Earlier this week, gossip was so slow and I did what I always do when there’s nothing scandalous to discuss: I said a small prayer for some big couple to announce their split. Well, I got my wish, didn’t I? I should probably only use my powers for good, but then we would have nothing to discuss. Anyway, another story about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, because that’s the biggest gossip around these days. Lainey at LaineyGossip says that Depp and Heard were having trouble soon after their February 2015 wedding, that within a few months Johnny already knew he made a huge mistake. Page Six says the same thing this morning – that after three months of marriage, Johnny and Amber were already on the outs. So rock n’ roll.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s May-December marriage was on the rocks after just three months, sources exclusively tell Page Six — but the starry couple agreed to give their shaky union a year before calling it quits. Depp, 52, and Heard, 30, tied the knot in February of last year, but by May it was all but over, we hear. They decided to give themselves “a year” in hopes of patching things up and avoiding the embarrassment of a three-month marriage.

Sources close to the former couple told Page Six that grizzled star Depp quickly grew tired of Heard’s enchantment with Hollywood glitz. “Their relationship turned sour almost immediately. She’s really young and affected by the industry and ‘the scene’ at times,” said an insider, adding, “Don’t get me wrong; she’s a cool chick, but Johnny doesn’t tolerate that.”

We’re told Heard’s bisexual past also proved a problem. By Heard’s birthday in April last year, “she went to meet him to work on damage control,” we’re told, because her close friendship with photographer Io Tillett Wright, an activist in the gay and lesbian community, was causing drama in their marriage. We were told back then that Depp “doesn’t like Io” and believed they “were spending too much time together for it to be comfortable.” Wright was staying in Depp’s guest house and moved out.

“He started making her travel with him,” said an insider of Depp and Heard, “and she started distancing herself from her lesbian friends.”

The debacle with her dogs also helped sink the relationship. During an April 2015 trip in to Australia, when Depp was shooting “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales,” Heard was infamously charged with illegally bringing along two terriers, Pistol and Boo — a drama that ended with a much-mocked video in which the couple awkwardly apologized. “[It] made him look so stupid and it was her fault,” sniffed another source.

Meanwhile, hard-partying and-working Depp is beginning to show his age. Another insider said, “Amber was like, ‘What am I doing with this old man who used to look like Johnny Depp?’ ”

[From Page Six]

Wow, that’s a lot to unpack. Amber was too close to her gay and bisexual friends and Johnny hated that. I hate this idea that just because Amber is bisexual, she was cheating on Johnny with ladies. But… was she cheating on him with ladies? We don’t know. As for the “Amber is a super-cool girl but she was also obsessed with Hollywood glitz” thing, I’m reading that as “she wanted Johnny to use his connections to get her more work,” because that’s how it seemed. And the dog thing? Was it all her fault? Sort of.

People Magazine also has a story about Johnny making a special trip to Paris a few weeks ago just to see Lily-Rose and presumably give her a heads-up about the divorce. Interestingly enough, People also mentions that Vanessa Paradis and Johnny are “still close” and one insider says: “They’re very close and Vanessa thinks of Johnny as the love of her life.” Like, is this quote supposed to make us think that Johnny and Vanessa will get back together? Because I doubt it. I doubt it on Vanessa’s side – I think she moved on a long time ago.

photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.