There’s a lot to discuss about Day 3 of the Taylor Swift-David Mueller trial, so let’s get to it. Day 3 involved testimony from Mueller, the DJ who allegedly groped Taylor in 2013, as well as testimony from Taylor’s mom Andrea Swift, who was backstage when the alleged groping took place. Here’s an interesting part of Swift’s lawyer questioning Mueller:
Taylor Swift‘s lawyer hit back Wednesday at former radio show host David Mueller after he accused the star on the second day of their headline-making trial of costing him his job and ruining his reputation. Mueller was questioned by Swift’s attorney, Doug Baldridge.
“They didn’t file a lawsuit against you in public, did they?” asked Baldridge, who suggested Mueller “rendered himself unemployable” by telling people in the radio industry about Swift’s allegations against him. Balridge also added that Swift did not report the alleged incident to police at the time because she didn’t want it to go public or be reported by the media, nor did she or her team contact KYGO about the incident. In his initial court filing, Mueller claimed he was approached by Swift’s security team after the incident. According to the court documents, Mueller claimed her security team accused him of touching her butt, then escorted him and his girlfriend out of the building. Two days later, he was fired from his job at KYGO.
Mueller went on to admit that for sure, he could have sought work at another radio station and that Taylor and her team did not go scorched-earth on him nation-wide – they just sought to get him fired from his current employer, KYGO.
Meanwhile, after Taylor told her mom that Mueller had groped her, Andrea Swift told the court that Swift was “really shaken, she was humiliated, she was horribly embarrassed because he grabbed her bare ass.” Andrea told the court that she and Taylor decided not to go to the police because they didn’t want this incident to “define her life” and “I did not want every interview from now on to have to make her include what happened to her. I did not want her to have to live through the endless memes and GIFs that tabloid media and internet trolls would come up with. We absolutely wanted to keep this private, but we did not want him to get away with it. He sexually assaulted her.”
Finally, Page Six reports that Taylor’s people have been “frantically calling late-night talk shows to ask if hosts are planning to make jokes about her case.” An insider tells Page Six that Swift “doesn’t really want to be in the media cycle unless it’s on her own terms. She loves to control her narrative. I’m sure she doesn’t want to have this moment right before she’s gearing up for an album release.” I mean… sure, I’ll always say that Taylor Swift is an anal retentive control freak about her image. But I also think she really hopes that being sexually assaulted isn’t fodder for late-night comedy?
Photos courtesy of Backgrid.
I really admire her for pursuing this. His behavior WAS criminal. Good for her!!
I do too. Glad she’s holding her ground.
@GRANDJEN Your saying this before he is even found to be guilty? I don’t understand how it is even a trial. IF he intentionally grabbed her ass of course he should be held accountable. In my opinion he looks as if he was leaning without looking. That’s like if someone reached across you an accidentally swiped pass your breast. You have to prove intent, did he intentionally touch her bum?
Taylor be no means deserved to be assaulted this way if that’s what really happened. However her history of being a secret mean girl and shady/petty ie. Katy Perry and Kanye, did prove that she purposely created a “victim” image. She could have immediately turned around after the picture was taken and directly asked him -did you just try to grab my ass on purpose? The dress she was wearing was so short it and since she is so tall it most likely came right below her cheeks, his hand was outstretched so it’s possible his fingertips could have brushed her cheek because of the angle of his arm. He he cuffed his hand that would defiantly prove intent. This entire case has been dragged out for way too long, there are truly more important cases than this.
Wow, you really went to the “she was wearing a short skirt” place? Nice.
@COMMENTINGBUNNY I was in no way implying she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt, it’s her body of course she can dress however she pleases. I only mention what she was wearing and compare it to her height, on a regular person the dress probably should have came mid thigh or even a little higher. Since Taylor is so tall the dress will of course be shorter on her. I was saying this in relation to where the mans hand looks like it’s placed but we only have a front view so no one really knows.
Konfused: Get defensive if you want, but your comment was gross, victim-blaming and makes me sick. She’s a mean girl. She was wearing a short skirt. She didn’t react in the “right” way. The alleged assault isn’t important.
Also: *you’re.
@konfused – Have you ever had something like that happen to you? When I was “goosed” by a man walking by as I waited in the checkout line (in a short skirt), I was paralized. I was too shocked to immediately react, and that gave him enough time to walk away and disappear into the crowd. NO ONE can possibly know how they’ll react until they’re in that situation…
**steps off soapbox**
You do seem Konfused. This isn’t a criminal trial. It’s a civil case where the two are suing each other. No one is going to be found “guilty.”
@paranormalgirl I guess “liable” is a better word.
This is a CIVIL case, not a criminal one. There will be a finding of liable or not liable. The word “guilty” will not be used. It’s a civil case and civil cases take years. This one has actually moved along quite quickly. And her clothing is irrelevant
It’s not a trial, this is a civil case
I don’t think this is some big deal like most other people’s stories but it still made me wickedly uncomfortable. I was at work, I’m only 20 too so im pretty young not that it really matters but still, and some huge olderish man came up to me and my coworker to ask us a question. He stood uncomfortably close to me and then pressed his body up against my side; i started leaning really for over and he was still pushing his side against me. As he started to leave he asked “you know why I’m doing this right?” I just grimaced and then he said “It’s because I’m attracted to you.” I wanted to hurl. He then laughed and said “haha I’m just messing with you. I thought it would be funny to do that!” He was with his 4 year old kid too! I wasn’t too sure he was joking just because he kept physically pushing up against me. I was glad my shift was almost over because I was so disturbed and felt sick to my stomach. I had no idea how to react to this guy in the moment. I just froze because I was so grossed out. As I said this isn’t as bad as someone grabbing me in a private area but it was enough to make me uncomfortable as hell. So as much as I hate Taylor I feel really bad for her here. It’s gross and she didn’t deserve that.
People are too emotional to look at the situation objectively. Her story, like his, has contradictory statements to it. And she was rude and snotty in her answers which was unnecessary.
‘Konfused’ here was one of the same people going overboard to defend Robert Kardashian’s sex crime and behavior toward Blac Chyna, so it’s not all that surprising once you consider the source.
@Konfused: none of Taylor Swift’s past manipulative shenanigans with other stars mean she’s lying about him assaulting her. She doesn’t have to be perfect to be a victim. You’re also completely ignoring this man’s own dishonest behavior- like trying to destroy incriminating evidence.
Ohhhh u mean it was an ACCIDENT. That Taylor wouldn’t have the wherewithal to know the DIFFERENCE between an awkward swipe of the hand and an intentional GRAB OF HER ASS. Kinda Like when a man rubs his d!ck against you or sweeps his hand across your genitals in a crowded bar, amiright? Because it’s pretty hard to “prove” that he’s a sleezy, DISGUSTING perv in those circumstances. Right?
WRONG. I’m PROUD of Taylor for standing up and declaring that this type of abuse isn’t OKAY. She faces WAY more backlash for doing what she’s doing, which shows TRUE charactor , imo. #teamtaylor
‘OTAKU FAIRY’ ..Ms./Mr. Fairy, lol I did not go overboard on anything thank you, I stated an opinion, just because my opinions don’t immediately agree with one side does not mean the other side is correct.
I agree with people being too emotional, i.e. people like you🙄, to look at a situation objectively. Because I had the audacity to state an opinion on Taylor does not mean I believed the guy was not liable. Only thing I said was people were coming to conclusions before the case was even over. Both sides statements that contradicted each other. For such a “feminist” site, you ladies waste no time jumping down someone’s throat who dare to have a different opinion.
My only question is why do these victim Blaming post make it through modding everytime and only on T Swift posts?
Well woody and oj were not found quilty…
konfused: Being a feminist doesn’t mean you need to entertain chauvanistic drivel all the time. Tolerance is a social contract, and once you’ve shown you don’t follow that, I don’t need to tolerate your nonsense.
Abusers and molestors rely on your type of illogical thinking for safety. I’m sure you feel real good and just providing that for them.
https://extranewsfeed.com/tolerance-is-not-a-moral-precept-1af7007d6376
http://feministing.com/2014/05/30/an-open-letter-to-privileged-people-who-play-devils-advocate/
No. Seriously don’t do what you are doing. It is invalidating and putting the responsibility on the victim. No one has the right to touch another person anywhere on their body unsolicited. It is an intrusion and it is an assault. Women go through this far too much and it needs to be hammered home. Taylor’s personality has nothing to do with it. If she had everything on display he still isn’t allowed to touch her. Naked or clothed it is a No. Every. Single. Time.
Why in the world would she put herself through this?
if it was an accident, i think the normal reaction was to instantly move away and go oh my god sorry!
I have certainly accidentally touched my friend’s body parts one time or another, and my reaction was always an instant embarrassed sorry!
@Llamas — so sorry that happened to you. You didn’t imagine anything, your instincts were right. Always trust your gut and know it’s ok to speak up. I hope that revolting individual gets what’s coming to him.
This time I believe her. I do.
I hate, that Taylor is serial dater.
I hate, that she likes to play the victim card, but … you are not allowed to assault young woman only because she wears short dress with deep cut, is friendly, flirty and a little bit promiscuous. You are not allowed to touch her! You are not allowed!
Remember all the women who came forward and had stories about trump’s disgusting behavior? I really hate trump and I hate that so many people didn’t find this disqualifying to vote for this sexual predator. I just heard another story from a friend, who is a reporter, about a women in NYC who was too afraid to come forward last year. Trump basically walked into where she was working and put his hand up her skirt and grabbed her private parts. I’m sure this is really sad and traumatic for Taylor Swift, but I commend her for pursuing this and helping publicize behavior that used to be swept under the rug. No more, I hope.
The whole page 6 article is so shady and sexist.
For me the most horrifying part of her mums testimony was where she had agonised over whether they had brought her up to be too polite because Taylor had said an automatic “thank you” afterwards. And what a scum bag that mans lawyer was to ask if her son would inappropriately touch a woman .
I gotta be honest, I’m crying now because of the “thank you” part. It hit home.
F*ck politeness.
SSDGM
😀
The sad thing is her Mum isn’t even exactly wrong, because I think women in general are raised way too polite whether intentionally or by accidental socialisation. You know the good ole a man is assertive a woman is an bossy bitch. Most women, me included, are socialised in ways that means they keep on smiling and pretending outside while on the inside they are cringing/furious etc. I certainly kept on smiling etc while on the inside I was wishing I could punch that guy in the face. I think that applies here too. Just imagine she had reacted “appropriately” and slapped him when he grabbed her ass. The shit storm quite probably would have ended her career. Even the way it’s going down now, a lot of the coverage is less than flattering for Taylor.
I vaguely remember reading somewhere a long time ago and it really stuck with me that women are more likely to be victims of personal violence because we have been socialized to “be nice” and that even if our instincts are screaming at us that we are in a potentially dangerous situation we will ignore that instinct so as not to be offensive or rude. For example, we might see someone hinky in a parking lot and not want to go to our car, but we will go to it anyway because we don’t want to hurt or offend the person in the parking lot to the detriment of our own safety.
Was that from The Gift of Fear? I found that book really impactful, I read it years ago, but its message has stayed with me.
I don’t know if grabbing someone’s ass fits the legal definition of sexual assault, but it certainly fits the legal definition of sexual harassment. Since Mueller was there in his capacity as a DJ at KYGO, they were right to sh$tcan him. If he should be suing anyone, it should be the radio station for wrongful termination, not Swift for reporting the incident. This guy obviously thought he could get some quick settlement cash out of Swift. What an a$$hole.
Agreed on all counts. I admire her for fighting this creep.
Here’s the Dept. of Justice definition of sexual assault. “Asses” can be objects of sexual activity and thus of sexual assault. “Grabbing” implies lack of consent. Good for Swift, good for her mother for supporting her at home and in court.
“Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.” — Jun 16, 2017
He sued the mom too
His sense of entitlement is utterly baffling. (IMO) he clearly grabbed her and got justifiably fired. She didn’t do anything to his reputation – he ruined it by himself. Plus he’s lucky she/her people didn’t call the police on him. And now he thinks he can take on someone with the money to hire the best lawyers and continue litigation for as long as she wants with his weak, hole-ridden case/arguments?! Just take the L!
There’s a great op-ed in the Times about exposing rapists on social media because the legal system is not providing justice. One of the points of the op-ed is precisely this: that the majority of rapists rape and continue their lives without consequence. Rapists are not discouraged from raping because there is no effective deterrent. So, yes, profoundly entitled and I’m sure has probably gone through his life helping himself to whatever was in reach and is only now finding himself on the short end of the stick, potentially. I say potentially because this is a country where Brock Turner got three months for dragging an unconscious girl into an alley and raping her because the judge was worried about his future!
@ELX is there a link you could share?
In his testimony he said, “When she didn’t invite me over to pose for the photograph with her, I considered her cold and stand-offish. She didn’t acknowledge me.”
It kind of makes me wonder if the butt grab was a form of vengeance. “I’ll teach you to ignore me!” kind of thing. It seems his ego was insulted just before the assault. I think that has to figure in some how.
Tiffany:) Very good point. I’ll show you stuck up bitch. It is aggressive and humiliating so I think you are on to something.
Re:harassment vs. assault, I’m clueless about the law in this area, but I feel that putting his hand up her skirt and touching the skin of her butt makes it more serious than “harassment” implies. Up the skirt is a bigger violation than over the clothes, though they are both awful. (Edited to add that I didn’t see Who are These’s informative comment before I posted! )
Exactly! I would say sexual harassment is verbally sexualizing a conversation and/or giving her a quick smack on the butt outside of her clothes. Grabbing her bare butt under her skirt is sexual assault.
Sexual assault is on a continuum but reaching up someone’s skirt & grabbing their bare butt?! How is that NOT sexual assault in anyone’s world. And no thank you to the world where a young woman gets her butt sneakily molested under her skirt by a grow man & these are the questions that pop up. Jeebs- this bums me out that people are trying to parse out whether or not she was assaulted vs harassed & whether she was at work or not for…..I am not sure of the point.
Yes reaching under a person’s clothes and groping their arse is considered assault. Harassment would be telling them you want to. The action turns it to assault.
That’s in our sexual Harrassment policy at work.
Yes, surprising that the victim of sexual assault doesn’t want that assault to be mocked all over television and the internet. Imagine that the violation of being touched without consent is something of a nightmare, and coping with it is far more difficult when others are laughing at you. For all the grief we give Taylor, I think she’s setting an example, particularly for young girls, that this behavior is unacceptable and should be challenged.
Even with a dozen security guards, she still can’t keep a jack hole like this from grabbing her behind. Glad she is suing him and I’m glad he was fired. He probably deserved it for a number of reasons.
Creeps like this often get off on exactly this kind of thing, it just adds to the excitement that there are other people around. It also adds to the victims shame.
This guy has probably done this kind of thing before, so I’m kind of surprised that there aren’t other women coming forward.
I would bet this happens more often than we know. I have a girl friend who has the cutest, roundest bubble butt. She’s a trainer and completely hard everywhere else and so it’s really noticeable/adorable. She has had her bum cupped while meeting stars for pictures before. I think the assumption is she would accept the behavior because she’s there to meet the star and what fan is going to accuse the object of their admiration. She’s insecure and likes the attention and goes with it but Swift would naturally feel very differently. And my friend is like 5 feet tall so the really have to work to get down as far as her butt.
I was in a backstage area one time waiting for the people I knew. A girl about 12 years old was standing there with a friend and both of their moms. The girl said that if she saw the lead singer, she was just going to grab his butt. She didn’t care, she wouldn’t see him again. She was going to grab his butt. Her mom, the other mom and her friend just laughed like it was the cutest thing.
Sadly, I do think a lot of people feel entitled to touch celebs bodies. They think it makes a great story, they won’t see them again, not thinking about the person being grabbed.
@Fishbeard +1000.
This was the point someone made yesterday when her lawyer made the comment “she’s doing this for all women.” That she has a lot of younger fans and this is the example she wanted to set for them. I absolutely applaud Taylor for standing up for herself and perusing this.
I’m glad she’s doing this. The fact it’s only for $1 also helps me think she’s doing it for the right reasons. And while she does like to control her image, in ANY case I completely understand why you’d try to control this particular narrative. It’s heartbreaking how survivors of assault get treated.
Yes absolutely. As we learned in the case of Amber Heard, victims must be paragons of virtue lacking any self-interest.
Her mom’s testimony made me want to cry. I can’t imagine how utterly helpless you must feel when someone you love deeply has something like this happen 🙁
This guy is such a scumbag. I hope Taylor was able to find something to help her through this, whether it be therapy or something else. Idc who they are, no one deserves to have this happen to them, ever.
It hit me in my heart. I would fight to the death for my kids but in a situation like that, it is hard to say what anyone would do.
It should not be fodder for late night jokes. And yes, being groped is completely humiliating, one reason why she did not immediately speak up. Girls and young women rarely do. I’ve been through it myself.
No shame in not speaking up! Our society does not protect or support us when we do speak up & it’s an uphill battle where we are met with more shame, harassment (from abuser & others) & revenge (see the case above). People ask why women don’t speak up and I wonder why we do at all. We are taught to be polite, we are taught that if an assault is not water off our back then there is something wrong with us, we are taught to take abuse & not rock the boat. We victim blame the hell out of women who are sexually harassed or assaulted & after being a victim who the hell wants the wrath of society’s blame?! I hope things are changing….
I completely agree. Well said, MC2.
Me too. I had something relatively minor happen to me around age 12, and I was too scared, too polite to do anything other than get myself out of the situation. As I grew older and thought about it, I was SOOO mad at myself for not speaking up – mainly because I’m sure the guy went on to do worse to others. So much guilt. And I think predators are good at targeting people who will likely feel that way, and that includes celebrities who know everything they say and do turns into a news story.
This guy probably thought he’d get away with it, and probably has before. I’m really glad Taylor is fighting back against him.
“This guy probably thought he’d get away with it, and probably has before.”
Yes. If he is doing this to someone who has power, imagine what he has done to women who don’t. He seems like a really awful person.
I hope she wins. Two years ago I was groped by my crotch in the Paris subway that was at 200% of its capacity. The subway was for free on New Years eve and it was madness, there was no control of capacity, just people frenetically jumping in and out of it.
I made the mistake of wearing a short dress and leggings and in one popular station a wave of people pushed my husband a couple of meters far and I was stuck and not even able to breath properly. Then, I felt a hand below my skirt touching my underwear. I froze because I couldn’t believe what was going on and looked for the responsible, it was a teenager that didn’t had the guts to look me in the eye. The only thing that crossed my mind was to escape from that train in the next station so I jumped out at the first opportunity.
My husband asked me why I didn’t shout at him for help or twisted my attacker’s fingers. Until this day I am not able to answer why I paralyzed and still feel very guilty and ashamed about it.
Because you were taken by surprise. It’s hard to imagine some stranger would have the audacity to help himself to your body, and when it does happen, sometimes the shock overcomes every other normal reflex.
Yes, exactly. I wish people would stop asking, “Why didn’t you do anything?” Because it’s such a violation of normal behavior, which is exactly what makes it assault in the first place. When it happens within the family, the shock is equally great or greater for this same reason.
It sounds flippant, but we could really use a Mad Magazine list of Mad’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions for the ways abuse and assault survivors are questioned.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You don’t have to feel guilty and ashamed – you’re allowed to feel however you’re feeling – but i am so sorry YOU have residual feelings of guilt and shame when you were the victim.
Edit- what Melissa said!
Fight, flight, and freeze are all normal responses to someone’s abnormal behaviour.
Had this exact same thing happen to me in Istanbul, same circumstances as well: overcrowded train so I couldn’t move away from the man pressing his erect penis into my ass and humping me, or the second time, when a different man put his fingers inside me. It’s horrifying and worse when you feel you have no options. I was in a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language and that wasn’t always super friendly toward women, I didn’t feel like I could slap the man’s hand away or slap his face in either instance. You feel powerless and dirty. I’m glad Taylor is doing this.
a similar thing happened to me in bangkok. it was rush hour and the train was packed and some dude proceeded to pressed his hardon into me. I was paralyzed and didn’t know what to do. i wish i would have told him off or do something. i was shocked, i wasn’t even sure that it was really happening at the time. i’ve lead a pretty shelter life (and i was pretty young when it happened) and nothing like that has ever happened nor have i ever thought it was a possibility. at the time i was only thinking about how i could remove myself from the situation. the only way to move around the crowded train would have possibly subject my little sister to the prev, so that wasn’t happening. tbh i’ve never even told anyone about it until now, so i too am tired of everyone asking why taylor didn’t do anything or tell anyone about it.
Same thing to me except it was Memphis and we were watching the duck parade at the Peabody. My then-husband was more annoyed with me being upset than he was at the random who jumped me. I felt numb and traumatized for hours, honestly
Something similar happened once in Italy. I was at a bar having fun with my friends and I felt a hand rubbing my butt but I would turn and couldn’t tell who it was. I shifted but it happened again. I turned and this guy was smiling and he grabbed my head and kissed me on the lips. People were laughing and I laughed too because I didn’t know how to feel and thought I would be judged if I reacted. But it bothered me and I wanted to cry.
@magnoliarose speaking of italy, during my freshman year i visited my friend who was studying abroad in germany and we went to rome. my friend and i were taking pictures and this dude asked if we were married, i said no, my friend said yes. and the guy proceeds to kiss me on the lips and then shows me his wedding ring. my friend thought it was hilarious and brings it up now again, i on the other hand was bothered by it.
@TD I was sexually assaulted once and during the act I felt paralyzed. I don’t know how that fits into fight or flight – I did manage to get my wits together, told him to stop, he stopped and told me not to tell anyone about that, I told him I wouldn’t !!!!! – and then I left. Luckily, after a week I didn’t get to see him again. I don’t think about that episode unless I read other people’s accounts about sexual assault.
If anyone needs to feel guilty and ashamed it’s the men who do this to women, or women to do this to men.
@Tyrant Destroyed You should not feel ashamed at all. Freezing is unfortunately often a response to unwanted touching/assault. My story: I had a boss of mine put his arm around me after luring me to his apartment to “pick something up for work” and the experience frightened me so much that I quit my job a few weeks later. I told the HR manager what happened in my exit interview, and she said, “why didn’t you come tell me this? You shouldn’t quit your job.” And I know I shouldn’t have, but he was still going to be my boss (startup company with personalities in charge of departments), and I was too afraid to work with HR to confront him. I didn’t trust that he would be punished at all. There were very few women managers at my level–there was a lot of travel and good old boy stuff that went on behind the scenes. I had ignored it up until then. Ugh. Yucky memory. Anyhow, it’s a common thing that happens, sadly. I hope you will not feel bad about yourself, because it’s the man’s fault for attacking you in the first place!
TD, you didn’t “make a mistake” when you chose an outfit you liked and felt comfortable in. There were no mistakes on your part, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. I am so sorry that happened to you.
Tyrant Destroyed — You did NOT make “the mistake of wearing…” You were in Paris in 2015 and were perfectly reasonable to wear what you wore. What you choose to wear is a personal choice for your own comfort, self-expression or whatever—What it is NOT is permission for someone to do whatever they wish to YOUR body. Please do not see your choice of clothes as a mistake. A criminal violated your body and your rights. I hope that you are able to find peace and not second guess your own rational, reasonable and understandable choices and responses.
I am SO TIRED of women being expected to and having to live in a prey/predator world. When we do fall victim to assault, we blame ourselves because we “should’ve known better” or “shouldn’t have worn that” or “shouldn’t have taken that drink” or “shouldn’t have gone there.” The only SHOULDN’T in assault is that the criminal SHOULDN’T COMMIT CRIMES. Period. Sorry for the caps rant but as a woman, sister, daughter and mother of a daughter I am tired. I’m tired of women being taught that, and made to feel as though, the protection and defense of their bodies are strictly their own responsibility–they must proactively plan and behave to protect themselves in every imaginable scenario. Why can’t we focus on the actual problem of boys and men who have no respect for girls and women and who see assault as an opportunity to be seized if a women “permits” it by not protecting herself enough? An assault is not an opportunity allowed by the victim’s inability to foresee the future. Assault is a crime against another person who does not give absolute consent in that moment. Sigh.
As a sexual assault survivor myself, her mom’s testimony made me cry, because it was SO familiar. I often find Taylor to be irritating and holier than thou, but I believe her. This DJ is disgusting and his sense of entitlement is baffling. It reminds me so much of the man who assaulted me, who basically got to go on with his life and is now enrolled in law school, while it’s been a struggle for me to move on in a healthy way. I’m so glad she’s going after this guy, and I hope she’s successful. This is such a good thing for young women and men, a majority of whom probably are fans of hers to see, this incredible bravery on display. I tip my hat to Taylor and hope that she’s able to be okay.
Hugs to you Tess. I tip my hat to YOU and hope that you are able to be okay. Speaking up (even on a gossip blog) is a good thing. And f- the guy who assaulted you. Karma is a patient one…..
For all she gets back at old boyfriends in her music, she did the right thing by taking this guy to court.
Sexual assault is the only crime where the victim is more on trial than the assailant. It’s infuriating. The area in which I live is currently relitigating the Stubenville Rape Case because one of the rapists was sought out and invited by the head coach to walk on to the Youngstown State University football team. A student started a petition to ask the school to remove him from the team and over 10,000 have signed it, so it’s dominated the news and social media for the past week. There are many posts about how “he was just 16 and made a mistake”, “she was drunk and a slut anyway”, “there was no intercourse, so it’s not like he actually raped her”, “he deserves a second chance”, etc. As an alumnus, I’m appalled by the situation and the way the university is handling it. They actually claim that Title IX gender discrimination extends to him and that he will sit the bench this year – in other words, we will wait until next year when you people have forgotten about this because we don’t care that he is a rapist, he is good at football. Disgusting.
One of the big changes I noticed in moving from the USA to Canada was the lesser worship of student athletes. Canada has problems with sexual assault and misogyny too, including in higher ed, but football teams (militarism breeding grounds, as far as I’m concerned) don’t drive the social culture or the economy of higher ed to nearly the same extent. It would be shock to be around that again.
Sorry you have to witness this and I hope you can effect some change.
This is nice to hear! As someone who had always been a feminist but enjoyed college football….I have to be there with open eyes. Forget the worship of these guys & the glory of being ultra masculine which means raping women to these guys. Naw- I’m done with college football & the NFL. I’m done with a racist & sexist organization that hides assaults so that grown men can watch boys beat their heads into each other for Sunday Funday. Nope, no, done.
Recently my my aunt defend some guy after he was caught sexually molesting a much younger girl on numerous occasions cuz he was “only” a teen & my aunt has cheered him on at games before. I look at her much differently now. We can do better.
Teens are old enough to know better. “Only a teen” is not the same as “only a child” and if a young boy molested anyone it should be seen as inappropriate and likely acting out something bad that happened to him. That’s a shame about your aunt. If men won’t do it, then women have to protect girls.
More about the NFL it’s profiting on the brain damage and early terrible deaths of its players, as well. Hockey, too.
Sounds like a great place, School football, HS and College has become a cesspool even more so with the discovery of CTE. Only positive with CTE, the cultural supremacy of this sport in our schools and culture will slowly diminish as more and more parents even the kids themselves opt out of what is school sponsored violence.
Wtf is wrong with men??! She did the right thing. This is why women have higher levels of anxiety and “neuroticism” Google, because on top of being the victims of unwanted groping and attention 90% of the time, we are also taught we are responsible for it, to accept it, apologize for it, or even say “thank you” to our assailant. I seriously hate men and misogynistic women a little more every day after Trump got elected. I’m glad she saw this through. Good for her. It’s hard to do so and almost impossible to do so when you’re not rich and famous.
Agree with your comments but please, please, please don’t repeat google guy’s psychobable. Google guy has No science to back *HIS* claim that women have a higher rate of neurotism. As far as I know it’s a myth that started with Freud and continues to be repeated in order to belittle women without scientific proof.
I was in a workshop once when this trainer guy told all of us there that unlike men, women cannot control their reactions in this particular situation because they are neurotic due to “hormones and things”. The next day I sent a complaint to the big guy who organized the workshop, he appreciated I brought that to his attention. Mind you, the workshop was about a very serious issue with life or death implications if you get into that particular situation.
Just to add something positive from Twitter
#AintNoCinderella
Good points! I agree it’s psychobabble. Not trying to give it any validity. But I do think society as a whole routinely gaslights women and that they are expected to bear a huge burden of emotional labor and then they get chastised for it or called this such as “neurotic”. I can honestly say that I’m the more anxious adult in my household because if I weren’t, literally nothing would ever get done. I would love to say gender roles can go to hell but I don’t want to eat hot pockets on paper plates every night and I want more options than beer in the refrigerator, so. It doesn’t even occur to men to worry about the things we worry about because they don’t ‘have’ to. Routine sexual assault and harassment is just one example of something that does not complicate their life in any way in most cases. But yes, Google guy was a dodo. And I do love and adore the individual men in my life but as a
group, I dislike them more and more since the election.
oh no….not the Raging Hormones! I saw a discussion with Google men wherein one stated that hormone replacement therapy alters personality! So, apparently now they’re experts on menopausal interventions too. They’re certainly not expert on what “personality” means, that’s for sure. Maybe because theirs are not so appealing.
And JustJJ I know what you mean. Women are given so much responsibility by default and then told they’re being ‘controlling.’
Yes! I’ve become entangled with some of the “discussion” by men who work at Google and find them obsessive, self-indulgent, and clearly seeking ways to not discredit the so-called manifesto. I have love for any man who speaks out against it.
I feel for the women at Google and in IT generally, because some men (like some women) can write code they think they’re geniuses – instead they’re just airing their ass-holery in public. They are willfully missing the point. For shame.
You can’t Blame all men…they aren’t all terrible
No, it’s true, but then the good ones need to be speaking up far more loudly than they ever have. Silence is complicity.
@Justjj – I too have had a much shorter fuse with men in general lately. Men who said Hillary was “just as bad”. Men who make tiny sexist digs in hopes none of the women around will be brave enough to call them out. A female coworker was actually told recently to “soften” her tone in emails because some of the salesmen felt “intimidated by a strong woman”.
Ohhh I’m so sorry the big scary vaginas are calling out you poor defenseless men on your illegal behavior.
So. Over. Them.
Seriously. So vile and then whiney children when called out on it. Women hold down so much. All. The. Time. Why can’t they? They seriously need to evolve. I don’t get it. And start taking responsibility for Trump and the systemic, ubiquitous and institutionalized misogyny in which they are complicit and benefit from. I don’t see ANY men trying to dismantle or discuss male privilege. I keep waiting for them to change my mind but nope, I hate them a little more each day, lol.
Oh Gawd, thank you for saying it Erica_v. I have come to a rude awakening that many men, even the supposedly educated and intelligent ones, secretly assume they are superior to women. I’m so sick of mediocre men who use their imagined superiority over women to feel better about their own shortcomings. Who talk to me like I’m stupid even though I could run intellectual laps around them for days. I’m sick of men who talk over me in meetings even though they’ve had the floor 2/3 of the time and I’ve barely spoken twice.
These are liberal men I’m thinking about, too. I’ve come to the conclusion that men will never stand up for women because assuming their superiority over women is a major part of how they maintain their self-esteem.
This has been emotional to read about. Her mother’s testimony nearly made me cry. No woman should need to go through this, and no mother should feel shame in raising their daughter to be so polite that she thanks the man who assaulted her.
I hope Taylor wins the case. Glad she’s standing up to this jerk. This is reminding me of the Brock Turner case – the victim’s letter is one of the most powerful things I’ve read.
What I find truly heartbreaking is just how many women – here on CB, and other online comment boards – have been coming forward to share their own personal stories about being harassed or assaulted. Have we all experienced it at some point in our lives?
The rates are very high when you take into account the full spectrum of violence against women. Yet it’s treated as idiosyncratic and rare every.damn.time.
Yes, I truly believe every single woman has experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault in their lives.
Please Parents- raise your sons better.
I had a really hard time after the “grab ’em by the p” tape came out. Seeing comments of all of the women and their experiences, I identified with so many of them. I ended up making a list of my experiences that I haven’t shared with anyone, just for my own reflection. Seeing how long the list was, it really hit me how much I had experienced. This has been a very introspective year for me.
I am 56 years old , work from home, and as such experience less sexual harassment now but from 12-45 or so; I was constantly harassed by men on the street (I live in NYC, but it has happened everywhere); approached in the workplace for” dates” by men I have absolutely no interest in ( I use that term in quotes because some of them were married); forced to listen to sexual jokes in a work situation with with a frozen grin on my face or pretending it doesn’t happen because I didn’t want to get fired (who can prove you are let go because of not liking the way the boys joke around?); forced to endure subtle forms and not so subtle forms of physical touching without suing or calling the police because it is “my word against his” and by the time it is over I find myself asking “did that really happen” and “if I say something he might attack me physically and of course he will deny it so I will look crazy..” I was mentally tortured many hours ut of the day since I was 12 by unwanted comments, or touching, or inappropriate sexual discussions, and rarely if ever spoke up about it, even though I am considered by everyone I know as strong woman who doesn’t take crap from anyone. Why? Because of the fear of physical retaliation; social retaliation; and the taboo against confrontation that made me terrified about speaking up to men.. My husband of 20 years was shocked when during the whole Trump sexual assault business I told him about what i experienced on the street every day of my life and what I went through in the workplace as a younger woman. I never really talked about it because it never occurred to me he could do anything about it (he couldn’t); and because I knew it would bother him hearing about it. Now I wish I had. Men will NEVER understand what it feels like to be a woman in these situations. Just the threat of physical retaliation and the subtle threat of being mocked or thought “neurotic” prevents us from speaking up. And most certainly these behaviors happen all the time and are never spoken about because we as women know it is next to impossible to prove. And men will keep doing these types of behaviors because even if a woman DOES speak up–they know they can deny it; hurt her physically; and make her seem crazy or “neurotic.” Taylor Swift knows her body and she knows what unwanted touching is and this guy most certainly thought he could get away with it because he knew she would not cause a fuss or say anything. He got caught. I am sure he has done this before.
He’s probably been doing this since high school. There are probably hundreds of women cheering Taylor on.
So much truth in your post. I hadn’t talked to my guy (who I’ve been with since I was 20) about my experiences either, but the Trump tapes lead to a discussion.
“Just the threat of physical retaliation and the subtle threat of being mocked or thought “neurotic” prevents us from speaking up.”
So true. So many times I have kicked myself for not saying something in the moment, but I have to excuse myself and acknowledge that smiling and uncomfortably laughing is a survival instinct in this area. There are men that will hit you if you call them on it (or even if you simply turn them down when they hit on you). There is a reason that women give out fake phone numbers. Because the fear and the danger is real.
Speak up‼️And don’t mince words!! Show some confidence!! I’ve been single a long time and when I go out, I go by myself. I haven’t been bothered in a long time. But I’ve been known to tell a jerk if he didn’t want to lose that hand to move it NOW!! A man does not get in my space uninvited. And when one get too close, I move away. If they try to get too close again, I’ll tell him to move back and maybe add that’s he’s too close for my comfort. I stay aware of who is in my vicinity. They won’t see any fake smiling….sure sign of fear! Should worse come to worse, I’ll pull out my trusty little stun gun. Now, just my personal opinion, wearing a skirt that just comes below the butt cheeks and probably more when sitting……wrong message. I don’t think the guy deliberately tried to play some grab ass…..don’t believe he’s stupid enough with her body guards (body guard?? huh??) right there. And why was his employer so all fired ready not to believe him?? I question why he waited so long to sue. Maybe more here than meets the eye?? Little lady got a lot of self-importance going on.
Hugs to all the ladies and gents who’ve been there.
You didn’t deserve it. None of us did.
So, so few who haven’t experienced it.
Can’t stand the girl but no one deserves to be sexually assaulted. I feel for her on this and I hope she wins.
I don’t know why this bothers me but Taylor didn’t sue, the dj did. A lot of people keep saying they are happy she’s pursuing a case, pressing charges but even Taylor said she wanted to keep this quiet. If the dj didn’t sue the grab wouldn’t have been known. I do believe her. Even in 2013 Taylor was extremely famous. She had nothing to gain. I think Taylor is a drama queen and a mean girl but she goes on the attack for frivolous things – getting dumped, Kanye, backup dancers. Assault is a different level.
I dream of the day when all sexual assault victims will feel as safe, secured, and protected in the belief that the justice system will have their back rather than putting them on trial.
I feel like I have to comment about what happened to me on a much smaller scale yesterday at the coffee shop. I had spilled my coffee and was wiping it up and this man pushed me over, proceeded to take me cup, move it over, pull the napkins out of my hand and tell me how I shouldn’t wipe up the mess. He was condescending, bullying, leering and rude all at once! I felt violated and belittled because he thought he knew better because he was a man. Then, I got at of the way because he was in a hurry and he proceeded to stay there for about five minutes and flirt with a couple of other women there– but he was in such a hurry!!!!