Yikes, this is a terrible cover! Y’all know I’m a big Mindy Kaling fan, but Good Housekeeping used a cover photo of Mindy where she just looks… exhausted. Like, she needs a giant nap and some soup. What’s weird is that Good Housekeeping released another photo from the shoot, and that photo is perfectly lovely. One nice thing: Mindy’s hair looks really pretty in both photos. As for the interview, Mindy talks about love and romance and whether she will ever marry. She’s 35 and she’s never been married – she’s always said that she’s a one-and-done kind of person, that if and when she marries, she’ll only do it once. Now it sounds like she might not even do it once!
Romance and dating: “If I could relive the first three months of courtship over and over for the rest of my life, I would. Especially in winter. Who doesn’t like a nice heavy seven-course meal with lots of alcohol, then making out when you’re a little tipsy and taking a cab home to fall asleep in the clothes you wore on the date? Wait. Actually that was, like, my whole 20s. And it was very fun.”
She’s not in a rush to marry: “When I was younger, I wanted so badly to be married and have kids in a rush. I loved my parents’ relationship. The way my father was with my mother when she was dying was so moving. It was such devotion. I don’t know that that will happen for me, but I like it.”
She doesn’t need marriage: “I don’t need marriage. I don’t need anyone to take care of all my needs and desires. I can take care of them myself now.”
Her friendship with BJ Novak: “I’m definitely not in the friends-with-my-exes camp. But B.J. has the stamp for life as a friend. My mom loved him. He feels like family.”
Her dream dates for Valentine’s Day: “Obviously Idris Elba, then people who just make me laugh like Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Seth Rogen.”
That’s how we know that Mindy is our spirit animal: she’s obsessed with Idris Elba too. She also name-checks Michael Fassbender regularly in The Mindy Project, because of course she does.
As for the “I don’t need marriage” talk… I find it interesting coming from Mindy specifically. She’s always been so dreamy and romantic and she seems like the kind of woman who has kept a wedding-dream-book since she was 6 years old or something. But I guess people change. I also think that running her show and being the boss has changed her perspective on what she’s capable of and what she can do on her own. Still, it’s sort of depressing when the girly-girl rom-com obsessive is now the jaded pragmatist about love and marriage.
Photos courtesy of Good Housekeeping.
Isn’t that the goal and ultimate sign of maturity-to not need marriage and instead choose it because you want it and it’s right for you? At least that’s what my parents always instilled in us…
Good for her!
Yes somewhat, but I also have had a couple of friends who have said the same thing just in case they ‘end up alone’, it’s almost like a defense mechanism.
That was my sister to a tee. And she said the same thing about having kids. So when she did both within a year my mom was gobsmacked because it went against everything she’d been saying for years.
I think saying that can be both a defense mechanism as well as a sign of maturity. Mindy has a successful career and money of her own. She doesn’t need a man or marriage and she can take care of herself, which puts her in a better position that most of the world’s women who are often forced or pressured to marry for financial stability and to fulfill societal obligations. I do believe that if the right guy comes along, Mindy will want to settle down and have a family. If it doesn’t, it should take away from the wonderful life she has now which is filled with good friends, career success, travel, and financial freedom.
Well said, kibbles.
@Loopy
It is a defense mechanism. it’s easier to say I don’t need to be married than to say, I want to be married but I just can’t find the right guy and is there something wrong with me? Because once you get to be about 35, you have people asking you why you aren’t married, as if there’s something wrong with you if you’re not. so I went through a phase where I tried to make every guy I dated into Mr. Right, because people had made me feel so bad about not being married. So I dated a bunch of aholes, until I finally gave up and said I don’t need to be married. Then I started having decent relationships then, because I wasn’t trying to make every frog into a Prince. I finally got married after encouragement from my now-husband at 37. Once I stopped searching for a husband, I found one.
yeah, it’s a “defence mechanism”, right….Or maybe it’s just the truth lol? NOOO!! because EVERY woman alive NEEDS marriage!!! and if they say they dont, it means they r just putting on the brave face, while dying a little bit inside! Ok then.
ps. I dont mind marriage, but it’s not that great or exciting most of the time. Lets stop making it into some “happy ever after gift of the destiny”
Defense mechanism is the perfect term, and it indeed describes how many women talk about whether or not they want to have children as well. I was trying to figure that out last week with Zooey D.
Also, I don’t think anyone ‘needs’ marriage but nearly everyone benefits from having a loving partner. From this interview, I got that she is not currently in a relationship/in love with someone. I’m sure she would like to be, like anyone else in that situation.
I take her comment as her true feelings. Until/unless she keeps it up, then it sounds more like a defense mechanism. We all know women who won’t shut up about how awesome and free their single life is until they meet a guy who will marry them,then it all goes out the window in a haze of orange blossoms and registries.
@Francesca
Lol! I have met quite a few like that and it’s true how quickly they change their attitude. But to be fair, women should no longer be asked this damned question by anyone.
As long as Mindy doesn’t shade either lifestyle, it doesn’t bother me.
Clearly she doesnt say :”any hypothetic passionate/romantic connection sucks”. She just means that she doesnt feel deprived or incomplete while being single. If she meets someone who is fun and hot and smart and understanding and is in love with her, she might dive into that (why not), and that would not contradict her present words at all.
Yep, whenever a rich, well educated, successful woman says that marriage isn’t her first concern, my immediate thought is “defense mechanism.” I mean, how could a woman with a fulfilling career and close family truly feel complete without a ring on her finger? I mean screw love, partnership, and all that, just marry the first man who will have you so you won’t have to worry about all the gossip calling you unfulfilled without man (Heck, it’s actually a song from the Music Man, so it must be true that a woman’s nuthin’ without a husband).
Love this comment! Mindy is my adorable little spirit animal/best friend I’ve never met so I’d love for her to find a good man that makes her happy. She needs to blaze the trail for the rest of us snarky single gals and report back bc you know it’ll be hilarious.
Recognizing you don’t NEED something and not wanting it at all are 2 different things. If the right one came along I’m sure she’d be happy to be swept off her feet, but she’s not going to settle simply because she needs someone to take care of her.
I like that, really. She likely won’t settle because she’s not in a rush for a wedding or a husband. She’d probably be quite happy to find the right person, but she’s not trolling around for someone to fill a spot.
Shes found the right person. His name is BJ Novak. Get your act together cupid and make this happen already!
Also am I the only one who feels like her relationship with BJ was the basis of the first two seasons of the Mindy Project? Acrimonious friends, rubbing each other off the wrong way even though theres a chemistry there (both BJ and Mindy said they fight alot)? Yes. I’m right. I must be right.
Ugh, I agree Brandii. It’s a weird situation for them. They’ve both said how important they were to each other, and how nobody could tell if they were dating or not. I feel like they were Kelly/Ryan and Mindy/Danny all rolled into one.
I’d love to see this happen. It’s one of the only relationships that I have any emotional need to see happen haha. It’s awful, but it’s kind of true. Though, as long as they’re always good to each other and if they both find super fantastic other people, I’d be happy.
I just partially hold onto the hope that one day they’re going to be like “Sooo we got married”
Yeah, that’s what I got from her quote too. Plus, she said she only wants to marry the right person once, which in this day and age, probably means waiting for some time.
@Lucy2, I agree–I think Mindy has described herself as being in a really emotionally healthy place. I am not reading “jaded” at all in anything she said. The tiny littlest bit where she’s off is when she equates marriage with having someone “take care of all her needs and desires.” Married people can remain individuals with agency and not rely on their partners to meet their every need in order to be happy.
I don’t know how any married person could say that their partner takes care of “all” of their needs and desires! How could anyone expect that or expect to be able to provide that for someone else? Surely each of us have unmet desires, at least. And we need friends, family, for things too. This hyper self-reliance is not healthy although kind of typically American. Strange comment from Mindy.
She said she didn’t need someone to take care of her so she doesn’t need marriage. But she did not say she does not want to get married. Only time will tell.
But I can see people turning around and attacking her if in 3 years time she does get married. People will say oh but back in 2015 she did an interview that said she did not need marriage that she could take care of all of her needs. What a hypocrite!
Mindy I say: Stay Mindy.
I don’t think she’s jaded, I think she speaks like a romantic still, like a person that saw something magical between her parents, wants the same thing, looks around and doesn’t see it. Maybe in a few years she’ll find it but for now…this is the spin. She speaks from the side she is on right now.
And you know what? The probability to find love these days, especially that kind of Magical Love, is terribly low. These are the days of first-date sex, thigh gaps, three way or four way sex, open relationships, online dating, public talks about the mechanism of farting, etc.
It’s an OK world, but there’s no Magic in it and she makes a lovely contribution through her show.
Agreed.
Precisely on point, als!
Once she saw the type of love and devotion her parents had for each other, it’s really rare to find that same thing ‘out there in the streets.’
There’s no more hustling, there’s no more decisiveness, and commitment. It’s all about that v-cut pelvises, back dimples, ‘hired help’ boyfriends/girlfriends, Married-but-available’s, anime spouses, 2.0 relationships… the works. All for the price of 5 monthly installments of 29.99..
I’m just saying I understand if she feels like she may not be getting the kinda golden goose her parents got with each other.
Women… we need to be real. If Mindy is getting real, we need to get real about 2015 love.
personally, I think the probability to find “Magical” love, whatever that means, was always low. It’s just that in older times expectations were lower, people were more patient with each other and pragmatic about marriage. And in my experience, I have had actually romantic first date sex, not once! Romantic is not about “good old times”, it’s about BEING a romantic person and appreciating yourself and other people.
If her father is anything like my indian parents, he’s probably pestering her everyday about marriage lol. But her parents always seemed cool – supporting her in a career most Indian Americans don’t choose.
I gave up on TMP this season but I’m happy about her success and her independence.
Why did you give it up? I think this has been her strongest season.
Honestly didn’t have anything to do with the quality of the show, though I do think there were some obvious issues. I just had to reassess if I wanted to keep up with a weekly show and deleted everything off my DVR. The only thing I’m watching now is Parks and Rec and mostly because it’s the final season.
I think she looks lovely on the cover. And I know what she means about loving the initial stages of a relationship. When you’re in a long term relationship it can be hard to accept that you’ll never get that initial heady rush back, as much as other stuff like stability or commitment can make up for it.
So true. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, and we do try to keep it fresh, but as you said, that rush..ugh so, so good. Why didn’t we bottle it and save some for later!
I really respect Mindy. Funny, though, her comment about dating struck me as odd. She likes the initial stages and would be happy keeping it that way. Now, me — I would want my dates to gradually progress into relationships. So this seemed a bit, I dunno — like she never progressed past a certain level, emotionally. Saddies. 🙁
I didn’t find it depressing at all! I am extremely happy being married but I was also extremely happy single (or dating, or co-habiting, or any of the states I lived in before I got married). I didn’t ever *need* marriage either. It’s a super-cool thing now I’ve got it, but I’m pretty sure I’d have been finer than fine without it.
Mind you, I was never a girly-girl, or had fantasies about my wedding dress, or an image of my own personal Mr Darcy (I had fantasies but they were considerably more down and dirty than everlasting love, I’m afraid), or anything like that. Perhaps I’m not the right person to comment on Mindy’s murderising of romantic ideals!
Exactly. I mean, I’m a bit ‘weird’ because I married the guy I started dating in ninth grade. But I was never the kind of person who dreamed of their wedding, or their dress, or marrying the princely character in the fairy tale, or the hero of the movie. I actually always was much quicker to swoon over the quirky guy who was the funny friend, or the guy who was a bit rough around the edges but super smart when it came to movies, books and television. I didn’t want prince charming. I wanted prince charming’s fun, lovable, somewhat trouble finding friend. All of my crushes save for one, were on the ‘class clown’ type of guy.
And then I ended up marrying the sweet guy, who I adore, but who still always manages to make me laugh even when his jokes aren’t funny, or he feels the need to explain them. The one thing I had said as a kid was that I wasn’t going to ever marry a plumber because they were gross and worked with toilets and poop all day. And every tv show or movie used a really heavy set, hairy man with his butt hanging out of his jeans to portray one. And here I am, married to a plumber who has to crawl into crawl spaces, and fix clogged toilets, and work with septic systems. But he’s also not hairy and round and gross, though his butt will occasionally hang out of his pants.
I just always found it so weird. I was in elementary school when Titanic came out, and all of my friends were always swooning away over Leo. And I remember one of my favorite teachers joking around with us on a stormy recess when we were stuck inside, and the girls were talking about Leo and she’s like “Erinn you don’t like him?” and I’m just like “Not really. He’s too pretty and boring” and she just lit right up and was like “good girl” when my friends weren’t listening. I always found that amusing – especially given what Leo turned into.
At the end of the day, had I not decided to marry my husband, I’d probably have moved away, possibly to the US, or some other province, or heck, even the UK and tried to find something that was just super different. I think I’d have been a lot different – not necessarily ‘better’ or ‘happier’ but likely, just as content as I am now, because marriage and settling down was never something I had romanticized so much..
Lol, Erinn. I honestly liked Kate Winslet’s boobs better than the freaking movie. I never thought Leo was attractive up until I saw him in “Inception”….and I only find him attractive when he’s working, because that’s when he gets in shape/stops with all of the drinking. And even then….he seems like a major doucheface.
And I hear you about marriage. Like right now I’m planning for kids in 5 to 10 years (most likely 10, lol)..and I want to adopt kids. I am not planning on getting pregnant OR getting married/dating. I don’t really feel the need to date, have never really dated–which is probably why I don’t feel like I’m missing anything, lol. But it would be nice if it happened. I don’t know. I always found it funny that I LOVE romantic books and movies, but never wanted to be in a relationship.
I guess I kind of shrug and don’t get offended when people are asked about marriage and kids because I was never raised to think that that’s the most important thing for a woman. I was only ever taught to be able to take care of all of your kids by yourself, because 9/10 times, when a guy leaves, he doesn’t take the kids with him (which is what happened to my mom twice)…..so I never got the fuss.
Lol, right? I had a slight Leo awakening with Inception. But I was still pretty distracted by JGL – but I could GET the Leo thing with that movie.
We plan on having kids when he has his journeyman license – if we have them. But at the same time – neither of us feels a desperate NEED to have a child. It’s something we both want, but we still might only have one, if we have them. I want to be right around 30 if possible, which is actually how old my mom was when she had me. So I don’t feel a giant rush or anything. There are days where I get a pang looking at my fb feed…sometimes I really would like a baby. But I don’t want to make any decisions like that until I KNOW I’m ready and as financially okay to do it as possible. If I find out I can’t conceive, and really really want a child – we’re going to look into adoption as a possibility.
And really -that’s a safe outlook. Be able to take care of anything on your own without depending on someone else. If you have the help from someone else it’s fantastic, but you don’t want to rely on that just in case. That’s one thing dad always pushed to – make sure I can take care of myself financially and if you can split stuff evenly with someone that’s fantastic. If not, you can still take care of your own expenses if something goes south.
Funny, Sixer, because I always dreamed of my wedding and didn’t feel like my life would officially “start” until I was married. Then I found Handsome, Smart, Successful seeming Mr. Right and I was SO determined that this was the Big Moment that I ignored Liar and Douche. And I had my big wedding complete with 9 bridesmaids with pink dresses and butt bows, and the marriage was a total disaster. THEN I realized I didn’t even know who I was, so I went out and made a nice life for myself and had something to give in return. And that’s when I found someone who gets me and sees me, flaws and all, and still loves me. So I think she’s in a good place. If it happens, great, if not, great, too.
Awww, GNAT. Sadly, dreams don’t always come true at the first time of trying, do they? But I’m glad they did for you in the end.
Thanks for sharing your story and happy ending, GNAT! 🙂
Obviously Idris Elba … Of course! I second that motion 🙂
I don’t think she sounds jaded just someone who still loves the romance and rom-com but also realises that it’s not reality and chasing it doesn’t mean you should settle for someone less than you deserve and good for her on that.
To be honest, and I say that as someone who adores her husband and I love when he does things for me but I am also so protective of my own life and independence, so I get what she’s saying. Needing and wanting are two very different things.
Yes Lindy! Being single isn’t society’s way of putting you in solitary confinement until the eharmony guy comes to let you out of your cell until you are paired with “the one”. There are so many avenues for women now. Why not thrive in a career, have an awesome hobby, be involved with friends and the life in your city. And while having that awesome life, you might meet a guy. And it might lead to marriage. If it does, he will be grateful you had a full life because you bring more to the table as a partner.
Why are these statements on marriage by female celebrities always written as though some irrevocable choice has been made?
Her character in The Mindy Project has said multiple times to Danny that she wants him to be with her but she doesn’t need him. It seems like one of those times when the author speaks through her character and it could be applied to her present views on marriage. The fact that she realized she doesn’t need a husband, doesn’t necessarily mean that she won’t want one some day.
She will remain single, not wanting to get married and loving single life until she meets someone special. Marriage is about mutual love,respect, commitment and companionship, hope it will happen her soon, may be her dad can “arrange” her with a south Indian guy who looks just like Idris Elba ! 😀
Sorry she lost her mom.
Aw, I think she looks beautiful on the cover. And I loved her response. Marriage or not, most people just want a companion who will be loving and supportive. You don’t need a ring for that.
But that’s the glorious thing about being a modern woman, we can choose to say yes to marriage because we WANT to, not because we have some obligation or have to give some man our dowry. I think one can be both practical and romantic. Good for her that she’s an independent person. Everyone deserves their own sort of happiness.
Thank you for covering Mindy. More, please.
She isn’t desperate for a wedding or a husband; she isn’t desperate to be married to someone; she’s okay with who she is and where she is and if she finds the right man, she’s open to marriage and babies then. It’s a great attitude. I like that she isn’t coming out strong one way or the other and knocking choices, so that way she’ll never have to back-track on her statements if her position ever changes. Unlike quite a few other high-profile people.
I like that this is on a minvan type of cover. I like being married and having kids, but it isn’t for everyone and it shouldn’t be shoved at people as a whole. It doesn’t mean anything if you’re not in a serious relationship or married by a certain age or whatever. My middle school aged kid is always coming home with stories about the romantic lives of schoolmates and I’m like, really? I tell her it’s cool that she likes a boy, but don’t make it the center of her life, and she doesn’t seem to. She has art, writing, her sports, her friends; that’s her center, or at least I try to encourage that and she seems to listen. No one should obsess on relationships or needing to be married at 30 or whatever. And it starts so damn young.
I love her so much!! And that second photo is absolutely beautiful. As for her take on marriage – I think it’s a healthy approach (of course, I’m divorced, so I’m cynical). And how much would I love to go on a date with her and Idris!
Yayy Mindy!! I don’t think she sounds jaded at all, but the opposite!!
Good girl! Not sure why women even want to get married. Most married women seem to be absolutely miserable! I
I agree. I personally don’t know of any happy married couples….I’m sure there are some out there…but to be honest every one who is married tells me how lucky I am to be single and free lol. They make it sound like marriage is torture.
I mean, what is she supposed to say and not sound pathetic? “Umm yeah I’m just waiting to get married LOL hope it happens soon!”
It’s good that she doesn’t need anyone to take care of her, but marriage is so much more than that. It’s about an equal relationship, bringing joy and happiness to life and each other. If her view of marriage was always “someone to take care of me” then of COURSE now that sh is older and rich and famous she doesn’t “need” it, but maybe she will get married just because she wants too?
Also, if you had the luck to grow up in a home with parents who were in love with each other it must be SO HARD to try and never get find that same thing with guys. My parents divorced, but I never had to compare, but I also never saw what a good marriage was.
I still think she wants to find true love and have kids. Good for her for not settling though. Maybe her and BJ will get together again in 5 years 🙂
“I don’t need marriage. I don’t need anyone to take care of all my needs and desires. I can take care of them myself now.”
When you get to that point, everything changes. It’s an incredible relief to not “need” someone all the time, to be okay with your own company.
It’s crucial. Then, if someone does come along, and they are adding to your happiness, you might decide to keep them. You don’t keep them because they are filling a hole. And if they don’t come along, that’s fine, too. You have a nice life.
Exactly. I’ve been in a relationship for five years (and we moved in after seven months!) yet I feel more independent than I’ve ever felt in my life. We grew and matured together (met in college, now work from home in our dream jobs). Neither of us want to get married or combine our assets, because we like it better when our love is the only force keeping us together… and that’s fine. We have consistently made our own career and life choices; they just happen to align every time.
It does feel hypocritical to call myself independent or applaud myself for resisting the temptation to go the traditional route, though. We’re pretty much married as it is. But you can definitely be married (or basically married) without tying your identity to another person.
I’m sure there are plenty of gorgeous men who would LOVE to let her do her thing, though, and not try to fill a void or rein her in. Hell, I want to marry her.
Sounds like you found a winner and a good system that works for you. That’s so nice, and I’m happy for you!
I had no idea she lost her mom; I guess I really need to buy that book. She’s such a strong person — not just a strong woman, but a strong person in general — and I’m so glad her show is still thriving. If anything it’s getting better and more complex, and I love it. She’s like the anti-Carrie Bradshaw, which proves you don’t have to be dumb or vapid or arrogant to love fashion and embrace your femininity. She’s such a swirl of nuances, and I love her for it.
The cover photo looks like a very pretty lady… Just not Mindy Kaling. The second photo is totally gorge, wonder why they didn’t use that. Love love love her, love her show, love her interviews, didn’t know she had a book but will obviously now buy it immediately.
35?!? C’mon girlfriend. Most women have had their first divorce by your age. Marry early and often.
Lol
I’ll buy this.
Until she finds a man, gets married and then starts talking about how she never felt complete until now.
I love Mindy …. I wasn’t sure about her at first but after watching the Mindy Project & reading her book I am smitten. She’s awesome! #iseveryonehangingoutwithoutme?
No one NEEDS marriage.
She was fabulous on The Office, but I just can’t with her show. It’s like she’s writing wish fulfillment fan fiction about herself. It’s cringingly embarrassing to watch. Poor Chris Messina. He always gets cast as the love interest to underwhelming leads, by said leads (/sideye Jennifer Westfeldt in Ira & Abby).
It doesn’t make you “jaded” because you don’t feel like ever getting married. I call it “being smart” !