Ever since Gwyneth Paltrow started Gooping years ago, she’s done an annual Christmas/holiday gift guide around this time. The Goop Gift Guide has become a thing of legend at this point, because Gwyneth’s smug obliviousness always includes ridiculously overpriced gifts. For what it’s worth, I’m always more offended by Goop’s Seasonal Fashion guides, which is where she recommends literally thousands of dollars’ worth of trendy crap that people will only wear for a month or two. Anyway, last year’s Goop Gift Guide would have set people back $109,384. This year’s price tag for the whole list is much, much more – you can see the gift guide here at Goop. Some highlighted items that you’ll want to give your mother, brother-in-law and your boss:
$90,000 for the “Edge of Space Exploration” vacation package, which includes a trip to the Miraval Resort in Tucson.
$125,000 for 18-carat gold dumbbells from M’oda Operandi
$1,621.27 for The Darwin Sect’s illuminated jellyfish tank.
$2,300 for Just One Eye gilded playing cards
$956 for Joseph’s Toiletries toilet paper.
$244 for the Cedes Milano toothpaste squeezer.
$42 for the Canoe condom dispenser.
$40,000 for the Beolab 90 sound machine.
$46,000 for the Hermes mah-jong set.
I’ll give Gwyneth some credit, actually. This is the most organized Goop Gift Guide she’s ever done, and as I glanced through the list, I actually didn’t think that most of the stuff was balls-out ridiculous. I mean, is it still crazy-overpriced? Sure. Does she still look really out of touch? Yes. But if you look at it as escapism, it’s fun to browse through the lists.
Meanwhile, Gwyneth took part in a Fast Company Q&A/forum this week where Gwyneth previewed the gift guide. As it turns out, she was gleeful about the idea of pissing people off with her smug recommendations. As it turns out, Gwyneth is actively trolling us with her recommendations for $125,000 gold dumbbells and vadge steamings. Goop said:
She’s trolling us: “I think, in a media company, it’s good when people are talking about your content. Especially if you stand by your content: It’s not like we’re a gossip site, we’re not saying mean things—we have no negativity in the website at all. If we try a restaurant and we don’t like it, we just don’t add it. That’s part of our values—we believe in positivity and promoting, we don’t say anything bad… to get attention for our content is never a bad thing…. Sometimes we just like to have fun, and make fun of ourselves and put on [Goop.com] some ridiculous thing just to make ourselves laugh.”
The “Conscious Uncoupling” thing: “[It] broke the f–king Internet… At the time, I was like ‘Oh, my gosh.’ It was such a hard time personally, and then you have this added layer of all this criticism. You look back, you think, well, this is actually kind of a good thing to talk about, introducing [the idea that] you could break up in a way where you remain a family, even if you’re not in a couple. What would be that knock-on effect, on your children, on your community?”
“Conscious Uncoupling” did not “break the f—king internet.” You know what it did do? It broke her website. I remember that evening when she posted the message, Goop.com kept crashing. She broke her own website and then, because the world resolves around Gwyneth, she assumed that everyone was obsessed with her. As opposed to her site being poorly operated.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.
The delusions, the smugness….ugh
Meanwhile…. WHYPANTS?!
LOL!
Whew, mine is still working. 😄
Her dress looks like it’s on backwards.
Goopdelupe looks like a matronly hillbilly Gwen Stefani in that last pic.
good one!
I love that photo way more than I should.
Her hair looks better. I like the off center part and it doesn’t look so fried.
Was thinking the same thing! Also, the blonde doesn’t look so harsh?
Why is Goop dressed like Spanky from The Little Rascals in that last pic?.
Good Goopy she is insufferable!.
She may be dressed like Spanky but to me she’s totally an Alfalfa. And Chris Martin is Buckwheat.
OMG you actually made me laugh out loud with that comment!! 😂
Just in time. I needed a new $280 white tshirt
The condom canoe is pretty smart as your BC should be organized and hell, take it up a level and be stylish. But 42 dollars. Whaaaaaat.
I want the expensive toilet paper please??!!!!!!!
That one was the biggest WTF for me. It seems impossible.
It’s made from the skin of French babies.
Showed it to mum…she asked if it was for wiping gold-plated *sses. 😉
If you want a real laugh, go to the Joseph’s Toiletries website. For a Swiss company, they have that try-hard North Atlantic lingo down (dendritic new-growth virgin fibers!)
How have I survived all these years without this stuff!!?? I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt for once and assume she’s aiming it at her no doubt extremely rich circle of friends/fellow A-listers who could buy all this stuff without blinking…
So I looked at the Goop list, its comparable to the Instyle and Oprah’s Christmas list. Nice gift ideas, of course in cheaper versions. Ok, so maybe she only crashed her website, but when/where did Kim K break the internet, I must have missed that, was it a porn site?
Kim didn’t break the internet either. It was a picture of her all plastic, overblown, fake and nude on the cover of Paper (what?) magazine. I think the headline was “Kim breaks the internet” or similar.
I think it’s fair to say that it “broke the internet,” although I do completely hate that phrase. We were all talking about it, and still do. Now, where’s my $244 toothpaste squeezer. My hands just aren’t good enough.
I do, too. Everyone was talking about it/ridiculing it/satirizing it.
No, actually it didn’t. Goopy has a very inflated vision of herself. But i do want that toilet paper.
I am FOR REAL thankful that I don’t have the disease of materialism running through my mind. My playing cards cost $3 at CVS, and guess what? They bring my husband and me so much joy and fun at our secondhand (gasp! So plebeian!) dining table in the evenings.
This lady’s idea of happiness is sad to me. I know she said she’s poking fun at herself, but she’s also admittedly promoting some of the worst examples of a wage disparity and lifestyle disparity among people, in a modern world where hunger is rampant. It’s not funny, Gwennie honey. It’s sad.
And oh my lord is she ever smug. Thanks for letting the world know that couples can split up peaceably and coparent with love and care. Because nobody ever did that before, Goooy here in the nightmarish blue pants just invented it recently.
I always have a soft spot somewhere deep down, because I was a teen in the 90s, but damn she makes it hard to like her at all anymore.
Well said.
Patricia: You nailed it. I can barely watch a film when she’s in it because of who she has become (or always was) in real life (sniff, sniff, I know, sad).
Even if she did not almost break the internet, she really did accomplished something on the internet for the ‘conscious uncoupling’ thing. I remember it was all the media could talk about for daayyss and the phrase creeps into the modern lexicon, became memes, made fun of, dissected by ‘experts’ etc.
Gwyn comes across as smug, entitled, sheltered rich, white, blonde bubble. But I actually love the fact that she owns it. I think she now has realized how she is perceived by the commoners, and as a result, she became sarcastic in her answers and made fun of herself.
I think I get her now. And I don’t hate her at all. Mostly, she just amuse me, the casual pop culture observer. Oh that Gwyneth and her 125k dumb bells *chuckles*
For God’s sake, who decided to make culottes a thing that actually exists? If they make even Goop look like she has cankles, what hope is there for mere mortals?
How much would it cost to remove the stick that’s up her ass? Pretentious b***h.
Smug is exactly what she is.
She is just too proud of herself all the time.
“As opposed to her site being poorly operated.” Haaaaa.
Tiffany’s has a set of playing cards, I think for maybe 50-100$. They’re pretty.
Is she trying to tell us “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” wtfever
You wish!
GOOP – Get Over (yourself, you) Obnoxious Pretentious idiot.
Terms I would dearly love to have retired/banned. Break the internet, Life hack, curated whatever, on fleek and bae.
Can somebody make it so I never see/ hear/read these words again.
Ha, great list. “Hack” is one that really, really bugs me. Who even coined that crap?
Plz add “trainwreck”
It’s been overused since at least 2006
I am with you on every single one of them.
Ashton Kutcher is probably going to buy out all the Ulysses Survival Travel Pack 12,000 dollar things. Also, why would one want a ball and chain?
This article is proof that (1) if you’re narcissistic enough, even bad press will feed your ego, and (2) being rail thin does not mean you will “look good in anything.”
This is really easy… Nothing has “broken the Internet”… Ever. When something crashes Google maybe we’ll talk.
Well, actually, some years ago there was a worm that broke the Internet. Can’t remember the date but vividly remember that day. My computer wasn’t affected, but the net sure was. I had delivered an urgent job early in the day via e-mail. A few hours later, got a panicked call from the project manager asking where the heck it was. I tried resending. No luck. We tried many resends and multiple accounts. Finally got through to his personal home account. For weeks afterward, e-mail was seriously delayed (often by days, even weeks). Another job that had been e-mailed in that period never reached its destination either, although the project manager was more lackadaisical and took an astonishingly long time before contacting me. A lot of e-mail simply disappeared into the void. Servers were so overloaded. I had paid a credit card bill online at the credit card’s own site, then got an overdue notice weeks later. I called about it and when they tried again, the payment went through. We figured that the huge delays on the net during communication with my bank were interpreted by their computer as a decline (or my bank may never have received the request). Yes, the banks get messed up by viruses and worms, too.
Anyway, that’s what breaking the Internet really involves. A naked Kim Kardashian or a consciously uncoupled Goop does not break the Internet.
The delusion is great with this one
Since Goop coined the phrase “Uncoupling” many divorce attorneys around me advertise that they specialize in uncoupling and divorce seminars for women advertise” on how to uncouple.”
Interesting. I never found the Goop site offensive. At all. I love Goop’s ridiculously expensive Xmas gift ideas. I couldn’t in a million years buy one single item but that yearly list has given me a few chuckles…especially the silly peacock gift idea a while back. I can’t afford anything on that site but I still like it. I do however, find Gwyneth herself offensive. Her personal comments about working women, never eating a french fry etc. just makes her an ogre. But I will still peruse Goop just for laughs and sometimes a few good ideas.
I know. How can one be offended by a gift guide? No one’s saying YOU MUST BUY THIS. Just don’t buy it. I’ve never been able to afford going to a hair salon, but must I get offended because many people go there and spend $300?
Her clothing, however, in that last picture is an assault on my eyeballs that has burned itself into my retinas and will never be unseen.
No one has broken the internet yet for my standards lol . Get over yourselves. First Kim now her
Goop & KimK have morphed into the same person actually
Really? With income disparity being the main topic on the world stage right now? Hey etch Paltrow’s Narcissistic materialism on display is just, just,….disgusting. I despise that woman now.
Income inequality being brought to the world’s attention and we still have to put up with her narcissistic materialism? Yuk. She disgusts me.
Neiman-Marcus did it first. And better. Without pretentions to ‘deep thinking.’
+1000. I love browsing the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. They have some truly outrageous WTF things (excuse me, “experiences”), but also some relatively inexpensive gifts. It is just fun to fantasize a bit. Her GOOPiness just takes herself way to seriously.
I don’t suppose it would ever occur to her that the only reason “conscious uncoupling” got so much attention was that millions of people were laughing at her.
her ruined marriage ‘broke the f***ing internet’.
???
this woman is stupid beyond imagination. she should not be granted custody of her kids.
Bwahaha.. this coming from a woman who does not wear deodorant/antiperspirant.
Who cant complete a food stamp challenge as its too hard.
Who has never known what a bad day actually is.
Who lets her personal trainer, Janice from the Muppets, tell the world her ass was too low.