Kaiser pointed me to this laughable PR story in People Magazine reiterating the official line on the Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn split. We heard a report from The Daily Mail earlier this week claiming to have a source who said that Lindsey broke up with Tiger after he admitted to cheating. The Mail’s source was oddly specific and particularly defensive of Tiger, which lent the story an air of credibility. Plus we know that Tiger cheated on his wife Elin with literally dozens of women. It’s not a stretch to assume that he fell back on old habits, particularly after he was taking a beating on the links. People is careful to deny this story.

People’s source said “I know everyone is hoping for a cheating scandal, but it’s not. There was no real drama. This was just a relationship that didn’t last. It didn’t work out. They moved apart.”

That sounds just like the suspiciously similarly worded statements these two issued announcing their breakup. Translation: Tiger has his faltering career and waning sponsors to consider, and there’s no way he’ll acknowledge a relapse in his sex addiction.

The National Enquirer, which could have broken the Tiger cheating scandal back in 2007 but worked out a deal for an exclusive interview with a sister publication instead (remember that?), has a new story claiming that Tiger lavished attention on his ex wife, Elin, and that Lindsey found out and broke up with him. While some people may dismiss this out of hand because it’s the Enquirer, they get a lot of insider stories on Tiger. Here’s some of what they report:

Cheapskate Tiger Woods is begging his ex to take him back so he can save a whopping $54 million… when [Lindsey Vonn] found out, she dumped him, sources told The National Enquirer.

“Tiger has been sweet-talking Elin in texts, emails and calls in an attempt to wriggle out of a multi-million dollar payment he’s due to make to her in January 2016,” said the source.

Tiger, 39, still owes Elin $54 million as part of their 2010 divorce settlement.

If he doesn’t pay her off by January 15, 2015, he could reportedly lose his home in Jupiter Island, FL, since a holding company created by Elin holds the home’s mortgage.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, May 25, 2105]

The Enquirer goes on to report that Lindsey found out that Tiger was trying to woo Elin and called it off, but that Tiger’s lame attempt won’t work anyway because Elin just wants her money. They also quote an expert who says that Tiger’s kids, daughter Sam, 7, and son Charlie, 6, could be “scarred for life” by their dad’s split with Lindsey, who became a caregiver to them over the past couple of years. I don’t care about any of these people (except Elin, she should get that money) but the stuff about his kids got to me.