Milla Jovovich recently welcomed a second daughter, Dashiel Edan, with husband Paul W.S Anderson. Back in the late 1980s when Milla burst onto the scene as a teenage supermodel, I would have never imagined her as a settled-down mother. She and Paul live a very family-oriented life and enjoy making bad zombie movies together. It works for them. Another thing that works for Milla is co-sleeping with her children. She’s always co-slept with 7-year-old Ever Gabo, and now the family bed grows more crowded with the addition of the new baby. Milla spoke with mommy blog Romy and the Bunnies to discuss why she co-sleeps:
She co-sleeps with Ever: “I’ve always been inspired by mothers in Third World countries. I feel that the connection with children and mothers is so strong in places where there are not so many ‘things’ to get in the way. No electronic distraction devices, no high tech baby equipment, just a mother carrying her little one everywhere, sharing a family bed and having the help of all the other women around to raise the baby. I always thought that the Western way of raising kids was so disconnected. Everyone has their cubicle at home, babies go into nurseries, little kids have their own rooms. You are so separated from one another! We have been co-sleeping for years with our daughter and I feel that it’s helped us so much to stay connected as a family.”
The benefits of co-sleeping: “Especially as my husband and I can have such tough work schedules making films, where we’re on set for at least 12 and sometimes 14 hours a day! Because we share sleep at night, our daughter naturally feels very connected to us and that in turn makes her want to please us! She trusts us and listens to what we say. There is an innate sense of respect between us all that I feel can be lacking with some of the other parents and children I see in our society. I feel that some problems that parents say are ‘typical’ i.e. arguing, defiance, tantrums, interrupting, disrespect, disobedience, screaming etc. we just haven’t had to deal with in any serious way!”
It works for Milla, but she doesn’t judge: “When our daughter was a baby, I was so used to living on another schedule that I was a zombie for the first few months! She was never a ‘good’ sleeper, so every 2 or 3 hours I was waking up to feed her and calm her. I never wanted to let her signals go unanswered and letting her ‘cry it out’ was not the way I wanted to raise my child. We’ve always been believers in sharing a family bed or having her in the same room as ours at night. Not that I judge other methods of mothering, I just knew that it wouldn’t make me happy to allow her to be separated from us at night and cry for hours on end. And I always say, whatever you need to do to be a happy mother is the best for baby.”
[From Romy and the Bunnies]
I agree with Milla’s statements on how co-sleeping promotes trust and a connecting bond between child and parent. She’s a little smug with the “no tantrum” claim, and I wonder if the new baby will change that equation. I’ve known a few people who considered themselves to be the most fantastic parents after enjoying a non-argumentative, well-behaved first child. Then a second child arrives with a very different personality, and all bets are off! Co-sleeping sure makes nursing at night easier as long as safety is a priority. The practice works for Milla and her family, and that’s what really matters.
Photos courtesy of Milla Jovovich on Instagram & WENN
Personally, I don’t have an issue with co-sleeping. It’s not a choice I would make but if others want to do it, fine, as long as they do it safely. But I work in the foster care system and co-sleeping results in removal of the children if it isn’t discontinued. Too many babies have been smothered.
Really? I’m surprised by this. I thought the research showed that smothering only became a significant risk when the parent was inebriated, especially once the child was past the early infancy stage.
You are right Sarah. You should not co-sleep if you drink alcohol, take drugs, or smoke. If don’t engage in that behavior, and take all the recommended precaution go ahead an co-sleep. In my state co-sleeping alone does rise to the level of having CPS take your kids. I have been at staffings where the AGs have to tell the CPIs that co-sleeping does not equal abuse, abandonment, or neglect.
Do you mean foster children are removed from foster homes for continued co sleeping? Or do you mean biological kids from biological parents?
She means bio parents and it varies by state. The only times I have seen it become an issue is if mom uses drugs and has numerous kids in the bed. Usually these families all sleep in one bed because they can’t afford a crib or toddler beds. CPS also likes to target poor families. They wouldn’t dare shelter a kid from an upper class family that did attachment parenting and co-slept.
Wow. That seems really over reactive to me. Especially considering how widespread cosleeping really is.
CPS doesn’t even know your sleeping arrangements if they’re not involved for other reasons. They’re not randomly knocking on poor people’s doors.
When she relates to women in the Third World countries sleeping w/ their babies/children; well alot of them do it because there’s no where else for the baby to sleep but w/ the mother. They don’t have extra bedrooms or beds. I don’t have a problem w/ it, but after a certain age (3) the child needs to sleep on it’s own.
Exactly! She’s kidding herself if she thinks some of those mothers wouldn’t kill for the luxury of a bed of their own. Not everyone in the “Third World” is poor and/or co-sleep. The romanticizing of other cultures and socio-economic groups to justify one’s choices (which don’t need to be justified in the first place) is annoying.
Thanks for this you guys, cause that stuff for some reason Rankled me hard… and you guys articulated it much better than I would have (Look at this : Another rich white celeb Telling us about going back to the basics and the romanticized wys of the lessers)
co sleeping is great. but only do it if it works for you which is what she is saying. there’s nothing wrong with it if you do it safely and it can be a rewarding experience. they are only young once and won’t want to co sleep when they are teenagers. some kids don’t like co sleeping and some do.
Yeah, that part seriously irked me.
Dude. I was with you more or less until you whipped out the prescriptive judgments about when a child “needs” to sleep on their own. That’s your opinion, not some hard and fast fact. Every family makes their own decisions about that, and it may come before or well after three, and either way it’s fine as long as everyone is safe and happy.
…There’s no hard and fast rules about when a child NEEDS to sleep on their own, that’s up to the individual child and family.
According to my mother, I was in my own bedroom by age 2.5, but my younger cousins co-slept till they were 7 or 8 years old, they just didn’t like being on their own.
Milla recognises the reasons for why these families sleep together and sees it as a benefit arising from the way they have to live. I think it’s normal to idealise when you’re a new mum. I can also see why it irks.
I was fine with her comments until we got to “I could never let my child cry for hours,” as if that is the only alternative. That comment is extremely judgmental and just stupid. Talk about creating a straw man!
Celebrities and the great parenting debate are always somewhat of a slippery slope. Every parent has the right to do what is best for their families, but sometimes I can’t help but read these interviews without rolling my eyes. As long as her family is content, that’s what matters.
+1 so true
The parents just do what they can
she is so beautiful. i would think co-sleeping and answering every cry would make for a needy, spoiled child. because they don’t learn how to self-soothe. so they will always seek out mommy for comfort. jmo.
I do attachment and co-sleeping with my kids 3 and 5. They are very independent and well behaved. Their teachers always tell me they are the best behaved in class. When I took them to pre-k for the first time they were the only kids not crying. My friends that do attachment have similar results with their kids. I think because they feel secure they are more comfortable branching out and doing their own thing.
Or, maybe you just have good kids? My siblings and I never cried at school. Not one of us, ever, for any reason. We were all very well adjusted and independent. My parents room was in another wing of the house.
Tessa I am not criticizing your parents at all. I am just telling you what I see in my kids and all of my family and friends that do attachment. I am responding to a criticism about attachment parenting that I find to be untrue. In fact attachment is the norm in many countries. In Japan mothers almost exclusively co-sleep.
That wouldn’t work for me for two reasons, I prefer to sleep with my husband so we can keep our relationship strong and practice making more babies, and past a certain point all my kids would say is “my bed” unless there was a storm or a bad dream, but to each his own.
I’ve co slept with all 3 of mine. My 6 year old got moved to his own room when he simply got too big and needed more space. I still have a 3 and 5 month old. My oldest 2 are very independent and my 6 year old is the best behaved in his clas . Not saying he never went through a naughty toddler phase but claiming co sleeping leads to whiney kids is simply untrue. I cosleep because I breastfeed and I need sleep to function.
Well Bebea, I don’t want anymore kids and my marriage is very strong. Co-sleeping made nursing and sleeping easier. My husband loves the co-sleeping too. I have a fear that they will be snatched from their bedrooms when we stop co-sleeping (I fully admit this is an irrational fear caused by watching too much of the ID channel).
I don’t judge people that don’t co-sleep. Whatever works for your family is fine. I just feel that fo some reason people really just lash out at co-sleepers and I am not sure why.
My child is an only child who sleeps in our room we have a king, she is on a single next to us. I have no doubt had there been a sibling, she would have happily slept with them in their own room. She is now 8, very sweet and soft hearted, a good sharer etc etc. Her nervousness around sleeping, she was born with, i could list all the sleeping alone methadologies we used, but ppl would die of boredom. In the end we ‘gave in’ when she was 4. Happier chlid, happier mother all good. No shade for Milla here.
I was a co sleeper with my sister who was 13 years older than me. I slept on her chest until I was about 4 and then moved over to actually sleeping on the bed. I personally would not ever force that burden onto a teenager, but hey my parents are what they are. That being said, I am the worst sleeper. I toss and turn a lot, wake up all night long, and my husband wakes up all the time with me trying to sleep on top of him. Apparently that’s my go to position when I’m in a good sleep for a little bit. So based on my experience I would say don’t do it, as it for me, did not instill good natural sleeping habits.
Joy that is quite unusual. Co-sleeping is with your parents. It usually makes nursing and sleeping easier for mom. I have never heard of making your teen kid co-sleep with your baby. Your sister must have been very patient. Are you guys close? Just curious.
I used to share a Queen size bed with my little sister…..she would wrap her arms and legs around me like a fricking octopus. I put a stop to the co-sleeping after she peed on me–and she was like 7…..not a little baby.
And my parents have a queen size bed, and some nights we used to all sleep in it together (usually weekends)…….my little brother slept with them all night until he was about four. He was a MASSIVE mama’s boy. Good Lord. He used to stick his arm into her shirt, and hold onto her bra strap, so he knew that she was there, all night.
VC your family sounds hilarious 😃
Omg I’m almost 13 years older than my little sister and she coslept with me starting as a baby too! Sounds like your sis had it a bit worse off though, my little sister would curl up right next to me and just stay there all night. I think that is part of the reason it felt natural to me to cosleep with my two (yes I’m an attachment parent, you do it your way I’ll do it mine! 😉) They’ve coslept since birth and they’re both perfectly lovely, normal children thank you very much LOL! Oh for what it’s worth, my little sister did NOT cosleep and is not an AP.
I think people are giving co sleeping too much credit both for good or bad. I don’t think it factors that much into development and is more about whether the parents and babies prefer snuggling at night or having space. One of my kids loves co sleeping while my other likes his space. And for me it was just easier having a newborn in bed to feed when he woke throughout the night.
In fact it is the opposite. A child whose needs are responded to consistently becomes independent and secure.
My sister did full on attachment parenting and her kids were awful, not secure nor independent. Think school age children having toddler tantrums. I looked it up and that Dr. Sears guy pretty much made all of that stuff up. There was very little in the way of studies to match his claims. Maybe there is more now but I remain very skeptical of attachment parenting rhetoric. If you enjoy it, great, but it doesn’t necessarily produce perfect children.
Every kid every mom is different and we can’t judge others. I did attachment parenting when my child was an infant along with co-sleeping/breastfeeding. He weaned off all of that attachment gradually. I guess we were attachment style until he grew out of it.
I was a single mom with an infant, so I don’t know how that would have rolled with the demands of wifely duties?
HOwever, when my bf started to spend the night (another bedroom of course) my child was the most awesome sound sleeper. I can see how co-sleeping helped my child feel secure.
+1 Catherine.
Here’s where I get a tad irked. All these mommy wars, judgmental stuff is so insane. What matters is that we are all parents who love our children, provide well for them, model appropriate behaviors, make education a priority. That is what makes good children/people. Not co-sleeping or drug free labor or baby wearing or bottle feeding or free range parenting, etc. We are not drug addicts or pedophiles. We don’t abandon our children or abuse them. THOSE are the children who suffer, the ones with really awful parents who are unable to protect and love their offspring. It’s silly to think that these personal parenting preferences make the difference. The difference is much more basic – we are capable of being good enough parents (thank you, D.W. Winnicott, for that philosophy). I’ll leave the anti-vaxxers out of this argument, though 😉
I have mixed feelings. I’ve never had kids, but I can see the benefits of sleeping with your child, at least while you’re nursing in the night. But it seems like you have to keep doing it forever, or you’re going to have to put them through a trauma when they first have to sleep alone. And what about teaching them respect for your privacy as a couple? And how long do you do this? Until they move out? Or maybe they reach a point where they want to sleep alone. My mother started us in bassinets in her room. When we cried, she came, always, and soothed us, then put us back. Eventually we were moved to cribs and she did the same thing. She never let us “cry it out” and I agree with that. But I’m not sure I would want to sleep with four people in the bed forever.
I started out with my son in a cot – the problem was, he woke up so goddamn often, and it was exhausting staying awake for each feed, and then to put him down again. I saved so many sleep hours by just being able to turn over, pop out a boob, and try and drift away again. I think so much depends on the actual kid you have, and your specific circumstances, and people don’t really take account of that usually, either when they give advice or when they criticise!
That said, we are trying to night wean now at almost two years, and its a bit of a mare. Let alone trying to get him to sleep alone, that is going to take a while yet I can see. Sigh.
Sarah there are lot of helpful websites for night weening. I started by having my husband put them to sleep. If they would wake at night I would rub there backs or sing a song. Prior to that I had started to decrease their nursing to once or twice. It will happen don’t worry.
Haha. I coslept by default because of breastfeeding. I tried everything, but really, I coulndn’t let him “cry it out”. I gave him his own bedroom etc when he was 2, but he was on and off in it until he was solidly in his own bed around 6. It’s a touchy subject, right?
We would wake up with ours, but he wouldn’t go back to sleep unless he was sleeping on us. After 14 months of this, we were both just exhausted, so we resorted to cry it out. It was painful, but it totally worked. He cried for 2 hours the first night, 1 hour the second night, 10 minutes the third night, and from then on has slept like a champ. And he doesn’t seem to have any standing psychological issues from it.
I think everyone needs to do what works best for them. We knew right off that sleeping in the same bed would not work. I wake at every little thing.
There is nothing wrong with letting them cry it out when they’re older. The problem is people who do it with tiny infants.
Don’t worry they will not still be sleeping with you or nursing when they go to college. Kids only want you so intensely for a short period of time. Before you know it they will prefer their friends company and you will be considered embarrassing. Even David Beckham has to drop his kid off half a block from school lest his friends see dad. I know this close snugly time is fleeting so I will treasure it as long as it lasts.
Ditto here! My now almost 12 year old slept with me for about 5 years. Then he wanted his own space and now the only time he asks me to lie down with him is when he needs to talk about something important to him. Then we talk, I leave and he sleeps.
My 5 year old now still sleeps with me. I love it. We talk about stuff and snuggle to sleep. It won’t last forever!
Delta, in the morning when the alarm goes off my little one wraps her arms around me and says I love you so much. I melt, but know it won’t last forever.
@Jesmari
That’s so sweet. My son does that same thing. It makes my whole day! Enjoy it!
Good names, you always talk about how you don’t have kids but you always have an opinion about mothers and how they show raise their kids. How about you let actual mothers give their opinions?
Well that was rude!
this *is* a public forum, michelle009. good names, childless or not, has every right to comment on any and all subjects here. it does not magically take away space for mothers to respond. how about you let actual people respond in an actual public forum?
Well that was rude as hell Michelle. People can have opinions on having children without actually having them. It didn’t seem like GNAT was judging, more like asking questions. Being a mother doesn’t make your opinion any more valid than a non mother. In fact some mothers are disgusting human beings and don’t even deserve the title, so get off the high horse.
Anyways GNAT, I think it really depends on the kid. My mom never co-slept with my sister when she was a baby, but did start around some young age. She’ll be 12 this year and she still sleeps with my mom and fusses and makes a scene if she can’t. It’s insane. When I had my daughter she was a very horrible sleeper, never wanted to be put down. She wouldn’t fall asleep unless she was laying on someone so I ended up sleeping on the couch with her on top of me. I wouldn’t have got any sleep if I did it any differently. I did that the first 9 months and then it was just getting uncomfortable and I was too scared to let her sleep in the bed next me (she started rolling all over the place) so we sleep trained her. It took two nights and now she sleeps like a champ. So I’m guessing it really depends on the kid. Some seem to be able to transition much easier than others.
Wow. How very unkind.
Where did that come from? I do have kids and yet have less interesting thoughts on co-sleeping than Good Names. Such a mean-spirited comment.
Honestly, I don’t see a problem with non-parents commenting on parenting issues. In fact, I’d say non-parents, being outside of the sometimes crazy parenting bubble, can see some things clearer then those on the inside. I am a parent, but even I scratch my head over some things we do as parents (including myself lol).
Anyway, co-sleeping: My son was a very, very bad sleeper for the first month or two, but he didn’t care for co-sleeping at all. He has always been one who wanted his own space. I assume that is just his personality, so it goes by a kid to kid basis. I sometimes think co-sleeping would’ve been nice, but there is also the school of thought that a parents’ marriage and intimacy is important and needs to be nurtured as much as the relationship with children. Either way, as long as the parent is doing what is good and comfortable for themselves and the child, I think the kid will turn out just fine.
How unfortunate, for you, Michelle, that you think so little of yourself that you need to try and hurt others, even on an anonymous site.
What a sad little world you must live in, Michelle. 🙁
Here’s an opinion from a mother michelle: don’t be a jerk.
On that note, none of us should be commenting on politics because we’re not politicians, actors/actresses or singers’ performances because we’re not actors or singers, or anything else we aren’t directly involved in ourselves. That’s silly. We all have eyes and ears and observe. Sometimes an objective view is better than an invovled view. GNAT can comment on whatever she wants. You, though, might think about visiting another blog.
A woman does not have to be a mother in order to feel maternal. I wish people would stop marginalizing non-mothers.
That is completely uncalled for. If you were my child, I would make you apologize.
GoodNames’ comments were courteous and thoughtful, and even if they weren’t, nothing she could say would deserve your level of incivility.
I spent a lot of time with nephews and nieces, both biological and honorary, long before I became a parent. I learned a lot about the differences in individual children and in different parenting techniques by observation and interaction. I didn’t magically become an expert on parenting the day my kid popped out, and I’m grateful that being an auntie taught me that every child and every relationship is unique.
Gnatty got her own personal troll!!
Thanks to everyone who defended my right to have an opinion. It means a lot to me. And Kitten, I have another troll below. Today’s my lucky day, I guess.
she’s not a parent but she was parented, so i dont how she doesnt have pertinent experience
@michelle009 What a terribly insensitive and just plain stupid thing to say. Maybe you’re new here, but -Celebitches please correct me if I’m wrong and have commenters mixed up- I believe GoodNames has always been open about her unfortunate circumstances that she was not ABLE to have children. Your knee jerk response may have just brought great sorrow to a person who consistently contributes intelligent, interesting, and thought provoking conversation to this site. So f-ck off. @GoodNames you keep the great input coming 🙂
Thank you lisa and Marieeee, and you have me straight. At first that comment took my breath away, I admit. And this comes from someone who has heard every insensitive and ignorant comment possible, or so I thought. But I ended up feeling ok about it because everyone else was so nice. I will never understand why some people take pleasure in hurting others, but that’s their problem and I just have to move on. Your very kind words help a lot.
@michelle009 ~ I’m not a mother because both of my babies died before being born. Am I allowed to have an opinion on parenting in your little world? Do parents in your world get some kind of handbook once the baby is actually born that those of us who didn’t have full term babies don’t get?
GNAT has always been a good commenter, so I think you owe her an apology.
@Goodnames, that’s basically what happened with me. I co-slept with my mother until I was around 7, and then I began asking to sleep in my own bed. You have a good point, though. Maybe she would have kicked me out at some point, I’ll have to ask her. 😀
Respect your privacy as a couple? Yeah, it is pretty clear that you don’t have children. That is a ridiculous notion to present to a CHILD or really to anyone at all.
My parents made sure that we knew that they had a relationship separate from their relationship with us, and that they needed time together alone. They talked to us about how they were married, and that was a special bond, and while they loved us with all of their hearts, we should not attempt to play one of them against the other, because they were a team. We were taught to knock on their door before entering because they needed privacy, just like everyone does. I’m sorry you find it ridiculous, and I’m sorry you felt the need along with michelle009 to be so rude and hateful.
You think it’s “ridiculous” for a couple to expect their children (OR ANYONE) to respect their privacy as a couple?
So if you have a guest in your home, you think they should be able to walk into your bedroom at anytime they want? Well I AM a mother, and my 4 year old son knows that he should knock before entering our bedroom if the door is closed.
It’s pretty clear that you have one set of boundaries with your children and I have others. Why the need to assume people with different views or experience than you are non existent?
Of course children should respect the privacy of their parents and siblings. As others have said, knocking before entering – and after being told to come in – was taught young in my house. My parents spent Saturday afternoons locked in their bedroom and we children respected that!
@MeToo: Where are these silly comments coming from??? I don’t have kids but I clearly remember being allowed into my parents’ bed if I’d had a nightmare or wasn’t feeling well or whatever. HOWEVER, they DID teach us about limits – i.e. always knock before entering their room, and if they said “just a minute” or “wait for a while” we would. Teaching a kid boundaries and respect for other’s privacy is just as important as attachment parenting.
Since having a baby I found out that all generalisations of methods are worthless. There is no method that will make your child into something it’s not. Parents all show up with anecdotal evidence and there’s anecdotal evidence for everything. As I understand it this is the real deal: somehow you need to bond with your baby, you do this in a way that feels good for both you and the baby and that’s what works.
A thousand times this!
Right. Because there’s no middle ground between having them in your bed forever and having them cry for hours.
Jeez, seriously. You can have an infant in another bed, another room even, and not leave them to cry. It’s not new or anything. It’s called a baby monitor… or ears.
I came here to say just that! My daughter was in a crib in her own room. We never left her to cry it out. I nursed every few hours and back to sleep for both of us.
I think it has more to do with personality than whether or not you co-sleep. I’ve not really had many problems with tantrums or defiance and we don’t co-sleep. Mine’s just naturally a people pleaser. And he might’ve had some semi-decent parenting along the way….
ha! I’m sure he did and still does! 😀
I slept with my grandma for years (she lived with us) and I may not have had tantrums per say but boy was I a defiant pain in the a**. My poor mother still brings up some of the stories and I’m almost 40! So I think good parenting in general is more important than if you co sleep or whatever. In the end, everyone’s personality is different anyway, and so parents can define limits, teach life lessons and do their best in general, and hope the kid turns out ok
ETA: I just realised that my comment made it look like I have bad parents! Lol, they had their problems, but that’s not what I meant! Sorry Mom and Dad 😀
Yes, my sister’s first child was a cooperative little angel – she did whatever you asked, cheerfully. She was the first grandchild. We were so smug. Then along came her son – I can still see his little face, bright red with tears spurting out of his eyes, screaming his head off because my sister wouldn’t let him wear a bathing suit on his head to church. He was just born that way. (He turned out great, though.)
That’s what I exactly thought- that it’s her personality. We had one big family bed and my 6.5 year old just stopped cosleeping. She was such an easy baby but a difficult toddler because she was a runner.
HA HA HA HA
I know I shouldn’t laugh, your poor sister must have had a rough go at it, but bathing suit on his head at church? AMAZING!
As a child I was arguing as to why they should serve pizza in the mosque instead of holy water and blessed food thingy we have (I have no clue how to explain it in english). Oh, that and I had a fundamental problem with the existence of broccoli and so would make sure everyone understood how it was illogical to eat mini trees
It’s funny: if children are well behaved it’s because of good parenting, if they’re naughty it’s because of children’s nature 🙂
Ha! No, but decent parenting can help some natural traits. I certainly know that mine gets some sassiness both by nature and by example. Not pretending to even remotely be a wonderful parent. Hence the semi-decent comment.
I think there’s definitely a balance between nature and nurture, though sometimes it’s hard to undue the nature completely. 😉
Our job as parents is to give our children the freedom to learn from the world themselves, but the boundaries to do it safely and respectfully. Some children learn and react differently – it doesn’t make me a bad parent if one (or both) of my kids is sassy, argues, or throws a tantrum. It makes them a normal kid. And conversely, when my children behave well it isn’t really a reflection on my awesomeness as a parent. Children naturally push boundaries, it’s a part of how they learn. Some children may push more and some may push less, but that’s because they’re all different individuals.
Also, chances are that children are going to learn a lot more about respect from day to day interactions than from co-sleeping. Just saying 🙂
I can see the advantages and disadvantages of both sides of the coin and believe there is no ‘best’ way. I’d guess co-sleeping is more common in less strong economies. If Mila’s daughter isn’t having tantrums, that’s great, but I don’t think it is likely to be connected to co-sleeping.
My daughter needs space to sleep. At 6 months we had to move her to a crib because WE were disturbing HER. Every kid is different, every parent is different. My daughter isn’t a tantrum thrower… I mean it’s happened, but my nephew it’s every single day and he whines too. It’s not bad parents because we do the same stuff with our kids…. it’s just who he is as a person.
my daughter is the same. we co-slept until she was 4 months, then she was in a crib in our room until 7 months. she was always a good sleeper, but when we moved to a new place and she got her own room she started sleeping better than ever, all through the night. to this day (she’s almost 3) she can’t/won’t sleep with us in our bed or even if we are just sharing a room (at a hotel, for instance). I think it’s a sensory overload thing for her, she gets too excited being around other people. she needs that time and space alone at night to wind herself down.
I am totally for co-sleeping while breastfeeding–it really is amazingly convenient and helps develop a strong mother/child bond early. But…once they’re weaned I think it’s important for both the parents and the child to have their own space. Children needs to develop a sense of self-confidence and independence, too. I know SO MANY families that co-sleep older children and the children may be easy-going and non-argumentative, but they also can’t stand being out of eye sight of their mother because they become so dependent on their constant presence. I know a family that still co-sleeps with their 4yr old, and had to pull her out of pre-school because they would have panic attacks without her mother.
I co-slept with all my children until they were able to sleep thru the night (6-12mos). Then they went into their own room with a baby monitor. They are welcome in my room anytime they feel the need (sickness, bad dream, just need extra cuddles), but they do it rarely because they are all great sleepers and are secure in themselves. They take pride in their own space and therefore respect that Mama & Papa have their space, too. They may not be the most docile children on the face of the world, but I think they’re pretty well-adjusted. 🙂
If you do the WHO recommended 2 years of nursing that would mean co-sleeping for that length of time. I co-sleep with my kids and they are very independent. They were the only kids that didn’t cry on the first day of preschool. All of my family and friends that do attachment have similar experiences. There are numerous countries where co-sleeping through toddlerhood is the norm. Those societies are doing just fine.
I nursed each of my 3 children until THEY chose to wean themselves which was between 15 & 18mos for each. But they were all sleeping thru the night by 6-12mos, so they were able to sleep in their own bassinet/crib. We as parents are extremely loving and affectionate with our children, but feel they–and we–need our own space, too. I am an extremely light sleeper, so I got next to no sleep while my babies were in my room. My husband and I also like to have private time to ourselves, too.
Temporary co-sleeping is what worked best for my family and my children. But, to each their own. For every parent who says long-term co-sleeping is great and their kid is the most amazing ever there is a child who is uber clingy. I only spoke of my experience and what I have witnessed. I never said that would be the case for every child.
I bet both of our kids are doing fine. You are right to each their own.
I love cosleeping! I’m currently laying inbetween my 3 year old and my 1 year old. My 6 year old would be here but she’s off to school.
As for the lack of respect, some kids are just more defiant than others. Some kids just have a more stubborn personality. I want my kids to be respectful but I also don’t want them to grow up to try to please everyone and become a doormat.
The defiance and tantrums I just see as a way of a kid to try to have some independence. It shows that they’re learning what they want and we have to teach them how to deal with these emotions appropriately. It sucks, but we will get through it. Mila may have quite the shock when Ever grows up to be a teen. I was the golden child….until I wasn’t.
I am reading this between my 2 year old and 11 weeker 🙂
My kid’s tantrums are the result of refusing the nap he so desperately needs. : ) And before that it was his apraxia.
Next to my 9 month old 🙂
i shared a bed with my momma until I was like 10. I think I’m closer to my mom than my siblings are. when I visit I sleep in her bed. Lol
Beep that is so sweet. I hope the same for my kids and me.
Mother’s in 3rd world counties cosleep because there aren’t any other beds.
Being a loving, honest, patient parent will will make a great bond too.
I’m not saying cosleeping is wrong, to each their own parenting style. But Let’s point out the craziness in her theory: all western children are tantruming brats because they have their own beds, and all 3rd world children are all calm angels because they all sleep together?
+1
I do not choose co-sleeping for myself, but the reasons cited by co-sleepers have always kind of stumped me.
I wouldn’t say it’s that simple. Poor families that co-sleep also have a very high rate of sexual abuse. Either they’re present when the parents have sex or one parent (usually the father) molests the kids, who then grow up and do the same because “dad did it, grandpa did it” etc.
It’s very frowned upon for this reason.
uh you realize that you can have sex in places other than a bed and at times when there isn’t sleeping going on?
Lola this absolutely ridiculous and offensive. Nobody that I know that co-sleeps has sex in front of their children. Furthermore a person that molests children is a pedophile. If the dad is a pedophile he will molest kids whether they co-sleep or not. I feel sorry for you that you think all men are pedophiles. Do you truly think that normal men turn into pedophiles the second there is a child in their bed?
Karen, mothers in Japen exclusively co-sleep. Japan is not a third world country.
Yikes – lots of folks in European countries co-sleep – for many it has nothing to do with wealth or space.
+1
Excellent response, Karen. I was wondering the same, actually.
We co-slept. My older moved to her own bed at about 7, her choice. And my younger stayed in my bed until she was 12, again her choice. They both, 14 and 16, still sleep with me occasionally. It does create a very intimate relationship. I am very close with my girls, especially the younger. It helps to have that foundation when they become teens. We really have very little discord, they accept the boundaries we set because they trust us, plus we try to give them as much freedom a possible and that helps.
I was too scared to co-sleep with my son when he was tiny and now he is used to his own crib. I’m a deep sleeper and I would be afraid to roll on him as a newborn. Now at 1 and a half whenever he gets in my bed on a Saturday morning he is jumping and climbing up the headboard. He says “I jump” “I climb”. Still not safe.
I cuddle him in his room until he gets sleepy then I put him down. We are all more comfortable.
You have to do whatever works for your family. As long as you love and care for your kids there is room for numerous parenting styles.
The assumption that babies who sleep in their own room and crib are ignored while crying – for hours, no less! – is frustrating. My house probably doesn’t occupy the acres her home does, and my life circumstances, including staying at home with my kids, means that I haven’t been apart from my kids for more than five hours. Ever. And I’m usually no more than fifteen feet from my kids (again, small house, no helicoptering). She says “no judgment,” and then says things that imply judgment. What the frack?
How exactly is she posting to social media without “electronic distractions”?
My doughter sleeps sometimes with us. She is 8. there are times she cannot sleep well and needs more of mom and it`s ok with me. Another time she sleeps very well in her own bed. I thinks it`s ok when both parties feel that`s ok.
My son -11 – does not want to sleep with us since he is 1 year old.
He had really huge temper tantrums (and still has because he has a mild form of Asperger s.) but my doughter did not have a lot of temper tantrums.
I always thought because my son was/is so needy during the days, my doughter wants to have her mommy-time during the nights.
It´s ok with me…. it`s not every night and I will tell her when I dont want it.
I asked the doctor about it and he said: You want to have your husband by your side at night. People are not born to be alone. Why does society think that it is ok to let a baby/toddler/child sleep alone in their room while their parents have someone else to lean on and to snuggle?
It startet only last century that people have enough room to have rooms for themselves. Before that everybody slept in one room.
Yes, co-sleeping has been the norm throughout most of human history. We consider it “progress” to each have our own separate sleeping space, but progress can be a double-edged sword…children’s nightmares, night terrors, and fear of the dark are all linked to this new separation which is not really natural for humans.
Those are the kind of claims that need citation…
I only know a member of my family who did this, and like that 911 Nanny said “This is usually an issue with the mother”.
She was indeed very dependent on the kid. When he was about 5 she remarried and the boy had to sleep elsewhere, the emotional damage was very deep.
As for Milla, it’s her kid, she can do whatever she feels it’s better but I don’t see a reason to discuss it publicly.
Well Lola it is how people raised kids for almost all of human existence. It has only been in the last 90 years or so that some countries have moved away for this type of parenting.
You do realise that there is a great difference between the way people in the here and now raise their children compared to people in the past I hope? Because up until some sixty years ago lots of (not rich) children were treated as adults from a very early age and I’m also kinda hoping you’re not implying that we should start sending out our children to work again the moment they’re 5.
Also, these false comparisons with developing countries must stop. If people in Angola co-sleep, they also have a great number of babies to account in advance for the death of half of them and have to sent them out to work from a very early age.
Right on, Wilma.
Sooooooo many other things have changed in the past 90 years as well, @jesmari. It doesn’t mean we are all wrong – it means things change, and I would say mostly for the better. Hanging on to the way something used to be done, when you can’t possibly know the why of it, seems to me a poor basis for your opinion. Example: Do you vote? Or were the old days’ ideas (for wont of a word) better? I wouldn’t have commented but I have read your rebuttal to many commenters and your “to each his own” (type) statement seems to be disproved simply by your frequent comments advocating for co sleeping.
You can do it other places than a bed
I understand if nobody wants to answer, but doesn’t sharing a bed with your children affect intimacy with your partner? I mean do you not do it, or do it on the couch, or in the bed with them?
I don’t see how it would not affect intimacy unless you’re used to not having sex with your husband at night. My mom did daycare for a long time. One the couples whose child she watched ended up divorcing because the daughter had been allowed to sleep with them for so long, she pitched a fit at having to sleep by herself when she got in grade school. It last through gradeschool. That couple ended up divorced and although I don’t think it was solely because of the child co-sleeping and the mother not respecting the husband’s want that she not sleep with them, I do think it played a major role in their losing their connection and becoming distant.
Our kids take a nap and they go to sleep before we do. That gives us two opportunities per day to have sex in the guest bedroom. I guess if you need to have sex more than twice a day then you could wake up earlier that the kids.
It is similar to what we did before we had kids. I will never say no to sex if I am awake, but you better not wake me up for sex. If you wake me up the house needs to be on fire or you are dying.
I want your husband to yell “Fire” in the middle of the night and when you sit up, he’s standing there naked save for a fireman’s raincoat and a fire extinguisher. Would you still be mad?
@jenniferjustice, I like the way your mind works. Oh, I would add the fireman’s helmet too!
Jennifer, lmfao. I might not be mad after that level of effort and creativity.
This is what I was scrolling down to comment on. Let me start off by saying, I do co-sleep with my babies. Did it with my son until he was about 2 1/2 or so (he’s almost 5 now); and I’m currently co-sleeping with my daughter (she’s 1). I do it because it’s easier to breastfeed them (my daughter is still breastfed) so it’s easier to just snuggle beside her while she nurses and since she doesn’t completely wake up (in the time that it would take for me to go to another room to get her), she falls back asleep easily and so do I. She sleeps in her crib right next to our bed, and when she wakes up, I just put her next to me and she stays there until morning.
With all that said, I don’t see myself going past 3 or so with the (regular) co-sleeping. At that age, I think they’re able to sleep in their own beds with a nightlight, if needs be. I seriously miss spontaneous love making, I miss NOT having to be really quiet otherwise the baby will wake up (seriously, there’s only so much lip-biting one can do) and when she does wake up we have to stop and be really quiet and pray that she falls back asleep (lol). I miss the freedom of being able to do whatever, whenever. Yes we are intimate in different parts of the house (just like before they were born) but at the same time, I like my bed and my own bedroom and having total freedom in it. So for that reason, our son sleeps in his own room (and has to knock when our bedroom door is locked). When our daughter is a little older (maybe 2 or so, depending on her boobage requirement), we’ll probably let both of them sleep together and then when they’re a bit older, in their own rooms.
ETA: I just want to say I’m not judging what other people did/do. This is just how I view it, and what works for my situation. My son transitioned pretty well (he still has his moments of wanting to sleep with us or us with him) but who know what will happen with our daughter and how we handle that when the time comes.
I’ve coslept for over 6 years now and the only time our intimacy slows down is during pregnancy. You just gotta be creative. My aunt asked me how I managed to get pregnant while cosleeping I had to inform her that the bed wasn’t the only place to have sex. 😂
@Isa
We definitely have to get creative and we manage to do so pretty well. But we both work outside of our home, work about an hour from home and get home a bit late (and leave early). So after we get everything in order, it would be nice to have our bedroom to ourselves. But for now, we have to be mindful that the baby is sleeping in her crib next to the bed if we want to get busy in our own bed (no extra bedroom). I’m not a big fan of seeing a little head pop up out of the crib, saying “mommy” right in the middle of intimate moments, though (lol).
It’s still easier to co-sleep with her though, so for now we’ll continue to be creative.
It’s a definite case by case basis imo. All my kids started in a cradle next to me for as long as they fit.
My oldest was a very cuddly, high needs baby and I spent HOURS rocking him to sleep – no co-sleeping. As a young mom I listened to what everyone else told me to do and co-sleeping was baaaad according to all those around me. My second was not co-sleeping material and would actually push me away when she was done nursing, she just wanted to be put in her crib. By age two she would say, “mommy, I tired. I go to sleep now.” And would march upstairs and CLIMB INTO her crib! I co-slept more with my third, who was a terrible sleeper, but awoke one night and didn’t immediately know where he was. Even when asleep I could always “sense” where my baby was – the fact that I couldn’t for a second scared the hell out of me. That was it for co-sleeping. My fourth stayed in the cradle and I would co-sleep for naps but nothing else.
I think I was just so exhausted by the third that I slept harder and just couldn’t trust that I would feel it if I rolled over onto my baby. Just thinking about it makes me positively ill…
I’m currently 8 months pregnant with my 1st child, so it’s not like I’m an expert on this. My bf wants to do co-sleeping, but I do not. I’d like him to sleep with us in the room maybe the first few weeks, but after that I want him used to his crib. What is the point in him having his own nursery and crib if he’s not going to use it?
All kids are different, but it’s just what I’ve personally experienced. My parents had me sleeping in the room with them when I was a baby, and I remember not sleeping in my own room until I was 5 and was pretty clingy and dependent on them. My younger brother slept in his crib in his room by himself since birth, and my mom said he was a great sleeper and he’s always been incredibly well behaved and independent. I’m the bad child of the family lol
L, the American Pediatric Association recommends that a baby sleep in their parents room in a crib for the first six months. It lower SIDS. Nursing, pacifiers, and ceiling fans lower SIDS too.
L, full support on whatever you decide, but you may find your views/needs change once the little one has arrived. Many kids still night feed at 12+ months, and in the first 4-6 months or so the prospect of having to get up out of bed and walk to another room to breastfeed/soothe every couple of hours can get old really fast.
I started off with a bassinet next to the bed and even that got to much for me (I also had a c-section, so getting out of bed and using my stomach muscles a number of times a night was very painful not to mention exhausting. After a few weeks my husband made a little co-sleeper bed and that was pushed up against my side of the bed so we all had our own space but my girl was always within arms reach. 14 months on now and she still sleeps “side-carred” next to my side of the bed.
Before I gave birth I honestly never imagined that I would still be sleeping in the same room (let alone so close) as my daughter at over one year, and had any one asked I would have said own crib, own room by one year old, now I wouldn’t have it any other way. The closeness is lovely and there is nothing I love more than waking up to her smiling face. Anyhoo, we haven’t made any plans for how long this will last, just doing what works for us and keeping an open mind. Best of luck to you!
I always assumed we would co-sleep, but my first was such a loud sleeper, just grunty and growly that we put him in his crib from his first night home. I stay home with my kids and I strongly enjoy having the bed just for my husband and me. Also, you’re not supposed to use pillows or blankets above your waist when you co-sleep (assuming they’re in the same bed). Both kids STTN from about six months forward, so it wouldn’t have saved any effort in regards to nursing.
Co sleeping has pros and cons. I do it with my toddler and I don’t think it teaches respect so much fosters closeness and affection. And that doesn’t mean non co sleepers aren’t fostering these things, they simply do it in different ways. No biggie either way.
We do variations of co sleeping, at different stages of their lives.
It’s not forever, in fact, childhood seems to last barely long enough.
To each his own, as long as no one is being hurt. Every person/family is different.
I just can’t wait for her to finally fil the final RE and get closure to that terrible franchise.
There are pros and cons to almost all methods of parents and their kids’ sleeping arrangements. I knew too many people who had kids still sleeping with them at ages I felt were too old and becoming troublesome. I had a co-sleeper crib connected to my bed when I was nursing, for him to be close to me at night. But all naps were in his own room in his crib. He’s secure, never cried at school or had any kind of separation anxiety. I’ve never had a problem with him sleeping on his own and he likes his own bed and room. Personally, from what I’ve witnessed, co-sleeping is convenient, but it has consequences as the kids get older and don’t know how to sleep by themselves. One of my son’s gradeschool teachers had a 9-year old boy still sleeping on a pallet on the floor by their bed. I want my time with my husband at night. We lay on our kid for a while when we put him to bed and my son crawls in bed with us in the mornings sometimes for extra snuggle time and all is well.
Meh. Parenting is a bit of a crap shoot. I don’t think a child will be “damaged” by either cosleeping or not, unless there’s abuse or neglect.
I breastfed my son for four years and we also coslept but I’m a single parent. Guess I could be viewed as the stereotypical, emotionally dependant single mom but I dont subscribe to that philosophy. He needed me, and I him, but not in a dependant, unhealthy way. We’re incredibly close. He’s a “mommas boy” with immense respect for girls and women.
It was out of necessity he sleep with me for financial reasons and I hated it because he kicked me, snored, etc. When he turned 7, I started feeling uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as him. Growing boys and all that. Found a larger apartment and he got his own room with his own bed. He’s a good kid.
The Heir and Heiress have their own room but I co-sleep with Mr. Rochester and that seems to be going well. He does still throw the occasional tantrum but I have found those can be assuaged with pancakes in the shape of smiling pig faces. And smothering is not a problem, it’s voluntary and accomplished with a pillow.
LOL!
She looks like Taylor Swift in these pictures.
Time is a miracle. I read these stories of mamas and babies, and it is so easy to see how it all just passes. Mine are nearly nine and eleven.
We coslept out of philosophy of connection and my and my babies’ need for closeness. I had all sorts of ideas about parenting before my children were born. A lot of them worked out. I found flexibility, really listening to my kid, is where it’s really at. It still works today.
What is crap is judging other women. Mothers. We need each other in the most essential way. I won’t use caps, but I’m kind of speaking loudly here.
I’m a mom who has seen some struggles. I have hurt my children emotionally and I have also been the most powerfully positive emotional influence and support. This, to me, is motherhood.
My experience of it..
Gah. I came here for bitchy judgy shit and come away with THIS.
Amen. I think we’re all just doing the best we know how with our own particular situations. Nobody is a perfect mom, and neither do any of us have perfect children. Sometimes I think I’m doing a great job and other times I just feel like a crap mom. As I’m sure everyone does.
Well said Susanne! What we think we will do as parents before and what we actually do after the fact can be lightyears apart. I never thought I would be a babywearing, co-sleeping mama, but here I am. You are so right about flexibility (and managing personal and societal expectations), I don’t make plans now, just ride the waves of my daughter’s developing personality, try different things out and keep what works.
One of the problems seems to be this (media fuelled) idea that parents, particularly mums, have to pick a “side”, be full on traditional or dedicated AP’s, that there’s a rule book behind every decision, which is not only unrealistic but puts unnecessary pressure on a parent not only to be good mums and dads, but to also be “loyal” to said doctor/school of thought. Different kids have different personalities so whatever works varies. We all want to maximise our kids’ happiness and wellbeing, so it would be great if we could all just support each other on that and put our judgements and generalisations aside.
My close friend slept with her daughter for years, just because she was divorced and her little girl always ended up in her bedroom and it continued for many years after the age of seven.
She’s a sweet little girl, but spare me, she had tantrums at times, drama queen at times, etc.
Milla says she’s not judging and yet she is at times in the article. From an early age I slept with my sister in a double bed, and I used to draw an imaginary line down the bed because I got tired of her encroaching on my side or bugging me. She used to try to antagonize me by putting her hand or leg over the imaginary line and we’d end up fighting and yelling for mom. Finally, even though we shared a room until my older brother left for college, we got single beds around 10 . I would have loved my own bed from kindergarten on.
I did like sleeping with her in the same room, though. Every shadow at night I thought was someone breaking into our room and would lay there terrified at times. I never would have made it in a room by myself, ever.
Guilty! I did (do) it with both my children. My second, (daughter) isn’t transitioning to her own bed on her own like my son previously had (around 8-9yrs old) but, the ‘connection’ she talks about is real.
I still breastfeed my 2 year old little girl. I feel embarrassed telling people because they tend to judge me and say things like “Oh I think it’s time you started weaning her off” or “You shouldn’t be breastfeeding a 2 year old!!” But she’s happy, I’m happy, we’re both comfortable doing it.
I breastfeed her to sleep at night. She falls asleep on me and then I put her into her cot for the night in her own room. I know it’s not the same thing but it makes me feel better to see a lot of people on here co-sleep with their little ones =)
Sounds like you have a lovely bedtime routine 🙂 I think a lot of people co-sleep but don’t talk about it outside the anonymity of the internet for fear of rude comments and unsolicited advice. It is such a shame that parents don’t feel like they can have honest discussions about these issues. I co-sleep but luckily where I live it is the norm.
Awwww Ghoulish, don’t worry about what other people say. I’ve encountered people who think it’s weird that I still breastfeed my 19 month old, I couldn’t care less what they think. I work outside the home so I still express milk for her while at daycare, as soon as I pick her up from daycare she heads right for the breast (hungry or not), and I can see her wanting to breastfeed longer than 2. Just go with what works for you and don’t worry about what others think. If your baby is happy and you’re happy, that’s what really matters.
G moose you are not alone, I nursed for 2+ years with both although my goal was 6 months. I am meeting more and more moms that are nursing for 2 and 3 years. If people bug you point out that the world health organization recommends a minimum of two years and they have the studies to back that recommendation.
Thanks for your lovely story! Do what’s best for you and your baby.
I love Mila. Love her comment about whatever makes a happy mother is best for baby.
My husband and I love to co-sleep with our son. We plan on getting a bigger (King Size) bed soon so we have more room for us all. He has slept in a bassinet by the bed and then a crib by the bed as an infant, but for naps or if he was extra fussy he would sleep in with us. Now he’s older he has a crib in his own room, but if I’m taking a nap when he is, sometimes we’ll snuggle up together in my bed. Or if he’s having a rough night and needs cuddles we’ll sleep with him in our bed at night.
I think parents need their bed to be their bed at night to keep the intimacy a bit, but there’s nothing wrong with snuggling up with your kids when they need it. They grow up so fast so why not enjoy all the cuddles you can get while they want to give them! Soon enough giving hugs and kisses will be uncool so I’ll enjoy these years of closeness with my son while I can.
I have three kids ages 4, 2 and 11 weeks. With my oldest I had no confidence, had a smaller bed, and heard all the risks of co-sleeping that freaked me out so I didn’t do it. She did sleep in a pack and play in our room until she was 17 months, although she had her own room and crib which got very little use. With my second I co-slept with her because I was much more confident I wouldn’t roll on her, we breast fed at all hours, and she wasn’t a good sleeper and she was more confident with me then not. She went in her own bed at 18 months or so. With my son who is 11 weeks, he was much smaller (6 lbs 11 oz) than his sisters (9,5 and 8,11) and I was scared to sleep with him all the time but I do occasionally. I do sleep with him in a bassinet right next to me. The girls will climb in bed with us when they need it and we let them, although my husband and I prefer to sleep without them in our bed. I do think it has an impact on me and my husband’s intimacy. Having three so small already makes for a very tired me so of they are in our bed sex usually won’t happen. Never though around them. That would be very weird to me. Every parent has to do what works for them though. No shade for Milla.
Hah, I was just watching one of the RE movies yesterday and thinking how much I enjoyed those awful films. I figure if guys can have Die Hard and Rambo, I can have Alice.
I used to hop in my mom’s bed all the time as a kid, so I don’t see the problem. I cringed a little at the Third World comment, though – partly because it’s an outdated term, and partly because it’s romanticizing the life choices of people who often make decisions based on lack of options.
F*ck she is beautiful, though. Does this woman ever age?
I like Milla, but I don’t watch those films.
Eh, I don’t give a rats ass what anyone else does in regards to kids/babies & sleeping. I’ve always been of the mind that you do whatever gets everyone the best nights sleep.
My six year old daughter still slithers into bed with me every once in a while, I’m just too lazy to kick her out.
Right?! Ug, these parenting competitions. I need to sto p reading the comment sections of these mommy war stories.
She gets so beautiful with age. But i’ll always remember her as the hippy chic from dazed and confused. And on the cover of 17 magazine with then boyfriend balthazar getty. I feel old!
As for the co sleeping to each her/his own. I can understand if you’re working 14 hour days co-sleeping is a great way to reconnect.
My daughter has always had her own space but when she wanted to sleep with us we never said no. Whatever lets everyone get the most sleep.
I always wonder how many husbands are really on board with this and how many keep their mouths shut because their wives feel strongly about it and life is easier if they keep quiet.
I can speak from experience on this. Co-sleeping or being attentive and responsive to your child does not make them needy. I found it to be quite the opposite. Also, it did not lead to difficulty transitioning her to her own bed and room. One day, she decided she wanted to sleep in her own bed and stayed there. I never forced he transition on her; I let her decide when the time is right. Potty training went the same. I never pushed or pressured and felt like it had to happen on some fictitious timeline or schedule. The potty was always out in the open, waiting for her to be ready. A few months later, she got up and went to the bathroom in the potty and continued from then on. My child is sweet, loving, thoughtful, confident, and independent and I absolutely believe it is largely due to my parenting style. Our Americanized ideals of parenting go against nature IMO. I also have been told many times that I have the most well-behaved child in the class, etc.
It can make them needy. It didn’t in your case. Too many factors go into this, but some can be boiled down to what you allow and don’t allow. What a child asks for, why they ask, and what they take away from your response.
I’ve seen it go both ways. Some became demanding and needy. Some not. It largely depends on the child’s unique personality.
I just think your claim the co-sleeping down not make them needy to be too personal to generalize. It can’t be done.
The co-sleeping comments are very interesting and I am glad to see so many positive comments on different styles of parenting. I didn’t co-sleep, but I had boy/girl twins. They are very different but share the same room (not bed) and same class. They are in 1st grade. Their teacher came up to me and said she loved having them together.They are independent, well behaved and have different friends. People always ask me when they will be in different rooms or classes. I say if this is working and they are doing great “why do something just to do it.” I asked them what they want. They have a special bond with each other, but not over the top. At night they sing each other to sleep. It touches my heart. What’s wrong with a little security in this big world? Someday they will probably want to be in different rooms, but I think it should be what’s best for each family. Mila seems like a loving parent and thats the most important. imao
All the AP co-sleeping talk is hilarious to me. I have two boys, ages 10 and 6. I set them both up in their own rooms once they started sleeping thought the night, but my little one still sneaks into our room in the middle of the night and cuddles between me and hubby sometimes. It’s fine – I figure that’s when he needs us. My older did the same.
Do we really need to make decisions and label based on “philosophy” or type of parenting methods? For the love – I’m a MOM. Of course I read and talk to educated experts about how to parent but 98% of the time I know what’s right for my kids based on my common sense and intuition. Women who are too judgey on this and other related topics and insecure about their choices/station in life etc. I don’t give a hoot what others do as long as they are their kids are happy and healthy.
Yes to this all!
Whatever works. What worked for some won’t bring the same resullts in others. There’s no rule to guarantee results here. It’s a learn as you go and get to know your children and they develope their personalities. Happy? Healthy? Good.
And it’s so tough to talk about your successes as a parent without sounding judgy or preachy. You didn’t crack the parenting code. You’re just making it work for your family.
Here’s my question: does the 7 year old really like sleeping with a newborn? Babies sleep terribly.
Am I just old? Wasnt this co-sleeping stuff simply called “sleeping with your Moma and daddy”? As in, “Dena? You still sleep with your Moma and daddy? Oooh. You’re a baby.” At least that’s what we’d say to our playmates if we found out that at a certain age they were actively (as in nightly) still sleeping with their parents.
And what happened to a kid sleeping in his or her own room with Mom snuggling into that tiny twin sized bed until the kid fell asleep? Or with dad sitting on the side of the bed–nodding his way to sleep.
Not judging. Just asking. And it’s ok to say, “Dena, with your generation X ass, you are just old.” I can take it😀. Thanks!
my mother was a co sleeper. imo it was about her needs and not mine. i couldnt wait to get away.
I understand co-sleeping with infants, when you need to nurse them and all, but a 7 year old? Of course, it depends on every and each person, but I think that as you go on it builds insecurities. I also think it’s good for a child to have his own room and things, it let him become more independent. Also, it can be selfish, but what about your alone time with your husband? Couples needs that and with two children in the middle.. sounds difficult.
Love the comment about having and easy going child first really sets you up if your second is the opposite. My first was my independent, non sleeping, non listening child and my second was as easy as they come.
I didn’t realize co-sleeping was actually a thing. It just sounds totally weird.
Co-sleeping, like breast-feeding, doesn’t work for everybody.
If it works for you, great.
My children were both windmills who needed more space and after some cuddle time, relished their own beds.
My breasts didn’t produce enough milk to feed my children.
Sometimes, the mechanics just don’t work so there isn’t a right or wrong way.
@Seen’s response to JesMari:
Was about to say a similar thing, Seen. I’ve noticed JesMari seemingly on the defensive in her many replies to other commenters that co-sleeping is better because she has all if these “facts” to back up her stance. We get it, you co-sleep and it’s better and you have “proof.” THE END!
I’ve wondered how she is not exhausted defending herself here?!?! And I don’t recall ever seeing anyone say they needed to have sex “more than twice a day”. You’re projecting, girl.
Forgot to add: are that many people interested in Millas personal life or have I been living under a rock?
(I know, I prob come off as highly irritable but I promise I’m not 😉)
Oh my god she might claim she’s not judging but seriously she just sounds so SSSSMMMMUUUUUUGGGGG. We get it Milla, you’re a mum – halo’s in the mail.