I have long said I consider Miley Cyrus to be a danger to this country. Hell, to the whole world. There are so many things that are downright evil about that girl; I wouldn’t even know where to start. Actually, I think I’d start with the 16-year-old’s creepy relationship with 20-year-old boyfriend, Justin Gaston. And the fact that her entire celebrity is built on this Disney-wholesome image, yet she and her family make no attempt to hide that she’s dating this much older guy and they have sleepovers together. Or just that I find her insanely annoying.

So it comes as no surprise that Miley is trying to give us all Salmonella. I was sure she’d use some sort of bacterial foodborne illness to bring us to our knees so she could rise to power, and I was right. Or something.

Snacks from Miley Cyrus’ “Hannah Montana” food range have been pulled from shelves due to suspected salmonella contamination.

The 16-year-old’s Hannah Montana Chocolate Granola Bars have been withdrawn from stores over a peanut scare.

The Canadian Food Inspection Agency issued the recall notice on Friday after officials discovered the snacks contained nut products which were part of the widespread peanut recall that hit the U.S. and Canada earlier this year.

[From the San Francisco Chronicle]

As much as I wish to see Miley get some flack over this – or at least get sent to her room (without a sleepover buddy to occupy her time), obviously she’s blameless. Unless you live in China. Someone wrote to E! News and asked if they could sue Miley if they got sick. The answer was pretty cool.

God, that would be fun, wouldn’t it? I mean, once you ceased to vomit your spleen out of your eye sockets. As amusing as the pretrial publicity would be—would she have to appear in wig?—the reality is, Miley Cyrus is pretty much bulletproof in this situation. She’s only a face on a package, not a peanut mogul or granola-bar maker. All that said, there’s always one exception to everything.

There is one way that Miley could, in fact, get dragged into court over offensive peanuts and sickening bar. It’s unlikely, but here goes… Do you live in China? That would help, says attorney Bill Marler, who represents victims in food-poisoning cases. “China has recently passed a law saying someone who becomes sickened from a product can sue someone who puts their name on the product or is part of the campaign for the product,” Marler tells me.

But in the U.S., Marler says, we have no such laws. “Your only recourse is against the people who made the granola bar,” Marler says, “and the company in Georgia that produced the peanuts.” In other words, unless Cyrus actually owns the facility that made the recalled item—in this case, a granola bar—her millions (or $1 billion in worth, if you believe the reports) is untouchable.

[From E!’s The Answer Bitch]

I pray, pray, pray that Miley Cyrus owns a peanut plant. I know the odds aren’t great, but I bet she’s got some random investments here and there, right? I’m just trying to protect myself in advance. You see, I have a serious peanut butter addiction. It is soul consuming. I have eaten so much peanut butter that it has given me severe digestive issues. And I’ve done it at least ten times (side note: after perusing the FDA’s website, I’ve easily eaten 7 out of 10 of the possibly tainted peanut butter items). No consequence gets in the way of me and some creamy peanut goodness. Salmonella, intestinal blockages – I don’t care, it’s absolutely worth it. But if I could potentially blame it on Miley Cyrus? That’s an actual incentive.