In other Malawi adoption news, David Banda was allowed to visit with his biological father while visiting Malawi this week. Banda seemed not to know who the man was at first, but warmed up to him quickly. While speaking to his father, the little boy expressed that he missed his adopted father, Guy Ritchie, very much.
While there, David was able to visit with his biological father Yohane Banda, but the tot didn’t know who he was.
David and Yohane spent about three hours together – it was the first time since 2006 – but the little boy didn’t recognize his bio father. Yohane was stunned that David didn’t know who he was or that he couldn’t speak his native language.
Yohane said, “He asked me in English who I was and what I do. When I told him, ‘I am your daddy’ he looked surprised. We spent three hours together… he played with my nose and although he did not know who I was he asked me lots of questions.
“David is quite chatty and intelligent. He asked whether I ride horses but I told him horses are for the rich. He asked me why I am poor. He said his mum likes riding horses and told me that one day he and his brother, Rocco, rode horses and fell. He said his mum spanked him because they are not supposed to ride on their own.”
David also told Yohane he misses his nanny, who quit (or fired by Madonna… whichever rumor you believe). “He misses her a lot because she used to read him books. Nowadays he has different nannies and he doesn’t like the situation.”
The three-year-old spoke of his relationship with Guy Ritchie.
“He seems to like his daddy Mr. Ritchie so much,” said Yohana. “I was a sad Madonna broke up with him. I would have loved it if they sorted out whatever problems they had instead of divorcing because divorce is bad for kids.”
Wow! That’s a lot of very interesting information. First, who would have thought that Madonna would spank her kids? Isn’t she supposed to be so spiritual and peaceful and non-violent thanks to Kabbalah? And also, wouldn’t you think she’d just get the nanny to do it? And speaking of nannies – it’s quite telling that the two people David misses are his nanny and Guy Ritchie. Before the divorce, these were probably the two people he saw the most. It’s also interesting that Madonna has made absolutely no effort to teach David anything about the country he came from, or to give the child any background on himself. He didn’t even know his own father, and he didn’t understand why his father was poor.
Oh dear.. am I nuts, but didn’t she also agree prior to his adoption that she would keep him in contact with his family and culture…I feel like I had read something like that…
Wow! He’s lost two fathers thanks to Madonna.How many more will there be?
I think it is sad that Guy is so far away and that he can’t see the kids as much. But that happens. I have to say that there are parents who live less than an hour away from their kids and do not see them often or at all. That is life. Sad but true. Guy s David’s father. He is the man this little boy feels is is father.. and that feeling has nothing to do with biology. It is just love.
At least she spanks him, so that should put rumous that David is completely spoiled to rest.
No wonder she lost her bid to adopt Mercy – broken marriage + revolving door of nannies + David missing Guy and fired nanny + dragging home 22 year-old Brazilian models + A-Rod + never-ending touring/recording/workout schedule ++++ = bad mother.
Spanking only makes the parent feel better! It is not good for the kids. Madonna clearly has rage issues, and I was a child of her early music and LOVED her now I can barely stand looking at her! I look forward to her children’s tell all books!!!!!
I find it astounding that she hits her children. There are far better ways of discipling a child. Hitting a child is a dreadful thing to do – and I should know. I was beaten badly as a child by both my parents. I never liked her much but now I feel justified in my dislike.
That meeting speaks volumes. Makes me want to rip dear David out of her grisly arms.
The other sad thing about this is that because Yohane spoke with the press about this meeting, I’m sure Madonna will never bring David back home again.
Wow, what a WITCH! My heart breaks for the kids. David playing with his bio Dad’s nose shows he isn’t around black people much. Madonna hasn’t taught him anything about his culture or who his bio Dad was. Nothing. All the kids obviously miss Guy Ritchie. He should have custody or at LEAST joint custody. He got screwed in the settlement.
trollydolly: I am deeply sorry that you were badly beaten by your parents. However, I feel that spanking is not bad; I mean obviously you have to balance things. I feel I was not spanked enough and I was incredibly rude to my parents and such a brat! They talked to me and were awesome (I was nothing like them) but I just didn’t get it. I am a teacher now and when I witness some of my students’ behaviours, I wish their parents would discipline them to teach them how to treat other people. That’s why I now feel I should have been spanked more. Hope I don’t offend anyone, that was not my intention.
“Spare the rod and spoil the child”, so says the bible.
I’m not religious at all, but even I know spanking (which is very different from brutalizing/abusing the child) is a great tool for disciplining a child. Nothing says ‘mummy told you you shouldn’t ride on horses alone’ better than a spank on the buttock.
But I don’t expect Madonna haters to admit this
How sad. Little David is losing his culture. That is something to be so proud of having. He is also losing the relationship with his father little by little and soon it will probably be completely gone.
She is financially taking care of these kids but also harming them by taking away their loved ones and whom they feel secure with.
Just donate the money Vadge, give it to the kids and their families.
Re:spanking. I was spanked when younger and it didn’t harm me. There is a difference between doing to inflict pain and doing to discipline your child. I spank my kids about 4 times a year. They have to be really naughty to get it.
Unless you are around your native culture, learning the language, you will lose the ability to speak it fast.
@Christianne: I agree 100% with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spanking a child when they have done something wrong. In fact, I encourage it (few spanks on the bum with an open hand is best).
And hitting a child does not make the parent feel better, in fact, it has the opposite effect…. but a parent understands that it has to be done to prevent lots of problems in the future.
My children get spanked the second time they do something I don’t condone. First they get a verbal warning (in which I promise to give them a haiding should they do it again). The second time I keep my promise and spank them. Needless to say, I’ve hardly ever found the need to spank them twice for the same offense.
And they are every teacher’s dream students. Smart, disciplined and respectful. GREAT kids!
Spanking just reinforces the notion that someone who is bigger and stronger has the ultimate power. It’s not a good message to send, and can encourage bullying behaviour in children. I don’t think a spanking is always detrimental, but there are many many ways to discipline a child that get better results.
I find it really surprising that so many adults think it’s perfectly acceptable
to hit a child. Would you hit an adult for doing something you didn’t like?
Pufft, I just read your comment, and the reason that your kids are well behaved isn’t the spanking itself, it’s because you’re consistent in your discipline. Your kids know what the limits are. That’s great. I know many kids on my block who get spanked and they behave horridly, and it’s because they never know which behaviour will get a spanking and which won’t.
So it’s not that spanking is good, it’s that consistent discipline is.
Does he actually say that he misses Guy? He says he misses the nanny but that he likes Guy…
either way thats awesome.
I think its way worse that she’s not teaching him anything about his adoptive father and country than that she spanked him. I was spanked especially if I put my self in danger (running out in the street) and that may be why she spanked him over the horse back riding alone, without permission or helmets. (horseback riding is dangerous) I love the fact that he’s bonded with Rocco, they will always have each other to lean on regardless of what Madonna is putting them through. She was Im sure, too busy divorcing Guy and then proving she’s “over him” by running around with A-Rod and Jesus. So immature.
Do you really believe that story????? First of all, how is a three year old being raised in the environment he his with security guards and nannies going to get on a horse and ride it with nobody but his big brother knowing? I doubt she spanks him. Where did this crazy story come from?
Spanking is NOT the same as hitting. Spanking is a consequence that the child essentially chooses. I was spanked a few times as a child, and it was certainly something I could have prevented from happening by stopping whatever behavior was getting me in trouble when I was given a warning.
It’s uncomfortable and humiliating, which is the point, but it didn’t make me afraid of my parents. Now, the time my mom slapping me across the face during an argument with no warning? THAT was very upsetting. Not because I didn’t do something bad, but because I wasn’t expecting it.
Wow, Madonna doesn’t even look like herself in this photo. Her cheeks are so inflated. She overdid the plastic surgery. Looks like a aging sad clown.
@wif: It is consistent disciplinary action reinforced with spank where need be. My children – all children in fact – don’t like being spanked. So, they try and avoid a hiding by behaving. As they grow older, the lessons learned naturally become habitual.
Also, I disagree that spanking teaches children that those bigger then than can do anything. You are the parent, the care giver, the adult… children need someone ‘bigger’ to look up to. Perhaps spanking works with my children because it’s not just that they get hit on the buttock, but that mummy is upset and disappointed in them. That just crashes them.
The problem with spanking is that some parents abuse their ‘power’ and spank their children without telling them way. Some parents also hit their children when foaming with anger and without clear judgment (like I said, there is a difference between spanking and downright abusing a child).
If spanked too often, the punishment looses its purpose because number one, children tend to develop a ‘thick skin’ and therefore they no longer fear being spanked, which in turn defies the whole purpose of being spanked. And number two, it becomes a cop out and stress reliver for an angry parent who seems to be loosing a grip on their child/ren.
That’s why the spanking didn’t work on those children from your block. They were hit so many times without ‘justification’ that boundaries were not set. They think they can do anything and the only punishment is getting spanking from mummy/daddy, which, they are so used to that it doesn’t hurt where it should
Could it be that the reason he isn’t missing Madonna is because he’s with her…in between workouts? Not that I’m defending Madge…just wondering. Also, some kids are more difficult to deal with and occasionally need a swat on the behind. One of my sons was incredibly stubborn and had to be disciplined more than the other who was a complete piece of cake and responded beautifully to a ‘talking to’.
this story really sheds light on a very sad situation, where some egotistical woman doesn’t care or consider even her own son’s feelings. as always with madonna- it’s me me me.Why should i care if he loved the Nanny, why should I care that he hasn’t seen his biological father and half brother in 3 years, why should I care that I drag my children around my dubious flash in the pan new boyfriends? He should be with his family and I’m not talking about the one who bought him in an auction.
@pufft-as always full of hot air.
spanking is a slap on the buttocks. God my mother always did that and it never hurt me one bit. She is the greatest! (my mum)
I don´t believe Madonna is a bad parent just because she has a busy schedule. She is not the only working mum on this planet!!
I feel badly for poor David and actually all of Madonna’s kids but especially for David and Rocco because they are away from Guy. I hope Guy reads this article and knows that David misses him. I also hope tha Guy treats Rocco and David equally. David is losing his culture. Madonna wouldn’t be Madonna though if she WASN’T acting selfishly!
and for David missing his nanny. She gave Madonna her notice (the nanny said so herself). It doesn´t matter if Madonna fired her then and there, she would have left anyway only a few weeks later. That is not Madonna´s fault IMHO
@trollydolly: Yes, I for one am completely for spanking. It’s not a criminal offense or something that should be abolished and condemned altogether (actually, religious folks will even argue that it is the ‘will and way’ of God).
If done properly, it serves a purpose. And the question you posed “Would you hit an adult for doing something you didn’t like?” is completely irrelevant to this argument.
Discipline needs to be reinforced with children as they often don’t know the difference between right and wrong. I wouldn’t spank a grown up for doing something wrong for the simple reason that I would expect them to know better as adults.
Children are a lot like puppies. If a dog is trained properly when young, it will be well behaved when older. Hence the reason why you don’t have to worry about lifting a hand to ‘punishing’ the adult dog.
This IS interesting information from David…but then again, it makes sense that he would be so open and honest, as kids tend to be. I hope he gets to see Guy soon! Poor biological dad, too!
@lola: Only when the weather is right :p
@ Pufft : spanking is a criminal offense in my country and has been so for the last 30 years
oh god,here we go!!!
let the M bashing begin!
First of all,we don’t knwo for sure what was said by his bio dad. some of it could have been mistranslated,or misinterpreted-David could have said punished,and the dad assumed spank…b/c he’s frankly prob. never left his village and spanking is quite a common child punishment in most parts of the world-so much so that people don’t even know there’s an alternative. ‘Time Out’ isn’t an option when you barely have chairs to sit in,ya know?
I’m just saying-i lived in Kenya for awhile…I’m not stereotyping-though of course there are people with money,and there are cities…but overall…the former is the norm.
So,we really cannot confirm exactly what went on in the conversation.
Secondly,just b/c Madonna didn’t keep up with his native language [whatever that is? Kenya alone had 54 tribes,each with different languages-and just b/c swahili and english are supposed to be the national languages,doesnt mean everyone spoke them. Is she supposed to hire a nanny from there,get her a work visa and bring her over,to make sure he is bilingual in a remote tribal language? Doesn’t make sense.]
Also,of COURSE he doesn’t remember the bio dad. David was only,what,2 yrs old when he left? Kids don’t usually recall…especially since we don’t knwo how much he saw his bio dad,while in the orphanage. The Dad seemed like he came into the picture once Madonna decided to adopt him.
Yes,Madonna should probably have had a photo of the Dad-but at the same time,she was allowing him to integrate into her family…and I suspect,trying to keep her marriage/family together during that period. [Say what you will,and she is getting ridiculous with her resistance to aging and plastic surgeries,but I do believe she wanted her marriage to work out,and wanted to have a big family. ]
So,yes,M is narcissistic,but not so much so that she cannot have some decent relationships,IMO.
I love how every topic with her name becomes a bash-fest,w/o regard to facts or logic….geesh. Things are usually far more nuanced than they may first appear.
He is 3 years old!! What were you thinking MSAT!!!
It’s obvious you don’t have kids, otherwise you would not have said those things: “…no effort to teach David anything about the country he came from…”
How do you teach a 3-year old about abstract concepts like “country” and “poor” when you will have the hardest time teaching the child to use the potty, to use basic words, to dress himself up and do other basic, everyday things from his immediate environment?
Duh, I feel a lot of SPITE here, not good!
@Pufft – I don’t consider my question “Would you hit an adult for doing something you didn’t like?” to be irrelevant but I guess from your standpoint it has to be. If you are the type of individual who condones and approves of hitting a child then you probably don’t really want to think too deeply about what you are doing.
No one likes to have their parenting skills (or lack of) criticised. I believe many of parents who smack are very defensive of their actions because at a very fundamental level they know its not right to hit or intimidate or frighten their child.
There are so many different methods now widely recommended for instilling discipline into children that aren’t based on fear and pain. It’s just a pity so many parents decide not to investigate them and just resort to that age old “spare the rod and spoil the child” bullshit because it’s all they know and probably experienced themselves as children.
I don’t believe spanking is an acceptable way to discipline children. not getting hit is a child’s right, not a privilege that can be taken away when a kid misbehaves. children need to know their bodies deserve to be treated with respect no matter what, not just when they’re being good.
anyways, non of this surprises me. Madonna has been a grade A narcissist from day one and therefor a horrible mother. she’ll never change. i know because my mother is a narcissist and it would take a stick of dynamite to change her.
@SweB: I don’t know which country you come from, but I could never live in a country where I get tried in a court of law for spanking my own children with an open hand as means of discipline. In my country, the law is against domestic violence and child abuse (but spanking, thankfully, is not considered child abuse)
@trollydolly: I saw that one coming. The problem with your response, as expected, is that you haven’t clearly differentiated between ‘spanking’ (which is more embarrassing than painful for the child) and ‘hitting’ (which is very painful and has the potential of installing fear for a parent into a child).
A child won’t even bruise when you hit them with an open hand on the buttock. My mum did it to me and my siblings and never in our lives have we condemned her for it. We are a close-knit family and if anything, love our mum for spanking us to discipline us.
You said, I quote: “I believe many of parents who smack are very defensive of their actions because at a very fundamental level they know its not right to hit or intimidate or frighten their child.”
Once again, you got it completely wrong. I don’t spank my children to intimidate them or frighten them, but to discipline them. I also said that I give my children a verbal warning and lecture and only spank them if they repeat the same ‘offense’. My children and I are very close and they are by no means scared of me. But I am the adult and their mother and the limits in our relationship have to be clearly defined.
Pufft – you’re making good sense.
Beating your children and spanking them are two different things – if a few more kids got a spanking now a days they wouldnt be in as much trouble as they are in. I grew up getting spanking when i got in trouble. and I turned out fine! Im glad that someone woke up and decided to make a celebrity follow the rules. They are in place for a reason and just because she has millions she shouldnt be able to by pass the legal system.
How this quote:
“He seems to like his daddy Mr. Ritchie so much,” said Yohana
could become this title:
“David Banda tells his father that he misses Guy Ritchie”
How can 40 people comment on this news without noticing that?
i grew up with 3 sisters, and we rarely got spanked. i remember really only one time, and i totally deserved it – one of my sisters and i were playing in the car and took the emergnecy brake off, causing the car to go down the driveway and crash into a mailbox. my parents kept us in line by telling us what would happen if we disobeyed, and then follwing through if we kept doing it, which is truly the key. example: if we acted up in a restaurant, we would have two warnings and then the third time we would all leave, regardless of whether we had eaten or not. if we acted up at a movie, the third “warning” was that we all left and went home. as a result we pretty much obeyed and hardly ever needed to be spanked. but, i do think spanking (an open handed swat on the butt, through clothes) is very different from hitting. as much as i dislike madonna, i seriously doubt madonna beats her kids.
if david misses guy, then why doesn’t guy come to see him? why is this madonna’s fault again? oh wait, everything’s her fault… i forgot…
@Kate: I had a similar upbringing (and try to do the same for my children). We got verbal warnings first and didn’t just get spanked ‘out of the blue’.
I remember climbing up a tree after church with one of my ‘good dresses’ and ripped it in the process. After my mum found out, she set me down, gave me a lecture about making it a rule to wear my ‘play clothes’ when I climb trees. She told me that if I did it again, I would get spanked.
A month or so after that, I took a chance (knowing fully well my mum had warned me against it) and climbed a tree with another Sunday dress. I didn’t rip that one, but my mum caught me red-handed none the less.
She called me inside the house. Set me down and asked my why I blatantly chose to go against her wishes. I told her I didn’t rip the dress this time. She told me that it was not relevant whether or not I had ripped the dress, but that I had climbed a tree with a Sunday dress. She asked me if I knew it was wrong to climb the tree with my good dress, to which I admitted I did. She then reminded me of our conversation a month back. She said “remember what I said I would do to you if ever you climbed a tree with a good dress?” I replied that she said she would spank me. She replied “and I have to keep to my promise”. That was the first time I got spanked. I remember crying, but not because it hurt, but because I knew that I had disappointed my mum truly.
Needless to say, I never claimed a tree with a good dress again.
This child is smart for his age and his life is somehow miserable.
I admire his biological father.
He misses the nanny and Guy. Guy should hire the nanny and take David with him.
To the person here who said parents shouldn’t spanked because she knows what it is like to be beaten – they’re two different things. Today’s parents have no control over their kids. In fact, they’re so afraid their kids won’t like them, that the kids turn out to be self-entitled monsters.
Um,TrollyDolly,do you have kids?
cause your not really sounding like you
have any experience with child rearing.
I side with Pufft on this one. I was spanked growing up and so were my sisters. We all came out fine.
Trollydolly- you sound like you have some serious issues- I hope your not raising children. I honestly believe you should never devalue your authority figure to your kids, just so you can be “like their friend”. It teaches kids that if its okay to disrespect you- then it must be OK to disrespect other adults. And most adults I know cant stand entitled brats. I have seen this all too often when i babysat and when I was in high school.
Kids speak from the heart. He misses his daddy and his nanny, I wonder if Madge will hear his little heart?
Pufft, you say “not because it hurt, but because I knew that I had disappointed my mum truly.” which I only think emphasizes my point that spanking is not necessary. There are many ways to make a child know that they have misbehaved. I was never spanked in my life, I have never spanked my children and they behave beautifully.
I just want to emphasize the spanking and discipline are separate issues. Spanking is not necessary to raise children well. Discipline is.
@pufft, I can’t wait for your children to turn around and slap you back, hopefully you won’t be sitting in a wheelchair and be equally as physically inferior to them now as you are to them now.
And…why are you guys saying that TrollyDoll doesn’t sound like a parent, or that she must devalue her authority as a parent. It sounds just the opposite to me, she sounds like someone who’s read a lot of parenting books and has made the decision about what’s right for her.
There’s never anything a kid does that deserves physical punishment. If you want to lose all trust of your kids – spank them.
Ha, I’m not surprised. I bet Guy did things like sneak the kids out for some good ‘ol junk food and a trip to the nearest toy store. Meaning: he let them be KIDS.
@hatsumomog – I appreciate your contribution of course; however labelling me as ‘clearly having issues’ because I resolutely detest the use of physical chastisement on children is a bit bizarre. It is my right as an adult woman not to be smacked or physically punished in any way. I believe in extending the same rights to a child.
I’m amazed at how many defensive hackles this has raised. It seems a lot of people really do want to be able to smack their children with impunity.
As Rena (52)pointed out maybe the shoe will be on the other foot one day.
” He asked whether I ride horses but I told him horses are for the rich”
This man gave up his CHILD because he was too poor. He lost his son and he’s still poor. I feel very much for this man. Very sad.
I believe that you do what works for you. I was spanked as a child. I’m fine and I don’t ever want to hit my mother. She taught us that spankings were for discipline only and that hitting other people was wrong. It’s not that difficult to differentiate or teach your kids the difference.
I think spanking is effective for a certain amount of time but as soon as your kids start to be able to understand their actions and why they do things, they are unnecessary.
BUT, to those parents who “ground” their kids and send them to their rooms or take away video game privileges or bs like that, your kids run your life, not the other way around. Be a parent. There is nothing wrong with being an authority figure. You don’t have to be your kid’s friend, especially when they are too young to understand the subtlety of a parent/child friendship. Kids need authority figures and it starts with the parent, not the schoolteacher.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dealt with kids who have no sense of adult authority because their parents have read “parenting books” that suggest being your child’s friend. They tend to have the most difficult discipline problems to correct because they don’t understand what is wrong about their behavior. A kid who hits another kid can see that the other kid is hurt and you can explain to them what is wrong about it. A kid who says “Mommy doesn’t make me take naps” or “Mommy doesn’t make me write my letters” or “Mommy doesn’t say I can’t eat glue” are much harder to deal with because then you have to say “Mommy is wrong” and you get into troubles with parents and all that jazz.
To be clear: Discipline your children. A three-year old is NOT your friend.
“BUT, to those parents who “ground” their kids and send them to their rooms or take away video game privileges or bs like that, your kids run your life, not the other way around. Be a parent. There is nothing wrong with being an authority figure.”
I hope the next time you are stopped by the cops for speeding, that they don’t take away your license or ticket you or bs like that. Much better if they just be a good authority figure and beat your ass. After all there is nothing wrong with them being an authority figure.
@Porter235: That is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. The two situations don’t compare in the slightest and if you don’t know why, you need to get cracking on those “critical thinking skills” you are sorely lacking.
My mom occasionally spanked us. But one time, she came home from the market and showed my siblings and I something that is used to scratch your back. 😀 It was made out of wood, and my mom slapped it against her arm slightly. The thing left a red mark on my mom’s arm. She said that if we misbehave, she’d use that thing on us. Whenever we did something terrible, she would hit the table with the “back scratcher” and the very sound of it was enough to scare us.
I got into trouble once, and she spanked me with the thing. My bum was a little sore after that. But the second time, my siblings and I stuffed newspapers inside our shorts so when my mom spanked us, we didn’t feel a thing. She realized what we’ve done but she just found it funny. And clever. 😀
Spanking is not bad, as long as it done within reason. If you’re spanking your kids just because you can, and you’re angry, that’s not right. But kids nowadays get neither spanking nor serious talking to. So they grow up screaming at their parents when they don’t get what they want. Some kids are rude and obnoxious, and behave horribly toward others.
nashnash….that is one of the problems with spanking, is that it is mostly, if not always, done while the parent is angry…who calmly spanks a child? And when a person is angry and in the heat of the moment, they have less than ideal control over when to not go too far.
I believe wholeheartedly in discipline, and being a parent, and not a “friend” to your children…but I can honestly say, that the only thing I ever felt as a child the few times i got physical punishment, was wondering why someone who loved me was hitting me…not “hey, I guess I won’t do that again”.
spanking is not bad. I watched my sister get it all the time and knew not to get caught being up-to-no-good with my Grandma! Imagine being sent to the backyard to get a switch (small branch) off of the tree so Grandma could spank your a$$ with it!!!
Did anyone even NOTICE? The man said he was POOR….. he gave up his kid due to environmental poverty and the debate wages on SPANKING. This FATHER lives in constant political poverty and he gave up his SON to a rich woman who apparently gave nothing to him for his sorrow. I find that disgusting. The man has no crime. He was born poor and gave birth to a poor child a rich woman wanted. So the rich woman couldnt give him a bit of change? Okay Madonna makes me offically sick now.
@Wif: Spanking IS a form of discipline. I already explained why I use it as a tool and I REALLY don’t want to keep reemphasizing myself on this subject.
@Rena: Don’t be silly! I hate it when people deliberately reply to posts with irrelevant material just to appear smart, when in fact they are achieving the opposite.
@Jack: Do you have children? Have you seen how some children talk to their parents or adults? I make it a rule to only spank my children (because I hate to assert my authority on other people’s children), but some children can seriously do with some spanking.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve raised my children to demonstrate respect at all times, but few times when my children’s friends have had sleep-overs at my house, I was more than surprised at how undisciplined some children are. How wrong can a parents go that a 10-year-old starts running and yelling at the top of their lungs “I don’t want to… I don’t want to… I don’t want to!!!” I ask the child why he didn’t want to eat his dinner, especially since during lunch he only stuffed his face with chocolate and junk food and he screams “Because I said so! And you can’t make me!” If that was my child (it would never be, because I don’t even have to tell my children why such behaviour is unacceptable) I would give him a nice spanking on the buttock. For such a child, even time out wouldn’t work.
@HarshBrown: That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Because I share a very open relationship with my children where I encourage them to speak to me about absolutely anything, sometimes the lines between parent and child can be blurred. That’s why it is so important to assert my authority as the adult and their mother. The limits in our relationship have to be clearly defined.
@Yae: We definitely read the word POOR. It’s just that Madonna has had her fair share of bashing on other related threads. Much better talking about spanking and leave all the judgmental stuff on other threads.
@ pufft, 1) it’s scary to see that you have elected yourself to be the moderator of everyone’s comments and the therefore the judge of its relativity and/or other commentators IQ’s and lifestyles, which leads me straight into point 2) Since you show such dictator qualities and proudly exclaim how you endorse physical punishment even in its least violent form, i feel really sad for your children and your husband( If he is still around?), because it must suck to be raised by such a bigoted, ignorant, selfabsorbed ,selfimportant and downright stupid woman. Trust me, I’ve seen it before, where the perfect, well disciplined and housebroken puppies (sic) turned to drugs and sex to escape that illusion that you try to create and to rebel against being chastized.
I had a 15 year-old student who committed suicide two months ago. I was devastated because everybody knew she was severely beaten by her mother but nobody could do much about it. When I taught her, I was like 20 and she was 6. I talked to my boss about it and I thought he would understand since he is Canadian and laws there are way different than in Mexico. He said: “Cristina, just stay out of it. You could get the school sued.” Well, guess what? The girl couldn’t take it anymore. But what happened to her was brutal. I saw her bruises. She wasn’t disciplined. She was abused! I was never abused. I was spanked and hell I deserved it! I don’t see what the big deal is. Raise your children the best way you can. My parents were not perfect and I was a spoiled brat. If I ever decide to have children, I won’t take any crap from them but that doesn’t mean that I would spank them just because. I am NOT a parent BUT I know that we are not supposed to be our kids’ friends. They have to learn to respect everybody and spanking is not going to traumatize them. Abuse is.
@Christianne, I’m frightened that you may actually have children one day and I’m frightened for the kids you are around because, you seem to clearly lack any knowledge of psychology and the workings of the human mind. NOT EVERY PARENT SETS OUT TO ABUSE THEIR CHILD< IT”S A GRADUAL PROGRESS, IT USUALLY STARTS OUT WITH A SPANKING OR A SLAP. UNFORTUNATELY, IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT AND WHEN TEMPERS ARE FLARING SOME PEOPLE CROSS THE LINE. YOU THINK PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO DISCIPLINE AND CHILDREN MAY DESERVE IT? AND YOU SAY YOU ARE A TEACHER? ALSO, IF YOU FAILED TO REPORT THIS GIRL’S ABUSE TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES, WITH OR WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF YOUR BOSS, YOU ARE AN ENABLER AND A WITNESS TO A CRIME. IF ONLY YOU WOULD HAVE SPOKEN UP???? I’m not a teacher but a parent and 3 times i’ve reported bruises and suspicious injuries ON KIDS at my daughter’s school on a hunch. Guess what? it was addressed, noted and taken care of. Better to be too involved than uninvolved when it comes to a child’s life, health and safety.
I agree with Pufft and others.
@Rena: You are clearly not a teacher nor do you seem to have a lot of experience with other people’s children nor do you seem to think that certain behaviors are inexcusable.
I regularly deal with privileged, entitled, spoiled little children. Some of them have parents who discipline them in some way or another (not sure if any of them actually get spankings as it is not my place to ask) and the rest run around like ninnies saying that they don’t have to listen to me.
I’ve got to put 5 and 6 year olds in “time outs” constantly. And even then they fight me saying that they don’t know what time out means and “Mommy doesn’t give me time outs for telling my sister that she’s ugly” or “Mommy doesn’t give me time outs for not doing my homework” or the best one yet “Mommy is as old as you but she doesn’t tell me what to do”. Meanwhile, the parents are simpering little lost adults letting their children run their lives.
Some kids need to have a healthy fear of doing something wrong. Some kids don’t. It depends on the kid and some parents don’t want to take responsibility for getting to know their children and what their children respond to in terms of discipline. Some kids need spankings, some need to be talked to. It’s all relative. I just wish that some parents were more involved with their children and didn’t rely on me to parent them.
Mmm, I do lack psychology and I am seriously considering not having children at all. I did report it to my boss and I talked to the girl’s father. I also asked my student what I could do for her and she just asked me to talk to her dad.
Rena, I think you are too harsh and you judge without knowing the circumstances. For some parents, it is not right for outsiders to intervene in their parenting. I don’t know how to handle abuse because I am not a psychologist; I am just a language teacher and where I work it is strictly verboten to interact with students on a personal level. It really irritates me that you say that you are frightened because you don’t know me at all. I never said hitting is discipline but spanking is because you have no idea how some parents are educating their children these days but that’s not my business. IF I were to have children, I would spank them IF they misbehaved AND IF they had been told a prior warning; not physically abuse them. Learn to differ.
You people are seriously scaring me. I guess I can see the argument for spanking, but the name calling and the ridiculous insults against people who don’t agree with your semi violent discipline tactic, only makes you seem irrational and violent yourself.
As to Christianne, I’m horrified by your story. How could you stand by and not report that abuse? Afraid of embarrassment? Afraid of a lawsuit? Well congratulations, no more fear of that… the kid is dead. I hope you change your philosophies for next time.
“@Wif: Spanking IS a form of discipline. I already explained why I use it as a tool and I REALLY don’t want to keep reemphasizing myself on this subject.”
I have heard you loud and clear Pufft, you don’t seem to be hearing me. I acknowledge that spanking is your form of discipline, and you seem to have put a lot of thought into how you define that. But what you and others seem to be conveying is that it is the ONLY/BEST form of discipline, and I can promise you that that is not the case. If it is what works for your family so be it, but I will not sit idly by and watch while others here post the implication that my children are spoiled brats because I’ve never spanked them.
I can assure you that if you invite my children over for a sleepover, you will find them charming and well behaved. (But they’re allergic to dogs, you don’t have dogs do you? They’ll wheeze all night.)
Whooops, sorry, the above post is from me, Wif. Porter is my husband. I forgot to change his name back to mine in the reply box after he posted last night.
@Christianne, where is your conscience girl or is that VERBOTEN too?!
@PUFFT@ AKA HASHBROWN, wow you arrogant and derogatory tone speaks volumes about you. You just clearly hate your job, don’t you because you are not allowed to slap these rich people’s children around and instill some healthy fear into them. How dare the have a different idea of parenting, they must deserve the spoiled brats their children have become. Wow! Somebody in the screening process where you got hired missed a step or two, because clearly I would not hire a caretaker who promotes “HEALTHY FEAR” and using even the mildest form of physical punishment.
Some kids definitely need to get spanked sometimes. How can people mix spanking as discipline with hitting as abusing? I’m with Pufft all the way. I got spanked many times when I was a little kid, and I AM going to do apply that to my kids if neccessary.
Rena, your comments towards others who happen to disagree with you are rather hostile and uncalled for. I hope you don’t treat people like that in real life, because, frankly, I wouldn’t ever want to run into on the street if you did act like this all the time.
@rena: I am not Pufft. Sorry to disappoint you but we have completely different writing styles. Use those critical thinking skills.
Anyway, I love my job. I love children and I love working with children. It is why I spent 8 years in school to be able to do my job well. But there are aspects of my job that I don’t particularly like just like everyone else.
I’d say 90% of the kids I work with are great. Their parents are a little overbearing, but it’s a private school so it makes sense. But the few who get on my nerves just get on my nerves. I’m sorry to tell you but teachers are human. We sometimes can’t stand your kids when they act up in our classrooms.
We can’t spank them, we can’t even really discipline them outside of time outs and no recess and finally calling the parent. So it’s your job to teach your kids to respect the opinions and directions of older people, especially their teachers who are only there to help and well, teach. If that requires spanking, then I have no problem with it. If a talking-to will do, go ahead with that. Whatever works. It just makes my job that much more difficult when little Robbie or Mike or John won’t come in from recess because he doesn’t feel like it and Mommy says he can do whatever he wants.
As for Madonna, I think she’s a bit odd for continually trying to adopt from a country that clearly doesn’t want her adopting from there. It’s like she’s a child who will force her way into what she wants regardless of the consequences.
@Rena: You addressed me and i merely responded, which, last I checked, I didn’t have to be a moderator to do. So why are you foaming on me like a mad dog? Normally I would oblige to a game of mudslinging, but I don’t know you from a bar of soap ( I believe that goes both ways – although I really appreciate you stretch of the imagination), so I’d really hate to strain my brain to come up with creative personal attacks that have no barring on the subject of debate.
Also, I’m flattered that you think HushBrown and I are the same person, but sadly we are not.
@Porter/Wif: I agree. Spanking is not the only method that gets the fastest/best results. In fact, I hate how some parents choose it above verbally apprehension. For me, as I’ve mentioned countless times, spanking is the last resort. I first talk to my children, in which I explain why their behaviour is wrong. I even allow them to ask me questions to encourage an open debate so that they properly understand why the displayed behaviour is unacceptable (this is important for me because I don’t want my children to naturally assume that their action is only wrong because I, as their mother and grown-up, says it is wrong. They need to know why it is generally wrong). I even go as far as warn them that should they repeat the same ‘unacceptable behaviour’, they will get a spanking. A warning is a promise, my children know that. Luckily, my children respond very well to verbal warnings and I find that there is hardly a need to spank them. However, if they push their luck (which they have been known to do occasionally), mummy keeps to her promise. This method works for our family unit. And I think everyone should use the method that works best for them, as long as it is truly beneficial to the children’s upbringing.
And I’m glad to hear you have well behaved children. I would invite them over for a sleep-over, but sadly we have TWO dogs. They are very friendly and a bucket load of fun for children, but they are furry creatures nonetheless.
Foolish child. Doesn’t he know that his feelings are meaningless? Only Madonna’s needs and wants are important. Surely she’s taught him that much by now.
This is not unlike the discussions that followed the Chris Brown-Rihanna incident.
It seems simple and straightforward to me that what is considered assault or sexual interference when done between adult strangers, should not be allowed between lovers, friends, spouses or parents-children either.
How can you possibly argue that your intimate family/friend circle is entitled to less physical safety than total adult strangers?
You are simply trying to rationalize the abuse you experienced because you aren’t prepared to deal with what this means about your parents, and/or are trying to justify your own lack of self-control and parenting skills.
(1) Deal with your feelings about your childhood. (2) Learn behavioral modification parenting skills that don’t involve physical pain for your children. If you can’t afford counseling or courses, even Supernanny or Dr. Phil (fergawdsake) offer basic tips that don’t involve inflicting pain on your children.
If you spank them or hit them in any other way, your children will still love you, but they will never fully trust you or feel completely safe around you.
Moreover, Rena makes a very good point (among many): Those of you who think exerting control over your children with violence is OK would not like them to do the same to you when you regress to childlike behavior in old age.
Do you think they would be justified in similarly “training” your elderly, physically weaker, infirm, incontinent, confused old self in adequate behavior with hitting? I don’t think so.
Your violence is selfish, inconsiderate and self-serving.
Since this adoption is an open one, Madonna should establish means of communication between her adopted son and David’s biological father. It’s very touching to read that David had no clue on who his biological father is.