax increase that would pay for one, this person is now in jail. And honestly, I am thankful that this person can no longer harm and terrorize our family–or anyone else’s.
I’m not sure they gave up, but handed the reins to people more capable, instead. The thought process might be that they know they won’t live forever, so they are setting up an adjustment period for Amanda while they are still alive, so they can see how it goes. Also Amanda was bucking their influence, maybe someone without baggage will be more effective.
Right. Maybe people who are more objective and don’t have the family history there might be better able to make her listen to reason. She’s continually lashed out at her parents, no matter how much they try to help her. At this point I think she doesn’t see it as help, but rather her parents trying to control her. At some point you just have to admit that whatever the current situation is, it’s obviously not working.
Yeah. I don’t really understand the vitriol directed at the parents. They did something. They got her help and didn’t disappear off the face of the Earth, they just moved to Texas.
Yeah I don’t get the vitriol either. Besides, no one knows the whole story and it completely grosses me out the way the media trolls Amanda (even if she does use Twitter as her platform).
@mimif , yeah, she’s not actively involved in any Hollywood projects. Time to leave her alone.
I agree. As a parent, when my actions alone cannot help my child back to health, I consult an EXPERT. When the situation warrants, I take my children to an MD, when it is necessary they are taken to the Emergency Department at a Hospital, when I am out of my league with Algebra and Japanese, it’s an excellent tutor.
I am not always the best person for the job when it comes to my children, and I believe it is my responsibility to find the appropriate care provider and delegate some portions of ‘control’ to a true professional.
I agree they’re probably thinking long-term, and are willing to try something different in the hopes of getting different results. With the media scrutiny on her and her family, I can’t blame them for wanting to be away from the paparazzi, and maybe a little distance will help to repair the relationship.
I agree with this. It’s worth a try.
I agree that someone else could have a better influence over her at this point. Clearly when she is off of her meds/out of treatment she wants nothing to do with her parents – at best. Perhaps someone else can get through to her.
And people making a big deal out of the parents going back to Texas….isn’t that their home now? If Amanda never even wants to see them, what is the point of living in LA? They have another child and perhaps grandchildren and their own home in Texas. Are they supposed to live in LA just in the hopes that Amanda wants to see them some day? They can be back in LA within a couple of hours if need be. What is it they can do physically in LA on a day to day basis that they can’t do from Texas to help her?
Exactly.
Yeah, I’m shocked by the amount of hate being directed their way. I’m inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt – even if they weren’t great parents, watching their daughter fall apart like this has to be tremendously painful.
Also, I do know a family who was advised to give their severely mentally-ill daughter space. Their involvement, while well meaning and following all the guidelines, only made the situation worse. To their daughter, their behavior seemed like they were treating her like a child when she was an adult. When they stepped back, their daughter finally responded to treatment – long enough to acknowledge that she did need to be under round-the-clock care for the rest of her life. Her parents now live several states away and fly back a couple times a month to see her. I don’t think it’ll ever stop being difficult for them, but they’ve made peace that their daughter needs to, in some way, feel like she is an adult, because that enables her to get the treatment she needs.
Amanda’s situation may be entirely different. But I wish people wouldn’t judge her parents, because we don’t know and I feel like they deserve the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, this. They aren’t giving up — they’re doing the right thing by not trying to do a job you need tons of training and experience for.
I work in this field in Germany. I am a laywer and get clients like Amanda through the courts. It is an professional concervatorship, controlled by the courts.
First they look for family members who can do it , and if they do not want anymore or are exhausted, we will get them.
It`s a really difficult situation for the family members. it`s better for a prof. because most of the time it hurts the relationship to much.
Here in Germany you have to be a danger for yourself and for other people, and then you can be forced to go to a closed treatment facility. BUt just a few weeks.
Till that you can just take care of the finances and try to find a person who can care for her and help her. But she has to be willing to do so and to accept. If she does not want it you can`t do anything.
Sorry for my english.
Your English was great.
Ditto to what sigh said and great (logical) post.
Thank you, that`s nice to hear.
I think the same like Psych APRN, Nr. 8.
You can try to do it first but sometimes it`s so much better to have someone else for this work. You can still be there for your child, they don`t abandon her.
They know what to do and who can help.
Does anyone know how exhausting it is to take care of a person with severe mental illness that will not adhere to treatment? I do…I see it all the time, because that is what I do. The parents were doing some smart things, such as the gift cards, which acts as a budget. The other good thing is turning over the conservatorship to a “disinterested person”. This will allow them to have a relationship with their daughter that is parental in nature, rather than caregiver. This works, folks, much better than it doesn’t. It does not alleviate their sadness, anguish, guilt, but it will enable them to love their daughter as much as possible al little bit better. I applaud their bravery and their insight. We all can learn something from their struggles.
Great comment, Psych Aprn.
Couldn’t agree more with your experience or your observation. I’ve had the same professional experience and sometimes, the mere fact that the one with the control over finances is not the parent de-escalates the situation. Unlike their family members, she won’t have the lifetime of imagined/real baggage with the professional.
While I am not minimizing her illness, having the “disinterested party” manage her funds and her care is like hiring someone – rather than having your parents- teach you to drive. You’re not nearly as likely to take umbrage to every suggestion, to the tilt of their head, or the tone of their voice– there is healthy objectivity. I only hope that she is able to recognize that objectivity, to find a healthy place and at some point, for the relationships within her family to heal.
Thank you for this. My heart hurts for those parents.
Great post.
I think they need to get *somebody* who actually knows what they’re doing to help this poor girl. I’d rather a professional over parents whom she obviously has major issues with.
I also think she really needs a friend. Not someone who enjoys hanging out and letting her pay for things, but somebody who will be honest with her and who actually cares about her wellbeing.
She won’t like honesty. These rich former child actors surround themselves with yes-people. They will be nodding to anything just to be a part of the entourage.
I’m sure she wouldn’t like it, but I think it would be a great help if she had that. I guess I’ll just hope from afar that she’ll be open to the possibility. I think a real friend that she can trust, someone coming from a place of truth, is something she really needs.
If they think that this will get her the help she needs, and they can have at least some parts of their lives returning to a version of “normal,” this is the most humane solution for everyone involved.
I don’t think her parents are abandoning her. They are putting her in the hands of professionals. She might have some bitterness towards her parents and having an objective party taking care of her might lessen her bad feelings toward her parents. Can you imagine being the parent of someone who is mentally ill and resists your efforts to help them? not fair to judge her parents, imo. she has resisted her parents’ help, a third party is better
Poor Amanda. And her poor parents. It’s not easy dealing with this at any age and these two don’t look young. Such a sad and difficult situation for all.
Several of us have said on other threads that Amanda, as an adult, has the right to be estranged from her parents. This is the right decision on their part. They are putting her welfare in the hands of professionals wose decisions will not be based on emotion. This is also honoring her wishes.
MTE
This needed to happen. When Britney Spears father took over she was at least OK, if not happy with it. This girl is making public accusations of sexual abuse. Imagine if she sued or pressed charges? They may have grandchildren they could be prevented from seeing. It’s time to make themselves safe. You cannot save everyone, sometimes not even your own family. This situation is just awful.
I think Britney agreed to it, because she lost her children. Even in the depths of her illness she loved her boys and had bottomed out so bad, that if that was the only way to get her children back in her life.
Pet peeve: articles saying she is bipolar and manic depressive when they are the same thing.
I feel for her parents. It is utterly exhausting dealing with your mentally ill child. I think what they’re doing is right in the long term.
I’m quoting Amanda. SHE said she was diagnosed as “bipolar and manic depressive.”
I believe that this is a good thing, for reasons that others have already listed. But I am envious that they have options. And I don’t hold it against them for having professionals come in and helping while the parents try to get their lives back too.
Mental illness is so vicious and I wish help for it was better supported and funded, to say the very, very least.
They tried before to move in order to be close to her. Her response was to move to the other coast. They might as well go home, she doesn’t want their help and they can’t force it. Makes more sense to be in Texas than futilely trying to keep up with her.
The answer to everything is pop a pill. next. very, very sad.
They moved to Calfornia years ago to try to help her, leaving their home in Texas. She immediately takes off to New York to get away from them. They have stayed for years now trying to wait it out and trying to keep lines of communication open since she was an adult and she wasn’t doing enough to get control of her or get her help without her consent. Eventually she did enough to get her under their control for a while when she set that fire. Now, after taking care of her and her doing so well, she’s back out on her own and off meds and whacked out again. But other than financial conservatorship, they have no other control over her. And handing that part over to someone else is better for their relationship as she seems very angry at them for holding the reigns over dolling out her money.
There is no easy answer and I don’t blame them for going back home. They have a daughter there also. And as much as she runs away from them, being back in Texas with their friends and family at their age is the thing to do, as they fly and can be there any time she needs them if she wants to see them. Amanda has to be ready to stay medicated and until she is, unless she does something that causes her to committed, they have no say.
Mental illness takes its toll on the whole family. When family members get to the point where their health and well-being has greatly suffered it’s time to look at alternatives. My sympathy goes to the suffering family members who can’t afford alternatives.
Great post.
I feel for her and for her parents. There are just no easy answers in a situation like this. I just hope that she gets the treatment and care that she needs and that she will accept help.
One of our good friend’s brothers has severe schizophrenia. He wasn’t always mentally ill, but his schizophrenia developed in his mid 20’s and progressed as he got older. He is now in his mid 30’s, but essentially lives on the street and by choice. His parents are good people and have done everything they can to provide and care for their son, but at a point, there is only so much they can do. He goes though phases where he is doing ok, but then he runs off for weeks at a time, quits taking his medication and won’t seek out anyone to help him. He is so far gone that sometimes he can’t remember old friends or his own family. His family loves him and only wants the best for him, but unfortunately, there is only so much control over the situation that one can have. You can’t just lock someone away and hope for the best. Even with medication, constant monitoring, therapy, he will never be able to live a normal life, Unless he proves a threat to himself or others, he is free to live his life as he pleases. I use to wonder why his folks didn’t try to care for him more, but as the years have passed, I realize they have done everything that they can. I think society will always misunderstand how to treat the mentally ill, because the saddest part about it, is there is only so much you can do.
I don’t think Amanda’s parents are giving up or looking away, but they’ve come to the realization that their daughter does not want their help and every time they try to intervene, she retaliates. I also feel like they may not be the best people to oversee her situation, because at one point, her mom blamed all of this on smoking marijuana, which obviously there are deeper issues at hand than weed.
From the TMZ link in the article:
“We’re told the parents are not inviting Amanda back to live with them because they’re “burnt out.” At this point, they feel she needs to hit rock bottom before she realizes she needs serious help.”
From what I saw in TMZ, her parents’ gift cards aren’t enough to get her an apartment nor even a hotel room, though they reported that Amanda threw wads of cash at the London Hotel front clerk after they refused to let her stay there.
I don’t know why they just couldn’t rent her an apartment or buy her a condo and pay the HOA & insurance fees from her account.
As for their being “burnt out” and moving several states away, good riddance to them. Thankfully they gave up their conservatorship since they continue believing that all that needs to happen is for Amanda to hit “rock bottom” as if her problem is drugs and addiction and that it’s her choice to get her mind right. THEY STILL DON’T GET IT.
There’s no “rock bottom” to mental illness, unless you count DEATH.
I wouldn’t trust TMZ’s take on their opinions. TMZ misrepresents all the time, especially in regards to feelings etc.
“We’re told the parents. . . ” not “The parents told us . . .” Big difference and I would not rely on any sources that TMZ uses.
Whenever I see a photo of Amanda I get so sad. She just looks like a shell of her former self. Her parents have to do whatever is best for Amanda and for themselves. I would not be surprised if part of the reason for the move to Texas is that hopefully Amanda will follow them there. If they feel handing Amanda’s care off to someone else is for the best then that’s what is best. It doesn’t make them bad people or bad parents it just makes them human beings who have to set boundaries for their own health, well-being and relationships. Amanda doesn’t seem to trust them so what good are they doing by staying in control of the situation? Personally, I think her parents are making the right decision by putting Amanda’s care in the hands of someone who isn’t emotionally invested and can make a clear decision. Mental illness is unfair, there’s no right or wrong way for them to handle it they just have to handle it in a way that makes sure Amanda gets the best care and they have the peace of mind knowing she is well cared for in capable hands.
Quite simply ladies ….they have come to their breaking point . They uprooted their lives in Texas and moved to California to help her and be with her the first time she went off the rails …and stayed through it all even with her fighting them all the way….and frankly they are tired and worn out…..She doesn’t want their help ..She uses them as the the excuse for her actions…and so they are going back home…they have done the best they can and turned her care over to professional mental health specialist and financial specialist . So now its up to Amanda…She will have to find another persons to blame her problems on….God Bless Rick and Lynn…..and God Help Amanda
My older sister is bipolar with psychosis, probably the same as Amanda. It didn’t manifest till after our father died, when she was in her mid-20s. She was in and out of involuntary and voluntary treatment, on and off legal and illegal drugs, on and off the street. My family didn’t have a fraction of the resources Amanda’s has. It was horrible. I tried for years to get my mother to move to be closer to me and further from my sister, but she never would. My mother was terrified my sister would be homeless, which she sometimes was, by choice. My mother set up apartment after apartment, car after car, chance after chance. None of it lasted long. Eventually my mother was diagnosed with cancer and passed away several years ago. I wish she had the chance and opportunity Amanda’s parents have now. The system is broken, and nobody wins in these situations. Mental illness is a horrible thing and tears families apart. My greatest sympathies to all involved.
I really fear for Amanda’s safety. I do not blame her parents for how they are choosing to handle this (although it’s odd to me that they are literally just leaving her behind), but Amanda is clearly unwell. I am very afraid that something is going to happen to her with her aimlessly roaming the streets as she’s been doing over the last week. She claims on twitter that she is now taking her meds, but one has to wonder if that’s true, since she is completely over-sharing on twitter which is not her usual behavior unless she’s off the rails again. I do think it’s wise that her parents are parceling out her money to her though, given that she is a prime target for predators of that sort. Although why they don’t set her up with a hotel room or something is very weird.
They probably did set her up at a hotel. The hotel expenses mentioned are probably for extras.
Perhaps the parents are giving Amanda what she thinks she wants. With strangers running her life, she may see that she needs her parents after all. Sounds like nothing much else has had an effect. I’m sure their hearts are breaking.
I think her parents are absolutely making the right decision in RETURNING to their home in Texas. Amanda wants nothing to do with them. They should not have control over her care — it’s far too messy. People bring up Britney Spears’ father having a conservatorship over her, and while she’s no longer the mess she was before it, he’s also squeezing every penny out of her that he can. That is not a good model.
That said, I worry about the money aspect, because Sam Lufti’s been involved in this.
I hope they find someone trustworthy, who has Amanda’s best interests as a priority and not a moocher.
this this this.
I understand why Amanda’s parents need to step back.
At the same time, this girl is obviously very ill. I hope that there is at least one person in this world looking out for her best interests. Someone that is in the position to do just that.
It is hard for me not to feel bad for Amanda. She did NOT choose to be mentally ill. It is not her fault. It is however her responsibility to seek help. At this point in time Amanda is obviously in denial. Not necessarily a good time for her family to abandon her.
However, if the parents can find someone who is truly capable of helping their daughter, then that is a blessing for everyone.