Star Magazine has a totally silly and utterly readable story in this week’s issue. The story is “Royal Bodyguards Tell All” about the Windsors. Some of the stuff is so obviously made up, but then again… you never know. If the Daily Mail told me Duchess Kate was doing stripper pole exercises, I’d probably believe it. Here are some assorted stories about the royals from their alleged “bodyguards.”
Duchess Kate took pole dancing classes. Her former bodyguard says: “She agreed to have lessons as a bit of a laugh. She was so nervous about being seen or recognized, she used to wear a scarf around her head as a disguise. But she loved it! She tells everyone it was great exercise. She told me that a woman should always have secret talents up her sleeve!”
William and Kate built a karaoke room. At Anmer Hall, obviously. They built is especially for karaoke and “the floor lights up as you step on it and there’s a huge plasma TV screen on one wall… it’s state of the art. When they want to relax and forget their royal obligations, they disappear into their own nightclub.”
Prince George is obsessed with Frozen. “He can sing the whole ‘Let It Go’ song and doesn’t even know half the words.”
Pippa Middleton is thirsty. “She wants her sister’s fame, that’s for sure. I heard she’s desperate to be on Dancing with the Stars but the palace asked her to back off. They felt it would sully the image of her sister… well, I tell you she did not care! She supposedly contacted Derek Hough somehow and he’s a big fan of the idea. Kate thinks it’s all quite funny, but if some of Pippa’s more respectable pursuits don’t pan out, she will dance!”
Camilla is smug. A former bodyguard says the Duchess of Cornwall “likes making jokes about how she got everything she ever wanted simply by being patient and letting the universe bring her and Charles together. She can get a little smug. She openly mocks some of Diana’s clothes in the old photos, and Charles doesn’t stop her. William and Harry would be deeply offended if they knew about it.”
William does secret charity work. Apparently, William “loves helping people but he doesn’t like the attention” so he wears a wig and glasses and secretly serves soup to the homeless.
Harry has secret tattoos. The former bodyguard says the Palace has a strict “no tattoos” policy but Harry has gotten “some.” His secret? They’re temporary. “His favorite is a black rhino… he’ll wear that at the top of his arse! If he’s going out with his military mates, he’ll also sport his birgade emblem from Afganistan.”
The Queen secretly loves McDonalds. She loves to go to McDonald’s in the middle of the night so she can get a Big Mac, a strawberry shake and an apple pie. She eats it in the car, as the guards drive her around for 20 minutes.
Prince Andrew wears lingerie. Allegedly! Allegedly he gets lots of packages delivered from lingerie stores.
Princess Anne loves to wear pantsuits at home. She hates wearing dresses out in public, so she unwinds by “wearing very sharp three-piece suits, complete with a flash trilby hat too. She looks amazing. Really fancy.”
Prince Edward gives his wife manicures. “The first time I walked in on him doing her nails, it was quite the shock. But he really is quite the pro! His specialty is French tips.”
Princess Eugenie secretly visits lesbian bars. She’s not hooking up with lesbians at the bar, she just likes the atmosphere, apparently.
Prince Philip is obsessed with aliens. Obviously. He apparently has a collection of books about UFOs. “The Queen was positively against” his UFO library, but she didn’t stop him. Oh, and he loves Barry Manilow too.
[From Star Magazine, print edition]
All in all, the weirdest and most random assortment of gossip, right? I only really believe the Princess Anne story, the story about Will & Kate’s karaoke room (it sounds like something they would waste money on), and the story about Pippa being so thirsty.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Bwahahahahahahah its like they said ok I am going to mention a name and you say the most ridiculous thing that comes to mind. This piece is a hoot!!! But the truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction, but I am sure the Queen can get Mcds delivered and Kate can have private lessons.smh
This is the best thing I have ever read!
The Queen secretly loves McDonald’s and goes there in the middle of the night for a Big Mac, strawberry shake and apple pie!!! Oh I can picture it in my mind and it’s glorious!!
” We will take off our jewels and wear big sunglasses – we will never be recognized. Take the bag, smile, roll up the window – oh, shoot! We did the little sideways wave.”
…in our Rolls!
When did Star Magazine begin to play mad libs?
That’s funny!
They’ve been using this method to build stories for years.
Star tries. Bless them they try.
Haha! That’s what this BS sounds like. It was pretty funny, though.
LMAO! This is trashy gossip at its finest.
It all sounds made up! However, ABC is currently casting for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars, so we’ll find out shortly if the gossip about Pippa is true or not.
Even if she doesn’t make this year’s cut, I don’t think that means it’ll stop her desire to be on it some day, if she actually does have that desire.
LOL – thats the funniest think i’ve read all week. The only one kinda believe is the thirsty Pippa one – its as obvious as the nose on our faces. I can see George loving Frozen – all kids and most adults do.
ALL KIDS LOVE FROZEN……there is some kind of subliminal brain washing going on in Let It Go..even my husband who probably looks scary to kids will walk around singing Let It Go.
My 21 year old daughter LOVES it too and is now insisting that we download it and watch it together because I’ve never seen it. “Do you wanna build a snowman?!” Lalalalala!
I love the songs. Catchy! The movie though? Full of holes even an 8 year old in the theatre was calling out. I know she was 8 from chatting with the parents after. Like how the ability the sister had to give life to snow… why was this not shocking to anyone? Of sent a snow monster to possibly kill her sister? I could go on, but won’t
Terrible story. Great songs.
mwahaha didn’t it come out the year he was born?
That’s some cultural impact, if a kid too young to even sit up on his own at the time of the movie’s release is now a toddler who actually sings along to the song.
(I can’t fault his taste since I share it. It’s a great song!)
Aah, I’m feeling wistful now. George’s singing has brought back happy memories from when my kids were young and innocent. My twins (now YA) watched Pee Wee Herman, Disney, Land Before Time Series and Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas movies over and over and over. Most of the films were made before they were born. As toddlers, they learned the chest bump from 2 cartoon ghouls and would sing along to Disney theme song cassette tapes in the car–“Robin Hood and Little John walking in the forest…”–I loved that song.
Olenna
I’ve reliving childhood in your comment. And have you seen that adorable Robin/little john song used in a youtube commercial. Commercial on youtube? Might be android. All baby animals!
Yes, Florc, I’ve seen the commercial, too! I was in the kitchen when I first heard it and I stopped what I was doing and started singing right along. It was nice surprise and we can probably thank a Gen Y advertising genius for that!
I don’t believe most of these, but they were good for a chuckle while I waste time in my nearly empty office building waiting for the weekend to start (seriously, I think all of my colleagues took the day off). I refuse to accept that Harry is cheesy enough to wear fake tattoos or that the Cambridges are tacky enough to karaoke. (The latter would just be yet another in a long line of disappointments, though. I used to be a great Kate Middleton defender, but then she and William have gotten so weird, and their “demands for privacy” started looking more and more like “contempt for the British public,” so I’m done.)
We’re in the same boat, Kate, which is why I’m whiling away my morning on CB! We differ in one area. I’m having a lovely time imagining Harry’s temporary tattoos. So far my favorite is the Cat in the Hat close to a, ahem, quite personal area. 😉
Yeah, this was pure amusement, got a good laugh though imagining some of these being true…
Can I borrow Prince Edward? My nails look dreadful. I desperately need a mani. 😆
No kidding! I could use a pedicure too 🙂
I was hoping for royal dish today, and Kaiser, you certainly didn’t disappoint. This is awesome cheesy gossip that probably doesn’t have a whiff of truth behind it (except for thirsty Pippa, because I think that’s obvious). I love the thought of the queen at Mickey D’s!
This sounds like the cover of The Enquirer. All fake, I’m sure, but still good for a laugh. A disguise to serve soup to the homeless? Not a chance.
More like the Globe! It actually all sounds like episodes of the TV show The Royals that Liz Hurley stars in, lol! Maybe Star magazine checked IMDB to get this week’s story.
I believe the “Camilla is smug” bit. She openly criticized and made fun of Diana before her death and it continues. Camilla’s marriage with Charles is sham and shouldn’t have been permitted. But it went through anyway and watch now, Camilla will be Queen not because the people want it, but because only Charles wants it.
I hope she will never be Queen.
She seems crass, like a dirty old barmaid or something.
Yes!! Accurate sentiment.
Whatever they call her publicly, legally she’ll be queen consort. She’s technically Princess of Wales now but she goes by Duchess of Cornwall instead.
All of this is bs. Would parts of it be great if true? Yes! It’s not though. It is Star after all. People who don’t like Camilla were going to latch on to it as any justification. People who don’t like Eugenie are going to latch onto this. The day people believe anything from Star is the day someone buys that bridge i’m selling.
Nota
Agree.
You’ve got a bridge, FLORC? Where? 🙂
By the way, if FMORC looks like Charlie Hunnam, I’m coming over and hope you’ll let me spin dimes on his butt. If not, I’ll just sit in the corner and stare.
Bluhare
Lol!
I’m walking a thin line of TMI on this…, but yea you’re welcome to the dime spinning. How’d you know? Ever since SOA I hate the comparison. And I hate it when FMORC grows his hair long enough to put in a ponytail. The bodies though… I don’t hate the similarities 😀
And the bridge… It’s in the middle of some woods connecting nothing to nothing, but get in now! It’s a great investment 😉
LOL on the bridge. And quit giving me very entertaining mental photos of FMORC!! Does he have a kilt, sword and a horse? (Say yes!)
Lol Bluhare!
I’m in stitches!
Blue eyes blonde hair *with a sword he wears on his kilt while riding his horse.
Personally I think FMORC’s face is far more attractive than Charlies.
Maybe… Just maybe…. I’ll give you clues to my line chat and send you a (clothed) photo.
(*not true, sorry!)
To add… Bluhare you’ve paid attention to my comments regarding FMORC ever since the Zac Efron bedroomswing possibility to lead to a broken jaw.
Sometimes Kate puts on a fake mustache and glasses and comments here! (She is pro Taylor and thinks Blake cheated first!)
Haha!
But what really want to know is Kate #teambrandi or #teamleann
Who doesn’t love Barry Manilow. Give me something GOOD.
Ahem
@Bluhare. *gasps* *cluthes pearls* FOR SHAME. FOR SHAME.
There are times I could cheerfully strangle Barry Manilow. My mother likes him.
I love him! I’m a sucker.
I believe the Camilla one. She totally just outwaited Diana and got what she wanted.
+1
What, Kaiser? You don’t believe William is sneaking around London in a wig and glasses giving soup to the homeless? Why, what is so unbelievable about that? (sarcasm)
That’s something that got me. Let the humor of it slide away. William putting on a wig? I can’t imagine that happening. Is that something he’s relly sensetive about?
If they have final approval over the photos they’re releasing, and those photos photoshop him with more hair, then I’d say yes.
Nota
Remember the coins released for the wedding? Kate looked wonky and William had a full head of hair? Maybe so.
I’ve tried to come up with reasons why each item can’t be true as I read them, but I think most of them have a possibility of being true.
Kate took pole dancing classes. Yup. Check. Imo, she’s an exhibitionist. We know of her Marilyn moments. We know she should to dress skimpily before she was married. We’ve seen her in skimpy bikinis, even when pregnant, when paps were around. I think she was looking towards the french photographer during her prancing around nude on that balcony. About trying to disguise herself in a scarf? Sounds like what a simple-minded person would do in thinking that standing out by wearing a scarf is a good disguise.
W&K built a karaoke room. Check. Might be Kate and Carole’s way of bringing part of the pub life to AH, so that he doesn’t spend too much time away at the pubs possibly hitting on other girls.
George likes Frozen. Ok.
Pippa is thirsty and would love to be on DWTS. Check.
Camilla is smug and makes deprecating remarks about Diana. Check. She did that while Diana was alive too, so why would she stop now that Diana’s dead? And I totally believe that all she had to do was out-wait Diana’s presence in the marriage along with putting herself in Charles’ life during the marriage too. She gave him the CC bracelet right before the wedding. She hosted his parties during the marriage. Like Diana said, there were three people in that marriage.
William does secret charity work in a wig. Uh… Er… I know his mom used to take her sons to charity org.s in secret. Is this a PR story trying to ride the coattails of his mom’s legacy? Wig? Really? I don’t know about this, but again, a simple-minded person’s idea that a scarf of wig would hide the face.
Harry has temporary tattoos. Ok.
The Queen likes fast food: burgers, shakes, and apple pie. Ok. Why not? Her taste buds are no different from everybody else’s.
Prince Andrew wears lingerie. I think he’s kinky. There’s news stories about him being kinky. I don’t know about the lingerie though. But then maybe he uses them with his male guests or his underage female guests. Who knows?
Princess Anne wears pantsuits at home. Ok. Why not?
Prince Edward gives manicures. Uh. I don’t know. But no biggie.
Princess Eugenie visits lesbian bars. She’s in NYC. Why shouldn’t she go to various interesting NYC bars?
Prince Philip is a UFOer. I don’t know. I don’t know about his loving Barry Manilow songs either. He seems to me like he’d like something harder and harsher.
Anne
All these things stem from old rumors.
I think the Philip story is about that village/tribe that believed him to be a prince from space and their ruler. He totally played into it too. There’s video on youtube I think of his visit.
P Eug had those rumors and while in NYC I’ve certainly stumbled into the wrong bar…. That scaffolding! It’s a confusing maze!
The rest seems like someone above said. Mad libs.
@ FLORC
I don’t think some of them are too hard to believe.
The easier ones to believe: Pippa is thirsty. (She tried to get on US TV with NBC. So why not with another show?) Anne in pantsuits. George likes Frozen. Camilla is a bitch towards Diana. Harry with fake tattoos for the occasion.
Maybe in the Karaoke room, Carole can serve her cheese on toast dish along with ale while William’s singing and Kate is doing private dances for him? LOL….
Anne
That’s kind of the point I’ve made about Star before. They’re late to the party in that way. They take info that is true or somewhat true. And twist it enough or recycle it enough to be about as quality as a blind item.
All of these things could be likely, but you’d have to ignore some current facts.
Like Kate hiding all of her hair in a scarf? I don’t believe it 😛
@ FLORC
I wouldn’t have a hard time believing that she thinks that covering up her hair is the same thing as hiding her identity. I think she considers her usual hair style as an integral part of how she is recognized.
Some of those are hilarious. The Queen being driven around in the middle of the night while she wolfs her Big Mac and apple pie in secret is amusing. Eugenie “just likes the atmosphere” of the lesbian bars? LOL. Okay.
Maybe Prince Philip takes her through the drive through in his black cab (which he really does own, that isn’t made up).
The Queen should have a limo party, frosties and Big Macs while night-cruising around London with her besties.
“William does secret charity work”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
No. He doesn’t.
He doesn’t really do public charity work either.
😀
That’s the only one I think is 100% bunk, too.
ImaginaryPrinceH: — do not hang up, I am so chuffed to hear your voice again, now that you are in safety – do tell me more about your life with my stuffed old brother! It may help you to talk about it? I am here to listen, so that we may make you feel ready to face him and the Firm and the world again, but with me, to help our nation! Even though you are so strong, and possibly Swedish, albeit Spanish or eastern European, and a student/nanny/doctor, talk to me as my primary peppermint squeeze, my own darling! We can get through this, even this open talk from the Palace bodyguards and staff!
ImaginaryCressida2: You are of being too so kind, kind saintly man of the ginger loins! What is to say? Now that the bad staff peoples of bad palace try to talk of me,
What I care? Yes, your brother the Mister Baldtop is to be making me take a pole-dancing classes, I ashamed, I wear my cherished angel grandmama’s headscarf, my holy babushka with the flowers on it, and holy medal of Saint Ursula sewed to it inside, which is being my most precious thing I own myselfs, I tie it over my head, to do this dance for Mister Sir, and his fat uncle, to hide my Shame! And next, he makes me to being in small Karaoke rooms, like bad dark nightclub where fisrt I am taken by Royal men who steal myself from holy Spanish hiking pilgrimage I am on, steals me! takes me to bad place, to be the nanny for great large screaming type baby with beef teeth at age one month!! And — your brother the Sir Mister Baldtop, he makes me to sing in costumes and with wiggles like this two sexy womens he loves: one is called Riri, and other is called Julie Andrews. I have such shame!! No one hears me cry as I sing in this dark nightclub room in basement of country house! He give me chocolate pie, and suet pudding, but, who can care? He make me dress as Riri, and sing songs from movie Frozen, over and over, while he throw ice at me! Then the wife thing, she come and try to be making me teach her sister Pips how to dance, yes, for American show! But I tell them, look, your sister thing, she has no ass, how girl dance without ass to shake, and win prize? Cannot be done, not in MY village!
iPH: I say, my god, I shall kick the lice-ridden feathery stuffing out of that great damp mooning sod, I swear it, on my honor! He shall spend his life in the Tower, selling bangers! And I shall strip her shoes of her, every pair! Dance, indeed!!
iC2: oh, is to being worse things, I afraid, sweet caring Ginger God of womens. You see in Starstuck papers they say more! So okay. I tell you all things now – oh – okay, this womans Cammie she always scream, bring me matches! For to be burning little pictures from old magazines, of your nice mother, and muttering over old book called the Secret! Then other time, she help Mister Sir Baldtop, to put on wig and glasses from clotheses he make me wear on Wednesday nights which he was to be calling Nanny Put Me to Bed Night, And he go to soup kitchens to say to the poor peoples, “I say, you hungry, poor peoples? You lucky, my wife thing must work hard to be as thin as you are! Here are fashion magazines, look at all fancy clothes-es you can wear now, you looking so good, baby! Do you have an agent, baby, you there in the raggedy dress in corner, with no leg? My Uncle Andy’s card, here you go! He has big house of lingerie for you, thin poor girls, we help you be models!”
iPH: — why, that wheezing naff bum hole of an adder— well, do go on, my dear! I shall clench my present rage with my soldier skills, and mete out proper justice on a day to come! This I swear, my Cressida2 — or shall I say, my Buffy!
iC2: Oh, then, oh future loving Ginger Zeus of my hungry Olympus, how can I say this – then Mister Sir he leaves for to go away froms poor peoples, and buy McDonalds to take to Gran and — and she say, “Oh you such good boy, here is more things to being yours! House, more tiara more oooh my lord, a Quarterpounder! Fries too! I give you the Scottish pile I was saving for your invisible brother!” Oh Ginger-topped Sir of the vanilla-verbena-scented chest hair and with lips of a tender laughing puppy, the so many very bad things I have to be seeing! and hearing I sorry to tell you alls, you must to be thinking, your Buffy is a ruin now, no innocent no more!
iPH: — you ARE my innocent duck! You shall be healed anyway in my shining coppery aura!
iC2: Oh please yes to be, Sir! I also asks brother of you, oh, master Sir, Why can’t I live normal life and wear jeans at home sometimes like Missus Anne, instead of very small skirt of boar’s leather and with the attached paddle and many big chains? He say, “No! next you be asking for French tips from my other old uncle, like you are a royal!” But oh rosy-colored Prince Mister of love’s most dewy juice-fountain of freckled eager vitality, all I want is wear jeans while I scrub Mister Sir, like Miss Anne scrub down sick horse, yes? Not to go to special social clubs like poor Miss Eugenie who is I tell you, poor girl, she is being there to be trying so hard to be finding a bodyguard who be able and willing to go into ladies shops, and into fitting rooms and to glue the Wife Thing to a wall of a dressing room now and then! I should not say this, but, ok, I must!”
iPH: — The things you have suffered! You are safe now, I shall be finished with the rhinos soon, and I shall be with you. Word of caution – take no call from Gramps, even if he sends a staffer and car down with a note saying you must leave Paris before the talking rockets arrive from Planet Fergie, and you must go back to Anmerfawlty into their daft new two million pound UFO shelter, do not listen – you’re to stay put, my dear! We have serious work ahead!
‘Kind Saintly man of the ginger loins” screaming with laughter at this point, ‘future loving Ginger Zeus of my hungry Olympus’ – weeping now – ‘rosy-colored Prince Mister of love’s most dewy juice fountain of freckled eager vitality’. You did it you bugger, I’ll have to go and change. Thank God it’s Friday and Thank God for you Liberty – that’s your best yet.
LOL 🙂 apologies!!
*clapping*
I was wondering how you’d make a story out of this!
How do you do it? The two sexy women he loves — RiRi and Julie Andrews? I died!
bluhare, darling, I thank you and the others. 😉 Happy Friday!!
To answer your question, I simply dispense with all reason and logic, and, when possible, as a warm-up, I also watch this energy-making 5-minute song clip (which begins with a pre-Oscar Geoffrey Rush — yes, really — wiggling backwards off a stage on his tummy):
Starstuck, The Monkey in Me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H0JS5ZrarQ
This morning I only had twenty min between meetings so I just had to throw down, but glad you liked it!
Monty Python missed a fabulous addition in you, Liberty.
Thanks for all the brilliant laughs.
Oh, dear. I never thought about the loins being “ginger” but, ha! It makes sense!
This was awesome! Gossip should be like this all the time. It was so light and sugary and omg did I laugh!!!! Reading this list was such a treat, because the crescendo of silly never let up! You didn’t think it could get any more random, but it does…..it keeps outdoing itself!!! And none of it is (hmmmm, how to put it?) “mean”, I guess? It’s just so silly! Love it!
Ok the Edward thing isn’t all OMG…I know few guys that do their gf/wives nails and are really good at it. bfd
And In Camillas defense, sorta, do not we all mock 80’s fashion at this point?
HM riding around munching MickyD’s in the middle of the night is hilarious!
This crap isnt even remotely funny. Anyone with an imagination, not even a good one , made it up.
They need to hire Liberty to do it.
iStar: Ms Liberty, would you like to write a column for us about the British royals? We will pay you $10 per column and all the magazines you can read.
iLiberty: Yer wot? Write a load of tripe for yer rag? Bin doin that over at CB fer free! Bloody ‘ell! Yer’ll pay me for makin rubbish up? Ringing my agent!
*sound of phone ringing*
iSixer: Liberty, you’ll be writing an expose of the British monarchy for a reputable magazine? And you want me to help ghostwrite it? Let me ring frisbeejada!
*sound of phone ringing*
iSixer: Jada!! Get out the woad! We’re going public! Vive la republique! Liberte (hahaha), egalite, fraternite and all that! Great gob almighty has arrived!
iLIberty: Aw, coo, I loves it! and I say, bluhare, tell the Rag Keepers: we’re ladies, you see, right proper ladies! And we’ll be after having gowns and nice street wear and tiaras! A hundred quid an hour, each! and a nice cozy suite at Dukes for our work, with scrumptious tea served to us daily, of course! Vive le sisterhood! Six, tell the Mister to bring the motor round! Miss K! Where’s the Dame, too?! Tell ‘er to get herself out of Corfu, smart like! Frisbeejada, ducks, really film no more movies in August, ok? we’ve got satirical work to do!
Laughing to tears ladies.
iStar: Ms Liberty, we are a bit confused. We have an invoice here from a company called “Frisbixer” billing us for blue paint, a chariot and several breast plates. It appears to be expenses incurred in producing your new column.
iLiberty: A chariot? Bloody ‘ell; I told ’em we was needin a blue Bentley and nice togs! Fix that ‘un, wills yer? I got to be presentable like fer next week. LIz asked if I wants to go to Mickey D’s! Get the best dirt from ‘er, I do. No messin’ about with “don’t say this, please”, and “off the record, Miss!” with ‘er. She gets right to it!
ibluhare: Dear iStar, Oi! To reiterate, first off, as me chum Clive O used to say into my neck back before a spankin’ party during the early oughts, when a girl was welcome to dance on a table in a Mykonos pub without a slew of press hounds suggestin’ she was someone they saw coming in and out of a kabob shop with that dreamy loo plunger Jude, first off, I assumes you know the likes of us don’t talk to the likes of you about invoices! Or, as the Queen Mum’s jolly gin-pourers used to call ’em, Bills. Secondly, as in the son to watch now that your heir-ish front ponies seem to have lost their legs before the first hedge, wot, secondly, I must say that if we, meaning the bluhare, frisbeejada, Sixtart, FLORCempress, from her atelier, etc etc, should have to feel a need for a chariot and a breastplate for an over six foot tall strapping man with a soldier’s type body and a causal ball-kicker’s dimpled rusty-fluffed mancalves, ‘as s pursuant as it were to the acquiring of a recorded ginger-pink inner-thigh-brushing gasp-making chuckle from said such second son as he is at home, well, we wants no questions from the likes of you, what must live for our scrumptious truth-like tales to come versus printing such paltry grey pap the newborn rebel Carole Charlotte Lizzie Di would spit it out and a hungry infant mouse would meet its hungry end. I say this to you ahead of a letter you may receive regarding my now fulfilled need for a pearled brassiere, or Bustenhalter, as your Queen’s lot would say, plus five-inch scarlet heels and a tasting fork in addition to a silk men’s robe of the deep blue-gray color that looks really best with a rippling field of ginger chestian hairs as might be found in photos taken by Six near her aspidistra just the other day. That said, to repeat, it were a blue Bentley we want, and you may go ahead and make it two, as I’m keepin’ old Phil happy with a trip to a fisherman’s funeral and a peep show,, whilst iLiberty hauls a picture album to Liz which we will puruse at Mickey D’s, while takin’ notes because as iLibety says, once Liz turns her crank, ain’t no stoppin’ ‘er! I feel I c’n safely say, we will be presentin’ you with such a tale as to make the whole lot dive for cover! good day, sirs and misses, let’s have no more talk of this! But we’ll need twenty quid for a chariot license good in Cornwall, and I want no back talk from one, as we can make our goods go elsewhere! Sincerely, etc
Ohmygawd, Liberty!! Uncle! I can’t keep up with you, not even for a minute.
LOL!
Oh Gawd I’m so sorry I missed this, mind you it’s just as well, I’d have only needed another clean pair….and it does make the Woad run after a bit 🙂
Firebomber
We Agree! It’s complete BS. That said it’s Star Mag so it’s not intended to be fact. More imo unintended satire.
It’s totally funny. And probably totally made up too. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Agreed.
As I was reading these I heard the cast of, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, in that game where they read off one real news story and several fake ones and you need to guess the real one.
Perfect!
The tattoo one is funny considering the Queen’s grandfather George V had a huge tattoo. A red and blue dragon he got in his navy days. Many male royalty (and some female) of that period did. It would be ironic if they were banned now when tattoos are so prevelant.
I most definitely believe the one about Camilla. She never seemed contrite and always seemed to love flaunting it in Diana’s face and in everyone else’s. She always seemed like a vicious rotweiller with no concept of feeling, so I believe that 100%. I am sorry but I do not believe the one about the Queen. Why would she need to go out? One of her orderlies can surely go out and it bring back personally to the Queen. That one doesn’t make sense.
I always remember the story of HM and Princess Margaret when they were younger joining the crowds unrecognized outside BP cheering the king and queen on VE Day. So we know that she does have that trait in her, and who knows if she still exhibits it to this day (or at least did in the past). I wouldn’t be surprised if HM did slip out incognito every once in awhile just for the freedom of getting away from the confines of the palace and some responsibility. Whether she goes out for a burger and fries is debatable, but anything is possible! A milkshake or frosty fresh from the fountain is definitely worth a sneak trip outside BP, lol.
I had a post which disappeared in which I mentioned the concept of fate and it will have its way: we never can be sure of what exactly will happen. The topic was Camilla as Queen someday. Many may be unhappy about it, but again, we can’t be sure it’ll happen. HM may outlive Charles.