This isn’t a huge story, but I found the discussion endearing and genuine. Julie Andrews is promoting the 50-year anniversary DVD edition of The Sound of Music. I guess that explains why Lady Gaga performed the title track at the Oscars last month. Andrews visited Good Morning Britain to talk about the movie, but I’m more interested in her thoughts on marriage. Julie lost her husband, Blake Edwards, in 2010. They were married for 41 years, and she’s still coping with her pain. Marriage feels like a fragile institution at times, and show business is notoriously rough on relationships. Four decades is a major accomplishment.
Julie talked about how she met Blake, which she describes as “literally ships that passed in the night.” They actually shared the same therapist in the 1960s, and Blake often stopped to say hello. They knew each other for a decade before marrying. The secret of their longevity seems too simple to be true:
Her successful marriage: “He sadly passed away about three years ago, but we were married 41 years and it was a love story, it was. Success in our marriage was to take it one day at a time and so, lo and behold, 41 years later there we still were. There are days when it’s perfectly wonderful and I am myself and then it’s suddenly – sock you in the middle of your gut and you think ‘ah God I wish he were here.’ But he is in a way, I think one carries that love always.”
How they met: “We met about 10 years before, literally ships that passed in the night at some event but we actually … our cars, I was going one way and he was going the other, he rolled down the window after smiling a couple of times and he said, ‘Are you going where I just came from?’ I was going to a therapist he was coming from. Very corny, sorry about that.”
[From Good Morning Britain]
Taking it one day at a time sounds deceptively easy but highly effective. Julie and Blake didn’t overanalyze their relationship and stayed in the moment. We should all be so lucky. There’s a common saying that long marriages can survive when two parties never wanted to get divorced at the same time. I don’t know if that was ever the cause with Julie and Blake (probably not), but it’s a bittersweet adage.
Here’s a video clip of Julie talking about how she met Blake.
Photos courtesy of WENN
Just a spoonful of sugar?
I grew up with this woman’s work. I’m so sad she felt she needed plastic surgery. Beauty comes from within, Beloved. You have always been utterly beautiful to your fans.
She looks astonishingly well for 79 years old, even if she’s had surgery. She looks like she’s in her early 60’s, plus the way she holds & presents herself is amazing
+1
My aunt just died and i find her words to be really soothing.
She is a classy lady.
Hugs and love hon. It’s heartbreaking to lose an aunt.
Dame Julie is graceful both inside and out. I feel for her loss.
Beautiful, classy, talented, respected, accomplished, graceful…My grandma was a fan of hers. My mom is. I am. My older daughters (20 and 18 years old) adore her. My younger one (3 years old) loves Mary Poppins…Four generations of women.
Yep. There’s no one formula for a good marriage but it’s pretty universal that you need to be in it for the long haul, even on the bad days.
What if the bad outweighs the good? I have been with my long-term boyfriend for 8 years, but I can’t help but fight the feeling that I am settling. I also just don’t feel much intense love for him, he feels more like a brother or companion, like someone to have long discussions with but sadly his libido has waned over the years and there is no intense passion that I crave. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people aren’t truly happy in their relationship or in love—they simply settle.
If the bad out weighs the good, then you’re in a long marriage/relationship , not necessarily a good one. So essentially, you’re talking about different things.
Don’t marry him. That was exactly what my last marriage was like. We finally divorced, thankfully on good terms (as good as they could be, and we had no children). I have been remarried now for nearly 9 years. And this marriage is totally different. It’s remained loving and passionate. Sure we have our days. But honestly, there are good relationships. I don’t know what makes this one different, cause it’s not a lot of hard work. It’s just very comfortable. We are best friends. But definitely do not feel like siblings! Best wishes to you, Andrea.
If at the end you feel you end up with a 40 year participation trophy instead of the love of your life, i can see how sticking through it just to have the long term might not be worth it. There’s a fine line between sticking through the bad times because nothing is perfect, and putting up with the bad because “well, it’s been so long… Hate to start over…”. Only you can decide if it’s worth it, I won’t offer advice on leave or stay, but I don’t think years invested already is reason to do something you don’t want to do or don’t even enjoy anymore.
I know people say marriage is work, but I’m iffy about the saying. I’ve been with MrWif 11 years, and its never been work. We have had times where LIFE was hard, but not the relationship. I don’t have to make it work, and it’s easy to be together. If we had to work every day to stay together, if wonder if we were right together at all.
Don’t expect the passion to be at the same level for the entire duration of your relationship. Expecting to have intense lust after 10 years together it’s just unrealistic. Every relationship goes through ups and downs and you just have to ask yoursel if you like to be with this person more than anyone else and if it’s worth persevering though rough spots. And if someone says “but I’ve been in a passionate relationship for 10 years and expect to continue like this forever”, I’d say “wait another 5 years and call me”. People change, people get sick, kids grow up, move out, you lose jobs, change jobs, move, your parents need help.. million things can affect relationships, that’s just life. But if your main problem is that there is no intense passion, then you can move to another person, fall in love, have a few years of intense passion and start the rollercoaster again. My mom went through it her entire life: 3 husbands and always unhappy because “he just wasn’t what she imagined”. Well, in the end, chasing passion didn’t pay off too well. So think about it carefully
Andrea, I hope you don’t marry him. I’ve been with my husband for almost twenty years now, and we still have a passionate love. Is it the same as when we first got married? No. We used to leave a trail of clothes from the back door up the steps to the bedroom when we got home from work. That no longer happens. But it has changed into a deeper, slower burning passion, and I still feel flutters in my stomach when I look at him fairly often. It’s a hard line to draw – you want to be committed for the long haul, and that means going through periods where you feel like strangling each other and not giving up, but it doesn’t mean settling for something less than you need. Good luck to you. I hope you find an answer that makes you happy.
@minxx Surely there must be SOME passion though right? I just feel like its so perfunctory at this point. I can honestly say I have had brief month or two moments within the past 5 years(every 6-8 months) where I am content, but mostly it has just been meh yeah he is my boyfriend. Everyone wants to know when we are getting married (we’ve been engaged 4 years now) and I can’t bear to wear the ring or make plans, it just doesn’t feel right. And it bothers me a lot because he treats me with such kindness unlike no other, but there just isn’t anything great going on. I want him in my life forever, but I honestly think on a more intellectual/family type level. I don’t think slumps in relationships should involve mostly 5+ years.
My friend told me that you fall in and out of love with the same person often during a marriage. I never felt that way until my husband. I broke off a similar relationship because I couldn’t fall in love with him again. It was like we were roommates. But now… I can’t go two days without looking at my husband and thinking “wow!” There are ups and downs for sure, but down is just down- not the end. Knowing I’m in it for the long haul with him makes me excited, not depressed.
I just got married to my boyfriend of 6.5 years. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine being with someone else. We have had periods of break ups, and I even moved across the country without him for 6 months (he followed me to propose though…), but obviously we realized we want to be together. We get along great, rarely fight, have the same tastes in generally everything that we enjoy, and are content. But is there intense passion anymore? No, not really. Our sex life is not as intense as the first few years of our relationship. We’ve both gotten older, obviously, and TBH ‘intense passion’ is hard to keep up for years and years. Also, my husband just isn’t the romantic type. It used to bother me a lot but I came to accept it’s just not in his nature. Not to say he doesn’t do sweet and caring things for me, buy me flowers, ect., but he’s not the type to have candles and rose petals waiting either. So I had to think about that and make sure I was ok with not living out some sappy movie love story for the rest of my life, and I decided that I was.
I think about it sometimes, did I settle?, but then I always imagine my life without him and how I’d feel and I realize that I don’t want to be without him. I don’t think about being with other men. Being with someone you can be comfortable and yourself with is amazing, and someone who understands you on a deep level and vice versa – there’s nothing like it. Intense passion is great, but when it wears off what are you left with? Hopefully it’s your best friend, confidant, and partner in crime! When we’re old and grey and it’s just the two of us because we don’t have or want kids I doubt we’ll be going at it like 25 year olds – but I know we’ll have good conversations, wonderful memories, and be happy with each other.
You need to get in therapy and examine why you are still with someone that the passion is gone, describing him more like a brother or companion, and yet you are still there with it being like this for many years. Eight years in, it’s more about why are you still there? Are you so afraid to be alone that you would rather stay in a comfortable but passionless relationship, so much so you don’t want to marry him after being engaged all these years, yet don’t leave? Describing your boyfriend as more like living with a brother or companion says it all. You deserve more.
I went to therapy 4 years in and they seemed okay with me being with him since we have so much in common and he isn’t abusive towards me (I had a few abusive men verbally in the past). So therapy didn’t really help. They said he was the best man out of all the men I have dated. To be honest, when I say passion I don’t mean like a love story/romantic comedy–I mean I want sex way more than him and my self esteem is in the toilet when he rejects me on a regular basis. I think we are simply incompatible sexually and it has gotten much worse the longer we are together. I’m lucky to get it once a week and would prefer it at least 4 times a week. We have no kids, I don’t get why our relationship has gotten like a lot of couples I know with kids who lack much sex. I also wish he’d give me a few compliments a week.
The thing is most of my friends love my boyfriend and urge me to stay with him. They insist that the dating scene sucks and that I can’t have it all, so I feel I have zero support if I leave him and my friends will say I am foolish to give a good man away.
@ Andrea
It sounds like you are unhappy with your relationship. You have a couple options: stay as is and unhappy, leave, talk to your partner about your dissatisfaction.
Further down thread you said that your sex life isn’t what you want. Discuss that with him.
I also got that he isn’t providing the romance you want. Talk about that too.
These are both super common problems in a relationship and a good relationship therapist should be able to help. your previous therapist sounds not so good.
And there will be bad days. Marriage is hard, but worth it with the right person.
Can’t give you enough + for this FLORC…I totally agree and say this all the time…the right person makes it worth the work…and yes marriage is work, just like anything else worth doing.
Relationships in general are hard work and not all sunshine and rainbows. But I have seen a lot of my friends marriages/relationships crumble and know of very few (at age 34)nor does my boyfriend know of that have lasted happily. My parents have been married 40 years and been miserable 20+ years; they only stay because they are co-dependent and believe in until death do us part, even though they haven’t slept in the same bed for maybe 15-20 years and are so verbally abusive/indifferent to one another; I told both of them I would have left someone similar within 6 months!
Does this “right person” though happen for everyone? I am beginning to think it doesn’t and I have had many friends say I should just be grateful for what I have, that we can’t have it all.
FLORC – yep, “right person” is an important clarification.
Andrea I’m no relationship expert and honestly marriage terrifies me, but I ‘ve come to believe that being best friends is what makes the long haul worth it. But that can mean a lot of different things. Sex, business partnerships, sharing the same interests, etc. The Clintons for example might truly be happy with their arrangement.
Andrea
I’m with Bettyrose on this.
The “right person” means someone who can meet you on the same level for attraction, drive, opinions, friendship, etc… And it doesn’t have to meet all of those.
Ultimately if you find someone that will love, support, respect, laugh with, be honest with, And most importantly not give up when it’s hard because you are a part of eachother’s families you’re doing pretty well.
And Bettyrose
I’ve been looking at the Clintons like the Underwoods for some time now. House Of Cards fan?
Yeses
Right! Nothing worth having is easy. Marriage and relationships are not like the 1st few months or years of dating. And it only gets tougher, but the rewards are greater too.
@Andrea My parents have been married 43 years this year and they are an inspiration to me. They love and respect each other, have fun together, still set aside time for weekly dates nights, and when I was a teen I remember my Mom still doodling my Dad’s name with hearts around it and leaving little notes in his lunch even after 30 years of marriage. Has their relationship been perfect? Hell no! They’ve also fought, screamed and yelled, been through thick and thin, money problems, 3 kids, job losses, medical issues, cancer, family deaths, ect. But I think the key is being with someone you are honest with, have respect for, and make time for.
FLORC, I’m only on episode 5 of HoC but I can definitely see what you mean.
She’s perfection!
They have a very fun, sassy story about what Blake thought of Julie before they were married. Someone asked Blake what made her so successful and special, and he said: “I can tell you exactly what it is. She has lilacs for pubic hair.” And after they were married, and he admitted to this story, he gave Julie a bouquet of lilacs for their anniversary every year.
If you haven’t seen their movie S.O.B., do yourself a favour and watch it ASAP. It’s hilarious. If you’ve never seen Julie in a cheeky role before, you’d be in for a treat.
I feel if I look up the word grace in the dictionary, her name and picture will be next to it.
I totally agree, there is no one formula that makes every marriage work, you live it one day at a time, take it as you go…and somehow something clicks and it works…I say this as someone who is married 22 years. Is it always happy and perfect, hell no…but you hang tough and together during the bad times to get to the good times.
+1000! Marriage is tough, but worth it with the right partner.
Andrews has alwyas been pure class.
Their love story is so lovely. I hope her heart carries a smaller burden in the coming years.
The key to a long term marriage is for a guy to carry a torch for you from the beginning. It helps to have a passionate love story to start. I’ve been married almost 27 years, some of them were great (the first 10) and some of them were really bad. But in the end, if you like the person and he really cares for you, it’s worth sticking to it through thick and thin. The kids surely appreciate it too.
She’s wonderful, so gracious and genuine.
It’s odd how she’s rarely referred to as ‘Dame’ Julie Andrews. She’s British, so is able to use the title. Maybe it’s because it was given to her so long ago.
I read an interview once she did. Blake was still alive but died several years later. He popped his head into the interview, which was being held at their home. And their dry but wicked sense of humor and banter with each other showed why they were still together. It was very cheeky. They were great friends, still had a spark for one another, and enjoyed working with each other, showing a huge sign of respect for one another .
She called their relationship a true love story, and I believe it. Not that it was a perfect marriage, but that the love was true and lasted.
She always exhibits such grace and class and came from humble beginnings.
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