If you’ve read Mindy Kaling’s first book, you know she has a pretty tight girl posse, mostly friends from college and from her early years in New York. She recently complained about how difficult it is to make good friends in LA, so I’m guessing that she’s hung on to those early girlfriends and they are her main squad. So, it’s unsurprising to learn that Mindy has been to her fair share of weddings and even served as a bridesmaid a few times. That’s what happens when you have close girlfriends – you end up going to a lot of weddings. When Mindy appeared on Wednesday night’s Late Night with Seth Meyers, they ended up talking about bridesmaiding and how much it sucks.
Seth sets her up – because they’re friends and they obviously did a rehearsal – by talking about how they’ve both been in a lot of wedding parties and how groomsmen have it a lot easier than bridesmaids. Mindy says:
“Yeah, I think that when you’re a bridesmaid at a wedding, although it sounds kinda glamorous when you’re younger, you’re essentially like a maid. You’re like a slave, an unpaid slave to the wedding and you’re job is to—you’re a maid and you know it because you’re wearing a dress that’s the same color of the other maids. Like, your uniform. And you’re job is to just, like, guide grandparents and talk to foreigners and meet people who look confused. Find the rings and stuff. But when you’re a groomsman, you’re technically supposed to be helpful. But, all they do is drink beer and like play with the dogs and stuff.”
Honestly, the excerpts from Mindy’s book and her interviews thus far have just made me want to read the second book even more. I would read a book devoted to Mindy’s experiences at weddings. And yes, for some ladies, bridesmaiding is like slavery. Only so many bridesmaids have to shell out a significant amount of money for the pleasure (travel to and from, hotel room, bridesmaid’s dress, shoes, etc).
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.
No it is not at all – even remotely – like slavery. You know why, Mindy? Because you can say no. If I was one of her “friends” and she had been a bridesmaid in my wedding, I would be all sorts of pissed right now.
Or, if you’re her friend, you think she’s doing a bit and she’s delightful.
+1000 I don’t really get her appeal and feel like she is always saying stupid things.
Same. But I half way agree with her on this one point.
Exactly. If she would have stuck with maid, being an unpaid maid, that would have been fine. But throwing the word slave in there was just stupid. Akin to the paparazzi taking pictures of me is like rape. Gross.
+1000
Can I just say something? I don’t live in a country where there is a particular sensitivity around the word “slave”, but I’ve grown accostumed to the idea that it is not a word you would casually use in every day conversation in English. So I’m always confused when I encounter different attitudes towards people based on the same misuse of the same words. Strange. I mean, if it’s wrong for me to say something, must be wrong for other people as well.
Anywho, Mindy bugs me.
This is a pet peeve of mine, women complaining about being bridesmaids. JUST SAY NO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO MAKE THE COMMITMENT! God forbid you do something nice for someone else. SO gross.
A lot of the time people don’t know what they are in for when they commit to being a bridesmaid. So, you may think you’re doing something “nice” for a friend or relative, until they turn into bridezilla. Or make you drain your bank account.
i had no idea what kind of financial or time commitment it would be. i thought you just stand behind someone (which in and of itself doesnt even make sense).
She was doing a comedy bit. People really need to stop looking for reasons to be outraged.
I am with C and Lisa! I had a terrible experience too, people react differently to stress and can turn really ugly, also their expectations are not realistic to the financial reality of the people in their wedding party (nor do they care). When I got married I just asked my MOH to get an outfit and that was it!
People on this site get offended at the drop of a hat! She’s being funny
Jeez. As someone who does wedding planning for a living, sometimes you can’t just say “no”. I come across many bridesmaids who were obligated to be in the bridal party. I’ve seen brides make their bridal party sign agreements. Unfortunately, there are a lot of brides (and grooms) who view their bridal party as their own personal property, who should obey and bend over backwards for them at the drop of a hat. And, as a bridesmaid, once you shell out money for your dress and bridal activities ($300 per bridesmaid for a bachelorette party!), sometimes you can’t just back out.
If my friend told me she felt like a slave in my wedding, I would re-evaluate my behavior and expectations, not shame her for it.
Yeah I don’t buy the you cant say no argument. So you don’t say no and then talk shit for years after? That’s better? And it’s the brides fault? Nice.
Bridal party agreements? Holy cow O_o
Regina –
Let’s say you sister in law is getting married. They’re a tight knit family. And you’re asked to be in the wedding party. Yes, you CAN say no. But then you’re going to have people commenting on how rude you were to do that, or how could you not be a part of her special day, at every family gathering.
Yes, you can always say no. But not every single friend is a reasonable, calm person – and let’s face it- wedding stress can make even really chill people a bit crazy. It’s one of the ‘if you say no, expect a fall out’ situations.
I think there are very few circumstances where you can say no and not cause a lot of problems or hurt someone’s feelings.
Also, this is her just chatting on a comedy show, it’s not like she wrote a NYT op ed on weddings and being a bridesmaid. I’m sure there’s exaggeration and hyperbole at work here.
@C @Regina @lucy2 – you’re all spot on–sometimes you really can’t say no. I declined when I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding once because I just couldn’t afford it while I was paying rent, all of my own bills, and my college tuition and it ruined our friendship forever. We tried to be friends for a while, but it was never the same. Even her husband, who was also a friend, seemed to hold it against me. She has 2 kids now and I’ve never met them. It’s sad. This is the kind of stuff that ends friendships.
I get it that some people don’t go for Mindy’s humor, but she’s making a joke about this topic and a lot of her humor is to be dramatic about things which is why she compared it to being a maid so I really don’t think her comments are to be taken so seriously. Some women have no qualms about asking a lot of their bridesmaids. One of my closest friends was in her friend’s wedding, which included paying $700 for a custom made 1920s-inspired dress, having to drive across country from Virginia to Las Vegas for the elaborate and expensive bachelorette party that she was forced to contribute a substantial amount of money to, and then driving to a vineyard in California where the wedding was actually held. My friend was a college student at the time paying her own way. There was also a wedding gift expected. This doesn’t include the bridal shower and engagement parties that she had to contribute money to. It was A LOT to ask of someone who was essentially broke.
It isn’t so simple as to just say “no, I won’t be in your wedding” because it is an extremely meaningful day for brides and if you say you don’t want to be a part of it, I think it is extremely common that they get their feelings hurt.
Yes you can say no but what is the fallout from saying no? It’s not that simple. When I got married, I paid for all my bridesmaid’s dresses. I don’t know when the tradition of making the people pay for the dress you picked started but come on, this is basically a courtesy in exchange for them helping you!
It’s very hard to say no. You may have mutual friends and they’ll be lost too if you refuse to be bridesmaid. I was bridesmaid twice and hated it both times. The dresses were not cheap. I had to buy appropriate matching shoes. A wedding gift was also expected so I forked out for that too. At least all these years later, I’m still friends with one of them and for that I am grateful. So for her it was worth it. The other one went weird after she got married and dropped all her friends.
@holly hobby – Exactly. I mentioned in an above post that I lost a friend over saying no to being a bridesmaid. She couldn’t get over it and neither could her husband.
I have no idea who this person is but what a stupid thing to say. No, not stupid, more like… improper. I’ve said before I come from a country where there was no slavery and I have no dog in the whole slavery fight but man, is this one weird thing to say! And what’s so tough for bridesmaids? Mine didn’t have much to do, to be honest. My maid of honour, who is my best friend, helped me most with the things I needed help with.
Agreed. Nothing is ‘like’ slavery, except actual slavery, which is still going on in EVERY country on the planet. Just because they are invisible (because its illegal), doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And their lives are harsher than buying a dress & shoes and being at the whim of a bride. Never a huge fan, even less so now. So sick of people comparing their discomfort to harsher things. Sports guys call what they do a ‘war’. Or men who call their worse pain like giving birth. Or someone calling a politician they don’t like, Hitler. No, no and NO!
It’s funny if you don’t have the bride gene…and puhleezzee she wasn’t saying you’re abused and starved and not allowed personal freedom. It was a silly joke. Please don’t make seinfeld correct about being too correct.
It’s like not like that, like at all in like, my country.
Seriously, here the couple, the family and maybe best friend does the work. Plus, the bridesmaids don’t pay for anything, if there are any because that’s not common either.
“Unpaid slave” is redundant.
I know right? I bet Mindy knows some well-paid slaves though. It makes as much sense as bridesmaid being a slave.
Right, and no pension plan either.
When she used the term “slave” I thought she was using it in the way people who write about the evils of capitalism use it (i.e. wage slavery at McDonalds). My mind didn’t go to actual 12 Years a Slave slavery.
The term “bridesmaid” does have “maid” in it, so the maid comparison doesn’t seem totally off (not saying all brides treat their bridesmaids like this, but since “maid” is in the word, maybe the role was created with an expectation of service of some kind originally). The idea of making people pay tons of money in terms of a dress and make-up in order to help you out at one’s wedding does sound kind of rude to me though.
No. “Maid” as in “maden.” And “Matron of Honor” as in “matron.”
I have been a bridesmaid more than once and wasn’t expected to do a thing other than buy or rent a dress in the chosen color, show up on time for rehearsal, and then walk down the aisle.
You are very lucky then. Mine have been helping out with and buying presents for multiple bridal showers, paying for the bachelorette party, the dress the shoes the hair the manis and pedis…
Yup me too. I’ve been a bridesmaid for a couple of very low key brides that took into account who her bridesmaids were (ie broke grad/med/law school students). Both my dresses were under $120 for each wedding, we wore our own jewelry (although I received jewelry as gifts in both weddings), shoes just had to be a certain color, makeup and hair was paid for. Bachelorette parties were arranged by us but we all did cost efficient, out of the box nights…which lead to the bridal shower brunch the next afternoon. Both brunches were paid for by the MOBs. All in all the most expensive part of my bridesmaid experiences were travel arrangements.
I guess I was lucky but I would never agree to be in a wedding party for a demanding bride. I’m not there to be at their beck and call. I do what I can for the bride but the obsession with constant activities for a wedding is baffling. My friend just got back from a week long (?!) wedding basically. Its crazy
Poor choice of terminology aside, she makes a valid point.
She does, and I hate weddings, but this was not especially funny material, compelling me to delve further into the hilarity of her book. It was kind of bland, aside from the hyperbole of the slave comment. It’s not any more enlightening/humorous than the experience of anyone who has been in a wedding and lived to tell tales. So in essence, meh.
The choice of words was unfortunate but the content couldn’t be more valid.
I guess it comes to different personalities anyway. I have no “wedding gene”. I can have fun at weddings and I truly enjoy making part of a special day in someone’s life and occasionally help with some precise task…but please don’t go on an all year talking about table cloths, church flowers and specially don’t ask me to dress something I don’t want. I think it would just be a lot easier if some women would understand and accept that not every single woman enjoys Wedding preparations and all the “circus” around it. It would be really helpful if people could just say “no” without being judged as a horrible friend (isn’t it probably for the best to not have someone doing something they don’t want in such a special day?). And I hate when people say that you have to do everything a bride wants just because it’s her day…nah ah, it isn’t, the bride and groom are the focus of the party and that should be respected, but they also decided to invite those people, and they should therefore be good hosts and take the comfort of their guests into consideration.
she does. i’ve lost friends because i wouldnt be in their wedding. but im never going down that rabbit hole again.
if you like someone that much, you treat them like a guest not staff.
Slavery is obviously stretching it, but ugh I cringe at being a bridesmaid. All the matching outfits, the hairspray, the fussy jewellery. I hate weddings. AND I do tell my friends (who are the brides) of my disdain, and they’ll laugh an evil laugh and go, “Shut up LOLLLL you’re totally doing this!” while I mutter a curse that they’ll choke on their wedding cake.
😉
Me and My Gfs have a Pact of Love with One another; “Don’t worry guys, I won’t ask you to be my bridesmaid”
As For Mindy I’m gonna double down on what I keep saying about Her: NO
You’re a good friend, no snark.
QQ,
I am right there with you. NO as far as Mindy is concerned.
@QQ
Your pact of love is a brilliant idea.
*starts making list of frenemies whom I’ll call up for bridesmaid duty*
I think it would be cool to have robot bridesmaids. botsmaids.
I say NO bridesmaids or Little kids, But if you must inflict that on anyone- Make family do it and then they don’t have to get presents Voila
@Kiddo
Right? If you can also invent robot wedding guests and an app which I can download to give me instant skills on how to appropriately coo and ah over a newborn baby instead of “no thanks I don’t want to carry him”, I’ll be eternally grateful.
I knew you were good people. This just cinches it.
lesson learned today: being a slave is bad, being an unpaid slave is even worse.
(someone tell her that comparison is terrible)
Oddly enough, there were versions of slavery where the slave had some time off to do paid activities, and could thus earn a wage. This is how people sometimes earned enough money to buy themselves back.
Yeah, I’ll be over here in the freak corner, with the other technically correct people….
That’s actually pretty fascinating, thanks for posting.
I’ve always found it odd that many people are aware that some slaves bought their own freedom but are unaware that some earned some form of wage. How do they think they bought anything?
Slavery across the world, and in the antebellum years was varied. There were white slaves (not indentured servitude but slavery). There were paid slaves. Slavery simply means someone owns you, it doesn’t negate payment. I suspect the harshest form of slavery is the one most spoken about because the others invite too much comparison to today’s wage slavery.
On earth right now there are more slaves than were transported during the entire Atlantic slave trade years. Slaves don’t all work on plantations with overseers and they never all did.
Yes,
It’s almost like being at a concentration camp. #Sarcasm. Neither comparison is appropriate. I am with the posters above who are not fans.
Hmm, unlike Mindy, I don’t have a LOT of weddings to attend, but the ones I have seen were not at all like that. I’m actually a photographer, so I spend the entire day with the wedding party, unlike most other guests, and it’s fun, and they are there to support their friend, and there is no weird division of labor or anything like that at all.
I refuse to ever be a bridesmaid again. I’ve spent thousands of dollars and it seems these days brides are passing more of the bill onto the bridesmaids than before. Case in point: first wedding I was a bridesmaid was in 2006. The bride paid for our hair/makeup/dress/hotel room the night before the wedding since we were all from out of town. My most recent bridesmaid experience was last summer for my husband’s friend’s wife (I had met her twice before this…), where nothing…not even the $115 hair style (taking a curling iron to the ends of my hair…nothing else) was covered and I ended up paying $1200 for the weekend after the bride selected a $455 green dress for us to wear that required alterations for everyone involved…I think its quite honestly getting out of hand as an excuse to be selfish/demanding as a bride.
Being a wedding guest >>>> being a wedding party participant.
Yikes! You met her twice and were asked to be a bridesmaid?
I’ve always had to pay everything myself too (thankfully with less expensive dresses) until the last one, where the bride’s mother did pay for my hair/makeup. It was an out of town one that still cost me quite a bit. And after that though the mother was useless and actually caused problems right up until the ceremony.
‘Slavery’ makes me wince, (I can almost excuse it as hyperbole for comic effect) but there is an obligation to be servicey as a bridesmaid, and brides DGAF about anyone but themselves on their day (as it should be, I think) so you’re stuck with all the crap and what you do isn’t really noticed. I mean, it’s a blast, but there’s also tasks like “going to solicit the crowd for an emergency seamstress because bridesmaid no 2’s dress is falling apart,” “wrangling a chair from the winery owners for bridesmaid 3 who has mobility problems during the photoshoot because no one thought of that,” “getting ice for a bridesmaid who fell and hurt themselves” “suffering through four hours of photos with only freezies for lunch because the bride did not plan ahead and one of the other bridesmaids is diabetic, awesome,” and my personal favourite, “being asked to pick up starbucks drinks and food for everyone and handing the bride the bill, only to have her say, “I’m not paying for that.” Weddings are awesome, I love being a bridesmaid, but it’s a big event, people need to pick up the slack, and often that person is you.
i dont understand why people even need or have bridesmaids, my theory is to make the bride look better because they are almost always dressed so badly.
but being a bridesmaid is an awful thing to do to people you allegedly like. and awful expensive thing.
I don’t want to judge anyone, but I’m with you. I had 1 bridesmaid, she was from out of town, so she stayed with us, ate with us, wore a dress she already had (she picked it, too, I didn’t tell her what color it had to be or anything), and all she really had to do was show up. The only thing she paid was gas money for a drive (3 hours, not too bad).
I never had bridesmaids and my husband never had groomsmen, it was fantastic. What did I need them for? No reason at all, my friends were already coming to the wedding.
She talks like a Kardashian.
I hear that nasal, quasi-valley-girl intonation and my ears have already left the building.
Plus: I didn’t find this bit funny at all; more like a cringe-inducing 3 minutes of open mike night at a strip mall comedy club.
Gurrllllllllllllllllllllll that make up is a No No
Well, she’s just being funny, right? No need to get upset.
I’ve been the maid of honor at my bff’s wedding and she was super chill. My main task was to be there, smile, tell her to hold it together before, and party after. I think brides sometimes lose sight of what they’re putting others through because while the wedding day was pretty cool, the bachelorette party was a massive task to organize and I spent a (for my budget) pretty large amount. She just didn’t see it and I decided to suck it up. She would absolutely do the same. But I feel like this bridezilla thing is more of an American phenomenon maybe?
yeah, I’ve never encountered the custom of ugly bridesmaid dresses+ making your friends/bridesmaids pay for the whole caboodle, outside of the US/Canada.
if I ever had bridesmaids, and tried to make them wear ugly dresses, my mother would kill me for ruining the wedding pictures with fug. My friends are gorgeous and I want them to look it, I will not be some insecure bitch who deliberately doses them with fug just so I look prettier ‘in comparison’ (I know perfectly well I’m not, but I own it).
Dear Mindy, please stop talking.
If your friends make you into an unpaid servant in the name of friendship for the sake of their day then you need new friends. I’ve been a BM a couple times and I’m not friends with any of the brides today because of their behavior before the of day. If I’m ever in a wedding again it will only be for my siblings.
Seconded. After being completely neglected during my wedding (no parties, showers, gifts etc) I went on to Bridesmaid three weddings of my wedding party. I am no longer friends with any of them. Horrible selfish people.
Still friends with the one that DIDN’T ask me to be in her wedding.
You had a wedding and got married didn’t you? Nobody owed you anything else. Honestly, you get a day! Complaining that nobody showered you with parties and events doesn’t make you look any better than the other brides.
Was that supposed to be original or clever? Movies have been using the bridesmaiding is hell idea since somebody figured out how to make pictures move.
Yea, what she was talking about didn’t seem especially original or observational. I wasn’t offended by anything she said, but some of her jokes don’t have much insight.
I don’t understand this joke at all. I’ve been a bridesmaid six times and NEVER felt like a slave/maid. I felt like a friend, helping a friend enjoy a beautiful day. Every “task” I undertook was fun: addressing envelopes while drinking wine, arranging bridal showers that involved lots of wine, writing a speech while drinking wine… It’s all good. And I don’t think I’m tooting my own horn when I say that my bridesmaids didn’t feel like slaves either. I bought their dresses and paid for their manicures, and bought them beautiful gifts too. They threw me a couple of kick-ass parties. It was awesome.
Mindy must have some weird friends.
Jezebel has tons of horror stories about bridezillas who treat their bridesmaids poorly and some here have posted the same. So while it’s great your friends were fine, that is not everyone’s experience.
Besides this was clearly a bit on a talk show so I don’t get why some are so defensive about her comments.
I’ve also been lucky – the only weddings I attended were for guy friends (no bridal party involvement so no bridezilla stories) and for girlfriends whose culture doesn’t do the bridesmaid/wedding party thing at weddings….I was some approximation of a bridesmaid I guess (served tea at the pre-wedding ceremonies, took care of the bride’s cosmetic touchups at her parties, a little ushering here and there) but I was NEVER made to feel like a servant. Of course, none of my friends had the princess complex since weddings here are simply not designed or promoted that way, usually. Oh, and they paid for accommodation too.
But I do realise that for a lot of people, it’s expensive, nerve-racking hell. Bridezillas exist, and they can make lives miserable.
I’m still a college student, who doesn’t have tons of money. I was asked to be in my best friends wedding last summer, and I think it cost me close to $600 between the dress, shoes, hair, nails, etc. Now this summer, that friend is getting a divorce. The whole experience made me never want to be a bridesmaid again.
I don’t wonder any longer why her book is named: Is Everyone Hanging Without Me?
I made a mental note not to invite her to my second wedding. And to the third either.
She is telling a….wait for it……joke!
Might help if it was funny.
Humor is subjective
I’ve never been a bridesmaid. I have been married twice though. So I’m reversing the old saying to “always a bride..”
I sometimes feel crappy that I have never been a bridesmaid but maybe I’m not missing much.
Are you really comparing dressing up and going to a party to… slavery? UGH. Mindy you’re disgusting.
The pearl clutching is a bit Much. Is it in the best taste no, of course not but lord it hardly makes her disgusting.
I swear people look to get offended. There are real issues and problems this is not something to get upset about. Spend your time and energy on what happened in South Carolina not an actresses poor choice of words.
The best weddings I’ve ever been a part of have not been those ‘princess for a day’ affairs; rather, they have celebrated the idea of two people being welcomed into a community as a couple.
When you take the emphasis off temporary royalty status and instead allow everyone to feel an important part of publicly acknowledging these two people’s changing lives and identities, I think you sort of defacto eliminate bridezillas, nightmare bridesmaids duties, etc.
yup. agreed. My best friend just got married and she hates that whole princess for a day thing. She was laid back and low key. The entire wedding weekend was one big celebration where the bridesmaids went out and hung out together for most of the weekend. We would hang out with the groomsmen in the hotel after our wedding duties were over each night. Its was just a fun affair where I got to hang out with my best friend for a weekend, meet her other friends and have a big party celebrating the couple tying the knot. I’ve said she’s actually ruined me for other people because if my next experience isn’t this low key I’m not going to be happy.
I want to like her and I read her OK book, but she does make it hard.
where’s the backlash?
JLaw used “rape scream” and people were SO upset.
Mindy likens being a BRIDESMAID to slavery and people are like “yeah, I’ll read her book?”
are you kidding? you must be kidding. what a terrible analogy! NOTHING is “like” slavery except actually, you know, being torn from your country and sold into slavery.
shame on her.
Yeah, I cannot believe she’s getting a pass on this. Imagine if someone like, let’s say Gooo, said this. Can you imagine?!?!!
I like Mindy, but this was a terrible mistake on her part.
reminds me in the interview where Lupita said walking the red carpet feels like being in a “war zone”.
The favourites get away with everything while other get ripped apart
People do turn monster tho’.
My bride to be sister arranged a whole day of boutique and department store hopping so she could try on dresses. I met her first thing and some of her girlfriends met us later.
I realised quickly that she had no intention of buying any of the dresses, she just wanted to go to a lot of places, try things on, do a twirl, and I was to say “you look beautiful” and smile.
If I said or did anything else like express a preference for one or the other she would glare at me. After we met the others, we carried on from one place to another, and started running late.
We were grimly pelting along and at one point her best friend asked if she could just grab a can of Coke from a shop as we passed, to drink on the run. Felt a bit faint.
My sister turned to her and said “no, we don’t have time”.
It was all like that. Her day, her rules, and if you get it wrong, good Lord the fury. Because you were ruining it, do you see? Ruining everything if she wasn’t the golden Queen of the day.
I sound bitter here, huh.
I guess my point is- if someone treated a servant like that they would be critiqued like crazy. But as a member of the wedding party you are supposed to give up your opinions, desires-
always put the Bride first.
So it has things in common with slavery, kind of.
It was a joke, I’m not going to be offended over the choice of words. I’m saving it for Fox news, anyways. I’m getting married in September and this is exactly why I don’t have bridesmaids. I don’t want to have to choose a maid of honor, I just want my loved ones to show up and have a good time. I’m a little sad everyone is in a different phase of their lives, we’re not even in the same city so I’m trying not worry about everyone making it.
I knew people would bite her head off for the word slave. I admit to using it casually too. I can’t be PC 24/7, there’s too much to remember nowadays.
No, what caught my eye was “unpaid” slave LOL
So, I told all of my friends in a mass text when I started noticing engagements on the rise in my social group and said: “I absolutely do not want to be in your wedding and I do not want to be a maid of honor!” “If you choose to include me please note I am not spending a bunch of money and I will not do anything!!!”. They all said “we already knew”! ha. It’s just way too much and at 26, and having just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years (finally) and being the only one of my friends to be single, I really have a whole new perspective on the whole wedding thing. if I ever take the plunge, I’d wanna have a fun destination summer wedding, invite 6 of his friends, 6 of mine, get married and just have our wedding and honeymoon at the same time with our friends! I think that sounds epic. I mean if he agrees… it’s not all about (pssst… yeah right) Lol
But, to get PC, I don’t like people comparing something like being a bridesmaid to being a slave. I know I know, I’m being finicky, but it’s not cool. Slavery is not a joke and in some countries still on some levels happening… let’s just use another word or term and compare things we don’t find appealing or that take up a lot of time and work to something else…
She is not funny.
It does take a lot of time and commitment. My personal feelings are (if you are planning a big wedding and have the resources) consider factoring in the bridesmaids necessities into the budget. My friends went big to make sure that my day was perfect. 🙂 I was aware that travel, the parties, and their various gifts to me were a hit on their finances. Considering this, I made sure that I paid for their dresses, accessories, hair, and some pampering. They did everything for me, so why not give back to them? However, being a bridesmaid is not slavery (lol). Maybe I got lucky, but I loved being a bridesmaid more than being a bride. It was super fun.
As far as experiences in being a bridesmaid, some people appear to use too much inductive reasoning i.e. ” well I was a bridesmaid once and it was awesome and I loved it and she must have awful friends compared to my personal, singular experience.” *eyeroll*
Very narrow-minded.
Regarding her use of the word “slave” on a late night show during a casual bit, I feel that some people are being a bit too sensitive but everyone is entitled to their own level of offended-ness. I save my battles for better context.
+1000!
slaves were not paid, Mindy.
Maybe indentured labourer would have been a better choice. You’re indentured for a period of time, you buy your freedom via the dress and the bachelorette.
Well talking about experiences here i have been in some weddings and even though we don’t have the bridesmaid concept here we sure as hell have the duties a friend must do.
My best friend got married in a hot summer day. She had NOBODY to help her. Her only sister had just given birth and couldn’t help her sooooo i had to do the waiting of the guests, serving the drinks from morning to midnight for 5 days while she had to stay put and be beautiful (our traditions are like that). In fact when i use to get home my dress was soaked with sweat. My parents asked me if it was worth it. I was 24 and for me it was as she was my best friend from the age of 6. But yeah she was a bridezilla of sorts and i hated her…some. she didn’t pay anything for me as she didn’t have to. I lived near her, no dress required and i was invited at her wedding night and makeup for me was….lipstick. I could get away with that at that age.
Then it was my sisters wedding 3 years ago. She lives in another country so she paid for the air tickets, hotel, food, for 6 of us (family not bridesmaids). So we decided to have new clothes as a family and i decided with a friend to have identical dresses for fun. My sister was surprised and she was bragging to her husband family about that. Also she had all arranged so we just went there and had fun even though she was in a super bad mood so we were careful not to bother her. (a small affair turned for her in a BIG wedding due to her mother in law request= paid by my sister and her future husband of course).
But i have told my friends that IF they want me there they have to tell me exactly what i have to do and wear A YEAR BEFORE so i can make arrangements. I am lazy and sure as hell i have no patience for b….i.
As for the slave word…i have heard stories worse. PC is good but let’s not be super sensitive here. Some people have felt used that way. I have seen friendships get destroyed and girls cry because of their role in their friends weddings.
I’m still recovering from being a bridesmaid a couple years ago for a friend. I knew it might be a bit of a financial disaster for me but she was my best friend, I felt honored to be asked and obligated because I would want her in my wedding if the situation were reversed. No didn’t cross my mind. She was so horrible during the planning and in the days preceding the ceremony that I was counting down in my head, ‘I just have to finish this commitment I made to her and then I can end this friendship.’ That’s how terrible being a bridesmaid for her was and made me really think about how, if I get married, how I would behave.
Me thinks the women that are sticking up for the bride are former bridezillas themselves or soon-to-be at least. Trust me, you CAN say no, but you’re not supposed to want to; you’re supposed to want to be there for your friend’s day. And If you were so horrible during your wedding that your bridemaids complain about it for years afterward, examine your own behavior, not stick up your nose as if they should have been lucky to have been ground under your toe for year while you made your wedding increasingly expensive and intolerable.
Have all the people outraged that she said slavery really honestly never said “I’m starving” when they’re merely hungry? Never said “my back/feet are killing me” when they’re just hurting? It’s called hyperbole and we ALL do it.
@Neonscream – Excellent point. I think the backlash here is pretty ridiculous. Do we really believe that Mindy is such a cruel and insensitive person that she is making actual jokes about slavery? I noticed people keep slamming her for saying, “unpaid slave” but I think that only goes to show it wasn’t an actual joke about slavery. She used a figure of speech. People love a reason to get upset and offended.
All slaves are unpaid, Mindy. That’s why they’re called slaves.
I get what she’s saying and I see the humor in it, but really – if you’re asked to be a bridesmaid and you really feel like it’s drudgery or an inconvenience, have the decency to decline. It’s not about you, the hideous dress you have to wear, the time you have to spend standing on your feet and plastering a fake smile on your face. It’s about the bride. And her day. If you don’t want to be there, don’t.
Bad bridesmaid experiences aren’t about that though. Like it IS a lot of money and the dresses ARE ugly and it’s a TON of time-but all that is worth it if you get to help your friend on her day. But none of that is worth it if the bride misbehaves. I have a friends and relatives that have been bridesmaids over and over because they love their friends, but if the bride is horrible acting, then all the work you put in is NOT worth it. You can say no but you’re not supposed to. If someone ever hears their bridesmaids bitching about the whole thing after the fact behind your back, chances are it wasn’t the money or the dress and stuff that’s the problem, the problem was probably that the bride acted like a major cunt the whole time and made the party seriously question their friendship.
Mindy. Crop top? Just no.
first world problems.
her turqouise/ cyan shoes are everything, though.