I’ve never given birth and I’m not a mother, so I’m an outsider looking in on so many of the Mommy Wars and so many of these competitive-mothering, competitive-birthing stories. I believe strongly that women should be free to make their own choices across the board, from pregnancy to birth control to abortion to childrearing to whatever. But I still find myself side-eyeing some of the battlefields of the Mommy Wars. One of the side-eyes is for women who insist that their childbirth experience is going to be better or more authentic or more “real” if they give birth at home, without any drugs. If that’s what you want to do, God bless. But for real: why does it matter? You’re still going to have a baby at the end of it and THAT is the experience. Why not get the drugs? But as I said, I have no skin in this particular game. Anyway, Jessica Biel was one of those women who wanted everything all-natural and she wanted a home birth to a really crazy degree. And it didn’t happen that way at all.
On to Plan B. Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake open up about how their “anything but normal” birth plan was unexpectedly derailed by an emergency C-section when they had their son, Silas, in a new book by Connie Simpson, aka “Nanny to the Stars.”
In an excerpt of The Nanny Connie Way: Secrets to Mastering the First Four Months of Parenthood published by ET, the couple share the extensive lengths they went to in an attempt to have a natural birth: “Our birth plan was anything but normal. We had two midwives, one doula, one meditation birthing class, a ton of hippie baby books, and a lovely home in the Hollywood Hills that we had turned into a labor training facility that we called The Octagon. So, not exactly normal.”
The Sinner actress, 36, admits her demands for their home after returning from the hospital with Silas drove her and Timberlake, 37, a little crazy. “When all our plans fell apart and the serene, natural childbirth we had envisioned ended with a transfer to the hospital and an emergency C-section, we arrived home exhausted, disillusioned, and totally in shock,” Biel is quoted as saying.
“I was obsessed with everything organic, toxin-free, natural, and homeopathic for our kid, who came into this world in an operating room through an incision. I was a dictator, making myself and my husband insane!”
This is a sad story but, again, she and her baby are completely healthy. I should have known that Biel would be one of those competitive-birthing women, trying to have the most natural, the most toxin-free, the most whatever birthing experience. There was that documentary called The Business of Being Born about how Big Hospital is trying to ruin the natural childbirth process. But maybe it’s gone too far and Big Doula and Big Midwife are creating their own equally problematic industry which also hurts women and hurts the childbirth process? Again, it’s your choice to do what you want and every woman has to make her own choices. But if you’re going so far as to create an “Octagon” for your home birth, maybe take a step back and look at the bigger picture?
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I was just thinking about fendi the other day and wondering if they were still around because I honestly haven’t seen or heard of them lately. I was thinking about the SATC episode where Samantha and Carrie go to buy fakes out of the trunk of a car.
I also hand an emergency c section with my second but not because labor wasn’t progressing or something. His heart rate dropped while I was getting an NST. He had to be resuscitated and APGARs were all 0 at first. I was under though so I knew nothing until I came out. It sucked and the recovery was awful but you do just thank your lucky stars you have a healthy and living baby.
I had an emergency C-section because her heart rate dropped as well… Even though I didn’t want the totally organic meds free birth, I chose the hospital, I was in, on purpose, because they were birth friendly. Meaning, that after given birth you get an hour, with the baby on your chest, before they take her away to clean and weigh and such…of course, only if the baby is healthy. The C-section ruined that for me, and as happy as I am about having a healthy happy girl, I still kinda feel, like I didn’t really birth her, because that experience was taken away from me. It is a weird feeling, and I just can’t shake it off.
I hear you, but remember you are alive; your child is alive. All-natural experiences aren’t all they’re cracked up to be: prior to the advent of modern medicine, a lot of women died; a lot of children died. Be glad that’s not you or your child and don’t dwell on your disappointments.
I get it, I’m hopeful you can shake it eventually because I know what carrying a nagging feeling around can be like. With my first I was induced because we knew she had some issues so we wanted her out safely ASAP. They took her away right when she came out too so I didn’t even get to hold her or see her for a few hours after. With my second I had the emergency section and he went straight to the NICU, so again didn’t get to hold him or see him for a while. when I got pregnant for the third time I was so hopeful and dreaming of going into labor naturally, having a VBAC, getting the baby placed on my chest, nursing right away, all of the things most women get to enjoy. Found out I was having twins and all of that was taken away and I was absolutely devestated for a long time. Why couldn’t I have a normal pregnancy and get a normal birthing experience??? Not a lot of doctors will do a VBAC around here and with twins, no way. They were both breach in the end as well anyway. I still think about how I ended up giving birth three times and not one was how I envisioned or how most of my friends and family did. Also, you did give birth!! No matter how it happened you carried that baby and she had to be delivered out of your womb so you gave birth, love.
ELX, thank you, you are absolutely right, and I keep that in mind always. It is not so much a disappointment, but more a feeling of having failed there and a bit of detachment. It’s like i never really finished the pregnancy, because the end was so weird and I didn’t do anything but lay there, while they cut her out of me. Which is complete and utter BS, but you know, the mind does weird things sometimes.
Mel, I dont know what to say. That must have been really hard. At least with the twins, it was no real surprise, that it would be going down that way. Thank you for your kind words. You brought some tears to my eyes.
@dita I feel the same way-I was all about my drugged up hospital birth , but my son did not like pitocin(I had to be induced) and his heart rate dropped several times over my 21 hours of labor. I finally had a c and I’ve mourned the loss of my birth experience for 11months. Not being the first to hold him, not doing delayed cord clamping, not seeing him immediately. It’s disappointing and kind of crushing, and no offense to the other poster, but I HATE when people essentially tell me to move on/get over it, because my son is healthy…yes, I’m elated that he’s here and healthy(that was my birth plan), but that doesn’t mean I can’t mourn what I lost out on.
i was an emergency c section baby and my heart rate started dropping ..add that i was also like a week or 2 late and POW im here…lol
this sounds really painful even with meds
Jessica Biel makes me feel tired.
Some of it makes sense. On your back in a hospital bed is not the best position for giving birth. It’s easier if you aren’t working against gravity.
Hospitals here (I’m in Canada) allow us to labor in various positions.
Germany here. Hospitals not only allow but most will encourage you to walk around during labor and most hospitals have slings and birthing stools and balls to bounce on. Had one kid in the tub and one on the stool. I have no idea how you’re supposed to push out a baby lying flat on your back.
In UK as well, but only if you’re low risk. I had gestational diabetes and was stuck on my back hooked up on monitors for hours. It was horrible, until they took me to surgery.
Lucky you. I delivered my kid in Oklahoma, I was allowed to labor in various positions but once I was delivering, I asked the team to allow me to birth laying sideways because of my sciatica and they flipped me on my back and held me down. Not kidding you.
I’m from the US and had my first son “naturally” and my husband has many a photo of me fully propped up looking like Buddha whilst waiting. So allowing gravity to take its course… The tearing due to the large head caused (almost) insurmountable pain and recovery was long. Apparently I was thisclose to bleeding out…
Second son was born out of country and because we knew he was measuring big and head was big (again) had a scheduled section (to which I was initially opposed)… pain was more intense but I recovered much more quickly.
As long as the baby is healthy, you do you. Home births scare the shit out of me, but that’s because I don’t like the unknown (except for sex of baby… didn’t know with either and loved not knowing both times).
@trillian – hospitals in the US allow you to walk around, dance around and use the exercise balls to get the labor moving as long as there aren’t complications happening. It’s just the delivery part that they have you on your back – which still makes no sense other than it’s easier for the doctor.
It’s not hard to get caught up in all of it when you’re preparing for birth. I always thought I’d want the strongest drugs you can give me. But everything has their pros and cons of course and once you start getting into the details of it, well, I was seriously reconsidering my position. In the end none of my birthing plan went as planned, as I also ended up with emergency C-section. So I really feel for her. I was shell-shocked for weeks.
I had two kids in the 1990s. The first one I tried “natural” because I was 26 and idealistic. It was so unbelievably painful I was given a shot of something in my arm because it was too late for an epidural. The baby cried for hours after being born, one reason perhaps because there were drugs in her system. Three years later I opted for an epidural and it was bliss, and there were no drugs in my baby’s system and she slept. And with the wisdom and experience of age I ask, Would anyone say, “Oh yeah, I want surgery or a root canal etc” without the modern benefit of drugs? Of course not. So why is competitive macho childbirth “a thing?”
100%. My ob/gyn (who I adore, and who delivered both of my babies) told me it was completely up to me, she would support a drug-free birth, or we could do an epidural. I asked her what she chose, and she said, “I had the drugs!!” I did too, and I am glad I did. My personal thought is that healthy, happy mama and healthy happy baby are the most important things, whatever it takes to get there. I feel the same way about feeding and diapering.
she lost me at homeopathic.
+1 000 000
+ 1 million
Yes me too!!!
YESSSS!!! Awful pseudoscience.
I had my first baby without pain meds outside of a hospital, and I totally agree that it doesn’t make it more “real” having a baby this way. It hurts like hell.. that’s about it! Some women have less painful births due to the position of the baby.. some need pain meds due to complications that come up.. whatever! The goal is to get the baby out safely.
The joke is the real work comes after the baby is born : ) 18 years of work.. at least! ha! 🙂
Exactly, my first was positioned head up so the back of her head was pushing against my tail bone and the back labor was excruciating. I threw up I was in so much pain. I had to wait for my epidural because there was one anesthesiologist and it was March 1st, the day after leap day and no one wanted to have their baby on leap day so the floor was at capacity.
I had a perfect pregnancy my first time, but in an instant everything went wrong and I almost died giving birth to my daughter 4 years ago. I hemorrhaged and my placenta got stuck, it had to be manually removed and I was rushed to emergency surgery and required 2 blood transfusions. My daughter was also a premie and had lots of issues being born so early. I can’t thank the hospital staff enough for saving my and my daughters life.
I’m pregnant now and it’s very high risk so I will require a c-section. Home birth just makes me nervous because you really just never know what could go wrong, all the power to women who do it, I just think of how high the death rate was for women giving birth even 100 years ago and I personally could never take that risk.
So scary. I had very easy pregnancies and deliveries-but all at a hospital, just in case-because you never know what can go wrong.
I also had a similar unexpected complication requiring emergency surgery, so glad I was in a hospital. My surgeon said I wouldn’t have made it if I had chosen the Midwife Center or home birth.
Stars, they’re just like us!
I’m completely in support of plans that emphasize natural birth and that, in general, women are taking more control about how they have their babies. I do think that it might be time for professionals helping with birth plans to do more to address feelings about birth plans that don’t get realized. By this point, I’ve heard from a lot of women both online and in real life about how disappointed they were that they didn’t get to have the birth they wanted. Sometimes it even comes with an element of guilt, which seems like a lot to deal with when you’re home and trying to raise your baby. None of this is to say that women shouldn’t plan for natural births, just that there should be more attention paid to the feelings and needs of women who don’t get to have the births they wanted.
I’m all for choice on all fronts. The comment implying how awful it was her son came into the world through an operating room and incision? Oh please. I hope that implies she’s come to her senses on how insane that sounds. What privileged bulls**t. Staying in the “octagon” sounds like it would have meant dead baby and/or dead mother. How about getting on your knees and thanking “big medicine”.
When Silas was born? Why is she sharing this story now? Do they have something to promote?
It says the story is in a new book by Connie Simpson, “aka ‘Nanny to the Stars.’”
After 8 years of infertility..my father dying when I was 5 months pregnant then I had emergency c-sections 9 weeks early…so yeah I get it…shock doesn’t even begin to cover it
Seriously the hate for hospital births is growing and though I agree that all options should be explored to find what’s best for you, I do not understand the hate. If I’m about to give birth, I want medical staff prepared and ready for EVERYTHING! If there are complications I want anyone and everyone who can help available. I’m sure giving birth at home seems chill and relaxing but I’d be so worried about the what if’s. Moms do what is best for you and baby and tell anyone who disagrees with you to F off
Sounds like she went a little overboard but with money to back it up. I didn’t care about eschewing the epidural but I did NOT want a c-section and was a bit brainwashed by all the c-sections are the end of the world rhetoric I read on the internet. I was in distress, my baby was in distress, and she almost died before she was delivered via an emergency c-section and was hospitalized for three weeks. For my second child, I asked my OB if he thought a VBAC was a good idea, he said no, I said a scheduled c-section is nothing compared to the drama of my first delivery. I wish I hadn’t hung on so hard to the “plan” because it made a traumatizing event even more traumatizing.
I deliver babies all day, every day as an ObGyn. You can be the healthiest woman on the planet with the perfect baby, and your umbilical cord can still prolapse and kill your baby, or your baby can’t tolerate the labor and will need to be delivered within 5 minutes from hospital room to OR, not a 15 minute drive from the hospital. Home births are the absolute dumbest thing you can do, and I can’t support anyone who choose to have one. Want to walk to halls, sit on a birthing ball, sit in tub, not have an epidural? Please! But do it in a hospital where a doctor can save you or your baby’s life if a cord drops or you start hemorrhaging to the point of requiring surgery to save your life or you have an amniotic fluid embolus. Don’t put your selfish “birth plan” ahead of the life of your baby or your own life.
THANK YOU!!!
In my country insurance companies refuse to insure midwives or they demand huge monthly rates. For a very simple reason: there are no statistics about home birthes with midwives. Seriously, I live in a VERY beaurocratic country. We have statistics about the amount of dog bites. Whoophing cough and chicken pox are diseases which are statistically counted. We know how many parking tickets were handed out in certain areas of a city. But nobody knows how safe home birthes with midwives are. Recently there were some horrible stories about a midwife who said it was safe to do a home birth breech delivery. The result was that the baby is now severely handicapped (both cerebral as well as physical handicaps). There was another one who gave a pregnant woman such a bad episiotomy that the woman still has trouble six monthes later.
It seems that severe complications in child birth are no longer common knowledge which results in people thinking that home birth was no biggie and hospital not really that necessary at all. Before 1900 many women died in child birth or from complications of child birth. Same for babies. Today’s low rates of death/complications in child birth are due to medication and hospitals and doctors and caesareans and midwives in hospitals.
Matter of fact: a lot of hospitals have much nicer birthing rooms or suites than they had in the 50ies. Nowadays there are bathing tubs/pools and beds, chairs and ropes hanging from the ceiling so that the pregnant woman can change position if she likes.
So please check out your hospital’s options for child birth and don’t let any birthing brigade dictate to you what you should chose!
I appreciate your comment. I would have died giving birth and so would my youngest child had I not been in a hospital. I had been wanting an at home birth, but as pregnancy progressed and so did complications, I ended up in the hospital and am so thankful that it turned out that way. Yes, my “birth plan” was totally out of my control, things did not go as I envisioned, but I left the hospital with my beautiful son and feel so very grateful for that, and that is all that matters. It would have been a tragedy without modern medicine.
This this this, x1000. I’m days away from delivering my second kiddo (at age 41, and everything has luckily been totally healthy and easy all the way through). I taught gender studies for years, and the fact of the matter is that until a shockingly recent period in history, maternal and infant mortality has been sky-high. Modern medical interventions have lowered those mortality rates dramatically.
That’s not to say I have no issues with the way that the male professionalization of medical science (which began to emerge as a guild in the middle ages with the growth of universities) pushed aside traditional female midwives. Or that I’m happy with the over-medicalization of pregnancy, labor, and childbirth and the the fact that insurance and medical industries look at it as a disability. Or that I am delighted at situations where women are not given enough agency and information in making decisions about their bodies and their pregnancies and labor. All of that is bad stuff.
BUT. Home births are not the answer, and if you do solid research (The Business of Being Born is not solid research, nor are countless homebirth-obsessed mommy blogs), it’s hard to come away with any confidence in homebirth. It’s a risk, and maybe if we had actual support for and regulation of midwifery as a profession, it could become less risky. But in the end, 5 minutes can make a huge difference, and why would you want to take that risk?
Agree 1 million times. I had a doula, midwife and no drugs. But they were all at a hospital because god forbid something went wrong-I wanted doctors and an OR for myself and my babies.
There are real pros and cons to each- I don’t know where the concept of its being “competitive” gained credence. Vaginal birth confers exposure to the mother’s microbiome that c-section precludes. That microbiome has proven benefits. And drugs can interrupt the natural feedback loop involved in birthing leading to more tearing, a delay in the labor process, and a raised rate of c-section. Those are the facts. Not saying one is better than the other, but women making informed choices on either side shouldn’t be judged. Doing so maybe says more about the one judging and her defensiveness.
I would just advise people to do the research on your midwife and doula. I have had friends with great stories with them and others with nightmare stories. A doula my friend hired aggressively fought against them taking her to an emergency c-section and the doctors were like “ok, we have to go now or we’re going to lose the baby” and she had to ask her doula to back off, I was appalled. At some point you have to say, ok you are not a medical provider and do not specialize in emergency medicine, stop practicing outside your scope people! That goes for all providers. Most recently we had a newborn flown to my unit (burn/pediatric trauma) that sustained a 2nd degree burn that converted to 3rd degree because the midwife put a hot rice pack directly on the baby when it was being taken to the hospital. Absolutely horrific.
Is no one going to talk about her Michael Jackson nose? Homegirl’s had more surgery than we can count
i gave birth in a hosipital with a doula from a group affiliated with the hospital and it was awesome. it was the best of both worlds. i ended up being induced and using an epidural but i transitioned from 4 to 9 cm VERY quickly as i was having the epidural done and it basically didn’t work. then i ended up stuck at 9cm for an hour, not being able to push b/c my baby wasn’t far enough down the birth canal. my doula was so helpful b/c i was not prepared for the pain or to fight agains my body pushing the baby out on its own. she was able to keep me calm and suggested some positions (the preztel – it was horrific and worked) to get the baby down so they didn’t have to use suction or a c-section after already being through the worst of labor.
I never believed and will never believe that this marriage is real. No proof, but I really think this.
My sister in law was going to do a natural birth, although she wasn’t a complete fanatic and even had a midwife. However, when the labour wasn’t progressing as it should she went through hell before they finally went with an emergency c section. Since it wasn’t part of the plan, she was also drugged up too much and she said she doesn’t recall the first day after delivery. She later found out that the midwife did not want to relinquish control to the doctors and thus extended her horrible labour for several hours. Luckily my nephew was ok. At least she was at the hospital when this was happening, so there were doctors nearby. For her next child she had a scheduled c section and it was the best experience ever for her.
Well after a gallstone at 30-weeks I had an old fashioned gallbladder surgery under spinal anesthesia and developed an inflamed pancreas and put on 20 lbs fluid and went into acute respiratory distress-emergency c-section and my child came out at 3 lbs. He was a victim of malpractice in the NICU and has CP. I didn’t see him until I was conscious and off life support which was days later. I went on to develop a blood clot and a MRSA infection. It took three months for me to recover and my son spent six weeks in NICU. If you and your kid are alive and well that’s all that matters. Anyone who delivers at home should make an informed decision but I wouldn’t risk it imo.
I live in Canada and I had a homebirth. The midwives here have university degrees that focus on pregnancy, birth, and babies – they are experts on those subjects and can focus all of their energy and attention on that. I trusted them with my life and my babies life and I have never for a moment thought my decision was unsafe or crazy.
Look up the statistics for Canada – a healthy woman with a normal and healthy pregnancy has same safe and healthy outcomes for homebirth as hospital birth.
It’s not crazy to want a natural birth if that’s what you plan to do. It’s not crazy to not want drugs in your system that inhibit the transfer of hormones to your newborn baby. It’s not crazy to want to feel contractions so you can push effectively and avoid stalls in labour which lead to more interventions which can eventually lead to “emergency” cesarians.
This “oh poor hospital” mentality is just way off base. The death rate of mothers and babies born in hospital in the US is not something to be proud of, there is a reason people choose to avoid hospital births.
I have several friends who would have lost their babies if they hadn’t been in the hospital. Two of those friends who would have lost their own lives too – all of them had healthy pregnancies. Then I had a cousin who had a home birth and it was completely uneventful and all went well. Everything is a risk either way with child birth. It sounds like you’ve been on the defensive for others questioning your choice (“It’s not crazy, it’s not crazy”). I think women along with their healthcare providers should choose what is best for them and let’s stop shaming each other on both sides.
I had an all natural birth. I was lucky in that it followed my birth plan. My decision to try for a natural birth was premised on the theory of cascading medical interventions. I wanted to do it not for me but for my baby. In the end, in my case, a natural birth may have saved my baby’s life and certainly avoided serious injury. I think it’s simplistic to state that prior to the advent of modern medicine, women and children died from labour. That’s true but it ignores the fact that modern medicine can and should be evaluted with a critical eye. Like all things, there are shades of grey and it remains a very personal process that should not be judged. In other words, you do you.
Although I wanted to have a natural birth at a birthing centre I had to be induced as I was 2 weeks overdue and then had the full menu of interventions (minus the c-section, though that was on the table at one point) because my girl was distressed in labour. I’m just happy that we are both here safely, that is all that matters. Now, all my close girlfriends have had natural births and I resist the impulse to feel that I’m not as strong or capable as them because my birth was assisted. I do still think that the birthing experience is over-medicalised but I’m grateful that when it’s needed that expert medical assistance is there in my country. And if you wanna get an epidural, do it girl!