NASA has given Stephen Colbert the big, cold, hard shaft. Colbert, with the considerable help of “The Colbert Nation”, won NASA’s International Space Station node-naming contest fair and square, but NASA isn’t going to name the node after him. An astronaut, Sunita Williams, came on The Colbert Report Tuesday night to tell Colbert of the compromise NASA worked out.

Williams told Colbert that he will have a space treadmill named after him instead of the new node. The treadmill’s name is an acronym – the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill. The new node will be called Tranquility, the obvious second choice of “the people”. Colbert seemed happy with the compromise, though, saying, “I think a treadmill is better than a node … because the node is just a box for the treadmill.” CNN has more:

What do you do when you’re NASA and comedian Stephen Colbert wins your contest to name the new wing for the International Space Station? You name an orbital exercise machine after him.

The Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill, or COLBERT, is expected to keep astronauts in shape. With the help of a legion of fans, Colbert got the most votes in the space agency’s online poll soliciting names for Node 3, which will be called Tranquility after the Sea of Tranquility, where Apollo 11 landed on the moon.

Astronaut Sunita “Suni” Williams revealed NASA’s decision on “The Colbert Report,” which aired on Comedy Central on Tuesday.

“Your name will be in space, in a very important place,” Williams said as Colbert reacted in mock disgust to her announcement of the node’s new name.

“I think a treadmill is better than a node … because the node is just a box for the treadmill,” Colbert deadpanned. “Nobody says, ‘Hey, my mom bought me a Nike box.’ They want the shoes that are inside.”

Colbert’s campaign generated welcome attention for the oft-forgotten International Space Station, but it also presented a dilemma for NASA. The contest rules spelled out that NASA reserves the right to “ultimately select a name in accordance with the best interests of the agency. … Such name may not necessarily be one which is on the list of voted-on candidate names.”

The runner-up name to Stephen Colbert was Serenity, which was more in line with the names of the other nodes. Harmony, the name given Node 2, was chosen by a poll of kindergartners in 2007. The publicity caused by Colbert’s interest in Node 3 turned out well for the space agency.

“This spread overall awareness of the International Space Station,” said Bill Gerstenmaier, NASA’s associate administrator for Space Operations, who has appeared on Colbert’s show. NASA changed its plan to announce the new name at the end of April at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida when Colbert’s producers invited them to do it on their show, the space agency said.

Pennsylvania Congressman Chaka Fattah, who stepped in the naming fray in March, when he said Colbert had won the naming contest fair and square, called the decision a good compromise.

It’s “one small step for NASA and a giant step for the Colbert nation,” the congressman said, playing off Neil Armstrong’s line when he first set foot on the moon in 1969.

[From CNN]

I really don’t understand why NASA couldn’t name the damn node after Colbert. What’s the big deal? He earned it, by bringing renewed interest to the space program, plus he won the online contest. Not only that, but a respected congressman had Colbert’s back! Colbert could have fought long and hard!

Even though Colbert plays the arrogant jerk, he really acted like a gentleman by accepting NASA’s compromise. He could have easily stuck it out and shamed NASA into naming the node after him. Although it is pretty cool that NASA came up with a new, fancy acronym for the space treadmill. NASA should market that treadmill to civilians – I would love to work out on the COLBERT.

Here’s Stephen Colbert in New York in 2007. Images thanks to WENN.com .