Robyn Lawley isn’t quite a supermodel. She’s not yet a household name and isn’t too flashy on social media (like somebody else), but Robyn holds a lot of lucrative contracts like Pantene and Chantelle. She loves to eat and recently published a cookbook of decadent recipes. Robyn’s also notable for being Ralph Lauren’s first plus-sized model (even though she’s a size 12). She’s an all-around cool chick who is realistic about body type and speaks out for body acceptance at every opportunity.
Robyn’s not afraid of talking about serious subjects, but this time, she found some blowback. Robyn is pregnant with her first child at age 25. She’s about 8 months along, and she talked about her pregnancy with Cosmo. Robyn admitted that she considered how this pregancy would affect her future in her chosen job market. Robyn is a model by trade, so she had to think about how pregnancy would affect contracts that are based upon her looks. She did consider abortion but chose to keep the baby. These are the relevant passages:
Why she considered an abortion: “I’ve been modeling for 10 years; [my career] seems like it’s come very sudden to a lot of people, but it hasn’t. I have been working and traveling like crazy for years. That gets exhausting! I wanted to slow down the modeling, and up the designing and the cooking and other things that interest me. I love modeling, but I was already on my way to cutting back on that work to focus on quality over quantity. Still, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I had to take all options into account, because with a baby, I’ll have to majorly slow down — and I’m very career driven. That scared me.”
Her pro-choice stance: “I donate to NARAL every year. I always thought it was a very easy decision to make, to get an abortion. I thought if you need it, you can get it. I thought it’d be so easy! I’d just walk in there, and it’d be done so quickly, but then I called them and heard the process and thought this is a serious, full-on thing. I decided then that I wanted to keep the baby. Had I been in a different circumstance, without a partner or had I been raped, the decision could have been different. When you’re actually confronted with the possibility of an abortion, it’s an immensely hard decision. If people think this is an easy decision to make, they’re grossly mistaken.”
Her post-decision fear: “I was so scared to tell my agency. I think that’s something a lot of women go through. I had a friend who was pregnant call me, and the first thing she told me was that she was scared to tell her workplace because she’d just gotten the job. She was scared of getting fired, because that still happens. Women are still unequal in the workforce. The agency ended up being very supportive, and we discussed what the best course of action was. I couldn’t tell some clients for a while, so I had to continue working while pregnant. I would be working bikini shoots thinking, I look bloated today. Oh right, I’m pregnant! It ended up being six months of working while pregnant without announcing it. Which was hard because I was a lot weaker. Some clients noticed something was off, because I’m usually very easygoing, but I had to start saying, ‘I can’t do this, or I can’t lift that.’ As a model, as soon as you say you can’t do things, you’re a diva!”
[From Cosmo]
Robyn’s fear about her career is, dare I say, “normal.” Not just because she’s a model, but because it’s a realistic fear for all working women. When I fell pregnant many lives ago, I was instantly demoted because, “It will be easier to replace you when you don’t come back from maternity leave.” My job had nothing to do with appearance, so I have no trouble believing Robyn worried about losing her modelling gigs. Robyn also talked about her fear for not being able to get her body back. She’s looking at Victoria’s Secret angels for inspiration, which … ugh. Don’t get me wrong, Doutzen Croes and Adriana Lima look fantastic after giving birth, but they went to great lengths to get there (especially Adriana).
Anyway. Some websites and newspapers made a big deal about Robyn admitting she considered abortion. These outlets omitted choice words and twisted her meaning to make it look like Robyn didn’t want her baby out of fear of being fat. Of course. Robyn responded on Facebook in a long letter. Robyn says she’s been harassed on Facebook and told that she’d be a terrible mother — all because questioned whether she could be a good mother at this point in life: “The reality is many women face a plethora of factors when considering whether to have an abortion. And my case is no different. Sure, one of the biggest ones for me related to my career, which necessarily and perhaps unfortunately relates, at least in part, to my body image.” Robyn says it didn’t take too long to make her decision, and she’s thrilled to be pregnant. She’ll be a great mom.
Photos courtesy of Robyn Lawley on Instagram & WENN
A woman should always have control over her body. Abortion isn’t an easy choice but neither is carrying a baby around for 9 months and then pushing it out after intense labor with all the complications that can follow.
That being said, having an abortion before or considering it prior to giving birth does not automatically make someone a bad mother! It’s a choice, an option that was laid out on the table and considered. And I for one am thankful for all those places where it is an option because I would not want to be forced to carry a pregnancy to term reluctantly.
More power to Robyn for saying what a lot of women feel but don’t express. Sometimes women don’t want to be pregnant for whatever reason (age, work, medical complications, financial instability etc etc etc etc) and they consider abortion as an alternative. Often they don’t go through with it but the fact remains, they thought of abortion as a viable option.
Hear, hear! When I read about some of the reactions to Robyn, I have to wonder what planet some of these people live on. I think being dishonest and hypocritical about one’s concerns and choices makes one a far worse mother than contemplating whether to have an abortion in the face of an unplanned pregnancy (not the latter makes one a bad mother at all).
very well put!
Totally co-sign.
Absolutely!
I applaud her for her honesty. Both choices are not easy to make and both come with pros and cons. No one should be shamed for thinking about out or even getting an abortion. Our society is so hard on women.
I have always been pro-choice, but never more so than after I went through the experience of being pregnant and having a child. It is simply not something ANYONE should be forced to do.
I completely agree. Becoming a mother is not something i would ever wish on someone who doesn’t want it.
abortion is so tough. .
I really like her statement. I think it was very respectful of other women, regardless of what decisions they make.
Good for her! When faced with the same choice, I made the same decision for many of the same reasons (had a partner, economically stable – at that point, at least). But I was terrified. The pregnancy was unplanned and I had a three- and one-year-old, and the marriage (which broke up when Surprise Baby was two) was already strained. It’s a very personal and tough decision, and I applaud Robin’s willingness to share that aspect.
Same here. Surprise baby (my first). Just started a new job. Just purchased a new apartment, which was still largely unfurnished, as I’d just sunk all my money into the purchase. It was terrifying – to say the least. I ultimately decided to keep the baby — after REALLY contemplating an abortion, not just in passing. I feel like I’m a great mother. Once the contemplation is over and the decision is made, it’s not like you continually regret the choice. I love my child more than anything. To suggest that she’s a crappy person or will be a bad mother because she contemplated an abortion is asinine.
My pregnancy was planned but we found out that our baby had a higher risk of having downs syndrome.
Yes we discussed and considered an abortion due to the health issues related to DS. But we did research and after an ultrasound, we just couldn’t do it. We already loved her too much.
Luckily she was born totally healthy and is destroying something as i type this.
Omg, Audrey! Bless you and your family! I cannot even believe that things like that happen – the doctors tells you there’s a higher than normal risk of having a sick child and yo abort a perfectly healthy baby. So scary!
Thank you for creating more awareness, Robyn. There is no shame in abortion. It’s a personal choice women from all walks of life have to consider at times.
What the hell is she talking about it being a long, hard process? It’s a 15-20 min procedure, and then you rest for a while and experience only mild discomfort of cramps. How much quicker does she want it?
It’s really irresponsible and dangerous of her to give woman the impression that medical abortion isn’t easy or quick or painless and that is why she decided to not go through with it because of this.
This is where the outrage should be directed.
It *can* be a long hard process though. Three days and excruciating pain? I speak from experience. Any medical procedure will be different for different people.
I reserve my outrage for the people clutching their pearls about a woman who considered all her options before picking one. (The more I hear about Robyn the more I like her).
Same here . I had a missed miscarriage so had to get a termination, which was traumatising enough and while the day of the procedure was easy, the next three days i had on and off excrutiating pains and then a week later bleedings started. I was convinced i was internally damaged and ntg but my next (current) pregnancy could convince me otherwise. For months I went on obssessing about uterine adhesions and whatnot and I was miserable. So even if the op is short and smooth sailing, the repercussions can be brutal.
Thousands of woman everyday have an abortion with no complications what so ever, that is the norm, not what you went through, please don’t suggest that it is just because of the worst case scenario that it ‘can’. It’s the wrong info to put out there.
Mine was far from the worst case scenario. Judging by the reactions of the nurse’s it was well within normal parameters.
“It’s the wrong info to put out there” implies you either think I am lying or you only want one narrative of the abortion process, which makes you as tunnel-visioned as the anti-abortionists.
I agree that the procedure is relatively straight forward (physically). However there can be complications.
I was 13 weeks when we found out our baby had acrania (a severe neural tube defect). I had a termination as the baby wasn’t expected to live past the second trimester.
I bleed off and on for two months. I had a lot of specialists watching over me since I had IVF and was hoping to try again a few months later and it still took me pushing for two more ultrasounds to ‘just have a look’ for them to realise I was still retaining a significant amount of tissue. I ended up having another D and C where they found I still had a significant amount of remaining tissue.
I don’t wish anyone to go through it, but I completely understand if you chose to and support anyone who does. And to anyone who does, remember you are the best advocate for your body. Don’t let anyone brush you aside and say you’re physically fine if you have any doubts. You don’t want to find out years later that there was tissue left behind, have developed adhesions and will have trouble having a baby when you really want one.
What she was saying was that she thought it was going to be a quick and easy decision and it’s not! She was also saying that she thought an abortion was this quick, easy thing like getting your hair trimmed and it’s not!!
I find telling women an aboration is such a quick and easy fix is waaaay more dangerous! Complications can arise from any procedure. There are lot of emotional issues that can come up like guilt and depression.
Geez before jumping the gun you might wanna actually read what she’s saying!!!!
And she never said anything about it being an excruciating process. I think u are seeing what u want there 😉
Just because it was” painless” for you doesn’t mean it is painless for every woman.
I don’t know how this works in the U.S. but in Germany (where it’s technically still illegal, we seem to be stuck in the past) you can’t just go in and get one. You need to have the consultation, spend some time with … well, whoever thinks they should be counseling you on this etc. Maybe the procedure itself can be quick but you do have to go through some steps to get an abortion. I assume it’s not easier in the U.S., possibly even more difficult.
That’s probably what she meant. And any time a doctor gives you the “talk” about any medical procedure, it’ll sound like death is just around the corner even if it’s a relatively simple thing.
Mandatory counselling in the UK, also (but the morning after pill is freely available to all women, even underage, at pharmacies).
Mandatory counselling and available pills in Italy as well, but I think you can skip the counselling if you go to a private clinic (and pay). If you go to a hospital, though, there is a good chance to find some right wing extremist of a doctor who refuses to do it. Thankfully, there is also a law that says that this is incredibly illegal (meaning that if you sue them, you are probably going to win), but you can’ t force them, and you’ ll have to find someone else. For some reason (read: money) in private structures almost no one dares to refuse this treatment!
I was married to a German and lived there for 9 years.
I know what you are talking about, I had to go talk to some church even though I am not religious, they asked me lot of questions and I needed to get a “permission” from them which was pretty ridiculous
I feel that this model was expression how her situation was and not really saying is that way for everyone.
I always thought if I got pregnant at the wrong time I would just go ahead and have an abortion, I did get pregnant in a bad marriage in which I was not going to stay or bring a child into, I would never want to bring a person into this world unless I have prepared in the best way and have a great partner by my side who views having a baby the same way.
I had the abortion, it was not so easy to decide as I thought, it was quick yes but a bit painful. I don’t regret having the abortion, I know that it was the best decision I could have made for that baby and my self. I must say thought sometimes I feel sad when I think about how my child would been, how old he or she would be now….
I am glad to live in Canada where abortion is legal, also I am glad I was in a place like Germany where it also was, even though they are annoying with all their questions
In France, where it is legal, it takes time : a first mediacl exam, mandatory counselling then a 7 days cooling of period (Is that the right terme ?) before the actual abortion, even with pills.
It’s long and while you mostly meet understanding and supporting people, emotionally painfull.
Who ever says that it’s the easy choice does not understand anything.
@ alicia: Is it still the church who does the counseling? Goddamn it.
Just a quick thing, it’s actually still illegal here in Germany but if you stay within the first trimester and get the counselling etc., it’s not prosecuted. So technically it’s allowed but the law still calls it a crime. Which I think is not okay at all but hell, we can’t seem to get on the same-sex marriage train either.
Alicia, the church doesn’t do abortion counselling any longer in Germany. Its now out version of planned parenthood called profamilia, who despite their name have a reputation neutral counselling, i.e. you can walk in there say you want an abortion and spent the rest of the mandatory time talking about the weather and they will sign the slip you need or you can spent the time in their reflection on your options, discuss your future etc. It’s not ideal in terms of access to abortion, but at least its some patriarchal system “positively twisted” to do good for the pregnant woman.
Pro Familia does a great job with their counceling.
God forbid someone spends a few more minutes contemplating a procedure that ends a potential life. Criminal, I tell you.
I had two D&Cs after miscarriages, and the procedure and recovery was not easy physically. The emotional toll was worse, given that I actually wanted the children growing in my womb.
Dear Catk, sending you lots of support and wish you the best of luck in having these children you want.
ML,I dont understand what you are trying to say here. Just like i wrote above, mine was a medical necessity nevertheless I am pro-choice, even fanatically so. But that doesnt mean I view abortiom an easy thing, both medically and emotionally. Abortion should be the absolute last resort for someone precisely because it can be traumatising for some ppl and can have complications that might affect your future fertiliy. I am pro choice but also pro extreme caution (unless it was out of your control of course).
You are all being a bit ridiculous now, saying ‘this and that can happen, so don’t say it doesn’t’, which is not what I’m saying at all, of course anything ‘can’ happen, but the point is, would you base your decision on whether to have an abortion or not if you were told that it is a long drawn out process?
You are dismissing everyone here who is saying that it CAN be difficult. No one is saying it WILL be difficult. Or do we simply ignore any possible negatives to a certain decision? You are implying that if women knew a possible negative aspect that they would suddenly change their minds?
@ML
So in order not to dissuade women from seeking abortions you think women should be silenced or face “outrage” because their experiences are less than positive or they found their expectations of abortion did not match reality?
I doubt she was talking about the procedure itself when she spoke about a “full-on” process, but the lead up to it and possible outcomes. In the UK there is compulsory counselling, and in the US a number of states have passed laws making pre abortion ultra sounds mandatory (with some women-hating doctors forcing women into transvaginal ultrasounds). Those things ARE pretty full-on (unless we know what state and clinic she spoke with it’s hard to know what the process was that was explained to her) and we shouldn’t require they be glossed over for the sake of the pro-choice movement.
In fact, for someone pro-choice you’re logic sounds an awful lot like the anti-choicers who also seek to silence the lived experiences of women in the name of political agenda. Now that is ridiculous.
For the record I am pro-choice. I believe women should always be able to make informed decisions regarding their health AND be able to discuss those decisions free of judgement.
I’m glad your abortion experience was super fast and easy. Many are not.
I had a D&C for a missed miscarriage, and it was quite a lot more painful than I expected. I puked and fainted. Anyway, given abortion is such a polarizing topic, I understand that people don’t want scare stories out there, under the impression it is helping “the other side”. However, I always think it is important to share realistic details for abortion, pregnancy and labor. Everyone’s experience will vary widely. Obviously a D&C is much easier than 9 months of pregnancy and labor. But it is not necessarily a walk in the park either.
I am a little late to this thread, but I do tend to agree with ML. Abortion, when decided upon very early in a pregnancy, is generally a very safe, quick procedure. I had one at about 4 weeks pregnant and was in and out of Dr.’s office in about 30 minutes. My regular Ob/Gyn did the procedure and I was not required to do any special counseling or have a waiting period or anything. (It is state by state in the US, but in NY there are really no hurdles to jump through to get an abortion.) To compare that to a medically necessary termination later in pregnancy or a miscarriage and D&C is not apples to apples.
ML is simply saying that to imply that abortion generally is a very painful, dangerous procedure is misleading and not the right message. If anything I think the message needs to be, decide early on and consider that decision seriously, because with any medical procedure (including childbirth) there is a risk of complications.
@Jenny
I think it is important for people to know the procedures as well. My parents used to “debate” abortion, and my dad seriously thought that anyone could just waltz in, say they want an abortion, and get one 10 minutes later. That was back when he was involved in a hugely fundamentalist church–and I wouldn’t be surprised if they all thought like that. That you can just go in and get one and come back out. And ugh–one of the reasons that turned me very pro-choice is that they were always all ABORTIONS ARE AGAINST GOD, YOU WANTON HUSSY! (and this goes for unmarried single women with children) but NEVER talk shit about the men who don’t take care of their kids. Or ever condemn people who neglect and abuse the kids that they do have. UGH IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I get crazy eyes whenever I see some of them.
Also–my mom told me that when she decided to get her tubes tied (after FIVE kids), she STILL had to attend a few classes/sessions so that she “knew what she was getting into”. After FIVE kids.
Jenny & Virginia- I can’t write it but got so much out of your posts. Hugs to you both!
@Jenny
But the thing is, nowhere in the interview did Lawley say or imply that abortion is very painful or dangerous, only that the process wasn’t as simple as she thought and it was a very hard decision for her. So, in regards to ML’s initial post, I fail to see how Lawleys comments are dangerous or irresponsible, and I certainly rail against the idea that Lawley is somehow deserving of outrage for making comments about her own individual circumstances and concluding her comments on the topic with a positive affirmation of her belief in a woman’s right to choose. Of all the people to take issue with, Lawley seems an odd target for outrage.
@Jenny – A D&C for a miscarriage is the exact same procedure as a D&C for an abortion, but at 4 weeks it would tend to be less painful than at 9 weeks, when I had mine. My second successful pregnancy I had to contemplate a late-term abortion because of a high risk for Downs. Both my pregnancies that resulted in kids had very unpleasant complications. After all those experiences, I am pro-choice in a much more visceral way than before. There is nothing Lawley said to imply that it was dangerous, just that it isn’t always simple – which depends a lot on how far along you are and where you live.
ML: “how much quicker does she want it?” While I agree with your position be careful…..that statement has a lot of ammo that I’m not going to touch! And it’s ammo for arguing a position that I don’t think you intended on arguing for. Just know that you might be hopping on a lot of lillipads with a nest of roots underneath! I love & appreciate your sentiments….
Wow. Emotionally, it’s not an easy decision, though at the time it can be. Sometimes the emotional trauma comes way later. I speak from experience. I had an abortion when I was 19. It was an easy, logical decision for me at the time because I had no partner and would have had a very difficult time financially raising a child. The procedure went “normally”… Not particularly uncomfortable, but I did have some pretty bad cramping for a few days afterwards. The “damage” came years later – when I got married and wanted to have a baby and found out that the abortion procedure caused some damage to my uterus, leaving me with scar tissue and adhesions that left me unable to carry a pregnancy. So while it seemed like a hot idea at 19, now that I am 50 and the realization has fully hit me that this “easy decision” has left me childless….well….. I guess I was just one of the unlucky ones.
@GoNatural – except for the IVF, I had virtually the same experience… 13 weeks preg., discovered there was no longer a fetal heartbeat, told I had to have a D&C because of how far along I was… started massively bleeding before the scheduled D&C, ended up in emerg and had the ER doctor manually scrape out my uterus (that was fun)… weeks later had a massive “hemorrhage”, wound up in emerg again, this time I had an ultrasound and they discovered a ton of tissue had remained behind… then had the D&C. I felt terrible for weeks afterwards, mentally and physically; it was definitely not a “straight forward” process. But bottom line for me, every woman should have the right to make the decisions about her body that are right for her, period.
I’ve had four D&Cs due to miscarriages, and the aftermath of each one was different, even though the timing was very similar in three of the four. I think there may be more variation than you are allowing for.
In here, where abortion became legal last year, not only the process of being interviewed to know the reason, the atempt to convince you and the exams they need takes more than a week, but after they give you the pills (not surgery) it takes a day or two the physical process to start. and from all the women I know that went through it they spent those days in pain, vomiting and with other effects. I guess it depends on the place you do it.
When it was illegal, the clinics did the process in just minutes and then women spent maybe a day with mild effects.
I’ve had an abortion. It was an easy decision for me and I’ve never spent even a fraction of a second regretting it or feeling any guilt over it. If the same set of circumstances came up, I’d make exactly the same decision.
I feel like I need to say that. Because women shouldn’t be required to apologise for a choice, nor to frame it in apologetic ways (I suffered, it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, it took me years to get over it, I’ll never fully get over it, etc etc etc), nor to justify their decision to a judgmental public.
I fully realise that it’s not easy or clear cut for everyone and my love, compassion and every shred of sisterhood I possess goes out to every woman who suffers or struggles with such a choice.
I just feel the need to put it out there that there are some women who have no problem with having terminated a pregnancy. And I am one of them.
Thank you for sharing your story and for putting that perspective out there.
I had no problem with it, either. I was 26, in a relationship that was falling apart, had used birth control that failed, and had no interest in becoming a mother. I’ve never regretted my decision, not for a minute.
Sixer, I’ve only ever admitted this to a handful of people in my entire life and I can’t believe I’m writing here (although I love Celebitchy and the commentary thereof) but…
Me, too. I too had an abortion. I was a teenager, the father was a jerk, I had a terrible home life, and I was in no way capable of bearing or raising a child. I knew that. So I had an abortion. It was an easy decision for me too. Given my circumstances, there was no way to justify creating additional havoc in my life. No way. And I don’t regret it. It was safe, I didn’t have complications, and I have no regrets now.
*Takes deep breath and presses submit comment*
Fridak_K *HUGS*
It’s terrible that women (and only women!) can feel such shame about making that choice when in fact there are always a lot of reasons for the choice and many of those reasons aren’t on the shoulders of the women. No one should need to defend themselves, regardless of how they felt when they made that choice. It’s their body and their choice.
@Frida_K
I admire you and your frankness. You LIVED and now speak your truth. Commendable!
PS. my above thoughts are extended to Sixer and enya too
@ Frida, sending Love to you and my fellow Celebitiches, I had an abortion when I was 21. The father didn’t believe me and I had to skip paying rent for that month so I could pay for it. If it weren’t for my girlfriends, I couldn’t have gotten through. I have no regrets after 20 years but it is part of my history. Abortion affects everyone differently (there were Pro Life protesters who harassed me as well) but I have never questioned my decision and years later helped a young girl pay for hers as well. I think all of us, despite our differences deserve love and compassion regardless of our choices.
Hugs.
OMG Sixer and Frida – me too! 16 years old, boyfriend was a jackass, no way to support myself and a child, I was a child myself! Like you, it’s a part of who I am now, not regretting the decision at all.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but good for you.
All the love to Frida. All of it.
For me, this is the problem. It shouldn’t be about admitting anything. It should be about choice. And not just the choice of terminating or having a baby. It should also be about the choice of being open about it or private about it, as one would be free to choose to be open or private about any personal event or health decision. Making an admission – an ADMISSION! – shouldn’t even enter into the equation.
I think there’s some love that escaped the all the love up there in this comment. That goes to Frida, too.
*HUGE HUG*
Thank you so much, Sixer.
I fled the page after my post and was glad I wrote what I wrote about having had an abortion but also shocked at myself for writing about it. I love our Celebitchy–it’s like a group of smart, opinionated friends. We are a group of smart, opinionated friends! You know what I mean.
Thank you.
And thank you to the many who had kind responses to me and to those of us who shared.
I desperately wanted children and couldn’t have them, but I would have an abortion under certain circumstances, and I believe with everything in me that that is MY choice and decision to make. No apology or explanation necessary.
+1
Thank you for saying this, Sixer.
My story is similar, and now that, 5 years later, I have a wonderful baby boy, I don’t regret taking this decision. It was and still is for the best, for us and the son we have now.
Thank you for sharing your stories Sixer and Frida!
I must admit I was taken-aback the first time an acquaintance casually mentioned she’d had multiple abortions. I think (hope!) I covered well, but I had to consciously take off my judgy-mcjudge hat and remind myself that I was totally pro-choice, and that it shouldn’t matter one whit if her casual attitude didn’t fit the “oh, it was such a hard choice” narrative I was expecting.
There are decent reasons to be pro or to be anti. But thinking “it’s okay, but only if the woman feels suitably guilty/shamed” is just messed up. Yet it’s such a subtle and pervasive message that it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that way. I had no idea that kind of anti-feminist BS was lurking in my subconscious until I had to confront my own reaction. So I think it’s really important for women to speak up and offer a shame-free narrative.
Exactly, Lucrezia, EXACTLY.
You’ll notice I haven’t given the reasons surrounding my termination. This is not because I am trying to keep them secret – I really don’t give a stuff who knows them or who agrees with them. My reasons are besides the point. In fact, they obscure my point.
Same. I was young and trying to escape the relationship, and birth control failed. It was a serious decision that I made very quickly and with no regrets. The more time passes, the more I realize it was the exact correct thing to do.
I did too Sixer and FridaK – it was the only option for me at the time. I was 22. on the verge of breaking up with an alcoholic boyfriend, had no money, no job, and if I’d had the baby we would have ended up on the dole. Great way to start a family. I had no physical problems other than some modest cramps and know that I made the right decision. Thanks all you other ladies who have shared your experiences, we need to speak openly about it and continue to defend a woman’s right to abortion.
Thank you for sharing your stories ladies! I have no doubt someone will be reading your words today and will be given a lot of help and comfort.
Well said Sixer and the other ladies, thank you for admitting it and I agree completely.
Thank you all for sharing your stories.
Thank you 🙂
Sixer, thank you so much for saying this. I feel women often feel the need to apologise for this decision and explain themselves. There is no need. It is your decision and your body. I applaud you for your bravery.
Thanks to everyone for their stories, such strength and grace here.
thank you.
i made the same decision for all the right reasons.
i am pro choice all the way.
it still haunts me, though i know what i chose was best for the circumstances i was in.
and yes a birth control fail was part of it.
after, i wanted to make sure friends knew that it is a painful decision with emotional fall out you may not anticipate.
pro choice all the way.
“Because women shouldn’t be required to apologise for a choice, nor to frame it in apologetic ways”
This so much!!!
Why is abortion frowned upon more than rape in today’s society?? I am sick of this misogynistic attitude that is still present in our culture.
My oldest friend from childhood had an abortion at 20, and she was pregnant with twins. Never regretted it too.
Great thread. I too had one at 23. I’m childfree and kids were never in my life plan, at 34 that hasn’t changed. I have no regrets and the father and I are still friends. He has a 1 year old with his partner now and that was the baby he was meant to have.
So glad you said this Sixer. Agree one hundred percent.
It was brave of her to be that honest, even mentioning abortion seems to give women in the public eye horrendous amounts of abuse.
It’s worrying that there seems to be such a culture of coordinated attacks and shaming about abortion that it becomes a subject that people are to scared to talk about.
Agreed!
Exactly, and my admiration to all you ladies who are speaking so frankly here today. Not for your choice, which is your personal decision, but for sharing your stories.
I’m so tired of society controlling what women do with their bodies! Women should be able to consider and carry out an abortion if they want, it’s a personal choice and I don’t think by shaming a woman for her choice helps the situation. Society has a nasty way of making topics negative and ugly.
As someone who strongly opposes abortion, I honestly don’t understand why she is being criticized for considering it. Whether we like it or not, it is currently a legally available option and when you are pregnant unexpectedly or in a difficult situation (I am currently, loads of medical issues), its not difficult to imagine why someone would want to not be pregnant. If anything, I think she is brave for admitting this publicly. Women can genuinely struggle with this decision and there is nothing wrong with being real about it.
As someone who’s strongly pro-choice, I just want to say thank you for being so reasonable and compassionate. You’re a credit to your side of the discussion.
Thank you. I just get so upset that people don’t even try to be compassionate. Being pregnant can be difficult even under the best of circumstances. It’s saddening that anyone would be shamed like this.
Cel, thank you for sharing this. Your take on things is closer to that of my pro-life friends than what you hear from pro-lifers who make a spectacle of themselves in the media, and I would like to hear more compassionate pro-lifers represented in the public eye. I am very firmly pro-choice myself, but I can respect pro-life people who are not holier-than-thou, logically inconsistent, and more interested in controlling women’s bodies than in helping children. I’m always amazed at how many high-profile pro-lifers claim to be devout Christians, and yet behave publicly in ways that clearly contradict Jesus’ teachings about how to live and how to treat other people. I don’t think they represent most pro-lifers, but they take up a disproportionate amount of cultural space.
Bravo Cel – you are a wonderfully understanding person who, despite having a strong opinion against abortion, can see both sides of the debate clearly. Thank you.
I also must thank you for your compassion.
I’ve had two. One before I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease and one after. Pill failed both times, and yes I was taking it correctly. I was beside myself the second time and after that D&C I immediately signed up for a consult for a tubal ligation. The abortion plus the tubal were costs we really could not comfortably handle at the time but the choice was quite literally paying for this or paying for my funeral expenses. I was assaulted by the extremists when my husband and I went to the clinic. Someone threw clumps of raspberry jelly at us too, screaming that we were murderers.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so compassionate to others. I wish others would follow your example.
bless you, cel.
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Cel, thank you for sharing this respectful, compassionate perspective. I have actually never heard this before from a pro-life supporter before so I appreciate it. I must say that when I had an abortion, one of the most painful things was the virulent protesters outside of the center, and I still have nightmares about them to this day. Made what was already a terrible experience even more horrific. And to add to the comments about the range of experiences, yes, it was a difficult decision but the actual process was the worst. I threw up just before they put me under, cried so much I hyperventilated, and then ended up in a holding room with only chairs to sit on–very painful–full of young black women, like we were all in this surreal assembly line. It was completely surreal, out on the outskirts of the city in an industrial neighborhood, just so rough. Thank god I had one friend who went with me and helped me take the cab home. The personal decision is one thing and the experience of it can be a complete other. I wish that there were laws about those protestors…to me they are in the same category as the evil **** who picket military funerals. Misplaced, disrespectful, hateful.
It was brave of her to make this public. No one forced her to detail her thought process, and I admire her for talking about what is still mostly a taboo topic. It may help those who struggle with either the decision, how to talk about or share their decision, or who feel confused about a decision they made.
For some women it is a clear cut, easy decision, whether to keep a surprise pregnancy or not. For others it is a tough choice to make. And for yet another group, the decision you make at a certain age, may look different 15 or 20 years later.
The one thing I think matters in all this is that whatever our personal preference and experience is, we should be supportive of those who view it differently, and we should applaud a woman who starts a discussion like it even though she knows from the start that she will face some backlash. It also sounds like she has a game plan for when her modelling career is over – good for her, as it seems most models don’t think past that point. (Mind you, the really big names probably make enough money in a few short years to last a lifetime, and they usually end up marrying “well”, so they are not really worried?)
One of my closest friends has a one-year-old, and she’s just as open about the fact that she debated abortion. It’s so refreshing — and important — to hear her talk about the factors that contributed to her decision. In fact, she assumed she’d get an abortion when she found out she was pregnant, but then she thought about it and realized she was ready to begin a new phase of life. She’s an awesome mom, and her son is the happiest baby I’ve ever seen, but that’s only true because it was HER CHOICE to have him.
I wish anti-choice activists would just acknowledge that the sole outcome of taking away abortion is more unwanted kids (in addition to unsafe and fatal attempts, but that’s another conversation altogether). There are already plenty of unwanted kids out there, so if sparing children from awful fates is the goal, why don’t they turn their attention toward foster care reform and pre-K education and women’s/children’s health care (instead of resisting the latter two at all costs)? AGHHHHHHH…
I agree. I’m from a culture that doesn’t really value children; they are there to take care of you when you get old. And with no birth control or abortion options, women just kept/keep having kids until they just couldn’t anymore. Having made the choice to have my child makes me appreciate him more. He’s 10 now and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But that’s the choice I made and I am grateful to have had the choice. It must be horrible to have that choice ripped away from you and feel like you are “stuck” with a child you never wanted.
Exactly this. I had myself a rousing verbal exchange with a silly man and his stupid signs outside of a planned parenthood clinic. He was attempting to use his fear mongering tactics. I asked him “How many children have you adopted?” He said none “because THEY won’t let me.” (Oh, that magical THEY) I asked him how many actual living breathing human children he volunteers with as a big brother he said none. I told him he needed to pack up his signs and leave because he was just trying to make people feel badly about something that had nothing to do with him when he clearly didn’t care about what happens to kids after they’re born.
Becoming a mother has made me more vehemently pro-choice. Everyone does not need (or want) to be a parent and it’s a beautiful thing when people can know that it’s not the right time and/or they aren’t on that path.
You guys all made valid comments about your experiences and perspectives. I love my Celebitches!
I am on the opposite side of the fence. I had an abortion and I regret it deeply. I think that I made the “right” decision but I desperately miss the pregnancy and the child I would have had.
I think that abortion should be safe and legal but for me, it was filled with sadness and regret. Just something to think about.
All the love to you, too, Stephanie.
I feel for you, and I hope you heal emotionally. For some people can be somewhat easier to overcome, but for others is a decision plagued with emotions.
I respect those who have done it, especially mothers with many children to feed… but what I do not understand is how a woman (some do that) can choose to have multiple abortions instead of birth control. That is beyond me.
Why would they do that? Isn’t having an abortion much harder on your body and much more expensive?
upthread someone mentioned it, and I recall reading about younger irresponsible women doing that.
Personally, in my state it is not legal, tho there are girls who chose abortion and there are doctors in regular clinics who perform it in good conditions, but it is expensive. There are a few places where it is legal, so state clinic can perform it for free under certain conditions (time of pregnancy, legal age, etc).
Well, then we have to have the whole conversation about the impact of living in a patriarchal society that teaches girls that their bodies are for mens’ pleasure and separates them from a felt connection to/awareness of their own bodies.
I am so sorry that you feel this pain, I had an abortion as well (which I don’t regret at all) but I sometimes stop and wonder and get sad so I understand a little how you must feel.
I hope this pain gets better for you one day.
big hugs for you
Thank you all for the hugs and support. It means a lot. 💜
Stephanie, I can’t begin to understand what you went through. However, I am a firm believer in leaving the past in the past, and focusing on the now.
You be happy and enjoy life, we never know how long we have and it’s a waste to spend our time here in regret. Live your life, don’t let one decision stop you from moving forward and having a bright future.
Everyone has regrets about something in their life, but we can’t let that stop us from living and enjoying life.
I like this girl a lot! Everytime I read something about her she always comes up as someone intelligent, articulated, independent and sensitive. I’ m pro-choice and I am disgusted that people still think they have the right to tell her how awful she is going to be just because she considered abortion! I am glad she kept the baby, though, because she seems happy with her choice and because unlike many other celebrities, she seems like she’ s going to raise someone with functioning brain and heart. Good for her!
“When I fell pregnant many lives ago, I was instantly demoted”
How is that legal?!
It was perfectly legal because they didn’t lower my pay while I was pregnant.
It is unfortunately legal. As long as they don’t reduce your pay or change the conditions of your employment. Nowadays, they don’t tell you it’s because you’re pregnant, but I’ve seen many women go through it.
That is so awful! I hate people sometimes!
That’s so shady, though.
Totally legal. It happened to me so I ended up becoming a stay at home mom for three years and then going back to school and totally changing careers. So I can thank those a-holes for changing my life for the better, I guess!
Try to to find a job whilst “big” and pregnant. You will not be hired. I never mentioned being pregnant the first 4 months at a new job. I knew it would cause a problem. It is just the way it is. They see it as hiring someone that they know will have to take off for maternity leave in the near future, and possibly decide not to come back.
She is beautiful.
I don’t have kids and I’ve thankfully never had to make this decision. But I am glad that I do have the choice if it ever arises.
I like that she talked about what a hard decision it is.
I find it ironic that she’s being attacked for merely having considered abortion. Shouldn’t she rather be held up by the “pro-life” forces as an example of exactly what their movement is trying to accomplish–a woman who initially wants an abortion hears about what an abortion involves and decides against it?
Good point – I recall Sarah and Bristol Palin trumpeting their “We chose life!” stuff on magazine covers and being heralded by some for it (all while ignoring the fact that they were able to choose for themselves at all, which is the point of pro-choice).
Robyn seems like a very intelligent and thoughtful person, and I give her a lot of credit for being open about her decision and thought process.
My thoughts exactly. I think sometimes when an issue is so polarizing and people are so vehement in their views, it’s hard for some to be gracious when things actually work in their favor.
I think she was simply honest.
She has valued all her options, to me it’s being responsible: you are going to give life to another human being it’s not an easy choice.
Having said that: this woman is a plus size model ???
A size 12 only because she’s 6’2”. Shrink her down to 5’7” and she’s a size 4 tops.
I’m not bothered about the abortion comments, I’m bothered by the amount of women who think having a child ruins your body. What’s that doing for feminism?
shizwhat: true story…when i was pregnant with my son, i asked the women i worked with what i could look forward to and not look forward to. they were all mothers, ranging from 40’s to 60’s (at that time). every one of them said a variation on this: you can say goodbye to your flat stomach.
i was gobsmacked. truly.
i asked them: that is seriously what motherhood has meant to you? a loss of your pre baby body?
yep. that is all they had to offer.
?????????
personally, when i am asked by new moms or moms to be i tell them that two things struck me most about being a mom: 1) the best and worst decision i have ever made, though i would not give them up for anything. and 2) there will be times you aren’t going to like your baby/kid. and that is ok. (not it is ok to be cruel or anything, but it is ok to FEEL like that…i honestly wish one of the women had told me THAT, because it would have saved a lot of guilt and anguish and self disgust to know that is ok to not worship your kid and/or motherhood 24-7).
I can’t believe no-one warned you k! That must’ve been terrible, thinking that you were the only one, or a bad mum or whatever.
I’m child-free, but when my best friend got pregnant, my mother went out of her way to tell her about the night she’d woken up dad and told him HE had to get up and attend to me because she didn’t trust herself not to do something stupid. My friend said mum was the 4th person to tell her a similar story. Once you know that it’s perfectly normal to feel like that sometimes, and that’s it’s okay to talk about it and demand help, it’s much easier to cope.
It doesn’t have to mean anything. If I didn’t want to have a baby for such a reason that’s my right. Besides as K has noted it’s actually a serious issue for women post-partum, not something to be blithely tossed aside just because it may not matter to you.
I could be wrong but she’s Aussie so I think they mean an Aussie size 12 which is about a US 8 I think? A 12 is slightly below the average woman in Aus I think
Nah, she’s an Aussie 16 (US 12). I’m an Aussie and she’s described as size 16 in our media.
Haha yea I’m Aussie too. I looked up her measurements and there is no way she’s a 16. I wear 14/16 and all her measurements are at least 10cm smaller than mine!
On a completely off topic note–I’m happy to hear that she could conceal her pregnancy (not that she should have to) until 6 months. I’m 6 months now and you can barely tell I’m pregnant, I guess that means I’m not a complete freak!
I also like that it gives me someone to look at for pregnancy fashion (I will spend my whole morning googling her pregnancy pictures) since I have a feeling I will look similar to her as mine gets on. (I’m 6ft tall and size 10-12 in US)
**I have no judgement on the exact topic at hand. She seems happy and at peace with all of her decisions and I am happy for her. Now back to being vain and shopping for all her clothes.
Plenty of women have considered or even gone through an abortion for many different reasons; career/not being ready/too early in their life would probably be one of them. It’s not something needed to be criticized or having a conniption fit over. It’s not an easy choice, either. It’s life, it happens.
And she didn’t go through with it. and still being criticized by some people — i assume pro-lifers. Bizarre. One would think they’d be happy she decided on going through with the pregnancy.
Heaven forbid a woman should speak her mind and bring up fears and worries. I’d been married a month when we found out we were pregnant and it wasn’t planned. He’d just gone back to school and I was supposed to support us during that time. I was terrified and considered abortion, but ultimately felt I wanted to keep the baby, and I’ve never regretted that decision. However, it was MY decision to make and not one I should be judged for. Better we should applaud the Kate Gosselins and Octomoms of the world, who birth kids they have no interest in.
When I found out that I was pregnant when I was 22, my boyfriend then (husband now) told me we should get an abortion. I told him no way and why not. He immediately felt guilty and apologized. It was just his first gut reaction. Our daughter was born with serious medical problems and is now 12 years old confined to a wheelchair, non-verbal. However, I’m still so glad we decided to keep her. We love her so much and she has brought so much joy to our lives. I do believe abortion should be a choice and do not judge those that have them, it just wasn’t right for me.