Alyssa Milano has a new interview with US Magazine, I think to promote her partnership with the NFL’s fashion line for women. She recently taught a spin class as a promotional event, which sounds fun sign me up! US asked her about her relationship with her husband of seven years, CAA agent David Bugliari. Alyssa said that her parents come to stay with them every weekend to help watch their two children, Milo, 5, and Elizabella, 2, so that they can have alone time. That’s really nice and they must be a close family. Alyssa also still works with Atkins, although she recently got some competition representing the brand when Kim Kardashian signed on. Here’s what Alyssa told US:
My parents come stay with us so we have help with the babies. They understand the importance of actually spending time with your spouse. It’s what’s kept their 50-year marriage. You have to be able to still connect on a human level and not just a parental level,” Milano, 43, said. “I’ve watched a lot of my friends struggle with their marriage and I think it’s because they’ve lost that adult connection. You gotta make time for that.”
And it doesn’t have to involve a romantic dinner. “David and I can honestly make a date out of going to Target to do back-to-school shopping,” Milano told Us. “We love to be together and we have fun no matter what we do.”
Just as important: spending one-on-one time with each child. “Elizabella has a mommy-and-me ballet class that we go to,” says the actress. “With Milo, I’m the bench coach for his baseball team. He loves it. I was his bench coach last year, and I said, ‘Do you want me to do this again?’ and he said, ‘Yeah, mom, you have to!’”
Considering that so many couples stress and fight over issues on how to raise their kids, this sounds wise. I also love to hear about families who live close to extendedrelativesy help each other out. My mom and dad help with my son quite a bit and it’s beneficial for all of us. (I hope! I watch their dog when they’re away but I know it’s not the same thing.) However I have an older friend on facebook who recently posted that she will absolutely not babysit her grandkids now that she’s living alone. If it’s your own grandkids, how is that babysitting? I’m not very close to her, she’s just an acquaintance, but I would be interested to know if she’s close to her adult children and how far away they live from her. I guess as long as everyone is on board with watching the grandkids every weekend and no one in the family feels like it’s a burden then it can work out for everyone, as Alyssa explains.
This is Alyssa at the Marchesa show at NYFW. You can tell by what she’s wearing.
photos credit: WENN, Getty, FameFlynet and Instagram/Alyssa Milano
I say whatever dynamic works for each family is great. Specially when they are making
Conscious effort to spend time/strengthening their relationship with each member of the family.
I don’t let my youngest son spend too much time alone with my parents because my parents are very conservative and my youngest son is his own person, so that inevitably causes headaches if I’m not around to act as a buffer between them. But my oldest gets along with them fine.
This sounds very balanced for her family. It takes a villiage.. right?
We’re lucky we live close to both sets of parents. Although we have yet to start trying, both mom’s have already started discussing watching grandkids during the days, and which days they want lol. I am very relieved to have so much support. But I imagine having 2 sets of over zealous granparents may have it’s own hangups too, but I’ll take it any day.
I love to hear stuff like this. 🙂
I have a friend whose mother charges her daycare rates for taking care of her own grandkids! Grandma also keeps track of the food she feeds them, where she drives them, and any outings (movies or ice-cream), so she can be fully reimbursed. I can’t imagine keeping score like that with family. Probably isn’t necessary to say, but their relationship has definitely become strained.
^ strained indeed! that’s a tough spot for your friend. I can’t even imagine. I could see volunteering money to cover activities, but wow itemizing grocery costs is a new one.
WOW, receipts and all, huh?
I have so many questions for your friend now!! Does the grandma just decide to “treat” them to the movies/etc. by herself and expect Mom to pick up the tab later? Does she take pleasure in “spoiling” them but can’t actually afford it? I mean, I can’t imagine asking my mom (in that situation) to help unless it were absolutely the last possible option. Is that her goal, to get the daughter to stop asking?
Sounds like an actual babysitter would be cheaper and warmer! They could at least use food that’s already in the house.
It certainly takes a village. I retired 11 years ago to be able to help my children out by watching the grandkiddos so they didn’t have to pay day care expenses. It has been the best. I divorced a year after I retired (was not expecting it) and not sure where I would be without keeping busy with my watching them. I am down to one child full day and anywhere between 2 and 9 after school. I want my grandchildren (as my children already know this) that they have someone to call or a safe place to go if something should happen.
That is really nice of her parents !! I’m sure it helps keep their marriage strong.
I don’t have kids yet but I’m hesitant to have my parents watch them only because I know it would be my mom doing everything and I would hate to put that on her. Even now when my little cousin comes over for an hour or two every so often my mom is the one who feeds her , puts her down to nap , Bathes her Etc. my father is waaay too old school to participate in simple child rearing. Ugh. Any one else’s parents have that dynamic ?
@Sally, I left a comment below, but then saw your question. My parents were EXACTLY like that (my in-laws to a lesser extent). My parents were older and came from a generation where childrearing is ‘women’s work’, so my dad pretty much never lifted a finger to raise not only his grandkids but his own kids. He barely knew how to make a sandwich. My father-in-law is better with older kids–he’s willing to play board games or drive them around, but I can’t really imagine him changing a diaper. 🙂 So, in Alyssa Milano’s case, I can imagine her mom is probably doing most of the work because her kids are still so young.
@scarlet yup! I’ve never seen my dad in the kitchen either.
My late father would have been nearly 100 if he had lived, and he changed nappies (diapers) and made up bottles and fed us. And he cooked. And he was from a rural area of Ireland, not a “progressive ” background. Thanks Dad.
Funny thing is our parents did it all alone with some help from grandparents cause they had work. My dearest friends, go out every weekend while grandma watches all three grankids.While my other friend is complete opposite, where she thinks if you have kids, you don’t let someone watch your kid so you can go out,I’ve told her many a times,its good to have some time but she’s adamant that they’re horrible moms to do that.
My grandparents are from an older generation too, but both grandmas were the ones “wearing the pants”. And my grandma is the kind of person who wants to do everythin herself ( even now I have to argue with her for half an hoir so she would let me vacum her house). My grandpa was the calmest, moat mellow person ever, so he basically did what she told him to do. But there was neer anything he didn’t want to do because it was woman’s work.
My dad would never change a diaper, but once kids can talk, he is a better grandpa than he was a dad. Retirement, and the kids having a genuine interest in anything he does all makes for a well loved grandpa time. I wish they lived closer.
My ex has virtually taken himself out of his children’s and grandchildren’s lives. Not sure how it would be if we were still married. He was pretty helpful as the girls were growing up and did many of the jobs including changing diapers, feeding them and getting them ready for school.
My mother was a stay-at-home mum for her own 6 children, and then basically ran an in-home daycare for most of her grandchildren. My nephew and I are only 3yrs apart, so there was literally no break. Mum took take of kids for literally 50yrs straight and she loved it.
My mom-in-law is very involved in charity work and travels often to visit her 94yr old mother, so she is willing to watch her grandkids often, but not daily because she has other commitments and also feels that if it’s everyday it kinda takes the fun out of being a grandparent to her.
I think both approaches are great, but feel I will fall more into the ‘occasional’ camp when I’m a grandparent. My husband and I have put off so many trips, etc so we’re home for our kids that we’ve promised ourselves that that will be OUR time. I already give up EVERY weekend to shuttle my kids around to their activities that I don’t think I would want to continue sacrificing all my weekends for my kids/grandkids forevermore.
My parents and my brother’s in laws watch his kid all the time. It’s no big deal n
That’s nice for Alyssa and her husband to have some alone time together, and it’s also really great for the grandparents and kids to have all that time together.
My grandparents looked after me, my sister and my cousins every day while our parents were at work. My youngest cousin is 11 so they’ve been doing it for the last 25 years. And while it is work, the bond that it creates is incredible. I see my friends and they call their grandparents once in a while, and they do love them, but its not the same. We each visit grandma every single day, and she likes to show it off a bit to her friends.
But I have to say, my grandparents were perfect. The model grandparents. You dont come across as people like that that often.
This is lovely!!! Sign me up!!
My sons are 18 and 9, so I’m in NO HURRY, but that is my old lady DREAM!! I am so excited to be that grandma, helping out with the kids!
Honking for Alyssa Milano! I’ve been watching Charmed lately on Netflix. I love her and she seems to down to earth.
whatever works for them! if her parents enjoy it – i’m glad it all works out. i don’t like people in my house so to me it seems like a stressful arrangement.
my SIL on the other hand wants my MIL there every second and i think sometimes, she really asks too much. she lives 2 hours away from my in-laws and my MIL goes up every other weekend for 4 or 5 days. i can tell my MIL is burned out and feels taken advantage of sometimes but she always jumps at the chance to see the kids. it is a double edged sword.
Sorry, taking care of someone else’s kids is babysitting. That comment offended me. We have no idea what goes on in other families. Believe it or not, some grandparents may have lives that don’t exclusively revolve around babysitting grandkids. Many still work, some may not be in good health etc, etc. Unfortunate that this post started out as a nice story about someone who is fortunate enough to have parents who are able & willing to babysit, to veiled innuendo of those who may not.
i tend to agree. if they aren’t your kids – you’re babysitting. and i think even grandparents should be compensated somehow for their time – even if they love it.
There are many many many reasons why I’m not having children, the most important being that I’ve simply never wanted them, but another reason is this type of weird, unspoken societal expectation. Yet another bizarre “requirement” that society places upon women that I don’t have time for. And I agree with another poster downthread who commented that that attitude smacks of entitlement.
She’s Italian-American. She’s lucky her mother doesn’t live with her every night. I say that with love. But Italian-American families are almost always like this. They are together ALL THE TIME.
If grandparents want to do it, and don’t feel pressured into anything then great; I’m all for multiple generations having strong relationships. But if they don’t want to then I understand too – they’ve already spent years raising kids and have their own lives too.
Exactly. I know many people who take trips with their spouse every year, saying everyone ought to too. But they completly gloss over that to facilitate this ‘important’ vacation thier parents have to have thier kids 24/7 for a week. If the grandparents offer and are genuine in that offer then awesome sauce but it smacks of entitlement to me.
I know numerous older people who watch their grandkids and would never ever say anything to their kids about it, but feel terribly taken advantage by it, exhausted and unhappy.
No matter how overwhelmed I got, I would have never wanted my parents over every single weekend. I felt like since we were the ones that wanted children, we were not going to take advantage of our parents and pass them off so we could ‘make a date to run to Target’. So many of my co-workers depend entirely too much on their parents to babysit (yes…babysit), and be the chauffeur. If my husband and I wanted a date night, we would ask the grandparents well enough in advance to make sure we did not interfere with their plans for anything, and we always insisted on paying them for any meals they had or gave them a gift card. My kids looked at spending that time with their grandparents as being a treat for them instead of them being another set of parents around all the time. Just my opinion though….different strokes for different folks.
Not to be cynical, just kidding, to be totally cynical – if my 11 year old contributed to the family finances by working on a network show, I’d totally kick them back some babysitting 30 years later.