Here are some photos of Natalie Portman outside of ABC Studios yesterday. She appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to promote A Tale of Love and Darkness, which isn’t getting the best reviews. People don’t flat-out hate it, they just think the film is sort of depressing. Still, it’s got a 63% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is better than I was expecting. Anyway, as we discussed earlier this week, Natalie is back in America, seemingly for good. Her husband left his job in Paris, and I think they’re splitting their time between New York and LA. That’s what Portman discussed with Kimmel last night: what it’s like to come back to America after living abroad for a few years. As we already know, Portman thinks Parisians/French are judgmental (too judgmental) about clothing and fashion. She tells Kimmel that she just thinks Americans are nicer and more hospitable in general too.
She says: “Everyone smiles a lot here. It’s so nice. They’re more cool in France. I didn’t realize I got used to it until I got here and I was so surprised.” She says she was startled when she arrived back in LA and people would smile at her for no reason, or say something nice about her son. She also says that in Paris, “I feel there’s a lot of rules of politeness and codes of behavior there you have to follow. It’s a lot looser here….[in America] You care about making the person next to you comfortable because you want them to feel good.”
She says that there are all of these rules about shopping in the fancy Paris stores too, that you have to say hello to the sales people or they will be rude to you. Which reminded me of that Oprah kerfuffle several years back, when Oprah claimed (and I believed her) that she was mistreated by a clerk in Zurich. People in those fancy boutiques really don’t want Americans to spend money, I guess. Because I don’t give a sh-t if I didn’t say “hello/bonjour” to a clerk, if I get sh-tty service, I’m not spending the money. Customers are not there to be polite to sales people. Sales people are there to be polite to customers. Is that super-gauche-American of me? Sure. But I’ve worked sales before and I would never be rude to a customer if they didn’t say hello to me, or they just asked for a different size or whatever.
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.
Ok we get it Natalie, Just divorce and go away then.
The hello rule is True and justified I think ( but I’m french, hehe)
I’m an American who’s lived in Paris, Caen, and a little village called Treignac.
American business hustle is a real thing. The famous example goes like this:
European shopkeeper: Funny thing, people come in here all the time to buy a postcard, then they ask us if we sell pens. But we don’t sell pens.
American shopkeeper: What color pen you want? I got blue, I got black, I got red, green. If you buy four postcards, I’ll give you 25% off a pen.
As for friendliness, French friendliness is more genuine. U.S. friendliness is more superficial. If someone says to me, “Let’s have lunch”, I know we may not, it’s just a greeting, almost. In France, if someone says, “Let’s have lunch”, they really tend to mean it.
I hate experiencing the American Hustle while shopping (just leave me be please!!) I’m impressed at the brilliance of it though. It all comes down to culture and what virtues yours emphasize. Neither is right or wrong, but some people will be more comfortable with one over the other. Here in the US entrepreneurial drive is definitely a virtue, we tend to forgive the hustle if you are successful in its application.
Its the same with the friendliness. Neither culture is actually more genuine or friendly, we just have different definitions of what genuine friendliness is. Saying “lets have lunch” and not following through doesn’t mean the person wasn’t genuine in that request. Not smiling at all and sundry doesn’t mean the person wouldn’t be kind if you stopped to ask a question.
But thats just my two cents about the situation. Personally I think Natalie needs to take a seat NOW, because all these little comments are pitting people against each other as they debate whether she’s right or not.
@La Ti Da
I think you’re absolutely right, but that’s too nuanced and doesn’t make a good sound bite, I guess.
My only thing is: I can literally count on the finger of 1 hand the number of people in America who said “let’s have lunch” and proved that they meant it (as in – at least reached out to try and schedule one, even if it eventually didn’t happen, I can appreciate the attempt and the fact that sometimes life gets in the way of our intention). I mean, aside from 2-3 best friends with whom we lunch regularly. So, I do kind of feel like it’s a fair “accusation”. I’m not American, and I usually don’t suggest lunch if I don’t intend to at least text about it later.
@Timbuktu
Yes, Mrs. Wellen-Mellon is correct with that example. The more I thought on it I had to agree with her that without any attempt to follow-through the person is being disingenuously friendly. Perhaps its a poorly executed attempt to be polite, but its fake all the same. I still think both cultures are basically equivalent in how friendly they are, but again what one defines friendly another considers fake.
Absolutely. I worked with a lot of Africans (Africans, not African Americans) last year, and certain things seemed quite jarring to me at first, but after I got to know people, I realized that some of those things were meant to be very friendly, actually. It’s all about learning the cultural codes. If you apply your own to everyone else, you will inevitably find foreigners rude. But if you’re willing to recognize that there’s more than 1 way to be polite, you will quickly learn than most people are rather nice.
I am a Canadian lived in Paris for 4 years and has lived in the US for 2 and I agree with her. Americans are friendly in comparison to Parisians, however people in other parts of France ( particularly the north west and the south) are kind and genuine. I think it’s just Parisians, they tend to give the rest of France a bad rap.
The American Hustle is very real and very exhausting. My daughter is getting married next year and wanted me to go to a Bridal expo with her to get ideas for her wedding. I hadn’t been to one before so I didn’t know what to expect but I was completely unprepared for what it was. We were charged admission, which is fine. Then we were basically shuttled through like cattle, very slowly, from vendor to vendor as each one very aggressively gave us the full court press. It was kind of bizarre. So basically we paid admission so they could try to sell us an overpriced barn rental for 6 hours? I don’t know if all bridal shows are that way or it was just this one in our area but at any rate the experience was strange to say the least.
The hello rule is justified, sure. But in the US like in France, it only really applies to smaller stores. Far less likely to matter at Monoprix or Target.
When I watched the clip, it seems like Natalie was genuinely surprised by how different it was in LA and not making a judgment (Kimmel said it was like a city of Laker girls, which isn’t really favorable) then internally realized the way the conversation was going she could be criticized for implying Americans are like puppies and added that people are really nice. It didn’t seem like a dis of Paris at all to me. And it is a huge shift, Paris to LA, in terms of the space, the amount of advertising thrown at you, the light, and yes, the different ways people move through the space. Angelenos sure aren’t friendlier when they get behind the wheel…
People in LA specifically are just cooler in general than lots of parts of the country. Are Parisians friendlier than Bostonians? I’m not sure. There are some pretty hurried parts of the East Coast and times when I feel like shop workers and retail people expect a certain decorum from me, for sure. Whereas in LA you can walk into pretty much anywhere for lunch looking a mess and not being particularly warm and they will be nice to you. Ditto for lots of higher priced stores. I don’t know if comparing LA to Paris is a fair sample of the US attitude overall though. It’s just more laid back there.
Bonjour to Ms. Portman. When in another’s country why not go along to get along?
Why do Americans feel they have to inflict their culture, their standards on every one wherever they visit? I always believe and try to respect and be respectful of the people and the culture and practices where I am visiting.
Signed, pretends to not be American (that means soft spoken,not obnoxious loud talking and rude) and gets complimented for not acting “American” while visiting and touring other countries.
Just my perspective, but I’ve traveled the world quite a lot and I also get backhanded compliments like, “You aren’t like the average American!” Funny enough, though, I don’t often see American tourists acting that way, but I do see a lot of a-holes from all countries continuing being a-holes while they travel. Americans are more overtly nice in LA because it’s a service industry city, but go to New York and you’ll see all the same behaviors of people who live in a large, fashionable, metropolitan city.
Well she never advocated not going along with the rules of behavior in Paris or said she refused to. She is simply making a comparison about how it is in Paris vs. how it is in the U.S./L.A. And as an American who has lived abroad for many years and traveled a lot, I honestly don’t understand where Americans get this bad rap of being rude and obnoxious. Maybe the teenagers on tour buses are like that. I just don’t see it. When I first moved abroad I expected to get a lot of “hate” for being American, and that just was not/is not the case. We are widely regarded as friendly and generous. The only stereotype that people in the rest of the world adhere to about Americans is that we are all fat. So people are often surprised I’m American simply because I’m thin.
At this point I’m wondering if these are jabs at her husband and a set up for a split?
For sure it is some kind of set up. It is way too contrived to be otherwise.
But her husband has been living in nyc for years and years and is so Americanized at this point that he felt stifled by the bureaucracy of the Opéra. He’s the reason they are coming back–he’s got a great career in LA now too, in terms of being an artistic director and choreographer. And with his dance co, the Colburn School, and the new multimillion $ program at USC, classical dance is taking off in LA. What am I missing? How are her comments about France jabs at him?
Firstly, I am Native New Yorker, and have to say that I have received rude attitudes, and catty looks, from quite a few sales people in Manhattan. Good for you Kaiser, for being a caring sales person, as that can really make, or break, a sales experience.
Secondly, I think it is cowardly, and very disrespectful, to disparage one country in the press of a different country. Gwyneth Paltrow, I am also looking at you.
Why do people personalize everything? It seems to me she is just commenting on cultural differences…some preferences favor Americans, other preferences favor French. Anyone who moves a lot to different countries will find themselves spending a great deal of time talking/thinking about such differences. Idk why listeners/readers interpret this as a criticism of the US/France. You can observe or dislike a cultural difference without having any negative feelings whatsoever about the country in question. It seeks quite stupid to shut down conversation that genuinely aims to navigate such differences with a “well, go back to where you came from!” Like that attitude isn’t responsible for a great deal of evil in the world?
I am not that kind of person and wouldn’t have say that if homegirl wasn’t complaining big time about parisians/french people. It’s the second time in a few days. And I feel her comments are demeaning. There’s no need to criticize one thing to appreciate another. No one is holding her there.
Yeah, I guess it’s what you’re used to. When I’m in the US I always wonder why everybody is always smiling. I keep checking if there is something funny with my hair or my clothes 😉
BTW people here are in fact just as nice, but when you are used to the in-your-face smiling and “awesome, gorgeous” language you will probably not notice it. It’s more low-key.
She doesn’t seem super-friendly herself though. Maybe the French are respecting her privacy if she’s hobnobbing with the elite.
All of her smiles seem awkward or painful.
Is it just me, or she hasn’t talked about any other topic in the last 2 years? I know she keeps getting asked about but god damn, girl. We get it. You live in France now.
She just changed points of view, but you are right. First Paris was awesome because people there only want to spend their time in museums and talk about important social and political issues during suppers while Americans are a bunch of uncout morons who only talk about football and boobs. Then there was the “I prefer american gyms because they are kid friendly, but I like that I am not forced to be around american idiots!”. Now this. I guess it’ s because she was happy with his husband in the beginning, then they started having problems but still going on, and now they’ re on the brink of divorce so Paris and France are hell holes where no civilized person is welcome.
Yeah, it seems like only yesterday she was talking about what a relief is was to be in Paris instead of slumming it in the US. Now she is all Murica. I think she’s just laying the groundwork for a divorce.
Where did the divorce rumours fome from?
She was seen a month ago or so without her wedding ring and looking very pissed (not her usual resting bitch face but furious), but in general, no one ever really bought her marriage. It is a known fact that he cheated on his long time girlfriend with NP when they were making Black Swan and that it was just a matter of time before he did it to her. NP and her husband never showed any kind of chemistry or affection for one other, and there are also rumours that their child is not his and that they married to give the other man an alibi (he was married at the time) and because Millepied is kind of an irrelevant famewhore who wanted some money and attention by being with a Hollywood star. It didn’ t happen because no one likes him, and very few people like her.
WHOA! I want to hear more about this, @JWQ. This is just the kind of dirty entanglement I love.
That is pretty much it though.
They met during the making of Black Swan, he was one of the coreographers/dancers. He was in a relationship with a woman, and during the production it was rumoured that NP was having an affair with the director of the movie, Darren Aronofski, who, at the time, was with Rachel Weisz. Soon after the wrapping up of the movie, it was revealed she was pregnant and that the father was Millepied who apparently had cheated on his girlfriend with Portman. The pregnancy and the love story were HEAVILY milked for everything they were worth in order for her to get the (very) undeserved Oscar she has said multiple times that she totally doesn’ t care about! LOTS of people started thinking that the child was, in fact, Aronofski’ s (also thanks to the fact that they do look alike), who in the meantime broke up with Weisz, allegedly because of his cheating with Portman.
The fact that Millepied and Portman got married after a very short engagement and that she was pregnant made people think that it was just a cover up for the fact that Portman didn’ t want to be seen as a homewrecker slut, or, alternatively, that Aronofski refused to recognize the child and she didn’ t want to give birth to a bastard out of wedlock, so she and Millepied decided to get married and co-parent the kid, with her getting her respectable family, and him getting her money and fame. Except it didn’ t work out that much, because he is still a nobody, and she is becoming increasingly grating for the greater public, so now it is speculated that they are very close to divorce.
This. When I read the title of this thread, I was like, didn’t you just slammed America 2 years ago comparing how it sucks compared to her beloved new home in France? She was so obnoxious. And now she’s flipping the switch.
I have been to Paris several times and have never had a negative experience, which is not something I can say about some places in the US. I wish Natalie would stop it with the anti-French stereotypes so many Americans put forth. Natalie, maybe it was you?
And I almost always acknowledge the shopkeeper with a smile and nod or a “hi.”
I was in Paris for a month and got used to calling out “bonjour!” when I entered a store or had pretty much any commercial interaction. My husband picked me up at the airport when I came home, and I remember being shocked by how rude it felt to pay the parking fee to the guy in the booth without greeting him first. Maybe I’m biased because I live in a small tourist town, but saying “hi” to the salesclerk when you walk into a store seems like common courtesy to me.
@hear-hear!
I just spent 3 weeks in France, coming straight from America, and I was shocked by how NICE everyone was. Little courtesies are extremely common. Like, I NEVER had to ask or wait for help carrying the stroller up or down the stairs (they have a lot of stairs in Paris subway, they are hard to avoid). People help you nearly automatically. In America, I’ve had people (men, mostly) enter the store right in front of me and not willing to hold the door for me.
The only European country Ive ever had a bad experience with rude people has been Luxembourg. Parisians have, on more than one occasion, walked me to my destination when I’ve been lost. I’ve never been treated rudely in any part of France, and I’ve spent a total of about 3 months there between study and travel.
@Jen43
THANK YOU! I posted something along the same lines on my FB, and I had a ton of people tell me that the only reason people were nice to me was because I spoke French well. Which is patently not true, because my I’ve seen people be very patient and nice with my parents, who don’t speak a lick of French.
I’ve never understood the hate against Paris, I’ve been there a lot when I lived in Europe and the people were always friendly – if you attempted to speak French. (Which I did, but I’m sure butchered).
For example, while touring Père Lachaise Cemetery, I was lost and looking for Jim Morrison’s grave. I asked a nice old gentleman who was feeding the birds where it was in my high school french. Long story short, he spoke English. He had helped the Americans liberate Paris from the Nazis and loved the US. He gave me a personalized tour of the cemetery that day for allowing him to work on “improving” his English. One of my most fond memories, so I love Parisians. Natalie can bite me.
Premise: I love, love Paris and its atmosphere. I am Italian and live in Rome, where people can be rather blunt. The first time I went to France I really thought Parisians were beyond awful. However, the second time I found them OK. But, in all truth, they are indeed unnecessarily brusque in general. After all, isn’t ‘chauvinism’ a term derived from the French? Hence, I much prefer Americans, even though I would rather live in France because I find the French way of life more congenial. They are supposed to be our ‘cousins’ after all.
Love your story, thank you!
I have never had anything but lovely experiences in Paris. The people are wonderful. Ask an American for directions, and they will point. Maybe. Ask a Parisian, and they will go out of their way and walk with you to make sure you find that weird little hard-to-find cafe.
I dunno, I think it’s kind of hard to say that ALL of France is less friendly than ALL of America. I know my French friends (non-PArisians, all of them) would be inclined to agree with her – they are always complaining about how the Parisians take over their little ski village during the February season and are cheap as hell and don’t want to pay for anything and are rude…etc. It’s all very regional isn’t it? People say that New Yorkers are rude, but I find them to be some of the most open people in the world..
she is starting to grate on my nerves. Maybe they are not friendly to you because they can feel that you are a judgemental asshole. I just spent two months working in Paris and pretty much everyone – from colleagues to random people on the street or in the restaurants, or in perfume stores – was consistently super nice, super friendly to me and smiled a lot.
My last visit, I brought a cousin who had never traveled and spoke only English. As soon as people realized I was translating for her, they would switch the conversation to English for her. Some went out of their way to make sure she was comfortable and had a great time. She can’t wait to go back
Her comments are quite ironic since there have been rumours about her being really rude to the neighbours in her building in NY.
So true. She also has a rep for being rude to fans as well, u know the people who pay to go c her movies. She’s just an all round rude, arrogant person.
Ask people who lived near her in Sea Cliff, NY. Quite rude, standoffish, and never cleaned up after her dogs.
OMG she keeps babbling.
wow.
she really has no more interest in going back to Paris then.
I am sure Benjamin is very happy about her statements.
Divorce in less than 3 months?
I think she missed home, felt out of her depth in Paris, and just feels happy to be back in a culture that feels comfortable and familiar to her. Plus, she’s always come off a little bit superior, so maybe she’s getting a kick out of sticking it to the Parisians who (she believes) made her feel so weird and different.
I can imagine she felt intimidated by parisian/European society where she wouldn’t b able to Lord it over people with her Hollywood airs and pretentiousness. If anyone can out pretentiousness Natalie it’s Parisians. I know a few and they r always good intelligent conversation and fun. They r also very cultured and love art.
I think you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat someone in the service industry . I have a very best friend of 20 years who by all accounts is a really amazing person. However, when it came to her manners with servers at restaurants , it was horrible . So finally after one uncomfortable encounter , I butted in and said,” I apologize for my friend. She’s a good person , just socially challenged . ” Right in front of her. Why did I do that? Because I wanted her to understand that being talked down too is humiliating and that nobody deserve that treatment . Also, she needed to understand that she needs to be more mindful .
What? Seriously though, it is not too much to ask to walk into a store and say hello. You’re not required to but it’s the polite thing to do. Sales people aren’t my servants. I expect a certain level of manners from everyone, no matter where I meet them or who they are. The ones in luxury brand stores have learned, btw. They’ve become a lot less snooty in the past few years (at least here in Germany). Also, it is a lot less common in many European countries to be super nice to strangers or comment on their children (wtf?). Don’t tell me sales people or waiters in the U.S. are honestly this nice. They’re forced to and it’s obvious in many cases. I don’t know which is worse, rude sales people here or fake ones over there. And before anyone yells at me, no, not ALL of them. The nicest people I’ve ever encountered were Irish and Swedes. It just felt like they were honestly very nice and polite people.
It baffles me that someone would walk into a shop and not say “hello” or “good day” or whatever the formal greeting is. Of course you don’t do it in large supermarkets, but if you walk in somewhere where the shop employee can hear you of course you have to greet them, It’s polite.
If a shop employee says hi to me, I’ll say hi to them back. But I always figured they’d think I was a little weird if I said hello to them without being greeted first, because my default assumption is that they’re busy with their work.
Even if I don’t say hello I look at them, smile and acknowledge their presence. The smaller and emptier the store, the more natural this attitude is. For me this is basic civilized, polite behaviour.
Natalie keeps talking and she could have really good examples of how horrible French are, but so far what she shares says more about her than about Parisian people.
I think there’s a subset of shoppers who don’t like to be served or waited on, and it may come off a bit rude when they come into a shop fully focused on getting things. For them the staff is unnecessary. I don’t like to be waited on and find that online shopping or buffets and huge department stores suit me the best. It wouldn’t occur to me to greet the staff because I am hyper-focused on going in, getting what I need, then leaving. People don’t seem to do that initial greeting where I live anyways. If I need help, I would of course greet the staff first, and not treat them like they’re my servant. I think many people are like me and there’s nothing particularly wrong with that, but some shop cultures just don’t suit us.
Yeah, I don’t understand how it’s so hard to greet people when you walk into a shop. It’s not like you have to have a 20 minute conversation, just say “bonjour” and acknowledge the shopkeep’s presence. It’s just part of being polite and respecting the norms of the place. When you’re traveling there are lots of little things like that that are just “different” from place to place, like tipping in restaurants for example. You just adapt to wherever you are and get over it. Someone once explained the small shop culture to me, not sure if this is true, but that basically when entering a small shop in France, it’s like you’re entering an extension of someone’s home, and you wouldn’t do that without acknowledging their presence with a simple “hello” and “goodbye”.
Also, add me to the list of US people who have had great experiences traveling in Paris. Almost to a person, people were gracious and helpful when I needed directions or assistance trying to order something, or just being cordial talking about the day/the setting/the sights. The only problem I had was some guy who scammed me out of some money while “helping” at the Metro ticket machine. But the same thing could have happened in any large city, because I was young and a bit too trusting in that setting.
I’m Portuguese and it’s rude entering a store, café, restaurant or any service and not saying “Good morning” or “Hello”. I mean, it’s all about being nice and polite and treat people with respect. I’ve been to Paris, never thought French were impolite, I think she’s just being an idiot.
And in Portugal, foreigners who try to say “Hello” or “Thank you” in Portuguese (also something we value a lot) end up being even more well treated, and we always try to speak the other languages to accomodate people. British who have lived in Portugal for 10 or more years have never learnt Portuguese because we make their lives easy by speaking Portuguese, Every country I go to, I try to learn greetings, apologizing (excuse me) and thanking in that country’s language, I think it shows my respect towards their culture and language… Travelling has made me learn lots of things in other languages because of that tendency.
I’m Portuguese too and I can confirm everything @Solanacaea wrote:D
I’m french and have been living in France for 35 years now. I have a 3 year-old son, and people smile or talk to him (and me) all the time in the streets. Maybe YOU were the problem here, Natalie ?? Anyway, like we say, bon débarras (good riddance), and please, please, STAY IN AMERICA.
I was in Española Way in Miami some months ago, having lunch with my mum at a mexican restaurant, and there was a french family sitting right next to us and their 1 year old started talking ot us, and wanted to play with my hat, etc. They were very polite and friendly.
Every big city has a**holes in it, but not everyone is like that.
My son does that all the time ! He keeps charming people everywhere he goes, and always brings a smile to everybody’s face. Neither his father nor I have ever been very good with strangers, I just don’t know how he does it ! That’s a cute story.
I’m an American who spent 8 weeks in France over 2 occasions. I was feckless enough to take my 6 month old to France so we got one of those baby backpacks, added my mom for insurance and hoped for the best. I’m quite sure I butchered the phrases but I kept my Frenchbook in hand and tried my utmost to fit in and to do as the French do. I wasn’t just treated fairly, I was warmly welcomed so many times I couldn’t keep track. And that 6 month old had Parisians all over town making funny faces, funny noises and gags just to make him laugh, all of which he found hilarious. Nothing but high praise from me.
It is exactly like that in Vienna too. Sales people always give you the three-point go over – what are your shoes like, what kind of watch do you wear, which designer is your handbag – then they decide whether to acknowledge your presence. My good friend (who happens to be a visible minority, and very well off) was pulled aside at Cachil on Marc Aurel Strasse (I’m name checking it so no one will shop there) and told she should probably save herself some embarrassment and leave because they only sell very expensive things!!! It’s crazy!! I would often complain to my husband (Austrian) that Pretty Woman should be required viewing for all sales staff in Vienna. When we would return to Canada to visit the first thing we’d notice is how friendly sales staff and people in general are. Then returning to Vienna how miserable and rude…..my husband would roll his eyes and say to me “Willkommen zurueck”
But it’s not “like that” at all in Paris. I walked into a Serge Lutens boutique in shorts, a t-shirt and crocs after a day of walking around Paris and taking a boat ride on a windy day (i.e. my hair was a mess, my clothes were wrinkled). I had no watch and cheap shoes (I did have an ok bag, I suppose, but not a big brand name). The person was super nice to me, I couldn’t have asked for better service.
Angie Jolie light.
Angie doesnt talk crap about others in public. (despite often being the target)
I personally love that the customer isn’t always right in France. People can be awful, entitled assholes to shop assistants/servers, etc. In France, employees don’t have to take that kind of crap, which makes for a better working environment for them and a much nicer experience for the non-asshole customers. American “customer service” is too pushy and obviously forced, it actually makes me uncomfortable. People can be blunt in Paris, but once you get used to that it is refreshing, I guess unless you’re a special snowflake who needs their feelings wrapped in cotton wool.
Omg, she’s full of it. Couple of years ago she was so happy about moving to France, but now she hates it? Lol
Yes this. A couple of years ago she was France is great and America sucks, now it’s France sucks and America is great👍👍
She giving me Goop/Madonna vibes here. When the were married, England was everything they even fake British accents. Once they got divorce, England was no longer great and America was a fantastic place live🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 These people are exhausting.
I think that for a long time, Natalie had stars in her eyes when it came to Paris and all things French… until she actually experienced what it was like in France (a real country, with good and bad–just like any country). Before she moved there, she talked about how her dad named her after some French person (actress maybe?), and couldn’t stop gushing about her love of French things. I bet one of the reasons she married Benjamin was that she thought, “Well, of course! It was all meant to be! I’m supposed to marry a Frenchman and live in France!” She’d romanticized it so much that she couldn’t deal with the reality of living there.
I agree, but not for the reasons she would think, I suspect. France was, hands down, the most racially hostile place I’ve ever been. For all America’s issues, I’ve actually encountered less direct racial animus here. Americans are odd in that they can judge the heck out of you but still be very nice to you. I attribute it to the whole Christian “hate the sin, love the sinner” type of thing. You can know that they totally are judging you internally, but they’ll still offer you a piece of pie. But that’s not so bad.
LOL, same. As a visible minority (not Muslim) France was a bit… hostile to me.
I don’t usually comment here but I want to say I fully agree with this. I had to go to Paris for a seminar and stayed there for a week. The hostility ruined my experience. I couldn’t ask anyone for anything because they stared at me with disgust or fear. Many people also acted like they couldnt understand my French – which is poor I admit, but I was using very basic and easily understandable sentences. They didn’t even try to help me.
This didn’t happen to me only in Paris, but it happened a lot (a big lot) more than any other city I’ve ever been to. Paris is beautiful, but I’m not sure if I want to go again unless I’m staying with family or friends.
I think it’s important to not universalize the white travel experience. POC’s travelling experiences can be quite different from white people. When my husband and I were in Paris, we were treated adequately, not amazing but just fine. It helped that he speaks perfect French.
When we visited Rome, it was a mixed bag, suspicious stares in stores and unfriendly service in some restos.
I wish they would make the same kind of guides for different racial minorities as they do for women and LGBQT travellers.
Sam I agree with your comment about the US, particularly as someone who lives in the South.
“Customers are not there to be polite to sales people. Sales people are there to be polite to customers.” – or you know, everyone should be polite because they’re decent human beings?
Regarding the smiling thing – it’s a cultural thing. It depends on the neutral face – in America it’s a smile, in most of Europe it’s a serious expression. Here, if a stranger smiles at you in the street, they either want to sell you something, they want you to join their cult or they’re slightly mental. People are generally nice and friendly, but chit chatting with strangers is not common. The only people who do that are old ladies.
And regarding the service industry, people who work in shops, cafes, restaurants etc. are friendly and cordial, but that kind of pushy, super friendly “the customer is always right” thing you have in the US wouldn’t fly here. Probably because they don’t depend on tips, so they don’t have to be. People I know who have been to the US pretty much agree that waiters in the US tend to be quite a nuisance.
Pretty much all of this. From a French who lives in a big city (not Paris) this is just how things go. Say hi when you enter a shop, or when you’re at the check out, at the very least nod/give them a smile. That’s just basic politeness. No,strangers won’t strike up a conversation with you in the street except if you need something or they need something like a lighter or a cigarette.
Ask for help, you’ll generally get it, and in some cases people will even escort you wherever you need to be, if they have the time (I live in a touristy city and I’ve done that myself), if they can’t help they’ll apologize. But thanks Natalie, for furthering the stereotypes.
In rarified circles ( high end brands are a part of that world) knowing the protocol signals to “those in the know” you belong there. So little things like not saying hello indicates you don’t frequently shop there and are likely just window shopping.
Ooh right on Natalie, let us all enforce stereotypes! French are like this and Americans are like that, that’s always a good conversation
I think that is a european thing, they don’t have that superficial friendliness. If the german cashier has a bad day, you’ll know it. But when someone is really nice it is often sincere and they truly care how your day was. In America it’s just a phrase, I feel like. I come from a place where people are a little rough on the outside, but have a heart of gold-type of thing, so I am used to it. They are not rude, but not: Hiiii *smile*smile*smile.
Friendly places are London and Copenhagen. Rome, everyone was quite rude.
Btw, Natalie, just get a divorce already, you seem over your french husband.
I agree. The american 24/7 smile can be disconcerting to some of us. I never know if it’s authentic or an act and for some reason this bothers me.
I’ m sorry, but while I can see your point and I kind of agree that Europeans don’ t pretend to be your best friends like Americans tend to do, we are not talking about this. You will never find a shopkeeper in Europe who greets you like you’ re the second coming of an ice-cream in a very hot day (unless you personally know them), but they always say at least a “Hello”, either when you step inside or when you pay. Whoever upthread said that they don’ t say “Hi” as customers because they’ re afraid of bothering who’ s working is kind of silly, too. We’ re not talking about stopping and molesting them with personal questions, it’ s just simple greetings!
I have never been in a shop in which the cashiers or the clerks don’ t greet you and say “Have a nice day” when you leave. Never, not even supermarkets. Maybe they do it with clenched teeth because they’ re tired or pissed off, but they always do it. And I live in a town that is famous for being full of incredibly grumpy and kind of asocial people!
I always say to supermarket cashiers “Hello” and “have a nice day / weekend/holiday” and they always say it to me… It’s basic politeness…
Saying hi to the cashier as you go to checkout is a bit different than calling out hello as you come into the shop though. I just don’t really recall hearing anyone do that. Some supermarkets are now catering to people who don’t want to interact with the cashier either, via self-checkouts. I don’t really see the problem with people wanting different shopping experiences tbh. Nbd.
No one here is saying that you have to shout your greetings to clerks who are at the other end of the shop as loud as you can. That is silly. But if you enter and and one of them is right there, it is simple courtesy to say “Hello” or at the very least nod at them acknowledging they exist and are not servants. Is it a law? No, but it is manners, and if they treat you like a rude snob because you don’ t do, that is their right, too.
I mean, really, “different shopping experiences” based on your decision to say “Hi” or not? Because not only it is a constitutional right to be kind of a jerk, but it should be respected and never addressed as a problem, otherwise you are oppressed? I guess eating at a restaurant means not even saying “Thanks” to the waiter who brings food, then?
I’ m sure you didn’ t mean it that way, but those three words made me have a vision that sooner than later we will consider greetings and thank yous triggering and there will be safe spaces in which they will treated the same way we (justifyingly) treat racial slur or threats of death.
I don’t believe that it’s a one way thing. I think everyone should be polite. But do I think customers should say hi to me as they enter a store? Eh, don’t care. So long as they are not rude when or if I do say hi to them.
Reading through this thread I have to add to those who say that Parisians were fine to me! Quite lovely in fact. Does it cross Natalie’s mind that it might be her? 😀
Well, she’s right, Americans are more friendly.
Well, you’re wrong. They are not.
See how annoying it is when one is trying to pass their experience and opinion for a fact? 🙂
I live near Toulouse, have family in Paris and have travel around the world many times.
Yes, Parisians tend to be rude, my family included I have to say, at least compared to Toulousains or Lillois for exemple.
And I’m always shocked how nice americans are when I’m in the US.
The way to be friendly depends on countries, but even french people recognize Parisians tend to be rude.
I don’t live in France, but I’ve been there several times over the last 2 decades, different parts of country (Paris every time, too), no less than 2 weeks of stay. I’ve had amazing kind encounters with strangers every time. All of this happened to me in Paris: I had a guy walk me to my hotel when I got lost, I had a restaurant owner offer me a free cup of coffee while I was waiting for my take-out order, I had numerous strangers help me carry a stroller down without me asking, I’ve had people help me with heavy bags, airport people were amazingly helpful and kind to me when I was traveling with children: such a stark contrast to the “I’m just doing my job, kids are not an excuse to skip the line” attitude of American airport workers.
Besides, have you been to New York? New Yorkers have quite a reputation for being very rude and impatient, but somehow that does not prevent the people from perceiving Americans as friendly. I think all major cities that receive a lot of tourists can have impatient locals, but it also makes sense. I used to commute to a large US town with lots of tourists, and I admit I huffed and puffed at them slowing down the traffic on a busy morning in the subway.
I actually don’t find New Yorkers to be rude. I lived in New York City when I first came to the States and found them to be quite friendly and helpful. I still live in New York, primarily (Long Island) and I practice twice a week in Manhattan.
I’ve found NYers to be helpful. Not sure if that’s because they’re used to tourists.
New York drivers? Rude as h*ll! Honking, gesticulating, yelling with windows rolled down. Even outside the city.
I think Parisians are just fine, not flat out rude as is often portrayed, but from my visits, I’m a little bemused that Parisians are judgmental about fashion. The women there look like they just rolled out of bed, no face on, barely ran a brush through their hair. The men are mostly well dressed, though. And French people flat out stare at foreigners, wherever you visit. It can be unnerving.
I think that’s female beauty in paris. Don’t look like you’re trying too hard. Do not wear so much make up, etc.
Don’t look like you’re trying at all, apparently.
We call it effortlessly chic, but I guess you can call it effortless “tout court” 😀
i guess she no longer feels sexier in paris can someone say switcheroo!
Hold onto your money. You can always find someone who wants it more (except if you’re buying an epipen).
How to dismiss two whole nations with one sweeping generalisation.
THIS
Exactly.
ETA: This whole comment thread is very disheartening….people doing the exact same thing for which they are criticizing Natalie. There are wonderful people (and not so wonderful) in all cultures, and I would never say one is better than another. It’s a matter of personal perspective and experience.
so true!! I’m living in UK and in area where (generally) everybody is rude, for a lot of economic/social reasons. If I travel 20 miles east, rural (and rich) area, everybody smiles, chats with other passersby and greets you in the street, let alone in shops.
I’d say rudeness has not much to do with gender, nationality or race, more with a lot of other reasons connected to their lifestyle. I lived in USA & France, I’ve met a lot of friendly people in both places as well as a few who were downright rude.
+1000 Shannon1972. It’s bizarre.
Oh my god I’ve found my people lol.
Reading through this thread was giving me a headache.
+1,000,000 to you guys.
OK, confesion time – the way americans are always smiling creeps me out! I never know if it’s authentic or not? IDK, it confuses me LOL
About the “hello” thing… would they really turn you away because of this? That seems silly.
I think Natalie wants back in the US and that’s why she’s making these comments.
Proper greeting is very important in some cultures and i agree with it.
Call me silly all you want, but i rejected a deal with big food chain manager from Canada for the same reason.
This does not mean Canadian are less friendly, it was this guy only.
As a human we should work on our manners and social politeness is very nice trait.
I’m not going to call you silly on that. My father just undid a business arrangement because the owner’s son was rude to our workers.
Manners are everything. I will not give you a blinding smile whenever I enter a shop or market but I will definitely say hello, good morning/evening, and thank you.
She seems to get more pretentious every time she opens her mouth.
wow she keeps digging. this is turning into some freedom fries fiasco.
in nyc a few years ago she approached on the street just say how delightful she thought my dog was (he is truly, in every way) while she was walking her’s (adorable rescues).
so why not announce yourself when you enter a store?
just thought i’d throw that in the mix, but mostly brag on my dog! 😜
First of all the customer is not always right. This ridiculous culture thing is uniquely American so no, the sales people in stores will not bend over backwards to help you unless you specifically ask for it. We’re all adults, it’s not hard. I hate walking into stores in NYC and getting automatically greeted at the door asking if I need help and asking if I need anything. It’s too much. I’ll say hi and then leave me in peace!
However it is NOT hard to say Bonjour when entering a store Natalie. ONE WORD. And then the shopkeeper will leave you alone unless you ask for it. And she is probably feeling insecure because I doubt she speaks French all that well which I can understand is difficult when it’s hard to communicate.
As for Parisian fashion, it is boring in my opinion. Everyone dresses the same, which is to say in black. I don’t find it chic, just boring. Maybe to Americans it looks chic? I dunno, I am half French and I tend to dress that way too so I never look “American” (whatever that means) when I’m in Paris. People never guess it unless they hear me speak English (I speak French fluently).
A supermarket near me made the cashiers say “Was everything okay?” after you payed and it made people so uncomfortable they had to stop doing it. I read that in Walmart they have a special person whose only job is to greet people. I wonder how that would work here.
In Buenos Aires they worked around this by adding visible workers on the floor with this neon blue waitcoasts that say “I’m here to help”. We know we can approach them and they know they are there to be approached.
Jumbo and Carrefour do not have this. You only greet the person at the till and you can ask them to call Customer Service if you need to speak with them.
This is the new thing is the US: every cashier asks “did you find everything ok?”
Drives me nuts but I always answer politely, because I know it’s some dumb company policy, and not the cashier’s fault.
But honestly it frustrates the hell outta me because I’m an adult and if I didn’t find everything I needed, I’m not shy, I know to ask someone for help. Additionally, it angers me on behalf of the cashier–they’re not robots and they shouldn’t be required to ask customers the same inane question every time.
I really dislike the “did you find everything OK?” question, too. Because sometimes, no I didn’t because the store has stopped carrying the something I was looking for. And what’s the cashier supposed to do about that when I’m in the checkout line? One time I answered truthfully “no, actually I didn’t, the store is out ” and the cashier just looked dumbfounded and said…”um…OK?” I wasn’t mean or hostile or anything, just answered the question honestly…what does the store expect customers/cashiers are supposed to do in that exchange?
My least favorite checkout thing is when the store management makes the checkout people go through 20 questions at the checkout “do you have a store rewards card?” “no, would you like to sign up?” “would you like to donate $1 to charity?” “what’s your phone number?” “what’s your email?” “what’s your zip code” “will you be paying with our store card?” “no? you don’t have one? Would you like to apply today and save 20%?” “No? are you sure? It’s 20% savings” “would you like to add this for $5 more?” “would you like boxes?” “would you like paper or plastic?”
Standing in line, listening to the poor clerk go through this with every.single.customer. I feel so bad for them, and then I feel bad for myself that they are wasting 5 minutes of my time with these programmed questions.
Good on you. Blending in. Love it. Dressing American in Europe means wearing bright, loud colors to go with a loud speaking voice and asking where is the closest McDonalds 🙂
Stereotype of the day. I couldn’t resist 🙂
Really? I’m American and I feel insulted if no one offers to help me. Cause I know they work on commission, so if they don’t try to help me, I get the impression they think I don’t have $$ and that’s why they’re ignoring me.
My husband and I were in Paris for a few days, nearly 30 years ago. We travelled modestly; I spoke no French and he spoke just a few phrases. We were wary but nearly everyone we met was pleasant and helpful. We did our part by always saying please and thank you and adapting to their country rather than expecting them to adapt to us.
I just don’t understand her complaint that shopkeepers expect her to say hello to them. Usually, when I walk into a store, the salespeople greet me and I return the greeting. I get the feeling that what Natalie is really saying is ”I’m a very important actress and how dare these lowly shop girls speak to me and actually expect me to respond!”
I’m European and I think it’s just good manners to greet the sales person. I’ve worked in retail before and a simple hello goes a long way. I’m shocked that this isn’t common in America? I’d honestly think it was very snotty for someone to approach me and ask for a different size or whatever without first acknowledging me with a simple hello. I wouldn’t be rude to the customer if they didn’t (a sale is a sale) however I would judge them.
First of all, I love reading all of your experiences in various countries. It’s like reading travel books. I had bad luck in Paris and Le Havre – so much that it was funny – but it was just circumstances. There are kind & not so kind people everywhere one goes.
I have found this discussion very amusing, because I’m Canadian, and we are known for our friendliness towards EVERYONE. Now, if I have to choose between my good neighbours to the North, and the French, I’ll take the Americans any day. I’m sorry, but garrulous Americans are far easier to tolerate than the uppity French…they are far cleaner too.
She sounds okay when you watch the interview. I think her words just read badly in print, especially when they’re being interpreted for her. But overall it sounds like she’s simply saying that Americans are nice, not necessarily that French people are rude. And this observation is coming from someone who generally can’t stand her.
She doesn’t look like someone who smiles much herself though, despite having a nice smile when she uses it. She kind of has a cranky (albeit beautiful) face so if people in Paris don’t smile as much I figured she would have found her people.
I find it super weird when people talk about rude Parisians. I lived in France for a couple of months and in my experience they were straightforward but nice, nothing different to other cities I’ve visited like Boston, NY, Brussels or Milan, and that is basically because in a big city people are always doing everything fast (the only big difference I’ve notice between my country and others is that, we mexicans are use to talk with everyone around us, and that is not really common anywhere else I’ve visited).
Paris is a real nice place and people are just normal people, I have the impression Natalie didn’t met lots of “common” Parisians outside her snobby circle, they are fun people.
I agree with her that parisians are rude. I spent two weeks in France this year and I deliberatly planned the whole vacation to avoid Paris at all cost.
One time I went with my dad to Paris and after four days we rescheduled or trip home earlier because it was just too unpleasant. For an example: we went four people to a café and ordered two sandwishes and four coffees, and the waiter counted the amount we have ordered for and then said we couldn’t have a table because we hasn’t ordered for enough money.
For all the faults with the US atleast people are nicer. Even in New York.
Just some thoughts from a swede.
And then someone stereotypes Jews and she’s firious about it. But when she does it, it’s ok!
What she’s really saying here is that Americans are more likely to suck up to movie stars than the French.
Hahahahhaah, you could be right here 🙂
Actually the only time I’ve felt judged was in the USA. Not in other country I’ve visited, France included.
I was in Hollywood with a friend of mine walking near the walk of fame and we stopped at a red light. From one of the cars on the street a guy yelled to my friend “you disgust me. You should start doing some exercise”. Granted my friend is a little overweight but yet we never had that thing elsewhere than in America .
We Americans are terrible tourists but wonderful hosts.
I’ve lived all over the country and I do believe we have the friendliest cities.
Except for Philadelphia.
#First world problems! I’ll happily swap places with you, Natalie. Ive never been to Europe but I would go in a heart beat, if I had the money.
Good point!
She basically trashed America so she would be more popular in Paris and now she is leaving it’s trash Paris and laud America so she can win back some of the people she p**sed off before. I don’t suppose it ever crossed her mind that she might be the problem.
So she compares an entire nation to a city. I could eventually understand US vs France or Paris vs NYC, and even that would be weird but hey let’s go there. This lady is really considered the intellectual one in Tinseltown? Someone wrote her papers for her in college, right? Because I can’t see how she got top grades otherwise.
It’s a cultural thing for sure. I was brought up to always say hello when entering any shop, unless it’s a huge supermarket. It’s just manners. We say hello to the driver when entering the bus, we say hello to the people in the elevator. I call it being polite and if you’re rude to someone, dont expect them to be nice to you in return. Sales people are people just like you, worthy of your respect and manners. In Europe at least, they didnt sell their dignity and selfrespect for cash like in America where those poor sales folk are literally expected to let anyone walk all over them and still smile and be polite. I think that’s wrong and horrible, and profit isn’t the be all end all in life.
I have lived all over the world and have spent a lot of years in the U.S. I love American’s and defend them like a nut case whenever a stupid stereotypical judgement is made. America bashing is just fine, even for many American’s, but if you stereotype any other country then you are just a hateful person…apparently. It’s gotten so bad that American’s have even been brainwashed into thinking they are bad, greedy, ignorant, slobs. Not true America! I love it there and I love the people.
People are funny and lighthearted, love to have a little chat with you in line at the grosser, they are generous and basically good. Yes, I understand that different city’s have different vibes and that places like New York differ from say Savanna, but all in all they are good people and I love them to bits! Now I’m off for some Apple pie.
I have never in my life been treated the way I was treated in Paris. So long as I was drawing. I could sit at a cafe for hours without being disturbed. If I sat down on steps to sketch, they would try to pay me. Without asking to see the work, mind you. They support visual arts like crazy over there.
I have travelled to the US and France and liked the openness and friendlyness of the US sales personnel. The french were also very friendly (in a slightly cooler way, which is ok) when I spoke French. When I tried to get in contact with them in English…not so much. So I activated every shred of school frnch and got on famously. Here in Germany there are a lot of sales persons who are unfriendly. We have a saying about them: “Help, the customer threatens to buy something!!!” Sometimes it is really crude. But there are, of course, also a lot of nice persons in sale also in germany.
It’s funny to hear Natalie Portman talking about rudeness. Doesn’t she have a reputation as not being all that friendly?
There’s one funny story where Bollywood star Ranbir Kapoor, who has won multiple of their version of the Oscars, tried to talk to her. He tried to say he liked her work, but she told him “Get lost!” Lol. Obviously she’s have no idea who he was, but still, you expect celebs to be more friendly to fans.
Despite her Harvard degree Portman does often look rather not that worldly, to be honest. Sure, customs and social norms are different in every country. Nevertheless some critical thoughts about one’s own norms and how they relate to other norms are essential if you go to live in another country than your own.
Honestly, as a European I don’t get why you would suggest meeting for a coffee or lunch or dinner if you don’t even intend it or if you wouldn’t even want to meet again. It seems utterly face and superficial to suggest another meeting if you don’t mean it not even as a very distant possibility. I certainly don’t want to go for a coffee with all those people I meet and have a chat in the hallway or in the library. Certainly not. Additionally if I fake-invite somebody for coffee then that person might think I liked him or her. So if I don’t like that person I certainly wouldn’t want to give the impression I did like him/her.
Americans always seem so talk-about-your-feelings and voice-your-opinion. So why not “not invite” people you don’t like? Surely not inviting somebody seems rather harmless? But they apparently don’t tell if they don’t like somebody but simply fake-invite people for coffee even if they don’t like these people and if they don’t mean it?? Don’t get it. Or did I get that wrong?
I don’t think Americans are lying or being fake when they invite someone for coffee. It probably just takes assertiveness on both parts to make the meeting happen.
I guess I’ve never found anyone, American or European or anybody of any nationality, to actually be lying when they invite me somewhere (except maybe when I was in high school. That’s when people were weirdly fake.). It’s just that I’m usually the reserved or shy one when it comes to making a meeting happen or following up on someone’s invitation. I didn’t even know that lying about or fake-inviting someone for coffee was a thing, or maybe I’ve misread things badly when people say they want to go for coffee.
I went to Paris when I was very young. I was 9. I still remember how rude they were. Specifically, I remember that I didn’t like the wine sauce on my food and wouldn’t eat it. You would think it was the end of the world the way the waiter acted.
My dad is a recovering alcoholic and bit into a pastry he bought from a vendor on the street. He didn’t know it had a filling with alcohol so he spit it out. He picked it up, but that didn’t seem to matter. People on the street where literally yelling at us. I think just about all the food there had rum or some kind of wine sauce in it or on it.
I also remember you could not ask anyone a question in Paris even at the hotel. They would walk away. My sister knew some French. It wasn’t perfect, but who cares. I worked at a hotel in the past. You try to communicate even if the person you’re talking with doesn’t understand your language perfectly.
I went to England on that same trip and everyone was very friendly. The difference was night and day.
I believe that if you don’t understand French well there is a good chance there will be people in France who will be rude to you. I think it would be very difficult for anyone who is just learning the language.
However, it is probably no different than how some people treat people who speak Spanish in the United States.
American are more cordial, but they’re absolutely not curious of pretty much nothing that surrounds them. Having worked with both french people (and any other kind of european) and americans (and canadians) i think this is the most incredible difference. american may all be about nice to meet you and good day but really,they don’t make their conaissance more deep than that. For example: i work in this beautiful bulding in the centre of florence: well, germans, french, northland people, will all ask when was it done or who painted they frescos but NOT the americans. everyone will make questions. will be enthralled. but NOT american. they’re also the only one who never make considerations about their trip or have a real laugh in front of someone they don’t know, and it takes eaons for them to open up. Surely they’re well educated but the’yre not intrigued . and intriguing.