Ashley Graham covers the October issue of Elle Canada. I’m okay with the photoshoot – some of the shots are gorgeous and striking, some are rather plain. There’s already a minor controversy about one of the shots, the one where you can see all of Ashley’s legs. There are claims that Elle Canada was a little bit overzealous with the airbrushing/Photoshop on her thighs. I can see where they airbrushed the hell out of her cellulite, but it seems like Elle didn’t “reduce” the size of thighs, you know? They just smoothed everything out, but she’s still the same size. As for the interview, I learned some new stuff about her, like how she decided not to have sex with her husband before marriage. You can read the full piece here, and here are some highlights:
Her appearance in DNCE’s music video: “I didn’t think the video would have the impact it did. I just thought it was going to be cute. But the comments have been so positive. These girls are like, ‘OMG, thanks for putting “real women” in a music video.’ I don’t believe in that term, but, you know, bravo to DNCE for stepping out of the box and really taking it there by having a girl who typically isn’t represented.”
Unapologetic about her body: “You know what’s so funny? I think women think I’m inspirational because I’m unapologetic. I have cellulite. I have back fat. I’ve got a thick stomach. But I work my body like I don’t because I don’t know any other body. I don’t know how to feel thin. I just know how to feel like Ashley.”
She married her husband when she was 22: “I was a baby! But in Nebraska, everybody is married by 22. By the time we met, I’d been travelling the world by myself [for modelling] since I was 12. I had also dated half of New York City. In other words, I had seen and done, like, a lot. And then all of a sudden I met this hot guy at church.”
What she believes in: “I believe that what goes around comes around. That kindness gets you further than anything else. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When I was growing up, my parents always told me ‘Don’t have sex until you’re married,’ so I was like, ‘Okay, I’m going to go out and have a ton of sex.’ But then an ex-boyfriend made me realize that I need to respect my body and I need to have a man respect my body. It’s not for everybody, but, in order for that to happen for me, I needed to not have sex [again] until I was married. My husband and I waited; call me crazy, but it worked. Our sex is amazing! It made me feel like I had the power back in my dating life. He respected me more because I wasn’t willing to just give it up. I tell my friends to wait three months. Just see if he can wait. If he can, he’s a good guy. And, again, it’s not for everybody, but for me it was great. It’s something I’m actually really proud of.”
Beefcakes like bigger girls too: “Those were muscle guys, and those are the types of guys you don’t think like curvy women, but they love them. Girls my size are like, ‘Oh, I could never get a guy like that.’ Actually, you could, girlfriend! I’m living proof that you can have whatever you want in spite of what people say is a ‘flaw.’ Whether it’s a race thing or not being smart enough or pretty enough—there are so many things that are hanging over women’s heads, but you have to fight through it.”
There’s no such thing as the Perfect Body: “I’ve been a size 12, and I thought I was so hot. But now I’m a 14 to 16, and I honestly couldn’t be happier—I’m just content. Of course, I look at my body and think ‘Oh, I want to tighten up my arms a bit, or I wish my ass was lifted higher.’ But nobody has the perfect body. There’s no such thing.”
I’ll say this about Ashley: she has made me a believer, and whenever I read her interviews, I feel better about myself and my own body “flaws.” It is genuinely inspirational to see a “bigger” woman (bigger than the usual body-archetypes held up as aspirational) who is comfortable in her own skin, and wants the same thing for all women. As for Ashley having a come-to-Jesus moment about not giving away the cookies to every dude she met… I think it’s worth noting that she had a lot of fun before that and she “sowed her oats” and then decided to wait. Plus, she says it’s not for everybody, and it was her choice. It’s not like she’s telling all women to “save themselves” for marriage.
Photos courtesy of Elle Canada.
She is right about the muscle guys. I’m a curvy, chubby woman – smaller than Graham though – and for some strange reason athletic guys seem to love me and hit on me all the time!
Skinny guys on the other hand…no luck there, haha.
I’m a slim athletic woman and I also mostly get gym buffs. Maybe men who work out just get around more.
I’m not complaining, I’ve just always thought that athletic, sporty men preferred skinny athletic women, not chubby girls like me. Clearly that’s not the case at all.
All women are sexy so it doesnt surprise me that they hit on every body type. I wonder if it might also be a confidence thing, as in less fit men just dont pursue women as frequently or intensely because they get knocked down more, which clears the market for gym bunnies who chase after all of us.
Cosign, Yolanda. I’m also curvy but smaller than Ashley, and I’m always surprised at how often “beefcakes” hit on me
It makes sense. Myself and most of my female friends prefer to be with men who are bigger than us. I see it sometimes but it is rare to see a thin (athletic such as a runner) guy go for a big woman, but many men with muscles and a larger build will certainly go for curvy women over thin women. It probably has more to do with proportions between the man and the woman. Unfortunately, I have fallen for some thin guys who almost always go for a more petite and thin woman. The guy who is currently into me has more of a large athletic build. I am smaller than Ashley but also curvy.
I totally agree! I am curvy and thick and the gym rat guys LOVE that shit. I always secretly thought it was because they view my curviness as sort of “hyperfeminine” and they like the contrast with their “hyper masculine” bulked up physique. However, I could also be totally wrong about that.
My husband is a tall dude and used to be big into weightlifting, and when we first got together he told me he preferred women who didn’t look like they’d snap like a dry twig if he got on top of them. So the beauty ideal held up as aspirational held no water with him.
I am thin/slim and about 5’5 and I WISH big tall muscle hunks would hit on me but all I get is skinny dudes of short or average height. 🙁
My type is like a jason momoa or roman reigns build.
She looks great. One day we will move beyond calling out what we feel are our own “body flaws”. Especially as some sort of plus sized body acceptance to the public pandering (oops did I say that?)
I read that “I have back fat I have a thick stomach” and cringed. Like so? You look great. You’re damn near a supermodel. There are people with not a lick of body fat (Tara reid) who can’t say the same. Ashley can own her greatness, almost everyone says how pretty she is.
Gorgeous woman. And Amy Shumer was snippy about being put in a group with her? You are right Amy, that’s a different group.
Except she’s telling women that they only deserve respect if they don’t have sex. ‘He respected me more because I wasn’t willing to just give it up.’.
No, she makes it quite clear that this particular thing worked for her and her husband. It is her opinion and her relationship. Also, she explains how she went out and had sex before meeting him and how she decided to act differently one day. I thought it was not preachy at all and nicely said.
OK, she;s not preachy but it’s pretty clear she equates celibacy IN WOMEN with self-respect. It made me barf, personally. Also, she seems to be under the impression that sex is something that only men want, and women give to them. No, no, NO.
If her husband “respected her more” because she didnt have sex with him, he has major issues. Issues with women, issues with sex and probably issues with himself.
@Naya, I agree with everything you said.
That’s reading a lot into what she said. She didn’t elaborate. He may have respected the fact that she made a decision and stuck to it. That she stood her ground. That she knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to tell him and expected him to get with the program. It’s clearly not like she was a virgin before so he doesn’t have a problem with an experienced partner.
@Naya hear, hear!! You are so right. Women stop telling others that ‘giving it up’ makes you less worthy of respect.
Maybe he respected her “more” because she was making a choice for herself rather than relying on someone else’s opinion to make or change her choice. The respect might not have to with the actual sex stuff. She wasn’t a virgin when she married so it doesn’t seem like her having previous sexual partners was a problem for him or that absolute purity was a requirement.
Maybe it’s her independence he respected more.
She did say something about respecting her body so I wonder if she was really having sex with those other guys because she wanted to or felt she had to because that’s what they wanted. If she didn’t feel she was respecting her body, my inclination is to think she really didn’t want to have sex with them.
Yeah, I think there’s a lot of assumptions being made off one paltry sentence. It could totally be the old trope that a woman of “wife material” won’t be so easy. Or it could be that he respected her for making a personal decision for her own benefit and sticking to it. I’d respect that. No reason to assume he’s some caveman.
“If her husband “respected her more” because she didnt have sex with him, he has major issues”
This wording makes me think that she might be making a comparison between her husband and the men she previously dated. I think it’s possible her husband still would have married her even if she had agreed to have sex with him prior to marriage, but if she can feel a difference between how her husband treats her (i.e “respects” her “more”) vs. the men who she previously dated, I think that makes the men she dated look bad, not necessarily her husband.
She did say that an ex-boyfriend told her she should respect her body, and apparently she took his advice. This makes it it seem to me that the men she dated might have treated her badly after she had sex with them, and perhaps she sees a difference with her husband, and one of the conclusions she’s come to might be that not having had sex with him might have been the difference (for whatever reason — whether that was because she was sticking firm to her decision or because she didn’t feel powerless or something else).
Who is this person…?
http://www.google.com
What’s that? :-).
Why, why make this comment? I don’t recognize half the people in this site anymore; why advertise one’s lack of knowledge?
Do you know everybody? I don’t see what’s with the question.
She’s a plus size model. Nothing wrong with asking a question.
I liked when she said “I know how to feel Ashley, I don’t know how to feel thin”. I can relate to that, even though I would love to be thin, for shopping’s sake. If I suddenly woke up thin (which I know it can’t happen) I wouldn’t know what to do! I just know how to be me.
Haha! I just said almost the exact same thing downthread! I sometimes think that I’d like to be magically thin for a day so I could go out and try on all the clothes, but ultimately it’s not who I am and I don’t think I’d be comfortable with it.
I am thin, work out and even I have cellulite. Bc I mostly eat healthy but sometimes I want dark chocolate. 80/20 rule. I live a little. My mom, my cousins we have cellulite but beautiful thick hair. It’s true we gotta accept ourselves our positives and flaws, no ones perfect.
I used to be so down on myself because even after working out like a fiend and getting in the best shape of my life, I still had cellulite! Then one day, I happened to notice for the first time ever that the guy running my gym’s intense kickboxing fitness sessions (a former world champion kickboxer and a fitness nut) had cellulite. That’s when I finally relaxed about it all. It truly is largely dependent on your genes.
“He respected me more because I wasn’t willing to just give it up. ”
Ugh. Just ugh. I’m waiting for the day anybody would ever utter the same sentiment about a man. Yeah, no, those are two thousand years of misogynist ideology coming out of her mouth here.
+1, you will never hear a man say that “my wife respected me more.. Blablabla”
I don’t know, I knew a man with a similar story as Ashley – he had sex before marriage with women he did not love, but decided he wasn’t living life in way that he was proud of and the way God wanted him to live his life. So he decided to wait for marriage; when he met his future wife, he told her that even though she had never planned to do the same. And, she definitely had a lot of respect for him for fighting against his desires and being mocked by other people so that he could respect himself.
Yeah, I didn’t like that either
Yeah. That got me too. I mean she did add the caveat that this is what worked for her and her relationship but still ugh, to that whole frame of thought.
I love how she says she doesn’t know how to be thin. That’s exactly how I feel. I’ve never been thin, so I don’t know how to do it, and tbh I’m not sure I want to know. I’m healthy, despite what concern trolls might say, and married to someone who thinks I’m beautiful. All body types are fine, as long as they’re healthy and loved.
Not much fussed about her sex life but i really like her openness and confidence.
Hopefully this isn’t off topic, but I was thinking yesterday about how hard it is sometimes to fight your own internalized sexism. I was angry at myself for glancing at a picture of an actress and thinking in that first split second that she shouldn’t really be wearing that dress because she was too heavy. Its a streak I have that I loathe and actively work against. I know its fundamentally linked to my own body insecurities and the extent to which I’ve internalized beauty norms. So I feel like its really important that we have a diversity of women talking about how they feel in their bodies and a diversity of images of different types of beauty and strength. And not as the odd exception or paternalistically but as a normal part of the visual imagery that surrounds us.
I know beauty standards are sometimes considered the shallow end of the feminist discussion, but I do reckon it’s important. These standards are so pervasive and can be felt so intimately, its good to have them challenged.
I do that too and it really annoys me. Like I hate my upper arms but do I do anything to exercise them a bit? Eh no. So when I see an actress with bigger arms I think on the one hand more power to her and on the on the hand I think how did she get away with that extra weight in Hollywood/poor thing she’s going to be told she needs to lose weight because I’m so used to seeing rail thin celebrities and I know what’s expected. It’s all so internalised!
I read a piece of advice somewhere on the internetz that said, “Your first thought is what you’re conditioned to think, your next thought is what defines you”.
Good words, they help you not be so hard on yourself. We’ve all got deep programming to undo, and recognizing it when we see it is the first step. So just acknowledge the thought as planted there by the insidious evils that permeate our society and let it go. Then you’re free to move on to more positive, productive lines of thinking.
it is her choice not to have sex before marriage or even ever, as it is everyone’s. but i’m incredibly uncomfortable with ‘He respected me more because I wasn’t willing to just give it up’. no, just no. if someone respects you more because of your sexual life or lack of thereof, there’s something wrong.
I really like that she said, “And, again, it’s not for everybody, but for me it was great.”
She’s not trying to project her beliefs/choices on anyone else. She just simply stated what worked for her. I wish other actresses could do the same. Too much preaching going on.
I really like this gal.
She’s my girl crush.