I’m not a big fan of participating in the Both-Sides conversation about sexual harassment, or “women can be equally gross towards men too” conversation. While women can absolutely be the aggressors, harassers and abusers, let’s be clear: the overwhelming majority of harassment and abuse cases involve men as abusers, because that’s the nature of the patriarchy. Now, all that being said, what Katy Perry did was gross and she should be called out. During an American Idol audition, Katy, Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan were chatting with a 19-year-old conservative Christian kid. The kid claimed that he had never kissed a girl because he had never been in a relationship. This is what happened (you only have to watch the first minute or so):
Nope. Both-Sidesism! Imagine if a 30-something man (say, Luke Bryan) had surprised a unwilling 19-year-old conservative Christian girl by kissing her on the mouth. There would be outrage and it would be justified. Katy should have known better. This kid’s name is Benjamin Glaze and he spoke to the New York Times (via People), saying:
“I was a tad bit uncomfortable. I wanted to save it for my first relationship. I wanted it to be special. Would I have done it if she said, ‘Would you kiss me?’ No, I would have said no. I know a lot of guys would be like, ‘Heck yeah!’ But for me, I was raised in a conservative family and I was uncomfortable immediately. I wanted my first kiss to be special.”
Glaze told the Times he does not view the kiss as sexual harassment and actually appreciated the added screen time, as his audition did not advance him to the competition’s next round in Hollywood.
“So in that way,” he told the newspaper, “I’m glad she did it because it’s a great opportunity to get my music out.”
A rep for American Idol did not comment. A rep for Perry did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.
Again, the added layer to this is that Glaze was probably raised in some Duggar-esque Evangelical household where he believes that the first woman he kisses will be his wife. You can say, “pfff, Katy was just being silly” or “hey, those conservative Evangelicals are crazy, it doesn’t matter,” but it clearly mattered to this kid and please don’t discount his discomfort. Katy shouldn’t have done it.
Photos courtesy of ABC and WENN.
Revolting Katy. Totally unacceptable.
Awful. Just awful. That poor kid.
I can’t view the video, but isn’t he kissing her back in the second picture down?
*is confused*
Elkie, she asked for a kiss on the cheek, and then turned her head at the last moment to get him on the lips. Bait-and-switch.
Elkie, there’s nothing confusing. As Tiffany said, she asked him for a kiss on the cheek (which is already creepy, imagine if Lionel Richie had asked that) he did it because cameras, auditions and all and thus the picture. She then complained that it wasn’t a real kiss cuz there wasn’t even a “kiss” sound (re: creepy) so when he went for it once again, she turned and surprise-kiss him on the mouth while the other judges where laughing and taking pictures. It’s wrong
I couldn’t see the video either, but yuck! That’s awful of her. That’s no different than someone asking for a hug and then groping.
You should never, ever kiss anyone on the lips other than your significant other and maybe your children. This was particularly unacceptable.
Agree this was harassment. Not only that, but the disdain she has for his perspective is such an obvious ‘fuck you’ to her own conservative Christian upbringing.
Its an abuse of power. He was waiting for someone special. This was not cute Katy and you are not every guys dream crush.
The premise is to impress the judges and he went along, thinking if I don’t comply then my chances are slim.
I’ve been in uncomfortable situations where I didn’t outright call the other person out because I felt I didn’t want to publicly embarass them. I’ve since worked on myself and have made sure that if I am uncomfortable about anything it’ll be known.
If this was a male judge, it would’ve been seen as grossly inappropriate right of the bat.
Btw – I love Russel Brand ( nowadays) he’s really changed his life around and i watch his YouTube channel. Intelligent, articulate and compassionate.
Let’s call it what it is: assault and battery. If a male judge had done this to a teenage girl contestant, heads would roll. But Katy will keep her job, and everyone on “Idol” will just sort of forget about it.
Assault and battery is physical, non sexual violence. This wasn’t assault and battery. It was sexual harassment or a sexual assault.
well seacrest is employed there, im pretty sure no one at AI.2 cares at all
this exactly, if #metoo means anything, then Katy should lose her job, not only did she sexually assault a 19 y/o boy, it is recorded, there is no hidden meaning or subtext, she lured him in, despite his protestations, she took from him without his consent, she violated his sense of privacy and well being. If she was a man and it was late 2017, she would be fired post haste. but its 2018, they tell me Katy is a woman, and #metoo is just a hashtag.
#waitingontheworldtochange
Wow way to overreact
Battery is any instance of unwanted touching. Bearcat was using the legal definition and it does apply here.
Thoughtless egomaniac.
Ugh.
Agree. Famewhore to boot.
I wonder, with the tables turned like this, and we are sure that Katy was out of line….is this reverse sexism? Sexual harrassment is an insidious arm of sexism, and the establishment of power balance had always been with men. In this case, where we discuss role reversal, is what Katy did still wrong?
Just wondering and wanted to put out there for discussion?
It’s not reverse anything — it’s inappropriate behavior in the workplace.
@TRH – agree. But when a man does it, it’s part and parcel of sexist behavior. In this case, where a woman does it,but we establish that it is blankly inappropriate behavior, is there no foundation to call it reverse sexism?
I am asking this bc I’m locked in a stupid debate with a guy maintaining that what Perry did is just as good as reverse sexism, and I’m failing to make a strong point of how it is not. It wasn’t appropriate, no… But is it more egregious when man does this compared to a woman, and if so, why?
Yes, it is very wrong, but I think reverse sexism would be a term to dismiss women’s legit complaints like it was used against black people and other groups. It is whataboutism and discriminatory without compassion and devoid of empathy.
Patriarchy sends insidious toxic messaging in all corners of our society, but it also denies men who don’t fit the social construct idea of what male means their freedom to be authentic and not thought of as weak. It harms disabled men, gay, trans, sensitive, minority or men who are simply different. They are thought of as less because it is built on the idea, in our culture that the macho alpha dog white male is the ultimate Pater. So it ties into racism, bigotry, and discrimination as well. This is why 45’s blustering and bullying appealed to white people, and his sexcapades and predatory behavior is excused. His wife is a symbol of his virility, and her plastic face fits right into the narrative that she is trying to stay appealing to her man like women are supposed to do.
He is just this idea magnified, but it has always been there in certain degrees. It is why HRC triggers them and why 45 targets black women so often.
So, in this case, Katy co-opted that attitude that this white male seeks to be seen as a stud. Her actions read as “Of course, a male wants sexual attention”. “Of course, he should be grateful his first kiss was with a big celebrity”. It is the idea of taking what she wants because real men are supposed to want it all the time. She thought the headline would be lucky guy! Instead many of us see it for what it is.
An example of a woman feeding into this is the theme of young student and teacher. It is often gasped about when it is a girl but joked about when it is a boy. He has to be very young for it to be noticed as predatory. The women are seen as shameful sluts or mentally unstable but rarely as what she is and that is a predator.
Aaron Taylor Johnson is a good example or Macron and his wife. Sure they went on to marry them but would that have been their choice if they had been equals?
Revolting really, no one needs to see an assault NOR the KatePlus8 hairdo!!
My ex husband’s family all kissed each other on the lips hello and goodbye- it always made me uncomfortable, but I tried to be “understanding”. At the end of the marriage I found out he had sex with his first cousin’s wife, his ex wife, and his previous gf- all during our marriage. IJS this is a boundary issue ,and for this family, it was the tip TIP of an iceberg.
Unacceptable. Katy needs to apologize to him. Don’t touch people without their permission – why is that so hard to grasp for some?
#metoo
This is one of my issues with Katy Perry. She tries to talk the woke talk, say the right things. But I genuinely don’t think she grasps a lot of the stuff she’s talking about. Her behavior has always shown that she doesn’t quite ‘get it’ when it comes to a lot of big issues. I give her credit for TRYING, but that’s about it. She’s not as ‘there’ as a lot of people were willing to believe.
I don’t know. The concept is so incredibly simple. Only touch people after obtaining their permission. Boom. Done.
Personally, it would never have occurred to me that he was saving his first kiss, but it also would never have occurred to me to just put my face on him without at least asking first. Who does that?
I wouldn’t have occurred to me that he was saving his first kiss but he DID say he wouldn’t kiss a girl outside of a relationship so that should have made it pretty clear to her.
Not okay,Katy! Ugh.
I’m curious to know if any element of this was ‘directed’ or ‘produced’ to go this way? I’m not making excuses for Katy – what she did was 100% wrong – but I’d like to know who else was involved – other than the douche bros cackling and high five-ing and the idiots who put this (assault) on television.
Wasn’t she also brought up in a conservative Christian household? This feels like it is all about HER – of course. The boy feels violated, like his innocence has been taken away from him and he can never get it back.
That’s what I was coming to post!!!
Yeah, I was going to say that I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it because she’s still rebelling against her parents and the way they brought her up.
Totally. There’s nothing fun and flirtatious about this. Her parents’ brand of Christianity didn’t work for her, but she needs to respect that it’s meaningful to this kid at this point in HIS life.
Perfect example of power abuse. Gross.
I can’t stand her. Her personality rubs me the wrong way. She just seems so fake. Like someone who would smile in your face and talk about you behind your back. Then kissing him! Like shes making his dream come true! *eye rolling*
Same. Always disliked her. This story just makes the hate stronger.
And just to be a petty bitch, I’m gonna point out that her terrible haircut only emphasizes how average-looking she is. Then again, even the most beautiful woman in the world would struggle to pull of that haircut.
She looks like she’s trying to suck out his soul for eternal youth. Her makeup is horrifying.
I mentioned to someone the other day her haircut looks like it’s a bad straight copy of early 80’s Annie Lennox. (Who always keeps short cropped hair even still.) However, Annie looks fabulous with it, she is The Diva after all. While it doesn’t really suit KP. Actual
I’m another one who is just rubbed the wrong way by her. I’m not even sure I can put my finger on why she’s so grating. Also I’m a fan of pretty much all cheesy pop music, but when she comes on the radio it makes me want to drive my car off a cliff. Roar, Firework, I kissed a Girl … they’re all so dang annoying.
On topic: Yup this was totally wrong and so uncomfortable!!! And yes, the look on her face like she thinks obviously this is exactly what any guy would want. UGH!!!
Agreed with Snowflake,Kitten,and anotherKate-YES YES one thousand times yes to each of your comments.She thinks she’s being cute,or giving this innocent boy the thrill of his lifetime (yuck)If Lionel Ritchie has done this to a 19 year old girl he would be ripped apart.I also can’t stand Katie’s hair-it’s doing her features zero favors,and her music is just ugh…about 6-7 years ago California Girls was playing every other minute and I’m still not over it.We literally turn the radio off whenever her music comes on.I only get celeb news from this site and really hadn’t realized she was even very popular anymore.To kiss a kid on the mouth who is only 19 just shows no class and it’s disrespectful of his chosen moral beliefs.This is not okay
I can’t stand her either! And she is Queen of “Mediocre”. How does she makes so much money? Her music is terrible!
I’ve always disliked her. I think she’s wack and she tries so hard to be edgy, provocative, and evocative, but is so basic. She’s also a little mean and catty. This solidifies it for me.
I dislike her as well, and on this story I took a minute to make sure that it wasn’t just my internal bias that made this feel so incredibly wrong. But no, even if I did like her, this still would be complete unacceptable and wrong.
It makes me feel so bad, because clearly a kiss means a lot to him. It wasn’t that she just took something from him, but she took something that she KNEW was valuable to him. It makes me really sad.
Snowflake: Thought the same thing after watching American Idol this week. Never really knew her personality before, only her music which I didn’t mind either way, but after the shows this week there was something off with the way she acted toward not only contestants but her costars Lionel and Luke. She seems like she’d be super nice to your face then turn around and say something bad. Didn’t care for her at all.
I’m with the other posters, unacceptable, and she should have known better,
She was wrong, very wrong. As were the two men who encouraged it and joked about it afterwards.
Thank you, lightpurple. She was 100% out of order, but let’s not pretend she was in this alone. Also the idiots who put this on television (which I’m assuming it was). Hold them all accountable.
Them filming and high fiving her added a gross element to it. Like frat bros high fiving after an assault. Ugh.
Ohhhh excellent point. Not a Katy fan at all and she clearly in the wrong, but yeah the bro-fiving is also really gross. And it seems like she’s loving “being one of the guys.” Ughhhhhh
Yeah, this was not okay. With everything that’s been going on over the past several months and with her being 33, she should have known better. There are probably a lot of male and female celebrities who have had this same “Let me make this person’s day by randomly kissing them! They’ll be thrilled!” mentality for a while. But people need to ask first. Besides the obvious consent issue, this was a very thoughtless move on her part because you know misogynists are sitting around waiting for a woman to pull something like this so they can use it to not take issues like male violence against women, harassment, rape culture, and feminism seriously. She should definitely apologize, even if the man is being clear that he personally doesn’t see it as sexual harassment or assault.
It’s disrespectful, and doing it publicly just adds another layer of ick on top. .
That was uncomfortable to watch. Poor kid.
This is where toxic gender norms affect both sides. Most cases of women sexually harassing men are because they believe all men want it, all the time.
Katy probably thought she was doing him a ‘favor’, because we internalize this idea that men don’t want to be virgins, or want to wait to be kissed. im glad this is being discussed.
I am too. As a mother of sons…oh wait. (sarcasm)
I will use my own religious, Jewish, background as an example. In the Ultra-Orthodox community women and men don’t interact much and they don’t touch. I may not agree with their ways and traditions, but I respect their boundaries. I run into them when I am shopping for kosher foods for special occasions or sometimes in other settings. If a young man said that he had never been touched by a woman, I would not see it as an invitation but as a fact to be respected in our interaction. I don’t think who I am or how I look gives me some extra rights nor do I assume I am universally desired sexually or even admired. That kind of ego, as we have seen with powerful men over and over is disgusting.
Patriarchy is destructive for everyone in different ways and degrees.
Sometimes the only way to get the point across is to switch genders as an example. If it is not ok for one, then it is not ok for the other. This is about behaviors that invalidate someone’s ownership of themselves and limits their freedoms and strips away their agency.
This is what she did. A man did that to me in a bar once. Everyone thought it was funny but me. I was supposed to be flattered because of who he was and what he looked like so my feelings were dismissed so I played along, but it bothered me. It had nothing to do with religion or values it had to do with being intimately touched by someone I had not invited to do so. I would not have done it, and it isn’t my style. Even if it was, I still had not invited him.
Katy should be called out, and she should be dragged. This is an important conversation for the greater point to be understood across the board.
Well said!
I have this friend of my husband’s who comes with his own loud-mouthed posse of guys. More than twice, our friend’s buddy, who’s name I’ve never remembered, (i can be totally sure he never learned mine) greets me by landing me a big one on the cheek without asking, all the while fake-apologizing by saying “I’m Italian, we kiss.” By the second time he did it again without warning enough for me to get away, he started muttering the same excuse but I sad, “I’m not” loud enough to be heard and leave a different air in the room.
My husband’s friend then made a point of standing a distance from me and when we left, where we’d usually hug, he awkwardly reached out his arm for a handshake. The difference is CONSENT, people, why is that so EFFING HARD? We usually hug it out, dude, I’m not suddenly the sensitive jerk who shuns all contact. So irritating.
Yes, great post Magnolia
It baffles me that she thought she was doing this young man some kind of huge favor by giving him a kiss. That mouth has been on John Mayer and Orlando Bloom! It was so inappropriate and disrespectful of her. If a male judge had did this to any contestant, male or female, they would have been fired immediately, dropped by their publicist, and shamed by the media. I have barely heard a word about this, which reinforces the idea that there is a double standard when it comes to women being the aggressors.
I agree. It’s horrible and I can’t believe she thought that this would be okay!
Regarding her getting canned… The show is hosted by none other than Ryan seacrest.. so something tells me that she’s going to stay put and there will be no real backlash.
While I think she’s totally in the wrong here, she’s not ‘dirty’ to his ‘pure’, just because she’s been with Bloom and Mayer.
I vaguely remember Katy Perry once making a comment about where Miley Cyrus’s mouth had been. I think Miley Cyrus tried to kiss her, and she didn’t like it.
I don’t think Katy Perry is dirty (her private life is her business), but I think John Mayer LOOKS dirty.
@Ankhel
True but if someone kissed me against my will I would certainly think about where that mouth has been and if I want any part of it. It would probably add to my justified outrage.
Don’t forget Russell Brand.
Regardless of where her mouth has and hasn’t been, she sure is cocky to think any man is dying for a kiss from her.
Can we please NOT slut shame her while we agree that she was 100% in the wrong and should not have kissed that man without his consent? Why does it matter who her previous partners are? Would it have been okay if she was a virgin too? Or had only dated “better” men?
This. I’m not interested in whether she’s a used piece of gum or not. Viewing women that way is not OK. She’s no more likely to spread diseases through kissing than the next person either. The issue here is consent.
I don’t think it matters who she’s been with, but I do think she was slightly opening herself up to be mocked when she tried to force a kiss on a guy who had clearly stated what his boundaries are. She most likely won’t face any repercussions for what she did, so probably the easiest way to bring her ego down is by making fun of her. In any other circumstance, I don’t think people would mock her. But in this instance, I think people are mocking her the same way they would if John Mayer or any other man tried to force a kiss on someone. I don’t think Katy Perry is gross (or at least I never thought about her that way in that context — I probably thought she was pleasant enough at some point), but I do think the world universally agrees that John Mayer is gross, so a John Mayer joke is probably the easiest way to get to her.
After watching that clip, I am amazed at her cockiness that she’d just brazenly assume that she was the girl of his dreams and that he’d want a kiss from her.
Exactly. And she ends up acting like a predator, like she’s going to mark that guy for life as if he had no right to choose what he wants to do with his body.
I feel sad for him.
On the Both Sideism, lets not pretend that reversed genders would be a big deal on anywhere other than on progressive feminist sites. Everyone else would say it was a milisecond peck that even siblings share and “SJWs are just perpetually offended over nothing”. There would probably be another NYT think piece about how this drama undermines real sexual assault. There would probably be another in the Daily Beast about why women should learn to say a firm no instead of expecting men to read “discomfort”. Even here there would be comments declaring it an scripted bit. The other portion would be acting as character references for the guy celebrity. Because apparently if you have seen a man in a few interviews and developed a crush on him, then you know everything about who he is and he isnt.
This clip was wrong but people have a super skewed idea of what does happen to young women in the reverse situation.
+1000
+1000. That’s true too.
Poor kid! Wasn’t Katie a conservative Christian singer before pop? Methinks there’s a touch of hostility to her inappropriate kiss.
I doubt it. She was probably being “free and fun” without thinking that not everyone shares that desire. She’s been “liberated” and now she’s just sharing the joy.
That would be like Katy Perry using “You’ve been brainwashed under patriarchy” (in this case, a patriarchal religion) to justify not taking this man seriously in his boundaries and choice about his body.
This is wrong. She was wrong. The young man was very mature about it in his interview, I mean it could have gone the other way.
This is what needs to stop. Anyone thinking they can touch someone without asking.
I am 59 years old, and if someone tries to hug or move in for a peck on the cheek, they will get a hand to the upper chest and a NO.
Damn, it is about space and respect. For starters. When you meet someone you have no idea what they have gone through or what they are about. So a nice to meet you is enough. Keep hands and lips off.
I don’t even like shaking hands.
Yes I have been sexually assaulted and molested.
I have never been molested or sexually assaulted, harassed yes but nothing very serious. I completely agree with you that no one should ever touch another without permission, I honestly don’t understand how anyone could think different.
Very well said. Nobody should feel obligated to be touched by another human. That is why I never asked my kids to kiss anyone when they were younger. My dad used to do that out of ‘respect’ for certain people and one tine a priest grabbed my butt. I felt violated.
I am a (woman) pastor and I am appalled that that happened to you, fhmom. I am so sorry.
I can’t watch it, I’m too upset. We are Sikh and also raise our children to wait… that this is special. I think she should be fired.
I couldn’t watch, the recap was even too much for me. Whether Katy thought him saving his kiss was silly, it was his to save and she stole that from him. She really disgusts me.
It was so sad when he naively asked “Was it good?” His first kiss had such value to him and she laughed at the question.
It was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw it. It would have been obvious if the genders were reversed.
#mentoo
This is assault and Katy was wrong.
So he says something to the effect of I guess I can’t really complain about someone with more power and fame than me coming into my personal space and physically violating me without my permission and against my wishes because I’m really really hoping it helps my career.
If the genders were reversed…
Honestly, I don’t get the swipes at his religion or the bringing up of the Duggars. His motivations for not wanting to kiss her are his alone and not especially relevant to the conversation. Katy violated him, period. I don’t care if he’s conservative Christian, orthodox Jewish, Muslim, or anything else. His response is very mature, as well. Katy made a clown of herself. Can you imagine the fallout if this were a young lady and it was Luke Bryan who tried this?
Yeah, I don’t think his religion is relevant. She violated his space. He could be a liberal atheist, and that still doesn’t change the fact that she violated his space.
Just because a man doesn’t mind a kiss from some other woman doesn’t mean he’s dying for a kiss from Katy Perry.
It matters about as much as who her previous partners are, as pointed out derisively upthread. Meaning: it doesn’t matter at all. He didn’t want to be touched by her, she used her position of power over him to touch him. His background and hers are irrelevant.
I thought it was because sometimes that can be used to dismiss the person and diminish their complaint. Also to underscore how much this meant to his value system and beliefs. This is only about him and not about someone else in the same position.
Exactly, he’s barely above boyhood, and just looks so uncomfortable. This is wrong no matter his background or past. There are no qualifications to being a victim, for men or women.
Agreed. Suspecting that a person’s decision with their body is tied to patriarchal institutions or in line with what some men want does not justify disrespect- whether it’s a conservative male virgin being clear about his choice to save his kisses or a liberal atheist woman who’s made it clear that she does not fuck with that brand of morality.
But why the suspicion? I have met many people, of various religious backgrounds and beliefs, that believe that intimate “firsts” should be memorable in nature and want to to share them with somebody who they have feelings for or have some kind of commitment with. I have that belief, and I can assure you it has nothing to do with “patriarchy” – it has to do with the innate vulnerability that exists in those moments and trying to find somebody who won’t take advantage of it. Perry took that choice away from this young man, which is abhorrent. But I do kind of roll my eyes at the insinuation that there is something amiss with this desire in the first place.
‘I have that belief, and I can assure you it has nothing to do with “patriarchy”…’
I believe you. Until someone is intolerant towards those who choose differently, there’s usually not a good reason to assume an adult is too brainwashed to be taken seriously or respected in a discussion on their own decisions about their body. But some people here think Katy’s behavior toward this boy has to do with her idea of rebellion against (patriarchal) religions pushed on kids by parents. A lot of times people use their suspicions about what’s behind others’ decisions about their bodies as an excuse for disrespectful behavior- although that’s typically more true for women than it is for men.
She’s nasty. How can women expect to get eat the concept of consent across to men when we have someone acting the fool like this? At the very least she should publicly apologize.
That was a violation of his space, even if he had kissed a hundred girls before Katy Perry.
He’s being nice about it, but I didn’t get the impression he really wanted Katy Perry to be his first kiss, even if he was willing at some point to discard the relationship rule about first kisses.
Am I the only one who didn’t think the kid looked uncomfortable ? Flustered maybe, but who wouldn’t be at one of these tryouts? That interview sounded a lot like “My parents are really upset with what she did so I’m going to CMA” OR “I’m bitter that I didn’t get further in the show so I’m going to get publicity by talking about this kiss.”
Maybe I’m biased though, my first kiss happened in almost an identical way. Haven’t thought about that in years, so thanks for the flashback, I guess?
He may not have wanted to embarrass her. He fell down backwards, which made me think he was shocked. Since she’s a big star, he may have not wanted to appear weird. The fact that he’s male and has certain career aspirations might affect how he responds publicly with people watching.
If he said he didn’t want Katy Perry kissing him, I could kind of see the internet mocking him or questioning what’s wrong with him. So I do think she put him in a difficult spot with the public.
I did think he hinted at the fact that he didn’t want to his first kiss to be with her, though. I did see another article where his friends were reassuring him that this kiss doesn’t really count, so maybe the forced kiss may have affected him a bit.
So … he secretly wanted it? Come on. He had no choice in the matter and that’s gross. But maybe she’s one of those women who think every single man wants them at all times no matter what they say.
Yes, you’re probably the only one.
This is wrong on so many levels. Religious and/or political beliefs aside this kid morally wanted to wait to share his first kiss with someone he was in a relationship with. While some may find that strange & it’s not my personal opinion I find his morals refreshing. Katy should have respected his beliefs & what she did is wrong. Period. If a man had done this people would be demanding he be fired. The fact that this was done by a woman makes no difference, she should be held to the same standards & face the same consequences as a man. If people want equal rights that means equal consequences, you can’t have it both ways.
Didn’t she not like it when Miley Cyrus tried to kiss? I could have sworn I read that story….maybe it was here.
She took his first kiss away from him. Abhorrent.
This is so messed up on so many levels. There are so many what ifs in this situation. I haven’t watched the video because I’m at work. But I have a few questions: Was he complaining about not ever being kissed? Did he say, “I wish I could get a kiss from a girl?” Why in the world would Katie think he would want his first kiss from her? Because she’s famous? Girl, get a grip. And honestly, what if she’s the wrong gender. I know he’s Christian conservative, but hey, maybe he wanted his first kiss to be with the person of HIS choosing. This is quintessential harassment. Boy, get a lawyer.
Seriously.
Christian conservative or not, that was his first kiss.
What if he was hoping his first kiss could come from Emma Watson instead? What if his first kiss preference from a celebrity wasn’t Katy Perry?
I’m fascinated about by how celebrities think and how much confidence they have to just boldly push into other people’s boundaries.
Katie, Katie, Katie-always looking for attention. The best thing here would have been to keep her lips to herself. All she had to do was say something like ‘may your first kiss be with someone you really care about & complement his work’ that’s it. Uncalled for and unnecessary.
That was bad. Imagine if it had been reversed. And the way, she was like, “Yeah, I got him!” Omg!! Can you imagine if a man had been saying that about a teenage girl? WOW.
Ugh. This is just wrong. I hope she apologizes.
Nothing confusing here: she asked him for a kiss on the cheek (which is already creepy, imagine if Lionel Richie had been the one to ask) and he did it. Thus the picture. Then she complained that it wasn’t a real kiss cuz there wasn’t even a “smack” sound, so when he went back, she turned her face and surprise-kissed him on the mouth. It’s not ok.
She stole his first kiss. No good at all, even if he wasn’t a conservative boy. It’s true the majority of harassement came from men, but it’s plenty of female abusers, we are not talking about a few cases. Men abused by a woman report even less than women, especially in macho cultures. Children are often abused by their mothers. And we don’t speak about women harassed and abused by other women: for example in the italian music factory it happens quite often.
This.
I have a female coworker who is sexually inappropriate towards men. I can’t say she herrasses them phisically, but seriously she follows all the guys, make explicit sexual “jokes”. She is in a power position too. If she was a man we would all be screaming at sexism and herrassement. Granted.
The truth is harassement is always wrong, no matter who is the abuser. And if there’s a difference in power position is even wronger.
I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but I’m fed up with women getting a pass about this kind of behaviour.
Your co-worker is creating a hostile work environment. Talk to whoever is the sexual harassment officer in HR. The company is liable for her behavior.
I didn’t watch the video but I can feel his discomfort in his statement. This is NOT ok. The first time he kisses a girl he will have this yucky experience of the Katy Perry kiss in his mind. As someone who was assaulted twice as teen, I know from experience.
I think that’s exactly what Katy wanted, to be ‘his first’, whether he wanted it or not.
Gross.
Man, Katy is just rushing to take all the Ls.
I’m fully disgusted in this criminal behaviour by Katy Perry.
This is so unacceptable. It’s absolutely sexual harassment and an abuse of power.
Even if he’d wanted to I would find it completely unprofessional for the judge of a competition!
What she did was wrong. It doesn’t matter what his religious beliefs are or if he’s never been kissed before. You can’t just put your lips on another person without their consent….period.
She’s tacky. The two men filming with their cells and high fiving her after was tacky. This whole thing is disgusting and this should be considered the same as if it were reversed genders. Unwanted touching isn’t okay. No matter who the person is, their religious affiliation, their history of partners, etc.
The Christian in me keeps un-cancelling KP- but I think I am done. #himtoo
Why is it so hard in our society to remember that you can not touch another person’s body without their consent! She needs to be fired. Totally unacceptable.
So, at my job, a guy got fired. Well, he came up to talk to his bros. I was close by and he just laid a kiss on me. In front of everyone! I was so embarrassed and humiliated. He goes, I can’t get in trouble since I don’t work here anymore. And my boss did nothing, he was friends with the guy. Idk what to do, since as he said, he didn’t work there anymore. So I went back to my desk and did nothing. I still think about that from time to time, like what could I have done? And I’m upset that I didn’t do anything! This is years ago but it still bugs me
Women are trained not to make a scene. Resistance is the implied “proper” narrative, but we are all taught from a young age to view men as dangerous. Who wants to risk sparking a more violent response? You aren’t to blame for being unable to react in the moment to a breach of basic social decency. Freezing is not an uncommon response, and predators like him take advantage of that.
This being said, as somebody who used to be the same way, the first time you DO react, you will feel embarrassed. Don’t be. Scream, shout, push, punch, do whatever it takes to get them away from you. People might tell you that you’re being ridiculous, but f*ck them. If it gets them away from you, that’s a success. Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking otherwise. They were the ones who breached the social contract first.
I’m not above getting dirty and reverting to my 6-year-old self from time to time. I used to work in a hotel, behind the bar among other things. You’re 23, you’re alone, you can’t leave because your shift isn’t done, and the guest is king. So you smile and play along and then spit in their drink. It’s not classy, it won’t help, but I needed the job and my bosses (an elderly couple) had made it clear that we shouldn’t be so sensitive. So … you do what you gotta do. To the truly vile ones.
These days I maybe wouldn’t because it’s been 8 years since I was fired (for criticizing them ONCE) and I’ve grown up quite a bit. I’ve learned to speak up but I’m not sure what I would do in that situation. So smearing something gross on his chair might’ve been an option. And when the person blames you, you act like you didn’t even have a reason because what did he do? And everyone knows you, you wouldn’t do that, right?
Yes, I’m that person. In rare situations where you don’t stand a chance, I’m that person.
I had a customer who would brag about how often he got away with drinking and driving. He rarely stayed, just grabbed a 6-pack and left. One day I’d had enough. I went into the cooler, grabbed the 6-pack, shook the living crap out of it, put it in a bag and gave it to him. I had to do it 3 times before he quit coming back.
Despicable.
It reminds me of when she grabbed Shawn Mendes’ butt on the red carpet.
https://www.seventeen.com/celebrity/news/a45570/kata-perry-grabs-shawn-mendes-butt/
I thought it wasnt so bad at first, but now I’m kind of concerned! If she thinks it’s funny. It’s not.
Huh. Why would you do that, Katy?
Wow really who does she think she is? If this were a man, he’d be blacklisted already.
This makes me really mad. She was raised the same way, so I think she knows how much that first kiss would mean to him. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t agree or thinks it’s silly. Those are his beliefs and she trampled on them. I feel like this was such a slap in the face to him. It’s not funny. It’s what old men have done to women forever, and her doing it is not OK.
It’s inappropriate, obviously, but chances are he won’t find the recourse he deserves. This is the flip side of how we gender sex – men are expected to always want it.
I didn’t get it yesterday when I saw it in headlines because I didn’t see the video. The poor kid. Her effing ego!!! She did that because she thought she is a big effing deal and the kid would want his first kiss to be her. It is not okay to sneakily kiss someone on the lips. I had a drunk guy do that to me at a party in front of my husband and I hit him – HARD!
One of the guys I work with who is a young millennial said basically that teen boys are just a bucket of overworked hormones and that he was sure Katy knew that which is why she kissed him. What the actual F is that supposed to mean? Oh the kids horny so I’m gonna kiss him.
Gah!!!!
Is Ryan Seacrest and Exec Producer of American Idol? If so, that may help explain why they thought this was cute and aired it too. Katy should lose her position on American Idol for this
If she really thought he’d want her to be his first kiss, she would have made the offer instead of doing what she did. She knew he would not be comfortable with the offer, let alone her kissing him, and would have declined which would have made her look bad if aired. She and the producers made a big mistake thinking people would think this was cute/appropriate
To comment on the above post about her being “dirty” and him being “pure”. For starters, my husband has herpes type 1 (otherwise known as cold sores) Herpes type 1 can go down (not sure if I can use the words here) but you know what I mean. As well it can be passed without any obvious sores on the mouth. With that said my husband was never allowed to kiss our kids on the face due to this. As well I never let anyone kiss my kids on the face. She is a little “dirty” Who actually knows if she has herpes type 1. For someone like myself who works in the health care when you have had multiple partners you do become a little “dirty” Nothing wrong with it morally but you need to tell people before you kiss (or more) what you have come into contact with. Just saying.
Well, I have the herp. Got it from my mother probably, since she has it and I got sores when I was little. 30%-35% of adults have it, so if you get it from a kiss, someones glass etc, that’s largely a question of luck really. Not ‘being dirty’. Just living normal. Katy, unlike boring me, could very well be clean.
I also must have got it from my mother maybe. I’ve only had one cold sore in my life when I was in my late 20s and I genuinely don’t know where else it could have come from. I would rather have cold sores and thousand loving kisses from my mother than none and a ‘clean’ face. Your rules for your husband were way harsh, Tai.
This poor kid. Ugh! He wanted his first kiss on the lips to be special and she just took that from him. Sad for him. The video made me cringe!!
In pharmacy school, we were taught “If it’s wet and not yours, don’t touch it.”
Someone needs to teach KP that.
Gross. He probably contracted herpes, too.
I watched the clip- odd behaviour and it was uncomfortable to watch. I don’t understand the double standard, imagine the outcome had a male presenter done the same thing…..
Absolutely disgusting. This made me feel sick, she violated his boundaries and took something from him he didn’t want to part with. I’ve never been into her music and will forever boycott her now. She should be publicly shamed for this and lose her job like any man would have been had he done this.
Incredibly disrespectful. What a narcissistic POS.
This is upsetting and wrong.
Hard pass. This attitude of entitlement and arrogance is no different than what pisses me off about so many men–I know what you want better than you do sonI am just going to make that choice for you–ugh!
I had a good friend who didn’t even want to kiss anyone until his wedding day. Not for me, but that was his choice. How dare someone decide for him he shouldn’t.
If he was clear that he was waiting for his first kiss to be with someone special, Katy should have respected that and asked him before she did it. Her intentions were not malicious, but she does owe him an apology.
A good old-fashioned dose of Christian shame from her upbringing would be appropriate here. She really is an idiot.
Ugh – girl no. Just because one doesn’t subscribe to a certain religious belief doesn’t give one the right to infringe on the beliefs of others. I wouldn’t make a Muslim eat a hot dog. WTF Katy? This is problematic in a couple of different ways – pushing someone’s physical *and* religious boundaries without consent, for entertainment purposes, is not okay. Not okay for men or women. As women, if we wanna talk the talk we need to walk the walk. Respect is a two-way street.
Katy is a habitual line stepper. She is always taking liberties that she should not. This is one more to the list. She forced herself on this young man without regard for his physical space, his belief system or his preferences. the more I hear from her, the more I dislike her.
Don’t kiss people,especially on their lips without their consent.
That rule applies to Katy Perry,Donald Trump,everybody.
sexual assault. and it isn’t her first time.
Many years ago a grown man tried to kiss me in the cheeks in front of my parents. Apparently I was cute. Everybody was laughing and encouraging him to kiss me as I tried to escape. In the end he caught me and kissed me all over my face including my lips. Fun all around. Some years back I meet him again, I was 15 and an ugly kid with no boobs. He said to me that he remembered how sweet I was and when I was older I should meet him again. He had no time and oportunity to talk much longer. I got older and I meet him when I was 21. He still remembered my sweet lips but he had forgot my bad caracter. Nevertheless he tried to convince me that I HAD to kiss him again to feel grown up and remember what a good kisser he was and that I would be better at it. Oh boy. By 21 I was a dirty mouth sailor-swearing girl. He almost fainted hearing me. And still to this day I don’t kiss people even in the cheeks if I don’t feel it. Even my boyfriend is “I have been a good boy Can I have a kiss please?” Never mind going in public and get kissed by whomever. I think, considering everything, that this was staged somehow to get ratings. As far as I know there are a lot of legal advisers to prevent this. Imagine the real consequences IF he felt violated for real and pursuing legal action. No way in hell would she risk that.
The first time someone kissed me on the lips was a homeless man my mother had sent me to give food to, who just grabbed me and shoved his mouth on mine (I think he was mentally ill rather than being a predator) and to this day it slightly bothers me that my ‘first kiss’ was against my will and generally so unpleasant.
Poor boy.
Just wondering, do all the conservatives who routinely tell us we are just being too sensitive about sexual harrassment, but hate Katy Perry and her Jezebel ways, have a collective brain explosion here?
I agree this was gross but stop calling him a boy he is 19 and legally an adult. If he was not a Conservative Christian and instead a douche bro this conversation would not be happening at all. Make no mistake, I think it should be happening and consent is very black and white you either have it or you don’t.
I don’t think it matters what his religion is. He stated what his boundaries were. She crossed them.
If he was a douche bro, I do think it’s possible he would have already had his first kiss and most likely she wouldn’t have tried plopping one on him since he wouldn’t have had a lack of a kiss to confess to and stir her sense of entitlement (and, er, loins?). I do think she was more interested in kissing him BECAUSE he had not had his first kiss. Who knows if a douche bro would have confessed to that in order for us to see this scenario play out on people’s TV sets.
Absolutely. It was his innocence that she found enticing. Just like many who like the pride of being first regardless if they care about the individual.
Just wrong!! Shame on her!
Not only did Katy steal the kiss he was waiting share with his future special someone, she made him so flustered and dry mouthed that he had to request a drink of water and the nervousness affected his performance! He was criticized for playing & singing too fast due to that embarrassing kiss he did not want! His dream was to go to Hollywood, not kiss 33-year-old Katy Perry! Perhaps he would have performed much better without the kissing trauma, but we’ll never know.
Yuck that was the most embarrassing thing I’ve seen. What was with her douche bro attitude as well. “High FIVE” ugghhhhhh. That poor kid.
Well he did asked her “how was it?” afterwards ; with a cocky attitude. So much for “conservative innocent boy”! All he wants is publicity motivated by oultrage. And he got it!