2016 was the year that I totally stopped paying any attention to Piers Morgan. To be fair, I only paid him a passing interest, here and there. But it absolutely felt like Piers just went Full Troll this year and he is exhausting, not to mention pathetic and misogynistic. So why did I even click on Piers Morgan’s Daily Mail column on Thursday? Because it was trending on the DM, and because he was writing about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Piers notably met and interviewed Markle earlier this year, around the time she met Harry for the first time. Piers surprisingly found her charming, which is so unlike him. As for this column… he thinks Harry and Meghan should get married. You know why? So they can have black babies and more. You can read the full column here (the way he writes is so tedious). Some highlights:

Harry & Meghan are serious: “A few days ago, they bought a Christmas tree together and took it back to Harry’s home in Kensington Palace. Surely the ultimate sign that this is a serious relationship? I mean, you don’t buy a Christmas tree with someone you’re flaky about, right? So rumours, naturally, are ablaze that they may be about to announce their engagement. To which I say: bring it on!”

Piers thinks Meghan is princess-material: “We met for drinks in my local London pub in the very week she first dated Harry back in June – and [I] believe her to be perfect princess material…. I think they’re superbly well suited, Harry needs to settle down (if even half the stories I hear about his wild partying are true then this is an urgent request…), and frankly, we all need a royal wedding to take the edge of these tumultuous times.”

Wallis Simpson comparisons: “Prince Harry’s only No5 in line to the British throne by default – and it’s all thanks to an American woman about the same age as Meghan. Exactly 80 years ago this week, his great, great uncle Edward VIII abdicated as King because he fell in love with a US-born divorcee named Wallis Simpson.”

An American Queen? “If anything, God forbid, happens to Charles and William, and William’s children George and Charlotte, then Harry will be King. And if Meghan Markle is his wife, then, in that eventuality, she would become Queen. Imagine that – an American divorcee becoming Queen of England! Yet, what a great thing that would be too.”

Meghan’s a different kind of girl: “Harry’s been through girlfriends like a scythe through a barley field. Most of them the typical kind of posh, polo-loving, and dare I say rather dull English roses that are usually carefully hand-picked for preferred royal partner status. Meghan Markle is a very different kettle of fish. When we drank in my pub, I found her to be a very smart, focused, thoughtful, feisty and confident woman. Ambitious about her career as an actress, yes. But there’s nothing wrong with that, and she’s genuinely talented as fans of her TV show Suits will know. More importantly, she seemed to have a real and touching concern for the future of the planet and its more impoverished and vulnerable members. We spoke about Rwanda, where she had recently travelled with the UN, about race issues, and about gun violence in America, which distresses her almost as much as it does me. Meghan was informed and strident in her opinions and determined to use her celebrity status make a real difference. She was also great fun, ready to laugh at both the absurdity of life and herself. I really, really liked her. So when I later heard she and Harry were dating, my gut reaction was: GREAT!”

He thinks the engagement rumors are great too: “There’s never been a better time for a British heir to the throne to choose a traditionally imperfect divorcee to marry…Since news of Harry’s new romance broke, barely anyone has even suggested that Meghan’s divorced status should be a barrier to marriage… As for Meghan’s suitability, consider this: she’s lived life a bit, professionally and sexually, and is not a naïve 19-year-old virgin like Diana. She also knows the media game, being a star already. And she has a proper job that allows for time out to have royal babies. Oh, and given the fact she’s from mixed race parents – her mum is African-American – there’s a real chance some of those babies might be black. Finally, the Royal Family could have non-white members to more accurately reflect the gloriously multi-cultural nation over which they reign.

[From The Daily Mail]

First of all, I totally had to look up Wallis Simpson and King Edward VII’s birthdays and do the timeline. Wallis was two years younger than Edward/David. He was 42 years old when he became king and proposed to Wallis, which would make her 40 years old at the time of his ascension to the throne and his proposal, and she had already been married twice. Meghan Markle is 35 years old and a one-time divorcee, not to mention an American like Wallis. Then again, Harry isn’t the king or the crown prince or the even the second or third in line to the throne. Harry has more freedom to marry someone like Meghan, or someone like Wallis or whatever. It does bug me that we’re comparing Meghan to Wallis though. Sigh…

As for the rest of it, Piers says that Meghan’s the kind of girl who will keep Harry on his toes, who will challenge him and not just be some trophy wife (psst… like Kate). I agree with that part, although I still think that if you have to talk about how tolerant you are of divorced people and mixed race people, you’re probably not all that tolerant?

Photos courtesy of WENN.