This week’s National Enquirer has a pretty funny story that seems ripped from the comment section here at CB. The gist is that George Clooney’s Grand Amal Experiment has gone sideways, and he wasn’t expecting the whole “America’s Last Bachelor Finally Marries His Equal” to blow up in his face quite so spectacularly. Which is what we’ve been saying all along? Especially in the wake of the epic box office failure of Tomorrowland, Team Clooney is almost definitely trying to figure out where their strategy went wrong. Some highlights from the Enquirer’s story:

His latest movie ‘Tomorrowland’ is a disaster, his political dreams are fading and now George Clooney is blaming wife Amal!

“George has had enough,” dished a source. “The Amal Experiment has backfired badly and he’s looking for a way out. George thought that Amal would help him fulfuill his dream of running for office and, maybe one day, becoming president.”

Instead, Amal’s morphed into a red carpet darling, and George feels her connections have thrown cold water on his political ambitions.

“It’s a nightmare for George,” said one source. “Suddenly, he isn’t getting calls from DC movers and shakers and believes Amal’s to blame. Instead of being like Bill and Hillary Clinton, they’ve become like Kim and Kanye!”

Even worse, George feels that Amal’s also ruined his Hollywood A-list status.

“He thinks she’s damaged his box office appeal… he actually believes she’s made him a laughingstock among his peers!”

Some Hollywood insiders have quipped the couple should do a reality show, “Keeping Up with the Alamuddins.”

Desperate to regain his star status, George will take his wife back to England when renovations at their new home are completed. “George is going to have a house-warming party, and carry Amal over the threshold. Then he’s going to leave Amal on her own in that big old mansion, while he hightails it back to America to rebuild his image!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

My take: while it does feel like the Enquirer is rather gleefully (and hilariously) taking down the Alamooney marriage, they’re not entirely wrong. I think George really believed this whole marriage thing was going to play out differently. He believed that everyone would buy the image of Amal that his press people forced on media outlets like People Magazine. He believed that Amal was going to be seen as this shining beacon of political legitimacy. Instead, many people are like, “Wow, she’s really spending a lot of money on clothes” and “she sure loves to pose for the paparazzi.” After getting out of his comfort his zone of wrestlers, waitresses and Vegas party girls, George wasn’t expecting his lawyer wife to be just the same kind of thirsty, wannabe fashionista as his previous girlfriends.

Now, all that being said… George could easily rework the strategy by doing one simple thing: knocking up Amal. There’s nothing better for an image makeover than a baby.

Photos courtesy of WENN.