Bob Dylan is so desired and famous that he has full-time bodyguards. These men are paid to keeps the fanatics off of Bob, and if need be, they would probably take a bullet for him. The bodyguards are probably paid very well for the services they render. But no matter how much they get paid, no matter how well they protect Bob Dylan, he won’t let them use the bathrooms inside his Malibu compound.

So what to do? Bob had portable toilets installed on the grounds of his Malibu home, specifically for the bodyguards’ usage. Apparently, those guys just dump all of the time, because the “fumes” emanating from the Port-a-potties are messing up the neighborhood. Neighbors complained about the stank, and now public health officials are investigating the situation. The Daily Telegraph has more:

The folksinger and civil rights campaigner Bob Dylan is facing a protest in his own backyard after neighbours complained about a noxious portable toilet in the grounds of his California home.

Dylan, 67, who had the 1963 hit “Blowin’ in the wind”, is under investigation by public health officials over whiffs emanating from a lavatory used by security guards at his cliffside compound at Point Dune, Malibu.

One couple, David and Cindy Emminger, claim the singer has ignored repeated requests to deal with the problem, forcing them to install five industrial-sized fans to divert the smell.

They claim that even the fans have not had the desired effect, as the Pacific breeze that sweeps across the area forces the odours back in their direction. “It’s a scandal – ‘Mr Civil Rights’ is killing our civil rights,” said Mr Emminger.

He alleged that the lavatory, which was installed on Dylan’s grounds six months ago, had made parts of his family home uninhabitable. He also claims his eight year old son has fallen ill from the fumes, which he describes as being from a “toxic, hazardous, carcinogenic chemical toilet”.

His wife told the Los Angeles Times. “I couldn’t figure out at first where the smell was coming from, until I finally noticed that they had moved the porta-potty directly in front of my front door. We both have allergies and are sensitive to chemicals.”

The newspaper claimed than a city public health inspector was sent to inspect the Dylan property in January, but was turned away and accused of trespassing by the security staff.

Malibu Mayor Andy Stern said, however, that no other neighbours seemed to have experienced problems.

Dylan, who is also famous for songs such as “Like a Rolling Stone” and “All Along the Watchtower”, has not yet commented on the row, despite it attracting considerable publicity locally. One California television crew even hovered over his property in order to capture video footage of the offending commode.

[From The Telegraph]

I chuckled when the neighbor complained “We both have allergies and are sensitive to chemicals.” It’s not an allergy, dude, you just don’t want your property to smell like sh-t. It’s a simple as that, you don’t have to talk about an “allergy” or “sensitivity” to the smell. No one blames you. It would be fun to pass off things I don’t like or want as an “allergy”. I have an “allergy” to physics. I have a motorcycle sensitivity.

Besides that, I don’t really get why Bob Dylan needs all of these bodyguards. He’s very famous, and yes, he probably has more than a few stalkers. So if he really, really needs full-time bodyguards, just let them do the number two in the house. Enough with the port-a-potties.