Years ago, I had the most amazing full-length mirror. I don’t know what was wrong with it, but it was the most flattering mirror I ever had in my life. It was like a fun-house mirror – it made everyone look tall and thin. It stretched people out slightly – not so much that they didn’t look like themselves, but just enough to make you feel great about yourself. Somewhere along the way, I lost that mirror. I think it found a home with Mariah Carey. Because that’s the only way to explain Mariah’s style these days – she has no idea what she really looks like.

These are photos of Mariah at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. She was doing a big event to celebrate her upcoming residency. And this is how our Elusive Chanteuse arrived at Caesars – wearing what looks like bedazzled full-body Spanx. Oh, Mariah!!! Girl, this does not look good. You know what? Mariah doesn’t have a bad figure at all – she’s a big, tall woman with a big bust and curves. Her curves shouldn’t limit her ability to look good, except Mariah has always poured herself into too-tight clothing and stuff that would only be flattering on someone super-skinny. And whoever told Mariah to wear a dress that draws attention to her waist (and she’s sucking it in too) needs to be fired from The Butterfly Cartel. It’s also hilarious that they made her stand in front of an insanely Photoshopped promotional image of herself.

A few days ago, Mariah released a new single called “Infinity”. It’s a diss-track against Nick Cannon. And it’s cheesy as hell. Her voice doesn’t sound great either, and it’s pretty obvious that all of the production magic in the world went into this.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.