You are looking at a photo of Gwyneth Paltrow’s aura. Seriously. In one of Gwyneth’s latest Goop-letters, she and her Goop staff agreed to be photographed by one of those special cameras that capture people’s “auras”. The cameras have been around for years, and some people believe that this is really a thing. That we’re releasing energy and auras and such. Eh. I mean, I sort of believe that people can have bad or good auras, but “reading” one’s aura from a special photograph? Nope. What’s really funny about this Goop-letter is that Gwyneth’s “aura” proves that she really is a special person and unlike all of the Goop-peasants that work for her. Of course. This is what Radiant Human said about Gwyneth’s aura:
“I rarely see an arc of green and yellow together—as they actually present a polarity that can be hard to reconcile. Because it’s an arc, it’s either a direction GP is reaching for, or it’s something that she has in her life and holds on a pedestal.
“So in color psychology, yellow is fashioned after the sun—it’s easygoing, expansive, creative, and it also indicates intelligence. People say, ‘Oh, they’re so bright,’ or they talk about shedding light on a subject—those are qualities of yellow. It’s a capable, loving, smart, and generous color that’s also very fun.
“Green represents ambition and being career-oriented. Green wants to work long, hard hours—as long as necessary to achieve its goals. Think of the green in nature—a tree pushing toward the sun, or a vine fighting its way up a trellis—green perseveres, it has determination and focus. It can be stubborn and impatient. It can hold on tight.
“So the arc indicates a polarity: Push and pull, being generous and saving money, holding on and letting go, working hard and having fun. Mediating those energies is hard, particularly because of the presence of blue throughout the photo, including across and around GP’s face. Blue is an emotional color, and it indicates that she feels things very deeply.
“The magenta is also fascinating: It’s the combination of red and purple (rather than separate hues, like what you see in the yellow and green above), and so it’s creative willpower. The purple is visionary and high-concept—it requires believing it’s part of a positive change in the world, of imagining what the world could be. When integrated with red, it becomes action-oriented. It means that she’s actually putting it out there and making moves to turn the vision into reality.”
So basically Gwyneth is all the things. All the POSITIVE things. She is the most generous, most hard-working, most understanding, most deeply emotional and feeling person in the world. I mean, you wouldn’t pay thousands of dollars to have an aura-reading for the people to tell you that you’re a self-absorbed, humble-bragging, name-dropping elitist snot, right?
Meanwhile, Gwyneth and Chris Martin are on a holiday together with their kids in Mexico. Spring break!!! You can see some photos here.
Photos courtesy of Instagram, WENN.
April Fool’s day was yesterday.
PUNKY you win the internets today!
Lmao
Ditto!
YES. Her face in that top pick looks so bemused yet arrogant….all-at-once. And if it weren’t enough that Gwyneth passive-aggressively tells us all about herself by instructing the rest of us how to live via Goop, she now has the paid-shill expand upon her wonderful aura. I wish she would just make a movie, but she, like so many other celebrities, has fell victim to the social media-infused personal branding that has exponentially grown like a cancer in the past 8 years. Monetize those mouseclicks, baby.
I love her. She’d ridiculously easy to poke fun of. I hope she continues to troll us till the end of time. I hope her children inherit her trolling so generations to come can also feel the same joy.
Obviously I need my chakras aligned, but this made me laugh. The Goop that keeps giving!
Long live The Goop!
The joy you just brought me. Thank you.
PunkyMomma, you win at life!!!
This is all I have to say: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
IMO, for certain, she is not the most beautiful woman in the world!!!
Did you see the beach bikini photos?? Oh my, I was not at all impressed. Supposedly she has this amazing, healthy diet and works out with super trainer Tracey Whatshername? Whaaaaa???
God, get over yourself.
As a common woman, I don’t share Supergoop’s aura, but at least we both have physical bodies and beating hearts!
Looks like a 60s lsd trip. Like, groovy, goopy.
probably just the vapors she gives off post-vadge steaming
People are looking at me funny because I just snorted.
And I thought guys are stupid for paying strippers for positive attention…
LMAO! I know! Right! Geez, I have so many tales about stupid men and the strippers* that used them. (*I am not implying all strippers are out to make fools of men, with too much disposable cash. I just have not met any of them yet.)
But yes… people believe what they want to believe. And Gwyneth, bless her heart, is determine to prove she is the chosen one of all things perfect.
Oh puhlease, Biggest crock of BS I’ve ever come across today ….
I’m not going to knock it since there are people who really believe in this stuff.
LOL!…you just know that Goopy demanded a do-over about a dozen times because each time the test was done, Goopy’s “aura” came out beige.
Goop: “Beige?!…again?!…oh, fuck it just write that my aura is rainbow colored…the peasants will never know…
What ever happened to judging people by their actions?
I need an aura too. I never know when my seizures are coming. Would it be all positive colors like Gyeneth?
She always has droopy hair, expressions on her face and posture
Which colour means insufferable?
classic!
*coughBULLSHITcough*
I don’t believe in auras but Goopy’s seem to be a contradictory mix and not exactly positive traits only.
Is there any evidence of auras? I’ve never heard a thing.
She’s just soooo boring.
Did it also confirm that she’s a narcissistic elitist snob?
Thanks for the laugh today. I like Gwyneth. But I am embarrassed for Gwyneth some days, and this is one of them.
This looks like one of those cheesy Olan Mills portraits from the ’70’s.
So, by goop’s reasoning, she is the most special of us all. She is the best, she has the best, she does the best, etc. WE, on the other hand are common, dull, simple and our lives have little meaning. And now, she has the photographic evidence to prove it. Okay. So, how about we tell her she wins, we finally see, we know in our hearts beyond a shadow of a doubt that she, goop, is extraordinary in all ways. Will she go away than? Leave us in peace? Stop having to show us? Goop, you win. Take your photo, have it enlarged, hang it on your walls, get copies, whatever. And than…….please please please please please please, etc., GO AWAY.
Yes baby girl, you are a special flower. Now please go away.
Face like a fanny. Aura like a crack wh*re
It is weird to vacation with your ex, even if it is primarily with the kids.
Goopy is the comedy gold at the end of her rainbow aura.
It’s called ‘Kirlian photography’ Although I don’t believe in it, I do believe in auras.
Ha. HA. Sorry Goop; not true.
It looks like that aura photo was taken with some sort of cheesy phone app/filter!
I don’t know about this aura photography, but I have had run ins with people who were human black holes: they just sucked all the energy out of me. I dread them.