I remember Steve Martin once discussed how people feel they have access to a celebrity because they have followed their career. He referred to it as “an assumed familiarity.” Most of us have a celebrity (or celebrities) we read every word on and feel like we know them as well as family. The line between being an ardent fan and an assumed familiarity might be thin, but it’s an important one. Busy Philipps said she just encountered a woman who didn’t stay on the right side of the line and felt at liberty to discuss Busy’s weight – while in a drugstore.
Busy Philipps has a tip for fans who want to approach female celebrities and comment on their weight: don’t.
The 38-year-old actress told her Instagram Story followers about an awkward encounter she had at a Rite Aid Friday night with a female fan who recognized Philipps from her time on the ABC/TBS series Cougar Town and made an uncomfortable comment about Philipps’ body.
“She was so sweet and had such a calming manner and in a loveliest way, she said, ‘You’ve lost some of your plumpness from Cougar Town. You look nice still, but you’ve lost some of your plumpness.’”
While Philipps said she thought the fan had the best intentions, she couldn’t help but be bothered by the woman’s words.
“It was a compliment. She was very sweet when she said it. It just was an interesting choice of [words],” Philipps said. “I don’t think I was plump.
“There’s no way to really handle it in the moment without coming off like an a——,” she added. “So you just have to say, ‘Oh, I’m glad you liked the show’ and moved on.”
Weight is such a can of worms isn’t it? It can unpack a decade of insecurities with one ill-phrased sentence. Busy said after the woman made the comment, she tried to pinpoint the time frame on Cougar Town the woman was referring to (The show ran from 2009-2015), eventually assuming it must be when she returned to the show five weeks after giving birth to her daughter Cricket. I do the same thing when someone compliments me on a change. Instead of accepting what the person sees now, I worry about what I looked like then. Busy said she’s had plenty of practice, her entire career people have felt compelled to comment on her weight. And she’s not talking about casting directors and producers, she’s talking about the people she bumps into at the grocery store or Bed Bath and Beyond.
Busy makes the point that there is a right way to compliment someone on their weight and I agree with that. However, I’m not sure I’d qualify a comment that includes, “You still look good” as a compliment. And I feel bad for Busy because she’s been actively trying to eat healthier and, by extension, lose weight. She just completed the latest trend diet Whole30. She also did a sponsored Home2Suites post in which she emphasizes that the chain’s suites have kitchens so she can bring her own food and keep to her diet. Personally, I think we’d all be better off sticking to Busy’s philosophy that “it’s a good thing to err on the side of ‘Let’s not talk to people about their bodies unless they bring it up first and they want to talk about their bodies.’”
Photo credit: WENN Photos, Backgrid
Busy Phillips has a fan? 😂
lmao 😂
She’s great in Cougartown, why wouldn’t she have fans?
Yep- Freaks & Geeks. She’ll always have a soft spot for me. And why wouldn’t she? Of all the celebs, she seems like a person with a good heart & intentions.
I’m a fan too. I love her.
What an unnecessarily nasty comment.
That should have been the heading.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
So much of diet/thinness culture is about keeping women weak and women taking up the minimum of space.
This has been such a realization for me this year!
Yep, the less space we occupy the more value we have to the world.
Bingo!
thank you!
No it’s not about literally taking up less space , you fake deep.😂😂😂😂 It’s about controlling women’s bodies which is actually worse. In Mauritania, women must be big to be attractive. The bigger you are, the more desirable you are deemed to be. And you can’t say Mauritania wants women to take up more space.
Holy mother what is she wearing?? Pleather flared overalls? Have you gone out of your way to find the worst photos or does she always dress that badly?
She always dresses that badly
Lol, came to comment similarly… we should address the bad, bad outfits she chooses.
Fashion is not her talent. It is usually a horror show.
Agreed. I follow her on IG and I think she’s great-but she has terrible fashion sense.
I relate to this so much. I gained weight when I was on meds and was so poor I lived without a fridge for a year. Once I started losing it I had people compliment me on my weight loss. It annoyed me because weight gain= comments, weight loss= comments, maintaining weight= comments.
I try to focus on more generalised compliments like just telling someone they look beautiful.
Hopefully as a society we can move beyond defining a woman’s worth by her perceived attractiveness and find more interesting attributes to comment on.
If I comment someone’s appearance (and I am very careful with that as I think it’s usually not very interesting and some people don’t enjoy it even if it’s positive) I compliment people on what they put out there: if someone is stylish, then that’s what I’ll compliment (if I relate to it), if the person has a wicked hairdo, that’s what I’ll talk about. I talk about what the person is clearly doing to have fun / look good / be in a good mood. Not the physique the person was given, or the weight the person has put on or lost since it could be related to stress or to illness or it could be something the person had no control of (a strange feature for instance). Also, because weight (whatever the kind of weight) is the focus of such social pressure that it seems pointless to add more to it.
That’s so interesting, because I’ve been paying attention lately to how I compliment other people, and I think I do what you do. I comment on an item of clothing or an outfit in a general kind of way (like ‘I just love those bright colors’) without being too specific. I know some people say to never compliment someone based on appearance, but it is really hard for me NOT to do it!!
I have a brother in law who got weight loss surgery a few months ago and apart from remarking once that he was looking great I haven’t commented on his weight loss, because I figure every person he meets is probably commenting on it and it probably gets old fast.
I don’t think you should refrain from complimenting someone as long as it is a compliment. I do always compliment someone I know is dieting and tell them how great they look because they are working their butts off. But I always ask how they are feeling. That is the only time I say anything about weight.
Usually, I compliment makeup, hair, skin, smile, jewelry, clothes or personality if I notice it. Today a woman who works at Starbucks has the prettiest hair color, and I had observed it before, so I told her. We ended up chatting a little about hair.
I found it unsettling how people lavished praise on me when I lost a lot of weight during an unhappy time, and whenever they asked my secret I told them honestly, “Extreme stress.” Even so, they felt free to criticize my old body as if I wasn’t the same person… and of course, they also let me know when they felt I had lost too much weight… there’s no winning. Saying “You look great” or complimenting someone’s style is one thing, but comparing a person’s past and present body can be so hurtful, especially when weight fluctuations may not be in a person’s control.
I don’t like that either. I was very ill last year and looked terrible as I recovered and put some weight back on, but the comments were crazy. Not as much about my health but that I had looked like a junkie, and they thought I was starving myself and how great I look now because I put the weight back on. My illness was serious, but my weight was more important to discuss.
I hear you, I had a very bad reaction to anesthesia after an 8-hour surgery (result of a bad car accident). This rare reaction meant that I lost all appetite for about 8 months. I was so skinny at the end that my ribs stuck out (and I was drinking ensure daily). People who didn’t know what was going on, would admiringly ask me how I got so skinny (ignoring the fact that I looked horrible) I just finally ended up telling them the truth… that I had a crushed vertebrae removed and a cage replacement, and that I didn’t recommend it as a diet. I have always been a steady size 6, so people thought that it was great that I was a size 0… said people suck.
I’m of the belief that women’s fixation on weight and evaluating ones worth based on it is a tired trope that we should all just knock off.
Additionally, the pics added to this post is an unspoken encouragement to spark a conversation that doesn’t need to happen.
We’re so much more than our scale reads!
Although the fan was tactless, her comment was not anything out of the ordinary that the average woman hears on a regular basis. Nearly none of us are immune to comments about our weight. I am curvy and actually fine with my body type. I love that I have a bosom and an ass, but I also realize that I have to work more than naturally thin people to keep my endomorph body type in shape. My weight fluctuates whenever I take a break from gym and dieting – I have come to terms with my body more than my mother and my co-workers it seems. What I learn from my experience is that most women have a very unhealthy view of their own bodies, and in return, project those insecurities onto other women. My co-workers at several of my jobs constantly talk about weight loss, fasting for days, and skipping meals to achieve thinness. I have had co-workers ask me about how I’ve lost weight, or tell me I would look beautiful if I lost some weight. Even men have growing insecurities and discuss their weight at work, or even comment about women in their lives who have gained a few, which is so insane and inappropriate to me. I notice that older women are much more tactless about the subject of weight. I think it’s partly because people really are bigger than they were a few generations ago, because older people tend to be less PC, and many have embraced sexist views that they were forced to grow up with about a woman’s place in society, and what women should do to look good in order to find a husband, etc. What I’m basically saying is that this fan may have crossed the line, but people cross the line everyday with non-celebrities as well. Weight is a constant issue among women regardless of their fame.
I have never had a stranger or a casual acquaintance comment on my weight.Nor have I ever walked up to a stranger or acquaintance and made a comment about their weight.Years ago when I was a teen I overheard a woman asking another lady about her weight change.Turns out the woman had lost a lot of weight because she had cancer.Since then I don’t bring up weight to anybody who isn’t a friend or family member.
You have never had someone comment on your weight?! Seriously?! I get it all the time…..all.the.time. I am thin so maybe that’s why people feel like it’s okay to comment but I didn’t think there were women in America who didn’t get the comments on the regular. I feel like I just saw a unicorn.
Good on you for not commenting on others.
You are lucky. I agree that people think since I am thin I welcome discussions but I don’t. I was teased for being very skinny, and I tried to overeat to gain when I was a child but just realized it is what it is. I expected it because of my career, but I don’t like being asked what I eat or how I maintain my size. If I had the answers to make women happy with their bodies, I would tell the world, but I don’t.
No one type of body or baseline is the same. There are so many beautiful shapes and sizes and as long as the person is happy, a decent human being, healthy and content with their body then they are beautiful. We need to stop this toxic nonsense. For real.
I agree – to an extent. Women who are casual acquaintances may do this – and it’s still completely inappropriate – but I have never had a stranger comment on my weight. Which is what this woman was and that’s what made it so out of bounds. She thinks because she watched Busy on TV that somehow that gives her a right to say something like that. There is this weird thing some people have with celebs where they don’t see them as actual human beings. I highly doubt this woman would have gone up to a non-famous person and said something like that. And if the shoe was on the other foot I doubt she would have been okay with that. She would have been offended.
Your daily environment sounds similar to mine. Both men and women continually obsessing over weight and what they eat, including using supplements / injections (long term) to keep the weight off in their middle age. And every now and then you can sense the projection on others (as well as deprivation due to how rigid they feel they must be).
It’s crossed into a place where I feel sad that they are spending so much time and energy on staying in their skinny pants.
I like Busy a lot, but one of the things way down the list that I like about her is that she has an awesome 1980s-style body. But I would never say that to her IRL!
She really has lost a lot of weight though tbf, these photos don’t reflect that. I admire that she doesn’t promote the diets/extreme workouts that she does (although she does showcase her workouts on her Instagram a lot). I admit I liked that she was not stick thin on Cougar Town, it was refreshing, and to me her face looks a bit gaunt now. I guess I thought she was a rare Hollywood actress who didn’t feel pressure to be be skinny, I still like her but it’s slightly disingenous of her to not recognize that maybe her average sized body before was relatable/gave hope for some people that ultra thin isn’t the only way – the fact this woman called her plump shows just how warped societal ideals are.
She really has gotten thin, but I think she posted on Insta that the reason she works out so hard is to control her depression. I wish I had the stamina to do that; I just fret instead.
Since many ‘celebs’ talk about diet, exercise, and their daily lives so often to their twitter/facebook/instagram followers, it seems inevitable that fans might feel they know them personally and would feel free to chat, rather than gush.
Agree. I still wouldn’t mention to a famous person person if I met one, but if folks are posting their business for all the world to see, are those topics really off-limits? I don’t think so, anyway.
I really like Busy. I genuinely enjoy her posts on instagram, and I loved her in Freaks and Geeks. She just comes off as someone who’s pretty content with who she is – and does her own thing. She’s self conscious about certain things – but who isn’t – but for the most part she just seems so cool. Her posts with her kids are always cute too – and not super sickly sweet or over the top. They’re a lot more realistic/ low key than the kind of celeb that raves about their perfect family.
I even like her weird style choices, honestly. I like that she wears what she wants to wear – and that it’s something ‘different’. She doesn’t just jump on a trendy bandwagon and go with whatever everyone else is doing. Even when her choices aren’t really a hit outfit wise – I still kind of like it.
I really like her, too. And I loved Freaks and Geeks. One of the best shows I’ve ever watched.
Kim Kelly was so much like my best friend from high school. Love Freaks and Geeks. She’s also a frequent guest on the Spontaneanation podcast from Paul F. Thompkins.
I’m too scared to say anything when someone is losing weight, I’m afraid I’ll offend them somehow. Same thing with moms out with their kids, I’ll think an outfit or hairstyle is cute and want to say something, but so many “open letter to the b*tch at the grocery store who said my daughter was pretty” type articles. Like how dare I comment on looks or clothes when I should be focused on how smart they are or what books they read today.
But, I get what Busy is saying, that was a weird comment, lol.
Well..it is inappropriate to comment on the appearance of people you don’t know, right? Look at it this way, would you tell another woman her son was cute if hewere the same age as any girls you think you should be able to vocally admire?
Babies is one thing; children older than that quite another. Children are listening. We can find them lovely in silence.
Yes, parents are unsettled by strangers commenting aloud on their girls’ looks, even if it’s another woman it is out of place. Life is not a beauty pageant.
I love interacting with children of all ages, girls and boys, but I don’t anymore. I think a lot of people are afraid to even try at this point! I just used the looks reference as one example, but there are many others. I used to interact with the other kids at the park, if they needed help getting up the slide or swinging and the parent was busy or not around, but I read an open letter about not helping children on the playground because they need to learn independence, people will complain about anything.
I don’t mind when people tell my daughter she’s beautiful or they like her outfit, occasional random comments from strangers won’t drastically change the way I’m raising her. People usually mean well and that’s what I focus on instead of writing stupid open letters.
Lots of strangers tell me my boys are beautiful.
I feel good if people tell me my kids are cute. Plus cute can be how they are acting not just appearance. Maybe use cute instead of pretty?
That doesn’t bother me either because I think they are cutie pies.
Because I’ve had people comment on my appearance negatively and I’ve also had people give me awesome compliments I take my lessons from those who made me feel great. The ones who gave great compliments did so with tact and if they felt they needed to briefly explain word choice they did. You can always feel the subtext of the interaction though and if it’s intrusive and somewhat insulting you pick that up too. Some people just say too damn much. If the person your talking to doesn’t come away feeling good, it’s not their fault it’s yours. A ‘hey you look great & I love work ‘ is nice and polite and polite never goes out of style.
I think it’s acceptable to say to someone you know “you look good”. It’s a catch all that could mean you look stylish, I like you hair, you have a glow, you look cheery, or you’ve lost weight or gained weight. If someone wants to respond to that by talking about their weight loss, or, heaven forbid, a health issue, that’s fine. But I have had more or less complete strangers comment on my weight loss – in the long ago days when I was losing rather than gaining – and found it intrusive.
I don’t think she looks different from her Cougar Town days. She was acting next to Courteney Cox. It’s possible the woman just assumed she was full-figured. I’ve always heard that celebrities are much thinner in real life.
I’ve lost about 40 pounds over the last 6 months. My very closest friends and family don’t say anything about it (“You’re always beautiful” my husband and oldest daughter have said). But I have had acquaintances make a big deal out of it. One woman said, “You don’t even look like yourself. You look amazing.” Uh, thanks? I know a lot of women where I live (SoCal) are obsessed with their appearance and weight and workouts-so that is something they notice and care about.
UGH! Been there. I don’t know how someone can think that’s a compliment. Your hubby and kids are right: you ARE always beautiful, it’s other people who were too messed up to see it.
People sometimes think of celebrities as objects not as fellow human beings with feelings.
So.. she has been making money advocating for a diet and has been documenting her journey with it… yet is offended when people take notice?
Oh come on. This post says it all – she has been going on about this stuff on Instagram for ages now. It’s not a private account. She wants fans to see it but then shut up when they might actually see her? I don’t think anyone should comment about anyone’s weight ever – but she can’t exactly be surprised that someone out there engaged her personally in this topic.
It’s always uncomfortable. I lost about 30 pounds when I quit drinking and dreaded people asking me about it because it meant I either had to lie or open up about things that I wasn’t ready to/weren’t their business/were connected to so much more than vanity. My body is nobody else’s business. Ever since my experience I don’t comment on someone’s weight unless they bring it up.
First, I don’t think it’s ever really a good idea to comment on someone’s weight. You never know what’s going on, or what was going on while they were “plump”, or how they feel about how they look or if they want to talk about it. But people are going to do it. TLike many of you I follow Busy on instagram. She posts about working out every day. Even if it’s to say “I skipped my workout”. Other days she does multiple workouts a day. She makes ridiculous comments about how she’s bloated or puffy. She had a whole series on the “The Whole 30”. If that’s what you put out there, and you are very active on social media and admit that you’re basically making a living off of it…you’re going to get what you put out there. When I was really working hard at losing weight, I didn’t put ANYTHING about it on social media, because I didn’t want anyone to comment on it, period, good or bad.
Get over it Busy! I have had complete strangers say or ask too personal things to me too and I am not a celeb. Get over it!!
That’s an excellent point! You don’t have to be a celebrity to have strangers critique your body, that’s the bigger issue here.
We women are sometimes our own, and each other’s, worst enemies. I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding a decade after I moved out of my small town; after the ceremony, a former neighbor lady told me that she hadn’t recognized me because I used to be ‘so homely.’
Very offensive! She handled it well. I would have snarked at that “fan,” and I don’t envy these celebs being in the public eye, no matter how much they get paid.
I’m trying to see what’s ”wrong” with her current weight??🤔