Britney Spears’ re-hired cousin/assistant Alli Sims got served with a subpoena at a house party in L.A. late Saturday night. Britney’s music producer/sorta ex-boyfriend JR Rotem was also served at the party – by an ex-Israeli commando. How did that happen, you ask? Well it turns out that K-Fed’s celebrity lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, likes the drama a little more than he lets on. He hired Aaron Cohen of IMS Security – a business made up entirely of ex-Israeli commandos – to serve Sims and Rotem. I’m scared just writing that sentence. That dude must be pissed and making a major power play, to go all-out like that. Most people don’t like being served, and some will go all-out to avoid it. According to US Weekly, Sims and Rotem tried to leave the party in a car, and the Israeli commando followed them, finally shoving the subpoenas through an open car window after arguing with her. It’s a good thing for Cohen that you don’t have to get a signature.

“A visibly upset Sims attempted to avoid being served, and she and Rotem began to argue with Cohen. But, as an eyewitness reports, Cohen was not deterred by Sims’ denials and was forced to throw the subpoena through an open car window as Sims and Rotem fled in a friend’s car. Spears was spotted leaving the same party moments later and eventually joined Sims and Rotem at her Beverly Hills home.”

[From US Weekly]

Britney was also at the party and was said to be royally pissed. I’m pretty sure that was K-Fed’s lawyer’s intent, so it worked out well for him. E! News gives a little more information on the events Saturday night.

“Alli Sims, Spears’ honorary cousin, off-on personal assistant and wannabe pop star, was subpoenaed at a Hollywood house party early Sunday in connection with Spears’ ongoing custody battle with Kevin Federline, a source confirmed to E! News.

“Sims, who recently returned to the post of Spears’ right-hand woman after being briefly displaced earlier this year, was served with the legal papers just after 2:30 a.m. Sunday while leaving a party in the Hollywood Hills. While Spears was also in attendance at the party, the star did not witness the serving.

“The deposition subpoena, issued at the behest of Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, requires Sims to testify about Spears’ parenting skills in the ex-couple’s custody case and was served guerrilla-style by IMS-Security’s Aaron Cohen.”

[From E! News]

K-Fed filed for sole custody of his sons last Wednesday in Los Angeles Superior Court, and the next hearing is scheduled for tomorrow. Boy, those baby bottles filed with beer and Cheetos sandwiches aren’t going to look so good in court. “But your Honor, it’s light beer!”

“Kaplan is expected to question Sims on everything from what and how frequently Spears feeds sons Sean Preston, 22 months, and Jayden James, 10 months, how late they are allowed to stay up, how much time Spears spends caring for the boys and Spears’ party habits.

“But the 26-year-old Sims may not be the most impartial witness. While there is some question to whether they are blood relations, the two grew up together in Louisiana and have been inseparable for much of Spears’ tenure in Hollywood.

“Even after Sims left Spears’ employ earlier this year, she had nothing but glowing things to say about Spears. Sims told People earlier this month that Spears is ‘a wonderful mom and she is so hands-on…Britney loves those babies to death. And they adore her.’”

[From E! News]

I think it’s the “death” part that Federline is worried about. Back in the good old days, we used to make fun of K-Fed for being a money-hungry, pot-smoking layabout. It’s hard to say whether or not that’s still true, but he’s definitely the lesser of two evils. Britney has just gone crazy, and seems to be a haphazard mother at best. Remember a few weeks ago when she was screaming at that photographer to lose some weight, calling him a fat f*%$ while her kids were in the back of her car, sobbing? Probably not the best prioritizing. Mark Vincent Kaplan told US “’Kevin would like to have as much custody as he could because he feels that the children would benefit from that.’” It seems really hard to argue with that lately. I really wanted to hate Kevin Federline. I think the majority of the world agrees with me. We all tried, we really did, and thanks to Britney Spears, we’ve failed.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Alli Sims with Britney and Sean P at the Millennium Dance Studios awhile back. I just thought I’d put up a more visually-pleasing picture of Britney for the header, since all the new ones are gross and I’m eating lunch. Header shows Britney in happier times, at the 14th Annual Glamour Women Of The Year in 2003. Images thanks to PR Photos.