You may know Sophie B. Hawkins from her early 90s hits “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover,” and “As I Lay Me Down.” Hawkins has come out with five studio albums total, most recently in 2012, although she’s never achieved the same level of success of her first and second releases. (Also, she had an awesome guest appearance on Community in 2013. Community is back on Yahoo! Screen on March 17. Thanks CM!)
Hawkins recently announced that she’s pregnant as a single lady at the age of 50. This will be her second child, she is also mom to a six year-old son named Dashiell. While it may sound incredibly risky to be pregnant at the age of 50, Hawkins is pregnant from one of the embryos she had frozen from nearly 20 years ago. It sounds like doctors gave her the go-ahead given the circumstances. Hawkins tells People that she’s not too worried about being an older lady raising children alone because she has a great support network and she feels healthy.
“I found Dashiell [6] really needs a sibling,” Hawkins tells PEOPLE of her decision to have another child. “My son has one parent who’s 50. I want him to have a family of young people too!”
Before becoming pregnant, Hawkins faced fears because of her age and the fact that she is newly single.
“I went through waking up crying and saying, ‘Am I too old? Will I suddenly at 51 have my knees give out?’” she admits. “Now I don’t have any of those fears because I feel healthy and strong. I’m also setting up a good net of support, and that’s the key to anybody having a child.”
Hawkins says her age was not a concern for doctors because she had frozen embryos at the age of 31, was in good physical health and had a healthy first child.
“For me, the main decision was emotional,” she says. “I’ve been wanting to have a child since Dashiell was 1, but I was working too much and there was a lot going on in my relationship.”
The “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” singer, who identifies as omnisexual, says now she is more than ready to raise a baby alone.
“I interviewed a lot of divorced women and they said, ‘It’s so much easier to do it alone. You don’t have the pressure or the criticism or judgment of someone else.’ Of course then you ask, ‘Will I miss the emotional support?’ Well, to tell you the truth, I’m getting that more from my friends than I ever got in a relationship.”
I was trying to figure out if any celebrities have carried their own babies post 50, and I don’t think they have. The closest is Gina Davis, who had twins at 48. (Incidentally she also had a daughter when she was 46.) My grandmother had a child naturally in her 40s. I know it’s not something I would choose for myself, I’m just north of 40 and I wouldn’t want to go through all the work and stress of raising another child.
Hawkins also told People that she’s in her second trimester and sometimes forgets that she’s pregnant. She said “I still exercise the same, work the same, do everything the same.” As part of a Valentine’s romantic songs feature, Vogue has a new video of Hawkins performing “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” live. She calls it “one of my favorite songs that never gets old.”
Here’s a photo of Hawkins’s son, Dashiell, from her Twitter:
Making Valentines pic.twitter.com/mXLRbkX6Vs
— Sophie B. Hawkins (@therealsophieb) February 11, 2015
Sophie is shown performing (color photos) in January, 2014. She has her shirt open because she’s performing with a band called The Skivvies. Credit: WENN.com
Ah, I love her! Sophie B. Hawkins is really cool and I love “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover.” I lived in Spain when that one came out and I remember walking all over this city and listening to it and feeling FIERCE.
As to being pregnant at fifty…eh. If anyone can rock it, she can. And it’s funny and makes me think–imagine someone like Madonna pregnant at fifty? Oof. Some folks focus on the botox and the butt lifts and that’s what they’ve got. Sophie’s a little on the weird side (and there’s nothing wrong with that) and I doubt she cares if her body is shredded by late-age motherhood. She’s got it going on inside, in spirit and in intellect and creativity, and that’s what counts.
Mazel tov, Sophie B!
Love her too!
It’s defibitely not for me, but my aunt had both of her children in her 50s. She conceived naturally and has 2 nearly grown kids that are perfectly healthy, mentally and physically. It can happen.
Now that I’m nearly 50…there is no way I’ll fertilize the “last chance corral” I call my womb. The three limping ovaries wouldn’t make the fastest cowgirls anyway.
No one knows the capability of older women to conceive naturally because they are almost always with men their own age or older who are significantly less fertile than their younger counterparts. Studies on age and male fertility have really just begun and they’ve found women under 25 usually take forever to get pregnant when paired with men 40+. If their partner is 45 it will usually take 2 years. By 50 it’s 3 years. Women in their late 30s are twice as likely to conceive if their partner is under 40 vs 40 and over. Their odds are better with men under 35 than men in their late 30s. 35 year olds usually take 5x times longer to conceive if their partner is 45 vs 25.
My great grandmother had her last child at fifty years old. Conceived naturally, obviously since there were no other options back then. Don’t think it was planned though, she just fell pregnant.
Really? I thought it was pretty much impossible for a woman to conceive naturally after 45. Thats what they keep telling you anyway.
My OBGYN told me that the highest numbers of unplanned pregnancies occur in teenage girls and women older than 40. So a 50-something getting pregnant is out there, but (clearly as your great granny illustrates) possible.
Nope it can happen I know someone who had 2 kids in university she was planning on travelling living her 2nd life then … BAM, she was 51/52. Even with IVF after a certain age chances are v slim 4-5%.
My doctor always told me that unless you’ve gone through menopause, stay on birth control unless you want a baby, regardless of your age. It;s unusual to naturally conceive later in life, but not impossible.
I couldnt even imagine being pregnant in my 50s. I have no interest in sex and my hormones are all over the place. The hot flashes are unbearable at times. Lucky for me I think I’m at the end of menopause. I wish her luck. I’m still debating if I want to see 50 shades. LOL
First time wanna be moms have it tougher. I have given up hope already at 44.
Not true. I’m 46 and I haven’t gone into menopause or peri-menopause yet. I still have regular menstrual cycles and can get pregnant if I wanted to. We chose to have my husband have a vasectomy rather than me stay on birth control. My mother had my youngest brother when she was 42. She had to have alot of tests to see if he was okay in there. She’s lucky he was. I have a friend who got pregnant easily at 44 and her son has Down’s Syndrome.
Personally I would never have a child past the age of 40 (cause it would hurt to birth a 40+ year child – I kid you). But seriously, I don’t think it’s fair to bring people into the world knowing you can’t be there for them for very long. Hawkins is 50 and she’ll be lucky to see this new child even graduate from college – assuming. It’s just too soon to be leavign your kids. They need their parents well into adulthood – that’s when they really listen to you and crave advice. I wasn’t close to my parents growing up. I was very close to my grandparents as they were my source of security and stability. When they passed, I felt so abandoned and lonely. Grown kids need more than just siblings. They need mentoring – adult guidance.
Nope, not impossible. First-time mom here: pregnant (unassisted) at 45, delivered at 46. I joke that he was my last egg.
FWIW, my own father died at 47 when I was 12, so “knowing you can’t be there for them for very long” applies to everyone. Unless you have some guarantees the rest of us are not aware of.
Hi there, Nyer. The same thing has occurred in my family – my dad was 43 when he died, leaving 5 children aged 2 -15. My seemingly fit and healthy brother died from a massive heart attack at age 37, leaving two boys, 12 and 13. My own hubby died, too, although he was quite a bit older than me, leaving me to raise 3 kids with no help, although I’m not complaining. In the last 18 months, two of my good friends lost their husbands, one aged 42 from a very aggressive form of kidney cancer – leaving 4 girls aged 4 – 12; and the other a 40 year old (from a head injury after a fall), leaving two girls aged 6 and 8. So, so sad.
There simply are no guarantees for anyone.
Mine, too! My Great Grandmother was 50 when my grandmother was born, my grandmother was 40 when my mother was born and then BAM. My mother and I are both early onset menopausers – weird, right?
I had gone to a clinic to inquire about freezing my eggs. In their office they had seen a woman pregnant naturally at 49 with twins and several women in their 40’s who came in with flu-like symptoms (the nausea and throwing up is a good sign you are pregnant, to me at least:)) who ended up being pregnant. As mentioned above, a lot of women go off of birth control in their 40’s and in my doctor’s office alone there are several examples of late pregnancies. I live in a large metropolitan area of 2+ million people so hearing about some instances like that does not surprise me.
I just want to add that being in my mid-40’s and not on anything (husband had a vasectomy) has been one of the most liberating times of my life. I adore not being on any brith control and still being very much fertile, feminine and sexual. I don’t think we women realize what birth control (any form of it) does to our bodies because we’re use to it and it happens subtly and gradually. Once I had the Mirana removed (which I really liked and was very satisfied with), I had more energy, I slept better, I was sexually ravenous and just felt awesome which was odd because I’d never felt bad before that. Hormones and chemicals do affect us in ways we aren’t keen to until they’re out of our system. So, I hope you all look forward to your 40s…. and still being hot! Do not listen to the nay-sayers. I love this age.
I wish I could talk my husband into a vasectomy. I think it would be a lot easier than me getting my tubes tied. But he says, no, stay on birth control. but i’m 39 and tired of being on birth control. When i was 37, I had a consult about getting my tubes tied but they gave me such a hard time about it, I decided to wait. I don’t have any kids so the doc was like, are you sure you won’t change your mind? I’m on Depo Provera, to be honest, I’m really happy with it. But I would like a break from birth control. I’ve been on it for years so if I decided I wanted to get pregnant, it would take a while. Last time I went off it, it was almost a year before I got my period back. I’ve always been on the fence about having kids. I guess I have to make a decision soon. Kids are cute but I just don’t know that I want the responsibility. My husband says he’s okay with us not having kids (he’s got two), I just have to decide for myself what I want to do.
Maybe your doctor could talk your husband into having a vasectomy assuming, of course, you’re sure about not having kids. The reason it would be better for your husband to have a vasectomy rather than you have your tubes tied is because the vasectomy is much less invasive than it is for a woman to have her tubes tied. I was told that having my tubes tied could create “changes” for me – not always, but sometimes. The vasectomy is merely a snip and a cautorizing. There are no chagnes for men – even though you hear some men say they lost their libido or had other difficulties in bed – doc said it’s in their head. There are no chemical or hormonal changes that happen to men when they have a vasectomy. My husband jumped at it. He said he wanted me just the way I am and did not want to risk any changes to me (loved that he said that BTW! Major brownie points). I could have just stayed on birth control but we’re not suppose to be on for years on end. Alot of us do it but it’s not healthy. Good luck to you.
My husband’s mother had him after 40 so he thinks it’s pretty much the norm. But no way for me am I squirting out a tot at this age! I can’t imagine being in my 60s when the kiddo hits his 20s. Or potentially getting feeble and needy just as they hit their professional and personal stride in their 30s/40s. Just couldn’t do it. Now… if I had a bunch of money and lots of helper bees… maybe.
I’ve asked more than one doctor about a withering sex drive and all of them have said that it was more than likely due to my bc pill (even the lowest dose hormone affects a tiny woman like me). I also read that it can shrink the clitoris! It’s just bad juju all around. If you can avoid it do! I may need to go back on it because it seems to be the only thing that prevents ovarian cysts for me other than fasting until I’m under weight and no longer menstruating at all (not good either)…
I would LOVE to not be on birth control anymore but without it my periods are a nightmare. The mirena is good but it has definitely decreased my libido and I still get PMS pain like I did when not using anything. Ideally I’d get a hysterectomy but no doctor will do it because I haven’t had kids. *sigh*
Oh no, you mean we have to hear more possibly preggo stories from JA for another 5 years!
HA!
🙂
My grandma was 48 when she had my mom – naturally conceived obvs. Very possible to still have kids in your late 40s/50.
@Snowflake have you thought of an IUD? It hurt when I had it put in and I felt bloated for about a week, after that nothing at all. They last several years. I want to ride mine out until menopause.
My aunt had her last two children in her 50’s, naturally. Very fertile family.
My sister was thinking of having a baby naturally at 47 but then changed her mind. Decided no way.
Wasn’t everyone in the press praising Halle and calling her Superwoman for being pregnant at 48, I don’t see a big difference between 48 & 50.
Good luck to her, if this is what she wants.
Community is coming to Yahoo Screen on March 17th!! (Massive Community fan here!).
And also: good for Sophie B Hawkins
Oh thank you I should have looked it up! I swear I looked it up last week and it wasn’t announced yet. I will update!
🙂
I love Community! We just got all 5 seasons on Netflix UK and, so weirdly, I actually watched the Sophie B. Hawkins episode last night.
I love that song!
Wow, I can’t imagine for myself, but it sounds like everything is going well for her and this is what she really wants, so congrats and best wishes to her!
Now this should be interesting. I wonder if she’ll get the same type of backlash and snippy comments from women that Kim Fields did? And Kim was still in her 40’s.
Not for me, but congratulations! Her kid looks sweet.
I’m happy for her.
And I’m also happy for the hairy half naked man behind her in the live shot, he looks like is having a great time…
Done it alone and done it partnered. Both have good and bad points. The biggest plus to doing it alone, for me, was not feeling alone whilst actually in a relationship. At least when I was alone I could pretend it would be different if I had someone. But having someone there who is just as excited as you are by a first poop is pretty great.
Yes, I thought her blanket remark that it was “so much easier alone” was silly. It’s probably easier alone than within a bad marriage, but I doubt it’s easier than within a good marriage. To share that with someone as excited as you are must be truly special. I’m glad you had that.
Real question- what is omnisexual? Wouldn’t that be bisexual? Good for her though!
Puzzled me too. Here is the link which explains it or NOT.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality
I had to look that up. Apparently they’re just attracted to anyone regardless of gender or sexuality. Man, woman, gay, lesbian, transsexual.
Right. I have a guy friend who’s pansexual and that’s how he explained it to me.
Omnisexual? Is that like sex with anything? I don’t get it. 😁. My gramma had 14 kids and her last 3 she was in her 40s. I had my son at 38 (I’m a one-hit wonder) and the father is not in the pictur except when he sees him at holidays but no support in anyway, I have a lot of support, love, and help he a fantastic kid!
LOL@ one-hit wonder. I’m on the one per lifetime plan.
Whoa! That’s a doozy to get pregnant at 50 but I read in news last year that one 70 yr old woman in India got pregnant and had a girl too through IVF!
Good luck to anybody who is brave enough to get pregnant after the age of 45. I just want my kids out of my house soon, I had them in my mid and late 20s. I am exhausted already! Haha…
Weird, but Wikipedia lists her age as 47…
Hi CB,
I think that Geena Davis’ name is misspelled. Also, I think that Adrienne Barbeau was 51 when she gave birth two twins.
Kudos to her. Sure wouldn’t be for me! Hope her and baby to be will be fine as pregnancy progresses.
Unless an angel comes down to tell me some news, this is not happening in my 50s…
^snort
I’m 50. I can see having a kid, and her current one is adorable.
However, 50 is when your friends start dying. You pass it off as people dying ridiculously young for awhile, but then you realize that 50 is when the problems start. Doctor gets concerned about weird mammogram, all of a sudden somebody is taking a second look at some sort of polyp, etc.
Personally, I could never take the increased chance that my kid would end up without me at a very young age, and with no dad around, it scares me even more. Support systems are great, but they aren’t mom and dad when you’re 10.
True. And, not to be negative, but I’m 58 now, and see a huge increase in aches and pains and lack of stamina from when I was 50. It turns into a real fight for your healthy self in your 50s. I can’t imagine having a young child at my age, but everybody’s different.
That was very well stated, RobN. I didn’t want to comment, but your last paragraph made me so sad for a second there because it’s so true. I do hope her children never have to go through that. I know death can come at any age, but…
I’m not 50, but I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now. I have teenagers and am looking forward to having my life back. I probably sound selfish, but having a child at 50 is as appealing as putting my head in the oven.
I agree. She’ll be almost 80 when this child graduates high school. I hope Sophie stays healthy and will be with her kids for a longtime
You think her child will be nearly 30 years old when he or she graduates from high school?!
Well…she’ll be 68. Not quite 80.
Your math is off. Unless the kid will be graduating when age 29-30.
Is her kid going to be really stupid?
That’s the reason why for me personally this would never be an option. My parents had us (sis is 2 years younger) when they were considered almost ancient (mid-30’s and mid-40’s) but that was the 80’s. These days mid-30’s is perfectly normal of course. But now that my sister and I are finally out of uni with good jobs and have only really been independent for a handful of years, my father is 76 years old. My parents’ friends and families (sis and I are by far the youngest in the family, some cousins are over 50) have started to die. It sounds awful but all you hear is hospital stories and tales of illness and funerals.
Having a child at 50 is – to me – a bad idea. As bad as having one at 15. Yes, it CAN work out great but man, it’s so selfish. And that goes for men too. All these dudes in their 60’s having another round of kids with wife no. 2 or 3 … I’m not into it. Call me judgmental but just because you can do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
If she has frosen embrios then it’s not likely to have baby with genetic defects. It’s different matter however how her 50-years-old body will manage with all changes that come with the pregnancy.I wish her luck with it. I had my second one with 38 and I wouldn’t want to have it with 40. My children are healthy and I rarely have sleepless nights due to colds or teething but seriously even these few night are energy draining in my early 40s.
As for rearing being easy on your own…thre’s an interesting book by Melanie Mühl called “The Patchwork Lüge ” it’s about divorced parents and the effect on children. .
I know that being single mom from the very begining is different but both parents have roles and interractions that form their children, insert views, believes, fobias, opinion on other sex and so on that are difficult if not imposible to be covered on your own.
Anyway that’s my personal opinion.
@micki
You raise an interesting point. I know that I COULD have raised my sons on my own (although, man, it would have been even more exhausting), but their relationships with their father are so special and so remarkably different from their relationships with me that I know he adds an important invaluable dimension to their lives. They are lucky.
You know I found it fascinating to read that the first man one girl flirts with is…her father. >His reactions and his relationship with the mother determine for years(or for life) how his daughter sees men/relationship. So many everyday things we don’t even notice as such determine the attitude our children have towards life.
The mother on the other hand has similar role for the boys. From how she cooks (“noone does this better than mom”) to the way she decorates the house-it forms the “norm”. Some pediatricians say children tend to gravitate towards partners with similar background.
I think it’s very difficult for a singe person to be perfect on BOTH fronts. You simply don’t have that much energy. Not in the long run.
My friend´s parents were super happy when both children finally went to university. They were mid/end40 and felt free. So they went on a long 2nd honeymoon celebrating their “childfree new life”. And what happens? Pregnant one month later! The little boy is now 10 and they still laugh when they tell this story 🙂
Oh my. Surprise! 🙂
Well, men have kids all the time at that age and older, so I don’t see why she should get criticized. Congrats to Sophie!
Absolutely! My childhood sweetheart and I are still good friends. He has a much younger wife who just had their baby a year ago. And he has grown children from a prior marriage. It happens and no one really blinks an eye.
I’m not keen on men having children when they’re very old either (not my choice and I won’t be hateful about it, but it’s not my cuppa). Having said that, you just mentioned one reason they’re not criticized as much – it tends to be a much younger wife who has the child, not a fellow 50, 60, 70… year old. So God forbid something happens to the older parent, there’s a greater chance that the younger parent will still be around.
Also, carrying a child is difficult on the body (no matter the age) but as you get older, there are more risks. An older father doesn’t have to worry about that – he’s not carrying the baby.
I’m not criticizing her, but I was a bit shocked when I read the article. I do wish her and the baby the best though.
I Love Love Love Her… But Perish The F*cking Thought I SHUDDER to think me taking this Paragard 10 years down the road, Eagerly awaiting menopause and the proverbial clearing of my living room so to speak and *BLAMMO!* ” a Baby is in there Lady!”.. I.would.kill.a.herd.of.baby.goats.barehanded
..But it wasn’t an OOPS baby and stuff so Good for her
It was very smart of her to keep that embryo frozen for almost 20 years! As someone who has dealt with IVF and infertility–luckily I have a daughter and another one on the way in a couple weeks–I cannot tell you how many people are in their 40s and absolutely struggling to have children. The stats are real, and although pregnancy in your 40s is possible, it simply isn’t common.
I think this is awesome!
I just this doesn’t make the general population of women think they can freeze their eggs at 30 and get pregnant at 50. This is very unusual.
It’s helpful if people understand the distinction between freezing embryos and freezing eggs. Frozen embryo transfers often work (“often” meaning success rates comparable to a transfer after a fresh IVF cycle); previously frozen unfertilized eggs result in pregnancy much less often.
I like the name Dashiell.
My former sister in law had both of her babies late. She was in her forties with both of them. I remember how surprised everyone was when she announced she was pregnant because everyone assumed she just didn’t want children. Both of her pregnancies were fine. Whereas I had my lil man at 32 and had so many issues that I was too high of risk to have any more children. I admire that Sophie can have another child. Even at my age of 45 I still think about it. I wish I could give my lil man a sibling sometimes. But then I remember how challenging it was when my son was going through potty training and the terrible twos and I had help from my mother and my child’s father. More power to Sophie for doing it on her own. I’ve always loved her hit song too. She seems like a cool chick. I can’t help but be curious about how the father of her frozen embryo would factor into all of this? If at all.
Adrienne Barbeau comes to mind. She had twin boys at 51. Her husband is Steve van Zandt’s brother. I always liked her and she looks great for her age–69.
My mom had me at 38. My dad died when I was 18 and mom died when I was 32. I was aware they were older and always worried about their health, even when I was young. Now they are gone and I still need them. But I can see her wanting a sibling for her son – hopefully they will be close.
well, my mom had me when she was 20 [she was married at 18 not pregnant lol]. And she died in her late 50’s, so I wasn’t much older than you were at 32. So a young parent doesn’t mean you’ll have them that long…I think anyone who has their parents through age 30 is fortunate=that’s solid adulthood, though they may not get to be involved grandparents for long. My father was 22 when i was born, and died at 64. I’ve known people who still had their moms when they were pushing 60 and moms were in 80’s. That amazing, esp. when they talk to them or see them almost daily. Very cool but not the reality for many people.
I believe Laura Linney gave birth a few weeks shy of 50.
Laura Linney gave birth at 49. There was a story on Celebitchy about it!
http://www.celebitchy.com/344892/laura_linney_49_had_a_baby_boy_bennett_but_the_press_didnt_know_she_was_pregnant/
I wrote that I should have remembered it!
I’m glad someone else mentioned the Laura Linney story because that was the first thing that came to mind.
Also, another story that came tom mind is my mom’s good friend who was getting her period regularly until she was 57 and NOW just NOW is thinking she’s finally going through menopause. People don’t realize that abortion most often occurs with older women, who are already mothers, who have accidental pregnancies. When looking up my past, my own great-grand mother and great-great grandmother had children well in their forties. So shit happens.
I had my 3rd child at 43. Three years later, much to my shock I found myself pregnant again; and really, my husband and I only did it once. I miscarried a few weeks later, and being honest, I was relieved. However, if I didn’t already have 3 kids I would have been fine. It did teach me a lesson about birthcontrol. I am 50 and don’t think i am any where near menopause. I would welcome it, though.
Wait why is nobody mentioning the hairy naked sax player?!
Some of these posts are breaking my heart. I am a Licensed Acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist, with a Masters Degreee in Oriental Medicine. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS HAVING TROUBLE CONCEIVING/CARRYING A FETUS TO TERM, TELL THEM TO CHECK OUT ACUPUNCTURE AND CHINESE HERBS. Fertility is a very complex issue, relying on so many different factors, and if a person is already having difficulties, than they need to stack the deck in their favor as much as possible. Having a body that fully supports healthy conception, implantation, and pregnancy is crucial~and can be helped at every level with Acupuncture.
I’m just starting my third year of TCM school and I totally and 100% second everything you say here.
I am an intern and one of my patients is for fertility and her treatment is based on just what you write here–supporting a healthy body and mind to support a healthy conception, implantation, and pregnancy is the goal!
I love our medicine.
🙂
how truly selfish and I say the exact same thing when a guy pulls this as well.
Were it not for modern contraceptives, EVERY woman would be liable to be in this position, because NATURALLY, we are still capable of bearing children! So, whats the judgement about— you should be judging your own anatomy, basically, because thats whats at play here. ‘Back in the old days’ people died younger, so they married and started families younger, but also, kept having children much later, because thats how it goes (thats what sex is inteded for and thats the tyical result). You can be in your childs life for 40 years and treat them poorly, or, only 20 years but give them the best childhood. I dont think age matters that much, certainly not to the kid!
I work in a nursing home and you would not believe the number of women who gave birth after 45, especially before the pill and tubal ligations. When I was pregnant with#2 (19 years after#1) these ladies all told me the stories of themselves or their mothers with menopause babies- as in i thought I was going through the change and it turned out to be a baby. One even told me of her mom going on a long trip by train then wagon so her family could see her breastfeeding, just to prove she was the mom to the infant because she knew the talk was that one of her older daughters was the real mom. When I said I felt old at 37 one lady said her mom was 48 and every heroine in a Danielle Steele novel is at least 45 so I was practically a baby.
Whatever. Getting and staying pregnant is a personal decision of a woman.
amen sistah.
I don’t see how it’s selfish for older men and women to have babies. i met a lady recently whose husband left to compete in a race and returned in a casket. she’s prob in early 40s. people die every day, leaving young kids behind. you never know when someone’s going to die, it can be 30 or 80. if a baby is coming into the world and has a loving parent, i say congrats! i would much rather see that than babies born to people who obviously don’t want them.
i agree. it’s not any more selfish to have a baby at 50 than it is at 20. anything can happen to anyone at any time. there are no guarantees. if someone actually goes to all this trouble then that’s a child that’s going to be loved. that’s what’s important.
Yes, people die at 30 or 40, but it’s the exception and really quite rare; there’s a reason that life insurance at 30 is almost free and it’s incredibly expensive at 50. The odds change quite dramatically after 50 and not in a good way.
As I said above, it’s one thing if there’s another parent around, but if you’re single, the risk you’re taking leaves you with all the upside and a young child to deal, alone, with all the downside.
I read comments regarding older moms and no one seems to really look at the whole picture. Everyone is just looking at the ages. Oh My! She will be 50 when he/she graduates from high school or she will be 55, 60, 65, 70 etc. She will be dead before she is a grandmother. How selfish! No one is looking at the amount of 100% active, focused time that that ‘older mom’ will spend with her child. I don’t know about you but I don’t really remember my parents growing up. I was their last and my mom was in her early 30’s when I was born and my parents worked like mad. Always busy working making money and not really having too much time for sports games, plays, friends etc. Yes, my parents were involved, but they also had to put their jobs first. Even my hubby and I are busy and most times he has to put his job first. That sucks, but money needs to be made.
When I had my girls and my dad retired early, man was he an amazing Grandpa. People were shocked how involved my parents were with them. They passed unexpectedly when my daughters were 5, but the impression they made lasts even too today 4 yeas later. Most moms that I knew in high school that had children in their early 20’s and beyond were too busy working, dealing with being a single mom or so stressed that they just checked out. Not all, but a large amount. So now as their kids are graduating high school and these moms are 37+ their kids are strangers to them. All those years of not being there and being stressed has caused a crack in their parent/child relationship. Also, just because you have kids young does not mean you will be there for them after the age of 18. I know quite a few couples who had their kids in their 20’s and when that kid hit 18, their parenting job was done. So technically, they were gone when that child was 18 if you really think of it.
What I am getting at is that, I would rather be an 100% active at-home parent who has the time and patience to raise my children where they will be set up for life regarding college, money, self esteem and opportunities that I could not give them at 25, but I can give them now at 45 because I waited to become a parent and I have time to “just parent”. I might lose 15 years with my child, but I will make it up just by being there and being focused. I would rather be an amazing parent for 30 years of my child’s life than an absent one for 40. My husband and I talk about if we had a child in our mid-40’s that we would make such an impression on them that they would be able to survive and deal with our passing and be OK with it. JMO
What’s crazy is I had my tubes tied at 40, just to b told after blood work I had early menopause….due to me having lupus…smh!
I had a baby in my early 20’s, another in my mid 30’s, and again at 42. We were thrilled all three times, and all of our children were planned.
All are healthy, all are successful, and all are happy.
It may not be for everyone, but I really enjoyed being pregnant in different decades. Three totally new and different experiences.
At the age of 50, my grandma had already three grandchildren who were 8 and 10 years old. That’s what always comes to my mind when I read about 40+ year old ladies (and gents!) who still make babies. They’re old enough to be grandparents…
I just hope it will be a healthy child.
Pregnancy at late age, though possible, is quite dangerous for the child and even for the mother. Genetic abnormalities may occur (most common Down syndrome, while the risk is still relatively low, it does go up significantly at age 35 and older. If 1,000 33-year-old women are tested, five of them will have a baby with abnormal chromosomes. If 1,000 40-year-old women are tested, 25 will have a baby with a chromosome problem. The risk continues to rise as women get older…)…
I think it’s quite selfish. The body at 50 is not the same as the body at 30, no matter how good or healthy she feels. The baby needs nutrients, vitamins, healthy levels of hormones etc, etc, even if she takes supplements, the absorption of the supplements is not the same in older people as is in younger people…
I wish her and the baby good luck.
I’m pretty sure hers were checked for genetic abnormalities. Today you can even choose the sex of the child and rule out any physical defects when you save your eggs. Only the perfectly healthy ones are saved and used for the mother. Technology has come a very long way! Amazing really.
I sometimes think the whole “you can’t get pregnant” after X age is just another part of the masculine industrial complex. No one even blinks twice if it happens to celebrity men. It really pressures women into having kids much earlier than what might happen if they had a chance to really build up their lives and their careers. No one should ever tell you what’s right for you or your body. I have known PLENTY of women who have had healthy pregnancies after 40.
Amen!!!!!!! I have faith I’ll be one of them.
I got cancer at 28 and was told freezing my eggs, while possible, would not be ideal because it would mean postponing treatment for months, When you’re that age it’s a tough decision. I was then told, for five years after cancer, not to even think about kids essentially (I know you read stories of women getting pregnant right away, but my cancer was rare and I don’t know, I was seriously discouraged from it). And then after that, all of a sudden it’s “Well you better have a baby NOW if you ever hope to!”, your eggs are dying rapidly, etc. And I wasn’t ready. I lost years of my life to cancer, I didn’t feel ready in my thirties to become a Mom. Now I’m 40, and I’m seriously thinking about it for the first time in my life, and everywhere I look all I see is doom and gloom. I know women have healthy babies at my age all the time, yet it terrifies me, and apparently I’m now too old from the comments of CB and half the women on this thread. The people commenting on the plus side do give me hope, but it’s hard not to feel dispirited. I really wish I had frozen my eggs, but after the cancer some (stupid) part of me thought they might not be good eggs somehow. You feel like you’re poison, for a long time after, not capable of giving healthy life to anything. And I have to put up with my f’ing in-laws and everyone who knows my history still assuming I just “don’t want kids” because I haven’t had them yet. I feel like people are so judgmental of other’s choices when it comes to having kids, I’m sick of it. It’s amazing to me that 20 year old eggs can still be fertilized. I wish Sophie all the best, she’s very lucky imo to be having kids at any age – and I loved her episode of Community, I love when they go overboard with the 90’s references!
I’m sorry Mrs. Darcy. I can understand why after going through all of the physical and emotional stress involved with cancer you would not feel ready to become a parent. I also understand why you didn’t freeze your eggs at 28-having to make a decision about something like that when you are facing such a serious diagnosis would be overwhelming. Please don’t be hard on yourself-you made the best decision you could at the time.
Yes-I hear you re: people’s judgment about the whole kid thing. I’m 42 and have complicated reasons for not having children and it’s very annoying what people tend to assume. No one should have to explain or justify why they don’t have children.
Mrs Darcy, your situation is so different from what I think most people are considering/ putting off children “just because.” Anyone in your position had no choice. You should do what’s in your heart. My grandma had my uncle at 42. She’s 90 now- lucid, still living in her own house- very much a part of his life for a very long time. He’s in his 50s! My aunt also had children in her 50s. One is set for college this year and one is still in school. But she is alive, active, present, and they love her regardless. Kids don’t care about age. They just want love and stability. I hope that you remain healthy, and I hope you make the best decision for YOU. Everything will fall into place. Good luck.
@Becky1 and @Pina Colada: Thank you. I just get so annoyed when people assume I didn’t have kids in the years after I had cancer because I didn’t want them. I was terrified I wouldn’t live to see them grow up, my cancer has a 60% 5 year survival rate, and people just have no sensitivity or knowledge of other people’s situations before putting their two cents in.
And in defense of every women my age, regardless of health, we really weren’t given the whole “have kids before you’re 35 or else” speech in our twenties the way they do now. we were the Baby Boomer’s daughters, we were encouraged to have careers first, most of my friends didn’t start until 30 and up. We did feel like there was more time than there is I think. Two of my friends have had babies at 39, so I don’t feel like 40 is as out of the question as so many seem to be implying. My grandmother had her youngest around 40 too, it’s nice to hear about your aunt and her children too thanks @Pina Colada. 🙂 I know the odds aren’t with you at this age, but I feel like people are being really swayed by medical statistics and getting borderline prejudiced with it.
There’s this really great comedy on in the U.K. right now called Catastrophe about a woman having a baby at this age, she gets pregnant accidentally and thinks well, fine I’m having a baby. Except the whole thing is just a medical nightmare, with the Down’s risk and the amnio and other problems she just falls into complete despair when initially she was so happy. Not saying we shouldn’t look after ourselves, but the medical world calling it a “geriatric pregnancy” just adds salt to the wound, they really have made it so fearful. The show is actually hysterically funny anyway, but it is dealing with the brutal honesty of attitudes to pregnancy at this age in a really direct, black humour kind of way.
My mom had me when she was 42. I was born perfectly healthy and I had a happy and safe childhood. But, don’t get me wrong. She was always tired and never really wanted to keep up with me. She thought I was supposed to be raised just like she was, and that was really hard on me. I’ve learned about periods and sex in school, because she belived I was supposed to learn those things on my own, just like she did. I’m 30 now, and we still don’t talk about intimate matters. Actually, we don’t talk about a lot of things that are going on in our lives and in the world. There is a lot of things I’d like to share with her, but I’m not allowed to. There’s no room for that. It’s like “if we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist”. She likes to think that we still living in the 60s. I love her and I’m thankfull for all she has done for me. But the distance between generations is something to be considered, specially as, in my mother case, you’re not willing to grow with your child.
Very interesting point— yes the gap gets much bigger! The difference between me and my younger step siblings is already quite large…… so imagine that 4-5 times over… yikes…
I can’t imagine getting pregnant now (I’m 50). But that’s me. Congratulations and good luck to anyone having a baby, no matter what age. Babies are good things!
Its really not unusual— and from the pragmatic point of view, old geezer men father children all the time, and no one makes quite the fuss.
In my books, also, women ought to ALWAYS be older than the man in the marriage— think of it- men die younger, and women ought to have developed themselves independently before marrying. Then both parties would (theoretically) die at approx the same time and the man wouldnt be leaving behind much younger children.
But thats a side point in terms of societies constant and unfounded unfairness.
Here in Germany its really more commonplace for both men and women to be much older (= not in 20s or even 30s) before starting a family. Both people are stable, settled, secure, and the child is welcomed into a very ready and loving home, when both people are truly ready for it.
I smell bullshit. The technology for successful
Embryo freezing wasn’t widely available 20 years ago.