I’m just going to keep reusing these photos of Gwyneth Paltrow, mmkay? I will never stop using these pics of Gwyneth in her ill-fitting Emilia Wickstead onesie. It’s perfect. Anyway, as we know by now, Gwyneth talks out of her ass whenever she talks about beauty, styling, hair or makeup. She’s been famous for a long time, and she’s been a rich elitist all her life. She’s never had to learn how to do her own hair and makeup and it shows, in event after event. She’s stuck in the ‘90s, her hey-day, for nearly everything. She still flat-irons her hair with a center part and thinks orange skin is high-fashion. Anyway, Gwyneth did a “day in the life” piece for Into the Gloss, and there were some typical Goop asides about how clueless she is about skincare, hair and makeup. Keep in mind: she spoke to Into the Gloss because she’s shilling for her Goop makeup collaboration with Juice Beauty!! She’s shilling for her own products throughout the piece, so you can read the whole infomercial here. Highlights:

Sweating in the morning: “My beauty routine starts with exercise in the morning. I do an hour of dancing every day—I’m a lifelong Tracy Anderson member. I wake up at 6:30am every day and I get my kids ready, take them to school, and then I go straight to the gym for an 8am cardio class. It’s key to get a good sweat every day. I think that’s an important foundation for a skincare routine. So I work out and then I wash my face in the shower, just with water.”

She’s not good with makeup: “I’m not very good at putting on makeup, which is, I think, a result of having had my makeup done for 20-plus years. But now I can do the foundation, a little cheek, and some mascara. Luckily I have my own foundation color because I helped develop it.”

Her hair: “My hair has three different textures—coarse, damaged, dry blond hair. It’s my nightmare. To wash it, I really like the Shu Uemura Ultimate Remedy Shampoo and Conditioner. And then…‘style’ is probably a broad term for what I do to it after I wash. I just air dry it and then put an oil in. There’s a Spanish oil I like called Orofluido, or I’ll use the Rodin by Recine Luxury Hair Oil. It’s very wavy, so if I have to go out, I’ll use Harry Josh’s flatiron on the underneath. But I leave the top as it is.

She’s constantly bathing: “I shower after the gym and scrub, and then at night I always take a hot bath at the end of the day. There’s this line out of England called Ila—they’re insane. They make the most incredible set of essential oils that I’ve ever used, and they’re named after all of the elements. So for my bath, I’ll put in some essential oils and then epsom salt from the drugstore. And then I moisturize…Tammy Fender’s Bulgarian Lavender Body Oil, I love. I’m very into oils for my skin. But I have to put them on dry, I can’t put them on wet. I can be a little dewy, but not wet.”

[From Into the Gloss]

CB knows more about makeup than me, and she always says that Gwyneth has some of the worst makeup jobs in the industry. I know hair pretty well, and I think Gwyneth has some of the worst hair in the industry. So it just kills me a little that Gwyneth thinks she’s enough of an expert to really talk about this kind of stuff. I don’t even believe Gwyneth has “three different textures” – I think she naturally has coarse, wavy dark hair and she’s been bleaching the crap out of it for so long, her hair has turned to unmanageable straw, but even that look would be better than her flat-ironed look. I also think it’s gross to not wash your face with soap after a workout.

Photos courtesy of WENN.
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