As CB discussed last week, comedian Kathy Griffin has a new book out called Kathy Griffin’s Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index. The book is already being widely excerpted, which is why we already heard about Kathy’s Ellen DeGeneres story, and Kathy’s absolutely awful Woody Allen story. Well, there are obviously more stories, because that’s Kathy’s brand of comedy: talking sh-t about celebrities. I’m not judging! I love that she talks sh-t about celebrities, and I view her comedy as similar to what we’re doing too. So here are some of the celebrities Kathy dishes about in her book:

Jon Hamm sucks. Kathy went to a party hosted by Sue Mengers, in which Hamm and Jack Nicholson were in attendance. She writes: “You’ll never convince me to like Jon Hamm. The vibe I’ve always gotten from him is cold and somewhat disrespectful … toward me. I’m suggesting he’s one of these hot guys who’s mildly funny but actually thinks he’s comedian-level funny. So when Hammy showed up, too, inside I thought, oh great. He even said to me, ‘What are you doing here?’ I said, ‘I earned my seat at the table. What are you doing here?’” It was only downhill from there, especially as the Mad Men actor continue to throw back his drinks. While Griffin was discussing Rupert Murdoch with Nicholson, “Hammy picks that moment … to start whispering boozy yammering into my ear. First it was, ‘You know your Emmy isn’t a real Emmy.’ I let that one go, but then he whispered, ‘You’re so o-o-o-old.’ Look, I’ve been told I’m old and not funny by a lot of guys — a lot of hot guys, too — but not when I’m in an intimate conversation space with frickin’ Jack Nicholson, an opportunity I figured I’d never get again; that’s the real reason I can’t stand Hammy. The double whammy of cruel but not playful comments and the horrible timing. Again, he’s not a comedian, folks. Hopefully done with the drink, but probably still Don Draper-y.”

Ashton Kutcher is a jackass. Kathy and Kutcher were co-hosting a charity event for uBid.com in 2005 and Kutcher refused to speak to her, despite the fact that they were supposed to interact. She writes: “At least three separate times, we were standing in the wings, waiting to go out and present, and I’d say something like, ‘Hey, what if, when we go out, we do this … ,’ and suggest something, and he’d just ignore me. If he said five words to me the whole day, I’d be surprised. It was bizarre and rude and made me feel as if he thought I was beneath him, someone not worth talking to in the slightest.” Three years later, she ran into him at a local Mexican restaurant with Moore, now 54. Griffin said hi; he did not. “If you won’t say hi to me in the Mexican takeout joint, you’re a d-bag.” The final snub, however, occurred while she was talking to P Diddy at a party. “Kutcher stepped directly in front of me and started talking to Diddy as if I wasn’t even there,” she reveals. “So that’s three incidents. Do I loathe him? No. He’s just someone who’s made it perfectly clear to me that I have absolutely nothing to offer him during his precious time on earth.”

Her Jack Nicholson story. She asked him if he would ever settle down, and “He said with a devilish twinkle in his eye, ‘I think when ole Paris Hilton turns thirty, I’ll be seventy five, and she and I will be exactly in tune, at exactly the right time for both of us,’” writes Griffin. Unfortunately, what would have been the world’s most iconic duo never came to be. Continues Griffin, “I told Paris Hilton this story. She gave me her signature blank stare.”

Her Leonardo DiCaprio story. She met Leo at the DGAs this year, while she was hanging out with Lily Tomlin. Kathy writes, “I stood up and said, ‘Don’t be a douchebag, Leo. Get off your f–ing phone and say hi to the great Lily Tomlin!’ He either didn’t hear me or chose to ignore me. You decide. I repeated it until he finally turned his head, pulled his precious phone away, and kindly said hello to Lily. (He’s gorgeous by the way.) I said again, ‘Jesus, Leo, don’t be such a douchebag.’ He walked away and with an adorable smile said, ‘I am a douchebag.’ Touché, Leo.”

[From Us Weekly]

I like the Leo story because it sounds like something he would acknowledge about himself. Like, “Yeah, I am a d-bag, and I know it.” The Jack Nicholson story sounds like Jack, just as the Ashton story sounds utterly believable too. I get why the Jon Hamm story is getting so much attention though – I mean, a few years ago, everyone thought Hamm was the best thing ever, that he was sex on legs and the most charming an humble guy. But then that fraternity story happened, and there were rumors about his chronic infidelity, then he broke up with Jennifer Westfeldt and went to rehab and more. And now it’s difficult to see Jon Hamm as anything other than smarmy and “off” somehow. So it does feel like Kathy’s story is probably right on the money.

Photos courtesy of WENN.