Jennifer Aniston’s mother Nancy Dow passed away back in May. I actually covered it at the time because Nancy Dow was an actress at one point, and because Aniston and her mom had a very public falling out back in the 1990s. Aniston would occasionally reference her mother in interviews, giving updates about the state of their relationship. From what I remember of Aniston’s interviews over the years, she let Nancy back into her life circa 2005, but there were still significant rifts between mother and daughter. Still, Aniston apparently paid her mom’s bills, especially after Nancy’s health declined over the past five years especially. And after all of that… Nancy Dow didn’t leave her daughter anything in her will, apparently. Not only that, Nancy left her “private writings” about Jennifer to someone else, someone who will likely sell the material.
In its latest issue on newsstands now, an insider tells In Touch magazine that Jennifer Aniston’s late mom Nancy Dow, bequeathed her home, all of her money and other personal items — including scores of personal writings about Jen — to another relative. Nancy, who died at 79, “changed her will about a year ago, and no one in the family knew a thing about it,” the insider tells In Touch exclusively.
“Even though Jen and Nancy had a very strained relationship, Jen still paid almost all of Nancy’s bills in her final years,” says the insider.
Jen famously stopped talking to Nancy in 1996 after she gave an interview about her daughter to the tabloid TV show Hard Copy. Three years later, the rift widened after Nancy wrote — against Jen’s wishes — about their painful falling-out in the tell-all From Mother and Daughter to Friends: A Memoir. Instead of paying Jen back after her death, “Nancy left the relative her condo and more than a million dollars that she’d saved. She was a penny-pincher, and the alimony she received from Jen’s dad, John [Aniston], was pretty much never touched.”
Even worse, Nancy left all of her private writings to the relative. “Nancy wrote down everything about Jen, and that material is now in the hands of someone who could profit from it,” the insider tells In Touch.
If this is true – and I think it’s probably true – this should answer all of your questions about Jennifer and Nancy’s estrangement. Even in death, Nancy Dow was trying to stick it to her daughter. It’s so nasty, passive-aggressive and ridiculous, it’s almost funny in a very dark and f—ked up way. I mean, Aniston doesn’t need her mother’s money or her estate, but if Aniston was paying her mother’s bills (which I also think is true), then this is just one final screw-you from mother to daughter. How would you take it if your own mother treated you like that, up until the very end?
Photos courtesy of Getty, Fame/Flynet.
I hope it’s not true. A mother being jealous of her daughter’s success is a very sad thing.
I hope it’s not true either. This story is one of the saddest stories I’ve ever read. I am all for gossip but I don’t ever want these letters to see the light of day. Whoever has them, I hope they burn them or just give them to Jennifer. Is this what this woman wanted her legacy to be?! I’d pick Joan Crawford over her for my mother any day!
I believe ALL of it is true. Some mothers (including mine) are just not good moms…. And it does hurt.
I agree. I have a wondeful mother but my mother in law is a monster (My husband’s words not mine). She made him live a reign of terror. He hasn’t seen her nor his father in almost 5 years and he’s happier than ever.
I’m with you Susie, having a strained relationship with your own mother is extremely painful and life altering, from a very young age.
I can see my mother doing this, and all the sneaky and manipulative things Nancy did in the past. I hope Jennifer feels peace with it all though, it sounds like she made sure her mother was taken care of toward the end, at least financially, hopefully she got emotional closure somehow.
There is a fprum on reddit called Raised by Narcissists. If there’s anyone out there still holding on to the belief that you should never cut off your parents, please go there.
I tend to believe this is true. Some mothers are competitive with their daughters. Nancy being a nominal actress (I’ve never seen her in anything but I am familiar with John Aniston – Victor Kiriakis!) may have been envious of her daughter’s success.
She has a son from another marriage – Jenn’s brother. I wonder if he was cut out too.
It would hurt like hell, but I’m sure Jen took care of her mother to make sure her own mind was at peace. For someone who is this conniving (if true), I’m sure Jen sensed it and didn’t expect anything in return. Jen had more than enough money to cover her mom’s bills and not stress out about it.
Mommie Dearest. She sold her out in life and is still trying to throw stones in death. Terribly sad but I’m sure Jennifer had to come to terms with this relationship long ago.
and I hope now people will stop bashing her for not having much of a relationship with her mother, as if that was an indication of her personality.
it was MUCH MORE an indication of her mother’s personality.
Plus, we have no idea why she may or may not want to have kids, but a toxic relationship with one’s parent, especially one’s mother, can turn one off from that enterprise forever. Not wanting to pass on the pain…recognizing that one might not be able to be the mother one would want to be. On some levels, that’s as selfless as it gets.
–TheRealPinky
Pinky….I was thinking the same thing. Her own mother may have planted the seed for her not to have kids….this is a dark and sad situation. She definitely hurt Jennifer psychologically. Fortunately, unlike the Tori Spelling situation, Jennifer doesn’t need her mother’s money, it was quite the reverse. Think I’ll take my son swimming, need to laugh and love!
Pinky- that was my first thought , too.
Pinky, absolutely.
That thought crossed my mind too, Pinky. If she indeed doesn’t want kids, that could very well be why.
This will probably post in wrong space but here goes-
@ THE REAL PINKY~
Yes, you described my feelings EXACTLY about my choice not to have children. I lived in fear of passing on the pain, and I knew that there were far better ways to be ‘maternal’. Knew I just wasn’t cut out for it.
The older I get (56), the more relieved I am that I made the right decision. For ME 😍
Such a fraught relationship. Joan Crawford. Bette Davis (though she felt her daughter betrayed her). There are others, and it’s very sad that there was no healing prior to their passing. That pain does not die with the passing of the loved-hated one. It permeates generations.
–TheRealPinky
There is no healing of a relationship with a malignant narcissist. Only coming to terms within yourself.
A Mommy Dearest situation..doesn’t surprise me it’s obvious Nancy Dow was jealous of Aniston’s success..she simply didn’t view Aniston as her daughter but as a rival, even in death the woman remains a petty mean bitch.
Word!
That is so sad. It has to mess with your head to be treated like that by your mother.
I imagine that having the one person who’s supposed to be in your corner ALWAYS and love you unconditionally, not actually be that way and instead be the exact opposite has got to be tough and I’m sure led to a lot of her insecurities.
Yes it hurts to your core. I have a mother like this and only years of therapy and a loving husband and kids have helped me feel loved. This is a basic need and when we don’t get it it really messes a person up.
I am sorry that your mother treated you like that and I am glad that you are happy and loved now. As a daughter and a mother I just can’t imagine being treated like that or imagine ever being able to treat my own children like that.
i guess that could be an explanation for the fact that jen is not too eager to procreate. she (consciously or not) decided not to pass on these messy dynamics.
I have always side-eyed the fanbase for judging Jennifer on the fact that she never popped out kid. Its not for everyone, for equally valid reasons that people want kids.
Also… I do like Brad Pitt, but I always kinda hated that he incessantly pushed Jen to make peace with her mom and reach out. Like, dude. Stop. Its not your place to say. He probably had no idea what kind of mother Jen had, and expected Jen to just turn the other cheek and be the bigger person. Its not so easy in toxic relationships, and STILL. NOT HIS PLACE.
Its something I never forgot.
And Dow was a passive aggressive narcissist.
Does anyone else remember interviews when Dow would basically say Jen wasn’t the pretty one, she was? And other interviews where Jen would say her mother was the pretty one… Wow, Nancy sure did a number on her kid.
@Briefstickershock, who wrote: ” Its something I never forgot.
And Dow was a passive aggressive narcissist. … Does anyone else remember interviews when Dow would basically say Jen wasn’t the pretty one, she was? And other interviews where Jen would say her mother was the pretty one… Wow, Nancy sure did a number on her kid. ”
Do you have a link to any of these interviews? I just Google it and didn’t come up with a thing. Thanks.
@briefstickershock
I kind of doubt that. Well I mean he encouraged Angelina to “reconcile” with her dad–except she’s talked about their relationship. It doesn’t sound like he (Brad) tried to make her play happy family with him, but mainly reunited as two people who are friendly, and because of the grandkids. But they keep him at arm’s length–he didn’t know they’d gotten married.
So he might’ve encouraged her, but I doubt he was very insistent, and respected her wishes. It’s not like he insisted she be invited to their wedding, and he never invited her over to their house, ec….. I see him trying to be well meaning, so I agree that IF he bugged her about it a lot, then he shouldn’t have–but she’s never talked about that, if that happened.
@brief: I imagine it’s difficult for people who come from warm and loving families to understand how toxic the relationship between some parents and children can be, especially if you care about the person in question. Brad also tried for years to get Angie to make peace with her father. I had a toxic relationship with my own mother, and to this day some of my friends who knew me when I was young still can’t understand why a mother and daughter couldn’t get along.
Neither Jennifer nor Angelina have ever said that Brad pushed them to make peace with their parent. Brad has never talked about either of their estrangement from their parent.
They’ve both made it clear that he was supportive in their choices and that he wasn’t the reason that strides were made to reach out to their parent.
So, I don’t know where anyone is getting that idea that he pushed and pushed and just wouldn’t leave it alone. When the two women that you’re saying that he did it to both said, no.
It’s amazing to me how many people believe the tabloids. If it’s written in a tabloid enough times, it just becomes truth when this is complete b.s.
It’s really sad. Family estrangements can be so heart wrenching. So much negative energy consuming peoples’ lives. I see it in my husband’s family and it’s horrible.
Still, I’m not sure about the truth about this story — Jen paid her mom’s bills while Dow saved a million dollars? That doesn’t quite add up, unless Dow really was that petty and spiteful. What am I saying, of course she could have been…ugh.
John Aniston did pay spousal support for years. I suppose if you lived frugally and invested you can end up with a lot of money.
I expect the same when my mother dies. I haven’t spoken to her in 3 years either because she is a toxic narcissist but that is for another place. 🙂
I can see both mother and daughter being as bad as each other. I’m sure Jennifer is not an angel in this situation, and has said and done things she may regret. But like I said, both have been locked in a points scoring situation for years.
I’m sure they both have done/said bad things, but I’m not so sure that I buy into the 50/50 responsibility when it comes to parent-child relationships. First, certain personality traits and behaviors most likely come from the way this person raised you. And most importantly, I think it’s always to be expected that the parent be a bigger person, simply for the fact that they are a parent. I couldn’t imagine a greater betrayal than between a parent and child. A quote from Mariama Ba, sums it up:
“And also, one is a mother in order to understand the inexplicable. One is a mother to lighten the darkness. One is a mother to shield when lightning streaks the night, when thunder shakes the earth, when mud bogs one down. One is a mother in order to love without beginning or end. ”
― Mariama Bâ, So Long a Letter
HH: this is the Utopian ideal, all things being equal ie no external problems like substance abuse.
Sadly there are many women who are disastrous mothers purely because they posses no maternal instinct no matter the culture they are raised or are outright toxic to their off spring due to personality traits.
In the animal kingdom, such mothers tend to kill their offspring. In human society, we force them to raise their off spring when they’d rather not, and their reluctance manifests in other ways.
I try not to criticise Jen Aniston too much as far as her physical being is concerned, even understand why she values her physicality so much because in the past she has admitted that her own mother was forever criticising her appearance and forever comparing Jen to herself. Not helped that mother was apparently a model and couldn’t adjust to having a regular, non-model daughter and criticised her relentlessly for her imperfections. It must have been a dagger to mother’s heart when her regular, non-model daughter became a hollywood star. A toxic mother in every respect.
LAK: I agree that the quote referenced is void of external influences. I just think it gets to the heart of why wounds from parents are SO much more painful. I don’t buy into 50/50 responsibility because it’s clear Nancy had some issues. I hadn’t heard about how she commented on Jen’s appearance growing up, that had to be awful.
I knew someone who had a toxic mother growing up and once she had her own kids, it complicated the relationship even more. Her heart swelled so much for her children that she didn’t understand how her mother treated her in certain ways. She’s made peace with it all and is a phenomenal mother, but you can tell when a wound will never fully heal.
Thank you for the quote. I was in tears instantly. I have this book, but haven’t seen it in forever. I will dig it out.
You could be speaking about my relationship with my mother. Now that I have my own children, those wounds were opened again. I just can’t imagine how a mother would not love her children unconditionally.
The only way I can heal is to make things different for my children. I can see already that they are freer, feel safer in the world.
I loved that book! Filled with so many beautifully written truths!
This is one area where I believe Aniston. It’s clear she’s not been mothered well and even in adulthood the mother never tried to really make amends. Unless Nancy thought using her daughter (the book) was a good way to repair what’s broken. You can’t really claim it’s 50/50 after that.
Also Aniston has said that after her divorce, she was on speaking terms with her mother so god knows what happened during those years for them being less than chummy the years leading up to her death. Aniston seemed quite positive without selling out their relationship.
If Nancy told Aniston she wasn’t pretty etc it’s a typical sign of a narcissistic mother and of course she would try to stick it one last time before she died to her much more successful daughter. Because she knows that all the money in the world is not enough to forget that your own mother never really loved you. A parent denying a child their love is one of the most cruelest acts in humans but unfortunately very common. And then people demand Aniston being clear about wanting children? God knows how she feels about becoming something she has never known in a positive light.
I think this puts Nancy in a whole new realm. What could have been 50/50 doesn’t matter anymore to me. I don’t care what Jennifer did in her life- her mother putting writings out after her death?! That is crossing a line that is insane. She decided to blow open any privacy her daughter had, smear her in public, she can’t retaliate because the writer is dead and the writer never has to own up to it because they are dead. Jennifer will never be able to respond or deal with it. I don’t care about the money- the writings being given to someone is one of the cruelest power plays that I’ve ever heard of.
Her mother tells me a lot about the way she picks her friends… predators, caustic racists, etc. She didn’t grow up with strong examples of marriage or friendship or intimacy, so she created her own friend-family instead, like many do… and hers happens to include some toxic people, which is no surprise. But hopefully she also has some lifelong friends who can make up for the jealous, vindictive mother.
Just my armchair observation, though.
My observation tells me it’s another case of raging NPD. I feel for Jennifer. Just the fact that she had a million dollars saved up & was crying poor to Jennifer is a huge sign of what a loser she was. I’ve had a few of these folks in my life, including my only sister, who almost single-handedly ruined our family life. When i was a kid I used to fantasize about having a big sister a couple of years older than me who would be my best friend, which says a lot. These folks need to be left alone in their own special compound somewhere!
My family has estranged members because of behavior like this, too. There are whole support groups for the adult children of narcissists, because it can be SO damaging. It’s really hard for people to understand if they haven’t experienced it themselves.
It’s also difficult for parents of narc children. My parents had their issues, but nothing that would predict my sister would turn into what she did. They clearly loved us & demonstrated that. She was born with a lousy temperament .
Never learned from her mistakes & blamed everyone else for them. I think my parents were just bewildered by her manipulations….she continued them throughout the decades. Now that both parents are long gone & her last longterm partner ditched her ( I could never understand what he saw in her, but he finally wised up!) she lives alone, a rapidly aging, unwell hermit. Karma.
Yeah, i caught that about the million dollars. I thought, why is Jen paying for all her expenses if bet mom is that we’ll off? When i tad Jen was paying her bills, I thought, she must not make much money, so to read she had a million in savings was surprising.
Pretty sad to have your own mom treat you so badly. I’m sure Aniston doesn’t care about the money, but must feel awful about the whole relationship. In my own experience, creating your own family with a loving spouse etc. goes a long way toward healing those kinds of childhood issues. She seems like she’s in a good place in that sense. And that final separation, though sad because it is final, is also psychically freeing.
well, she certainly looks like a witch.
I guess there’s no question now.
Some people are just hateful, or don’t know how to deal with anything without being hateful. There is nothing you can do to please those people.
I agree. And once you realize that ( especially of family ), you have to give yourself permission to remove any blame/stigma/guilt that is attached to you- remove yourself from the equation- and lay it at the feet of the toxic person. Be at peace with your past efforts, even though they have failed to bring about the results you may have hoped for. Then walk away.
Boundaries made me a healthy person, and I would wish for anyone to be able to create healthy boundaries, emotionally divorcing themselves from toxic people- let them be who they are, without dragging you down. That’s the best and happiest way to live life.
NSSB, Amen. I love everything you’ve said and I generally agree. I realized when I was a young adult that boundaries were crucial to my sanity. Now that I’m older, however, I see that some of my boundaries have hardened into impenetrable brick walls. I’ve never let go of the guilt I feel at having to keep my mom at arm’s length, emotionally. I can never explain it to her because she’s incapable of understanding. So instead I just feel vaguely terrible that I’m not closer with her (and a couple other people in my life) but don’t do anything about it because I recognize that I do still need the space to function as a human. I’m sorta stuck, I guess.
The whole keeping notes about Jennifer-very creepy. The money and house doesn’t really matter-can you even imagine what Jennifer’s net worth is?-what matters are those notes Jen’s mom kept on her. The gracious thing to have done-obviously this woman didn’t know what gracious was-was to assure that her private papers regarding Jennifer went to Jennifer.
The fact the will was changed just a year ago after Jennifer reunited (to the extent possible) with her mom and assured that she was cared for is all the more disturbing
I hate people who use their death to get back at people. Why? You won’t be here to enjoy the pain you cause, and you cause family rifts that may never go away. My grandfather rewrites his will all the time, taking people out, putting them back in. I feel like a will is something to bless those you leave behind, not be used as a final tool to hurt them. I have made it clear, I don’t need anything from him, and I will not perform like a trained monkey to ensure I do get something. I don’t want strings attached money. I hope jenn cam walk away with a clear conscience. She did her part, screw her mom
Good for you, the money’s not worth it.
My law practice focuses on tax and estate planning, and also the administration of estates and trusts. I cannot tell you how very rare it is for a parent to do something like this. Even when my clients are in the midst of a falling out with a child, I probe them about whether “cutting them out” in their Will is REALLY the last message they want to send their child. I have NEVER had a client go that route once they fully appreciated that fact.
This woman is awful. I can now fully, fully appreciate Jen’s ambivalence about motherhood. Wouldn’t she be terrified of how that relationship might turn out? Hasn’t she suffered enough at the hands of her mother? Ugh this makes me sad.
“I can now fully, fully appreciate Jen’s ambivalence about motherhood.”
yes, it does give one a better picture of her feelings, or, at least, some understanding of it.
Maybe she left what money she had to her son, knowing that her daughter didn’t need it. If there are papers and notes about Anniston, though….that is just horrible, and that mother was a psycho…you don’t do something like that to your child…
That’s what I was thinking. The articles about her death mentioned there is an older brother of Jennifer. Most likely he is the “relative” referenced. Since I’ve never heard of him before, he doesn’t seem to have an interest in selling her out to the tabloids. Probably he won’t do anything with the supposed writings about Jen.
Sounds awful but I bet she’s just relieved she doesn’t have to go there anymore. I’m sure there is guilt also but such an antagonistic relationship with someone you are so close to is so impossible. You can go to all the therapy in the world but at the end of the day there are certain things you have to take care of for your parents And I’m sadly speaking from experience.
Same insiders that has Aniston pregnant many times.
That’s really sad. Her mother obviously had a lot of issues and sounded like a deeply unhappy person. Explains a lot how the relationship got as bad as it was.
My grandmother cut my mother out of her will, and left everything to the “favorite”, who blew through it all in no time. I just consider myself lucky that my mom stopped the cycle with her own kids and we have a great relationship.
I’m not sure I see how her mother leaving her house and money to a relative is a slam against Jennifer. She doesn’t need the money or the property. We also don’t know what she wrote about Jen in those letters. They could be filled with regret. Who knows.
I doubt they are filled with regret. If they were, why would they not be given to Jen to have that expressed to her directly, not given to another relative?
If they were filled with regret she’d probably want her daughter to have them (or else destroy them), not give them to someone who’ll sell them. Even if they’re lovely letters, giving them to someone who wouldn’t 100% keep them private is a major invasion of her daughters privacy.
Nothing ever suggested Nancy changed at any point though, and more than likely these notes are mostly made up of drafts of that vile book she wrote. At the time it was rumoured her initial draft focused even more on how ugly and untalented she thought her daughter was, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn she kept that in her back pocket for two decades.
If she had personal writings about Jennifer, it wouldn’t be anything recent. So what is it? She was naughty in kindergarten?
That’s what I was thinking. Since they were estranged it’s not like her mother would have any recent dirt on Jennifer.
Jen doesn’t need her mother’s money or condo – maybe this other relative does.
Hopefully the other relative gives the papers to Jen, or offers to let her buy them before approaching the media.
In light of Aniston’s Huffington Post op-ed, I remember Aniston talking about comments her mother had made when Aniston was a child. Something along the lines of “honey, you may not be pretty but you are funny”. In a Vanity Fair interview after marriage to Brad, she mentioned her insecurities and “low self-esteem” and that her mother constantly “pointed out how unbeautiful I was”. Sad that words can affect someone for decades. I can empathize.
“How would you take it if your own mother treated you like that, up until the very end?”
********
I can tell you how it feels, it happened to me. You are left with the stigma of having fallen out with your mother. You are called ungrateful, cruel, selfish, egocentric, vile. You can’t really share your story with friends, because motherhood is a pedestal and you owe it ( whatever that is) to her for all that she’s done for you (even if that includes cutting you lose only days after your beloved father’s death and still expecting you to support her financially and in every other way. Even if she asked you to leave your very sick child to tend to her.) People will always second guess if you have been doing your duty as a daughter. “But, she’s you MOM after all…” And you are always blaming yourself for protecting yourself. It will always be you who will be doubted. Never your mother.
I can’t say I’m a fan, never was, but I feel for the woman. She is the Ex of somebody on eternal bump watch and rarely regarded as a person in her own rights with her successes or fails. Which is the curse a narcissistic mother leaves on you. A pattern of always not being good enough to be somebody who is not an …of.
Daughter of… Wife of…Ex Wife of…Mother of….
@HyacinthBucket, I know what you mean. This describes my relationship with one of my parents, a very charismatic person who was abusive to me as a child. As an adult, I had to disengage from this toxic person and toxic relationship, but dealt with years of well-meaning family and friends–who had not seen the abuse and were easily swayed by the person’s superficial charm–trying to guilt me back into a relationship with this person.
Now that my toxic parent is dead and gone, I have mostly a lot of relief, but can’t talk to most people about it, because everyone seems to idolize their parents, post things on Facebook about “I miss my parent in heaven,” etc. and I feel as if saying I do not miss my parent and I am better off without them would make me appear like a monster.
Chaine, I’m sorry you had to experience that. Yes, those father’s/mother’s day pictures on facebook get to me, too. Abuse knows so many forms and even if it is “only” genuine coldness or lack of love, a child’s soul is damaged. People outside don’t see that and they never give you the benefit of the doubt.
Although you may not know it, you are far from alone. One Mother’s Day I was chatting online with a group of around 30 people, 20 of whom were reminiscing about how great their mothers were and how much they missed them. In the middle of the chat I threw a question out: if you had an abusive mother, do you still celebrate Mother’s Day? Immediately the 10 people who up to then had been silent came to life, all talking at once about how terrible their relationships with their own mothers has been. It’s something nobody likes to talk about but it’s far more common than you’d think. A lot of women are not cut out to be mothers.
@Hyacinth(Boookay) 🙂
I agree with your and feel for you wholeheartedly. I watched my own grandmother go through this with her mother. In her case, there was no money to leave anyone, and my grandmother financially supported my great grandmother for the last 20 years of her 90+ years of life. Even as a small child, I was keenly aware of the jabs and divisions my great grandmother caused in the family. She left her own children very early in life and disappeared to travel the world with various men, but when finally left broke and alone, she turned to her kindest child, my grandmother, for support. Her way of thanking her left much to be desired. But my mom, aunt, uncle and my grandmother’s siblings constantly criticized my grandmother for her feelings and frustration against my great grandmother. She died nearly 15 years ago and my grandmother still struggles with feelings that oscillate between guilt and resentment.
Colleen, that’s right. Bookay! 😆
I can imagine the pain your grandma feels. Society demands from us to love our parents no matter what. And we feel guilty when we can’t.
Toxic parents are one of the last taboos that remains harmful to society.
A parent could abuse their child infront of people and they would find a way to justify the abuse because to be a parent is to be a sort of sanctified diety that can never be wrong or acknowledged to be wrong as far as their children are concerned. They are always given the benefit of the doubt yet paradoxically the same isn’t extended to the children without a mountain of proof. The child is always the problem. Never the parent.
^^^^^^ this
First of all, I love Keeping Up Appearances, so your screen name makes me happy. I agree that when your mother treats you terribly, and you try to fight back to protect yourself, you will always be called the bad guy, no matter how sincerely you explain your case.
The thing that surprised me most after my mother passed away was being hit with a profound grief for the loss of what could have been. I didn’t expect that. I have many friends whose mothers are not narcissists, and they have positive, even fun, relationships. It still makes my heart seize up to consider how much more rewarding both of our lives would have been if she could have just seen me as a separate person, willing to grow and change along with her, instead of just as an extension of herself.
Adastraperaspera,
I’m glad I could bring a smile to your day. Keeping Up Appearances is such a great show, I love it, too.
You are so right the pain was surprising, it tore me apart. Unsurprisingly I am having therapy to deal with all the issues that arose from the patterns in my family. I’m coming to terms, but I have loads of patterns in my behaviour that are self depreciating and an obstacle in oursuing my dreams. Ine thing is good, however, my sons will never have to fear that I don’t love them enough or don’t show it enough. They are trying out their wings now and I am providing the nest they can fly back to for re-energising or if something goes wrong. No questions, no conditions, no accusations.
I might react by… not having any daughters. It sounds like her mother was toxic until the end, like her family was the same. Whatever could be published about Jennifer would have to be taken with a mountain of salt.
I don’t know–I had a difficult, insecure, jealous mother and having a warm and loving relationship with my own daughter is the best thing that’s ever happened to me (my son, too, but I was more anxious about my daughter).
I’m not in my mother’s will. I don’t want to be as I’m capable of supporting myself. I want my mother to spend the fruit of her and my dad’s decades of hard work on enjoying herself with trips and activities she enjoys and taking care of her health needs as she ages and not on leaving something behind for me or anyone else. I helped her with an attorney who drafted a will such that any assets remaining at the time of her death go into a trust to pay for college for grandchildren. One of my siblings isn’t happy about this but he has no right to expect that money. None of us do.
Do I can’t shade this woman for not leaving money to her daughter. The memoirs, however, are a different story. But who knows whether Aniston has a good relationship with this relative that would make him/her consider not exploiting the situation
It’s not the money. Mothers leave their daughters possessions that mean the world to them emotionally, that have deep sentiment to them. I have my mother’s wedding ring and others possessions of hers that are worth more than money ever could be.
SHE left Jen nothing. But, of course, there obviously was no closure between them the last few years anyway, so I imagine Jen didn’t expect that. As much as she didn’t, it still probably hurt.
Jen has said she had many wonderful memories of her mom growing up after her father left them and wasn’t in her life for a while. It was just the two of them. There were the criticisms of Jen, but she also had many wonderful memories. Then she grew up and her mom couldn’t handle her plain child’s huge success, the success she had always dreamed up, so had to make it about her with that book after her own daughter begged her not to write it. and I think she wrote in the book about their first rift over the mom giving an interview about her.
I would imagine after Jen reunited with her and they were taking baby steps, the problem is her mom will never apologize and now, being a narcissistic woman, she would never forgive Jen for being estranged from her and for it being public and the things she said. I think she was an unforgiving woman and held grudges. But Jen has also had many loving memories of her mom. She may have come to terms with the estrangement and death, but I think there will always be wounds, what she wished could have been.
Jen’s interview talking about her mom while she and Brad were still married..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xyfSHNXwRU
Wow. If the narcissist (at least) theory required any confirmation, there it is.
I feel for Jennifer. I have a friend who turns herself inside out trying to be her narcisstic mother happy. Nothing is ever good enough, daughter isnt paying mother enough attention but ignores daughter when she has a boyfriend. My friend would love to b a mother but it also terrifies her.
I called my mother on Tuesday and Wednesday and she won’t call back so yeah, I get it. Not everyone has a great Mom.
I never forget JA saying she FIGHTS DIRTY. who knows how she treated her mother. She may have paid some of her bills but she is worth over $100m . If her mother cut her out of her will for no reason, that would be very spiteful and vengeful she will have to answer to a higher authority. I remember JA going on Chelsea H show laughing it us after CH called Angelina the C word and one of her child a monkey ect, so imo, JA may be just like he mother holding a grudge. As a Brad and Angelina fan I will wait until I read her mothers’ writing before crucifying her mother. I have a feeling JA is not the sweetheart her people want us to believe she is, jmo.
How very blessed you must be to not know how much damage that situation causes and how ignorant you sound.
As another poster mentioned above about what it’s like when a girl is abused by a toxic and narcissistic mother: “you are the one who is always doubted. You are the one who must be at fault. Never your mother.”
You believe I “sound ignorant” because I’m not dumping on JA’s mother without knowing the full story, well, it’s jmo. We are all entitled to our opinion. I’m a free thinker. FYI, I was abandoned as a child my mother and was raised by a loving and wonderful grandmother.
The fact that Jennifer was paying her mother’s bills when the mother could afford to pay her own is just confusing. I see it as Jennifer trying to help and repair the rift a bit. That’s rough.
Some mothers just won’t change their minds. My mother hated me most of my life – the way I saw it – because I wasn’t a frilly thing that she could dress up. We hadn’t spoken for at least 6 months when she became terminal with metastatic breast cancer and was in the hospital for 3 months before she died. I took care of her for my dad and brother, and in the off-chance that I might regret not helping her at some point. I still wouldn’t regret it, but I’m glad that I was there for my dad and brother. (The only thing she said to me in the 3 months was one “thank you,” to which I told her that it wasn’t for her. She had plenty of time to ask forgiveness for what she had done to me, but she chose to stay silent the entire 3 months rather than do that.)
Some people choose to be unreasonably stubborn until the end.
I am sorry for all those who have had cruel parents. We can’t choose relatives, and unfortunately, parents included.
I recall a quote by one of Nancy’s ex husbands (not Jen’s father) that Nancy alienated everyone. I doubt Jennifer is surprised by her mother’s last actions.
It is frustrating that society responds the way it does when a child is estranged from a parent. Why the assumption that he/she is a bad person or doing something wrong? None of us knows what others have dealt with behind closed doors – there are some truly bad/damaging parents out there.
I’m a believer in the “you get back what you put in” idea of parent-child relationships. I have a parent who has not brought anything positive to my life. Having nieces now (who I instantly loved more than this parent ever loved me), I can’t fathom how some can be so unloving and hateful towards their own children.
My mother is exactly like this. I consider it a mental illness of sorts. Or that just helps me feel better about having a horrible person as a mother.
None of our realities have any comparisons to Aniston’s. None of us could begin to guess what the relationship was really like between her and her mum or what her reaction would be to the Will.
I assume she left to her other child, Jen’s older half brother?
He has always shun the public eye – most people only knew of him after Jen’s mentioned him when announcing her mother’s death- and he can probably use the money much more than Jen. Considering how private he has always been, I doubt he’ll sell out his half-sister now.
My mother wrote me out of her will after I spent much of my adolescence and young adulthood caring for her while she suffered from a degenerative illness, verbally abusing me the entire time. This is one area where I will say that, if true, I feel for Jen.