Mark Zuckerberg and physician Priscilla Chan got married in 2012, and they’re richer than rich. Zuckerberg’s kind of a rude guy, if you believe anything portrayed onscreen in The Social Network. He’s also an exceedingly bad tipper who will contest the tiniest charges.
Still, Zuckerberg is human, and his life isn’t perfect. He took to Facebook to reveal how he and Priscilla are pregnant with their first child. Mark’s enthusiasm and unbridled joy are apparent, and he opens up about their struggle to get (and stay) pregnant. Priscilla lost three pregnancies, but this one appears to be a success. Mark wants to open the discussion on miscarriage. He and Priscella felt alone in their struggle, and he wants the world to know how common the experience is for prospective parents:
Priscilla and I have some exciting news: we’re expecting a baby girl!
We want to share one experience to start. We’ve been trying to have a child for a couple of years and have had three miscarriages along the way.
You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience. Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own.
In today’s open and connected world, discussing these issues doesn’t distance us; it brings us together. It creates understanding and tolerance, and it gives us hope.
When we started talking to our friends, we realized how frequently this happened — that many people we knew had similar issues and that nearly all had healthy children after all.
We hope that sharing our experience will give more people the same hope we felt and will help more people feel comfortable sharing their stories as well.
[From Mark Zuckerberg on Facebook]
Mark says the current pregnancy is far enough along that he and Priscilla felt confident enough to reveal their news. He stresses the importance of opening a public discussion on miscarriage. Lots of couples go through the same thing, and they find it disheartening to hear of all the “accidental” pregnancies when all they want is a child of their own.
In a cute twist, Mark reveals that the baby gave a “thumbs up ‘like’” during the ultrasound, “so I’m already convinced she takes after me.” Congrats to this happy couple.
Photos courtesy of WENN
he’s carrying it well
Ha
Right? He’s glowing!
Good one! I hate it when people refer to men as being pregnant.
+10000
I’ve always found the “we” and “they” very strange too.
haha ya – for sure.
Ha!
When I was pregnant my ex and I would say that “we” were expecting but never that “we” were pregnant. Much more accurate and waaay less dismissive of pregnancy. He wasn’t the one growing a human being from scratch!
Hmm. I’m truly happy for them, and feel so much sympathy for anyone with fertility struggles and miscarriages. But I was unaware that people still felt the fear that a miscarriage reflects poorly on you – I thought that had been long gone, at least by any educated person’s standards. Anyway, I hope this one goes well and their dreams come true.
I feel the same way. I’ve read Hollywood types discuss miscarriages as if it’s the Civil Rights Movement, Slavery, Racism, or the Holocaust: Something that exist(ed) but people are still uncomfortable/blind/stupid to admit. Yet where I come from, with friends, family, friends of friends, everyone always feel sad when a miscarriage happens, no one gets blamed especially not the mother. On the contrary, the person gets loads of sympathy and understanding. I don’t know why it seems to be different for those people.
I’m an American currently living in a former soviet state and when I had an ectopic pregnancy, it was horrible! My husbands family was blaming me and ugh. I nearly screamed at them. FIL even told my husband to divorce me because I had difficulty getting pregnant.
After 3 years, 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy resulting in the loss of my right tube at 22, we underwent IVF this year (24 now) and I am now pregnant with twin boys! They are due in October and hopefully everything will be fine, but it has not been an easy pregnancy… This is my 3rd week on strict bed rest and I have 9 more weeks to go… I have placenta previa, one baby has a marker for Down’s syndrome and the other is quite a bit smaller than the other… Each day is terrifying.
I hope everything goes well for Mark and his wife!
Exactly Melissa, that’s how I feel, too. I have several friends who had miscarriages maybe 25 years ago, when we were of that age, and people discussed it openly and with compassion, even then.
Ste, that is TERRIBLE that people would blame you! I can’t tell you how awful I feel for you, having the heartache of the miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy and then being blamed by these horrible people. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and I wish you the very best with your twins. Please keep us posted. I’ll be sending you good thoughts from over here.
STE -oh my goodness, congratulations on your twin boys and good luck with everything! I’m so sorry you’ve had such painful experiences.
Ste – that is terrible, that your FIL would treat you that way, and blame you for things you had no say, and especially since you went through so much pain in these experiences. People can be so cruel.
But I wish you all the best in the world for your new babies, I am sure they will arrive healthy and stront, and I will keep you in my thoughts. Take care and good luck.
M
Ste – I’m so sorry for what you went through and I wish you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy. I wish I could say I can’t believe people would act that way, but that’s not true – there are some awful people in this world. I don’t wish to steer you in this direction, but I don’t know how easily I could welcome these people into my own life or my children’s lives after what they’ve done and said. I don’t think I could recover from that.
Ste, wishing you all good things with your pregnancy and your boys. I am sending up some good thoughts to the universe for all of you.
That was my thought too, especially considering she’s a physician.
I’m a GP, and my study years are more than 15 years behind me but even then we were taught about the frequency of miscarriages. So it feels weird that they have to talk to their friends to discover how frequently it happens.
Obviously no level of knowledge/study prepares you for the pain, the fear and the sense of loss.That part, sadly, is a heartbreak for anyone experiencing this.
Right, I didn’t mean that to be dismissive of his feelings. I was just surprised.
I don’t know about anyone else’s experiences, but I miscarried after getting pregnant through IUI, and older female relatives told me it was because I exercised too much. Even though you know better, you do start to feel some built and start to second-guess yourself and wonder if you had done something wrong. My husband and I found out on Thursday that we’re pregnant (this time through IVF), and I’m hoping this one will be successful. I actually worry about telling relatives if it fails again because of the insensitive comments I received last time. I mean, suddenly people are medical experts and feel entitled to tell you what you should have done “better” to sustain the pregnancy. It’s probably a generational thing, since the ones who behaved that way were older.
Oh, Kate, that’s terrible, and they are jerks! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope everything goes smoothly for you this time. It was NOT your fault. If I were you, I wouldn’t tell the people who said that until the baby is born, and when they questioned why I would tell them that you were very hurt by their previous remarks. Good luck to you!
“Even though you know better, you do start to feel some built and start to second-guess yourself and wonder if you had done something wrong.”
I so agree with you Kate. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. It was a terrible experience, and even though I knew it wasn’t my fault and my doctors reassured me that it wasn’t my fault, I still felt guilty and wondered if I did something wrong. You start to wonder why and in order to find a “reason” why it happened, you blame yourself (at least I did). I’m sure it’s even worst when you have other people saying awful things as well. I’m so sorry that happened to you and everyone else who had to experience jerkish behaviour at such a sensitive time.
I don’t think there is so much social judgment in the US as before, but still, women blame themselves. When I had a miscarriage and found out it was because of a genetic defect, it was reassuring in a way that it was totally out of my control. While people don’t necessarily blame women for miscarriages, there is so much policing of pregnant women and mothers in general that it is natural that some of that might carry over into feeling to blame from a miscarriage. Plus, I think it is human nature in any tragedy or loss to obsess over what you could have done differently to prevent it.
All true, Wren33. I’m sorry you went through that heartache.
Anti-choice laws and policies have had some American women jailed for miscarriages, and politicians are pushing more more laws like it. Clearly some people want women to feel guilt and fear.
My miscarriages were so, so early I don’t even bring them up IRL.
I’ve had 3 miscarriages and there is still very much a stigma. People try to be helpful but say very stupid things to you. My MIL told my husband, after finding out the doc didn’t think he needed testing (because he kept getting me pregnant), that “well, at least it’s not YOUR fault!” I hear all the time “you need to relax, it’ll happen” like if I were less stressed I would stop losing pregnancies. People are stupid.
Er, Mark Zuckerburg isn’t pregnant.
Yes, that bugs me, too.
Not a Zuck fan but that was an affecting statement. Mazel tov to them.
Also, love her dress except for that hideous coffee filter at the bottom!
It’s reflects well on him that he married a smart woman who he obviously has a lot in common with, they love each other. Too intelligent and self respecting to buy himself a trophy wife. So good for them.
In saying that I hate miserly people who try to rip poor people off, it reflects a real nastiness in their personality. Parsimony is one of the ugliest personality traits and no matter how many good points someone may have, that quality overshadows everything. It is
the person.
I feel for them on having to see a bunch of accidental pregnancies as they were struggling so hard to have a child of their own. It kills me to see all these kids my age (early 20s) that are having babies just because they’re biologically capable and/or were stupid enough not to use protection and/or they want an accessory for their Instagram pictures, while there are couples out there who would give anything for a child but are struggling to conceive.
Shambles, I totally agree. I’m 29, single and not sure if I want kids, but I see most of my closest friends and relatives struggling to conceive, it is destroying their confidence, hope and their bodies in the process of fertility treatments. The emotional toll is heavy on them especially, and on everyone who wishes them well.
It breaks my heart. I cannot imagine feeling this type of pain. And then you see people sneezing and getting pregnant and getting abortions, it’s crazy and sad. And unfair.
Far from perfect is the understatment of the century.
That said attention to this is good. Loads of people have difficulty conceiving and staying pregnant. It’s not easy for many and that’s extremely common. To get pregnant on schedule and carry to term requires (for many) much assistance. But it’s not openly discussed so when you can’t conceive easily or keep the pregnancy you can feel a shame about it.
You always hear about the couple that got pregnant without trying. The couple that stopped fertility treatment AND THEN got pregnant. The couple that has ease with the whole process. No one talks about the struggles. Even if those couples all had difficulty at some point no one else might ever know. As a result when you have issues you think it’s all your fault.
so true…
I love these two. It makes me really happy that he didn’t “upgrade” to some bimbo as soon as he became a bazillionaire.
He may be a bit of a prick, but I’m happy to see these two still together and excited about having a baby. Those who have a burning desire to have children do often blame themselves for being “broken” and unable to fulfill this natural, deep-rooted desire for offspring. I hope she’s able to carry to term without any complications.
I think he’s a psychopath. I pity any child of his.
I think he’s great and his wife also. They will be wonderful parents. They are extremely generous when it comes to donating money to various causes, including schools. Yes, I know he’s very rich, but the money they’ve given away is also staggering. I wish them the best and I think most people do too.
He still creeps me out and I always thought that any woman married to him would only be with him for us extreme wealth beyond the wildest dreams of even most Ivy League graduates. I doubt she’s with him for his personality.
They’ve been together since long before he became ultra-rich. I’m not a huge fan of his, but I admire them for staying together and seeming to be happy, and I especially admire her for making it through med school and practicing medicine, even though she could just live off his bank account.
Also, “they” are not pregnant. SHE is pregnant.
I’m not sure she CAN “just live off his bank account.” He seems to treat her very cheaply (held wedding in her backyard, cheap/ugly ring , etc.). But that’s just money. What I thought made him a HUGE jerk was taking Facebook public THE DAY BEFORE their wedding, like a big “F- You!” to her. While I understand he wanted the sale before the wedding so there can be absolutely no question that she’s not entitled to any of it, he could have done it sooner and not the very day before, overshadowing the wedding and rubbing her face it in. It seemed very disrespectful. (I think George Lucas did something similar to his current wife).
They got together in 2003, before Facebook.
While I do think it’s couragous for them to discuss the miscarriages openly and wish them all the best for the pregnancy, something about the statement rubs me the wrong way. Yes, it happened to you. Sad and all that. Why do you feel you need to speak for society and act as some sort of moral compass? Former fratboy, that you are?
I get what you’re saying, he does seem like an ass, but as someone who has had two miscarriages in 6 months, his statement really helped me. It feels dumb to say that but it did. It’s so discouraging to lose a pregnancy. You do feel really alone. So when someone who is in the public eye and has so many resources is going through the same thing, it makes you feel a little better about your own situation. For me, I felt so much for Priscilla to have to go through THREE miscarriages and hopeful because this fourth pregnancy seems to be a successful one.
Well, that could be said for anyone and anything. Sometimes you just don’t know the impact of something when you’ve never experienced it. So when you experience it, you may feel the need to say “I get it”. Not everyone will feel that way, but I won’t fault him for writing about the experience.
This is a young, incredibly privileged, unbelievably wealthy couple who manage to live a relatively low-key life. They were struck with misfortune that hurt them in a very personal way and now they are using that experience to reach out to others who have gone through similar pain, or may one day experience the same. In my view, that shows leadership and is exactly what people in their position ought to do with their fame. Good on them for trying to make a positive and heartfelt contribution in the world. I wish the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge were paying attention but it’s so hard when Mustique is calling…
One of my childhood best friend’s got pregnant her senior year in high school. I was horrified, but I was wrong. She and her husband just welcomed their FOURTH child. I stand in stunned disbelief at their truly strong and loving marriage. They struggle from time to time to afford luxuries, but they always make their mortgage and all other important payments on time and the kids don’t just have what they need but also happy things like activities and their birthdays made a big deal of (something important to my friend because her birthdays were glossed over as a child).
My mother got pregnant with me at 23. It was a mess, one my grandmother took over and tried to salvage something from. That’s why we went to court when I was an adult and now my grandparent’s names are where my “mother’s” used to be (never a father listed despite said mother knowing who he was). I am now 27 years old and I have two post-graduate degrees to my name and I own my own home. I met my husband at 18. We got married when I was 23 and had our first child a year later.
My pregnancy was something of a surprise despite the fact that we were actively trying to have a baby as I have numerous health issues, endometriosis being one of the chief factors as far as fertility goes. I was prepared to struggle. That I didn’t was a blessing, one of the only lucky breaks my body has ever dealt me.
Unfortunately, one of my best friends has gone through almost every treatment one can name. She and her husband are now waiting for their name to reach the top of a list so that they can adopt a child. They have no idea when this will happen and have been warned that it could be years. She finally confided in me many similar feelings as are in Mark Zuckerberg’s post about a year ago. The isolation, shame, and feeling as if your body has somehow let you and your partner down are very real and pervasive problems. Most people in their families don’t even know they went the route to adopt as when the word got out – NOT from them, but through a parent speaking out of turn – they were told terrible things by more than one family member from both sides of the family. Examples include, “you just aren’t trying hard enough” or “I told you that you never should have married that girl, defective genes, I tell you.” Yes, really.
The stigma of fertility and conception issues still abounds. As long as people stand in the shadows – and being that they are wrestling with something so serious I completely understand – ignorance will flourish. Ultimately, it’s up to compassion and, unfortunately, that something that seems to be sadly lacking in society. I have hope, though. Without hope there is nothing at all.
Having a miscarriage is so hard and even though you know the stats that 1:4 pregnancies end in miscarriage you still feel so alone and like you can’t talk about it. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and none of our immediate family had ever dealt with that before so no one knew what to say or how to act or even understood the total devastation you feel. It’s not just the loss of the pregnancy, but it’s the loss of the future and plans you already had. I had one friend who had had a miscarriage the year before but other than that no one really understood. I ended up talking about it to my friends and being open about it. Since then two other friends have experienced it and I was the first person they talked to aside from their parents. It really is something that only someone else who has experienced it can relate to and really understand.
It really is a hard thing to go through and just as hard to share. My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. We had only told family about the pregnancy but having to relay the news was so difficult. It took me almost four years to tell someone outside our familial circle. Even to this day I shed a tear for out “Squishy”. Our story has a great ending though. After we got the go ahead to try again I ended up getting pregnant with twins! 🙂
I think the backlash at the announcement that they’re both pregnant is funny. True, only the woman is pregnant, and saying otherwise does somewhat diminish the woman’s role in pregnancy, but it’s somewhat easy to fall into the habit of saying that. My husband and I have really been “in it together” as far as fertility treatments – he has gone to various consultations with me, tagged along on various appointments, comforted me through an early miscarriage and numerous failed treatment cycles, gave me all of my injections every night for IVF, was the first person I saw when I woke up in pain after the egg retrieval, held my hand during the embryo transfer, and cried on the phone when I told him I was finally pregnant. It feels like something we’re doing together, even though intellectuay I know that I’ve done all the “heavy lifting” physically up to this point and will continue to do so throughout this pregnancy. I think I like the idea of saying that we’re both expecting instead of saying we’re both pregnant. It’s becoming so common for people to say that, though. It is slightly too cutesy.
I never realized how much older she looks than him…is she? I have no idea and don’t really know much about these two.