Thanks to CoverAwards for the Star cover.

The folks over at Star are about to wet their pants. Since People got a source to confirm that Britney Spears is dating her agent Jason Trawick, Star has managed to hold out a whopping seven days before claiming she’s getting married. That’s like a little kid waiting over half an hour to use the bathroom, doing the potty dance the whole time. You know their staff was just bouncing back and forth from one leg to the other (with the alternating hopping up and down) while whining “Nowwwwwwwwww??? Can I go nooooooowwwwwww?” The waiting must have nearly killed them.

So yes, Britney and Jason are getting married. Well, by “yes,” I mean “yes, if you’re willing to believe Star.” With them it’s just an inevitability – as soon as a celeb starts dating someone, they’re either about to get married or about to have a baby until the celeb either gives in and does it (I’m convinced that’s the only reason celebs actually do anything – to get In Touch and Us Weekly off their backs) or they break up. Frankly I’m sort of shocked Britney and Jason are only getting married and not adopting three babies and buying a new mansion while hammering out their pre-nup. And making unicorns fall from the sky – which is stupid, that’d only happen in Life & Style.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!

In the June 29 issue of Star, we exclusively report that after two failed marriages — one that last only 55 hours! — Britney Spears is preparing to walk down the aisle again, this time with her agent turned lover, Jason Trawick.

After more than three years of casual hookups, Brit and Jason took their relationship to the next level while they were on vacation in the Bahamas last month. That’s when Brit and Jason shared a special night together during which Jason popped the question!

“He didn’t exactly get down on one knee, but Brit didn’t care. She said yes, and they opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate,” says an insider. “Jason held Britney for a long time and kissed her cheeks. They talked about their future for hours and didn’t go to sleep until after 3 a.m.! They just wanted to be alone together.”

Britney is already thinking about a December wedding — after her Circus world tour wraps this fall — and wants her big day to far outclass her previous ceremonies. For her first nuptials, to childhood friend Jason Alexander, her outfit consisted of a baseball cap and cutoffs! And she feels her wedding to Kevin Federline was a”trashy” affair.

“When she marries Jason, she wants it to be like a fairy tale,” says a friend.

[From Star]

Maybe it’s just my incredibly cranky mood, but I felt like I was going to have to head to the bathroom reading about how he held her for a long time and kissed her cheeks. Bar-f. Okay I think the whole juvenile potty-dance theme of this article has really gone overboard. But Star’s write up is so obviously fake – can’t they at least come up with non-nausea-inducing quotes? Don’t ask me to believe Britney celebrated anything – ever – with anything short of body shots. Just don’t, I’m not having it.

Britney is not engaged and she’s not getting married. I actually think Jason Trawick sounds like a decent guy – quite possibly the only time I’ve ever said that about someone Britney’s dating. But despite Star’s ridiculous article, I think it’s safe to say that if he does propose to Britney, it’ll be a long way down the line, and he’ll do it properly. Then he can kiss her cheeks until 3 a.m. or whatever.

Here’s Britney taking sons Sean Preston and Jayden James for a day out at the London Zoo yesterday. I think that might be Jason Trawick holding one of the boys in the second picture, but he’s not credited in any of the photos so it’s hard to tell for sure. Images thanks to WENN.com .