When Jessica Chastain was first becoming famous, I remember reading some details, here and there, about her childhood and how she really did grow up on the wrong side of the tracks. Jessica plays that stuff close to the vest, though, because I think she genuinely doesn’t want people to know too much about her private life. She doesn’t even want us to know her real age, for the love of God! Anyway, Jessica covers the latest issue of WSJ. Magazine and I was actually a little bit startled to read her comments about marriage, her childhood, and how she doesn’t know who her father is?
Meeting Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo, her husband: “I never wanted to get married…When I first met my husband, he knew that marriage wasn’t something I was interested in. And then as we got to know each other, the idea of marriage shifted for me. There are some things worth celebrating — and he’s worth celebrating. I actually love being married. I never thought I would, but this is a spectacular human being, and I am celebrating that I get to share my life with him.”
Harvey Weinstein once tried to force her to wear Marchesa. Weinstein wanted her to wear Marchesa to the 2013 premiere of The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby, but she refused and wore Versace. Later, at the the premiere, she claims Weinstein mocked her choice. “He actually told the audience, ‘If I had to get in a boxing ring with Muhammad Ali or Jessica Chastain, I would choose Muhammad Ali.”
Her childhood: “My mom was a single mom; I don’t know who my biological father is, and I grew up in a household that was really financially unstable,” the Oscar nominee shares.
Her mom’s boyfriend slapped her once: “There was a turning point in my life where we were living with someone I didn’t like very much, a boyfriend of my mom’s. And he did something — my room was messy or whatever and he had taken my clothes, and I was telling him to give me back my stuff — and he slapped me. And I just kicked him in the genitals, and he fell to the ground immediately. It was me, my sister and my brother — and I remember looking at my sister’s face, and we were both like, ‘Oh, my God, what did I just do?’ And then I ran out of the house. But I always look back on that moment as knowing that, okay, if anything happens to me, I’m capable of fighting back. He never messed with me again. If you allow a bully to intimidate or victimize you, they’ll continue to do it. Bullies are actually weak; they don’t go after strong people.”
“Bullies are actually weak; they don’t go after strong people.” I don’t know if I agree with that? I mean, I agree that bullies are weak. But many bullies go after strong people all the time. That just came across as… an odd, somewhat victim-blaming statement, I guess. Like, the message is that you’re only being bullied because you’re not strong enough, which is bullsh-t.
As for her childhood… I didn’t know that she has no idea who her biological father is! Her mom sounds kind of messy. It’s no wonder then that Jessica was always sort of meh on marriage. So am I! And like Jess, if I met a hot, rich, Italian nobleman, I would probably change my tune in a hurry.
Photos courtesy of WENN, cover courtesy of WSJ. Magazine.
Eh, I think when she says “bullies don’t go after strong people,” what she means is “bullies don’t go after people who will f!ck them up.”
I grew up in an abusive household. I have an older brother who is quiet, intelligent, and physically and mentally strong … but he’s not good with confrontation. His strength is in peace. He got the worst of it. Meanwhile, I was fairly small as a girl but a little shrieking, swinging maniac when the need arose. Said abuser avoided confrontation with me as much as possible. Verbal, sure, but they backed off the physical side of things when they realized it was going to hurt.
Predators are cowards and deeply pain-avoidant. I think that was more her point.
Laika, I think you’re right about cowardice and pain avoidance. I’m so sorry you and your brother went through that, and hope you’re both okay.
I agree. they go after people who wont make scenes. i used to be like your brother until my dad taught me to use my brain to essentially “mess” with my bullies. lots of verbal word vomit, general annoyance and shouting did the trick. he also put me in self-defense classes after that.
bullies like to avoid being called out. they like those who wont push back. doesnt make you weak just not into fighting/
Also fun fact…i am friends with one of my former bullies. long story but she was lashing out about something else and eventually we became friends later.
I agree, you summed it up really well. And I also agree with Kaiser. I don’t want to get married, but if a dude like Jessica’s was interested I sure as hell wouldn’t say no.
He looks very tasty.
Yeah I read her comment the same way and it follows my experience with an abusive father, bullies in school, teachers who were bullies. They always go after someone they know is younger, less experienced, smaller…. Bullies are really cowards on the inside. As soon as I learned to stand up for myself I never had any issues with being bullied. I mean, people still try, but they always back down when they get push back.
I came upon a similar-but not quite the same-conclusion in 7th grade. I was bullied terribly throughout my childhood, and thru middle school particularly by a small group of boys. I was a minority in my school, a different religion, a nerd, & poor. (I also had an abusive father, but noone at school knew that). And the ringleader of the group in particular was merciless for at least 2 years. One week in English class we had to take turns reading out loud, and it turns out this bully was barely literate. At first I felt so superior…but eventually I felt such pity. He was tall, physically imposing, popular. But at 14yrs old he could barely read a book I’d mastered in 1st grade. I had been so resentful of his position, but I think he was just as resentful of what I had that he didn’t. But, unlike Chastain, while I think many bullies are that way because they are weak, I don’t think I was a target because I wasn’t strong. His needing to pick on others was his own need to feel superior and I can see now that it wasn’t because I had ‘victim’ written across my forehead.
I think it depends on the bully’s ‘deal’. Narcissists go after people who got their $hit together, for the most part, but the narc victim can’t even fathom what the narc will do to them because they are used to having functional relationships/interactions with people.
In other words, traits that are positive can be used against you if you cross paths with a wrong one.
@pwal, thank you for this. This really struck a nerve (in a good way)
This. Just got out of an horrific experience with a trio of narcissists. Never ever again. I’ve got padlocks around me now and legal reinforcement. Nobody gets close to me anymore without character references from trusted sources. These people are cruel and psychotic.
What I learned at school observing bullies is that they are often the most miserable inside. My little sister’s friend (10 years old) is bullied by twins right now and it’s really hard because teachers, parents know about it but those twins are monsters. All I can think of is, what are leading bullies to behave like this ? Are their lives so sad they have to make someone’s else live hell ?
Generally, yes. Focus on supporting the victims. Leave the bullies to professional handlers.
She was relating it to her own story.
He slapped her because she was a child and she was definitely weaker than him.
The moment she fought back he never messed with her again because he now knew that if he did she would kick him in the balls.
It’s not a generalization or victim blaming.
“If you allow a bully to intimidate or victimize you, they’ll continue to do it. Bullies are actually weak; they don’t go after strong people.”
Pretty much sounds like victim blaming to me. Maybe Jessica can go to the nearest middle school and relate her words of wisdom to the students who live with bullying as a way of life. Honey, you’re only being tormented because you allow it. What a load.
@LV487 It’s fairly obvious she’s not victim blaming but sharing her own experiences and survival mechanisms, albeit in a poorly worded manner. You’re either reaching or looking for a reason to be angry.
If you look at anti-bullying campaigns that actually WORK, it’s teaching the potential targeted kids not to be effected by the bullying. Don’t react, don’t respond, treat the bully as a joke. Strength in numbers, as well – my kids were taught to be “upstanders, not bystanders” because bullies usually back down when others jump in. There is a fair bit of research on the topic.
I understand what she means. Unless one is a predator so uncannily arrogant a la Weinstein, bullies sense the softness of heart, the non-confrontational aspect of people or people who do not have a big group of friends to defend them. It’s not victim blaming, it’s just the description of the opportunism of predators of all kinds. Makes sense to me.
Then of course there are exceptions and bullies who are so arrogant they actually don’t care. In my case, I was never as bothered in the streets as some of my friends and I believe that it’s the way one walks (not how one is dressed at all, so the “you were looking for it” arguments always puzzle me); but I was bothered sometimes and by the freakiest, strangest men or men who were in groups – the arrogant types and the “outnumbering you” types. And it’s even scarier when you are faced with people like this, who do not read you at all, who are not opportunistic, and are completely and utterly shameless.
This is what I love about our species – wonderful people coming from meh circumstances. Gives me hope because I feel like all I do is mess up and not live up to people’s expectations but maybe I will be ok – she had some challenges but she’s ok, so can I, maybe, possibly.. hopefully.
I know what she means. I believe bullies sniff out their targets and go for the ones they don’t think will fight back, the ones that will stay quiet. Sometimes they misjudge.
I had read about her early years. There was some gossip mag story about her not attending her biological father’s funeral and stories about that. I think his daughter from another relationship called her out for not helping with expenses, saying he was Jessica’s father.
She says there is no name on her birth certificate regarding who her father is and hated the attention regarding her personal life. It was during the time of Zero Dark 30. Her younger sister, Juliet, committed suicide at the age of 24. It’s amazing coming from the way in which she grew up she ended up graduating from Julliard. She was the first in her family to attend college. She went on a scholarship funded by Robin Williams.
Wow, what an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.
Her Wikipedia and IMDb bios used to report that her birth name was Jessica Howard, which — considering her strong resemblance to Bryce Dallas Howard, and added to the fact that Robin Williams paid for her Julliard education — used to fuel a lot of rumors about her paternity a few years ago. She’s flatly denied all of that. It’s pointless to speculate about it, I realize, but… I don’t know. I always thought the idea of a semi-anonymous paternal benefactor was kind of romantic? (Then again, I’m an orphan, and these are orphan’s thoughts.)
She’s always been suuuper guarded about her personal life, but — to the original Celebitchy post’s point about the fact that she even keeps her *age* a secret — I’ve also read that she got kind of a later professional start because of a seriously messed-up relationship? Hence the career-mindedness, the aversion to marriage, etc. Most celebrities lie and shave a few years off; she simply declines to self-report.
Anyway. She’s one of those very rare, special folks who, I don’t think she’ll ever tell her audience the extent she’s suffered. She isn’t one to tell a sob story, I guess. And that’s legit — her private life is private and her pain is private — but… anytime she DOES have something to say, I listen. She’s certainly made a practice of letting her actions speak for themselves and her work speak for itself so, when she does speak…! (Sorry if my comment seems weird! I religiously follow “blind items” and I also think she’s the most talented working actor by far, that’s all)
on a slightly shallower note – she looks GORGEOUS in that cover shot with the hat.
I love her. And, it’s a compliment that HW would rather fight Ali than Chastain!
It’s not victim blamey.
She’s speaking about her experience with confrontation when she was a child.
I had a similar experience when I was a kid.
A boy wouldn’t stop throwing rocks at my best friend as we were walking home from the bus stop. She just kept quiet. I started yelling at him, and when he didn’t stop and I saw my friend start to cry, I hit him with my packpack and jumped on him.
We all have different reactions and experiences when faced with certain things.