Kim Cattrall helped host Radio4’s Women’s Hour on the BBC this week, and the conversation turned to the everlasting war between parents and those who don’t have children. From what I have observed with my own friends, there’s so much judginess on both sides of the argument. Even when there isn’t a judgy attitude, both sides feel like the other is judging them, which makes things worse. I do have a kid, and I love her so much, but there are many days when it would be nice to have fewer parental responsibilities. So I perfectly understand why many women (those with or without careers) choose not to go there.

Cattrall spoke at length at those who place a stigma on women who don’t have kids (for whatever reason). She would prefer to be called “childfree” instead of “childless,” and she says her role as an aunt is just as maternal as any mother:

Her preferred term: “It’s the ‘less’ that is offensive – childless – it sounds like you’re ‘less’ because you haven’t had a child.”

She considers herself a mother: “I have young actors and actresses that I mentor, I have nieces and nephews that I am very close to so I think the thing that I find questionable about being childless or childfree is – are you really? There is a way to become a mother in this day and age that doesn’t include your name on the child’s birth certificate. You can express that maternal side very clearly, very strongly. I am a parent [too]. (She instead helped her niece though medical school and her nephew when he had a hard time joining the army.) “Those are very motherly things to do, very maternal things to do, very nurturing things to do, so I feel I am a mother of sorts.”

On deciding not to get pregnant: “I think for many women from my generation it wasn’t actually a conscious choice, it was a feeling of, ‘Well, I’m on this road, and things are going really well, and I’m very happy, and I’ll do it next year, I’ll do it in two years, I’ll do it in five years.” Later on, “I just thought, ‘I don’t know if I want it that much.’ I just believe, and have always believed since my 40s, that there are many different ways to be a mum.”

[From BBC – Radio4’s Women’s Hour]

I see why Cattrall takes such a strong stance in her “childfree” terminology. It probably does feel very freeing for many people to not have to worry about feeding, clothing, and taking tons of time to care for another human. Parenting is so hard, and anyone who doesn’t want to do it should never go there. In that vein, some people do want to become parents and cannot, so the use of “childless” also isn’t the most sensitive term to use. In a perfect world, everyone would stop worrying about everyone else’s lives, you know?

Photos courtesy of WENN