In past fashion/magazine posts about Priyanka Chopra, I always note that I think Priyanka is very pretty. That’s true, I do think she’s pretty. But I usually think her styling is off, or her makeup sucks, or magazine editors don’t know what to do with her. There’s usually something wrong. But this InStyle cover is GORGEOUS. Priyanka looks breathtakingly beautiful here, in this Gucci gown. Also shocking: the interview is pretty good too. Some highlights:
Her go-to uniform of jeans & sneakers is still pretty posh: “I shop at high-end stores, but I wear the pieces like they’re from the street. Success should always be worn like a T-shirt, not a tuxedo. That’s when it’s fun. The same is true of fashion. If you’re not comfortable, you’ll never look confident. If you’re not confident, you’re never going to be sexy.”
What makes her feel comfortable & sexy: “I pretty much dress like a boy when I can.”
She’s determined & focused in her love life as in her career: “I’ll stay single until I’m married. I’ve always believed that. I want to be with somebody who has drive but doesn’t take himself too seriously. I don’t like people who are caged within how life should be. Life is transient, and it’s a journey, and I want to be with somebody who can see that.”
Dating versus courting: “I’ve never dated. I’ve always been in relationships. It’s very different [in India]. You like someone, you court each other, you get into a relationship. You’re answerable to each other. Whereas the nonanswerability of dating, my god, I don’t know if I would ever be able to. I’ve never done it, so I don’t know.”
Don’t use the term ‘Bollywood’: “I don’t like the word, because we’re not a miniature Hollywood. We are the Indian film industry, one of the most prolific producers in the world…It’s a ginormous business. We are artists, people who know our jobs. You can put me in front of a camera anywhere in the world and I’ll hit my mark and say my lines and give the director what he wants. I can break out into song and dance as well. I’m kick-ass at that too. That makes me a triple threat, not a stereotype.”
I understand what she’s saying about courting versus dating, and I have Indian cousins like that too. Some of my cousins even willingly let their parents arrange their marriages as well. True story: I have one cousin who is in an arranged marriage who is very, very happy. He and his wife adore each other and get along very well. Another cousin fell in love with a coworker and they courted/were in a relationship for a short time before getting married, in what we would think of as a modern romance. The marriage was over in just a few months when she cheated on him. It was an amazing scandal in my family, and it became a cautionary tale: don’t let 20-somethings choose their spouses. Hand to God (or Hand to Durga, whatever). As for Priyanka, my guess is that even though she’s 33 years old, she’s probably only been in a few relationships and all of them were with men her family approved of or even set her up with.
Photos courtesy of InStyle.
That sounds really boring to me. I’m pretty young (23) but I can’t imagine settling down before I’ve dated/hooked up with a lot of different guys, just to know what I like and want in a relationship. I do realize everybody is diffrent though.
And yes, she is breath-takingly pretty.
I am 22 and my mother is Indian but whose family live in US and never have i heard of anyone getting their marriage arranged. Maybe, it is a cultural thing, which sounds strange to me. I would date a lot before getting married, though.
Happy independence day to all the American friends here.
All my colleagues from India are in areanged marriages by the time they finished college. But they are happy.
My former roommate dated an Indian girl that never told her family about him (because he is not Indian) and she even showed him a book/catalogue of photos of guys her family want her to marry.
So, it does happen here. It is just not talked about much.
My great-aunt got an arranged marriage. As my aunt (her daughter) said: Arranged marriage have the same rate of success as love marriage. And maybe more as expectations are clearly stated.
I was a teacher in a very educated town, and one of my students who grew up here nevertheless accepted happily that her family would arrange her marriage. They feel it’s a union of families, and my former student seems to have a great, realistic attitude. I’ve learned a lot from our discussions!
@Oopsiedaisy
Define success. It figures that someone who married a person just cause their family chose them would not divorce them easily even if there was trouble.
I’m also 23, and while arranged marriages sound horrible ( they haven’t been a thing here for about a century), the lack of stability in modern dating is so exhausting. I’m more of a relationship type, I don’t want to hook up or date multiple people, and the whole “are we, are we not” type of dating which is more and more common these days is so annoying.
I am 52 and never dated.I was alway’s a long term and serious relationship kind of person.
I’m 26, and I’m married to the same guy I started dating in 9th grade. I went to college, and went out and partied, and had fun, but he’s the one thing in my life that’s been a constant. It’s DEFINITELY not for everyone – and it wasn’t a case of me TRYING to settle down with the guy I started dating in my teens – but it happened, and we’re both incredibly happy. Listening to my friends deal with dating issues, and idiots always makes me feel pretty happy with my choices, though I can see why it would have been fun.
Erinn: I think that’s really romantic–being married to the man you began dating in high school! My aunt and uncle knew each other since they were both 8, and he asked her to marry him (someday, once they grew up) the very first time they met! She dated other people throughout high school and college–casual dating–but remained quite close w him throughout that time—and then at last, when he asked to marry her again (for like the 17th time!) she said yes. They’ve been happily married for almost 55 years.
She is stunning here. My sense of arranged marriages in this era is that the couple is introduced, then date and get to know each other and then decide on marriage. So it’s more like parents as matchmakers than what Americans tend to envision, which is a couple meeting on their wedding day. At least this is true of the couples I know who were arranged marriages.
I find dating and hooking up exhausting. The beginning of a relationship is always traumatic for me, since I’ m shy and not particularly social, but it’ s more tolerable if I get something from that, and it’ s more tolerable if I have to do it only for people I actually like. I consider it a selection. Hooking up ’’for fun’’ is an alien concept for me. I’ m not saying that I expect everyone I go out with to be my husband, and I have no problem breaking up if it doesn’ t work or I realize the person in question just doesn’ t do it for me or turns out to be an asshole, but I want something more meaningful than a one night stand. I don’ t think I can learn what I want from that, but I can learn what I want and don’ t want if I am with someone for longer periods of time.
There’s nothing wrong with that. One night stands, or sleeping together on the first date aren’t for me, either. Sex is very intimate and it doesn’t feel right to be intimate with someone I just met. I’m not judging people who are fine with that, it’s just not for me.
Oh, me neither, I think there’ s nothing wrong with hooking up, in fact there are times in which I wish I could do it. I like sex, but I don’ t like people very much, and my dislike for people is stronger than my love for sex. It doesn’ t necessarily need to be a years long relationship, it doesn’ t take me that long to be fine with someone, but I do need some time to relax and come out of my shell around people, and when I do, I have zero problems with intimacy. That’ s why I consider one nights stands exhausting and a waste of time… you do that to have sex without complications and you expect sexual gratification, but if you are already complicating stuff and are too freaked out and nervous to get an orgasm, there’ s just no point in doing it.
Lol, exactly. Plus, the next morning is just awkward.
Sitting in this corner. I’ve never “dated” either (how do you define “dating” anyway). I met my husband when I was 16, we hung out and got to know each other as friends (no sex). We’ve been together since I was 17, got married at 23 and I’m turning 30 at the end of the month. So yeah, I wouldn’t even know how to “date” if anything happened between us and we were no longer together.
This! absolutely this! I will learn your comment word by word as it expresses perfectly how I feel about dating or getting to koww someone solely in the perspective of getting married.
I’m from North Africa, and people don’t get me on that subject, as for our society you are one of two women: a woman of virtue that will have couple of drinks (soft only) with the guy and then tehy will get engaged and marry, or a slut that sleeps with men.
I try to explain that I am neither, I don’t wanna marry after 2 months and I enjoy having sex, though not with random hook-ups. I want a full fledged relationship (physical and emotional), if it leads to marriage ok, if it doesn’t, well at least I had that.
The “you either hook up or you want to get married as soon as possible” thing happens to me, too. I honestly don’ t know why people can’ t understand that there is a great range of things in between. When I say I don’ t really want to hook up, everyone immediately assumes I’ m some kind of deeply religious, romantic virgin who is waiting for the white knight and dreams of becoming a wife… I am nothing like that. At all.
I don’ t even want to get married, and I am so cynical that romanticism makes me snicker instead of finding it heartwarming. I do like the idea of sharing my life with someone, but I am very picky, as everyone should be, when it comes to relationships, and I just think that sleeping around with people I barely know and then promptly forget is not enlightening… I’ m sure it’ s funny for some people, and I envy them, but like everything else, if it’ s not for you, it’ s not for you.
I’ m like that for platonic relationships, too. I don’ t see the point of having 1000 friends when you don’ t care about 975 of them.
As I said before, you translate my thoughts in word better than I could have done myself.
Pitty I am 100% heterosexual, otherwise I would have suggested that we get into a “non hookup not for sure ever after” relationship 😉
🙂
Edit: my comment is to JWQ. I hit the reply button on your comment but that didnt work.
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You and I are so much alike. I agree with every sentence you have type (even in your replies to others) and its so assuring to know I’m not ‘weird’. You worded my perspective better than I could have myself. I especially agree with (and will always remember) where you say that you like sex but don’t like people very much and that your dislike for people supersedes yoyr love for sex or along those lines, ME TOO!!!!!
This is how I’ve felt for so long but have struggled to understand myself and why I feel the way I feel. I have a healthy sexual appetite (I’d appreciate a sexier way of saying that), but will rather die in the agony of need than give it up just like that. I’m equally too shy and mortified to talk to people I like so its difficult for me. It can affect my confidence, but….Sometimes I get the “looks” from girls, but though I’ve never gone there, I’m starting to sense a growing attraction there. I don’t know….its all too much to think of sometimes.
Nonetheless I feel a lot better knowing there’s someone like me out there who stands by her principles regardless. I know I’ll be back to read your comments repeatedly because they help a lot. Thank you <3 <3 <3
You’ re really nice, and if my words help you, I’ m glad to hear it.
And maybe we really are weird, but as GNAT said, there’ s nothing wrong in feeling this way. We’ re not hurting anyone, and we’ re just deciding what to do with our lives. There’ s no such a thing as a universal process to go through these experiences, and whether you’ ll change your ways or not, just do what you feel. I don’ t think we can take wrong decisions, in this particular context, unless we do something just to please others: if it’ s what YOU want, it’ s right.
She is breathtaking. I think arranged marriages should be outlawed, or at least carefully monitored, because the happy stories of the delighted couples who stayed married for a hundred years are the tip of a very ugly iceberg where underage girls are sold to families to be wife/servant and are raped by their new “husband” with no recourse, then considered “ruined” if they manage to get out of the marriage or discarded for infertility. It’s a barbaric “custom” that needs to end.
GNAT, won’t disagree with you there. A lot of arranged marriages still work like that and India still has disturbing rates of child marriage, domestic abuse and marriages where female partners have little agency. However, in most urban, semi-urban areas, arrange marriages are now basically a process where couples are introduced by parents. They get to know each other for a while and if things work out, they get married. It’s the same with arranged marriage websites. People ready for marriage sign themselves up and if things go right, families meet and things proceed forward. In the modern context, the only difference between arranged marriage and dating is that when people court in the former, they both have expectations that the other will be in the process with the intention of marriage and selling down, as opposed to dating where partners might look for something else. Not saying that things are perfect – far from. However, it is important to bear in mind that for a lot of young people on India, arranged marriage is a completely different process than what it was for their parents.
That’s good to know, and I thank you for the input. I just don’t like to see a tradition glamorized that hurts so many women. I agree with you that it can be harmless and even helpful if handled in the way you describe, but the horrors of the other side of the coin shouldn’t be brushed under the rug. I know you aren’t trying to do that all, nor is the writer here, but people should be aware of the abuses going on and work to stop them.
Wouldn’t you say child marriages should be outlawed? Why ALL arranged marriages? That’s ignorant. No offense.
You’re right. It is very ignorant.
There are adult women who are forced in arranged marriages, not just children.
That’ s what she meant, that while there are couples that started like that, there are also lots of couples when one of them, usually the wife, is forced into submission without giving her the choice of deciding for her life, and from that, sexual obligations and a life of basically enslavement ensue.
When arranged marriages work like dating sites, where parents introduce their children to eligible partners and then the children decide what to do, then it’ s not an arranged marriage, and the name should be changed. The term ”arranged marriage” should be exclusive to parents who force their children into a union they probably don’ t want and are unhappy with, and in that case, it’ s a violation of basic human rights, and there’ s nothing ignorant in wanting it to be declared illegal.
You are getting forced marriages confused with arranged marriages. And you sound very ignorant by doing it.
Pls keep in mind that even when arranged marriage is not being forced upon participants, the limitation lies within “profiling” (race, income, education etc) before spontaneous romance happens. You can argue that everyone knows the deal so they can proceed, but it basically boils down to putting a comparability list above real-experiences. Plus happy marriage or not you will NEVER know in Asian societues because no one will air out their dirty laundry even to family because saving face is above all else.
I am of Indian origin and nearly all my family have had arranged marriages and they are happy. Most of my friends raised in western society are having arranged marriages willingly. We are not stupid enough to think spontaneous love happens after, so please don’t attack a custom just because you don’t understand it.
And to say that Asian women will never speak up when unhappy is insulting. That’s your perception of us and its wrong.
@ DYANMOON
I get you don’t like the way opinions are worded or the opinions themselves, but you have to realise that people have formed perspectives based on experiences around them, in the news, stories shared, and whilst that is not first hand experience, I think there are better ways of delivering your response than calling some ignorant in the first instance. You can educate/ correct without insulting.
My close friend at work is a firm believer in arranged marriage, it sorta works for her in that she is doing it because it is the thing to so, her husband ( Indian too) finds her too traditionally minded and looks stressed always. Only married 18 months and she is panicked about not yet being pregnant, he isn’t bothered, he tells me financially he isn’t ready, so it won’t happen.
My point it, we all have different views and I firmly believe we are all right, but theres no need to insult anyone with a different view to yours.
One of my friends runs a marriage website aimed at Asians. It’s considered to be one of the most successful site of this nature. Not just in terms of traffic, but in terms of marriages that result from people who have used it.
There is a very distinct difference between arranged and forced marriages, and i think you are confusing the two.
There is also a point about child marriages which applies even in the west except we’ve reached enforced legislation faster than some continents and cultures, and that isn’t the same thing as arranged marriages.
There is an intersection of all 3 types of marriages and i pity those people who fall in that intersection, but whilst forced and child marriages are truly evil, arranged marriages are for the most part a good thing and not the evil thing of popular imagination.
Love what she said about Bollywood, it was a great response. I kind of understand what she thinks of dating because I feel the same, it’s so exhausting! I enjoy being single and I have had a couple of longish- term relationships, but the whole dating thing makes me so tired just at the thought of it.
I guess by “dating” you mean going out with several different people at once? How do you get into a relationship with someone if you don’t date them first? That part of her story made no sense to me.
Yes exactly. Casual dating is a better term,I guess.
Non-native English speaker here: What is the difference between “dating” and “being in a relationship” (not marriage). I always thought that though it sounds stupid (when you are already living with your partner you are not “dating”, in my opinion) it was being used synonymous, i.e. “they were dating for 3 years before they got married”.
Dating is both used for long relationships and for casually hooking up from time to time with different people or even going out with more than one person at the same time (as long as they know and are in the same position, if they think you are serious and you are not, it’ s cheating).
To me, dating is two people with a romantic interest in one another going out (or staying in) together but without an official commitment. So you can date someone for three years, then become engaged to them. Dating someone can be casual, as in nonexclusive, or it can be serious, as headed towards commitment. I didn’t think her comment made any sense from the American use of the word dating. How do you get in a relationship without dating? Hi, I’m your fiancé?
A loft of Hollywood actresses claim to have never been on a date. I could have sworn Sienna Miller said she had never been taken out on a date in her life (maybe I read it on this site), despite having been in relationships with a couple of married guys. I think Hollywood might have a different definition of dating (which I don’t really understand, if I’m honest).
Agree, perplexed. How do you get in a relationship, then? And do you get in a relationship with everyone you don’t date? Lol, I r confused.
I don’t get it either. To me if you are dating you’re exclusive. Any time I’ve said I’ve dated someone it meant they were my boyfriend.
I get what she’s saying. I’ve never dated either, and I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 16. Idk, I don’t feel like finding anyone else. It’s probably part of my east-malaysian culture where casual dating and hook-ups are unheard of.
Meh – I’m the same, and we’re Canadian. I honestly have never felt the need to find anyone else – I’m super happy, he’s super happy, why bother? We just happened to randomly find the right person early on, I guess.
“That makes me a triple threat, not a stereotype.”
AWESOME. She is gorgeous, and this interview is perfect. You tell them!
Also, my partner has several close Indian friends (mostly born in the States, but parents immigrated). We’re all in our late 20s, and a few (all guys) have already married and had kids with women their families picked. A few more (all women) are still single because their parents will only approve of partners with the same last name/region of origin. ALL of their parents have arranged marriages. Until these friendships, I assumed arranged marriage was a dated, oppressive, and patriarchal concept… and I guess it still is, but I don’t make assumptions anymore about couples who didn’t meet by chance. My frustrated friends want a say in their future but want to please their parents more, and they’re women nearing 30, so I really don’t envy the immense pressure to “find a man” — and not just any man, either. But as Kaiser said, there are many modern-day examples of successful arranged marriages… and disastrous marriages by choice. I’m glad Priyanka is talking about her experiences; it may help some Americans reevaluate their stereotypes. But GNAT is right; too many victims to normalize it forever. I hope, just as my friends hope, that the custom evolves. But for their immigrant parents, it’s one way to cling to their culture… and I sympathize, even as their daughters are sidelined and robbed of autonomy. As an American, I can’t know exactly what that balancing act must feel like.
I have an uncle who lives in the states with his wife( American) they have two sons and one of them married to a woman of color, she is breathtakingly beautiful. They met in a bar no less.
The actress is confusing dating with sex. When you are in a relationship, you are officially dating that person.
I look at dating as going out w someone for a while w no exclusivity attached: both can go out w other people, also. A “relationship”, in contrast, would be one where the pairing off has becomes monogamous, where you are exclusively with only one person. By that definition, I’ve “dated” fairly little, and have had only 4 actual relationships–including my current marriage…..I’m not sure I care for Priyanka much in this interview. She certainly has little evident humility—nor, for that matter (though to be fair, I’ve seen her acting only twice) does she possess an abundance of actual talent. Also, while I think she is indeed pretty, there are *so* many prettier Indian actresses, that I’m not quite sure what the excitement over her is all about.
Would courting include something like talking, sharing a coffee, etc.? Then you decide to see each other exclusively in a relationship? That sounds like dating.
That is dating she and some other posters most be using a different term then what we knows dating to mean.
Whenever an actress says they haven’t dated, I assume they mean haven’t “hooked up” or don’t do casual dating.
If someone has been in a relationship, I assume whatever goes on during that relationship would probably count as a form of dating.
Yes that’s what she means.
So you think all Indians only date men approved by their parents? That’s pretty stupid. Priyanka’s allegedly had affairs with quite a few Bollywood actors. Look it up.
I have to admit I didn’t get why anyone would assume her parents picked her relationships for her. The fact that she’s been able to have more than one relationship in her life makes me think her parents didn’t pick out her suitors.
When she says she hasn’t dated, I figured she meant that she doesn’t do “hook-ups”, not that she’s some lady stuck in a tower denied the chance to to see men in the outside world.
Hey, a long term lurker here. Just wanted to clear up a few things and give a first person perspective.
I am a 32 year old Indian woman, an accountant by profession, with a succesful career etc etc blah blah blah… Arranged marriages in India are different among different classes, strata of society, economic backgrounds etc etc.. You do have instances where people “sell” their daughters, force them into marriage, take away their right to choose (not that they had much of a right to begin with). But there are also instances where the parents introduce you to an “eligible” partner. You get to know each other for some time and then get engaged. Like some previous commenters said, it’s like a modernised version.
I myself had one such marriage. We’ve been together 8 years, have a beautiful little boy and it’s been the best decision i’ve ever made. That said, it was MY decision to marry. My family only facilitated it. It works very well for millons of young Indians. We do not look down on it, or call it an outdated and “dangerous” tradition. It’s treated at par with modern dating and relationship and remains an intrinsic part of our culture. I hope I’ve been able to provide a little insight into my culture and traditions.
P.S Priyanka has been in a string of relationships with prominent Indian actors. The main problem why she’s been “unlucky in love” till now….They were all married men. The last relationship became a fiasco where she was ostracised (as per rumours) by a section of the film industry who are friends with the actor’s wife. Of course, no one bothered to call out the man for his actions………
Thanks for posting. Helps clear up the confusion 😃
TUA, I’m really loving your post. Thanks for the info and clarifications!
And the fact she used a quote he has often used about success as t-shirts vs tuxedos (in his case he also uses the same analogy for fame) seems rather bold. Unless it is so familiar she doesn’t realise it?
I didn’t know much about Priyanka before reading this but she seems pretty cool, I admire her confidente. And yes, she’s a beauty. It didn’t really occur to me that she might have only had arranged relationships until you mentioned it, though.
And now for some gossip! In her long & glitzy years as a Bollywood leading lady, Priyanka’s earned quite a rep as ‘the other woman’ in high profile Bollywood marriages. The first story broke when her vindictive ex-manager spilled the tea about her steamy on-set affair with Akshay Kumar (who’s married into a prominent film family). It got dirrrty when phone records were leaked to the press! And the second (and more recent) one was with Shah Rukh Khan, arguably the biggest star in Bollywood. Both times, Priyanka was highly vilified and painted as an evil home wrecker. And surprising absolutely no one, not a smear on the reputation of her partners in crime – the men who cheated.
Yes.
I don’t think any part of this interview clearly coveys what she means (maybe because of how she explains things or the terms she uses, maybe related to the writer).
For example
“I’ll stay single until I’m married” goes totally counter to “I’ve always been in relationships…you get into a relationship. You’re answerable to each other.”
Meh, I prefer Frieda Pinto, which has this spontaneous, sensual beauty. Priyanka looks like shes comes out from a lab and is a formula of supposed perfection (same with Ash). Yet she is more statuesque than mesmerising. My mom often says true beauty is the longer you look at, the more beautiful the person is. I dont think its the case with her.
I was on a site for gay men a couple called Queerty recently.They had a story about gay arranged marriages in India.I guess that’s progress.Parents accepting their gay children enough to help them find a spouse
I believe same sex marriage in a country like India is illegal. They are very very conservative. On a family vacation there, i saw couples don’t even hold hands in public. Apparently kissing in public is considered indecency and could earn you a jail time.
Sadly, you are correct. Homosexuality is technically still criminal. But the good news is legal proceedings are underway to decriminalise it as per the orders of the Supreme Court. So it’s a step in the right direction.
Regarding the handholding, a lot of people do it, others don’t. Kissing in public will not land you in jail, but will definitely attract a lot of unwanted attention..
I find her stunningly beautiful. Gorgeous
Archie Panjabi of “The Good Wife” said that she had an arranged marriage, and didn’t mind her parents picking out a spouse for her. Some women from various cultures actually want their parents to help them pick out a spouse for them, probably because it’s an “easier” way to meet people that doesn’t involve a bar or club.
Conversely, Parminder Nagra said she refused going through with an arranged marriage/match
In both situations, the women had agency in their decisions. No one was forced to do anything they didn’t want to do.
When arranged match-making goes on, it’s probably more like what goes in a Jane Austen novel than what the media portrays (sure, there are and will be exceptions, but there are exceptions in all cultures. Westerners, I’m sure, would probably go “oh heck to the no” if they were stereotyped based on what the Duggars are like.)
Wow, she is absolutely beautiful!!!
I am not sure why or how, but she reminds me of KK… Sorry I did not want to compare… 🙂
She’s 33 now? She was my age when she won Miss India. (I’m 35 going on 36 now)
I can totally relate to this. I’ve never really been in a relationship before and, to be honest, I find the uncertainties of western dating terrifying… Like she said, they don’t answer to you, they can “hook up” with whomever they please during the time ‘dating’ you before you become officially engaged to be married. I was at a blog on Tumblr at they think it’s okay to steal someone’s boyfriend from you unless you’re married (because only then it’s considered “homewrecking” by them). At the same time, I don’t want to be tied down by someone from my own culture but I don’t trust western men (no offence) even if I do find them to be very attractive.
I only knew one Indian woman who had an arranged marriage. Luckily for her he was in the same age bracket, very good looking(I know that sounds sorta shallow) and appeared to be very nice. They seemed to get along well.
She looks like a brunette Ivanka Trump.
I was thinking the exact same thing!!!!
Such a facade and a liar this woman is .she got the US SHOWS THE OSCAR APPEARANCE AND THE DINNER because she Threatened me in the presence of several hollywood big stars demanding those roles.ask anshu jain arjan mulder who organised the game.her gane is to publicly humiliate her victims with sexual abuses. She lured men from my locality with promises of getting their children into the industry