Here are some photos from last night’s London premiere of Collateral Beauty, a film which is pretty much dead on arrival in theaters. We’ve barely written about the film or the promotional tour, but Will Smith has been hustling for it for weeks. It’s just that no one has been paying attention. No one even cares that Will has an awful mustache these days (which is for a role). Look at that thing.
Before I get into the terrible reviews, let me make a few fashion notes and superficial observations. One, Keira Knightley is heavily featured in the trailers for the film, but Keira has been in the f—king wind when it comes to promoting the movie. It’s almost like she knows she made a terrible movie! Where’s Keira? IN HIDING. Naomie Harris and Helen Mirren weren’t so lucky – they’ve had to come out to premieres and promotional events and try to wear happy faces. Helen Mirren wore a lace Jacques Azagury gown to this premiere and she looks adorable. Naomie wore one of the ugliest Rodarte dresses I’ve ever seen in my life. It looks like a failed art project from a first-grader.
Now, for the reviews. Rotten Tomatoes currently, as I’m writing, has the film at 13%. Yikes. The RT score among top critics? 3%. DOUBLE YIKES. Vulture also did a round-up of some of the worst reviews – go here to read. My favorite is Alan Scherstuhl at the Village Voice, who drops the biggest SPOILER for the film in the opening paragraph (he doesn’t even give a SPOILER warning, which just shows how much he hated the film)
Here’s a promise few movies can make. If you sink two hours into Collateral Beauty now, it’s guaranteed that for the rest of your life, when conversation stalls, you can save the night by asking, “Did you ever see that movie where Will Smith plays an ad executive so shut down with grief over the death of his daughter that his business partners — played by Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, and Michael Peña — hire actors to confront him in public in the roles of Death, Time, and Love, the abstract concepts to whom he has been penning and mailing angry letters?”
Yes. That’s the actual plot of the movie, which I didn’t know. I thought it was going to be a sappy/spiritual/well-meaning-ghost-type movie. Like, I thought the film was actually about Death, Love and Time confronting Will Smith’s character. But no. It’s a set-up by his business partners because apparently the business is flailing and they’re trying to shake Will Smith out of his grief, so they HIRE ACTORS to play those concepts. Uh… unconventional. Anyway, critics loathe this movie with a passion usually reserved for 2 Fast 2 Batfleck. So don’t see this, mmkay?
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I actually laughed when I watched the trailer.
Saw this trailer too and couldn’t believe they actually made this movie. It looked that bad. Really bad.
I used to love this guy.
I rolled my eyes so hard that I might have sprained something. Like Lalu said, I can’t believe they actually made this movie…someone green-lit this! LOL.
The trailer was awful. Saw the trailer in a theater and it felt like the whole room was drowning in treacle. Because of his association with Scientology I assumed this movie is Scientology-ish.
My bro & I literally groaned at the same time when we saw it. My 14yrs old niece came in at the end and said she wanted to see it (we’re a family movie night kinda crowd) and we groaned even louder…like from the depths of our souls…we’re gonna “redirect her attention” her to Rogue One.
Careful about “Rogue One”.
I saw it yesterday after having really looked forward to it, and I hated it with a passion. It was just a bad movie. The dialogue ist atrociously flat, and it looks like at some point somebody barked the order: “ETHNIC DIVERSITY!” and then that order was enforced by a group of white, straight, cisgendered dudes who didn’t understand sh*t. Same goes for the barked order: “STRONG FEMALE!”, followed by the whisper: “Don’t forget to put in a close-up of her ass that does absolutely nothing for the story except show her ass!”
I got out of the film really angry. Boyfriend hated it, too.
“Arrival” looks good to me, but I haven’t seen it yet, so I can’t make a serious recommendation, sorry!
Helen Mirren really knows how to wear a dress. I usually loathe red lace but this dress is perfection.
When I zoomed in and saw the frayed hems, I was like Yep! She’s done it again! Lovely.
Helen Mirren for the win.
Lovely dress, and she looks really beautiful in red. But that coy, over-the-shoulder look in the bottom thumbnail… Ugh! She IS beautiful, she IS sexy… she doesn’t have to try and look like a 20 yr. old ingenue. JMO.
All that A-list talent…what were they thinking?
I’ve never been a Will Smith fan, but Ed Norton…hope he’s got better stuff in the pipeline. Awful title too.
Naomie is soooo beautiful, but even she cannot save that dress.
I really want to like that dress. The concept and colours are interesting. I don’t even think it could be saved if they removed the vagina as a focal point ruffle waterfall.
This was almost exactly my reaction. I scrolled down to see the dress, then scrolled back up so I could only see Naomie’s face.
It’s not a bad set of colours on her, and the lower half of the skirt could have been pretty if it was longer and didn’t have everything above her thigh still attached to it.
Will Smith has no taste. Whenever he does a serious movie he always chooses the hokiest, Oscar grabbiest piece of pablum around. He’s also more of a movie star than actor. It’s all charisma and when he tries to ‘act’, he just stops smiling to show he’s serious. Kinda like Aniston.
When they showed this trailer in the theatre, everyone laughed, especially at Kiera Knightley. And poor Edward Norton, paying his Hollywood penance obviously.
I know….Ed Norton is such a great actor…too bad his reputation for being hard to work with, has ruined his career…
I didn’t know this about him. I was wondering what happened to his career!
@NEELYO-
I think this is the best analysis of wtf is going on with him and his career. I’m a fan of his but something is just always so off with his projects.
Will suddenly got old.
I actualy think the concept of actors playing Death etc. is better, but if they made it really dark and cynical, not sappy.
I still might watch it because I could watch Keira in anything.
I could see it maybe. Like Throw Momma From the Train dark.
Will would be the only redeemable, but bumbling and grief stricken character, and his shyster business partners try to manipulate him into getting his head into the game.
The ending though, does he fall in love with Death the actress, or do all his partners meet unfortunate ends?
I think it really depended on the execution. The script itself what somewhat described like one of the most exciting last year, and was sold at an high price. And the actor seemed quite exciting by it actually. But it’s interesting that the director who was attached to the project was quite diffferent from Frankel anq quite an exciting choice , and he quited because of artistic differences.
A change in director can make a HUGE difference. I didn’t know there was a switch. Makes sense though, the hype for this movie was so big, I didn’t expect it to be THAT bad.
Knowing the “spoiler” actually makes it more interesting for me! Still won’t waste my time, tho.
I think the original concept (of death, love, etc. actually manifesting for him) would have been cool (kind of like the Christmas story). Knowing it’s all a hoax makes it meh…
Aw, I still want to see it.
I have to say, I’ve been enjoying the reviews for this film. The trailer alone is sooo bad (personally, I think the actors should earn Oscars for delivering their lines without bursting out laughing because the dialogue is so cheesy), but based on the trailer, I thought this was just going to be some corny holiday movie. I never would have expected that the film is about Will Smith’s character’s colleagues hiring actors to play death, love, etc. in the hopes of convincing him that he’s crazy so he leaves his job. I mean, who thought this movie was a good idea?!
Same. When I saw the previews I thought, where did this movie come from? I had never heard of it, and with Mirren, Winslet, Norton, Knightley all in it, I thought that was odd. I also thought it would be just a sappy holiday movie, not really well reviewed, but maybe passable with all those good actors. But, hoo boy, when I read the reviews and the plot line…….!
I think it sounds interesting and I’m not one to dismiss a movie based on the critics. I’m gonna see it with my In Laws this weekend.
There is twist at the end of the movie and the biggest of all is
WARNING , SPOILERS…
that at the end it is revealed that the actors hired were actually death , time and love.
That was given away in one of the commercials I saw for the movie. It’s not a spoiler, they want you to know that from the get go.
Actually , no. The movie is sold like Will character is speaking to death , love etc… but when you go and watch the movie, you learn at the beginning that those people are actors hired to play those parts.
But the twist at the end is that it WAS actually Death, Time Love.
LOL well that’s not much of a spoiler when the viewer already thinks this…I mean that’s how they made it seem in the commercials. Either way I’m sure the movie will do alright because people like sappy sh*t this time of year.
Wow, I usually hate big spoilers, but that one is like a PSA to save your money.
Great cast, wasted talent.
I read this screenplay ages ago and I don’t think the combined powers of Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg could’ve saved it. Like, Will Smith gets gaslit horribly, Ed Norton is supposed to be some kind of hero but is a terrible human being, Kate Winslet’s entire arc is that she’s over the hill in every way at age 40…I have no idea why they ever gave this the go ahead. I can only imagine all the actors involved were blackmailed, had no other offers, or were being paid extortionate amounts of money. I kind of want to see it just to find out how terribly it turned out 😀
EL.Oh. EL me and my bf legit saw the trailer and remarked to one another: Well that looks like sh*t doesn’t it?” I replied ” Well., maybe people owed favors, or a multiple home tax bill needed to be paid”
I just went to see the trailer and it looks horrible.
Nice box of chocolates bodice complete with a ruffle vagina runway. That dress wouldn’t even pass the test for any version of a teen designer fashion tv show. Doesn’t she have any friends?
Chris Stuckmann did a funny review of this movie on his YouTube channel. He rants about how the marketing for this movie was basically a scam.
I can’t even tell what this movie is supposed to be about from the trailer. That is usually a giveaway that a movie is going to be terrible.
I wanted this to be good! My friend is struggling with the loss of her child, and I was hoping it would speak to/for people who’ve gone thru that. My friend would stab me in the throat if I hired an actor to shake her out of her grief. How insulting.
I saw will smith and I thought okay! this will be okay then his costar came on and he’s another well known scientologist and everything just came together. Sorry not going to bother.
I tend to stay away from movies that involve the death / grief aspect of losing a child (I’m a mom to 3 year old and 1 month old girls) and had no intention of seeing it. I hate movies that tug on the heartstrings of parents now that I have children. They are thoroughly unenjoyable to me.
Ouch Naomie. Ouch. You’ve banned mirrors from your life? You suffer from eye sight loss? Are you on acid?
What the hell is that mess on you?