I’ve spent way too much time this week thinking about Brad Pitt and what he did or did not do on the international flight in September 2016, the flight where everything changed for Brangelina. What we know for sure is that something went down, a call was placed to Child Services and Brad has only recently started spending time with his kids again. I also know that Brad was seemingly in crisis mode for weeks, as “sources close to Brad” leaked quotes about how he maybe-probably went nose-to-nose with Maddox. We also know that Brad’s campaign against Angelina has continued all these months, but nowadays it is more undercover and shady. And we know Brad is talking like a self-help guru these days and that he says all of his problems are self-inflicted. So… I found this Us Weekly cover story to be too cute by half, basically. Us Weekly promises to dish some major dirt and the story is basically “he was drunk.”

Since the day Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt, her partner of 12 years and husband of two, their split has continued to make headlines. Now, sources close to the former pair spill new details exclusively to Us Weekly about the fateful flight that ended their marriage. Over the course of a roughly 12-hour journey from Nice, France, to Los Angeles on September 14, 2016, the Allied actor, 53, “was drinking heavily,” one insider claims. About an hour before touching down at Minnesota’s Falls International Airport to refuel, the Maleficent actress, 41, grew frustrated and asked her hubby to “sober up,” the source alleges.

As the plane came in for a landing, Jolie texted a travel coordinator to hire extra cars to ferry her and the couple’s six children — Maddox, 15, Pax, 13, Zahara, 12, Shiloh, 10, and twins Knox and Vivienne, 8 — to a hotel in an attempt to diffuse the situation with Pitt. “She said they could talk about everything in the morning,” the insider tells Us. Once they touched down in L.A., the kids “piled into the cars Angie pointed them to and locked the doors,” the source says, as Pitt hopped into a separate vehicle and traveled to an undisclosed location without his family.

Though many surmised that the plane incident was the final straw that pushed Jolie to file for divorce in September, an insider claims she made up her mind about ending the marriage months prior. Since then, Pitt has hired a therapist and a sober coach. “Today, Brad sees the kids and talks to Angie as little or as much as she wants,” a source close to the actor, who was cleared of child abuse allegations in November, tells Us. “He’s not making any demands. He’s just trying to do whatever he can to rebuild his relationship with Angie and his children.”

[From Us Weekly]

Yeah, not so revealing. Most of us following this story from the beginning already knew/surmised that it involved Brad being sh-tfaced. But even by his own admission, Drunk Brad wasn’t anything new or notable. While Angelina might have considered divorce in the previous months, whatever happened on the plane was the dealbreaker. And whatever happened on the plane was NOT “Brad got drunk and Angelina told him to sober up.”

Also: following the release of Brad’s GQ Style cover interview, E! News ran a story called “Why Brad Pitt Won the Jolie-Pitt War by Throwing Himself on His Sword.” This piece is… shady. “Cold” and “calculating” and “punitive” are ascribed to Angelina’s actions while Brad is “willingly taking the blame” for the “tortuous road.” F–king spare me.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Us Weekly and GQ Style.