The Women in the World Summit took place in New York over the weekend. Among the panelists was actor Terry Crews. Terry was a victim of sexual assault in 2016 and is currently trying to get justice for that. But Terry has long spoken out against toxic masculinity. When you listen to Terry speak about the subject, bear in mind that he was once a part of it but became aware of his destructive patterning and changed it. While at the summit, he added his voice to the Me Too movement discussion, going so far as to liken masculinity to a cult, like those of David Koresh and Jim Jones.
Terry Crews knows just how damaging toxic masculinity can be.
The actor and activist participated in a discussion at Tina Brown’s ninth annual Women in the World Summit in New York on Saturday afternoon. Crews ― along with panelists Joanna Coles, chief operating officer at Hearst Magazines, and Lauren Duca, a journalist ― discussed the recent Me Too movement and how it’s affected cultural perceptions of sex, consent and gender roles.
True to form, Crews took a moment to point out how masculinity contributes to issues of sexual violence and gender inequality.
“Masculinity can be a cult,” Crews said. “And when I say ‘cult,’ it’s no different than David Koresh. It’s no different than Jim Jones.”
He said that men ― whether consciously or unconsciously ― rarely see women as “all the way human.”
“This is what you have to understand ― there is a humanity issue here,” he continued. “[Women are] like, ‘Why don’t you hear me? Why don’t you see my feelings?’ And [men are] like, ‘But you’re not all the way human. You’re here for me, you’re here for my deal.’ It’s real.”
“I am guilty,” Crews added. “I believed, simply because I was a man, that I was more valuable than my wife and the other women in my life.”
To read Terry saying, “But you’re not all the way human,” made me shiver. To have that said out loud – and to think about what some people apply that to: gender, race, religion, etc. I’m uncomfortable equating masculinity to a cult, which just speaks to my fear of cults, but I understand what Terry is saying. Men and women are brainwashed to believe, as he said, that men have more inherent value. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the majority of cults are founded and run by men.
Terry included a story about when he went to strip clubs with his teammates in his NFL days. He said they had a great time until the stripper mentioned her life outside the club and he’d think, “I don’t want you to be a human. I want you to be an object. I want you to be something pretty to look at. But as you talk, you’re making things too real for me.” It’s gutting for me to hear Terry say these things because I want him to be the Terry I know now. But it is so important that he does because I really do think this is the pervasive mentality. Maybe the visceral impact of hearing it said out loud will move people to change that.
Photo credit: WENN photos and Getty Images
I love Terry Crews and I think he’s a great example of how people change.
I was reading yesterday about how China and India developed their current gender imbalances and the femicide that led to it, and I was horrified all ob r again. Over 90M baby girls murdered because boys were valued more, and now the whole world suffers.
I recently read that abusive parents have different impacts on the likelihood child becoming abusive. An abusive mother does not raise the risk of a boy child becoming abusive as an adult, despite the constant social narrative to the contrary. An abusive father though, has significant impact.
It’s though this is because boys look to men for learning social views. An abusive father, one that treats his wife with disrespect, and dehumanizes her, that has a significant impact on the way a child views women. That worldview is the most significant indicator.
Aggrieved entitlement is another term tossed around when describing how young men latch on to fringe causes like MRA, KKK, and other antisocial groups.
Anyhow, my rambling point is that men like Terry as lynch pins for change. We need men to step up. We need men to help us change these things. The current culture does not allow women the moral authority to do this by ourselves.
Having someone say, I was there, I felt like this, it was wrong. That’s powerful.
President Camacho for life, friends.
I had an abusive father. What I learned was that I did not want to be like him. I learned that lesson early even if I couldn’t vocalize it. Any mistakes I make as a father – if I ever become one – I would like to be my mistakes, not his all over again.
P.S. Camacho has ELECTROLYTES!
Terry Crews is a prime example of how people can change through hard work not lip service. These things are important because toxic masculinity is especially pervasive in the black community. It’s why there’s been movements of “black boy joy” and such. The world doesn’t let black boys and men be vulnerable for numerous reasons.
But the not human line I felt. It’s the same with racism…we may have birthed a nation but white people largely See us as less than
I have understood that men think and feel this way about women for most of my life. But hearing/reading a man admit that it is true has floored me. I am having a physical reaction to it that I can’t explain. I am happy he has come clean about it. But I am angry.
Hearing him say it feels empowering for me. It’s easy to fall into the trap of worrying about men’s feelings and allyship at the expense of our own wellbeing. But hearing it confirmed, something I’ve felt my whole life, that men simply do not think I am fully human, almost frees me to stop spending so much energy making sure the men around me are happy. I am done.
Yes, with you @INeedANap. I try to remind myself of this constantly and it does feel empowering and allows me to invest my energy accordingly.
Yeah, I feel the same way as you. We need more men like Terry.
Wholeheartedly agree Ineedanap.
We worry so much about men’s happiness at the expense of our wellbeing. Terry is bringing important perspective to the metoo movement.
Also the lack of support he has received from his peers is shocking.
Most of us belong to the cult of patriarchy.
me too Juls! It’s one thing to know this to be true, and even to experience it, but for someone, especially a woke man like Terry to say it so matter of factly is really disheartening, because it somehow makes it truer and more depressing.
I just feel like crying.
Honestly, deep down I think my problem is not knowing that men think this way about me and all women -it’s trying to shake that feeling that I think the same way. The older I get the more I wonder why I always put myself last my whole life. Why did I always compromise so that the men in my life (husband and three sons) could have it “all”. Actually, I probably had more potential in me than all of them put together, yet if someone had to give something up for the family it was always me. I don’t put this blame on my husband and sons I put it squarely on myself. I guess the real problem was not that men thought that way about me , it that I believed it and fell for the “good woman” role that I was raised to believe was noble and honorable. I guess it took me 49 years to figure out there’s a difference between being a good woman and a good doormat. I just hope it’s not too late to teach my sons that my example was not always the best one and it has led to some resentment and anxiety on my part even though it was always my choice to be so put upon. I guess it’s true what they say, youth is sooooo wasted on the young.
Your comment is as inspiring as it is cautionary, for me. I’m 36 and have already fallen into this trap. I think it’s time to start climbing out.
I have to give Terry a lot of credit, it’s pretty brave to go to that event and admit those past feelings, and I’m very impressed with the changes he’s made in his life and his thinking. And I think it was so necessary for us to hear, painful as it is. I’m glad he’s standing up and speaking out on these issues, and fighting back against abuse and toxic masculinity. I just hope the men who need to hear this are listening too.
Unfortunately, it takes a straight man to make the others listen. We’ve been talking for milleniums, still men tags us as “feminazi “. I agree 100% with him, masculinity is a cancer for everyone. Men are more valued, still they can’t be vulnerable or they will be ridiculed by the “bro cult “. And unfortunately again, the damage is done: for every Terry there are 20 Trumps, which leads me to believe only in the little boys who still have a chance to be decent human beings.
I highly recommend listening to Terry on Anna Faris’ podcast – he was fascinating and talked a lot about these ideas.
What I love about him is that I never get the feeling that he’s trying to be all like “look at me, the male feminist who’s a man”. I’m glad we have him on our side.