It’s been over a year since Alanis Morrisette welcomed her daughter Onyx into this world. I can’t believe it’s been that long, it feels like we just heard she gave birth. However, I am more shocked that her son Ever is over six years old. I always laugh when celebrity kids make me think, “where has the time gone?” but my own kids don’t. What is not making me laugh is Alanis’ battle with postpartum depression following both her pregnancies. She’s discussed her PPD before and wants to continue discussing it for other sufferers. What is particularly heartbreaking is that Alanis is still experiencing it.
On her experience with PPD: “There are days I’m debilitated to the point where I can barely move. As a kid, I imagined having children and being with an amazing partner. This is a whole other wrench I didn’t anticipate.”
On experiencing PPD “seconds later” after she gave birth to Onyx last June: “It’s very isolating. I’m used to being the Rock of Gibraltar, providing, protecting and maneuvering. It had me question everything. I’ve known myself to be a really incredible decision-maker and a leader that people can rely on. [Now] I can barely decide what to eat for dinner.”
On her PPD being “four times worse” this time and currently on a combination of medication and homeopathic therapies, exercising daily, working with therapists and channeling her struggles into music: “I wrote many, many songs over the last three months. It was a song a day. I had to start writing songs, or I was going to implode.”
On protecting her children from her PPD: “Because I don’t want it to be their burden.”
On her 7-year marriage to Mario “Souleye” Treadway: “My main priority is that I want to make sure both of my children are loved and bonded with and provided for. Poor Souleye sometimes gets the dregs of my exhaustion at the end of the night. Even holding hands at this point is a deeply intimate experience. I set him up to win as often as I can. He’s doing the best he can. I just basically say to him, ‘There’s an end to this, and I’m in the middle of it. I’m so sorry for not being able to be who you typically know me to be.’”
[From People via Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Usually, when I report on these stories, the subject is discussing something that they’ve already overcome. Knowing that Alanis is still going through this and that it is “four times worse”, breaks my heart. I said recently, when it comes to PPD, that knowing what to expect the second time around might help. But now, reading Alanis’ comments, I don’t know. I think the only real comfort is knowing that almost everyone with PPD will fully recover at some point. I really identified with her comments about her husband/marriage. When I had my non-PPD Baby Blues, my husband caught the brunt of whatever emotion I was feeling at that moment. Now that perimenopause has given me about 17 personalities, he’s taking the brunt of those. I won’t get too sappy on you guys so let me just say, I now know the face of true grace.
Alanis talked further about sharing a look with fellow sufferers from PPD and how it makes her heart instantly leap out to them. As Chrissy Teigen said about her PPD, one thing she got out of talking about it was that people started asking her how she was doing. I think sometimes when given a newborn situation we fawn over the baby and forget to ask the mother how she’s doing. And please be open minded in her response, babies are precious but they are also a huge shift for anyone. Alanis also said, “There are people who are like, ‘Where’s the old Alanis?’ and I just think, ‘Well, she’s in here. She’s having a minute.’” Whereas I like her answer, I hate that question about where is the old/quiet/happy/fun person. That’s the last thing anyone going through any kind of struggle needs.
At the bottom of the article, they list several resources with links that Alanis recommends for dealing with postpartum. Check those out here. Reading this article was hard – I bet listening to those songs she’s written during this time will be gutting. Much love and strength to Alanis and any woman who is or who has struggled with PPD. We’re here for you.
Photo credit: WENN Photos And Instagram
Yesterday I had stumbled on the website innerbonding. And Alanis actually sponsors it and said how much it has helped her so much. I could tell the video was older and she only had her son at the time. But it gave me more hope it really worked for depression etc.
Having suffered from depression since childhood(28 years old) it saddens me to know maybe there really isn’t hope. Not to be negative but maybe it is what it is. Maybe we have to look at depression in a different way and find the beauty hidden tressure.
Depresssion makes me feel different and misunderstood. Sometimes I want to give up when it’s at it’s worst.. not for me but for those who love me. Can’t tell u how horrible u feel constantly being a burden which is why u isolate yourself until you’re “fine”.
I don’t want someone to feel sorry for me lol. There’s others who have it far worse and I think about a lot(doesn’t help). Ppl wonder why u don’t change or why u don’t just get medicine or suck it up. I don’t have the answer for u! I know exercise and diet help but the depression sucks all your energy away! U have to tackle the negative mindset and really push yourself when you’re on empty. Like someone said before it feels like being in a burning building and the only way out is jumping out the window!
We need each other. It’s easier to help others then tohelp yourself. Anyone suffering u aren’t alone and do not hide anymore. We can get a lil obsessed with our depression but we can slowly let go of its power over us and use it how we want. The goal isn’t to be cured but instead to thrive!!!!
ps all women should be taking vitamin d and magnesium!
@tolivelikewerdying
I am sorry to hear about your struggles. Depression runs in my family and seems immune to any kind of therapy or medication. It is the worst. No, people’s reaction to it is worse even. The expectations, oh my. Why don’t you this, why don’t you that.
For you: please be aware that there are so many out there like you. Maybe it helps to know that you are not alone.
For the rest of us: listen to what tolivelikewerdying said: check your vitamin d, magnesium and iron levels. Those are really important. Speaking from experience.
Thank you so much. The littlest things make the biggest difference! Maybe it’s ppl like you who heal the things that seem impossible.
You hit the nail with genetics… which makes me think love is the answer. Love with yourself and others. Your compassion gave me strength and a giant smile that I will call upon in hard times. Yes to iron as well!
I’m glad she’s able to get the help she needs and recognizes that she needs it. It took me until my twins, who are #3 and #4, were one year old to finally talk with my doctor about trying medication. I suffered the years leading up to that thinking that there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t always happy or connecting with my babies.
I so appreciate Alanis’ willingness to share about this issue. I never understood what depression even was until after giving birth to my second. It’s two years later and I’m still trying to find my footing. Medications have helped, but side effects are real and can be debilitating in their own way. There’s such a stigma about being depressed, or anxious, or insecure. It feels like the world expects this bright, happy, shiny picture of motherhood, and it’s incredibly demoralizing to feel like I’m constantly falling short. Kudos to Alanis for being vulnerable about how hard it can be.
EG it’s ok that it’s been two years. And it’s ok if you don’t get back to the old you. I would ask you to search within yourself to see if anything needs attention or letting go. Maybe you need change as well. Sometimes when we change our friends and family don’t like it and that causes us to hide how we feel more. You’re so right it does feel like society wants us all to be fake. I’ll tell you what.. I think you sound like a woman who thinks a lot and can talk about so many interesting things! I bet you feel deeply and care very much!!! I know your kid(s) are lucky to have a brave mom who can face herself and be herself in every shape or form. Not everyone deserves to hear your story but I promise plenty want to! I don’t have kids I have a puppy and a dog and there’s days my depression makes me feel like I’m terrible… just know children and pets are so understanding and see the best in you! And your good days and ok days more thank make up for it. Stay strong and I hope you feel my love.
Yes I’m glad she is talking about it but she has a lot more resources to deal with ppd than the regular person, plus she has a super supportive husband it looks like. I’m going through it alone with no partner and little support from family and a marginal income to live in.
It’s an important message that regardless of finances or relationship status PPD doesn’t care, it can hit anyone.
I’m really sorry, Nacho. I’m a single mother too and continue to struggle with depression. It’s horrible, as if being the only parent wasn’t hard enough but you wake up every day fighting your own brain chemistry just to do the bare minimum for your kids. I really hope you have access to some resources, or at the very least know that there are those of us out there who know how hard it is to do it alone. You can do it, mama. You’re stronger than you think x
Like…stop having kids. I don’t understand why she would put herself through this.
My thoughts too. Why put herself, her partner, and her children through the hell of PPD a second time?
Also, she lost me at ‘homeopathic’. I really can’t take anyone serious who buys into that nonsense.
That’s a really horrible comment.
So should all women who have had PPD just never have any more children? Or just graciously keep silent on the matter? What about women who just have previous experience of plain old regular depression? Should we just sterilise them completely?