To be clear, I do not think Chris Evans knows I exist nor do I think he is reading my musings and wondering how to best fulfill my fantasies. However, pretending like he does makes me appreciate his tweets that much more. As we discussed, Captain Chris has been gone for some time filming. Some people think he’s been filming Avengers III but that’s been in post for some time. I think he’s been in South Africa filming The Red Sea Diving Resort, which means that weekend flights home weren’t an option. The reason I’m trying to establish his location is that the world has been waiting for Chris to return to his bundle of joy, Dodger. Dodger is the dog that Chris adopted while filming Gifted in Atlanta. Dodger’s been home in Boston, pining, writing long letters streaked in drool, waiting for Chris to return. And Chris was equally miserable without Dodger. He began posting forlorn messages to the little guy on social media, so, you know, Dodger could see how much Chris missed him.

Really missing this guy right now. pic.twitter.com/fWNviX6CrH

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) July 8, 2017

Soon Chris began a countdown to their reunion and we held our breath as a nation:

One month away… pic.twitter.com/SOoFROHE3R

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 1, 2017

17 more days pic.twitter.com/0ExRT392li

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 15, 2017

The dangers of playing with your food.

One more week.

Also yes, I was watching Kindergarten Cop. pic.twitter.com/pGa3nHGTYM

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 25, 2017

By this point, the world was on the edge of their seats. Dodger was granting interviews that dissolved into mournful baying at the mere mention of Chris’ name. When asked how long Chris had been gone, Dodger replied, “FOREVER!” and then tried to eat the microphone.

In my last Dodger and his dad post, I suggested that Chris post the reunion video. Not so much a suggestion as a threat to the very fiber of my mental stability, but why split hairs? So Captain Chris, being the stand-up guy he is, did just that*. This is everything I wanted:

After 10 long weeks… pic.twitter.com/pZUvyLjHN5

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) September 3, 2017

People, let’s make this ^^ the new benchmark for our relationships. Romantic or platonic, hold out for someone that loves you like Dodger loves Chris (and vice versa). My guess would be that that scene of Chris pinned to the floor with Dodger atop him, administering licks went on until they both fell asleep from exhaustion. To prove my Dodger focus, I’ve watched the video multiple times and wrote all that without once imagining me pinning Captain Chris to the floor. However, now that I’ve thought about it…

I rarely say this but if you have the time, click on that last tweet and read the comments, they’re fantastic. Honestly, the world can get back to work now because Chris and Dodger are together again; our long nightmare is over. I’m not saying Chris should quit acting so as never to leave Dodger again, but I’m not not saying it either. Since Chris is accepting my suggestions*, please bring Dodger to the Avenger’s: Infinity Wars premiere. He can be Hemsworth’s dog’s date.

*please refer to my first two sentences

“Nah, I can’t tonight, man. I’ve got plans with Dodger.”

Photo credit: WENN Photos and Twitter