Olivia Wilde is promoting a new movie, Meadowland, which premiered at Tribeca. She’s wearing a scarf-necked Dsquared dress that makes me believe (along with last week’s fringed Marchesa dress) that she needs a new stylist. Livvy recently told Deadline how she fought hard for this role (as a mother whose child goes missing). I understand why Olivia would pursue the role — playing a mother is different from the hot girl/saloon girl/cool girl roles that Olivia usually plays. This is also personal to Olivia. Ever since she gave birth to baby Otis Alexander a year ago, Olivia’s very much embraced her real-life mom role.
Olivia has always been very outspoken and witty, and I wasn’t surprised to see her extend those qualities to mom-oriented issues like breastfeeding. She has gotten a little preachy though. Livvy has talked about “the gift of motherhood” already. She said motherhood bestowed her with a “freeing selflessness.” I bristled when she talked about looking like a mother because she sounded judgy. Now Olivia talks about how motherhood has expanded her ability to empathize. People spoke to Livvy as she and Sudeikis sipped Bombay Sapphire at the Meadowland afterparty:
On relating as a parent: “I think anyone who becomes a parent, their heart expands, and you empathize on a different level, and that’s what I think was required to tell this story as it should have been told. I don’t know if I would have been able to play [my character] Sarah without being a mother. “It’s actually kind of a gift of motherhood: You’re in touch with different levels of emotions. I think it’s all very connected.”
On balancing motherhood & work: “I feel very supported and just very lucky to be working on such good things. There are people managing much more complicated lives than me.”
On celebs who distance themselves from feminism: “Is that even true? I didn’t even know! I’m so clueless. I think people have a hard time understanding exactly what it means. If people understand it simply means equality, then possibly they would have an easier time standing up for that.”
Olivia says she never could have played this role without being a mother herself. She’s now able to empathize more than during her pre-mom days, which is fine. I just wish she didn’t make sweeping statements. The key to empathy is placing oneself in another person’s shoes, regardless of whether you’ve experienced the situation at hand. Perhaps Livvy is talking about sympathy, not empathy. It’s true that motherhood brings about new fuzzy feelings, but moms aren’t any more evolved than women who don’t have children (for whatever reason).
Olivia redeems herself by talking about feminism. She’s correct, a lot of people don’t know what the word means, and they don’t bother to educate themselves. I also like how Olivia recognizes that she has a less complicated working-mom life than a woman who works a traditional full-time job or stays at home with the kids and no outside help.
Here’s some more strange Trebeca fashion from Olivia. The diagonal-stripe dress is Tory Burch, and the sequin top and trousers are Christian Dior. Is she trying to pull off Jolie stying with the Dior?
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN
I think motherhood has also rendered her incapable of dressing well. Or something has. Man, that red dress is ugly. I’m not even going to respond to her sweeping statements about how mothers have more empathy than women who aren’t mothers. Whatever, Olivia.
I think she’s like a vintage road trip in these photos: she covers the 60s, 70s and 80s, right? I don’t hate the first dress on her, although I wouldn’t wear it myself.
Yes, very much so. I think I just look at those things and think “yuck, I’ve already done that.”
But you are a trailblazer. Beige Bootie Shorts frontrunner.
Ha! That would clear the trail, alright – me in beige booty shorts!
Yeah it looks like she got into my mom’s old trunk full of clothes from the 60s and 70s. I told her to keep that thing locked.
Kitten, is your Mom named Pandora?
Burn it.
I’m a new mom too and I think what she meant to say is “different levels of EXHAUSTION.”
Unless you can afford help. Then
I imagine it is all quite pleasant.
Not all who can afford it opt to get help.
Oh god – another celeb talking about motherhood and giving advices because they have now become a mother themselves…
How about we just say – every woman is different, every pregnancy is different, every bonding is different and every emotion is different and leave it at that?
I didn’t see her giving any advice, she was talking about how motherhood had helped her to empathize. And it is true for many women, I have heard a lot of them say they see things differently after the birth of a child. I have seen friends totally change their view on motherhood once they have become mothers. Olivia didn’t say that motherhood should be experienced by everyone to become a more accomplished person.
@splinter thank you! I didn’t see her saying mothers are better at all. Motherhood is such a huge experience in life, no doubt it will change you and your emotions/perspective. That’s just unavoidable. If you don’t want kids fine, but getting offended any time anyone talks about motherhood with happiness and pride is ridiculous. You made your choice, be happy with it.
@Hannah Preach!
I’m with Splinter. Motherhood is (hopefully for most folks), a growth experience that teaches you to look at yourself and the world in new ways. About 10% of the mothering experience intense and powerful and gratifying beyond words — which makes for a better sound bite than the exhausting and mundane 90% of the rest of it!
I cut new moms a hall pass for being obsessive — because it is a profound experience. And in these interviews, they are invariably going to ask about motherhood and it’s relationship to acting — so it’s probably not a topic Olivia introduced herself. It’s hard to tell what’s self-absorption and what’s selecting editing of the interview….
What motherhood does NOT do is negate the value of other relationships and experiences in life. It’s perfectly possible to have a deep, fulfilling life without becoming a parent. (As it’s also perfectly possible to continue having a shallow and pointless life after becoming a parent….)
Today is my best friend’s birthday. She passed away about a decade ago — so I’m thinking a lot of the value of my other relationships today. I was blessed to have known her, and it is a reminder to value all of the ones that I love.
Well said, and I’m sorry you lost your friend. I hope you have many wonderful memories of your time with her. It’s definitely true that losing someone important to you will really make you appreciate the good relationships in your life.
Lovely words. I’m a new mom and I enjoyed your thoughts.
Heeeere we go. Cue all the “how dare she imply that motherhood is one thing only or generalize about the experience, or suggest that I’m not as much of a woman or well-rounded being because I chose not to have kids” reactions.
–*I* think anyone who becomes a parent, their heart expands, and you empathize on a different level, and that’s what *I* think was required to tell this story as it should have been told. *I* don’t know if *I* would have been able to play [my character] Sarah without being a mother. It’s actually kind of a gift of motherhood: You’re in touch with different levels of emotions. *I* think it’s all very connected.–
In what way is she saying ANYTHING about ANY other person, mother or not? This is, entirely, about her own experience. I don’t get the “I wish she wouldn’t make sweeping statements” missive either. Can celebrities not respond to questions in an interview without all the doomsday, “she can’t speak for me” nonsense?
This. Maybe people’s egos are just so big that anything anyone says they think it applies to them.
Except she does:
– I think ANYONE who becomes a parent, THEIR heart expands, and YOU empathize on a different level, and that’s what I think was required to tell this story as it should have been told. I don’t know if I would have been able to play [my character] Sarah without being a mother. It’s actually kind of a gift of motherhood: you’re in touch with different levels of emotions. I think it’s all very connected.–
What a snarky response to such a vanilla article. They ask her questions about being a newly minted mother, which she is, and she seems to really enjoy answering. This is hardly a reason to get worked up.
I think celebrities should be banned from turning purple prose into purple speech.
“I like being a Mum. I understand all sorts of stuff that I didn’t really understand before I was a Mum.”
Plain English rocks.
That said, she’s right about feminism.
But then she wouldn’t be showing off her upbringing by journalists or the expensive education they bought her at Phillips Academy.
Oh Sixer, stop being so POSH with your talking and English and stuff.
Yes, that’s all she really said. Why are we getting so offended by it?
Exactly. People get so butthurt over everything now days…
EXCUSE ME, Kiddo. I am exhibiting “freeing selflessness” by sharing my opinions about strangled syntax. It’s just as well I’m a mother and able to empathise else I might have reacted aggressively to your online assault.
(Not EMPHASISE – see what I did there, with my English Ss and my punning/cunning talent?)
I hereby Knight thee with the greatest award ever granted, The Supreme Naff Goer, and so it shall be*:
http://www.tehcute.com/pics/201203/tutu-hedgehog.jpg
* cuts self with sword, carted off to hospital, Bellows “Free healthcare, whoopee!”, in ambulance, then promptly passes out at sight of blood.
Fun fact: one of my best village pals runs a hedgehog rescue hospital!
It involves equal amounts of cat food and flea-picking.
Again with the Ss. Thank gawd I have arrived to speak for the Zs *holds up placard reading “Give me Z or Give me Death”*
Now if you will excuse me, I must climb the nearest mountain to sing out the glory of motherhood and how I was only half a person before becoming a mother… maybe a quarter – no, merely a concept of a person.
Cheeze and pickle zandwiches all round!
Merely a potential of a mother?
It’s Cheez-its, for CRIZZAKES!
And LMAzzO at both (of) you
My youngest kid is obsessed with hedgehogs in the way a California kid (they’re illegal here) can be–sleeps with a hedgehog stuffie every night, is constantly doodling hedgehogs, had me follow a hedgehog on instagram, rereads Hedgehog in the Fog, etc. That hospital, fleas and all, would be her Brigadoon.
Aww, Birdix. The main task is to get orphans up to a weight where they can hibernate, hence the cat food.
Love it! imagining the tiny hoglets with full bellies finally drifting off safely to a winter sleep. We’re coming to the UK in a few months, she’ll be peering hopefully under every hedge.
Check the web before you come, Birdix. There are literally thousands of rescue centres. We love our hedgehogs here! I bet you could find somewhere for her to visit. Start at http://www.britishhedgehogs.org.uk/index.php.
I linked a really cute snoring baby hedgehog, but it got db-ed.
@Birdix, I completely read that as kids in California were illegal and thought, “whoops.” Whereas I was grateful for you having found me a way out, I am far too lazy to fill out the paperwork to emancipate them.
@Sixer – do not try to tempt me with your heavenly, two-slice concoctions. I cannot be seduced! *laughter ensues* *wipes tears* No, but really, I appreciate @Kiddo trying to smooth things over (I mean, who are we kidding? Look at that face) and for her sake, Imma gonna let you finish, but that is only because of how much I have evolved and expanded my ability to spell compazzion since becoming a mother, which is weird as I became a mother 10 years ago – I guess it just now kicked in?
Now, someone mentioned Cheez-Its?
Some people use expanded vocabularies without trying. Doesn’t mean they’re trying to impress anyone, it is just how they express themselves.
Wow, that first striped dress looks like a caftan thing one of the Golden Girls would wear. The second outfit is pretty ugly. And the fourth fits terribly. WHO is giving her fashion advice??
About the motherhood thing, I felt a huge change personally, like I would instantly die for either of my kids’ sake, etc. But I think it’s insensitive and disrespectful to imply that one can only experience this selflessness THROUGH motherhood. There are obviously mothers who horrifically abuse children, and childless people who devote their lives to others lovingly.
Ugh these type of statements are so self serving and sexist. You can’t claim to be a feminist and then claim the only way to be an empathetic person is to be a mother.
its Hollywood feminism. its about pandering to people, they are all professional sales peole. she wants to appeal to the traditional mothers > all crowd and to the feminist crowd.
i think generally we shouldnt ask those questions to celebs. so what if she says she is a feminist? by no means does it indicate she actually is.
George Clooney is called a feminist and talked about how ahead of the curve Hollywood is. how diverse are the movies he makes? he has the power and money to make a difference but he does not. how much does Georgie help women in Hollywood? but yeah he pays lipservice, lets applaud the man!
What planet are you on? She didn’t say anything you’re saying, obviously motherhood will change you and your perspective, how could it not? It’s such a huge life experience. She never once said it makes her better. How do you deal with life if you get offended over literally nothing? People talk about their own lives, no need to take everything so personally that you imagine something that isn’t there.
Who says you get to choose who a feminist is and how they feel or express themselves? I need to stop coming here, the level of righteous indignation towards anyone not falling into a tidy little box is getting stale.
From what I’ve seen of her roles (not much) she is not given much to do and that sucks if she can really act (have no idea). She should do an edgy indie to prove her stuff, if she indeed has it. Now would be the right time to re-invent herself. And stop with the ugly clothes.
Does she not realize there are a ton of horrible mothers out there? And there are a ton of people in therapy because they had horrible mothers. People need to stop perpetuating this idea that becoming a parent instantly transforms you into a warm, empathetic person.
You just took my words. I don’t see anything wrong about her saying how much motherhood expanded her emotions, it’s very personal, but when she says that “anyone who becomes a parent…” she’s being as clueless as she claims to be. I’ve known many horrible, selfish people who also gave birth.
You took the words right out of my mouth, Naddie. I don’t care if a mother discusses how it’s changed her as a person.
That said never every mother is a wonderful human being.
It’s only a gift if YOU REALLY WANT IT, otherwise it’s a burden and kids will suffer –> horrible parents. And if she couldn’t play a mother before, maybe she isn’t a good actress. More often than not actors are requested to play roles emoting circumstances they never lived in their lives and that’s when EMPATHY comes up (feeling with your imagination), because desperation and angst (I guess that’s what the film is about) are not just parents emotions, right? What a self-serving interview!
No one asked her about that nastiness with her good friend Harvey? Quelle D’ommage.
Yes, especially since she has always been a protege of Harvey’s — you’d think that as such a big feminist she’d have something to say about the groping/sexual harassment accusations…whether that was also her experience with Weinstein, and if so how she responded.
Her motherhood talk is annoying but I’m willing to give her a pass since my friends on Facebook, who just became mothers are even more annoying than her. No one forces me to read what she says but when I want to check my messages on Facebook or pictures some family member wants me to check, I’m automatically bombarded with “You’re not truly a fulfilled woman if you don’t have a child”, “You don’t know yourself until you’ve given birth” or “Check how cute my newborn is, if you don’t like this picture you are a heartless monster”.
Lol. I wouldn’t have a problem if she (and they) would just say “I feel that this experience has made ME a more empathetic person” instead of making a sweeping generalization about everyone. I think that my experience of wanting a child but not having one made me a more empathetic person, but I don’t think that’s the only way to grow or become fuller emotionally. Emotional growth usually comes through meeting challenges, and that was a huge challenge for me, as I’m sure motherhood is for many people. There’s more than one way around the barn.
Ugh, if anything motherhood has made me less emphatetic for the time being. A friend of us just found out she has breast cancer and she’s going to get a masectomy and I have not been able to be there for her the way I should be. And this weekend we went to the birthday of my husband’s grandmother and on the drive home I realised I hadn’t asked anyone how they were doing. My kid is not very easy at the moment and totally consumes my energy, but still, I feel like a shitty friend and family member and not this fountain of empathy and feelings on every level. I’m more pissed off than usual, that’s a feeling on a new level.
Oh, Wilma, you’re just tired. Don’t be hard on yourself. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time. I’m sure you’re doing more than you give yourself credit for. Hang in there. Sorry for the platitudes, but I hate to see you so down on yourself for something you can’t help.
I know, we’ll get through this and I’ll be more of my old self. I have reached the point though where I want to strangle celebrities who make grand statements about motherhood….
Oh and thanks for your kind words!
You’re welcome and I don’t blame you.
But good for you for recognizing that. I think motherhood does seem to make people more other focused, but those others are the little children. At least in the early years. I say this as a non-mother, who has friends constantly distracted by their kids to have conversations. But I also don’t really blame them; it’s all consuming in the early years.
Have we reached the saturation point of celebrities talking about motherhood? Because I’ve certainly hit mine.
What else is she going to talk about, her super hot career staring in the movie of the year everyone is waiting to see. Being a mother is the only thing interesting about her right now.
It’s not interesting when its from the people in my Facebook feed, and its not interesting when it’s someone at the Tribeca Film Festival.
Yeeeeaaah, I’m done.
They think their kids are great. They’re so in love. Motherhood is so great and they really feel all the feels now. They never have a nanny and boy do they miss sleeping. Blah blah blah.
When did everyone forget that babies aren’t actually very interesting?
You do change when you become a mother. I dont care what anyone says it’s different than loving your dog. Your emotions are much more on the surface which is what I think she is saying.
I don’t like all the b.s. sayings or the superiority that some mothers have over their non kid friends. I wouldn’t say you aren’t fulfilled until you have a child how would you know the difference? I was fine before I had a baby. Now I do not think I’m my best self their just isn’t time to worry about myself constantly like i use to
There…..my pet peeve…I hate when I do that
I agree. I’m a different person in some ways than I was when I didn’t have a child. I’m not more empathetic though; I’m still the snarky beyotch I was before I had him!
Trust me…your emotions are equally “on the surface” when you are an involuntarily childless woman in this mommy-centric world. Admittedly, those emotions tend more towards “I want to slap the hell out of someone” spectrum rather than the “Peace, love, and butterflies” kind, but the emotions are definitely there.
I wouldn’t have a problem with what she said if she just didn’t generalize and make it sound like everyone is the same. Of course you change when you have kids – but everyone is different, and the changes affect differently people in different ways.
I didn’t realise Olivia Wilde was a mother, she never talks about it.
I almost typed Megan Fox, I get these two mixed up
Why could she not have played that role if she were not a mother? Is she not an actor? Silly. I am also a mom but I always had empathy before becoming one as I am sure a good portion of people do, parents or not.
Thank you. I do know a very shallow woman who says things like this. I think being a mother did awaken some feelings in her that went deeper than “I’m so pretty.” She was completely shocked, and now thinks she’s Mother Earth. Lol but yeah, most people have it or they don’t.
yes like Kristen Stewart talking about how she can play only characters that are very near her.
i dont think they understand what acting means.
THIS ^^^
She’s beautiful but she’s not a very good actress. I actually believe her when she says that she couldn’t have played the role without being a mother first-her range is limited. Was she a model before she became an actress? If so, she should have just stuck with that. It’s funny to me how many times beautiful people think that because they are good looking they should be actors.
What is it with some women that when they become mothers their whole identity changes? They act like they are the first person to ever discover it. It’s just the same talking point over and over again. Basically, it Fox News: Mommy Edition.
She can’t play parts unless she actually IS the part? Not much of an actress then. She needs to find a new profession.
Why is she dressed like Mrs. Roper?
As someone who doesn’t have kids, I find it super boring when people talk about their kids. It’s even worse when people who have a profession that provides them with a lot of attention feed the industrial motherhood complex. Meryl Streep has four kids and she rarely talks about them.
difference is that Meryl Streep can rely on her talent.
Bam!:D Burn:P
+1, Kara!
It is boring when people drone on about themselves in general.
Industrial motherhood complex? Really? Cause motherhood wasn’t a thing in pre-industrial times?
I swear, I understand the annoyance, but I feel that all this whining about Hollywood mothers (and fathers) is just as grating as their bragging about how much better they have become. They are new parents, it is exciting, it is transformative, and they are allowed to say so. Yes, perhaps some of them could choose their words better, but OF COURSE she didn’t mean dead-beat dads and abusive mothers when she said that parents gain more empathy, does she really need to spell, though, or are we, as educated adults, capable of making that logic leap?
I sometimes feel that if I were a celebrity, I’d resent doing interviews so much because I’d feel like every statement I make needs 15 disclaimers to make sure I don’t offend someone by not making a comprehensive statement that covers every eventuality. She is not making a public statement that she thoughtfully prepared. She is just talking, who knows who the conversation was flowing, maybe she was just getting to clarifying something when topics were switched and she never finished her thought?
But Timbuktu, all she has to do is refer to her own joy and changes and how they have affected HER without saying that people who don’t experience motherhood don’t experience empathy. I’m sorry you’re bored with the “whining” but how would you feel if you were never going to have children and you had to hear this kind of crap all the time? Re-read her first paragraph. She says that mothers experience empathy and emotions on a completely different level THAN OTHER PEOPLE. That’s just bs. Maybe she experiences more empathy than she used to, or feels her emotions more than SHE used to, but who is she to say how other people feel or experience their emotions? I feel like you’re defending her as if she made a little slip of the tongue, but what she said was really insensitive. How about white women feel their emotions much more intently than black women? Or tall people are much more empathetic than short people? Just because she has given birth, she’s allowed to get away with that? Sorry, no.
@Timbuktu: for many actresses, motherhood breathes life into a stagnant career. There’s an awful lot of blog space to fill, and babies automatically make stars “MORE LIKE US”. When discussing the “motherhood industrial complex” we’re discussing women who choose to make their children and families a part of their career and their professional persona. It’s why we see so many paparazzi photos of stars at the pumpkin patch or the park playing with their children – it’s helping to maintain an image, and to keep their names in the gossip blogs and keep them relevant.
And more than the stars themselves, I resent the relentless coverage. Can I necessarily fault someone selling their baby pics for an astronomical amount of money? Probably not – I might make that same decision if presented. But I can fault People magazine for feeding this demand that seems to reduce women’s greatest role in life to that of “Mom”. Because that’s the conversation now: pregnancy, body after baby, baby name, all that.
@ ANN
I can’t LIKE your comment enough.
I was just having that same conversion with my mother b/c the only thing the ppl I work with talk about is their kids and of course work stuff but outside of that its all about what their kids are doing, the drama with the cheer leading team, the poop the little one makes, etc. I can’t deal with it sometimes b/c it bores me to tears. it’s not that I don’t like them or anything but they have no other interests or hobbies outside of their kids activities. I mean they dont even have their own music, tv shows, hobbies, interests in the outside world or news events..it’s kind of odd to me to say the least. Now I never wanted kids but I’d like to think that if I did I’d still keep some of my own interests or at least an interest in what’s going on in the world.
To say the daily conversations around me are limited would be an understatement and it isnt just with my current employer but even past ones it was the same thing. I do live in what’s considered a ‘family oriented’ area and maybe that’s why Im the odd one out b/c that doesnt appeal to me but jeesh, I couldnt imagine not even having music of my own that wasn’t just what my kids wanted to listen to.
No way! Someone changed after having a child?
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of such a thing!!!!!
Ikr? Revolutionary!
Amazing, isn’t it?
Celeb moms need to just shut up and help the nanny take care of their kids. Enough with their oh so important thoughts on motherhood. they act like they invented it.
@TIMBUKTU–your comment is perfection! Agree 1000%!
Pregnancy hormones do make people more sensitive and if you don’t have much empathy in the first place feeling sad because you see a picture of a captured gorilla or crying child is a revelation (personal experience there!!!). Many people already have that natural empathy and I would expect that most actors need it in the first place? She’s a bad actor though so maybe that explains it.
@TIMBUKTU..I also agree 1000%..well said
It’s probably true that she couldn’t have handled this role without having become a mother herself. That would have required actual acting ability.
I’m waiting for the day that Tom Hanks says he couldn’t have portrayed a castaway without feeling lost himself, or he couldn’t have saved Private Ryan without having experienced the horrors of war. Somehow he managed to handle Philadelphia without actually dying of Aids. That must be where the actual talent comes in.
Ha!