I have no plans to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I read the book and that was enough for me. For what it’s worth, I’ve heard that film is better than the book, that they strengthened the Anastasia character and made her likeable and charming. Which is nice, because Ana was awful in the book. She was flavorless, a dishrag, a whining, perpetually tear-stained mess. There were many treatises and “think pieces” written about Anastasia and Christian Grey’s relationship, whether it was truly consensual and loving, or whether it was an abusive relationship dressed up like BDSM. Since I can only speak to the book characters, I’ll just say that their relationship made me uncomfortable and yes, I think Christian crossed the line several times into fitting the description of an abuser.
I wasn’t alone – many people do believe the book and the film represent a glorification of abuse, and there were some protests against the film. When Dakota Johnson sat down for an interview with TV2, she was asked about the protests and the assessment that Ana was Christian’s victim rather than his romantic partner. Dakota disagrees.
Speaking in a video interview with Kjersti Flaa for TV2 about criticism that Christian’s treatment of her character is abusive, Dakota Johnson, who plays Anastasia Steele, said: ‘I think that is an uneducated opinion. Maybe because I know more about the BDSM world, so it makes sense to me, but everything that these characters do, they make the decision to do it.’
Domestic violence campaigners in America and the UK called for a boycott of the film when it was released last month because they believed it ‘glorified’ and ‘romanticised’ abuse against women. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation launched a campaign titled Fifty Shades Is Abuse, which urged people to donate to local women’s shelters instead of buying movie tickets. In London, feminist campaigners, Fifty Shades Is Domestic Abuse, said the novel dangerously romanticises the idea that women can fix broken men.
Defending the film, Dakota added: ‘Christian doesn’t abuse Ana. She’s not a victim. She’s not a sad, weak-minded, passive person. She’s strong and confident and is exploring her body and her sexuality in a private environment with somebody that she loves. And, you know, it’s a movie.’
Ana is “not a sad, weak-minded, passive person”??? YES SHE IS. At least she was in the book. She was always crying! She started guzzling endless amounts of alcohol to numb herself to Christian’s sexual and emotional demands. He literally orders her around, tells her what to eat, what to wear and he even tells her what birth control she should use. There were like a million examples of the Fifty Shades of Sketchiness in the book.
Now, all that being said… Dakota didn’t write it. The way I see it, she’s just defending her portrayal of a screwed up character in a screwed up situation. I don’t think Dakota should be slammed for this. Go yell at E.L. James.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I haven’t read the book nor seen the film.
SO.. I like that black outfit but not the hair. The hair just doesn’t work.
Her hair drives me bonkers. I can’t stand the way her bangs are cut, it looks like when a little kid chops their hair off and then has to regrow it.
The bangs ARE awful. Are they too short? Too thin? Too greasy? I can’t put my finger on it but they are not cute. I usually like bangs with a cute bun…
Her stylist said that Dakota cut them herself. So what you said makes absolute sense.
At the end of the day it is still Twilight fan fiction.
So true. Would that we could all just accept this and shut the hell up about it.
I hate that Fifty Shades became so famous, because I have been an avid reader of fanfiction for many years, and there are so many wonderful writers and works available. It sucks that the one that became famous is so despicably awful. Now whenever someone disparages the books, eventually someone will start disparaging fanfictions in general, which is so unfair. God I hate this series!
Same here, same here. There is so much GOOD fanfiction out there. On the internet. For free. But this c**p becomes famous and makes that horrible, undeserving woman rich. All while it gives other fanfiction a bad name.
I also take exception to the idea that women in abusive relationships can be broadly generalized as, “sad, weak-minded and passive.” It almost down plays or excuses them being targets of abuse. Abuse takes many forms, including tearing down not just a person’s emotional health but their connections to other people. It’s so much more complex than the “weak ones” being open season for abusers.
I appreciate your thoughtful comment. It always surprises the newer volunteers at a women’s shelter when so-called ‘powerful’ or ‘executive’ or ‘socially ranked’ women finally call, reach out or actually make it into the facility for help; it’s another sign that abuse is often complicated, and that both abusers and those who are abused bring many issues besides ‘power’ or ‘status’ or even the everyday ability to cope & adapt to the table.
Saying weak women are targets is like saying rivers only start in canyons. Slow erosion begets a canyon, and abusers slowly erode the personality. My x is an abuser with a master’s degree in psychology – he knows just how to manipulate whilst coming off as “helping”. Other strong women have fallen into his insidious trap. Fsog isn’t for educated people, I so resent her spin!
Wow, that canyon comparison is so profound. Thank you for sharing that.
Great comments by you Celebitches!!! She is blatantly victim-blaming.
Completely agree, Lucretia. An abuser starts out by being charming and acting in a loving way until you develop love and trust. The abuses start out small, and they are confusing, isolated incidents, which he convinces you were nothing, or wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t done X. It builds and builds until you don’t know who you are anymore or how you got in this mess. It can happen to anybody.
GNAT, that is EXACTLY how it is. I am intelligent and educated and I was involved in an abusive relationship that started out just like that! It was exciting at first but gradually, he chipped away at me until I was a shell of my former self. AND he convinced me that everything was my fault so I determined to do better, to try harder, and then it would all be perfect. People who have not actually experienced this can be very skeptical and judgemental. It was terrible!
Everyone, no matter how successful or educated, has certain weaknesses! we all have places where we are vulnerable. Some of us meet with abusers who find those weaknesses and exploit them. For most people, it’s temporary and we realize we’re being abused (if even only subtly) and then we move on. For those who are emotionally damaged it can last longer. And btw, this girl has a high school education. How does she see herself as “educated”?
I haven’t read it, but I’ve read enough reviews to be troubled by the portrayal of BDSM as involving innocent little girls (I.e. this silly woman-child) being coerced into submission. Adult fantasies are for adults.
EXACTLY.
My thoughts exactly…
I haven’t read it either, but based on what I’ve read and heard about it, I tend to agree with you. Also, am I wrong or during this whole BDSM relationship, do these characters “fall in love?” For some reason, I thought this was part of the premise of the story. If that is the case, I’m even more disturbed, as I think the message imparted there is all mixed up and ass backwards. However, if I’m wrong, then so be it.
I caved and watched it last night and you know what, it was AS HORRIBLE AS YOU MIGHT THINK! Perhaps even worse! That’s exactly what she is; a woman-child! I was embarrassed for 3/4 of the movie and cringed every time she was on screen and the other 1/4 I was thinking how stalkery this Christian is. He says stuff like “you can’t go see your mom, you’re mine”. I’m sorry, but how do you defend that? She leaves him and then he breaks into her house? Super creepy!
I get the BDSM world and have thought about participating long before this movie, so I can imagine how angry that community must be at this pile of manure. He’s not broken, he’s psychotic and hiding behind the BDSM tag to seem less creepy.
At one point I think he admits to being a serial killer. I think he denies being a serial killer by saying “not today”. Red flag Ana, RUN!
I didn’t go in wanting to hate the movie, but I couldn’t like it as hard as I tried. Bad acting, no chemistry and a very disturbing script. 0/10 from me.
Erm, i have to disagree – it did border on abuse and yes it went over that line on several occasions throughout the series. Dakota is a lot like Ana – a bland personality.
I think she maybe getting confused with ‘O’ from The Story of O by Anne Desclos – now there was a strong, confident woman who is exploring her sexuality.
And yes, E L James needs to be called up on this. And with stories about her behaviour during production you can see shades of her personality in Christian – an unpleasant bully.
As someone said “Fifty Shades of Grey is “romantic” only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode”
That is completely true.
this ^ to the millionth power
And she never would have gotten into it in the first place. It was his power and charisma as a successful businessman (who never seemed to actually work in the film, didn’t read the book) that intrigued her.
Nice to hear someone else mention O. I have told a few people if they want a kinky story of bdsm they need to read The Story of O.
It has long bothered me how much they’re compartmentalizing the abuse in the series. Yes it contains BDSM themes, a dominant/submissive sexual relationship, and some intense sexual exploration. We see that she participates in all of that willingly, unforced, entirely by choice. And that’s not abuse.
The problem is that literally EVERYTHING ELSE that goes on between them is an abusive relationship. He stalks her from the beginning, an unknown man just shows up where she happens to be on more than one occasion. If not a famous billionaire, we would think that was insane, not sweet.
Once their relationship begins his obsessive, controlling, and possessive behavior (brushed off as lovingly protective) reaches serious brow-raising levels immediately. He buys a multi-million dollar company…. So that she won’t work with or for anyone/man else. He has multiple red-faced meltdowns when she even converses with another man, often dragging her off with a gripped arm to be chastised in the corner for talking to strangers like a toddler. Many of these instances result in a restrained “YOU ARE MINE”-laden quickie somewhere nearby. We see her actually shrink in fear of him when he runs toward her screaming for taking her top off on a topless beach. The examples could go on and on and on.
Of course Dakota is defending her project. But it’s really disappointing to see them brushing off the claims of an unhealthy portrayal of a loving relationship, by answering only “he never sexually abuses her, and you’re very prude for even thinking that.”
I may be projecting a little here, but I know that if I had seen more consistent support of healthy partnerships and less glamorizations of abusively controlling ones, I would have been better equipped to recognize when I was in one myself. Teenage girls LOVE this series…..
E.L. James HAS been called out on this on Twitter. She has been asked point blank what she thinks about women who have PTSD from past abusive relationships being triggered by her books, and do you know how she responds? She blocks the person’s Twitter account!
I think that Dakota is now someone I will never watch in anything. Victim shaming is horrible.
It’s not about abuse? Seriously?
I only read a couple of chapters of the book and a summary of the rest, but by that alone I had to read about too many abusive, unhealthy situations.
I first decided the book wasn’t for me, when Christian Grey decideds to track down Anna’s phone too stalk her and somehow nobody really seems to mind. And that seems one of the more harmless situations in the book before the “BDSM parts” first come into play.
I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised though. After all this is fanfiction of the book where Edward Cullen breaks into Bella’s house too watch her sleep and everybody finds that oh so sweet and romantic.
Not everyone thought Edward’s behavior sweet and romantic. The subliminal message that Twilight sent with regards to the romanticism of stalking and male dominance was hotly debated. It’s no surprise that E L James carried that theme into FSOG. JS
“Domestic violence campaigners in America and the UK called for a boycott of the film when it was released last month because they believed it ‘glorified’ and ‘romanticised’ abuse against women. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation launched a campaign titled Fifty Shades Is Abuse, which urged people to donate to local women’s shelters instead of buying movie tickets. In London, feminist campaigners, Fifty Shades Is Domestic Abuse, said the novel dangerously romanticises the idea that women can fix broken men.”
I do think it feeds into that fantasy that too many women have that they are the one that the broken man is waiting for to be whole and their love will heal him. In real life, that too often leads to horrible treatment by men and domestic abuse and women putting up with it because they think that if they try hard enough they can change him into someone different. If someone is a slave of another person that is an unequal relationship and not love imo. I do think the movie glorifies abuse, especially among the “Anastasia” set of young, inexperienced, pretty immature girls looking to romanticize the abusive relationships they are in. Even the BDSM community has said it’s not a true representation of their community and that the movie crosses dangerous lines even they don’t cross.
This is one of the best comments I have seen about the books and the film. I think while the books definitely bordered on Christian being an abuser, the real danger was this fantasy that a good woman can fix a broken man no matter what, and that is a far bigger issue. I could also see why domestic abuse organizations would see both the books and the films as glorifying abuse as they try to make it sexy, but I do feel it is different when a woman or man walks into the relationship knowing this and agrees to try this. I kind of get Dakota’s point. Not the same as your significant other just hauling off and hitting you one day, which I think most people realize.
Also as far as the film goes, if you hadn’t read the books the ending really is more empowering. She decides to say yes to his entire lifestyle, and then leaves end of movie. It is more dicy when you get to books two and three, not sure how they are going to do that and make Christian not seem a complete abuser, but good luck on that. My problem with the film was I just couldn’t see what would make her fall for Christian that hard, and it really seemed like money in the film, because they didn’t develop the relationship at all. It again was fairy tale magic love, and maybe without the glass slippers and carriage I couldn’t see it.
Also, not sure what Kaiser was reading but in the books I don’t remember Ana guzzling endless amounts of alcohol to numb the pain of Christian. One drunk scene after graduation, and don’t see the relation to the relationship at that point as she knew nothing about him at that point. One other scene where she has a few Cosmos with her Mom, but seriously I don’t see it. There is a lot of weak crying, but that really feeds into the I can save my “prince” scenario, which to me is a far more scarier thing to feed women. As that idea leads to all sorts of abuse and just downright bad relationships even if the guy isn’t an abuser.
ugre with you 100%
That’s the fantasy that keeps women in relationships like that as well. One of the many reasons why anyone stays, in fact.
I would know. I’ve been there. I figure anyone arguing against this book being about an abusive relationship simply hasn’t been in one yet. I know I definitely had this kind of thinking before I experienced one. Doesn’t excuse it though.
I agree.
A quote from the second book in the series:
“I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore–my birth mother,” Christian says.
Yup, no red flags there.
THAT! Although did he say that in the first book or second? basically he picks women who look like HIS mother who had issues. Plus, he was basically continuing a cycle that started when He was a teen when his mother’s friend did the same to him. Ugh!
Thank you for excerpting this; it’s supposed to be the big reveal in the book, the narrative pay-off where we (& Anastasia) find out *why* Christian is the way he is, does the things he does.
I fear this emphasis also plays into what’s been mentioned elsewhere in this post: that concentrating on figuring out the *why* vs. the *that* he does it all is feeding into the fantasy that it’s most important and romantic to understand an abuser than it is to flee for your safety… and then ponder the whys & wherefores if you must, but from a safer distance.
I bring that up, because when I’ve discussed this with friends who are fans, they inevitably go to “but he was ABUSED!” Yes, he was, and that’s horrible, but does that really make his behavior OK? And in real life, is “true love” going to change a guy like him?
“but he was ABUSED!”
Yikes, really? I would venture that most people who molest or abuse children were probably victims of that themselves, but we don’t excuse that type of behavior because of it.
…Jesus that’s some terrible writing right there.
“Like the crack whore-my birth mother”
This makes me twitch. If I wrote this I’d be so mad at myself.THE crack whore? Ugh. This is why I can’t read this crap.
But IN the movie,Ana is not a weak and passive character.
In the movie,it’s clearly an abusive relation in my opinion.Grey loves to hit his girlfriend and it excites him sexually. Ana never excited .She’s sexually curious but she ‘s not excited to be hitten.
The movie 50 Shades of Grey is just a romantic vision of a dark reality
From what I read -at first- it was more of the BDSM community that was complaining about the movie , book and the betrayal, so what about them Dakota? I would say they are rather educated on the matter more so than she is.
Dakota is about as exciting as a wet cocktail napkin so anything she says goes in one ear and right out the other to be honest.
classic example of nepotism at it’s finest and her parents are pretty much hasbeens.
I finally caved to my friends and went to see the movie. It is awful. Really really bad. Mainly because of the plot. Having said that, Dakota is the best part of the movie. Much much better than Dornan. If she somehow gets out of this mess, she could have a good career. It helps that she’s also very pretty.
As a bdsm veteran, shes completely wrong but I guess what else can she say in defense of this garbage.
Maybe she didn’t read the book? The one with all the crying, him bullying her, keeping her in the dark about everything he was trying to do, all that.
Safe, sane, and Consensual? Hardly.
The issue I have with FSOG (besides the fact that it’s poorly written and featured two intensely dislikable and annoying main characters) is the exact same issue I had with Twilight. EL James and her defenders can at least try to hide behind “it’s a dominant-submissive relationship!” but both books made me very uneasy. I don’t find anything romantic about a man having absolute control over what a woman does, thinks, eats, wears and lives-or isolating her from her previous life. It’s a little frightening to me younger women will grow up with these novels as their first big introductions to romance. It’s been said over and over again, but Stephanie Meyer and James both freak me out.
yes, I’d rather have them remember the lessons from Harry Potter than from this crap …
Do not fear we young ones are not all so naive 🙂
Although I can think of about half of my friends who sadly fit in the other category.
Thank you! I had problems with Twlight too.
Im the least sensitive person, but their “love story” just made me feel bad for Ana because she never got to know love with a normal person who didnt want to slap her around. But I only read the first book so I dont know how it all pans out but even then… love with someone like that doesnt “pan out.”
Unfortunately I did see the movie but I am happy to say I didn’t see it at a theater or on bootleg. I have an app on my phone that allows me to download movies that are still playing in the theaters. For the most part I found it boring.
SPOILER ALERT IF YOU PLAN ON SEEING IT.
If Dakota doesn’t consider this abuse then she should explain the spanking scene where she was crying and asked him not to do that again.
Jamie was a bad choice for Gray. His look doesn’t scream dominance. He looks to innocent and boyish. I actually laughed at some of the scenes.
so now she’s an BDSM expert?
I hated Ana. She was incredibly weak and a bland character! I disliked Christian and thought he was a controlling egomaniac. IMO, he was a mentally abusive douchebag. The writing was terrible, too. I’m a writer and it makes me sick that this series took off the way it did. It was basically Twishite with butt plugs & handcuffs. I have zero desire to see the movie. I only read the first book after my neighbor begged me to read it because “it’s so awesome, you’ll love it.” Ugh.
“not a sad, weak-minded, passive person” – so that’s what she thinks abused women are? That’s the uneducated opinion I’m hearing.
smee, all abused women I know are unfortunately really weak-minded and passive persons…… und unhinged mostly….
I know, it is not a representative sample (just people I know) but strong women beeing abused by some manipulative stalker is not a representative sample either….
Nobody derserves to be in an abusive relationship, but the sad, weak-minded persons are a magnet for abusers, sadly
As usual they try to frame it all in the sex part. The book is problematic not because of the sex, this is not about people being uncomfortable with BDSM (which was inaccurately portrayed) this is about what happens OUTSIDE the bedroom, how Christian controls everything Anna does, how he stalks her, tells her what to eat, what to wear, what kind of birth control to use, etc. But the defenders love to restrict the discussion to the sex part and how she wanted and enjoyed whatever happened on the Room of Pain (except that time he beat the crap out her and she “left him”, of course).
Exactly. I read yesterday (some parts) and that’s what bothered me. He wanted to take over her life. I found so disturbing when he says he wanted her to work out, and she said she didn’t want to, and they made an “agreement” that she’d do it just 3x in a week or something… I was like, wtf?? It’s what happens outside the bed, you got it very well said.
“this is about what happens OUTSIDE the bedroom”
THIS!! My issues, apart from the abysmal writing, was how Christian treats Ana outside of sex, which informs the way he treats her sexually as well. That he actively stalks Ana, purchasing her place of work and tracking her whereabouts through an app on her phone (“No place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone—remember?”). He controls her behaviors, her food intake, and dictates who she is allowed to spend her time with, isolating her from friends and family. He belittles her, threatens her and blames her. Classic abuser behavior. As a consequence, Ana is afraid of making Christian angry, afraid to talk to her friends, and insecure in her own personhood (“He’d probably like to beat seven shades of sh*t out of me. The thought is depressing”). Even Jamie Dornan has talked about being disturbed by it. The fact that the BDSM community criticized it is telling as well.
It’s no wonder that those who work with victims of domestic violence pointed out the danger of marketing this as harmless entertainment. It reinforces the dangerous thinking that a woman can “fix” a broken man. Impressionable women will think that life can actually work this way.
It makes me think that Dakota (and E.L.) have never been in a healthy romance to see just how dysfunctional this fictional one is. When you’ve had experience with someone that respects you, listens to you and wants the best for you it’s not difficult to see the sickness at the core of Christian and Ana’s relationship.
I know that Jamie Dornan’s performance was criticized in the movie, but I don’t think it was the “icky” sex parts that he couldn’t handle, but the generally abusive behaviour that was supposed to be viewed as romantic in the movie. He would have also been comparing this to his character in The Fall, who acts in a similar way, but yet is a serial killer and viewed as a complete sociopath in that show. He probably couldn’t completely get over how disturbing that was.
Dakota seems pretty dumb and desperate for fame, and I agree that she probably has no idea what a healthy romance is, because playing this role “straight” and not as camp, or a horror, should disturb any actor who understands healthy relationships.
nic, you made my point exactly. The fact that the behavior isn’t designed to leave the reader or viewing opining that it’s dysfunctional is the biggest problem. Artists do a great disservice to society when they portray something that is destructive to relationships as being something that is at best not a big deal or at worst something to aspire to or desire. The Fall made it perfectly clear how his murderous actions destroyed both his life and others.
Just to add: He sells her car without asking her. (Oh but it’s okay because he buys her a new one!) *eyeroll*
I 100% agree. It’s not the sex that makes the relationship abusive. It is everything else.
I think maybe SHE is uneducated about ABUSE.
But what is she supposed to say? Yes it was abuse, don’t go see my movie? This is all on EL James.
But Dakota made the choice to portray Ana, so she shares blame by propagating the ideas of the book that many are criticizing a dysfunctional.
As is an enormous segment of our society who gluttonously consumed the book and flocked to the theaters to see it in action. THAT is why it is a dangerous thing. So many people feel that abuse can only be physical or verbal, but the psychological can and often is so much worse.
My sister-in-law–who has a Master’s in social work and has been a social worker for 15 years read all 3 books and in her EDUCATED opinion it IS abuse. Please, Dakota, tell us more about your, er, educated opinion…
It isn’t the fact that there’s spanking. That’s not what we’re talking about. It’s not even necessarily the why or the how. It’s the fact that he wanted to control every aspect of her life–he made Ana sign a contract detailing things like what she was allowed to eat and that she couldn’t gain weight. He took advantage of a young naive girl, crossed the line many times, and yet she still kept going back because she really didn’t know anything else and made excuses for him. It’s the mental abuse more than any kind of pain-for-pleasure that disgusts us “educated” folk.
It’s not charming or romantic to be involved with a controlling abusive man. It’s frightening and soul-sucking. And the notion that they can be fixed by the love of a good (submissive?) woman (doormat) is naive and self-deceptive. Spoken by too many years of experience to want to admit. I find the fact that this story has been embraced by such scores of women, especially young ones, very saddening.
So, why is this book so popular? They publishers cranking out hard copies,and the author is sitting on a mountain of $. I never read it and it sounds awful. But, she did something remarkably, lottery winning level of successful in the publishing industry: she wrote something a LOT of people want to read. So, who are enjoying this book and why?
I wonder the same.
Years ago, my cousin who was in high school at the time, was assigned to read “Twilight” for class. After I read it, I was appalled that an educated adult would assign such a poorly-written book for her students. Whatever happened to the classics?
“‘I think that is an uneducated opinion. Maybe because I know more about the BDSM world, so it makes sense to me, but everything that these characters do, they make the decision to do it.’”
except a dom would never behave the way christian does and he should always tell her what exactly will happen during their bdsm moments and how the dom should take care of the sub after the encounter (he never does this which is basically bdsm 101 and the one thing i remember reading people that practise bdsm is how bad it’s all portrayed) and how in no way a bdsm relationship is about deciding what birth control she should use (this was in the movie and i remember how upset he was when she joked she was using one of her own and it was so horrible to look at), then yeah, i guess that’s the common bdsm enviroment, which ana and christian arent in. i still like you, dakota, and i know you’re just defending your work and the studio you work for, but still, this makes me a lil sad. better she takes the million than el james tho, thats for sure
I feel like people who have never had a day of education beyond high school should probably avoid talking about the “uneducated” opinions of others.*
*Not that you can’t be academically inclined and ignorant, but let’s not pretend that this woman is seriously informed about anything beyond Hollywood politics.
I read the first book. I was expecting Ana to be insipid as so many have said but I didn’t see her that way. She came across as young and inexperienced and a bit naive however she did stick up for herself and she didn’t cave in to all Christian’s demands. She didn’t even sign the contract and in the end she walked away from the relationship because she knew it wasn’t what she wanted. My daughter told me Ana does sign the contract in the film, which is disappointing. I’ve only read book one so I can only base my opinion on that.
What I dislike about the story, aside from the high-school level writing, is that it perpetuates the unhealty mindset that a woman can change the bad boy, be the one woman that calms him, the only one he actually loves, etc. It’s a fantasy many women waste a lot of their lives trying to capture, to their emotional and sometimes physical detriment.
I haven’t read the books but from what I’ve heard Christian changes by the last book. Clearly he engages in abusive behavior and some of that behavior (stalking for example) is romanticized. But it SOUNDS like he’s forced to change. I could be wrong about this though. So someone whose read the trilogy – feel free to correct me.
Anyway it sounds to me like the more dangerous message is exactly what you noted:
“What I dislike about the story, aside from the high-school level writing, is that it perpetuates the unhealthy mindset that a woman can change the bad boy, be the one woman that calms him, the only one he actually loves, etc. ”
Yeah that’s a fantasy many women have and is probably a huge reason the books are so popular. It’s not that a bunch of “stupid women want to be abused” It’s that they love the idea their love can save a screwed up man.
Read all three ( I know I know shame on me, a lot of free time on my hands). In the end SPOILERS he marries her and they have 2 children and they go on to have sex, BDSM sex apparently (she is 6 months pregnant when she is giving him oral while being tied up if i remember correctly) and YES the idea is that she changed him and helped him to become a better person. I felt so much rage through all the 3 books. There were so many wrong things going on that i can’t even write all but HE IS AN ABUSER through and through. I have never been abused in my life and i know for sure i don’t want that kind of relationship. Saw the movie also ( i was forced by me FEMALE friends). It was slightly better but…..
But that’s the thing, he doesn’t change at all. She changes her behavior to cater to him. He does nothing to change how he is at all.
Speaking as someone who read the books and hated every minute of it. (I wanted to have an informed opinion).
I agree with the author. She’s wrong here, obviously, but I saw this as an attempt to defend her job rather than the book. I wonder if Jaime Dornan will be asked the same.
I havent read the book or seen the movie, so I could be wrong easily, but from what I understand, it does sound like a glorification of an unhealthy relationship. On a shallow note, her hair is ALWAYS a mess no matter how nice the rest of her looks.
I know she has to sell her movie, but there are better ways then this. Insulting and patronizing people who have real genuine concers on what this movie glorifies is not the way to do it.
My problem with this is I can understand the points both Dakota and the comments on here are making, and I also feel that maybe people are mixing the whole trilogy together when Dakota only was in book one so far. I kind of wonder if Dakota read the books at all, and I have my doubts. Not that I could blame her, I did read them after the big hype. Yes the writing is horrible, and EL James needs an editor and proofreader about as bad as I have ever seen one needed. I am also more than surprised that Stephenie Meyer didn’t go after her for this, because some of the ideas are straight from the Twilight saga. Seriously who but a vampire goes on about a girls scent, unless they stink. It was kind of silly.
In the movie yes Christian wants to control her, but he spells it out in a written contract which she never signs nor does he do anything to her she does let him do. I feel at least in the first movie and script which I could see what Dakota was saying she is just exploring a kinky BDSM lifestyle. When she finally sees and feels what it is about she leaves. While this is not a healthy relationship, I just feel that domestic abuse is more than that and rarely comes with a written contract that you can decline and leave if you want. It is just so unrealistic to real abuse, I don’t see the anger with movie one, and it really didn’t glorify sex or anything. It was kind of bland.
Again, once you get to books two and three, I totally see the point, and let’s see what Dakota says then when they write that script. My problem with the movie was that I just don’t see why she would be so head over heals in love with him to try this. Even though her character was more developed than the book, you do just keep wondering why would she fall for this guy.
Doesn’t he sell her car and get her a new one without her consent or input in the movie? Wouldn’t that normally be called theft? Just that one move alone makes him a controlling asshole in the movie. This guy is an abuser even before any of the sex happens, which is the problem with the movie.
Julia Roberts did Sleeping with the Enemy over twenty years ago and her husband did a lot of the same stuff, but it was not played as a romance. It is sad that we have regressed on this issue because of idiotic Twlight fanfic and studios who want to cash in on a trend.
She knew he was going to have Taylor sell her car. She had agreed to it.
I totally agree with noway. There was no physical abuse. There were safe words and a contract. It’s an awful book series, but if we blow the whistle of domestic abuse on every little thing, the world will become desensitized to it. We don’t want that.
What exactly is “real abuse”?
Because my ex did all of these things to me-without a contract, of course-YEARS before he started “actually” abusing me, which I assume YOU mean ONLY includes the physical. By the time he started physically abusing me, I was so emotionally run down, isolated, and controlled by him that I didnt have the wherewithal to get out. THAT’S REAL ABUSE. THAT’S WHAT THEY DO. THAT’S HOW IT WORKS. The only difference in this book is that the author-whjo is an idiot-tried to couch the abuse in a faux-BDSM relationship so that people like you wouldn’t think it was “real abuse.”
SMDH
@anon33 sorry you had to go through that. REALLY glad you got out. Stories like yours are the reason I cannot take this drivel as “just fiction”. It is dangerous and it glamorizes abuse. He never lays a hand on her outside the bedroom -er, except that time he beats the crap out of her with his belt- but he emotionally abuses her from day 1. I just don’t get why people are so hell bent on trying to rationalize this crap. It. Is. Abuse.
I have been in a relationship exactly like this. He never hit me, but I remember thinking to myself “he’s going to hit me within 6 months”. That’s NOT NORMAL. It DOES NOT feel good. I can tell by the comments on here, who exactly understands what is going on in this book. Anon33 understands it. Not the BDSM, but the PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE!
I’ve lived this type of relationship. It kills your soul. People who are defending it and saying it’s not abusive have never been in a relationship like this. Clearly.
This has been my issue with this series and now the movies. Abuse is being defined as physical only when it starts with manipulation and control on an emotional level, which is what happens here. And then it escalates. People need to read about the concept of grooming because that fits here. She is a naive sheltered girl who gets isolated from outside influences after she meets this guy. The BDSM aspect is a red herring and not the point. She never really has any agency.
It is just sad that this has gained so much popularity because once again controlling behaviour is being normalized as romantic. It is not.
A pet peeve of mine that is growing in leaps and bounds, consistent with its frequency in use: Calling people who disagree with you “uneducated” (or its derivative “educate yourself”).
It is the height of arrogance and patronizing personal put-down. You are calling the other person ignorant but trying to sugar coat it in a passive aggressive way.
I simply growl any time I read that phrase. Discuss the issues–fine. Disagree–fine. But don’t call other people “uneducated” (and don’t say “educate yourself”.)
That’s all I got. Didn’t read the book, didn’t see the movie. No interest in either. SO I won’t opine on them.
I really don’t see these books leading scores of impressionable young girls down some dark path, any more than Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre did- and no, clearly these are infinitely better written- that’s not the point. The dynamics of domestic violence are myriad. However, don’t ever recall anyone saying after reading WH that ” I’m off to find my own Heathcliff”. They are fictional characters, just like CG. And like others have noted- Dakota is not going to say anything negative- that character is her job for at least the next few years!
I wonder if she meant uneducated in a general sense or uneducated about the book series. I do think that this book romanticizes an emotionally abusive relationship, but I also think that the media in general tends to rile itself up really quickly and it’s so easy to jump on a bandwagon. You can’t say a movie is bad if you’ve never seen it. And you can’t say a book portrays something awful if you haven’t even read the back cover.
I will say, though, that I thought the movie was much better than the book, character-wise. And Ana does grow some balls in the second book. (I swear I’m not a Fifty Shades fanatic, I’m just a bookaholic).
Well I think she’s talking about the people that haven’t read the books. If people say it’s abuse and read them it’s an honest opinion, if you say it’s abuse and haven’t read them, how can you actually know beyond what everyone else is saying? I’m don’t agree with her statement about the content of the books, but I do think there are people that hate the books because they see everyone else doing it. It happens a lot with the general public. The books are poorly written and the storyline is tragic but I say this from a person that has read the first book, not from others opinions. When I dislike something it goes beyond what others think.
So the multiple callouts by actual BDSM practitioners saying the books glorify abuse and this is NOT how BDSM is supposed to be, are also ‘uneducated’, eh, Dakota?
I really hope they are paying her enough money to justify spouting that garbage. Like, seven figures at least.
Put simply ladies ….That quote is coming from a woman who is about as talented and educated as a box of rocks !…….I read the book I disliked it excessively because of the authors attempt to justify this the “hero ” treatment of the female as being romantic and the female utterly completely spinelessness as sweet and innocent….I don’t know about you younger ladies but if a man tried this on one of my generation he would end up with a Bobbit or dead…..and one woman with any bit of a backbone would allow it and find it sexy…..We did start and being about the Feminist Movement to get away from this kind of thing not promote it…. As for the movie it was badly directed , badly acted and tried to sell it as something romantic…Ugh….Give me a strong confident woman anytime over this helpless limp noodle…
If you had seen the movie RockytopNC…..you would see that she was probably the best part of the movie. She was really good and I have to admit I was surprised.
That really not a recommendation for the movie , because she is so bland and unappealing….and honestly find her dull as dishwater….but that just my opinion and doesn’t make me a hater …
You could take away my animal cookies, my vodka and my Tatcha skin products and I still wouldn’t watch that film or read that paper turd (I will not call it a book). However, I do believe that people can enjoy their pleasures and it does not constitute abuse at all. When BDSM is done correctly, all parties are consenting, aware of ALL of the rules, follow them to the letter, etc. If someone steps out of line (esp.in the “community”) there are repercussions, i.e word gets around, or you are asked to leave, etc. As long as you are respectful and adhere to the guidelines, I say “Flog away” if that’s what you are in to.
How old is she? She looks like a rough 40 in the picture.
I agree with her: there was not a moment in the movie when Ana couldn’t walk away and say “No.” It’s not a movie about abuse. It’s a relationship of two grown ups who are in it for their own reason but neither keeps the other in it against her (or his) will.
And please, if anyone is worried about whips and stuff, sex should be whatever the two people involved in it want it to be.
I agree with you TessD. She was an active and willing participant in the book and the movie. He gave her the option to leave and gave her words to use when she wanted him to stop. And when she did push him and he went too far…..she walked away. And…throughout the books he goes to a psychologist and works on why he is the way he is and he improves greatly. But he was never mean to her in the book. And….she seemed to enjoy most of the stuff he did. I’m not in to BSDM (other than handcuffs which sound kind of fun) but I am not someone who should judge what others (willingingly) want to explore.
Yup, I know I feel like I have heaps of agency in my relationship when a guy tells me he’ll just track my phone whenever he wants. I feel especially respected when he comes to my house and has sex with me without my consent.
What Ange said.
Also, “Those calling the relationship abusive are uneducated…I think that is an uneducated opinion. Maybe because I know more about the BDSM world”, hmmm funny, because I clearly remember that some of the loudest criticism (at least on the blogsphere) of the book came from BDSM communities.
The Christian Grey character is dysfunctional and controlling. I don’t ever remember the Ana character being anywhere against her will. I remember watching the film online and him telling her at least six times that he is a dysfunctional, but she still wants to be with him. When a person is abused whether isn’t emotional or physical abuse, they usually do not find out about the abuser’s horrible ways until after they’ve gotten into a relationship with them. The Ana character knows all this before sleeping with him. A person in an abusive relationship may not have the option of leaving that relationship like the Ana character. She could have left several times from what I recall.
“Maybe because I know more about the BDSM world, so it makes sense to me, but everything that these characters do, they make the decision to do it.”
I think she does not get the point the other side is making at all. This has nothing to do with the sex.
She doesn’t have “it”. And I couldn’t finish reading that crappy book let alone see the movie. Pure garbage!
I’m in a BDSM relationship. Ana and Christian’s relationship is abuse. Full stop. There is no “grey” area here. Dakota does not know what she’s talking about.
And I am incredibly tired of people claiming the sick, abusive relationship in that book is BDSM. E.L. James spends all three books INSULTING people who are in BDSM relationships. Christian’s a “dom” (really a heinous abuser, but James doesn’t know the difference) because he was abused. Ana’s too “strong” to be a sub, and the books make clear that James thinks any woman who is a sub is totally messed up. That BDSM is gross and yucky and the only thing you can do with someone who likes it is to “cure” them of their sickness.
The books not only misrepresent kink. They’re incredibly anti-kink.
Couldn’t agree with her more. I grew up in an abusive home and it was NOTHING like this!
Suddenly everyone has a degree in psychology and they know everything there is to know about BDSM. I guess I’ll hop on the 50 shades train too.
It is about abuse, but it’s more nuanced than that. It’s mainly about control. One participant is in the role of controller and the other in the role of controllee, with the controlled agreeing to a level of abuse. That the abuse is sexually stimulating is another subject altogether. It’s masochistic, which is a form of willingly accepted abuse. She’s right, but not quite.
It sounds like the relationship in the book was far more destructive/abusive. I only saw the film thanks to a friend who desperately wanted to see it and no one would go with her. Hey, at least I can slam it in an informed way now. My take from the film was that Ana was a strong person for walking away in the end and CG was an emotionally damaged mess who was hopeless and would never be happy. He was one dimensional and could only have a certain kind of relationship. She did get ‘punished’ but she requested it so she could see just how far he would go to hurt her, and that act made her leave. I think I identified with the character a bit and therefore refuse to see her as a victim, again, in the way she was portrayed in the film. I kind of saw it as a metaphor for the crap relationships we’ve all had where we chose the wrong person and it took hitting rock bottom, ie allowing something truly pathetic to happen, to finally slip the switch.
1. This young woman using any word with the root of “educate” is hilariously ironic. I love when Hollywood people make generalizations about, well, anything.
2. Spoiler Alert: Naïve young woman has a gorgeous, fabulously wealthy freak pursue her creepily because he thinks she is everything a woman should be though he’s never bothered with her type before, but he is going out on a limb just for her. He recognizes she is a good girl because he comes from an amazingly normal albeit fabulously wealthy family who welcome her with open arms, like all fabulously wealthy families welcome a young woman with no money. He is deranged, but it isn’t his fault, and in between amazing orgasms he saves her from a letch at work, showers her in pinch-me-I-must-be-dreaming gifts, is inconceivably faithful (and psycho at the thought of her not being same), falls hopelessly in love with her, changes his evil ways, straightens out psychologically, learns to be happy making vanilla love, becomes the perfect husband and father. Not the perfect modern love story? Let’s hope not, that would be really sad. I’ve been in and known a lot of women over the years who had variations of this scenario, and “well” is not how any one of the stories ended. The books are a must-read for young women to learn what traits in a man to run from. Any one of them.
Yep ! I think the tried to hit on every modern media , hollywood version of what women really want….you know the tired over worked woman whos having to work , take care of the family , with a worthless or no working mate dreams about the strong domaineering alpha male who will take care of her and make all the decisions…etc etc ….that is what they are selling but this movie is NOT that at all its pure sex and abuse ….
So, I think to really understand this book we have to remember that it was fanfiction written based on two people who played characters in Twilight. I’ve always felt that given the absence of people actually knowing KStew and RPatz they made a whole slew of stuff up, and since they didn’t have much to go on it was an easy route to base who they are as people off of their characters in Twilight.
Twilight was a hot mess of controlling and stalking behaviors. I don’t care if the characters were based off of animals or this was the author’s shameful attempt at creating the ever mythical “alpha male” but in my opinion, she missed the mark by a long shot. But if Twilight is the mold then this book/movie follows in its footsteps to a T.
The problem I have is now suddenly BDSM is getting mixed up in all of this and now people are screaming that BDSM is basically abuse of women and is an unhealthy relationship. But the two don’t necessarily equal the other, and that’s the part that’s so frustrating. Just because this book has both BDSM and an unhealthy relationship does not mean that the two are mutually exclusive. It makes me so mad!
People are using this as another excuse to shame one another and really? REALLY?! You’ve got people everywhere spouting their opinions about what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms! What people are missing, which is the main point, is that even if you took the BDSM OUT of the relationship between Ana and Christian it would STILL BE UNHEALTHY.
AH! People are making me CRAZY with this.
What an absolutely ignorant and misguided thing for this girl to say. Her own education level must be greatly limited to spout off such complete rubbish.