Here are some photos of Hugh Grant at the low-key premiere of Florence Foster Jenkins this week in New York. Hugh looks good, but he’s reached the age where if he continues to keep permanently tan year-round, he’ll start to draw comparisons to George Hamilton. That’s was my first thought when I saw these pics: he’s British George Hamilton. Anyway, as most of us know, Hugh is rather famously anti-marriage. He’s 55 years old and he’s never gotten married, ever. The closest he came was when he was with Liz Hurley, and they basically had a common-law marriage after more than a decade together. But they still split, and now Hugh has four babies with two different women, and those pregnancies and relationships overlapped too. That’s just who he is. And Hugh apparently celebrates – nay, longs for – the old days of long-standing mistresses, the more European arrangements of marriages and side chicks.
He has famously never wed, but Hugh Grant believes the occasional casual affair can serve to strengthen a marriage. Speaking to Sirius XM DJ Howard Stern, the Florence Foster Jenkins actor said he “admired” those who take their unions “extremely seriously” but still had extra-marital sex without acknowledging their behaviour to their husbands or wives.
Explaining how he “likes” the fact his Florence Foster Jenkins character has a mistress, he added: ‘I always admire the French and the Italians who are very devoted to their marriages. They take them extremely seriously, but it is understood that there might be other visitors at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. You just never boast about. They never say anything, but that’s what keeps marriages together.’
The 55-year-old actor – infamously arrested in 1995 after being caught with prostitute Divine Brown on Hollywood’s Sunset Boulevard – branded marriage “unromantic” and doesn’t believe in the institution because he doesn’t think human beings are meant to be faithful to just one person.
”I can see the lovely aspect if you marry exactly the right person – your best friend and it’s cozy and it’s lovely. But, people make so many mistakes,’ he said. ‘Do I think human beings are meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous, faithful, relationships? No, No, No. Whoever said they were? Only the bible or something. No one ever said that was a good idea. I think there’s something unromantic about marriage. You’re closing yourself off.’
“Your best friend and it’s cozy and it’s lovely. But, people make so many mistakes…” I think that’s what he had with Elizabeth Hurley. They were best friends and it was cozy and lovely and he got some strange on the side. And Hurley was fine with it for a time, until she wasn’t. The thing is, I can sort of understand Hugh’s position, but I think that kind of arrangement is contingent on several different factors. One, both people in the marriage have to agree to, like, institutional infidelity. Two, if the husband gets to cheat, so does the wife. Three, discretion is necessary. Unless you have those three elements locked down, it’s not some sophisticated European affair. It’s just a guy being a horndog and not respecting his wife or his marriage.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Daniel Cleaver incarnate.
–TheRealPinky
Yep. A sure sign of a real-life DC is when they start philosophizing that “we” or “people” aren’t supposed to be monogamous, or in long term relationships – because they don’t like how it sounds when they say “I’m” not supposed to be monogamous, etc. (side-eye to Ethan Hawke)
Lol yessss this! Or perhaps he meant like the Royal ‘we’. Coz people should take marriage and relationship advice from freakin Hugh Grant!!!😭 Go bang a hooker, please.
He’s just saying he’s forever wanting to keep his options open.
Based on some of his encounters and choices, it’s not a ‘bigger, better deal’ scenario. He’s being honest, I guess, but at 55 instead of 25.
Yea 55…and well known reputation to go to college dorms and pick up as many girls he could get. This is a man with class. No pun intended.
At least he doesn’t do high schools. That he’s been caught at…
Ugh. I wonder if his ‘honest Cleaver’ bit will help his, umm, ‘recruiting’ efforts?
He’s an immature playboy, IMO. Sounds like his ideal scenario is ‘have one’s cake and eat it, too’.
I’ve never found him attractive. The movie parts he plays of a “bad boy, emotionally anavailable player” he’s incredibly good at , maybe bcs he is not acting, he is being his real self. If that’s his truth good for him but i feel compelled to say: don’t generalize, dude! I’m proud to say that after dating several dudes with the non-monogamous mentality, i finally met my current man. He is one of those rare gems who believes in love, exclusivity, committment and working things out. He is such a breath of fresh air to me! They still exist, i just had to kiss a few hedonistic frogs before finding my gentleman. He is a good boy, i was done with the bad ones a long time ago. My guy’s gentle soul is more fulfilling than constant rejection from guys who think like Grant.
Thanks SNAP. You give me hope.
Dudes got a crazy eye, and those teeth……PALEEEEZZZZZZZ
I think he should just say that it’s not for him. I don’t see why Hugh gets to speak for everybody. Some people want monogamy and others don’t. And, as noted, all is fine with that provided their is equality in a relationship of what each party wants it to be.
I kinda see Hugh as an honest horndog. Or something.
Agreed.
My life is so busy, the thought of a side piece is just exhausting.
@Megan yes, so much. This made me smile!
I disagree. He might not be able to speak for everybody but statistics are. As someone once said… if a heart surgery had the failure rate that marriages do we’d find it unacceptable and be looking for an alternative. But somehow when we hear 2 people are getting married, our logic turns off and we wish them well and believe they’ll make it even though chances are they won’t. (Keep in mind, just staying married does not mean you’ve made it. There are divorced people showing in the stats, and then there are so, so many quietly miserable couples who stay together for the children, because of mortgage, out of fear the partner would turn violent if they wanted to leave, because they don’t wanna choose between their lover and spouse and manage to keep it secret, or just because they’ve given up on life. Successful marriages are NOT the majority. )
Bruno Betelheim once pointed out that marriages used to be routinely broken up by death. Someone who lived to old age was likely to have been married several times for that reason, having outlived a series of spouses. They didn’t get a chance to grow away from each other. So maybe the divorce rate today isn’t so odd after all, considering the increased life expectancy. The ones who do happily grow old together might be the exception.
That’s possible! Also, changing social circumstances trap fewer people into permanent but unhappy marriages. A good thing.
This really doesn’t suggest that finding monogamy satisfying and fulfilling is so rare as to be an exception, however.
Interesting, so might one say that those descended from the anciently appointed soldier-class would be less likely to form long lasting pair-bonds?
That could be true @Jwoolman but 10/10 times these modern “monogamy is not natural” guys really mean “monogamy is not natural for MEN”. They want to have a “safe” woman at home who sees to their creature comforts while spreading their penis around to any woman that catches their fancy. They will kick their wives out the door if they too wanted some strange on the side. But my understanding is with the French, women were allowed to cheat too but not Italian wives who were supposed to be the pure modonnas? Please correct me European CBs.
Think Hugh will be fine with his Babies Mamas having their own side pieces? I strongly doubt it, men’s egos are so fragile they can’t deal with you going after a bigger peen. He would cut them off from his finances. He wouldn’t be able to compete and will find another woman to have more kids with.
Usually, and unfairly,the deceased was a young woman who passed in childbirth. Worked out for the horndog men that way.
Yes, the more he said, the more I wished he’d just kept his comments brief and limited to himself.
Although I have often thought about the fact that life expectancy is much, much longer today. As Jwoolman said, maybe those who remain happy for decades are the exception.
Hugh said in the interview he knows some happily married people, but more that are unhappy. He said his brother is very happily married to his best friend a d he’s jealous of his brother
Liz didnt get tired of him having strange on the side. She was doing it also. That one actor she was banging on the side said she would make him leave when Hugh was coming in town . She just got bored and moved
on and they stayed best friends. I think she had Hugh wrapped around her finger. She insinuated she could have married him.
I wonder with Liz was it the fact that the Devine Browne incident was so public that made her scarper, it was all fun and games until she was humiliated in the press.
As for Hugh and that kind of man, they are not for the likes of me.
Zapp: she didn’t scamper for another 5yrs after the Divine Brown incident.
@ Lak thanks I thought it was much sooner after, maybe she was gathering up all the safety pins off that dress!
Agreed – whatever works for him is up to him, but he shouldn’t speak for anyone else. I also don’t know if he should be proclaiming what makes a marriage work…since he himself has never been married.
Correction: Hugh Grant isn’t meant to stay in a 40 plus year monogamous relationship. I love how he threw in 40 years LOL to make it sound more reasonable when the bloke clearly meant he probably couldn’t pull off a solid faithful weekend unless he was stuck in an avalanche alone. Hugh might want to consider those teeth of his aren’t getting any younger and ladies of the night start to charge a tad more when you look like you chew glass for a living.
Hmm… Maybe now that he’s 55, he can risk getting married since he probably won’t last another 40 years! 🙂
Lol! I was staring at that big yellow tooth, too. And the chin zit. Tasty.
Yeah, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt while I was reading – thinking, he’s just speaking for himself even though he seemed to have been making some generalizations. Until he said “No one ever said that was a good idea.” Nope, Hugh, a lot of people think it’s a “good idea”. A lot of people are by nature/experience completely content with being monogamous and have no desire to be with anyone else.
If that’s what he AND his partner(s) want, then good for them. But if you’re going around being dishonest, there’s nothing noble about that. If you don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship, don’t – just don’t pretend it’s what you want.
I don’t know. I feel like if you’re truly best friends, it’s shocking what you can let slide and what you can make work. Like, if my husband wanted some side strange I think my response would be empathetic and curious more than upset. There is a point you can reach with someone that is strikingly deep and poignant where you sort of grow into each other even though you’re separate.
We’ve been through some scary and life threatening challenges though. It’s really all a test when you’re married but it’s a beautiful and unique one and I’m so deeply grateful for my partner. I can’t imagine why people throw all of it out for a piece of ass or because of pettiness and jealousy and being unwilling to talk about things.
Anyway. I SO agree that it’s always when certain kinds of men say monogamy is unnatural they are saying it’s unnatural to MEN. I get it. I think people should be able to get theirs if they have different sexual needs but are devoted to their partners. I agree with Kaiser though. It seems like the way lots of dudes argue this point they’re basically saying “I’m horny and deserve a bevy of naked females because I’m a man and that’s what men do.” Dude, no. The French have some things figured out. I dated a guy once who was talking about having children and I said I thought it was important for parents to try to stay together no matter what if they decide to bring a child into the world, and he goes “Yeah well, you know, that stuff can turn on a dime.” Like it was no big thing and the baby could just deal with it. This was one red flag of thousands with him but the guy cheated on every girlfriend he ever had and/or demanded an ‘open relationship’.
I don’t think Hugh comes off well here at all. He needs to state things in a way that is more respectful and realizes the other party’s needs.
Yep. To be honest I’m really, really tired of hearing this. I do find it offensive when people are like “WE weren’t meant to be monogamous blah blah blah” YOU. YOU weren’t meant for monogamy. Don’t run your mouth off that my marriage is “unnatural” just because it isn’t something you want. I never tell my single friends you HAVE to find someone (that would be silly! It’s perfectly fine to choose not having relationships) and in return I don’t want people telling me my monogamy is “unnatural” and “doomed to fail”
Sorry pet peeve
It just depends on the people in the relationship. Not everyone wants the same thing. If you are with your soul mate, then neither one of you may want to stray. Hiding it and sneaking around is downright despicable and very unfair.
he is not being honest horndog, he is being shameless horndog 😉
Sixer, agree
Qwerty, I used to say the same but very recently read something somewhere (sorry, I can’t remember source!) that this has actually reversed. Marriages are succeeding again and there are more couples still together than divorced. They’re attributing the high divorce era to the advent of hippies, 60s, 70s, 80s (can’t get enough) and said now, in last 10-15 years, couples are not divorcing. People ARE working to stay together. Wish I could remember where I read it… anyway, i’m sure someone will dig into this. Frankly I was glad to hear it and i’ve never wanted to marry but for those who do, I like marriage to last otherwise what is the point of marrying?
Goodness he has not aged well. I thought he was older than 55!
He really hasn’t. I was shocked to see that he is only 55-I would have put him closer to 70 based on the picture.
He looks horrible. He was never that good looking to begin with but it’s shocking to see he’s aged so poorly and he’s not even 60 yet. His lifestyle has caught up with him and he wouldn’t even be getting that many women if it weren’t for his money. No young woman would willingly want to sleep with that unless she’s getting $omething out of it.
Alcohol does nasty things to the human body. It’s the silver medalist to Crystal Meth.
Nah, I like monogamy. My husband was my first boyfriend and my first in other areas, too. I don’t desire nor wish I had gotten more experiences, I am perfectly happy and content. Granted, monogamy is not for everyone and is only fair and decent of those who don’t wish to practice it to be upfront with their partners. As long as everyone is on the same page I don’t see a problem. However, lying and cheating on your spouse and “taking your marriage” seriously like Hugh says, it’s bullsh!t.
you are closing yourself off by not being in multiple relationships but you’re also closing yourself off by not being in one long one – that is just life. no matter the choice, you’re gaining something by missing something else.
Yep. I have more polyamorous than monogamous friends, but there’s a trade-off for sure. Some people want to focus all their time and emotional energy and intimacy on one person, and have that focus returned. Others feel better when they can share their love with multiple people, which is often even more time-consuming if you want to value each person appropriately. It all depends on your personal priorities and desires.
But the key is HONESTY, and a willingness to make sacrifices for someone else. Hugh doesn’t sound like someone who values those things.
“to value each person appropriately” being the key phrase. That takes time and focus, respect and commitment and putting aside your own ego at times. Men, especially young men, have a problem with that. And quite frankly, the ones who want an open relationship in the first place never seem all that interested in intimacy and valuing women in the first place. They just want what they want when they want it. I’ve had a couple of friends who’ve tried this and neither marriage lasted. Both ended up hurt and one was abandoned to handle the messy fallout all in her own. IMO, if you want to continue dating around as they used to call it, why get married in the first place?
@Escondista
This is one of the wisest comments I’ve read on here. I GIVE YOU ALL THE STARS!!
Wise words!
The lovely old Europan arrangemwnts usually allowed the man to have a mistress. Not he wife. And were Italians big on that? Aren’t they super duper Catholic?
If you want to have an open marriage, have one, more power to you. Cheating is not however, an open relationship. If your partner doesn’t know, you’re not noble for keeping the marriage, you’re scum.
These celebrity men ( always men) tryin to justify their cheating by saying we aren’t designed for monogamy are very annoying.
They were big on that, because of patriarchal rules and extreme bigoted Catholic views. Wives in the Italian society were supposed to stay at home, minding children, cooking, etc. and only the husband was ‘allowed’ to have mistresses. Never seen ‘Il Gattopardo’?
It was nothing of the sort of an ‘open marriage’ arrangement like in modern times where both parties choose/get to be unfaithful.
I just posted the same thing after you. We can be assured that if any of his baby mamas did what he did i.e. had a kid by another guy, Hugh would not only have dumped her, he would have fought her over child support and probably custody.
Rare is the man who thinks an open marriage should free the woman too. Rarer is the society that wont punish her more harshly if it learns they are both straying.
Exactly!
No lies detected.
THIS!!!
Sorry didn’t see your comment before I made mine. But yes, this “historical” justification for cheating ALWAYS comes out of the mouths of cheating men. They used to give nature as an example of why monogamy is not “natural”. Cheating women also use the nature justification these days.
But Yeah Hugh wouldn’t put up with any of his women having sex with other men. The setup works for INSECURE men with no SELF-CONTROL of their peens. I would love for his Brit-Chinese paramour to come home with a hot Latin or Black man (Sorry, using ethnic stereotypes only because White men usually use it in their minds which is stupid). LOL let’s see how Hugh deals with it.
I love how this kind of anti white racism is allowed here. Really classy. Of course this comment won’t be posted because hatred of whites is encouraged here. Imagine if someone said they wished a white man would effectively cuckold a non white man! The histrionics and shrieking would break the internet…but this is perfectly ok. Disgusting.
@Sunny
“I love how this kind of anti white racism is allowed here”
Hmm? Anti-White racism to preface that I am using a sterotyped example of an insecure White man with stupid unfounded insecurities about ethnic men? Have you met the Tea Party or read a history book about the lynching of Black men by Whites for having consensual sex with White women due to fear those women will prefer Black men or read studies regarding these topics in locker rooms? I suggest you go to your local library and get reading! Books are your friends 🙂
P.S. It’s going to be hilarious explaining to my future kids how much I hate their father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and 50% of their DNA! LMAO.
Him and Prince William ought to make an appointment to remove the buttery stains on their teeth 🙂
Dunno bout you, Hugh old chap, but I’m in a 20 year+ relationship and looking forward to another 20, body and mind willing.
Too funny…I actually posted sonething regarding his dental situation a few posts up.
Actually, I found Hugh charming initially in that too many weddings and a funeral movie with that awkward bumbling boyish chap shtick he was working. After a while, however, maybe around the time his mugshot came out where he wore that tragic shell shocked gaze of a man who looked like he just came back from extensive alien experimentation, the charm faded. The cute british bumbling awkwardness began to sound less adorable and more like someone panicking to finish a sentence before the sun set. No more ckever or witty. It became biting, condescending, rude, bitter and full of his little declarations that came across as remaining with one woman was akin to joining the nazi party and remaining with one race. Ohh Hugh. Just go to the dentist.
I think that’s the real problem all along.
I think we all know Hugh means that a marriage should make allowance for the husband to play, not the wife. At the very least, he would demand that her indiscretions strictly remain a secret because in the end, most of these men consider a straying wife an indictment on their bedroom skills. His playing around on the other hand may be common knowledge.
Liz Hurley’s many indiscretions were common knowledge throughout their relationship. Hugh’s arrest was obviously bigger news than any of her activities, but she still got plenty of column inches throughout their decade together and Hugh never seemed to care.
The problem is when people make these sweeping statements they don’t qualify it with a “some.” Sure, I believe “some” people aren’t meant for monogamy and that’s fine. However, it seems like so many people who believe in non-monogamy automatically assume everyone is the same way. It’s like pushy vegans. For some of us, monogamy is great.
I do think Hugh may be over-defensive about this though because the media was way over the top about the cheating scandal back in the day and the multiple mothers of his children. It was all kind of scandalous but the media blew it way out of proportion (like they often do) and harassed one of his kid’s mom. Then again, dude’s career would have been unfairly over if he was a woman and he would have been slut-shamed like crazy so maybe he should stop being quite so over defensive.
*To be fair, it does seem like all of Hugh’s paramours who had his children were always aware of one another.
That “pushy vegans” stereotype sure pops up in unexpected places!
I know it was a throwaway line, but damn, I’ve met 99 pushy and defensive omnivores to every 1 vegan. Just *finding out I’m vegan* in a relevant context is enough to make people call me pushy, or assume I’m already judging them, or scramble to explain why they eat meat, or demand to know why I don’t, etc…
Conversely, I’ve never once asked someone where they get any specific nutrients or why they make certain choices about their body. I’m not only fair game for those constant clueless questions, but I’m also lumped in with “pushy” evangelizers time and time again.
My experience also. Some carnivores get very defensive just noticing there is no meat on my plate… I never bring it up myself and try not to ask them if they think baby human tastes like chicken (have been tempted when they rant at me about being inconsistent if I kill a carrot for food). Strange phenomenon. They’ll ask the question directly and then assume I’m pushy if I just admit I don’t eat meat or fish or birds etc. If you don’t like the answers, please don’t ask the question.
Awh bless. Vegans usually have disordered eating which is why they are so obsessed with Veganism and push it on others. Nigella spoke about it some time ago. Stereotypes don’t come outta nowhere y’know (about the pushy Veganism). I hope one day you will be able to eat healthily again.
Yes, he did seem to be honest about it and the women themselves never seemed to be pushing for marriage. He has the means to provide financially for the children and also for their moms, giving them choices especially when the children are very young. (I think both also have their own ways to make money.) He seems to be actively involved with the kids and obviously on friendly terms with the women, who had no qualms about generating another kiddo with him. So it sounds like an open and above-board arrangement. Deceit is the toxic thing.
It looks to me like he’s in a relationship with Anna. They are always seen together. They were just on holiday in Spain with the children. I read his house is for sale and he’s buying a home to live in together
I’ll take monogamy.
And you’re right, Kaiser. Traditionally women haven’t had nearly the same latitude to cheat as men have, nor have they had the right to say, no, I don’t like that, that’s disrespectful. Look at the word cuckold – there’s no word for the cheated up female spouse that includes the embarrassment of your spouse stepping out. Only men are “entitled” to that.
to be fair the word cuckold is not a about caring about cheated on men, its to mock them. it says a cheated on man wasnt man enough to keep her from straying.
Yes, but it also has overtones of embarrassment. Sorry. I am way too tired to engage cogently.
Maybe for you Mr. Grant. Not all of us.
I didn’t realize he was such a tool. My bad.
I heard a short explanation on NPR recently that the ability to be happily monogamous may be biological, having to do more with brain chemistry than commitment. I believe it because I have known two kinds of distinctive people: those for whom monogamy is a struggle and those for whom monogamy is a breeze.
I’m in the latter category and I’m very happy there. I’m married and my mind doesn’t even stray. I was in a seven year relationship before I was with my husband and it was the same, it was really no effort for me to be faithful. I’m actually surprised and a little thrown off when I get attracted to someone new because it’s very unusual, and I can shake it off quite quickly.
Then there are those like my sister and some of my friends for whom it’s a constant effort to stay faithful, and they wonder if it’s worth it and find monogamy to be a great sacrifice, and honesty they end up resentful.
Hugh should really speak for himself, though. I have every reason to believe I’ll be happyily monogamous for the rest of my life, considering the past 15 years of monogamous relationships have never been a struggle for me at all.
So true. Brain chemistry/biological makeup determines so much. We are genetically predisposed towards so many actions. For example, studies show that infants acquire language acquisition skills in the womb as an innate function, which is why they are born with the ability to recognize a language. Some geneticists are doing studies on genetic memory, apparently our genetic history that attributes our behaviors goes by 7 generations. So it wouldn’t surprise me that some people are able to be in a monogamous relationship and some can’t based on brain chemistry.
I have to wonder if there’s not some truth to this too. My brain just doesn’t think in terms of being with multiple people at once. Never has. Nor has my husbands. We have both been historically long, monogamous, relationship or no relationship at all people even before we met each other. It really makes sense that the difference could be genetic/biological. I have girlfriends my age (30s) who really struggle with monogamy and I feel a lot of empathy for them because it seems fun to a point but they also get kinda bummed when they reach the point of boredom and they don’t want to hang in there and start inevitably losing interest.
I feel sorry for you.
When he actually has a “girlfriend” who openly “cheats” on him I’ll believe him. Until then he’s just another man getting the most out of the sexual/relational double standard.
It’s a mixed bag, but i think the increased life expectancy is turning everyone into serial monogamists even if each relationship is 20yrs old.
I definitely think monogamy is not for everyone and if it’s not then they need to be honest and upfront to find a situation that works for them.
But the idea of having an affair and sleeping with someone else makes my skin crawl. It’s just not for me.
I could not deal if my husband had a 5 o’clock visitor while I’m busy caring for our children and household.
I wonder if Hugh believes paid-for sex from a poor person on the side of the road is ‘romantic’.
This dude and Jude Law….it’s good to be a white man.
Add Donald Trump to the list.
Ah yes, Donald Trump, pouring resources into titties.
Monogamous relationships are not for the weak minded – and given that our beautiful earth is filled with weak minded individuals, monogamy is a rarity! It takes a strong individual to fight for a relationship…it’s MUCH easier to run away and just start over with someone else than to fight for what you have. Are we meant to be in long term relationships? Maybe…maybe not – but if we were not, then why are there so many sexually transmitted diseases? So many passion related crimes, so many cases of depression? Such unhappiness on this earth where we have access to pretty much everything we desire? Maybe I’m old school, but I believe long term relationships are definitely worth fighting for. Nothing worthwhile comes easy!!!
Yes, with more than 100 STDs today, monogamy does seem safer… But even when the list was much shorter, those diseases did get transmitted to other partners with tragic results. A common scenario was a man bringing it home to the wife and future children from prostitutes. So multiple partners also mean multiple risks. We can’t cure everything, and we’re also running into antibiotic-resistance in some we thought we could cure such as gonorrhea. Testing is incomplete and not 24/7.
With regard to STIs, it’s important to remember many are asymptomatic. For example, some strains of HPV can cause cervical cancer, but in addition to being virtually symptom free there is no approved test for men, so it is unknowingly transmitted (cuz let’s face it, at some point in a relationship many choose to stop wearing protection). Herpes is another one – highly stigmatized, but many people go through life without ever having an outbreak (or don’t realize what an outbreak is) and transmit to their partner. This happened to me – when my husband suddenly had a herpes outbreak after 5 years of monogamy there were a LOT of questions….but when I mentioned to my OBGYN I was having recurring burning pain on the back of one of my legs for years they asked if I had ever had the titer test for herpes. .and eventually I learned I infected him, I just never had traditional symptoms. Even though I work in an STI clinic, I’m shocked how much internal stigma I still have, and how many people come back positive for STIs that never experiences symptoms, or have lingering health issues from an undiagnosed STI. I’m lucky my husband took the time to be educated on why all the sudden he was having outbreaks after sex (it was the fertility meds I was taking), but I imagine a lot of people assume infidelity and that’s not always the case.
Plus, though some diseases (like herpes) are labelled STIs, they can actually also be easily transmitted through saliva/lips (lesion does not need to be present, because the virus is still transmissible a few days after the symptoms have abated). That’s how you can get it from a platonic kiss (eg: between family members). I wish there was more awareness of this, since people like to kiss their kids and friends. Viral transmission can be really easy via that route, because people don’t realize that even though their viral symptoms have stopped they’re still infectious (this goes for colds too). So you can be completely monogamous and still have an STI.
+1000000, it seems like nowadays everybody is taking the easy way out for everything,including relationships.
I’ve had a lot of really bad boyfriends (and hot sex 😉) but now at the age of 41 I’m very happily married and I find my hubby to be quite frankly, getting hotter with every passing year. We are always trying to sneak off together away from the kids so we can have a pash (Aussie for make out he he).
I love the way our sexual relationship is built on a foundation of trust with walls built of flirting and fun and white hot sexual attraction.
The thought of being with multiple partners at this late stage just sounds ugh to me.
Oh suuure Hugh, tell that to the guys that actually want kids of their own. If there was such a culture of “open marriages”, if your girlfriend/wife got pregnant, it would be like “ok, she is having a child, but am I the bio dad? Am I having a child that I helped create o is this someone else’s?”
Women may cheat, but in most marriages, with trust, and monogamy, the men know they’re having a family together. Without the nastiness of DNA testing. If you need to have it tested, something is seriously off.
But oh right, you (Hugh) meant men only. After no woman should mind if the men eat from several plates right!? A Mrs for having the “right” children, a mistress for the fun. The JFK approach to marriage.
We just buried my husband’s 99 your old grandmother. She lasted only 4 months after her husband died at 101. They were married 80 years. I have never seen such sweethearts. She had no reason to go on after his passing, had loved life but said she just wanted to be with him. They used to hold hands and hug continuously. I get Hugh’s point but what works for some doesn’t work for others. There is no 1 size fits all and there are some loved of a life time without cheating though rare.
I hate when people who can’t or choose not to make a commitment to someone or do then cheat, call it “we.” As in ‘we aren’ meant to be monogamous or, “Do I think human beings are meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous, faithful, relationships? No, No, No.” You mean YOU Hugh. Don’t try and get everyone else in on your choices or shortcomings in life. Just speak for yourself.
Amen!!!
EXACTLY
THIS
A lot of men seem to have a.problem with #2.
‘Do I think human beings are meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous, faithful, relationships? No, No, No. – Fine neither do I FOR YOU, Hugh now d. ‘Do I think human beings are meant to be planting their swimmers on every girl without a condom and making Irish Twins nilly willy just cause they got enough money to act like a f*ckboy well into their 50s? Also No but you do it Hugh and here we all are *shrugs*
It’s striking that statements like this take place in some kind of fantasy universe where STDs don’t exist, apparently. In the good old days of socially acceptable cheating by men, syphilis and other sexual diseases were widespread, and many men witlessly passed on such infections to their wives, exposing them to the risk of a painful premature death, e.g. see the Wikipedia entry for Karen Blixen.
The old ‘humans aren’t supposed to be monogamous’ excuse. He softened it by adding the 40 year bit. Except he’s never come close and most humans do fine with monogamy even if they’re the short term/serial kind. No, Hugh’s just trying to deflect his slutty behavior.
Grant should only speak for himself, not make it into a “we are not supposed to…”. It’s usually just an excuse for emotionally ‘lazy’ folks. When the first troubles show up, they run, thinking it’s getting better next time around. IMO, people need to learn to love themselves first, before they actually can make a real connection to whomever. I doubt he can bond on a deep level, but ok, as long as his partners are fine with it. I don’t know why, but I’ve always regarded him as selfish and immature. Monogamy to me is something that just happens when you find the right person. You can still love other people, but the desire to share with them what you share with that person doesn’t really arise. And it has a lot to do with trust.
I have no problem with people like Hugh Grant – or Leo DiCaprio, or Keanu Reeves. I have a problem with people like Ben Affleck.
Self-awareness is a great thing, especially for the women and children not dragged along in the wake of the Batflecks and Ethan Hawkes of this world. (I’m not even getting into Charlie Sheen territory, because that’s a whole other can of maggots.) If someone doesn’t want monogamy and owns that, and is respectful towards the people they are involved with, then no harm is no foul.
I’m 35 and have struggled with commitment all my dating life (since I was 18). I have broken up with every boyfriend I have had, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes for someone else, sometimes because they developed deal breakers (became verbally abusive after we lived together, became an alcoholic). I worry sometimes that I have a deep fear of commitment or have I just not found the right person who suits me yet. Women can be exactly like men with regards to monogamy. I am now interested in someone I have known since high school, but he has such deep seeded insecurity issues from not having dated in a decade, I worry it will just go nowhere yet again. The pool of men at my age without loads of baggage seems to be few and far between. I often wonder if I will have a string of both long and short term relationships my entire life. I want to get married, but not just for the sake of doing it; I want to be truly committed and in love with the person. That I find to be the thing that is so hard to find. A lot of people I know have married simply to have kids with someone (no grand love affair; they reached a certain age and having kids is the #1 priority) or to get married; most see it as a checklist sort of thing that will eventually end(and they are typically not happy with their partner). I find those relationships depressing to say the least and to bring children into such an environment equally as depressing.
I wish more people would talk about the moral pressure to be in monogamous relationships in our society. If that works for you great, but we treat divorce like its some kind of shameful failure or being single as a great tragedy. There so much judgement passed on people who struggle with the idea monogamy, it’s refreshing for someone to outright say they think it doesn’t make sense.
To be fair, what else is he going to say? His sexual preferences and escapades are well-known and well documented. It’s not as if he could sit there pontificating about monogamy and expect to be taken seriously.
Ultimately, it is his lifestyle choice-these women are well aware of what they’re getting into, and he makes them no false promises. It’s not what I would choose, but I have more respect for this guy than the many men who marry or get into long term relationships with no intention of honouring the agreement or giving up their side pieces.
Most of my friends are divorced and most on their second marriage. I know unhappily married couples. I have seen many supposedly devoted husbands hitting on women or having affairs and wives I guess are clueless and several married female co-workers having affairs.
Isn’t the divorce rate like 50 percent onfirst marriages?
I think there’s a lot of people who didnt make it 40 years together in monagamous bliss
I wrote similar on my above comment—I know 90% of my married and or now divorced friends who were/are unhappy in their marriages, either gender who had affairs, married just to have kids, etc. I find a lot of people who say well I don’t know people who are having problems don’t really talk to their friends about issues, because for whatever reason, people tend to confide in me more than others and then I tell those friends who said their other friends didn’t have issues, oh they most certainly do, moreso than you’d ever imagine! I met a girl a few weeks back on a yoga retreat, accomplished lawyer, her husband was an engineer and he had a heroin addiction the entire time they were married and she had no idea!
I’m 43 now and among my peers and older siblings, I know of way more unhappy marriages than happy ones. It’s not 90/10 but maybe 70/30 unhappy/happy. Some of the lucky ones realized they were with the wrong person in their late 30s and found someone new (and the 2nd go-rounds do seem like much better fits) in their early 40s. But the 50-somethings I know who have stayed together just seem to think it’s too late for them to get out and start over with someone new. They’re just reconciled to being unhappily married for life, it seems.
I also have a couple of instances of people who found out appalling secrets about their spouses recently (so, early 40s). People can think they’re happily married — and find out that they’re wrong!
One of the best-case scenarios I know is a couple who went to counseling and were able to turn around a marriage quickly heading into really terrible territory and divorce. Sometimes kids can just put a marriage through hell and apparently therapy can do wonders.
Fortunately I do know some people who are quite happily married (I am one of them) but it is not the majority, that’s for sure.
I don’t really get this. If you’re best friends with this person what secrets would end things? I mean, unless they’re hiding their sexual orientation, or they’re an axe murderer or they’re attracted to dolphins or have contracted herpes or something, I don’t see why things would need to change. I honestly can’t think of a single secret that would make me want to leave my husband.
Addictions. Impulsive decisions. Affairs. I feel like those are things that people can overcome. We’re all humans. We’re going to mess up. The point of marriage to me is short of anything abusive or psychologically debilitating, to accept someone come what may and forgive what might seem irrevocable in a typical friendship or casual relationship. The net strength and support that’s gained from eachother is greater than the input.
I see happiness as an inside job too. Since when is it your partner’s responsibility to make you happy or cater to your ideals? You compromise. You create your own happiness by taking care of yourself. No matter who you’re with. Part of me feels like we can have this grass is greener culture and social media and the Internet has definitely not helped much in terms of taking personal responsibility for one’s emotional and psychological health. But yeah, if you’re unhappily married, unless it’s a dire situation or you are suffering from abuse, it’s probably 80% you an 20% them.
It’s true that many marriages are unhappy or end in divorce, but to me the risk is worth it just to try to be the ones who are successful at it and end up with a life partner and/or children. I think it is changing expectations from previous generations but it also largely depends on yourself and whom you end up marrying. It’s also why that this day in age most people are better off waiting to marry in their late 20s and 30s. Know yourself and what you want, get an education, travel, work, do something independent which is especially true for women. Get whatever you want to do out of your system so you don’t marry with regrets or any what ifs. I think people who marry at a more mature age have a much better chance at a successful marriage also because we get better at weeding out the jerks like Hugh Grant for men who are ready for a try at a monogamous relationship.
Yes! I love that we are shifting to a later and later age of marriage, that singleness is losing its stigma, and that it is becoming 100% acceptable to spend lots of timing finding out who you are before marriage. It is still an institution at the end of the day, that’s not for everyone. I’m grateful to the women who continue to change things as they pursue careers and/or raise children independently, or just forego marriage for personal reasons. So much respect for the single ladies and the single mamas. I think kids are taking it more seriously these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if the 50% divorce rate is actually dead wrong among millineals.
Justjj: In response to your second to last comment, I am unsure I agree fully about overcoming certain issues that some have viewed as not so bad. I have a good friend on her third marriage and their issue is sex and the lack thereof. She seriously feels unwanted and unloved because her partner has serious issues with testosterone. I am not sure anything will fix their problem for they’ve tried everything(including therapy).
I also was in a long term relationship where my partner did not want to have sex with me much at all and come to find out, he was bothered by my weight gain. These were serious issues that could not be fixed. From the outside, he seemed like such a nice guy, the perfect guy, but ultimately he wanted me 40 lbs thinner and found me less attractive because of it. I felt like if I were ever in an accident or gained more weight (I gained weight due to a medical condition) or got pregnant, I’d have felt even worse than I did because he made it very clear to me he would not find me attractive at all. This was someone I had been with for 9 years. Had I realized he would have conditionally loved me, I would have never gotten involved with him to begin with.
These are just some examples where it wasn’t abuse, but severe neglect and lack of intimacy can create serious issues that are just as bad as abuse emotionally speaking.
I also feel like lack of communication is a MAJOR problem why so many marriages split up. I have had many friends bring up issues I was shocked didn’t get discussed prior to marriage. My best friend is having issues with his wife (I wouldn’t be surprised if he is the next one to divorce) and their major problem is a lack of communication—after 14 years together you’d think you’d learn to communicate with one another but they both are sweep it under the rug don’t talk about it types where their issues have morphed into huge things now.
I don’t like the généralisation and he sounds like an ass but I give him points for honesty and for living by his words. Better a cheater than a lying cheater I guess.
Monogamy doesn’t feel like a burden to me but it can be for some. I know happily and unhappily married people, happy celibs and people who lost themselves in meaningless sex intercourse. It’s not easy to figure out what You want/need. If HG did then good for him.
I believe I know a bit about the chap. He meant: “Alcoholic narcissists are not meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous relationships.” When your own mother said she’d pity the woman who’d marry you, that pretty much sums it up. Hugh’s brother is not only more handsome and more talented, he was the favourite son of their parents. He’s the son with a conscience. Good on him and joy for his wife.
What an insufferable, arrogant gasbag. Please take a seat Hugh, you don’t speak for mankind.
Bitch needs to take a seat. He deffinitely is not someone i would seek a relationship advice from. He is just trying to sell all his crap he has done in his life as some deep understanding of human nature
I got married once. It did not take long for me to realize it was not for me. Why do all, ok, most men want to make you their mama. I find encounters more satisfying sexually than married sex. It’s best I stay single. I raised my kids alone with no regrets. Kept my sex life away from our home for my childrens mental health. am now a senior and still happy with my choices.
I like monogamy. It suits me down to the ground. I’ve been happily married for 25 years, and it seems to suit my husband just fine, too. 🤓 Not every guy wants to chase women their entire lives.
I mean, sure, I agree with him that it’s probably not biologically innate. But the whole hoohah of being human is our cognitive advancement, so we shouldn’t pretend that biology dictates all of our behavior. Some people want monogamy, some people want polyamory, others want a mix of both…and some people are just careless assholes who want to do what they want regardless of consequences and shouldn’t be subjecting anybody to forty years of marriage to them. F*ck who you want, dude, just use a condom.
(I’m always amused that it’s men making this complaint, yeah? Like they didn’t have thousands of years of socially acceptable polygamy. It’s women who’ve always been restricted, and the newfound restrictions on men only came out following the women’s rights movement. We could’ve made this a whole lot easier on everybody by simply getting rid of the fetishization of female virginity and slut shaming and making the playing field even for everybody, but nope. We all get to be frustrated now.)
Thank you for that second part of the comment.
It’s really funny that in all culture that practice polygamy, it is only ever that. Men in Muslim can marry four women and they can divorce them and force them out the house without any money no custody – but women get stoned if they have extramarital sex. Of course, no woman can marry four men either. In all societies that practice polygamy is has come with horrendous consequences for women’s right.
But I like this whole interview thing, because, see, before interviews I would probably liked people if they made mildly aggreeable movies or albums. Now, I don’t have to once I see who they really are. Hugh Grant is one of them. Big time.
Most man can handle being with one woman, being involved with several women is hard work.
He strikes me as too lazy/noncommital for marriage, and that’s fine, but the philosophizing that it’s “not natural” for other people who do find happiness in monogamy is just evidence of his immaturity. Different strokes for different folks, Hugh, just because you can’t settle on one woman doesn’t mean other people can’t. I am in the weird position of having a marriage that has outlasted most of my friends’ marriages, it is an odd feeling. I don’t think every marriage does work, but that doesn’t mean the whole concept is pointless. And I don’t feel tied to staying married, philosophically, at all. I think about what my life would be like sometimes, if we’re having a rough patch, which tbh is pretty rare with us, but I do think about it, and I don’t feel scared of being alone or anything like that. If anything I have an inner freedom seeking urge (more like a wanderlust) that is my own worst enemy when it comes to staying put with the same person. So even if it’s not like your deepest human urge to be with one person forever, it is possible, if you are with a person who makes it worthwhile and continues to make an effort (and vice versa). Of course when you first meet and it’s love and soul mates and all of that good stuff it’s easy and fun. It’s up to you if you are willing to have that be less dramatic, less of a driving force. Some people put a lot of effort into trying to recreate that but I prefer to be surprised when you get a random moment that does it naturally. Most of the people I know who got divorced around the age I am now seemed to simply get bored/tired of trying to make it work. And I understand that, it is work. It’s way more fun to meet a new sexy person and start over. But then you’re just chasing the dragon, I guess that’s ok too but I wish people who needed that as their source of happiness would not try to be married, because that’s when people get hurt.