Salma Hayek and her mother Diana Jimenez cover the latest issue of HOLA!, which is just Hello En Espanol. I don’t really know why this is happening, and my only explanation for it is two-fold: Salma is hawking her new film, How to Be a Latin Lover, plus Mother’s Day is coming up, and so why not? Obviously, the talk between the two women was all about motherhood and Salma’s daughter Valentina. Salma doesn’t have the best track record – in my opinion – of talking about motherhood, marriage and the like. She married a billionaire and she works when she wants to, in between calling herself a “homemaker.” She believes she was “born” to be a wife and mother, and she’s made some awkwardly-worded statements about how “awful” it is when women reach their 40s and don’t have kids. And now this:
Of motherhood in general, Salma Hayek says the important aspect, to her, is giving part of herself to someone else.
“Every woman has a maternal instinct inside and I think that it’s important that all humans try to have that experience and apply that maternal instinct to some living creature,” she says. “You don’t have to have children, but be responsible and take care of animals or a plant. Take care of another being.”
Continues the star, “Feeling responsible helps you develop as a human being. It doesn’t have to be a sacrifice but an intention that you give of yourself, and contribute to another living being’s life. That’s very rewarding. You learn a lot about yourself when you do something for someone else.”
I feel like I’m more than meeting her halfway when I say that I understand the sentiment she was going for, which is that there are a million ways to be a mother, a mentor, a big sister, an advocate, an activist, a nurturer, a friend, or a responsible mother to a fur-baby or plant. But here are my for-real questions. Does every woman truly have a maternal instinct, or is that something cooked up by the Baby Industrial Complex? Because I’ve met women with no maternal instinct. And it’s scary when they have kids. Also: why does every woman HAVE to nurture someone or something? Some days, it’s hard enough to take care of myself. (I don’t even have plants anymore, I’ve turned into one of those people who kills plants through apathetic negligence.)
Photos courtesy of WENN and HOLA!.
I have the maternal instinct of a plank of wood, which is why I never had children. I do take care of pets, though, so I guess that’s something?
Totally! I’m in the same boat. I’m a cat mom but that’s as far as it goes. And I like my cats better than most children.
Ever since she locked down her billionaire, she has been spouting Lady Bountiful, educate-the-unwashed-masses bullshit all over the place! Hard to believe that this is the same woman who worked so long and hard to make “Frida” happen! What she saying is sexist, elitist, patronizing, retrograde garbage!
Dragonwise – hear hear!
How presumptuous! Not every woman needs to have children to be fulfilled.
shut up salma
Why should she? It is her personal opinion and most Mexican women were raised thinking their ultimate goal is having children… That is perfectly respectable. It’s HER choice, HER opinion.
And if she presented as such, I’m sure fewer people would have issues. She didn’t though. Shes presenting it as something all women should do.
I know I am not feeling some status obsessed, out of touch, gender essentialist telling me how to live my best life.
“every woman”, “feeling responsible helps you develop “, “all humans”. She’s not talking about herself, she’s telling us how to act.
True, probably she didn’t choose her words correctly (she never does). But why would one be offended by what she has to say? I never had a maternal instinct until I learned I was pregnant. Then everything changed. But if it hadn’t I would have certainly not felt angered by what some celeb has to say about it,
@Kiki it’s offensive because she’s perpetuating a stereotype of how women should behave or feel.
Just because she was raised that way doesn’t mean she should never question it, or that she should tell others what is right or wrong.
Besides, women in latin america who are raised to be mothers are only the ones in very poor and misogynist environments. I very much doubt she was part of those.
I don’t know, Kiki, I agree with you. It’s for the same reason Gwyneth Paltrow has never bothered me. She has opinions but that doesn’t mean she has to begin each sentence with, “in my opinion” for us to know that just because she says it doesn’t make it an absolute for every single person. People read interviews to learn about a person’s unique views on life, work, etc. If everyone gives the same answers it’s kind of boring. (In my opinion!) It’s fine for people to say things others disagree with.
@Aren – “women in latin america who are raised to be mothers are only the ones in very poor and misogynist environments” . That’s a blanket statement if ever there was one and one might argue even less informed than the celebrity being discussed?
@Blaire Carter
+1m
Poisonous gender norms have got to go!! They have done nothing for women or men!
I’m with you. Ever since that LA lunch where she tried to tell Jessica Williams about HER experience I’ve been uninterested in anything she has to say.
Her experience is not everyone’s experience. And she should stop painting it as so
Exactly what I came to say.
Selma lacks humanity and awareness, she shouldn’t be giving advice.
Yup, she was questionable before, but the way she shut down Jessica Williams negates everything she says here and soured me on her forever (so no money from me ever again for something Salma is part of).
I have to agree with Kiki too. Yes, her words weren’t the best (her saying that EVERY woman feels this way/should feel this way), and I think that’s a fair critique. But it just seems like most people are eager to immediately take offense with what she says. It’s gotten to the point where it seems like everyone is projecting their own insecurities onto her. I agree with Kiki: if you’re not a woman who doesn’t feel like maternalistic at all, then fantastic! Who cares what Salma thinks? Be secure in who you are, and let others think their silly thoughts. And no need to be mad if you think she’s perpetuating the “gender norms.” We all have to remember the reason why we think this way is because, evolutionary, it’s what’s kept our species alive for hundreds of thousands of years. This new way of thinking has only popped up this last century, so give it time and don’t hate a person if they don’t think the way you do already. As for the Jessica Williams thing, I don’t necessarily think her and Shirley MacLaine were trying to shut her down. I think they were simply trying to offer a different perspective to view her life which is common in counseling or cognitive behavioral therapy. But I think it’s hard to communicate clearly in situations like that because emotions or adrenaline were involved. Anyway, just my two cents.
lol sorry for my rant. It’s just been frustrating recently seeing a lot of people taking these definitive stances on sex/gender identities and their roles in society when in this topic is so complex. Yes, environment plays a big role in our sex/gender identities, but it seems like more and more people are choosing to ignore the GIANT role biology plays in it too. Anyway, my official stance is usually, “I don’t know.” Camille Paglia has some interesting thoughts about what’s happening in society now. If she’s right, we’re essentially all screwed lol http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/sam-dorman/camille-paglia-transgender-mania-symptom-cultural-collapse
Ehm, no. Paglia is plain wrong here. And I say this as a historian interested in gender expressions. She can fall into the Gibbons trap as much as she likes, but that does not make this historical fact.
Paglia sounds to me like yet another Second Wave Feminist who just cannot fathom that the world may have evolved even further, and that there may still things left for them to learn. These ladies have tunnel vision.
I’m with WIlma.
Paglia is a victim blaming cow, who doesn’t get her science right and is a crappy feminist.
And get out of here with your evolutionary and naturalistic fallacy stuff too.
Maternal healthcare, seat belts, anti smoking laws, all things that increase health, all things that only came around in the last 100 years. Old doesn’t mean right, and previously it was thought that uteruses literally made women hysterical and that humours were linked to health.
And finally, we scientists are believing there is a larger nurture component because studies are showing just that.
Words matter, words count. Someone with a large platform trumpeting her own ignorant opinions, or even saying things incorrectly, does do damage.
Are you kidding me with this?
From the article:
“sex reassignment surgery, even today with all of its advances, cannot in fact change anyone’s sex, okay. You can define yourself as a trans man, or a trans woman, as one of these new gradations along the scale”
This is so frustrating and incorrect. What about those that are born intersex? XXY, or XX with androgen issues. Hermaphrodites. Don’t act as if this is all brand new and never before have there been atypical gender expression. Should all genetics be looked at as the ultimate ruling in self representation? I change my opinion. Paglia is a dangerous transphobic POS, with no understanding of history or science.
Salma always makes some eye-rolling comments.
Her mother is beautiful.
Speak for yourself, lady.
I disagree with her. Not every woman has a maternal instinct. We see that in humans and in the animal world. I’ve seen animals that care for other animals’ babies and some who can’t take care of their own.
i have children but to call it maternal is a slap in the face to woman who decided not to have children but are selfless and give to others love, compassion, a shoulder to lean on and know how to touch others.
ITA. Dedicating yourself to others, if that’s what she means, has nothing to do with maternal instincts. Some of the most selfless women I know never had kids.
I’ve got the maternal thing flowing, and nurturing is my way. Not everyone/woman is like this, and I don’t associate it with being more valuable or more womanly…it is what it is.
She should probably not speak about anything but her own experience. That’s enough.
I guess I do have some maternal instinct – it’s just 100% focused on my furry monsters. And I like it that way. I guess it does make me behave less selfishly, knowing the critters depend on me completely, and put their comfort and happiness before mine – but I also have the luxury of a fairly cushy job and some (not a lot) disposable income. I don’t know that I would be a very good ‘mum’ if I didn’t have an already fairly easy life. Don’t see the point in measuring someone’s worth by their ability/desire to ‘mother’ something or someone else.
Does she think she’s a deep philosopher or does she just toss off these stereotypical comments without thinking?
It’s all so reductive, isn’t it?
I think there is much to be said for proposing that you can get as much, if not more, fulfilment in life by not being a selfish, self-obsessed arse all the time and doing things for others – be that your own children or other people generally. But why must this be innate and gendered? It’s just a collaborative, collectivist and humanist outlook, surely?
I think she truly sees herself as a genius, that’s why she made that silly Frida bio-pic that was full of fiction. Even if she didn’t make the script, she clearly thought her made-up story was better than reality.
She lives in her own, extremely priviledged world and thinks what’s good for her must be good for every single person in the world. She’s a moron. And offensive. Not necessarily here (that’s just the moronic side of her speaking) but what she said to Jessica Williams showed just how much of an ass she really is. And so 1950s that I want to puke. Move on, it’s 2017.
Gimme a break and don’t speak for all women. What an ego!
I don’t even get the term “maternal instinct.” It’s so different for every woman. Like, I have two sons and I love them and I’m in it to win it mother-wise. But I don’t babysit, I don’t get “baby fever,” I don’t care if I end up with grandkids, none of that. It’s clearly very different for every woman; we can’t all just be put in one box. Some days, I don’t want to care for a damn thing and I’m doing good to open a can of tuna and cut some peppers, or microwave some burritos.
@Shannon me too. I did IVF have one great son most of the time but looking at babies makes me feel NOTHING. I never want to hold babies or babysit. I too don’t care if I have grandkids people use to ask me all the time you can’t have just one not realizing my age and the drama to have that one I said yes I can and you really need to love love kids to keep having them I don’t. That usually shut them up. I love my son but….
omg yes, my sons are 12 years apart, so for 12 years I heard, “you can’t have just one.” Now it’s like, “But don’t you want a daughter?” ugh. People, we actually do things besides care for everyone else and have kids.
Kaiser, I’m a killer of plants also because of neglect- you’re not alone! No, not every woman should have children. How many stories have we read about women abusing their children or giving their child/children over to a pedophile or watched as abuse happens (and yes, I understand it’s hard for some to get away from an abuser and have probably been abused themselves). My daughter has an ex-friend who has 3 children in foster care and just had a fourth and that one will probably wind up in foster care also. Not good mothering instincts.
She participated in a roundtable at Sundance about women in film and demonstrated she has no shame about blah-blah-blahing on issues she has no insight or knowledge on. (She basically dismissed Jessica Williams’s points about how being a minority woman in Hollywood (and basically everywhere) wasing behind TWO eight balls, never mind one.
It must be something to be so dumb you don’t know how dumb you are. I guess it helps when you’re married to a leathery billionaire.
Leathery is right. I’m just sure Salma would have married him if he were broke.
That roundtable was filmed and it was so painful to watch how no-one was sticking up for Jessica Williams and to see how she was silenced. Salma should shut up forever about nurturing others after that.
GIIIIIRRRRRLLLLLL… IF YOU DON”T SWIFTLY get the F*ck on somewhere, No We all Dont, secondly we gotta be Worth More than being a Something/someone Caretaker.. Just Don’t.. I’m at bandwidth capacity with Salma and her Bossy Mom Goddess of the House while my Husband goes be rich and Cheats Inanity
This comment is gold! “I’m at bandwidth capacity…” LOL! I’m dyin’!!
Love it.
I have orchids, but I sure as hell ain’t their mom (not even in an emotional state).
Nope, didn’t get that gene. Sorry Salma.
I don’t have a maternal instinct and i don’t have kids for that reason. But i take care of the people i love. I think that’s being a decent person. I wouldn’t say it’s maternal. My husband also takes care of the people / things he loves. She comes across as pretentious.
Why is it that women are expected to take care of something/someone? Whether it be a husband, a child, an aging parent, a pet. Can’t some women just want to take care of themselves and themselves only? That doesn’t make you a bad person.
YES. THIS.
Phrases like “maternal instinct” have helped to limit women’s opportunities. I would liken it to the Victorian idea that women were too fine and pure to have real lives or careers.
Our role is to save others, and if we can’t, we failed, men are not responsible for their own actions, sheesh…
I take of myself and myself only. I’m perfectly happy with that. That said I get on perfectly well with others.
Ummm wrong! My older sister in law has the mothering instinct of a reptile but she still has a kid because many of her contemporaries have children of school going age and she wanted the attention that being a pregnant woman can bring like baby showers and all.
At least the child has you in their life.
Nurture is the correct word. Yup. And she should have said most humans have a nurturing side….okay, half of humans have a nurturing side? 😳 I don’t know. I’ve lost a lot of faith in humans lately.
It’s a woman’s magazine & Mother’s Day is big in Mexico – at least with the Mexican people I know, it’s a huge hold holiday. Salma does put her foot in her mouth often
She has no idea what she is talking about. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever. Growing up, I thought that my “biological clock” would turn on in my 30s and change this but, it never did. So, I was smart enough NOT the have children, which is a good thing.
I’ve never had the instinct. I never entertained the idea of having children and at 41, my mind hasn’t changed.
It’s not the motherhood comments that even bug me. It’s the “I have 100% figured out the universal truths of how to human correctly and am here to share it with the world.” How El Goop of her.
Exactly.
Como se dice goop en espanol?
Culo
This has been my observation: people that don’t have kids, tend to nurture people, plants, and or animals. It is in all of us as human beings to care for something. Not everyone is meant to be a parent, and that is a good thing. Because taking care of friends that need help or pets or just being “world’s greatest aunt” , is just as important as being a parent. There is a place for everyone.
Yes, although I’m sure a few people are indeed 100% selfish 😁
But I think it’s toxic to just frame women as nurturing the way Salma did.
Salma is so incredibly clueless and obnoxious, that is all.
what an inspiring interview! off to buy a plastic plant now! must apply maternal instinct!
😂
“apathetic negligence” lol.
my plants function under a “feast then famine” regime….and oddly enough they are doing ok.
F#ck off Selma, you’ve been canceled since that blackwomensplaining ish you did months ago. Can’t stand looking or hearing about her anymore
What an asshole. I once witnessed a conversation between my sister, who may be infertile as a result of reproductive cancer that she overcome (thank whatever powers that be), and my cousin’s mother-in-law. She stood there and just pounded my sister with, “a woman is meant to be a mother, don’t you want to be a mother? I know that I was born for it… you say you don’t want kids now but you’ll regret that” and it was one of a few times that I felt more defensive and a stronger need to protect my sister than ever before.
Women who make comments like this are such fucking IDIOTS. There is no other way around it. You want kids? You feel maternal? Go have babies. Hop off everyone else’s uterus. If you’re so deeply moved by what others choose to do (or not do) with their lives/bodies/time, obviously you aren’t as happy in your personal life as you claim to be.
I’m officially done with this woman. Doe anyone else remember when she tried to give marital advice and it was along the lines of “be as subservient as possible, even to the point of letting him pick out your clothes.” She has these tiny moments where she seems sane and logical but then she keeps talking and confirms that she is privileged, idiotic, and way too preachy. Piss off, Selma. Very few people in any at all give a flying fuck about your opinion.
I meant to touch on this in my original post but didn’t make it in time…
“And it’s scary when they have kids. Also: why does every woman HAVE to nurture someone or something?”
THIS. This is SO important. This pressure being placed on women to procreate when they shouldn’t is one of the biggest problems in our society for so many reasons, but arguably the most important one is the fact that sometimes people who really shouldn’t be parents have children because of that pressure and those poor kids suffer for it every damn day. There’s so much fucked up shit that women do to other women, (like the constant competing and putting each other down) but putting pressure on each other to have babies because some of us are just programmed that that is what we should all do and anyone who deviates is bad/wrong/odd, is one of the absolute worst. This stigma needs to die already.
Yes!
If a woman wants to nurture her career and her bank account, and buy expensive shoes, without a partner or family, fine! I wish all humans would give back to others as a rule, but beyond that, people have a right to their own values. I draw the line when others are harmed.
My hope for us as women is that we feel free enough to truly do our own thing. As self-examining as I have been, I see how much I was sucked into roles in my life. Not just by society as a whole, but that played a role.
I want to be free, and for other women to have that, too, however that looks.
She said everyone, not just women, should nurture something. She is right in that it tells you a lot about who you are. And maybe gives you a different perspective on things. Could make us all better people. As for all women having this instinct…not sure myself. I have never wanted to be a mum, but I surround myself with animals. I love kids, but not that much!
I have managed to successfully raise kids so far, but I cannot keep a plant alive for more than a couple months, without fail. I have a total black thumb.
No pets, plants or kids and I’m 100% content. Don’t speak for me Salma. On the other hand, she grew up in Mexico and the Catholicism there is no joke. With that comes the veneration of Mary and with it, the exaltation of Motherhood as the be all, end all for women. That’s tough to shake.
Let’s just ignore what she said as it’s beyond ridiculous. The burning question is why has she dressed her leg as a superhero?
What on Earth is that outfit? Wtf
The concept of maternal instinct is a social and cultural construct designed to keep women in their place: In the home, raising children.
Both sexes can feel a biological imperative to reproduce, and both sexes can be equally nurturing. I personally enjoy kids more when they’re older, so my husband was, in many ways, a better mommy when our kids were babies.
Hayak is just spouting more of the same pseudoscientific BS that’s made generations of women feel unnatural if their inborn “instinct” to procreate and keep house is delayed or denied.
Maybe someone should let her know it’s not 1952 anymore.
I think that she means well, but people are getting hung up on where she says “every woman… because she end the statement with “You learn a lot when you do something for another person.” I think that is a very selfless ( uh duh) and something that I strive for . As I believe that the world does not revolve around me and that I don’t have all the answers, and also that I need to learn more and listen to all points of view.