You know that famous scene in Sex and the City (the TV show) when Carrie Bradshaw breaks out in stress hives because she lacks The Bride Gene? That’s how I’ve felt about weddings for a really long time now. I enjoy looking at wedding photos. I enjoy wedding cake (any type of cake, honestly). I enjoy judging your wedding gown. But I’m missing The Bride Gene. I just… don’t care. Personally, I don’t care. And I’m fine with that. I always sort of assumed Sarah Jessica Parker didn’t care that much either – after all, she famously married Matthew Broderick wearing what looked like a black 1980s prom dress. But I forgot that SJP is shilling her own label now, and she’s just started selling bridal shoes. Thus, she covers the new issue of Martha Stewart Weddings. In the cover story, SJP gives ladies some wedding tips!
Her new dream wedding gown: “If I were getting married today, I’d likely wear cream, just to have that bridal experience. Now I would want my dress to have an Oscar de la Renta feel, pockets below the waist, a very fitted bodice, a huge skirt, in taffeta or duchesse satin. That silhouette appeals to me because it’s old-fashioned yet can look very modern.”
Something borrowed, something blue: “At my wedding, my shoes were teal velvet Robert Clergerie. I borrowed a handkerchief, someone gave me an old coin, and the dress was new, so I covered all my bases.”
Bridesmaids shouldn’t complain about their dresses: “It’s incumbent upon anyone who is included in a bridal party to wear what the bride wants—to make it work and not complain. It’s the couple’s day, and it’s an honor to be part of it.”
Choose flowers that have personal significance: “Personally, I love gardenias so, so much, and also lilies of the valley, because they are two of my mother’s favorites. When I was a kid living in Cincinnati, we grew lilies of the valley in the yard. Now, in summer, our house is filled with bouquets of wildflowers my daughters pick. At a wedding, people might strive for a more formal feeling, but a lot of the rules can be broken today. ‘Formal’ could be a handful of carnations, beautiful and simple.”
Stay loose: “Many couples don’t get to experience their own wedding; they’re making the rounds, trying to say hello and thank people. That’s understandable, but also step back at times and focus on what you see. I think it’s nice when there are children running around with their bows untied and hair disheveled. It relaxes and touches people.”
[From Martha Stewart Weddings]
CARNATIONS?!?!? Those are filler flowers!! God, I need to stop quoting SATC. As for SJP’s wedding advice… it sounds pretty normal to me. She’s not saying anything groundbreaking although I side-eye some of her personal preferences, especially her ideal wedding gown. The way SJP describes her current ideal gown just seems so basic and boring. Granted, she’s NOT Carrie Bradshaw and I would hate for her ideal to be that Vivienne Westwood monstrosity she wore in SATC (the first movie). Oh, and if I ever get married (I won’t), little kids will be banned. Tweens are fine, teens are fine. But little kids and babies? Nope.
If you’d like to see photos of SJP’s new bridal shoe line, go here.
Cover courtesy of MS Weddings, additional photos by WENN.
I can and will complain about a dress that doesn’t look good on me. It’s also on the bride to not intentionally make her bridesmaids look foolish; been there done that and hated every second.
I’m really lucky because when I was in my cousin’s wedding party, she just told all of us to go get a black dress. She didn’t care about length, sleeves/straps … She only wanted it to be black. She flat-out said, “I want you to pick something you love that looks good on you, because I want my bridesmaids to be hot!” Why can’t more brides think like that? So I got a great black dress that I can re-wear to pretty much any formal occasion, instead of some bright yellow taffeta monstrosity that I wouldn’t even be able to sell on eBay. SJP can suck it (although I really like her shoes on that mag cover)!
That’s what I did at my second wedding…. My dress was black and white, and the bridesmaids each wore their choice of black dress.
And unless you have a very formal wedding, Kaiser, why ban kids? We had a small but fancy affair, yet kept it informal…. I know it sounds like a contradiction, but it was great. My little nephew was adorable, and we all laughed when he asked a question during the ceremony. No biggie. Even though the location was grand, we wanted it to be a celebration of family, and a kid running around is fine.
That’s what I did too and they still complained. If I could do it all over again we would have eloped to a beautiful destination and not told anyone till we got back.
My ex-SIL made a smart move when she married my ex-brother. Her only instruction concerning dresses was to pick out whatever we wanted from any dress shop. Just make them solids–no patterns.
We bridesmaids were happy and the wedding photos were lovely.
I did that for my first wedding. I picked out a designer, fabric, and color (it was a navy blue) and let my bridesmaids pick from whatever they wanted from that selections (which was pretty extensive). My husband paid for the dresses for the bridesmaids. My last wedding… we eloped and had a beach party in the Bahamas to celebrate.
You’re lucky. The one time I was in a wedding I had to wear a horrible blue dress with a white bib-thingy. I looked like a deranged pilgrim. Ugh.
At my own wedding I simply told my MOH (I only had one attendant) what color I preferred, and let her choose for herself. She looked lovely.
I’m going to be a bridesmaid for the fourth time next year and I am most afraid that the bride will pick something strapless and my FF cups will be droopy. I’m dreading dress shopping.
Yes, and being asked to fork out $700 for a hideous dress I’ll never wear again isn’t an honour, it’s ridiculous. That doesn’t even include shoes, nails,, hair etc. if you love people enough to include them in your wedding party, you shoukd respect them enough to at least consider them as more than just accessories to you on your big day.
I would turn down the “honour”. Really. For most people $700 for a one time use dress is a lot of money! And I paid for my two bridesmaids hair, nails and makeup…. Not the dresses, since they wore their black dresses of their choice, but if I would have asked for something in particular I would have at least shared the cost.
I find that tradition really strange. I would never ask someone to fork over that much money just to stand next to me at my wedding. If I ever have a big wedding, I would save money to pay for stuff like dresses, hair, nails, etc….I don’t think it’s right. And it puts people in a bind.
My bridesmaid dresses were $70 each. I don’t know why people feel the need to stick bridesmaids with massively expensive gowns, it’s not really fair unless the bride is willing to cover/contribute to the cost.
I think the line should be drawn where a brides maid will wear something that is not their taste but should not be asked to wear something embarrassing. Examples: large chested women asked to wear something that will not cover their bra straps, over-weight friends asked to bare their upper-arms (if they don’t usually) or too short skirts, also back-ne is a thing. You know your friends, you know what they wear and why, be nice.
I am completely uncomfortable at my age and with my personal dress code wearing really skimpy dresses, anymore. I loved them when I was in my 20’s, but I look ridiculous in “young” styles, now. I don’t wear skirts above the knee anymore. I’m forty, and my legs are not my best feature, anyway. I also don’t bare a lot of skin.
I have a friend getting married who wants us all to wear strapless, fitted, very short dresses. I’m the only member of the bridal party who is not significantly overweight, as well.
It’s just a thoughtless, brainless, inconsiderate choice. I’m going to look like a painted up cougar who forgot she isn’t 22 anymore, falling out of this ridiculous thing, and one of the other ladies is having anxiety attacks about wearing it (she’s heavy, and doesn’t want to wear something so unflattering and exposed), but doesn’t want to be rude and say anything.
I’m honestly looking for any excuse I can find to bow out. I wanted to support her as she starts her new marriage, but throwing myself on a sacrificial pyre for voluntary humiliation wasn’t part of what I signed up for.
MrsNix, please tell the bridezilla, especially if the other lady is having anxiety attacks, her day will not be ruined if you are all dressed in a more tasteful fashion and the rest of the bridal party should not have to show their affection for the bride by dressing inappropriately. Too many people go over the top with the wedding, which is the most unimportant part of the marriage, instead of just celebrating their love and commitment in a happy ceremony.
Preach. I had a friend who was a solid nice inches taller than I was and do I thought she might not realize that the dress she wanted me to wear was completely overwhelming and unflattering on me. It was some horrible thing from David’s Bridal. She got married at a time when I didn’t have a lot of money and I wasn’t really keen on spending $200 plus alterations on a dress that could be described, charitably, as “not a good look.” I told her that given my height and weight I would rather not wear a mermaid gown with a giant bow on the side. But she really wanted this one do after I expressed my objection I went on to wear it and not say a peep.
Yes, it’s an honor to be in the bridal party but those dresses aren’t cheap and are usually too formal for everyday wear. The bride also has an obligation to remember to be mindful of the people in her wedding party.
THANK YOU. I am currently in the wedding of my future SIL, who despite my pregnancy, is insisting I wear a non-maternity dress she picked out for me, which BONUS includes a corset. I mean REALLY. OH and I get to pay for this mess of a gown myself.
Now that is horrible. Is she angry that you are pregnant too?
Most likely. I got a sort of chilly reception when I disclosed the pregnancy to her and my brother. My SIL is also pregnant and will be at their wedding, so I think they are feeling kind of upstaged. All I have to say about that is, get over it, guys!
Yep. That is pretty much all they can do. Get over it and enjoy their wedding day.
You might consider a dramatic fainting spell as you walk down the isle because of the corset dress to really upstage them. Of course, I am kidding. Actually, come to think of it, depending on how far along you will be, you might not have to fake it.
My sister in law kicked me out of her bridal party for getting pregnant because I couldn’t wear the dress. Instead of letting me get another dress in the same color or something. Oh well. Priorities, brides. Priorities.
it isnt necessarily an honor. some people just want the biggest bridal party they can get.
Or pick out a dress that cost $400 20 years ago!!!! My sister’s wedding gown was cheaper than that!!!
When I got married my sisters and sister-in-law were my bridesmaids, and they come in all shapes and sizes. I went through catalogs and checked simple dresses that would look good on petites as well as plus sizes. I then paid for them myself, including alterations. It was easier for them, they all looked good, and I didn’t hear complaints. I have been stuck with a few doozies. My favorite is when they tell me I can wear the hideously colored ruffled monstrosity again; umm . . . no, I really can’t. Not and keep my self respect.
Well it really depends on if the bride pays for the dress. I was expected to pay for the dress on a few occasions, and you just have to suck it up and pay for a dress that you will never, ever wear again! Sure, if the bride pays for the dress and shoes, you have less to complain about.
Hair colorists should never highlight just the two pieces of hair framing the face in brassy yellow.
LMFAO, you always crack me up with the hair/brow commentary. You have tonal outrage. lol.
Coupled with your fashion outrage, we could make an awesome cop duo. Less Fashion Police, more Reno 911. Absolutely Fabulous! (I get to be Patsy)
She needs a new ‘do. The center part isn’t flattering and she’s just too old for that look IMO. Those dark roots and the streaks–I just don’t understand why she thinks that is a good look.
I was going to give her a pass thinking maybe it was bad lighting but no. Pretty sure that look died with democracy when W. got elected.
LOL!
I liked her hair dark, like it was in the SATC movie after big and she broke up
I’m missing the bridal/wedding gene as well. Weddings bore the hell out of me as do all the umpteen staged “playful” engagement pictures. Blech!!!!
Omg, I freaking hate engagement photos.
haha, a friend says “engagement photos are a great way to record how radiant and happy you were before you lose your mind and get lines from the stress of wedding planning.”
So I planned my wedding in a day, hopped in a car with a cocktail dress and we road tripped to marry on a beach on a cool island where all are friends were gathered for a summer week-long party. Done and done. It was perfect.
I am with you. Weddings are so boring..I am happy for the couple but i just can’t. I went in 2 these days,enough!
I’m from Croatia and our weddings are pretty fun. They also last quite long.
What do people use engagents photos for? People don’t do that here.
@Franca, my husband is of Croatian heritage and the family weddings we’ve been to were huge. Ours was small by comparison with 130 guests. Croatia looks beautiful, we’ve never been there even though his parents aunts and uncles have all moved back there. And as for the engagement photo I can’t speak for everyone but ours was part of our photography/video package. I framed the 8×10 and the photo was used on the place cards at the reception hall. It’s a nice momento.
I guess it depends on the wedding. My parents only had 80 people, but my uncle had around 300.
People with families abroad do tend to have huge weddings for some reason.
I’m from Croatia and I hate our traditional weddings. Too many people, brides who ‘have’ to be glamorous to be on par with the family sxpectations, the “buying” of the bride?!!!!, so many people you don’t really know, not being able to choose the music you want because there’s always at least ten idiot conservative cousins who need to hear some Dalmatian legend, some “klapa” song about how many sons you should bore, the whole(ok, that’s universal) thing with money-gifts, no matter how much money you have…brrrr… It’s usually a cringe-fest in kitsch. That’s why we went to a small island my husband is originally from, invited only the closest friends and family(35 people), and had a blast. I have to admit I’m also not a “wedding” person, and I hated all the “which flowers?Make-up?Hair?” My MIL tried to impose on me: my sister did my make-up, my friend did my hair, I wore my grand-grand mothers vintage 100 years old beautiful wedding dress. We planned it for a whole week, a d it took a week only bc I wanted to get married in Church. When we got home, my parents organised big summer babecues for all of our family and family friends. It turned out awesome.
OTOH, I get that when you’re from immigrant family, the traditional wedding is probably a matter of nostalgia and honouring you roots, it has a different meaning.
Missing that gene here as well – let my mom pick the dress (as I’ve had gigs where I wear anything from leather pants and a chainmail bikini top to wench wear to full on court gown’s, so I figured I would relieve some of her angst and let her pick something ‘proper’. Anyway, I HAD my princess moment at 14 – I got to wear an exact, down to even the hair jewelry, Labyrinth ball gown for a costume show/ball for some older friends.) even had my husband pick the venue, music, people IN the wedding (had to desperately cast about to fill my side of things, the lad picked 8 groomsmen!) ext. The only things I did? Date, the flowers I wanted to carry and I went out of town to get the cake. (Got an actual wedding cake look at 1/5 the price by calling it a birthday cake. Seriously. Cost me $80 for the exact same thing I was told at one place was almost $400! Even the same decor!) We shared the colors. I tried for MONTHS to talk him into the justice the peace. No dice.
As for not complaining about bridesmaid dresses? I think I can, will, and DO. Why? May I present the following 3 dresses I’ve had to wear as examples (keeping in mind there are almost a dozen more just as bad I’ve had to have my photo taken in AND not one was a costume wedding) : 1) lime green leopard print lycra wiggle dress. Complete with beehine-esque hairstyle. Yes. Really. To this day a friend and I argue who had it worse, she says she did because a size 24 shouldn’t be asked to wear a lycra minidress in a church, me because I hold an, at the time, size 44HH shouldn’t be asked to wear it ANYWHERE. 2) Melba Toast Pink hoop skirted gone with the wind monstrosity. FULL hoops. Petticoats. Layers and layers and a badly made (I make good ones) corset. For a miserable Gone With the Wind theme horror show. I left the wedding AND the friendship when the minstrel theme servers came in. No blackface but dear god all the same! 3) my brothers wedding. All the other bridesmaids were 5’2. I’m 6’2. The dress didn’t fit me, couldn’t be made longer, no changes allowed because ‘everyone has to match and everyone ELSE looks great! So a light weight (in Michigan December weather) short sleeve (nearly to my shoulder where elbow on others) BOWED hunter green monster. The bow was for the waist, still an odd choice on adults but fine. Sadly on me, it turned into a demented paid of floppy wings jutting from my shoulder blades. The only reason I didn’t have to burn photos was I fainted during the service and got to skip all the photo ops after. And no, I didn’t plan that. No matter how bad, it was for my big brother.
Now, I will (and obviously just did) complain loudly and publicly about the dresses some friends and family forced me into. But almost 100% of the brides looking back agree and sheepishly laugh about it. And while I may try like the dickens to change minds, redirect and even once tried to form a party revolt…. when the time comes I’ve always sucked it up, grit my teeth, put it on and smiled during the service because the day of the wedding? That’s not about me in any way. It’s about the two folks up front at the alter or wherever they stand. And if defeated ahead of time, I’ll even manage to accept my position as lucky to watch my loved ones hitch up together and even have a lot of fun at the party knowing I can burn the dress as soon as I get home.
Granted. That wiggle dress…. still worries me. Should a dress burn green and purple? God only knows what I released into the world THAT day!
Ewww!!!
Leopard lycra? Gone With the Wind antebellum-style? Pardon my French, but lady, you associate with freaks. I mean, minstrel shows? Why not entertain the guests with some episodes of that stupid cartoon from the early ’40s, Pow-Wow the Indian Boy, then toss in some SS uniforms while you’re at it? Fainting? Why couldn’t I have just fainted? I have my allergic reaction hives and a custom-made dress that still didn’t fit and was literally coming apart at the seams (shoddy, shoddy, shoddy) and the boob spillage (and comments) to remember that day.
Jo ‘Mama’ Besser? You are totally right (weirdly, I even made the SS comparison when I dealt with the hysterical bride the week after) about them being freaks. I did my best to not make a total scene about leaving, but I wasn’t exactly silent about my absolute disgust either – I also was pretty blunt when asked directly as I gathered up my things and got my butt outta there. The only good thing about the whole mess (beyond allowing me to finally jettison those idiots from my life forever) was, when I was stopped about 2 miles away from the venue for speeding, I was able to use what I was escaping from as good enough reason to just get a warning. It was sticky at first – I had literally ripped the bottom half off to get behind my steeringwheel and was driving in heels, a pair of boycut panties and a shredded peach corset top and nothing else – but between explaining the freak show behind me and the lovely ladycop who had stopped me seeing the hoops in the back, she not only waved me on, she gave me the address of a local pub she would call to sneak me into the back so I could get clothing on before my not well-thought out near nudity could be caught.
There is a very very good reason as to why I told my bridesmaids “Black dress, please no clubbing outfits – something appropriate for the fact the catholic priest was letting my very much NOT catholic backside be married in his church so lets be respectful – and just made them all royal blue shawls to link them together. Most adult women own a decent black dress, and if not they can be found cheaply if needed. Tried to make sure no one felt pressured about the cost, just wanted them to be comfy and concentrate on having a lot of fun at the reception after.
@Skyblue: OMG! THIS! I find cutesy engagement photos utterly nauseating! 20 years ago and before this wasn’t even a “thing”, and now every couple feels obligated to have a photo shoot of their engagement. Weddings have become so gimicky and people have been brainwashed by marketing.
Ugh, that bird in her hair.
Co-sign your small child ban for weddings!
That bird was absurd. Dress was over-the-top too.
Well, it was for the movie so it was over the top, that was the whole point. I loved it…. Don’t know how I’d feel about it in real life.
@ Tough Cookie: Agree 100%.
It takes a lot of chutzpah and confidence to pull off a dress like that – especially at your own wedding – and that fact made it even more demoralizing for Carrie when Big did what he did, undermining everything that dress said about the wearer. It was absolutely perfect for both the character and for the plot line.
In real life, it’s a massive gamble; but when it works, it works big.
I’ve never been nearly as bothered by the bird (it was Carrie, after all, and something had to be insane) as I was by the fact that every other gown she tried on looked much more flattering. The Westwood dress was bulky and ill-fitting, which wasn’t Carrie at all.
Yes that dress was the worst….LOL I’d forgotten about that. I need to watch the movie again!!
It was SO poorly fitting! The top is huge on her boobs!
I agree, tragic fit, how did it make it on camera?
*Breaks in full body hives cause my bf has MAJOR wedding Fever and specifications and told me we cant elope or go Courthouse and All I care in weddings is to look slutty/drink/and respectable music and he expects me to plan him an occasion to wear a tuxedo and Oh He said Bridesmaids would be nice *
I can’t do this post Ya’ll… my sister asked me to set up a pinterest board to discuss wedding “colors”
Wedding Threat Level Red Alert! Did TBFN propose? Or is this all wild speculation at this point?
Oh No This isn’t so much speculation as every f*cking weekend he tells me That “for Our wedding I was Thinking…” or when We get married… or discussing same with my sister
Every weekend
because he says it’s fine and dandy for me to move in ( which until that Room of Doom doesn’t get cleaned by the Brother we can’t start that magical stuff I showed you with the wallpaper) but that he wants to put a ring on it sooner rather than later
I want to see the ring immediately.
Oh. My. God!! You’re getting married?!? That’s so exciting! Be glad I don’t know where you live or I would be over at your house like a shot with a notebook and a mood board. I love weddings, and YOUR wedding? Who will be the most awesome bride ever? Ok, I’ll calm down, but you can do this. Just take one aspect at a time, and think about what you love and don’t spend too much money and everyone will be there and feel so happy for you no matter what, so don’t stress about it. And put all the info in a folder or a binder and put follow up dates on your calendar let people help you. And tell me everything, no detail too small.
Not yet GNAT But we’ve KNOW we Are ( there will Be no ridiculous youtube proposal this is one of those conversations we are having openly and rationally) is a matter of time He wanted like to do a short engagement but I explained That that’s just a no no especially if I get my way and do destination so as to not lift a finger etc
I just don’t have the patience for it but him and my sister?? That is who will end up going crazy on details I’ll just work on music and booze
Those are the two most important ingredients for almost everything! Lol
Lol GoodNames, you is cute. 🙂
I think we all need to get together and crash QQ future wedding! I can’t only imagine what a fun time it would be.
I’VE GOT QQ’S ADDRESS Y’ALL! And I am so crashing that wedding, I shall be wearing all black and *possibly* a cape.
That would be so fun!! QQ’s wedding theme could be Celebitchy Reunion! I’ll start working on the mood board…I’m seeing Cheesits, fake babies, we’re all wearing beige booty shorts…
And when we crash, one must include a facinator or equally posh hat. God, I love hats at weddings… Wish Americans would catch on ..sigh
Look At You All doing THEEEEEE Most and getting so Uninvited *blocks Thread*
Don’t be a bridezilla, QQ.
Sounds like your boyfriend should get to planning if he’s the one who wants the big to-do. Seriously, weddings are crazy stressful under the best of circumstances. Don’t take on the work if you’re not into it. His idea, his headache.
Also, congratulations!
If he wants a big to-do, get him to plan it. Or set him up with a wedding planner.
I was a wedding planner in a past life, and I had a few grooms who planned the whole thing and the brides just didn’t care. The brides were happy as clams, and not one of the grooms had bad taste.
LOL THAT is another thing… My sweet Babylove … his entire taste is : Bad 80s movies looks and Star Wars and I won’t do that to him. He deserves better but it’ll be the longest ass engagement ever if I’m to do things right and properly and as Debt free as possible
Dude if Justin planned your wedding it would so be like:
http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2014-04-04-ScreenShot20140404at11.45.16AM.png
EVERLASTING NO MIMIF
May I humbly suggest a venue where you can pour your own? Makes it much cheaper to drink all night long. Aka more money for the alcohol budget.
We bought liquor in cases and returned unopened cases after the event, it worked out very well with the wine. Everybody was able to drink what they wanted, we didn’t run out, and there were leftover cases to return afterwards. Of course one of our douche bag “friends” decided to steal a case of wine from us that day. A Lovely wedding memory, but at least we can laugh about the drama today. We got most of the wine back and an apology to boot. Some people can’t resist free booze especially if they think your father is paying for it.
Well you’ve got nothing to worry about at all until there’s an actual ring and a date.
I really wish there were more bridal pant suits out there.
A bridesmaid romper, maybe? That’s genius.
Didn’t Solange Knowles wore one in cream?
@Sofia
Solange’s wedding was seriously awesome. I’ll always remember hers and Brad/Angelina’s because of how unique it was. She and her husband wore all white, and bicycled up to their wedding. It was amazing.
I think people get so wrapped up in the “wedding “, that they forget about the marriage. I was never one of those girls who would play wedding or daydream about how it would look. We just went down to the court house and It was fine with me. Weddings are so stressful and sometimes the reason for the marriage gets forgotten. I don’t care about colors schemes and themes, or any of it. I just wanted to find a man who I adored and adored me in return. Thankfully, I found that and we’re going strong after 19 years.
Ditto to everything you said! 🙂 15 years ago we popped into a court house, and then spent our money on a month long holiday instead. Maybe it’s an introvert thing, but I don’t see the appeal in a day-long theatre production where I’m the star.
Same here! I do not want a big wedding, I hate crying in front of people, and I know that’s what would happen. And I definitely hate it when people stare at me/everyone is focused on me (even at birthdays when they’re singing happy birthday)….I want to go to a courthouse, do it, and then have a barbecue in my grandma’s backyard.
Virgilia – whenever you do get married (possibly to your “future husband”?), I am FOR SURE crashing your wedding!
Agreed – I’d rather do something more casual and fun than worry myself to death about every detail and trying to impress people, like some friends have done.
I guess I don’t have the bride gene either!
same here! we got married at city hall, five years ago (today! 😉 ) and it was great. super simple. I did wear a white dress, but it was sort of officey, business-casual. we had one friend with us to take photos. afterwards we went to a swanky hotel bar and bought the most expensive cocktails on the menu. we figured we could splurge since we saved so much on the wedding. haha.
Yes and Yes. I want to go to the court and then (after the honeymoon) offer a big party to family and friends where people can just enjoy themselves. That’s a proper celebration that keeps what’s intimate and really private between the couple.
Great comment. If couples put half the effort into the marriage that they expend planning the wedding, the divorce rate would drop precipitously.
Yeah, I couldn’t be bothered doing all that planning either. We got married at night in a pub with 30 odd people and great pub food/drinks. He proposed on a Friday, I had the whole shebang booked and organised on Monday. We just wanted an excuse for our friends to party more than anything, we certainly didn’t worry about bridesmaids or groomsmen or flowers. Honestly the idea of ranking my friends was a bit obnoxious to me – plus how many brides are still great friends with all their bridesmaids? I’ve seen quite a few weddings destroy that relationship and then you have someone you don’t even like anymore standing up with you on your special day.
@aims: You did it right! Why go into debt before you’re even married (or drain your parents’ retirement if that’s your tradition) and put all that wedding stress on yourselves and everyone else? We’ve been brainwashed to think all that is necessary. And congratulations on 19 years!!!
Thousand times THIS! Wedding is one day, marriage is for life. I think many forget that. That’s what I was thinking as we organised ours from excavation site, while working. In a week.
My wedding to Mr Loblaw was a nice party. We had about 150 guests, we were married in a park and threw a party in a nice venue there with good food, plenty of wine, a live band and a delicious cake. Our families are into big weddings but we tried to keep it smallish. We did not go into debt. My Dad helped us pay for it. He gave the same amount to me as to my older brother. My brother and his bridezilla spent it all on their over the top wedding. She was miserable the whole time. My husband and I spent a little on our fun wedding and the rest on my degree from University. I also received a lovely gift from my gramma and I spent that money on our deluxe honeymoon to Tahiti. I have no regrets, weddings are stressful, people go bananas, but ours was nice. One of our friends married a year later and paid us the great compliment of saying he wanted his wedding to be like ours, a fun celebration. Their wedding was so much better than ours though, they sang a song they wrote together, it was amazing.
I would say just do not complain about the dress to the bride. If a bride gave me a horrible dress to wear I would not say anything to her, but I would bitch about it with the other bridesmaids. It is a good bonding exercise.
Almost necessary, actually. And you can never “wear it afterwards.”
I went once to a ‘wear your worst bridesmaid dress’ party – sort of a la 27 Dresses. Mine was so fugly that I was embarrassed even running from the apartment to the cab.
Another woman I know makes ‘dainties’ (settee pillows) out of her old bridesmaid dresses. Her ‘divan of irony’ looks like Barbara Cartland threw up on it.
Ha! My worst was a one armed Grecian polyester nightmare. I was blushing all the way down the aisle, and not from modesty.
Weddings have become so incredibly expensive and over the top. The expectation that bridesmaids should fork over $1k+ (cost of gifts, dress, travel etc) for the “honor” of participating in a wedding is nuts. While people are drowning in student debt, priced out of homeownership and so on. People have lost sight of what really matters–I am truly sick of the commodification of love (and friendship).
Yep, I decline requests for bridesmaid status, as a rule now.
You have to pay for your dress??
I paid for my three BM’s dresses and for their hair and make up and shoes and alterations. I also paid the bulk of their hotel room. It was my decision to ask them and why should they be expected to fork out for that?
(I also left the dress choice and shoes up to the three of them, they all wore different styles they were happy with only gave a rough colour idea but them being comfortable was more important)
Here it’s customary for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, and I have always done so, though I’ve never been able to wear them more than once. Even a friend with a $125K wedding budget made us pay for our $250 ugly dresses. Nuts! I told mine to wear any black dresses they liked and we did our own hair and makeup. They looked beautiful and like themselves, which is what I wanted.
$125k? OH MY GOD. That’s insane.
My bridesmaids paid for their gowns, it’s normal here (New Zealand) but they were $70 (about US$55) each. Not out of the budget of any of my three bridesmaids, I made sure. Didn’t care what shoes they were, as long as they were black.
Luckily my maid of honour is a makeup artist and did our makeup as a wedding gift to me. She’s the sweetest!
Yeah, I don’t get the logic. In Croatia bride and groom pay for accomodation and any obligations they impose on ther guests (except formal wear:it’s expected you have some formal wear already). But if you have a destination wedding, you pay accomodations for guests.
Wait, if you’re a bridesmaid you pay for your own dress? Here the bride pays for everything, if she has bridesmaids because they’re not so common here.
Yep, traditionally in the States the bridesmaid pays for all of her stuff. It’s pretty rare that the bride covers those expenses, and even then it really only happens if she’s both well-monied and a nice person. Once I had a friend pay for our hair styling, but we were “required” to pay for our ridiculously priced airbrushed makeup.
Yeah I love that the majority of my friends are dudes, so this is never an issue for me.
I’ve seen it done both ways-sometimes bridesmaids have to pay for their own dress, sometimes the bride pays for it.
On another note, my co-worker’s niece just got married at this really cool restaurant in Cambridge. It was really rustic and casual, it took her 6 weeks to plan and cost a little over 10K–which is still ridiculous to me, but insanely cheap compared to most weddings.
Hearing about her experience and seeing the pics definitely changed my mind about eloping. If I could do something that was casual, affordable, and didn’t involve months of planning, I might actually be ok with the idea of a wedding.
I’m planning mine now and I only had about 5 months total to do it and I’m not too stressed. It doesn’t matter that much to me, I more or less want to get it over with. I do like my dress though.
Kitten, it can be done. We planned in five months, at a very nice place but in an off month (early May). The only planner I had was the coordinator at the hotel who set up appointments with their chef, we chose the menu after a tasting, paid a small fee to bring wine of our choice (meaningful to reflect my heritage), hired a local flower shop for very simple arrangements since the hotel was already stunning and fully decorated…. Done. Skipped the Vera Wang “required” $7,000 gown and spent $650 on a custom made black and white dress, got a DJ and that was it. I spent a bit on invitations, and worded them tongue in cheek but skimped on photos which is my only regret, the guy we got for cheap was terrible. We had better photos from friends and family.
The only reason we did not do a destination wedding, which we both preferred, was the parents, not so much mine, I had already done a trad church wedding… But hugs dad, who had believed his eldest son would always be a bachelor, was so thrilled about the wedding, he insisted (and generously paid for both a honeymoon and a big chunk of the wedding).
If I had to do it again and keep it cheap, I would still choose the same place but would do a brunch or high tea instead. You get the party and the location but costs way less.
I am now a bridesmaid in a 6th wedding. Yes 6. If this one weren’t my brother’s (my only sibling) I would’ve declined. I can’t take it anymore….like, seriously, I can’t. The dresses are usually horrible…they’re always that shiny satiny crap you can never wear again – my dog doesn’t even want to lay on them. I am so SICK of having to pay for all this crap for another person’s wedding. I’m not saying it’s not an honor to be a part of it….but it’s really not a blessing to be asked to throw a shower, throw a bachelorette party (REALLY?), buy a dress, buy shoes, pay for hair, etc.
I am 30…and after reading this, I realize that I too lack the bride gene…I could never quite figure it out – but that’s exactly it. I’m never going to grow one either. I am engaged (just within the past month) and I am so overwhelmed with the thought of planning a wedding that I just want to not have one… and if I do, carnations would be banned.
…and the shower gift and the wedding present. There is no gift giving at a bachelorlette party, right?
You guys have showers AND bachelorette parties? I’ve never been to a bridal shower. Is it like a baby shower? What’s the point?
We have hen’s nights (equivalent to bachelorette parties. We don’t usually do gifts for them though, although some people bring a little something. Definitely not obliged!)
I’ve been a bridesmaid four times. One dress was awful, one could have been worn again, and the other two were pretty but definitely bridesmaid-y. All the brides kept dress costs down, which I appreciated because I had no money and traveled for each wedding.
When I got married, I had two bridesmaids. We all went dress-shopping together, because I wanted to pick something that looked good on them and that they liked. We finally found the winner on the sales rack at David’s Bridal, and I changed the wedding colors to be based off their dresses (I had been thinking lilac, but the dresses were a milk chocolate color, and were incredibly flattering, and that was more important than the theoretical color scheme in my head). I was also relieved, because until we found that dress, the frontrunner was $250, which was far more than I’d ever had to pay. The dress we chose was under $100, which was much more reasonable.
And one of the bridesmaids separated the top from the skirt, hemming the latter, and actually has worn them since as separates.
Can I just say that I’m so glad that bridesmaids and therefore bridesmaids dresses are not a (traditional) thing to do.
I would probably be annoyed if I had to wear (and also pay for?) some ugly dresses I know I’ll never wear again.
I’ve always thought of carnations as funeral flowers, so to have them in a wedding seems strange.
+1
My mother (and consequently now me) saw them only used in funeral wreaths and would therefore not have them in the house.
I used to work for a high end florist, and they didn’t even sell carnations.
Aren’t chrysanthemums cemetery flowers?
I thought it was lilies? In the old days when ice was the only option for delaying decomp, lilies masked the smell with their intense fragrance.
Sorry for any offense this may have caused.
Whenever I have to order flowers for an occasion, I make sure to tell my florist – no “crap” flowers. They know exactly what I’m talking about.
Yes a million times. I can not think of them as anything other that funeral flowers. The smell is exactly like a funeral home. I can’t.
+10000! First thing I thought too! Carnations are funeral flowers
Lilies are funeral flowers, carnations may be filler in many funeral bouquets but lilies are the ones that are inappropriate flowers for weddings if you’re into that sort of thing.
I like going to weddings, but just thinking about having a wedding gives me anxiety – if you’re the bride everyone looks at you.
As for the bridesmaids – it’s her day and she’s paying for the bridesmaid dresses so I’ll wear whatever she wants.
And here people would get offended if you told them they couldn’t bring their kids.
What wedding were you in that the bride paid for the dresses? JEALOUS. I haven’t had such luck.
Me either! I’ve been in several and always had to pay for everything – the dresses, alterations, shoes, hair styling, etc. When you add that to the shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift, and in some cases travel expenses, it’s so expensive. And then comes all the baby gifts a few years later!
One of my favorite SATC episodes was when Carrie registered for herself to get her lost (overpriced) shoes replaced, after years of giving to her friend. I need to do that for myself! Oh, you had a shower, wedding, and twins within two years, and I gave gifts for each? I would like a new ipad in return, please.
I cant believe its a thing to expect bridesmaids to pay for their own shit!
You ask them so why should they pay??
I think it’s fine as long as the bride doesn’t expect a wedding gift from them, and as long as the bride’s not asking an unreasonable price.
Like, if your dress is over $100, maybe the bride should be chipping in, because to me, that’s a big ask.
Isn’t that great?! The one I was in, the bride paid also paid for my dress (which is the way I think it should be); after all, she is the one that chose it–the style (blech) and the color (blech, blech).
37 years ago before my wedding I got into a big fight with my brother about my 3 year old niece, who was going to be my flower girl. She would be the only small child at the wedding (no one else had kids yet) and I didn’t want her at the reception, which was going to be in the evening (she would have been understandably cranky and tired by then.) My brother fought me tooth and nail but I won HAHAHAHAH!!
Moral–the bride gets the final word. And don’t you forget it!
To be honest, if my sister was getting married and did that to me it would hurt my feelings very much.
People are usually sensible enough not to bring toddlers to weddings, but to flat out ban them? I can’t imagine that.
My niece WAS at the wedding. She was my flower girl. The reception was in the evening, with a loud band. There were no other children there. Later my brother and sister in law said they were glad they left her with a sitter so that they could dance, drink and enjoy themselves.
I menat reception. Lets be honest, the reception is the most important part.
Here people either don’t bring kids to the reception, or bring them fir sinner and then take them home around midnight.
But still, I would be uncomfortable flat out banning kids.
Really? I think the wedding is the most important part.
If you have an expensive sit down charged-per-plate dinner, are you supposed to pay for a bunch of kids who are going to pick at their food? I suppose buffet or family style dinners, that are more casual, might be okay for kids.
In the end, I think everyone should do what the bride wants. it’s her wedding.
You say USUALLY.
But I sat through a wedding two months before our own where my husbands cousin let her infant shriek and fuss and her five year old yell and run around DURING THE CEREMONY.
We provided day care in the church during our wedding and had an adults only dinner afterwards. And I absolutely don’t care that I was the big old bitch who banned kids. If I thought the parents in the families were sensible, I’d have allowed kids. But you have to know what kind of peoples you’re dealing with too -if the kids that would show up are all around 5+ it’s not so bad. I just knew ahead of time it’d be a mess, and the wedding we went to before ours just solidified it. I had a handful of people say how awesome it was the way we did it, and they wish they’d done it for theirs.
We’re also the oldest in our families, and none of our siblings, or closest family members HAVE children. But I made sure to state all of this very politely on the invitations themselves – they knew MONTHS ahead of time that kids weren’t invited, and that daycare was available during the ceremony.
@Minx, I’m with you girl! We welcomed children at our wedding ceremony, but then had an adults only reception. My OWN son didn’t go to our reception, because it started at 8pm & he was only 2yrs old. We left plenty of time in between the ceremony & reception for parents to get their kids home & set up with a sitter. A few parents complained that kids were banned, but they all later came to me and thanked me for ‘forcing’ them to leave their kids at home because they had so much more fun. And all the childless people also thanked us because there weren’t children under foot, touching all the food, etc. I mainly just did it because I’m cheap and didn’t want to pay for all those extra meals. 😀
Your story totally sh*ts me. My cousin did the same thing to me. Last summer he asked me to have my 2 daughters (then 4 and 6) as flower girls but did not invite them to the reception that was directly after (nor did he mention that to me until the service was over).
What was I supposed to do with my kids?! Leave them at the side of the road? My entire family had travelled 4 hours to the middle of nowhere for this wedding and reception, there was no one to take care of my kids.
I paid $400 for frock and hair and had them stand like angels in the hot sun for a 45 minute ceremony for them only to be told they couldn’t eat a meal?! We quietly left without eating. It wasn’t a fight because it was their day and I wasn’t going to make this about us, but we haven’t spoken since.
Either kids are part of your day or not, but to have them “work” for you and not feed them is so tacky. When we married, there were no kids anywhere. Period.
@Sienna: You really got hosed, and I’m sorry. I made sure that our wedding invitations said “adults only reception” so people were all aware ahead of time. I also included hotel information for out-of-town guests, and had sitters set up if anyone needed them. I had a niece in my wedding and I bought her dress & shoes ($40 total) and her mum did her hair ($400 is RIDICULOUS). Because we had a later ceremony I also provided refreshments for the wedding party as we were getting ready. And, as I mentioned, we had lots of time in between ceremony & reception for parents to take their kids home/to a sitter (hubs & I had pics taken during that time).
I still stand by a couple’s choice to have an adults only reception-as long as it’s handled correctly. Pretty much every single person who attended our wedding was so glad we had a kid free reception!
Minx, at my wedding, there were several children and that was what I wanted, but for the reception, I hired a special room with two babysitters, a kids dinner, a movie and games. I didn’t want them running from table to table and I thought they would be bored. This one guy I only invited because he was a long time client of my husband’s and my husband really liked him called and asked if his daughter and her daughter, aged 5, could come, too. What could I say? Never met them, having a really small wedding, but sure, strangers are welcome. So the little girl gets a special invitation to her “reception” and all, then at the adult reception, I see the wait staff shuffling seats and bringing an extra chair over to one of the tables and do you know that SOB brought her to the reception anyway? And she was an obnoxious little brat and ran from table to table and asked me where my dress came from and told me HERS was from Paris. Ugh. I had a great time but I’ve never liked that guy even now that he is dead. Lol
GNAT I was loving that idea of a kids special reception and what a great idea it was and but then the end, what an ass and bratty kid.
I’m sick of other people’s children. I like kids, but I pay a lot of taxes and put up with a lot of nonsense because of other people’s children. I’m not a terrible person for wanting you to leave your children at home when I’m throwing a party for adults. You made the choice to have children, not me. If you can’t understand why a bride doesn’t want children at her wedding, that’s your problem, not every event is about you and your precious progeny.
I actually love her black dress. That SatC wedding tent looks like a rumpled duvet.
And as for the junior designer making her eyes even beadier and her nose even bigger than they naturally are? Oh yeah, well done, that’s *such* an improvement over just letting her look her age.
I had only one bridesmaid/maid of honor and she’s my best friend. I told her to wear what was comfy considering I was married by a notarized professor at a park. Best friend wants a huge massive omg flowers and colors and pintrest and pocket squares and hand written table cards wedding and I’m looking at her like how cookie monster looks at a salad. I don’t get it.
I told her if she puts me in orange, I’m going to fight her. I’ll look like a bag of Reeses Pieces.
I agree about the not complaining part, in general… but when my sister got married, the one other bridesmaid and myself only asked that the dresses not be green, as we’re both yellow skinned ladies… wouldn’t you know… she picked the most hideous shade of green – we both looked like we’d had the flu!
I picture my wedding out in some forest with lights hanging in the trees to remind me of the fireflies I used to catch as a kid. Moss everywhere, me in a long flowy dress and simple flat sandals, my husband wearing whatever he wants but hopefully something simple, and my long black hair down and curled.
Instead we got married at the courthouse after filling out the paperwork for insurance after our car was broken into that morning.
You should throw yourself your dream wedding anyway, on your anniversary or something, it only takes fairy lights and a little planning, no need for guests or an officiator either!
On a totally different note:
“Now, in summer, our house is filled with bouquets of wildflowers my daughters pick.”
Where in NYC can you pick wildflowers>
From the expensive florist that they pay for them in.
OMG, that was my thought exactly!
I don’t think she means NYC, probably means upstate or the Hamptons in summer.
A wedding I was in years ago, we all were allowed to weigh in on the dresses, and ended up with something pretty decent. The bride then bought jewelry for us all to wear as gifts. It was not to my taste, but whatever – it’s not my day, not my choice.
The bride’s sister on the other hand, pitched a fit (at the rehearsal, no less) and refused to wear the jewelry or the shoes at the wedding. She upset her sister and hurt her feelings, and added stress to an already stressful situation.
I think if you agree to be a bridesmaid and are paying for it, you should get a say in the dress, but ultimately it’s the bride’s day and you should try to respect her choices.
My sister in law had everything her way and had a miserable day. I was maid of honor, in a dress her mother made for me, her mother also made the wedding dress, guess which dress looked like crap? Anyway, my dear sister in law, the original bridezilla, did nothing but complain from beginning to end. I have never seen a single photograph of the event, despite sitting through three hours of photographs. It was a nightmare. My sister in law is a crazy person, and she had so much emotionally invested in this one day, there was no way it could ever live up to her expectations, even if she wasn’t batshit crazy.
I agree.
I mean I don’t think a bride should make it a vendetta to have her bridesmaids look ridiculous or uncomfortable, and if you’re being ‘forced’ to be one or are not especially close to the bride it sucks.
However, if the bride is your friend then cut her some slack. All you have to worry about is a dress and some shoes. She’s got 50-11 things and if she wants the day to look a certain way then try and be compromising.
Maybe it’s just because my style is so different from all my friends and I know there’ll be all kinds of conflict when any of us is ready to marry.
I was so disappointed with Carrie’s wedding gown. God what a nightmare, and that bird on top of her head. After years of being a devoted fan and loving the fashion aspect of the show, that gown was not nearly what I expected.
My wedding was about 10k, I just wanted to dance the night away with my groom, which I did! I let my bridesmaids pick their dress and paid for their jewelry (it is customary here that bridesmaids pay for their dresses) I pretty much only splurged on the photography and bought the second dress I tried on! My mom and aunt planned the wedding, I just wanted to be married.
I still love her VW wedding dress from the film. Ditto the bridesmaid’s dresses. It’s deliciously full of drama, bird on her head and all, but I’d only fantasize about it rather than wear it. Dita Von Teese looked similarly amazing in her VW wedding dress. Drama, drama, drama.
Charlotte’s wedding dresses gave me hives. They were so boringly conventional………
Of course my standard for a wedding dress is still CBK to JFK Jr precisely because it was unusual back then.
I wish strapless dresses weren’t all column dresses with a fishtail bottom.
I love her dress and bird veil as well! It’s EXACTLY what SATC fashion was all about – over the top, wild, impractical, and totally Carrie.
SJP launched her shoe line a few months after I got married and I was pretty bummed – I would have worn a pair of her shoes for my wedding in a heartbeat (love the styles, I know she works with Manolo Blahnik on them, so they are very reminiscent of his line of shoes).
That’s a LOT of Photoshop on her feet.
I honestly don’t understand the point of making bridesmaids wear ugly dresses on purpose, and then, to add insult to injury, making them PAY for the fugly dresses! I’ve never seen this custom outside of America, is bridal insecurity and neurosis encouraged to such an extreme extent?
it makes me really grateful to my family and our culture, where even the bride’s closest friends/bridesmaid-equivalents are actually encouraged to show up looking as nicely dressed and done up as possible, because that is a mark of respect for the couple and the occasion. None of this “you can’t outshine the bride!” nonsense. As long as you don’t wear red (bridal colour, and for the bride only), black (inauspicious colour) or white (colour of death, you don’t want it at a wedding!), you’re good to go.
I think the US should do what the Brits do. If you have a dress you want them to wear buy it for the bridesmaid’s.
Im not married but id like to think I’d try to at least help with the cost. I know how much money it is to be in a party and end up with a dress for several hundred dollars you can never wear again.
I agree. Fortunately for me, I am getting at the age where I am a bit over the hill to be a bridesmaid (thank goodness). I do have one younger brother not married, so I guess there is always the chance I may be called upon to do it again, but I hope not. I really feel quite put out by the whole thing and wouldn’t have my feelings one bit if I wasn’t asked to be in a wedding. That said, the best have been when the bride gave us a color and a general style but allowed us to pick our poison. My sister and her friends all go married at the same time, and they were all in each other’s weddings. It was about 10 of them who were very close growing up. Six years later, I think my sister is still paying off wedding gown/bridemaids dresses she will never wear again.
How many times is she going to pose sitting surrounded by the boxes of shoes?
Missing the bride gene also. Shoot my husband had to wait four years after our engagement for me to go through with the thing. We were out for a drive and I said let’s do it and he braked the car and grinned then said, ‘So you are actually going to marry me?”
We got married at the courthouse. Both of our parents were there and afterwards we had a celebration dinner under the gazebo of my in-laws house. I wore a pink and purple dress with a purple hat. The end.
I made my hubby wait too! My older brother got engaged right after we did and I didn’t want our weddings to collide so I waited to marry a year after they did. We had a five year engagement, which I guess is sort of long but we were not all that psyched about planning and throwing the wedding. Given our families we had to have a real shindig but we kept it relatively reasonable in size. 150 guests versus the 400 my brother had.
I am so glad this bridesmaid thing is not customary here. But if it were and I were a) close enough to the bride to be a bridesmaid and b) expected to pay for the gown myself I would totally expect her to respect my taste and my financial situation and pick something flattering and affordable. Otherwise, I’m sorry but no bridesmaid.
That’s weird about banning kids. Even if they are family members? Best friends kids? Even if ur not a kid person I find that odd. What do kids do to mess up a wedding? Dance? Cry? Require chicken fingers?
When one of my cousins got married back in the 1960s, the youngest cousin in the family was 4 or 5. He was given strict instructions on how to behave. However, this was during the era of the Batman TV show where Robin was always saying “Holy this” or “Holy that”! When the minister said the phrase “Holy matrimony”, this little guy looked up at his Dad and asked, just loud enough to carry throughout the congregation, “Holy Macaroni?” Even the bride and groom giggled at the altar.
Are you kidding me? Scream and cry during the ceremony. Touch all the food. Chuck a tantrum. Ask in a very loud voice why x is in a wheelchair, or “why is that lady so fat?” Puke on the floor.
It’s not weird at all to request that kids not attend adult functions.
My sister-in-law brought her two toddlers along to my father’s memorial and refused to leave the room with them when they started carrying on. An older relative (who had flown down from halfway across the country) had to take them outside to entertain them.
Your kids may be the centre of YOUR life, but this insistence on having them everywhere you are (and damn anyone else) is just ridiculous.
It’s not weird at all. What’s weird is expecting children to be acceptable at all events. They’re children, they don’t want to sit through an hour long service in an Orthodox Church followed by a blessing by the patriarch. Kids don’t really enjoy being forced to sit still and be quiet and adults don’t really enjoy listening to kids whine and cry and wiggle and complain when they’re forced to do so. I’m not opposed to children at all, but the bride and groom will be much happier if junior is with a sitter, happy and well cared for, instead of ruining their special day with their “cute” kiddie antics.
Not only have I worked in bridal but I’ve been a bridesmaid several times. It’s the brides day so she gets what she wants and I know that if I say yes, I’m her bitch for the day. Please note, I’ve said no to some friends because, well, I know them well enough that it was wise to sidestep the ‘honour’. 🙂
Because it’s her day I would go try to go along with whatever the bride picked out for me to wear, but I would draw the line at terribly tacky or extremely unflattering…I don’t care WHO is paying for the dress. A wedding may last just a couple of hours but those wedding photos live forever.
My bridesmaids actually wore their dresses many times after my wedding and sent me pictures as proof. The dresses were sleeveless with a bolero jacket (it was 1975!) and could be worn in any season.
As far as the bridesmaid dresses I had to wear, a few were cute but most were awful. The really bad ones I would wear to Halloween parties with either devil horns and red face make-up as the bridesmaid from Hell or with white face make-up and a halo as the dead bridesmaid – both with a bouquet of dead flowers.
Awesome Halloween idea! Love it!
I would seriously love being in a Halloween themed wedding! The bride could dress up like the bride of Frankenstein and the groom could dress up like, well…Frankenstein.
My husband & I went to a Halloween party as the corpse bride and groom a few years ago, we won best couple costume! It was fun, it would be a cool wedding theme.
I had three Bridesmaids, and I sent them out together to pick a dress that they liked. I picked my wedding colors based on their dress choice. Not only did they all love their dresses, but two of them were single and I joke that I am responsible for their subsequent marriages because one met her future husband at our wedding, and the other wore her dress to a New Years Eve party where she met HER future husband.
Okay, so I am sure their relationships had more to do with how awesome they are, than the dress they were wearing, but I still like to take credit.
Our wedding was sort of a destination wedding, since we got married at the Naval Academy chapel and neither of us was originally from Annapolis. People were traveling with kids, so we had kids at the ceremony and the reception. I barely noticed them, so I guess they were all well behaved.
Bridesmaid dresses can be nightmares, between the color, design and th added $$$ of alterations. I was a bridesmaid and we all went to the bridal shop together to agree on a color and dress only to have the bride change up last minute, no input allowed by bridesmaids. The dress she chose was hideous and not flattering on anyone, equally the nasty cheap ass bridesmaid shoes dyed to match.
For my wedding, I had two bridesmaids and chose black, which my grandmother wasn’t thrilled about, she thinks black is no no for weddings bc it’s a funeral color.. We actually went to Ann Taylor and found totally fab dresses! And they were on sale and found a coupon so under $100 and they totally were wearable in a non bridesmaid future event. Everyone has black shoes so that wasn’t an extra cost and I purchased long black opera gloves. We had red rose bouquets and it looked lovely, imho.
We actually had a destination wedding in Tuscany. I found this awesome self contained old villa and everyone stayed there together. I didn’t have to worry about drinking and driving or what time it was over and everyone was safe. It was a blast! My husband and I rented the villa for a week the first week of October so it’s considered ‘off season’ price wise but beautiful weather wise. We asked our guests for no gifts but to pay for their travel to the villa. We paid for a pre-wedding dinner and then the wedding food, drink itself. Because the villa had their own restaurant, all the food was homemade just for us and the wine (obviously) was excellent. We didn’t have a DJ, used the trusty iPod but had a violinist and accordion player for outside cocktails and appetizers on the veranda overlooking the mountains, it was bliss! We felt like we were in a movie and all part of it. The villa and Tuscany was the star of our wedding and we loved it!
And it cost much less than the standard four hour hotel reception with tasteless, cold mass produced food and overpriced drinks, if we had open bar.
Sorry for long post but love weddings!
I love your wedding story.
That sounds lovely, I love Italy.
People in the US/UK take weddings too seriously. Where I come from there are no bridesmaids, there is one maid of honor/ witness. Every guest invited to the wedding can wear whatever they want.
The most I would do, if I had to have bridesmaids , I would give them allowance to buy whatever dress they wanted. I read recently that one bride just specified the color and left the choice of the dress to each person. I think that is a nice idea too.
I am definitely missing the wedding gene. We were recently at a family event where someone announced their engagement and I did say congratulations and hug her and look at her ring… But deep down I am dreading the next year leading up to the wedding and how every family event will be just wedding talk. Also, I get offended that automatically in these situations someone looks at my SO and I and says, ‘I guess it’s your turn next’ … I don’t think weddings would bother me nearly as much if they weren’t just expected of people. My SO and I have been together for 11 years and we are very happy with our lives as they are. It bothers me that in this day and age, the biggest accomplishment a woman can hope for is apparently a wedding.
I don’t think it’s only an accomplishment for women, I know plenty of single guys that get harassed all the time for being unmarried or just single. Marriage has fallen out of fashion and most of the weddings I have been to have ended in divorce.
Yes. Unless its something to do with the fit/price or if its a modesty issue, then I too think bridesmaids should shut up and wear whatever the bride wants. It’s not your day people.
Sometimes the uniform just doesn’t work on all body types. There is no reason why anyone should subject themselves to embarrassment at the bride’s expense.
I’ve been asked to be in many wedding parties. And I’ve ever-so-politely declined every single time. Solves a ton of problems. Done and dusted.
Personally, I was not into a big wedding scenario and so there were no attendants. I went to the Courthouse, just like Carrie finally did with “Big”. Party later. Who the hell cares what anyone is wearing!
That said, I’ve been a bridesmaid several times and the dresses were always all sorts of HORRIBLE. I would never do that to someone.
Brassy hair is the closest I’ll get to bridal hives – her highlights are brasstastic. I don’t have the bride gene but the DIY hair gene. I foil my my own blonde and use wella t18 to tone the brass. Cost: 7 dollars every other month.
My friends tend to be more live in sin than marrying types thank god, there are certain things that no matter how much I love you I will NOT wear in public. I’m also pretty cheap when it comes to clothes and would be pissed at having to pay several times more than I would ever pay for a dress I liked for something hideous I would never wear again. My partner is also thankfully missing the wedding gene but if he had a change of heart and I was convinced to do it, my dress would be simple and relatively cheap and I’d ask any bridesmaids to agree on a colour they liked and have something made up in a style they liked & suited.
The only wedding peeve I’ve had to deal with is the destination wedding, it’s fine if either or both the groom and bride are living somewhere different from their families but if it’s just that they want to get married somewhere exotic then don’t expect a wedding present on top of the $1000 people have to shell out on travel and accomodation unless all your friends are rich. That’s just rude.
I had my only sister in law as matron of honor and I let her pick her own dress. She is into clothes and hair and makeup, I am not. I let her do her own thing. We had a nice wedding. I spent most of the budget on the food and drink and the cake and we had a live band. It was a fun party, not too formal but not completely casual. We married in a park, under a gazebo by a duck pond and then went into the community center right there for the reception. It was nice to have it all at one location. We had a civil ceremony with a retired federal judge (friend of the family) presiding. It was a nice day, it went by in a complete blur. My matron of honor forgot to feed me. Remember to feed the bride if you’re ever in that role, she doesn’t always get a chance to eat anything but a bite of cake.