Paris Hilton will be tagged with an alarm to protect her from fellow prison inmates. The heir-head will be provided with a panic device giving her a 24-hour link to prison guards.

That is such bullshit if this is true. It’s Paris Hilton, not the f***ing Hope Diamond.

From The National Ledger:

Paris Hilton will be tagged with an alarm to protect her from fellow prison inmates, a report claims. The hotel heiress will be provided with the first alert like panic device giving her a 24-hour link to prison guards in case she encounters trouble when she begins her prison sentence next month, according to Britain’s The Sun newspaper.

After receiving threats from prospective fellow inmates on her MySpace page, the 26-year-old heiress has made it known she is frightened of her upcoming jail stint. But the Simple Life’ star will be kept in the prison’s ‘special needs’ unit, which is reserved for police officers, public officials, celebrities and other high-profile inmates.

According to earlier reports her good behavior has already paid off. Her sentence has already been cut from 45 to 23 days and there are many predicting that she may not even serve that due to overcrowding.

Los Angeles County sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore noted that several factors resulted in the jail sentence cut, including showing up on time for her latest court date. Hilton will report to the Century Regional Detention Center in suburban Lynwood, California on June 5. She is said to also be considering keeping a diary for publication of her time in lock up.

Also, according to Page Six, Paris has also discovered God (like he was never around until she “found” him) and is turning to spirituality to get her through this very difficult time. God would probably turn her into a pillar of salt for just looking at a church.

I have never seen a person make such a fuss about going to jail before. I mean, I know jail isn’t a fun place, but I’ve known people who had to go away for longer who just took it on the chin and just went. Bloody Paris has to have defense training, her own wing, panic buttons put in, it is such an exaggeration and waste of tax payer money (I love I can say that now I live in America, it’s said like once a day here, I have found). It’s not even a maximum security prison with serial murderers or anything — the place Paris is going to probably has a masseuse on call for her.

It is also just like Paris to keep a diary of her jail time to sell of to the highest bidder. I can imagine it now:

Dear Diary,

Oh my God, like, I hate this place SO much. My hair extensions needs re-gluing and the mean jail guards only threw Crazy Glue at me to glue them back on my head. Plus, there are, like, no hot guards for me to flirt with in here.

All the other girls are fat and are jealous of me because I look much better than them in my orange jumpsuit. I’m going to call Elliott so he can send me Swarovsky crystals to put on my prison tag, it would make it look, like, TOTALLY hot. Gotta go, I have to show some other girl around. I think her name is Eve or something.

Love ya!

Paris

P.S. Like, I wonder when that bitch Lindsay Lohan will show up with my bottles of “water”, I’m, like, so parched, she better not be making out with my boyfriend or, like, I’m gonna sick Brandon Davis on her and make him sweat on her.

Someone please send this girl away already and get it over with. I’ll probably fly to Los Angeles the day they put her in the slammer, with a lawn chair, popcorn, and a BB gun, just to observe that they do it correctly and she doesn’t try to run away.

Pics [via]